It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 16 Episode 7

Cinema Series US Film

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 16 Episode 7 #CinemaSeriesUSFilm   🎞 Please join  https://t.me/CinemaSeriesUSFilm

Transcript

00:00I'm going to order some chili cheese fries.

00:15Oh, yeah? Give me some.

00:16Anybody else want an order?

00:18A delivery of chili cheese fries?

00:20They'll be mush by the time they get here. No way.

00:23Ah!

00:23Shit.

00:25What are you doing, man?

00:26You can't hit it that hard.

00:28You got to use more finesse.

00:30Well, finesse isn't really my style, Charlie.

00:31I like to dominate the table into submission.

00:33Dennis, I got to head out. Tip me out.

00:36What?

00:37Give me my tips.

00:38What tips, Dee? What are you talking about?

00:39Hey, any of you guys tip Dee today?

00:41What? No.

00:44No.

00:44All right, whatever. Just give me 40 bucks from the register.

00:46What do you need money for?

00:47I'm going out. I just need a little cash.

00:49Where are you going?

00:51I'm going to a fancy place with some fancy new friends of mine.

00:55What friends?

00:56What is happening? Why is everyone asking me questions?

00:58Well, it's because you're sneaking around trying to steal money that you haven't earned and looking like Carmen Sandiego.

01:03I mean, what are we supposed to think?

01:05What are you hiding, Dee?

01:06What?

01:06Let me see what's under that coat.

01:07No.

01:08I want to see what's under it.

01:09No.

01:09Show me.

01:10She's hiding something, Dennis. You want me to hold her down and rip it off her?

01:15Yeah.

01:16Go, go, go, go, go, go.

01:17No, stop it.

01:18Don't touch me, okay?

01:20I decided that I want to take off the coat because it's hot in here.

01:29Bowling? That's the fancy outing you were hiding from us?

01:32Dee, why are you hiding that from us?

01:33Because it's my thing, okay? It's not your thing, and I don't want you guys getting involved.

01:39As if.

01:40As if.

01:41As if.

01:42As if.

01:43As if.

01:44Yeah, okay. All right. Well, I'm going to head out. You guys enjoy sitting around with your ding-dongs in your hand doing nothing all night.

01:50Ugh!

01:52Ding-dongs in her hand. What's she talking about? Bitch, come on.

01:56My ding-dong wasn't even in my hand, really.

01:58Mine was.

01:59Yeah, so it was mine.

02:00Yeah, I was scratching mine when she said that.

02:01I hide my hands fully down my pants, if I'm being honest. I had to push it to the left.

02:06That's the, it was such a coincidence.

02:08That was a lucky guess.

02:09That's a crazy damn lucky guess.

02:10It was a lucky guess.

02:11But that's not the point. The point is, we have a lot better things to do than just go bowling.

02:20Oh, hello, ladies. You ready to roll? Why's everybody sitting on their butts?

02:43We've been waiting here for 20 minutes.

02:45Okay. Well, listen. Things are just going to be a little different if you want me on your team. I show up when I want.

02:51Well, we don't want you on our team. It's just that our fourth didn't show up and literally no one else was free on a Friday night. So you want me to be here?

02:57Not really. Awesome. Good. Do you have the $35 team fee?

03:00Oh, I do not. But I have something much more valuable. My expertise. So listen to me and you'll be in business.

03:07Anyone want to snort jello shots? Oh.

03:10Snail? You're on the team?

03:12Yeah, I love bowling. The whole scene is so hot. I sucked off a rando in the parking lot. Oh, my mouth hurt.

03:19Gross. Waitress. You're responsible for this?

03:22I'm not responsible for this, but this is my team, okay? So you can't just come in here and take over, come in late, not have your money, okay?

03:29I signed us up. I booked the lane. I made us shirts. I even found us an appliance company to sponsor us.

03:35Frigid. Frigid bitches?

03:38Yeah. God, you guys are stupid. I'm not wearing this.

03:40No, it's so funny.

03:41It's not funny.

03:41Well, I've been laughing all night.

03:42That doesn't surprise me. Now, listen up. We're not here to laugh or be funny.

03:47We're here to win, which we can do if you listen to me. Or perhaps I should let my balls do the talking.

03:53Please do.

03:54Yeah.

03:59Do I have your attention?

04:07Well, well, well.

04:08Oh, God.

04:09What?

04:10Pretty nice role, Deandra. Too bad it'll be your last.

04:13Can you please just leave and let me have one thing to myself?

04:15Nah. So these, uh, frigid bitches, these are your new fancy friends? What is this, some kind of women's league?

