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00:17I live in a small town in Ohio, United States.
00:24My family came from Mexico when I was a child.
00:30Spanish is my first language.
00:35I grew up hearing English everywhere, at school, at the store, at the doctor's office.
00:45People spoke English all around me, but I stayed quiet.
00:53I understood English. I could read English. I could write short sentences.
01:03But when I had to speak, I froze.
01:09My heart beat fast. My hands shook. My voice became very small.
01:21I wanted to talk. I had so many words in my head. But my mouth stayed shut.
01:32I felt scared. I felt stuck.
01:39In school, I always sat in the back.
01:45I didn't raise my hand. I didn't ask questions.
01:51I remember one day, my teacher asked me to read a paragraph, out loud.
02:00She said, Bilal, can you read this, please?
02:06I looked at the paper. My lips were dry. My throat was tight.
02:16I couldn't say a word. Everyone was looking at me. I felt like crying.
02:27That moment stayed with me for years. After that, I made a promise to myself.
02:40One day, I will speak. One day, I will be brave.
02:48But time passed. I finished school. I started working at a small coffee shop.
02:58Every day, I saw people. I made coffee. I cleaned tables.
03:06Customers spoke to me. They asked, Can I get a latte? Or, Do you have muffins today?
03:17I smiled. I nodded. I said, Okay. Or, Sure. And...
03:28That was it. I never said more. I felt like a shadow.
03:36I was there, but not really there. I was hiding behind simple words.
03:45I wanted more. I wanted to say, How are you? Or, Have a nice day.
03:55But I was scared. I didn't have anyone to practice with. I didn't go to English class.
04:04I didn't have English speaking friends. I was alone. But I still had a strong desire.
04:15I wanted to speak. I wanted to change. So, one evening, I had an idea.
04:27I picked up my phone. I opened the voice recorder. I sat on my bed. I pressed the red button.
04:39I said, Hi. My name is Bilal. Then I stopped. I played it back. I heard my own voice. It was soft. It was shaky.
04:55But it was mine. That small moment felt big. I didn't feel scared. I felt something new.
05:08A small hope. A small light. The next night, I did it again. I spoke into my phone. I talked about my day.
05:24I said, Today, I was tired. Work was busy. I talked about my feelings. I said, I felt nervous. I made a mistake at work.
05:42There were no rules. No one was listening. It was just me and my voice. And for the first time, that was enough.
05:52I wasn't silent anymore. I was speaking. Maybe not to a person. But I was speaking.
05:59Each night, I recorded a few more words. Sometimes, I talked for two minutes. Sometimes, just 30 seconds.
06:06But I showed up every single night. No matter how I felt, I opened my phone. I opened my mouth. And I talked.
06:16I didn't correct myself. I didn't judge myself. I just tried. Slowly, I felt less afraid. I started to enjoy it.
06:27My voice got stronger. My sentences got longer. One night, I looked in the mirror. I smiled. I said, Bilal, how are you?
06:36Then I answered, I'm fine. I had a good day. I laughed. I felt silly, but also proud. I was doing something new, something brave.
06:47Speaking to myself became my practice. My alone time became my learning time. And I learned that speaking alone is still speaking.
06:57That was the beginning. That was when I moved from silence. To sound. From fear. To hope. It didn't happen in one day.
07:07But every day, I took one small step. My room became my classroom. My phone became my partner. And I became my own teacher.
07:16Chapter 2. Learning to speak alone.
07:22After a few weeks of talking into my phone, I started to feel different. I was not fluent, but I was no longer afraid to hear my voice in English.
07:39I became curious. What else can I do? One morning, I stood in front of the mirror.
07:49I looked at myself and said, Good morning, Bilal. How are you today?
07:56Then I smiled and answered, I'm a little sleepy, but I'm okay.
08:06It felt funny at first, like I was acting, but it also felt powerful.
08:14I was not waiting for someone to speak to me. I was speaking to myself.
