Aliyah By Becky Prestwich

Oldtuberadio

Aliyah by Becky Prestwich When her son becomes increasingly obsessed with Judaism and disappears, Rosa, a die-hard atheist is forced to make a journey to Jerusalem. Her elderly father, David travels with her. They eventually make their way to the Meah She'arim district, the largest Haredim community in Israel, an Orthodox enclave, founded in the 19th Century. There is a clash of cultures which brings things to a head in Rosa's own family relationships with her father and her son. An affecting drama about three generations of a family and faith.  Produced and Directed by Pauline Harris.  Rosa Gillian Bevan David David Fleeshman Oscar Ashley Margolis Conrad Conrad Nelson Woman in Meah She'arim Harriet Judd Director Pauline Harris Producer Pauline Harris Writer Becky Prestwich  Do you enjoy the variety on Oldtuberadio? Like, Share and Subscribe to be notified of our new shows #radio #crime #thriller #drama To Support this channel please visit https://www.buymeacoffee.com/oldtuberadio https://ko-fi.com/oldtuberadio98 https://www.patreon.com/oldtuberadio https://locals.com/Oldtuberadio

Transcript

00:00Do not kiss the ground.

00:14I wasn't about it.

00:16Although I'm tempted, now you've told me not to.

00:19Just look at that poor boy.

00:21He's barely eight years old and they've got him kissing the ground in a war zone.

00:25It's probably the most exciting day of his little life.

00:28He's a child.

00:30How can he possibly know what he believes in?

00:33Oscar comes back from university with a yamulka and a prayer book,

00:37and you act like he's brought a terror threat into your home.

00:40Have you come all this way to criticise me?

00:43I've come to help.

00:45I know.

00:46I'm sorry, Dad.

00:51The coach from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem.

00:54I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open.

00:57Is this how Oscar was?

00:59Sluggish?

01:01Exhausted from the flight?

01:03No.

01:04He'd have been wired, watchful, studying every detail.

01:08I hope he wasn't coach sick.

01:10I want to feel what he did.

01:13Was he overwhelmed?

01:14Did he cry?

01:17Even I can see it's beautiful.

01:20That first glimpse of Jerusalem.

01:23Red rooftops and white stone.

01:26Ancient spires.

01:27A golden light glinting on the dome of the rock.

01:34Do you think they've actually refurbished at all since you and one stayed here?

01:39Oh, we don't all have your jet set standards.

01:44I hardly think a functioning lift is an unreasonable demand.

01:47Still, quite some view, huh?

01:53The whole of Jerusalem at our feet.

01:59The last time I was here was 1979.

02:01You'd just gone off to university.

02:05Your mother and I booked it last minute.

02:07A distraction from your empty room.

02:10A chance to relive our wandering youth, I suppose.

02:13Now, even that's a lifetime ago.

02:18Where does the time go?

02:21One minute, you're a young couple.

02:23You're just starting out.

02:25Then in the blink of an eye, you're an old man.

02:28Your one lonely plate drying on the draining board.

02:31The love of your life, gone.

02:34And your grandson, that tiny baby...

02:36Talking like this isn't going to help anyone.

02:38Duh, Mum, I'm sorry. I was just...

02:40Why would he come here?

02:41At every Passover, we pray. Next year, in Jerusalem.

02:45He's been Jewish for all of five minutes.

02:47He's been Jewish his whole life.

02:50Can I see the postcard?

02:52How many times?

02:54It isn't a postcard. It's a card for Rosh Hashanah.

02:57The Shana Tova. That's all it says. Have a good year.

03:01He disappears.

03:03No word from him for over two months.

03:05And then, out of the blue, a postcard from Jerusalem.

03:08Rosh Hashanah is a time to reflect.

03:10To ask for forgiveness.

03:12He must have realised that it was wrong for him to just vanish like he did.

03:16So why not send the card to me?

03:18He was supposed to be driving me to Marks and Spencers that morning.

03:21So you think the postcard's an apology for not helping you choose a new sweater?

03:24I walk into his room and find him gone.

03:26I'm an old man. I could have had a heart attack.

03:28I'm his mother.

