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Short filmTranscript
00:01Wait, what are you doing? That is an original.
00:03I'm so sick of your bullshit!
00:06Oh, fine! I'll just hop in my time machine, go back to ancient Rome, and get another one!
00:10I don't care about your art, your money, your stupid mansion. You're treating me like shit!
00:16That's from the Renaissance! You are history's worst nightmare!
00:19I tried to make this work with you. We signed a contract!
00:22For an arranged marriage! Did you actually think this arrangement would be anything more than a business transaction?
00:27You are such a simpleton!
00:31Wait, wait, wait, wait!
00:33Well, at least I'm not a spoiled brat! I tried to get along with you, you brought this on to yourself!
00:38I wish I never agreed to this awful engagement!
00:40Right back at you!
00:42I fucking hate you!
00:44I fucking hate you more!
01:00So, you were arrested. Again!
01:11To be fair, when we thought I was legal, we'll just swim there.
01:15There is a fence around that reservoir. It says here that you broke in using bolt cutters!
01:23If I had known you invited me over here to lecture me, I wouldn't have came.
01:27Come on, Gucci! Come on!
01:32Good boy!
01:34Oh!
01:40Come on, Gucci! Let's go!
01:41Hey!
01:43Amelia!
01:44Oh!
01:45Hey, James!
01:50Come on, Gucci! Let's go!
01:52You know, every time the paparazzi catch you acting crazy, it reflects on me.
02:01It reflects on the company that your mother and I built with our bare hands.
02:07The same one that pays for your ridiculous lifestyle.
02:09I make my own money.
02:11Oh, you see, you see.
02:13Underwear modeling, Lord.
02:15I am the spokesperson for Mantho.
02:18That means free underwear for life.
02:20For life!
02:21Some parents would be proud.
02:23Yeah, other parents would be prouder if you went to your real job now and then.
02:27You are next up to be CEO at Dino Verlino Cosmetics.
02:32Now, how can I give you that job if you keep acting like a Kardashian, huh?
02:36Oh!
02:38Alright, don't forget the meeting this afternoon, alright?
02:40And don't be late.
02:43Bye, Dad.
02:54Excuse me.
03:03Hello, my Gucci.
03:06Why won't Michelangelo just grow up, huh?
03:09He used to settle down and find himself a nice girl, huh?
03:14Like you, Amelia.
03:16Good one, Romulus.
03:17These are great.
03:18Hmm.
03:19I still don't have what I'm looking for.
03:20Do you guys mind staying a little longer?
03:22No problem.
03:23Cool.
03:24Let's take five and then I want to see you in that leopard print.
03:27Hi.
03:28Hi.
03:29I'm Michelangelo.
03:30I'm Michelangelo.
03:31Chantal.
03:32Nice to meet you.
03:33I couldn't notice how hot you are.
03:35Uh, I've got tickets to the premiere...
03:36Hold that thought.
03:37Hey, Dad.
03:38Where the hell were ya?
03:39Where the hell were ya?
03:40Dad, I'm on a photo shoot.
03:41No problem.
03:42No problem.
03:43Cool.
03:44Let's take five and then I want to see you in that leopard print.
03:47I just don't know what you're supposed to do.
03:49I could find you in the office.
03:50You're supposed to be in the office.
03:51Troppetto came here all the way from Milano.
03:53I'm so disappointed with him.
03:54Oh, I'm so disappointed.
03:56Hi.
03:57Michael Angelo.
03:58I'm Michelangelo.
03:59I'm so disappointed.
04:00I'm so disappointed.
04:02Nice to meet you.
04:03Hi.
04:05I'm Michelangelo.
04:06Nice to meet you.
04:07I...
04:08I couldn't notice how hot you are.
04:09I've got tickets to the premiere...
04:10Hold that thought.
04:11Hey, Dad.
04:12Where the hell were ya?
04:13Dad, I'm on a photo shoot.
04:14You're supposed to be at the office.
04:15I can meet him later.
04:17No, it's too late. He's back on the plane again.
04:19Well, you're the one who planned the meeting during my shoot.
04:21Michelangelo, you are 31 years old.
04:24You gotta stop acting like an idiot teenager.
04:26You could be running the world's largest cosmetic company right now.
04:30You interned. You went to business school.
04:33You have potential, okay?
04:35But you say you want to be the CEO?
04:38Well, you're gonna have to prove it.
04:39Because so far, I ain't seen the end tape from you.
04:44Bye, Dad.
04:48Hey, you okay?
04:51Yeah, but I'd be a lot better if you'd go out with me tonight.
05:07So, it's a really rare form of cancer.
