It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 15 Episode 8

Cinema Series US Film

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 15 Episode 8 #CinemaSeriesUSFilm   🎞 Please join  https://t.me/CinemaSeriesUSFilm

Transcript

00:00This dude is really doing it for me now.

00:09Well, yeah, because you're using it as food

00:11instead of using it as a reviving mechanism.

00:13Look, there's that truck again.

00:16Oh, God damn it.

00:18Are you telling me there's going to be

00:19obnoxious Americans on this hike?

00:20Because that's the last thing I want to see.

00:21Hey, you guys, wait up for a second.

00:23Oh, Frank, why are you carrying all that stuff, man?

00:25We're going on a day hike.

00:26No, I just want to make sure Charlie

00:28realize that I'm still useful.

00:31You know, in case he or Shelly

00:32needs a drink or something to eat.

00:34You got piss in that canteen?

00:36No, I got Gatorade in that canteen.

00:40The other one's got to piss in case things go bad.

00:43Oh, there he is.

00:47Charlie!

00:47Hey!

00:49Yo, pal.

00:50Charlie.

00:50Oh, hello.

00:52I see you all fell for my ruse.

00:54What ruse?

00:54Are you asking us to go on a hike with your dad

00:56and us saying yes?

00:57Oldest trick in the book.

00:59Asking someone to do something?

01:01Exactly.

01:01And then them doing it?

01:03Precisely, yes.

01:04Wait a minute.

01:05Where's Shelly?

01:06You said he was coming with us.

01:07Oh, yeah, no, Shelly's coming with us.

01:09Yeah, he's going on a hike all the way up the mountain.

01:12Only thing is, he can't really walk,

01:14so we're going to have to carry him.

01:16Oh.

01:17Oh.

01:18You know, no offense, Charlie,

01:19but Shelly's fat as shit.

01:21Oh, no offense taken, Dennis,

01:22just because he is fat as shit,

01:24but he won't really mind us saying that

01:26because he's dead.

01:28What?

01:28What the hell are you talking about?

01:30I'm talking about Shelly Kelly,

01:32my dad.

01:33He's dead.

01:40Oh, shit.

01:41I'm talking about Shelly Kelly,

01:44and she's dead.

01:45Oh, shit.

01:46I'm talking about Shelly Kelly,

01:46but she's dead.

01:47Oh, shit.

01:48Oh, shit.

01:49Oh, shit.

02:20I think it's totally awesome.

02:22I'm just a little worried about my back.

02:24Your back?

02:25You've always said that your back has the symmetry of the Vitruvian man,

02:28and it's the foundation of your structural essence.

02:30Yeah.

02:31Well, why would I want to ruin my essence, Mac?

02:33I'm not doing it.

02:33Look, guys, the men in my family have been doing this for thousands of years,

02:36and it's really important to me that we keep this tradition going.

02:39Okay?

02:40Now, I hate to say this, you know, but it is an emergency,

02:43so I'm just going to blurt it right out.

02:46Bros before hoes.

02:48He's right.

02:49He's got us.

02:49You know, man, bros before hoes, guys.

02:52That doesn't fit here.

02:53Bros before hoes.

02:54What does that have to do with anything?

02:55That's sort of a catch-all, D.

02:57Okay, let's just grab a piece of the bag, and we'll get it over with.

03:00This is not a sock, but let's just...

03:01Bros before hoes.

03:02Bros before hoes.

03:02Come on.

03:03And hoes, too.

03:04Ah!

03:05Ah!

03:09Ah!

03:10There's gotta be a better way.

03:35Isn't there like a sled or a wagon or something?

03:38No, they didn't slide my ancestors up the hill.

03:41They didn't wagon them.

03:42They carried them.

03:43Guys, I gotta be honest.

03:44I'm getting a little worried about my back here.

03:46Can I suggest something?

03:48What if we burn the body and carry the ashes up the hill?

03:52No, no.

03:53I could consecrate them.

03:54Look, no one is going to torch or consummate all over my dad.

03:58Yeah, we're here for Charlie.

03:59Charlie, you hungry?

04:00You want a snack?

04:01I got egg.