03:29I was on his side.

03:30His side against mine?

03:32The big, bad anti-Semite?

03:33I'm not very close after your mother died.

03:36He could tell I was lost without her.

03:39I was supporting his choices, that's all.

03:41Encouraging this perverse obsession.

03:43There's nothing perverse about wanting to explore your faith.

03:45For most of my life, he's only gone to shul once a year, on Yom Kippur.

03:51And then suddenly you're there with him every week.

03:53I pass his room at night and there he'd be, hunched over your old desk,

03:57devouring Hebrew texts the way he used to devour Jermaine Greer.

04:00But why?

04:01Why would you want to stay with an old man studying Hebrew texts?

04:04Oh, well, thanks a lot.

04:06You know what I mean.

04:09That's late.

04:12Let's get some sleep, huh?

04:18The next morning we get up early and make our way into the old city.

04:22A warren of alleyways and hidden staircases,

04:25all carved from that creamy, golden stone.

04:28I'm shocked by how diverse the city is.

04:31We see hijabs, kafirs, monks' cassocks, all manner of religious dress.

04:36Watch your handbag, Rosa.

04:38Oscar must have got so lost.

04:40I hope he has more road sense than you.

04:43Will you watch out?

04:44Sorry!

04:45And Jews from all over the world,

04:47Indian, Ethiopian, Moroccan, united by their yarmulkes.

04:52Is this what Oscar expected?

04:55Is this why he came?

04:57What is it?

04:58That he thinks he has in common with these strangers.

05:01You sure you want to start with the tourist office?

05:04Where else?

05:05The embassy were less than useless.

05:07He isn't here for a Club 1830 holiday.

05:10The tourist office will know where young people go.

05:12Places we couldn't find online.

05:14Okay, just watch where you're going, will you?

05:17Can I help you?

05:21I hope so.

05:22This might sound ridiculous, but it's my son.

05:28He's come to Jerusalem, and we were hoping you could help us find him.

05:33There are maps in the leaflet racks.

05:35No, I mean, we have a list of all the places we could find online, but I was hoping you might

05:39be able to make some more specific suggestions of where a young man might...

05:43The Hebrew courses at the Bait Canada Absorption Centre are popular with young people making Aliyah.

05:48Aliyah?

05:49But, you know, Aliyah, the immigration of Jews to Israel, the ascent to the Holy Land.

05:56Oscar isn't emigrating.

05:58He's here to travel.

06:00To study, maybe.

06:01You don't know what he's here for.

06:03He isn't here to stay.

06:04We dart down crowded, covered market streets, and suddenly we're confronted by the Church

06:11of the Holy Sepulchre, and then a sea of bodies swaying in prayer at the Wailing Wall.

06:17Maybe this is what Oscar wanted, to go back in time.

06:21His hands in his pockets, his head in the clouds, his worn trainers sliding over the ancient stone.

06:28Does he really believe he'll feel God through the cracks in a very old wall?

06:32Oh, we don't have time for this.

06:36Rosa, we can't come to the old city and ignore the Wailing Wall.

06:42You have to admit, it's impressive.

06:44Do you have a piece of paper?

06:47You want to pray?

06:47Do you have a piece of paper, or not?

06:51Here.

06:54Will you wait for me?

06:55Huh?

06:57I enter the women's section.

07:00It's crowded.

07:00I see orthodox women in long black skirts, reading from their prayer books.

07:06A little girl with a backpack, pulling at her mum's hand.

07:09An old woman, her face streaming with tears.

07:12All these women with their heads bowed.

07:15How many are mothers praying for their sons?

07:19It wasn't a prayer.

07:21Not exactly.

07:23You don't need to explain yourself.

07:26Praying has always seemed so self-indulgent.

07:28It was, I don't know, a message to the universe.

07:33The first time your mother and I came here, I was mesmerised.

07:42I'd always been a good little Jewish boy.

07:44But standing here, 19 years old, it was the first time I truly felt something.

07:55Something enormous and primeval.

07:58Beyond our ordinary world.

08:01Your mum felt it too.

08:02I could tell the way she gripped my hand as we walked back.