04:22It's a co-ed tournament.

04:25So you'll be competing against men?

04:27Vaginas and penises together again.

04:29I'll tell you what, why don't we join this league and have ourselves a little competition?

04:34Or are you too scared that you'll lose to us?

04:40You did one, so I thought we were doing...

04:42Okay.

04:43Shit.

04:43Anyone got a straw?

04:45Yeah, they're right.

04:45I didn't know.

04:46Okay.

04:47All right.

04:47Hey, guys.

04:48Let's have it.

04:48Oh, for Christ's sake.

04:50Are you kidding me?

04:51Please tell me you guys don't own this bowling alley.

04:54We got out of the video rental business just after the bubble birth.

04:57Bowling's always been in our blood.

04:59Ryan's got the forearms of an elephant wrangler.

05:01He could have been proud.

05:02I could have been, if not for my tragic accident.

05:06The story's too horrible for words, so don't ask me.

05:08We, we, we, we don't do this good.

05:10We don't really care about that.

05:11You can keep that to yourself.

05:12I tell you, but you wouldn't be able to handle it.

05:14You clearly want to tell us, but we're not here.

05:16I'm sorry.

05:17Listen, I'm moving past this.

05:18Can we sign up for the league?

05:19Impossible.

05:20Why, is it too late to sign up?

05:21No.

05:23You just couldn't afford it.

05:24How much is it?

05:25Thirty-five dollars.

05:26We got that.

05:27Yeah, that's fine.

05:28We eat.

05:30Uh, do you mind covering us?

05:32Yeah, yeah, we're good.

05:33We're good, yeah.

05:34Hey, listen, can we play the frigid bitches first?

05:36Sure, whatever.

05:37I don't give a shit.

05:37You guys got chili cheese fries here?

05:39Franklin, we do have chili, and we do have cheese,

05:41and we do have fries, but combining them is strictly prohibited.

05:44Why?

05:45The story is too terrible to tell.

05:47Oh, Christ.

05:48You know what, dude, nobody cares.

05:49Just sign us up for the league.

05:49We won't combine the fries with the chili in the fridge.

05:52Yeah, give us some shoes.

05:53What size shoes?

05:54All right, all right.

05:55We'll get the shoes.

05:56Three, two, one, and smile.

06:00Great.

06:01Can you check that picture?

06:02How's my ass look?

06:03Okay.

06:04That looks pretty good.

06:05Oh, it looks huge.

06:06Sick.

06:07Can we take another?

06:07I wasn't sufficiently in character.

06:09In character?

06:10Yes, character.

06:11I'm researching a character I'm playing named Don Albright.

06:14Brunswick of the Brunswick Bowling Dynasty.

06:16Oh, goddamn.

06:17You guys are not taking this seriously, okay?

06:19Let's cut the BS.

06:20As your leader, I demand we cut the BS.

06:22Now, let's talk order.

06:23I'm thinking snail Artemis, the waitress.

06:26Best for last.

06:27Okay, I'm just gonna remind you that you're not the leader,

06:28and you can't be the leader,

06:29because you don't even know everyone's names.

06:31Can you switch mine to Donna?

06:33No.

06:33Well, well, well, looks like the frigid bitches are going up against the hanging monster

06:38dong Lucky Strike chili cheese fryers.

06:41Is that your name?

06:42That's really stupid.

06:43That's too many ideas, man.

06:44I told you it was stupid.

06:45I think they were gonna make fun of us, and they did make fun of us.

06:47Yeah, it's stupid.

06:48See, you know what?

06:49But it doesn't matter, because you guys are dead meat.

06:52Hey, did Dee happen to tell you the history of her experience with bowling?

06:56No.

06:57Oh, well.

06:58You should tell him, you should tell him.

06:59Tell him, tell him.

06:59You tell him, you should tell him.

07:00I was about to, I was about to.

07:02Oh, you are?

07:02Yes.

07:04He's gonna tell you.

07:05Are we gonna laugh?

07:06Yeah, no, I'll just tell it.

07:07He's gonna tell you.

07:08Okay, well, when she was a kid, she was, well, she was pretty decent.

07:11And I gotta say, she worked really, really hard at it.

07:14So she eventually became the captain of the girls' team.

07:18Can you believe that?

07:20Now, I'm no fan of women's sports.

07:21No, they're not very popular, you know?

07:23Nobody is.

07:24Nobody watches, especially women.

07:25Women don't even like women's sports.

07:26So I wouldn't have it.

07:28And to prove that Dee's female mind was mentally weak, I started to go and watch her.