04:02Oh, you want some gorp?

04:04Or how about a wine spritzer?

04:06Ooh, I'll take a spritzer.

04:07Bros before hoes, Dee.

04:09Frank, can I please have a white wine spritzer?

04:11No, no, they're for Charlie.

04:13Charlie, order me a wine spritzer, please.

04:15All right, one spritzer for Mac, please, Frank.

04:17Well, Charlie, order me one, then.

04:19Well, it is bros before hoes, and none of the bros have been spritzed.

04:22Well, it's Fritz Dennis, Charlie.

04:23I really want one.

04:24Guys, can I suggest something else?

04:26What if we, now bear with me here.

04:28What if we chop the body up and we carry it up in pieces, right?

04:31Or melt it somehow.

04:33Well, you're like you did to Dee's doctor, guy.

04:35Well, what?

04:36Frank, shut up, man.

04:37What, you didn't tell her?

04:38Tell me what?

04:39Well, that doctor showed up at the castle, and you weren't there, so Dennis poured hot oil on him.

04:44Charlie, you sure you don't want to do that, Dee?

04:45What?

04:46Shut up!

04:47Can we please not drop my dad?

04:49What is he talking about, Dennis?

04:50Don't worry about it, Dee.

04:51Come on, it wasn't even that hot.

04:54Did you use the murder hole?

04:55Dee, don't get mad at me, okay?

04:57The guy showed up, and you weren't there.

04:59What was I supposed to do?

05:00Oh, I don't know.

05:01Not scald him?

05:02Oh, come on.

05:03You weren't there to enjoy him, so I enjoyed him, per the castle's wishes.

05:06Are you still talking to the castle?

05:08I thought that was a COVID thing.

05:09Oh, Dee, let it go.

05:11Let it go.

05:12Oh, my God.

05:14I cannot believe this.

05:15I am out of here.

05:16Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

05:17You can't go.

05:18You killed my dad with your stupid banshee curse.

05:21My stupid what?

05:21That's why he died.

05:22You know, every Kelly saw a banshee right before he died.

05:25My dad saw you, so you got to be here.

05:27Kelly, banshees aren't radio!

05:30Is that what it was?

05:31Yes, that could be it.

05:32All right, you know what?

05:33Fine.

05:34Go.

05:35We don't even need you.

05:36We were probably going to throw you from the top anyway.

05:38I thought about it.

05:39I do, too.

05:40I was thinking about it, too.

05:41Yeah, well, you got to play it safe, you know?

05:42You never know.

05:43You got to be sure.

05:44What if she's a witch?

05:45What if she's a witch?

05:54Frank, you okay there?

05:55Yeah.

05:56We got to stop.

05:57I see it.

05:59There we go.

06:00The corner here.

06:02I hate to admit it, but this is a lot heavier without D.

06:05How much weight was she bearing?

06:07It's that monstrous spine of hers, you know?

06:09The scoliosis hardened it into petrified wood,

06:12unlike my back, which is pretty much all muscle.

06:15Whoa, whoa, whoa!

06:17You okay, dude?

06:17You all right?

06:18Yeah, I'm good, I'm good.

06:19What did you trip on?

06:22I don't know.

06:22Just something on the ground or something.

06:24Maybe let me jump back in there, yeah?

06:25Wait a second.

06:26Did you guys notice that the body didn't get heavier when Dennis let go?

06:31No, if anything, it feels lighter.

06:33Significantly lighter.

06:34That's odd.

06:35Uh, well, I don't know how something like that could possibly happen.

06:39What would explain something like that?

06:41Could it be maybe the Banshee curse?

06:43Is it to have something to do?

06:43Were you not carrying it?

06:44Not ca- what are you talking about, man?

06:46Not carrying it?

06:47Yeah, I was carrying it.

06:48Why did it get lighter?

06:50Oh, my God.

06:50It looks like he was dragging his feet back here.

06:52Were you hanging on it?

06:54No.

06:54He must have tripped and lost his grip, and that's how he fell.

06:57Oh, God.

06:58You were taking it, right?

06:58You were not even holding it.

07:00Oh, come on.

07:01Time out.