08:09It's good for the soul to remind ourselves how small we really are.

08:15I should have said gaddish with you.

08:17What?

08:19At mum's funeral.

08:20Come on.

08:23We should go.

08:28We catch a bus into the new city.

08:31It's like leaping forward in time.

08:33Traffic lights and mobile phone shops, ice cream parlours.

08:37We could be in any city.

08:39Except that the gaggle of youths hanging out at the ice cream shop are all dressed in green and carrying M16 assault rifles.

08:46The next day, we begin again.

08:50We go from youth hostel to youth hostel.

08:53Asking in internet cafes and bookshops.

08:55I even show his photo to strangers in the market.

08:58The hostel we're looking for is just around the corner.

09:02Milky bars!

09:04Can you believe it?

09:05They were always his favourite.

09:07Do you remember?

09:07It's a long time since he's liked Milky bars.

09:09I know.

09:10I was just saying.

09:10He only had dark chocolates after he went kosher.

09:13Don't get me started on that.

09:14The amount of time he'd spent scrutinising food, I wanted to scream at him, just eat it.

09:19He enjoyed taking care of what he had.

09:21And not only food, it was like everything about him slowed down.

09:25He's always been thoughtful.

09:26Come on, we said one more hostel before we stop for lunch.

09:35Excuse me?

09:37I said, excuse me?

09:40Could you turn that down, please?

09:42I'm looking for my son, Oscar Goodman.

09:47We can't give out guest details.

09:49He's been missing for over two months.

09:51Like I said.

09:52He's my son.

09:54Please.

09:56His name is Oscar.

09:57Oscar Goodman.

10:00I'm sorry, there's no one of that name.

10:02He's in his twenties.

10:04British.

10:05Here.

10:06Have you tried the Jaffa Gate hostel?

10:08That's popular even now.

10:09We've tried there, thank you.

10:11The Citadel?

10:11Yes, there as well.

10:13A lot of the young Jews end up on the Aaliyah absorption programmes.

10:17There's the Bait Canada Centre.

10:18We've tried there, thank you.

10:19It's late.

10:20We should be getting back.

10:22That's him.

10:23What?

10:24There.

10:25It's him.

10:26It's him.

10:27Oscar.

10:28Oscar.

10:29Oscar.

10:30It's me.

10:31Do I know you?

10:33Oh, sorry.

10:34I thought you were someone else.

10:37Sorry.

10:40Where?

10:40It wasn't him.

10:42Oh.

10:43Oh, this is hopeless, Rosa.

10:46Let's call it a night, eh?

10:48We're not going to find him in a place like this anyway.

10:50They're all young.

10:52They're drunk.

10:52Oscar is young.

10:53We're spending too long on these backpacker places.

10:56We should be making appointments with rabbis, speaking to them about it.

11:00Are you saying you know him better than I do?

11:02I'm saying it's late, though.

11:04We've looked enough for one day.

11:05Well, you go if you want to.

11:07I can't leave you.

11:09No.

11:10Because how could you leave your child alone in a city like this?

11:13You wouldn't sleep, would you?

11:14Knowing I was all alone out there.

11:16It's the same for me.

11:18It isn't the same.

11:19For all we know...

11:20We don't know anything.

11:24Just days after that card arrived, a terrorist rammed his car right into the crowd at Jerusalem train station.

11:30Just ordinary people waiting for a train.

11:32He drove right into them.

11:35Newspapers are calling it a silent intifada.

11:37A response to the atrocities in Gaza.

11:39Stones thrown at buses.

11:41Random stabbings.

11:42Rosa, it's been a long day.

11:47That night we ate late at a falafel restaurant in the New City.

11:52Neither of us could think of anything to say.

11:54What are we doing here, Dad?

11:58I did try and tell you.

12:00But you insisted.

12:02Ever since you were a little girl, you've always had to have your own way.

12:06Maybe he's right.

12:09I do always want my own way.

12:11But then what mother wouldn't have come?

12:13I should have put a stop to all this sooner.

12:16When Oscar first left for university, we spoke every Saturday morning.

12:20And then, suddenly, he stopped answering my calls.

12:23When he first said he'd been going to shul, I laughed.