05:14Luckily, my doctors did catch it early.
05:17Oh, my God.
05:18There is an experimental treatment.
05:21But it's really expensive.
05:24And my insurance doesn't cover it.
05:26Don't worry about that.
05:28I have money saved.
05:30I'll find the rest. We will figure this out, okay?
05:33We're gonna get through this together.
05:37Oh, yeah.
05:38Oh, yeah.
05:51Ciao, Gucci!
05:52Did she have a good walk?
05:57What's wrong?
05:58Yeah.
05:59I'm sorry.
06:00This...
06:01No, no, forget about it.
06:02I'm sorry about your sister.
06:03The treatments are just really expensive.
06:04I have a savings for my doggy daycare.
06:05My dream, but...
06:07It's only enough for one treatment.
06:08And who knows how many she's gonna need.
06:09Betsy practically raised us.
06:10After our parents passed, I would do anything for her.
06:14Tsk.
06:15Amelia, I think I might know how to get you that money.
06:19You do?
06:20Mm-hmm.
06:22Come back tonight and, uh, make something nice.
06:23Do you?
06:24Uh, come back, tonight and, uh, make something nice.
06:26Yes.
06:27Come back tonight.
06:28It's fine.
06:29I will give you all their money.
06:30Oh, well, it's fine.
06:31Well, it's fine.
06:32If you don't have to take that money, I can't take that money anyway.
06:33Even if you don't want your parents' money, you'll need to help me.
06:35Every once in your contract, you'll need to take your money for one tomorrow.
06:36Alright.
06:37It's okay.
06:38You'll need your loved価値.
06:39Yeah, you'll need your doggy daycare.
06:40You'll need your love to take that money.
06:41And, uh, there's something nice.
06:45Come on, Peggy.
06:53Oh, Amelia, you look bellissima.
06:58Except for the dog hair.
07:00Well, come with me.
07:03I have someone I want you to meet.
07:05Are they from Italy?
07:07Yes.
07:08Wow.
07:08Yes, of course, everything's from Italy here.
07:11Well, Amelia, meet Michelangelo, my son.
07:16I believe you both bumped into each other yesterday, huh?
07:19Mm-hmm.
07:20Yeah.
07:21Aren't you the cleaning lady?
07:22I'm a dog walker.
07:24Don't be so defensive.
07:27I wasn't.
07:31Well, I suppose I'll let you two get acquainted.
07:35I have some unfinished business to do.
07:36Why don't you give yourself a glass of vino?
07:39Oh, that'd be all you heard.
07:41Hey, I'll leave it at you, huh?
07:50Do you want to do me a favor?
07:51What, exactly?
08:04How does it look?
08:06Not half bad.
08:07I mean, it's fine.
08:10Whatever.
08:10Let's do some sexy ones, okay?
08:16Or not.
08:17I don't feel like being your photographer all night.
08:19You work for my dad.
08:21You have to do what I say.
08:22You don't look like Romulus to me.
08:25Just a few more pictures.
08:27I'm not here to update your Tinder profile.
08:29I don't need Tinder.
08:30I'm an underwear model.
08:32My DMs are flooded like Florida in a hurricane.
08:34Whatever.
08:41Pour me another.
08:42I told you, I'm...
08:43Now!
08:47Fine.
08:53See, dog walker.
08:55That wasn't so hard.
08:59What the fuck?
09:01This is fucking product!
09:02I don't know what I'm doing here.
09:07Asshole!
09:08You crazy bitch!
09:12Amelia!
09:12Whoa.
09:13What's wrong?
09:15I asked her to pour me another drink,
09:17and she flipped out!
09:18I'm sorry, Romulus,
09:20but your son is a prick.
09:21I'm going to be leaving.
09:22No, no, no, please.
09:22I apologize.
09:24My son, he's immature.
09:26All right?
09:26And that's why I invited you.
09:29Port forwarding.
09:31Please.
09:31All right?
09:31Just have a seat, all right?
09:33And I promise,
09:34he'll be on his best behavior
09:35for the rest of the night.
09:36Won't you, son?
09:38So, Amelia needs money
09:40to pay for her sister's cancer treatment.
09:43Cancer?
09:44Hmm.
09:45Yeah.
09:46And you need to settle down
09:48and prove that you're worthy
09:49of running the family business.
09:51Make my own money, Dad.
09:54Okay.
09:55I want the business.
09:56I think we can make a deal
10:00whereby everyone gets what they want.
10:03What kind of deal?
10:06Well, it's nothing crazy.
10:08No.
10:10You two just have to get married,
10:11that's all.
10:13What?
10:14What?