07:02Time out, guys.

07:02Can we please not make dropping my dad a thing, right?

07:05If you get frustrated, just place the man down.

07:07I'm sorry.

07:07I get frustrated, I throw.

07:09I don't-

07:09All right, listen, listen, guys.

07:10Yes, fine.

07:12Yeah, I was hanging on the back a little bit.

07:13You know, just from moment to moment.

07:14You know, just a tiny, tiny bit, okay?

07:16I was trying to decompress my Vitruvian spine.

07:19I'm sorry.

07:20I told you guys it was something I was worried about.

07:22Guys, we got bigger problems than this.

07:25How are we going to get that up that hill?

07:29All right, well-

07:31That's steep.

07:31It's going to suck, but we'll just have to carry it.

07:34Okay, well, hold on a second, Charlotte.

07:36Let's think about this.

07:37Now, while I do not approve of Dennis riding your dead dad,

07:41I think we have to think about this from an engineering perspective.

07:45Now, as a Dutch man, I think I would look at this

07:48the way I would think of a windmill or a dam.

07:50Cool.

07:51How's a windmill going to help us?

07:53I haven't been Dutch long enough to know.

07:56We had a really giant windmill.

07:58We could just blow him up the hill.

08:00Oh, a giant windmill could blow him up.

08:01Do you have your giant windmill in your bag?

08:03Hold on a second.

08:04Let me suggest something else.

08:06What if we slide him up the steep part of the hill?

08:10You know, wait, wait, wait, wait.

08:11Frank, do you have a tent in that bag?

08:13Yeah, I got a tent.

08:14I got a tent.

08:15How's that for being resourceful, Charlie?

08:17Oh, okay.

08:18Now, look, this is good.

08:20Now, Charlie, we're still honoring your dad.

08:22We're just sliding him up this one section.

08:24That's it.

08:26All right, fine.

08:27We'll slide the man up the hill just this part,

08:29but then we'll go back to carrying him, all of us, please.

08:34Yeah.

08:36All right, pop the tent out.

08:37Let's get it.

08:37Let me get it.

08:38Keep it on.

08:40I'll just get it out of here.

08:41Okay.

08:41One, two, three.

08:43Go!

08:44One, two, three.

08:46Go!

08:48One, two, three.

08:49Ah!

08:50Ah!

08:52One, two, three.

08:55Ah!

08:56Ah!

08:56Yes!

08:56Ah!

08:57Ah!

08:58Ah!

08:59Yes!

08:59Ah!

09:00Ah!

09:01Ah!

09:02Ah!

09:02I got to say, too, that still felt respectful.

09:05That is okay.

09:06Guys, I actually feel like that was a back strengthening exercise for me.

09:09Awesome.

09:10Oh, my God.

09:11All right, let's just take a rest here, right?

09:12Yeah.

09:13I'm going to gorp anybody into gorp.

09:14Yeah.

09:15I want to have some.

09:15Let's do it out.

09:16Let's do it out.

09:17Get some gorp.

09:17Maybe, guys, let's have a couple of spritzers.

09:19We want to spritz.

09:19Spritz for Max.

09:20Spritz for Max.

09:21Spritz for Max.

09:21Yeah, I got spritz.

09:22We'll get this all bridge out the hill.

09:23All right.

09:23Let's do it again.

09:24Oh.

09:25Oh!

09:26Oh!

09:27Oh!

09:28Oh!

09:29Oh!

09:30Oh!

09:31Oh!

09:32Oh!

09:33Oh!

09:34Oh!

09:35Oh!

09:36Oh, he's still going.

09:37Oh!

09:38Oh!

09:39Oh!

09:40Oh!

09:41Okay, that's my bad.

09:42Oh!

09:43Okay.

09:44That is, uh, that's going to be a mess inside that bag, guys.

09:47Oh, yeah.

09:48That's one big sack of Irish stew.

09:50Yeah.

09:51Yeah.

09:52Yeah.

09:53Okay.

09:54All right.

09:55What do you say we go back down there, and we dump out whatever liquid is probably in

10:00that body bag, and then that'll lighten the load.

10:03Okay.

10:04Yeah, no, that works for me.