08:23Every day, I added more English to my routine. While brushing my teeth, I asked, What are your plans today?
08:35While cooking, I said, Now I add salt. Now I stir the soup.
08:45While walking to work, I looked at trees and said, The leaves are green. The wind is cold today.
08:58My life became a classroom. My voice became my practice.
09:08No one corrected me. No one laughed. And I kept going.
09:17One evening, I opened YouTube. I searched Easy English Vlog.
09:26I found a video of a guy talking about his morning routine.
09:32He was brushing his hair, making coffee, packing his bag. He spoke slowly. The video had subtitles.
09:46I paused after each sentence. I repeated what he said. I copied his pronunciation.
09:57I wake up at 7am. I liked to drink tea in the morning. At first, it was hard. My mouth moved slowly. I didn't understand every word.
10:16But I didn't give up. I watched cooking shows too. I listened to simple podcasts. I liked ones with short sentences. I always used subtitles.
10:34I didn't just watch. I spoke with them. I made my own voice follow theirs.
10:44This is called shadowing. I didn't know that word at the time. I just knew it helped me.
10:54My ears listened. My mouth repeated. My brain started to connect sounds and meanings.
11:05Little by little, English felt less strange. It felt closer. I also started writing.
11:16Before bed, I took a notebook and wrote two small paragraphs. Nothing special, just simple thoughts.
11:28Today I made a mistake at work. I gave the wrong drink. But I said sorry. And the customer smiled.
11:39I saw a dog today. It had brown eyes. It made me happy.
11:47I didn't worry about grammar. I didn't check for mistakes. I just wrote what was in my heart.
11:58My notebook became my friend. A quiet friend who always listened.
12:06Chapter 3. From practice to real conversations. After some months, something small but big to me happened.
12:19A customer came into the coffee shop. He smiled and said,
12:25Hey, how's your day? I smiled back. But this time, I didn't say, OK. I said,
12:36It's going well, thanks. How about you? He replied,
12:43I'm good. That was it. A short moment. A few words. But it felt like a victory. I felt proud. I felt strong.
13:00I had spoken with confidence. I didn't hide. I was there fully. Of course, I still made mistakes. Funny ones too.
13:17One time I said, I'm very boring. When I meant, I'm very bored. The customer laughed kindly and said,
13:28Don't say that about yourself. We both laughed. I laughed even more later at home. But I didn't feel embarrassed.
13:43I felt happy. Because that mistake taught me something. I learned. I remembered. And I didn't stop.
13:57I started to enjoy speaking. Not just practicing. But really enjoying it. My alone time felt richer.
14:10I would talk to myself while folding laundry. While tying my shoes. Even while feeding my cat.
14:21I asked questions like, What will I cook today? And What did I learn today? And I answered them out loud.
14:34It became normal. It became part of my life. Just like brushing my hair or listening to music.
14:44Then one day, I shared a voice message with my cousin Ahmed. He lives in Texas. We don't talk often. But that day, I felt brave. I sent him a short recording. I said,
15:03Hi, Ahmed. I hope you're doing well. I wanted to share something. I've been practicing English every day alone. And I'm getting better.
15:16I'm getting better.
15:17A few hours later, he called me. Bilal, he said. Your English sounds really good. Are you taking classes?
15:29I laughed and said, No, I just talk to myself every day. He was shocked. Alone? he asked. Yes, I said. Alone, but not lonely.
15:45English is my friend now. That moment felt like magic. My cousin noticed my change. I noticed it too. I was not the same boy who froze in school. I was not the boy who only said, Okay. I had grown. Not because someone taught me, but because I gave myself the chance to speak.
16:14I gave myself permission to try. To fail. To learn. English was no longer just a subject. It was no longer just a fear. It had become a part of me. A real part. A true friend.
16:34One evening, after months of talking to myself, I looked in the mirror and asked, Bilal, what's next?
16:46I had come far. I had come far. I could speak without freezing. I could express how I felt. I could chat with customers at the coffee shop. But something inside me said, It's time for more.