12:27He went to stay at Dad's.

12:28I should never have let him go.

12:42Dad!

12:43Dad!

12:44Wake up!

12:45Listen, I was talking to...

12:46What time is this?

12:48I don't know.

12:49It's late.

12:49It's early.

12:50It doesn't matter.

12:50This boy I was talking to in a bar...

12:53Have you been drinking?

12:55Not drinking, no.

12:56I've had a drink.

12:57Well, did you sneak out while I was sleeping?

13:01Rosie, you're over 50 years old.

13:03I thought those days were behind us.

13:04I couldn't sleep.

13:06Anyway, none of this is important.

13:07What I'm saying is Rory told me...

13:09Rory?

13:10Yes, Rory.

13:11The boy in the bar.

13:12Keep up.

13:13Had he seen Oscar?

13:14No, but he gave me an idea.

13:16I don't know why I didn't think about it before.

13:18It's obvious, really.

13:19This boy, Rory, he's a volunteer with an organisation that helps young people understand

13:25how terrifying life is for Palestinians in the Occupied Territory.

13:29And?

13:30Well, it's not obvious.

13:31He was like Oscar.

13:32I mean, he was just like Oscar.

13:35The way Rory explained being here, he made sense to me.

13:38Oscar isn't you, and he isn't some unknown boy called Rory.

13:42He's a pacifist, though.

13:43He always has been.

13:44We marched together against Iraq.

13:46Oscar was ten years old when Britain invaded Iraq.

13:49You marched.

13:50He looked endearing, carrying your placard.

13:52Some of the volunteers are Jewish, if that's what's bothering you.

13:56There's another organisation he described.

13:58Rabbis for Human Rights.

13:59But so was Oscar's a rabbi now.

14:01They help with the Palestinian olive harvest.

14:04Rory made it sound quite beautiful, actually.

14:07He had ever such a way with words.

14:08Is there a point to this?

14:09As he was talking, I could see it in my mind's eye.

14:13I can see Oscar doing something like that.

14:15Even if you're right, what do you suggest we do?

14:17It's one thing passing a photo around youth hostels in the Old City.

14:21It's another going blindly into the West Bank.

14:23I'm not suggesting we wander in blindly.

14:26We make a new list.

14:29Volunteer opportunities in and around Jerusalem.

14:31I can feel it, Dad.

14:34We're getting closer.

14:36The next day, we start again with a renewed energy.

14:41We visit a hostel who offer internships, the headquarters of a Human Rights Watch, and then...

14:48Free restaurant?

14:50Can you believe this place?

14:52According to this, two out of five Israeli children live below the poverty line.

14:56Oh, well, that can't be right.

14:58Yeah, it's really here.

15:00Free restaurants provide hot, nutritious meals to Israel's poor and needy, indignified surroundings.

15:06Two out of five children.

15:08Can you believe it?

15:09I always think of Israel as a wealthy country.

15:13It'll be the Orthodox Jews.

15:15We need to find someone to ask about Oscar.

15:17This is exactly the kind of place he might volunteer.

15:20You said that about every soup kitchen and cat's home we visited this morning.

15:24Remember, when he was tiny, he invited that beggar round for tea.

15:27He was so outraged when I told him it wasn't appropriate.

15:31Excuse me.

15:32Hey there.

15:33Are you a volunteer here?

15:34Not exactly.

15:35I'm here to take photos.

15:37No offence, but it looks like TripAdvisor has sent you to the wrong restaurant.

15:42Oh, no, we're not here to eat.

15:43No, I'd guess that.

15:45You know, this isn't a tourist destination.

15:47These people don't need strangers just gawping at them.

15:50Says the man with the camera.

15:51Rosa, please.

15:53There must be 50 voluntary organisations on that list of yours.

15:56Are you going to find somebody to pick a fight with at every one of them?

15:59We're looking for my son.

16:02We think he might be volunteering here.

16:04Do you have a picture?

16:05I could take a look for you.

16:06I'm working on a photo journal about life in Jerusalem.

16:09Get to see a lot of faces.

16:11Some of them stick.

16:12Here.