07:35And I would say, gutter ball, right before she rolled it.

07:40And wouldn't you know it, every time I said it, she'd roll a gutter ball.

07:47Since then, if I even so much as look at Dee when she bowls, she can't knock down a single pin.

07:53Not even, not even one.

08:00That's a bit of an exaggeration.

08:02Anyway, good luck out there.

08:05Ladies.

08:05Gentlemen.

08:06That was so good.

08:08That was really good.

08:09That was really good.

08:10That was really good.

08:11All right, I'm looking at their lineup, and I'm wondering who should lead us off against Snail.

08:15I'll start.

08:16It'll be good to show our power and dominance, you know, for intimidation.

08:20Uh, Frank, you should go against Artemis.

08:21She's next, okay?

08:22And you should go after that, because this is a waitress, and you're going to irritate the

08:25shit out of her.

08:26That's a good thing, okay?

08:27Oh, shit.

08:28What?

08:29Uh, some kids have, like, a birthday party in the arcade or something.

08:32Okay, so what?

08:33It looks fun.

08:34Charlie, do not be that guy that everyone's looking for when it's their turn.

08:37That shit drives me crazy.

08:39Please don't be that guy.

08:40Okay, I'll go last against Dee, because it's going to be a lot of fun getting in her head.

08:44So, it's going to really mess her up.

08:45It's going to be awesome.

08:46All right, hands in, boys.

08:47Say it on three.

08:48Hanging dog.

08:49Hanging dog.

08:50Don't want to get me started.

08:52He's right.

08:53Now I see.

08:56Let's do it, bud.

08:57Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

08:59Stride, stride, stride.

09:01Now execute.

09:05Okay, not bad, not bad, Mac.

09:07Not bad, dude.

09:08It was a lot of sales.

09:09What the?

09:10What?

09:11What?

09:11Okay, why are you so happy right now?

09:14Gail, what the hell was that?

09:16My cooter's on fire for Mac.

09:17Ew.

09:18I want to have his baby.

09:20Your cooter is most likely on fire from a yeast infection.

09:22And go in the bathroom, rinse it out, and be better next time.

09:25Dennis, cover me.

09:27Ryan's eyeballing me, and I'm trying to mix these.

09:30I can't do that right now.

09:32No, I got Liam over here eyeballing me.

09:37I mean, I think he is.

09:38Hard to tell with the eyepatch.

09:39Nice.

09:41Anyway, it's your role, man.

09:42Go, go, go, go, go.

09:43Yeah, I'm up.

09:44Yes, you're up.

09:44Up.

09:48Artemis.

09:48How about we test out the backseat of my LeBaron after the roll?

09:55Everybody stop trying to have sex with each other.

09:57You know, another reason why men and women can't compete, D.

09:59It's too sexually charged.

10:01Come on.

10:01All right.

10:02Donna Brunswick.

10:04Come on.

10:12Nice.

10:13Yeah.

10:14Artemis, you can bowl?

10:15Yeah.

10:15No, my character can.

10:17Me?

10:18I can't bowl for shit.

10:20Oh.

10:31Not going to make it.

10:43All right, Frank.

10:44What?

10:45Oh, bullshit.

10:46No, come on.

10:46That doesn't count.

10:47No, the computer counted it, so it counts.

10:49That counts.

10:49Hey, Artemis, let's mush.

10:51What?

10:51No.

10:52No, you're not going to miss your turn, okay?

10:53If you must mush, mush later.

10:55A quickie.

10:56A quickie it is.

10:57What?

10:58My character is also a giant whore,

11:00which is what attracted me to the role in the first place.

11:02No, come on.

11:03You can go now.

11:04Well, mush fast.

11:08Here, here, here.

11:09I'm going, I'm going, I'm going, I'm going.

11:10I'm going, do not take my spot.

11:13Do not take my spot in the air hockey table.

11:15Charlie, shut up.

11:16You should see the party they got going in there.

11:18It's crazy.

11:18I don't care.

11:18They got one of those punching machines

11:19that rates how, like, how much power you have in your punch.

11:21I don't care.

11:21Shut up.

11:22I'm trying to focus.

11:22It's totally crazy.

11:23By the way, your hair looks great.

11:24Charlie, shut up.

11:24I'm trying to focus.

11:26Did you, like, change your hair a bit?

11:27Oh, my God.

11:28I like it, so hold on.

11:30Oh, my God.

11:32Oh, come on.

11:33Come on.

11:34Come on.

11:35All right, I got it.

11:36Okay, okay.

11:37Good job, John.