10:05Yeah.

10:06And then we can carry it up, no problem.

10:07Yeah.

10:08All right.

10:09I'm starting to see myself as more of a problem solver.

10:12I think that actually could be a new identity.

10:14I'm going to put that on the list.

10:15You guys are going to want to hear this.

10:17So, Dutch first.

10:19Dutch first, then gay, then problem solver.

10:22Now, could you repeat that back to me?

10:23Dude, shut up!

10:24Oh, my God.

10:25All right?

10:26You're Irish, Mac.

10:27Yeah.

10:28You're not Dutch.

10:29What?

10:30You're Irish.

10:31Right?

10:32But we knew you were going to be so goddamn annoying about it on the trip, and that it

10:33was going to be the only thing you talked about, so we paid your mom to tell you you were Dutch.

10:36Of course, there's a couple of Lucy's.

10:37Yeah.

10:38Your mom does not like you, dude.

10:39Yeah, but I mean, Luther Vandross, Mac.

10:41Really?

10:42Luther Vandross?

10:43Come on, man.

10:44But somehow it's been even worse.

10:45You're talking about your identity even more.

10:47I can't believe it.

10:48Why would you do that?

10:49And by the way, the tattoo?

10:50Can we talk about that?

10:51The shamrock tattoo?

10:52No!

10:53You want to see it?

10:54No, I don't want to see it, goddammit.

10:55No!

10:56You're getting rid of all the other tattoos and not the worst tattoo.

10:58You're keeping the shamrock?

10:59I want it gone.

11:00We want it gone.

11:01It's a bad tattoo, Mac.

11:02Yeah, get rid of the shamrock.

11:03So you thought you just unraveled my entire identity?

11:06Nothing's unraveled!

11:07You're studying!

11:08You've always been you!

11:09Fine.

11:10You know what?

11:11You take that liquid meat body bag and you get it up the goddamn hill by yourself,

11:14because I'm out.

11:15Is he going to get rid of the tattoo?

11:16He's not going to get rid of the tattoo.

11:17Are you getting rid of the tattoo?

11:18Are you going to get rid of the tattoo?

11:19I'm going to get another shamrock tattoo on the other leg.

11:22Don't you dare!

11:23Oh, I'm going to do it.

11:24Don't you dare get another shamrock tattoo, you son of a bitch!

11:33Oh, goddammit.

11:34Nobody admit this to Mac, but I feel like he was carrying a ton of weight.

11:50Yeah.

11:51That would be another one of his annoying identities.

11:54The man who could carry stuff.

11:55Oh, god.

11:56Wait.

11:57I gotta take a break.

11:58I gotta take a break.

11:59Guys!

12:00Please!

12:01I gotta take a break and gently place him down.

12:03Stop dropping him over and over again.

12:05Look, this isn't working, okay?

12:06Look, you don't want to burn the guy.

12:08Fine.

12:09Personally, I don't understand it, but there are other solutions to this problem, okay?

12:12Let's just chop the body up.

12:14It's already mangled.

12:15Come on, man.

12:16Look, I'm just trying to get him to the top of the mountain as per his wishes.

12:19He lived a hard enough life.

12:20You know, he slaved away as a cheese monster or whatever.

12:23He died with his lungs filled with fluid.

12:25He was gasping for air.

12:27You know, the least we can do is send him off with some dignity.

12:29Wait a second.

12:30What did you say?

12:31How did your dad die?

12:33He died from a banshee curse.

12:34You know this.

12:35No, no, no.

12:36What was the thing about his lungs being filled with fluid?

12:37Well, yeah, when I got him to the hospital, the doctor said his lungs were all filled

12:40with fluid and he couldn't really breathe, and then they tried to get him on a respirator,

12:43but there wasn't enough time.

12:44He died.

12:45Oh.

12:46Well, buddy, that sounds like COVID.

12:48COVID?

12:49So the poor guy's dying from a banshee curse, and now he's gotta deal with COVID on top

12:53of everything else?

12:54Did you give him COVID, Dennis?

12:55Me?

12:56I never even interacted with the man.

12:57I was behind a stone wall and a painting that night.