17:04My voice was ready for real people. Not just reflections and recordings. I wanted to test it in the real world. So I took my phone and typed into Google Free English Conversation Group United States.
17:22I didn't know what I would find. I didn't know what I would find. I just wanted to talk to someone face to face. Not face to mirror.
17:29After a few clicks, I found something. A local group that met every Saturday in Columbus. That was two hours away from my small town. But they welcomed new members.
17:43It was free and it was real. My heart started to race. Should I go? All week I thought about it. I felt excited and scared. What if I couldn't understand them? What if I froze again?
17:58But then I remembered every night I had practiced alone. Every mistake I had turned into a lesson. Every time I smiled in the mirror and said, You can do this. So I said, Yes, I will go.
18:17Saturday morning came. I woke up early. I wore my favorite sweater. I packed my notebook and a pen, just in case. I got into my car and started the long drive. The roads were quiet. I spoke to myself the whole way.
18:36Hi, I'm Bilal. Nice to meet you. Again and again. Hi, I'm Bilal. I've been practicing English for a year. Again and again. I was preparing my voice like a runner stretches before a race.
18:51When I reached the coffee shop in Columbus, my hands were shaking. I saw people through the window, laughing, talking, relaxed. My stomach turned. I sat in my car for a few minutes, holding the steering wheel tightly.
19:08A small voice in my head. A small voice in my head whispered, You can leave. Just drive back. But a louder voice said, You didn't come this far to stop now.
19:23So I took a deep breath and walked inside. A kind woman saw me and smiled. You must be Bilal, she said. Welcome. She gave me a name tag.
19:37I held it in my hand and smiled shyly. Then I joined one of the small circles. They were already talking. I listened first. Then it was my turn. My heart pounded like a drum, but I stood up, looked at everyone and said,
19:57Hello, my dear friends. I'm Bilal. I've been practicing English alone for a year. Today, I want to meet real friends.
20:07There was silence. Then came claps, smiles, nods. I felt my face turn red, but my heart was glowing.
20:19We started chatting in pairs. Each pair had five minutes. My first partner was a man named Zain. He asked me,
20:29What do you do? I said, I work at a coffee shop. I love making lattes. Then I asked him, What do you do?
20:39He smiled and shared his story. We talked. Really talked. It was not perfect. I paused sometimes. I repeated words. But it was real. It was alive. And I was part of it.
20:55For the first time, I felt the joy of a real conversation. It was not like talking to my mirror. It was not like shadowing YouTube. It was better. There was laughter. There were new faces. There was connection.
21:13I was not just practicing. I was communicating. And it felt like flying.
21:19After the group, someone said, Hey, we have a Facebook page. We meet online every week too. You should join.
21:28I said yes. I went home that evening, tired but full. My voice had found a place in the world.
21:40Not just in my room. Not just in my notebook. But out there. With others.
21:48Now when I look back, I smile. My journey was not perfect. It was not fast. I didn't have a teacher. I didn't have a partner.
22:03I only had myself, my phone, my voice, and my dream to speak. But that was enough. I made mistakes. I said wrong words. I felt scared. But I didn't stop. I kept going. And that made all the difference.
22:31So, if you are watching this. And you feel alone in your English practice. I want to tell you something.
22:41You are not alone. Your voice matters. You don't need perfect grammar. You don't need a perfect accent.
22:54You don't even need another person at first. You just need to begin. Talk to yourself. Talk to your mirror. Talk to your phone. But most of all, believe in your voice.
23:16Mistakes are not the end. They are steps. Each mistake is a teacher. Each try is progress. And each word you speak brings you closer to fluency.
23:35I started alone. I stayed patient. And I found my voice. You can too.
23:44I found my voice. I want to see you later.
23:53I found my voice. You can help me get some better. If you are working on the phone.
23:55There is no problem. I have no problem.
24:00But you are not alone. I found my voice. I was a boy.