11:38Where are you going?

11:38Put the cake down.

11:39I'll be back.

11:40Come here.

11:42D, you want to go first?

11:44Don't.

11:44Stop it.

11:44I know what you're doing.

11:45I'm not going to say anything.

11:46I swear to God.

11:46Please.

11:47I insist.

11:48I'm not.

11:50Fine.

11:50All right.

11:51Come on, D.

11:52Gutterball.

11:55You dick.

11:57I'm sorry.

11:58I'm sorry.

11:58That's not funny.

11:59I couldn't resist.

12:00It's sorry.

12:11Don't say it again, okay?

12:12I'm sorry.

12:13I'm not.

12:13Just leave me alone.

12:13I'm not.

12:14I'm not.

12:16Gutterball.

12:17You goddamn son of a bitch.

12:19Gutterball.

12:21How are you going to talk to me about form after you bull like that?

12:23Get off my back, you frigid bitch.

12:25I knew inviting you was a bad idea.

12:26Well, then don't invite me to have you here.

12:29I didn't invite you.

12:30Oh, isn't this fun?

12:32Yeah.

12:33Yet another reason why women can't compete with men.

12:36Besides your physical limitations, if given the opportunity to either work together as a team

12:41or tear each other apart, you will always choose the latter.

12:45Because women are devious and destructive and will always default to using their insidious venom

12:53on the most sought-after victim of all.

12:57Each other.

13:03Okay, Dennis is right.

13:04Just hear me out.

13:04If we want to win, we can't compete like men.

13:07But what we can do is use those skills of mental manipulation against them.

13:12Do you want to know why?

13:13Why?

13:13Because they're stupid.

13:20Hey, Mac.

13:21How come you throw the ball so straight?

13:23I throw the ball straight because as a man, dominance is my sporting style.

13:28Uh, I heard it's because you have no finesse.

13:31You don't know how to spin the ball.

13:32What?

13:33Yeah.

13:33I have finesse.

13:34I can spin the ball.

13:35You want to see me?

13:35Yeah.

13:36Yeah.

13:36Uh, Mac, Mac.

13:37Can I talk to you for a second?

13:38Yeah.

13:39Do not try and spin the ball.

13:42She said that I can't spin and I can spin.

13:44You do not try it.

13:45But Dennis, she said I have no finesse and you know that I have finesse.

13:47Don't do it.

13:48Just play your game.

13:49I don't care.

13:50You don't need to spin it.

13:51You just play your game and we're gonna win.

13:52Okay?

13:53Do not spin it.

13:54Do not do it.

13:58Okay?

13:58Fine.

13:59I won't.

14:00I won't spin it.

14:02I won't.

14:06Stride, stride, stride, spin!

14:10God damn it!

14:11Shutter ball.

14:12Uh-oh!

14:13I'm gonna try it again.

14:14I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming.

14:16Hey, Tyrone, double or nothing because there's no way you're beating me two out of three, dude.

14:21Hey, Charlie, excuse me, can I ask your advice on something?

14:24Yeah.

14:24Well, you're just such a good natural bowler and I'm having a hard time, so I was wondering,

14:27where are you putting your elbow when you're bowling?

14:29My elbow?

14:30Yeah, before you throw the ball, where's your elbow going?

14:32Oh, you want me to show you where my elbow goes?

14:34Yeah.

14:35Oh, I'm, I, my elbow's like...

14:37Uh-huh.

14:39That looks good.

14:42Oh.

14:43Gutter ball.

14:45Holy shit, it's working.

14:52There we go.

14:53Oh, no.

14:54Okay, it's okay.

14:54Yeah.

14:55Damn it!

14:56Just walk!

14:57What are you doing?

14:58Drive, drive, drive!

14:59Spin it!

15:00Ah!

15:01Gutter ball.

15:02Get it!

15:02Stop it!

15:03Gutter ball.

15:05Gutter ball.

15:07Gutter ball.

15:09Gutter ball.

15:10Gutter ball.

15:11Gutter ball.

15:25Gutter ball.

15:26What? Hey!

15:33What? What happened?

15:36What the hell happened?

15:37In the third act of my play, Donna rolls a gutter ball in the big match against her rival high school.

15:42Are you serious?

15:43Oh, my God.

15:44Can you knock it off with the play, please?

15:46Uh, well, you know, you done good, ladies.

15:55Your little mind games, they got you pretty far.

15:57But unfortunately, still 11 points shy in the final frame.

16:03Now, technically, I could pick up this spare and push the lead even further,

16:07and I think we all know Dee's about to roll two gutter balls.