12:59What, do you think I was shooting COVID laser beams out of my eyeballs?

13:02Well, look, I don't know how it works, but you're the only one who didn't get vaccinated.

13:06I mean, I got the shot.

13:07Frank got the shot.

13:08The shot?

13:09The government shot?

13:10I didn't do that.

13:11What?

13:12You're not vaccinated?

13:13Oh, yeah, I'm fully vaccinated.

13:14I got the non-shot kind.

13:15What?

13:16There is no non-shot kind, Frank.

13:18Of course there is.

13:19The hydro pills and the bleach and the horse dewormer, the president stuff.

13:26Wait, wait.

13:27Oh, Jesus.

13:28Why would you not take the shot?

13:29Well, they put the thing in your arm with a chip, and it goes inside your body.

13:33I heard the nerd on the island talk about it.

13:36Once they get that thing inside of you, they can control your thoughts.

13:39They take your thoughts, download them, put them into humanity.

13:42You know what I mean?

13:43What is he talking about?

13:44Why is he talking about manatees?

13:45Guys, this is what I'm learning, okay?

13:47I had COVID.

13:48I gave it to Frank.

13:49Frank gave it to your dad.

13:50Frank killed your dad.

13:51Goddammit!

13:52Wait a minute.

13:53To be fair, COVID killed your dad.

13:54I just gave it to him.

13:55Okay.

13:56Well, this is insane.

13:57This is insane.

13:58All right?

13:59You know what?

14:00I'm out of here.

14:01Screw this.

14:02I can't do this.

14:03You're leaving?

14:04Ah!

14:05There it is.

14:06Goddammit!

14:07This is exactly what I was worried about.

14:09It's the end of the Vitruvian era.

14:11It's over!

14:12Goddamn!

14:13Goddamn!

14:14My essence has been ruined by tiny cars, castle beds, and...

14:20Goddamn!

14:21I hate this godforsaken country!

14:23Aw, man!

14:24Hey, he's probably fakin' it.

14:27Yeah.

14:30Eh, look.

14:32I'm sorry if I gave your dad COVID.

14:35I mean, if that's the case.

14:37I mean, we don't have proof.

14:39It's kind of like the Epstein thing.

14:40Yeah, all right.

14:41Look, Frank, you can stop.

14:42No.

14:43I forgive you, all right?

14:44Kelly always forgives.

14:46The men, that is.

14:48Not women so much.

14:50For what it's worth, I'm sorry I'm not your real dad.

14:55Thanks, Frank.

14:56I'm kinda sorry, too.

14:58But don't you worry.

15:01I'll always be there for you.

15:04I'll always have your back.

15:06Yeah.

15:07You thirsty?

15:08Yes.

15:09Oh, here.

15:10Try some of this Gatorade.

15:12There you go.

15:13There you go.

15:16Ah!

15:17Is that piss?

15:18Oh!

15:19That's not supposed to be the piss one.

15:21Why do you have a piss one?

15:22Oh, here, here.

15:23Why is there always a piss one with you?

15:24Give me that.

15:25Wash it out again.

15:26God damn it, Frank.

15:29That's piss too!

15:30Oh, no, no.

15:31What the fuck?

15:32Oh, I must have got confused and pissing them both.

15:34Wait, wait, wait.

15:35God damn it, dude.

15:36I got a spritzer.

15:37How about a spritzer?

15:38I don't want a fuckin' spritzer.

15:39God damn it, Frank.

15:40Why do you have cantines full of piss?

15:41No.

15:42Why is there always something crazy with you?

15:44God damn it.

15:45Look, I'm gonna do it alone.

15:46I don't need your help.

15:47Just go.

15:48No, Charlie.

15:49Just go!

15:50I don't need your help, Frank!

15:51Charlie!

16:10I hate this place.

16:11It's the worst!

16:12If there is anything I have learned from this godforsaken rock, it is that I never want

16:16to see any of you assholes ever again.

16:18Oh, Dee, don't worry about it, because as soon as I figure out who or what I am, you'll

16:22never see me again!

16:23You're Irish.

16:24You're Irish!

16:25You're Irish!