10:15Romulus,
10:16what are you saying?
10:17I can't marry the male Paris Hilton.
10:19Yeah,
10:19and I can't marry someone
10:21who picks up dog crap for a living.
10:22Well,
10:23at least I don't pose
10:24in my tighty-whities for money.
10:26Well, Angelo,
10:27look,
10:28you have to grow up
10:29before you can run out business.
10:30And the best way to do that
10:31is to get married.
10:33We're not even a match.
10:35We hate each other.
10:36At least I do.
10:37Obviously.
10:38See?
10:39There's something uncommon already.
10:41Look,
10:42you know,
10:43my wife and I,
10:44we were opposites.
10:46Oh, yeah,
10:46we were like pizza
10:47and Hawaiian pizza.
10:50She sure drove me crazy
10:51when we first met.
10:53I know you're probably thinking
10:55I'm just some old fool, huh,
10:56but I learned a thing or two
10:58in 70 years.
11:00You two have chemistry.
11:02Yeah,
11:02like a nuclear bomb.
11:04As if.
11:05Romulus,
11:06isn't there another way?
11:07I don't want to be miserable
11:09for the rest of my life.
11:10Amelia,
11:10you do want to help
11:11your sister,
11:12don't you?
11:13Well,
11:13you'll be able to afford
11:14the treatment
11:15if you just agree
11:16to this arrangement.
11:22What's it going to be?
11:27Fine.
11:28I'll do it.
11:30For Betsy.
11:34Oh, Angelo,
11:35it's not polite
11:36to keep a lovely lady waiting.
11:39If you're not going to agree
11:40to marry her,
11:41then you're going to lose
11:43the business.
11:45And you're also going to lose
11:46your inheritance.
11:47What the hell, Dad?
11:52Fuck it.
11:52Fine.
11:53I'll do it.
11:54Now,
11:55let's just go into the office now.
11:58The lorries have already
11:59drafted the contract,
12:00but son,
12:02we're going to need
12:02some champagne.
12:05I read my mark.
12:06Try and make yourself
12:07look decent now.
12:11You will be engaged
12:12for a period of 30 days,
12:14followed by a wedding
12:15planned by me.
12:17And I'll tell you,
12:17it's going to be a big one
12:18for the ages, too.
12:20I hope the Hollywood Bowl's
12:21not booked.
12:23Anyway,
12:24you must move in together
12:25immediately
12:26to avoid any suspicion,
12:27you know.
12:28Look,
12:29there's nothing wrong
12:30with an arranged marriage,
12:31but,
12:32well,
12:32it can't do any good
12:33if word got out
12:34to the public,
12:35right?
12:35That's why this has to be
12:37our own secret.
12:38Are we agreed?
12:41Sure.
12:42All right.
12:43Sign here.
12:56Salute to the new couple.
13:13So,
13:14your place or mine?
13:17I'm not staying at a doghouse.
13:18Fine.
13:20Then we'll stay at yours.
13:26So,
13:30this is Michelangelo's place.
13:33It's like a museum in here.
13:35A Michelangelo museum.
13:37Ugh.
13:52Whoa,
13:52whoa,
13:52whoa,
13:52what's this?
13:54Put it in the trash.
13:56This isn't trash.
13:57These are my sisters.
13:58She's an artist.
13:59So,
13:59put them in your room.
14:01I said you could live here,
14:02not decorate.
14:02Oh,
14:03I'm sorry.
14:04Is it clashing with your banana hammock?
14:06That's man thong.
14:07It's trademarked.
14:12Look,
14:13I gotta go meet somebody.
14:14If this isn't cleaned up
14:15by the time I get back,
14:16I'm throwing it all in the fireplace.
14:18It's electric.
14:24Oh,
14:25by the way,
14:26this is gonna work.
14:29You might want to start wearing that.
14:32Gee,
14:32thanks.
14:33Welcome.
14:39You're getting married?
14:41Gee,
14:42Betsy,
14:43don't tell the whole world.
14:44I'm sorry,
14:45Amelia,
14:46it's just,
14:47it's not like you.
14:50Especially when you're
14:50reserved,
14:52safe.
14:53like I always talk to you.
14:57Well,
14:59things change when you find out
15:00your sister has cancer.
15:02And besides,
15:03Michelangelo offered to help pay
15:05for some of your treatments.
15:06So,
15:07I'm okay with a quick proposal.
15:09Michelangelo?
15:09Michelangelo?
15:10The Ninja Turtle?
15:12No.
15:14Michelangelo...
15:15Dino Valeno?
15:16Maybe you've heard of him?
15:18Michelangelo Dino Valeno?
15:20No!
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