16:10So I'll tell you what.

16:11Dee, if you would like, uh, you could just quit now.

16:15And you could all admit that you're inferior in every single way.

16:19And we could just call it a night.

16:21Okay, you know what, Dick?

16:22I don't like your sister.

16:24She's a terrible person.

16:25She's a bitch, and she's ugly, and I didn't want her on the team.

16:28Yeah, she's gross.

16:30Sure, and she's gross.

16:31But you know what?

16:32You're even worse.

16:33And I'm not gonna sit here and let you just shit on her all night long.

16:36You think you're physically superior?

16:39Yeah.

16:40Then I challenge you to a test of strength.

16:42This isn't fair.

16:45Oh.

16:46Is it not fair?

16:47Okay, well, if you're scared, we don't have to do it.

16:49Okay.

16:50Well, listen, if you insist, that's fine.

16:51I do.

16:52Let's do it, yeah.

16:53Okay.

16:54Ladies first.

16:55All right, let's do it.

16:56Go!

16:57Go, waitress, go!

16:58Get all you got!

16:59Time for a show.

17:00Oh!

17:01Oh, shit.

17:02Didn't know you could kick it.

17:03Oh, yeah, you could kick it.

17:04And that's fine.

17:05Yeah, yeah, okay, do it, go.

17:06Okay, good.

17:07Show me what you got to do this!

17:08Come on!

17:09Let's go, buddy!

17:10I summon the very facts that I am a man!

17:15I have defeated you, and of course I have.

17:30I've been blessed with the genetic gifts to do so.

17:36I've broken every single bone in my hand.

17:40I cannot bowl.

17:41What?

17:42Really?

17:43There's nothing solid left in there.

17:44It's just bloody soup and bone broth.

17:47All right, now I need to scream, and I need you to find me somewhere to scream so I don't

17:50have to do it here.

17:51No, wait a minute.

17:53I'm going to scream here, and now, because I can't hold it in, so here we go.

17:57Oh, please.

18:00Ryan, I need you to bowl for me.

18:03I'll never bowl again.

18:04Come on, man.

18:05Why not?

18:06What's the big deal?

18:07The story is too horrible to tell.

18:09Oh, for fuck's sake, just spit it out.

18:10Yeah, you clearly want to tell it, man.

18:12Fine.

18:13But brace yourself.

18:15There I was, practicing for the state semifinals.

18:19I was on my way to a perfect game.

18:25I was enjoying some chili cheese fries.

18:32They were delicious, and I offered some to Ryan.

18:34I accepted, but not realizing my other hand was in the ball return lane.

18:38I never should have allowed myself such indulgences, because little did I know my ball was returning.

18:53You pinched it really bad.

18:54I had a nasty bruise for a week.

18:56That's it?

18:57That's why you...

18:58What?

18:59You pinched your finger?

19:00You pinched your finger?

19:01Big deal, man.

19:02I'll bowl for you.

19:03Okay, fine.

19:04Wait, what's happening?

19:05What do you say?

19:06What?

19:07Nothing.

19:08What?

19:09Nothing.

19:10What's going on?

19:11Liam's going to bowl for me, because I hurt my hand a little bit.

19:14Ow!

19:15Ow, I just twisted my ankle.

19:17No!

19:18Yeah, and I need Ryan to bowl for me.

19:20No way!

19:21My ankle is hurt, and I need Ryan to bowl for me.

19:23That is bullshit!

19:28This is incredibly weird.

19:44Well, well, well, Dee, it looks like you're going to have to roll after all.

20:12Fine.

20:13No problem. I'm going to make my team proud.

20:17Oh, well, maybe you will. Or maybe you roll a gutter ball.

20:28One pin. That's all. You can do this.

20:32Gutter ball?

20:33No. No. Just don't think gutter ball, that's all.

20:39Oh, hi, Dean. I'm in here, too.

20:41Gutter ball.

20:46Gutter ball.

20:47You goddamn son of a...

20:53Gutter ball.

21:03Gutter ball.

21:03Oh, no, no.

21:17Oh, no, no, no, no.

21:21Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

21:24I did it!

21:30In your face!

21:31Ed, what's going on?

21:33Where did everybody go?

21:34Frank's having a threesome in the bathroom with Gail and Artemis.

21:38And, um, yeah, I think the guys went to the Sixers game.

21:41What?

21:43Oh, goddammit.

21:45Why aren't you celebrating?

21:47Um, yeah, honestly, I don't give a shit about women's sports.

21:54What?

22:08I hate him! I hate him!

22:38I hate him!

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