16:26You're Irish!

16:27You're Irish, gay guy!

16:28Shhh!

16:29Shhh!

16:30Shhh!

16:31Shhh!

16:32Shhh!

16:33Shhh!

16:34Shhh!

16:35You are screaming!

16:38Now that you notice that everyone else in here is speaking at a normal volume.

16:45Shhh!

16:46Shhhut up!

16:47Shhhut up!

16:48Shhhut up!

16:50You listen to me, you bitch.

16:52You gotta bitchy.

16:53I will speak at whatever volume I choose.

16:56And if you don't like it, you can suck my big fat dick!

17:01One volume?

17:02For every single person in the whole wide world?

17:05That's socialism.

17:06And I won't stand for it!

17:07We should be able to speak at whatever volume we identify with, because that is the American

17:13way!

17:14But you are not in America!

17:17We are America, sweetheart!

17:19And we carry our country with us wherever we go!

17:24Because we love her!

17:26And when you love someone, you can't bear to leave them behind!

17:32Not ever!

17:49I can't do it!

18:13I can't do this!

18:17I'm sorry, Dad.

18:20I can't do it.

18:25This isn't fair.

18:27I shouldn't have to carry you up a hill.

18:32You never carried me up a hill.

18:37You never picked me up from school.

18:39You didn't read me bedtime stories.

18:41You didn't carry me on your shoulders.

18:44You didn't bounce me off.

18:45You weren't there.

18:47And I needed you.

18:52I needed you.

18:58You were supposed to carry me.

19:02You were supposed to carry me.

19:11I'm glad you're dead.

19:14I'm glad you're dead.

19:17I'm not enough to spend the rest of my life waiting for you to pick me up.

19:20Hey, buddy!

19:24Hey!

19:25I'm so sorry I killed your dad in front of you before I'm sorry.

19:42Now we left you behind.

19:43We should have never left you, buddy.

19:45We should have never left America.

19:46Yeah.

19:47We should have...

19:47I miss Philly.

19:49Let's go home.

19:50Yeah.

19:50I may be Irish, but I'm American-Irish first.

19:53How did you get the truck?

19:54The American way.

19:56I threw a lot of cash at the owner.

19:58Come on.

19:59Let's put him in the back and throw your dad off the cliff.

20:02Let's go home.

20:03Let's go home.

20:04Come on, Charlie.

20:04Come on.

20:05Come on.

20:06One, two, three.

20:13Oh.

20:14Oh.

20:15Oh.

20:15Shit.

20:16OK.

20:16Uh, they're supposed to go in the water.

20:18Maybe they usually do this in high time.

20:19They probably did.

20:20Oh, yeah.

20:21Oh, yeah.

20:22Oh, the birds will get them.

20:23Yeah.

20:24I mean, should we try to scramble our way down there and throw them in the water?

20:27I mean, I don't want to, but it's good.

20:28I mean, there's a bunch of kids down there.

20:30Oh, there's kids?

20:31Yeah.

20:32Oh, that's good.

20:32Then they'll find the body and they'll call the cops.

20:34It'll be sort of like a stand-by-me situation.

20:36It'll be fun for them.

20:37All right.

20:38You know what, guys?

20:39Here's what I'm feeling.

20:40Forget this dude.

20:41He was a deadbeat, right?

20:42Can we just go home?

20:43Yes.

20:44Let's go home.

20:45Let's go home.

20:46You want to get some stew?

20:47Yeah, man.

20:48Stew?

20:49Oh, it is kind of nasty.

20:50You guys want to go to McDonald's?

20:52Oh, yeah.

20:53Oh, yeah.

20:54Oh, McDonald's.

20:55USA!

20:56USA!

20:57USA!

20:58USA!

20:59USA!

21:00USA!

21:09Born down in a dead man's town.

21:12The first kick I took was when I hit the ground.

21:16Ended up like a dog that's been beat too much

21:19till you spent half your life just to cover him up now.

21:24I was born in the USA.

21:27I was born in the USA.

21:32I was born in the USA.

21:36Born in your USA.

21:39Now we got in all this.

21:44My bird have a slow shift.

21:47Goal!

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