16:13When was this taken?

16:15A year or so ago.

16:18Yeah.

16:19Yeah, I think I know him.

16:21Do you recognise him?

16:23Did you hear that, Dad?

16:25This is incredible.

16:26Here?

16:27You saw him here?

16:28How was he?

16:28Was he all right?

16:29Not here.

16:30No, it was in Mir Shurim, I think.

16:32Mir Shurim?

16:33It's an Orthodox community in the West.

16:34I was there for Rosh Hashanah.

16:36You'd have more luck finding him if you used a picture with a beard.

16:40A beard?

16:40Your son, he's Haradine, yes?

16:43Oscar?

16:43No.

16:44We're Reform Jews.

16:46Well, not even that, really.

16:47Our rabbi is a woman.

16:49Not just that.

16:50She's a woman and her special friend is a woman also.

16:54We're very liberal.

16:55Right.

16:56Well, it was definitely him.

16:57I remember now.

16:58People in Mir Shurim can be, I don't know, defensive.

17:02I had a run-in with an old boy who didn't want his picture taken.

17:05Your son stepped in.

17:06Nice lad.

17:07A real diplomat, actually.

17:08Do you still have it?

17:09The picture you took?

17:10Uh, should be on here somewhere.

17:13Wait.

17:14Uh, here.

17:17Oh, Oscar.

17:19Let me see that.

17:21My beautiful Oscar.

17:24What have you done?

17:26Mir Shurim, one of the oldest neighbourhoods outside the old city walls, an orthodox enclave

17:39founded in the 19th century.

17:42Life here revolves around strict adherence to Jewish law.

17:46Many of the residents oppose the Zionist state.

17:49They believe the Jews were exiled from the Holy Land by divine decree and that going back

17:54by force is a rebellion against God.

17:57They're exempt from army service and most adult men devote full-time study to the Torah

18:02and their wives' work.

18:05Walking around, I feel as though I've been transported to a different planet.

18:10The crumbling walls are plastered with Hebrew notices informing residents about weddings, births,

18:16deaths.

18:17We see women in long skirts, herding toddlers across the road.

18:21Men in fur-rimmed hats, little boys laughing with their tusnit strings blowing in the wind.

18:27He'll have come here as a tourist.

18:29Then why the beard?

18:30Why the robes?

18:32If I'd seen him in the street, I'd barely have recognised him.

18:35My own son.

18:36I mean, really, can you imagine Oscar living a life like this?

18:39No newspapers, no internet, signs on the entrances telling women what to wear.

18:44Why would a bright boy choose to shut himself away here?

18:47What if he hasn't chosen?

18:50You hear about it all the time.

18:52Young men being brainwashed, radicalised.

18:54That doesn't happen to Jews.

18:56Why not Jews?

18:58We should start by asking in the shops.

19:01Yes.

19:03Kiosks selling posters of famous rabbis.

19:06Clothes shops and bakeries.

19:08Countless synagogues.

19:10Bookshops with piles and piles of Hebrew books.

19:13No Oscar.

19:16It's getting dark.

19:17We should be going.

19:18Excuse me.

19:20Excuse me.

19:21I've had enough of being stared at and ignored for one day.

19:23Someone must have seen him.

19:25No, no, come on.

19:25We'll try again tomorrow.

19:26Well, why won't anyone help us?

19:28An educated, intelligent woman and they look through you like you're nothing.

19:31Excuse me.

19:32That's it.

19:33I've had enough.

19:34Hey!

19:35Dad!

19:35What are you doing?

19:37Hey!

19:38My daughter wants to talk to you.

19:40I said we want to talk to you.

19:44Dad, stop!

19:45I'm talking to you.

19:47You can't just walk away.

19:49Hey, avec.

19:50You don't belong here.

19:51Go.

19:52Dad, just let them pass.

19:53Look, she's looking for her son.

19:54Now, where does it say in the Torah you have the right to ignore us?

19:57Just move, Dad.

20:00Please, don't push him.

20:01Dad, Dad, are you okay?

20:04Oh, God.

20:07Oh.

20:10Hooligans.

20:18Pushing me like that.

20:20You should have moved.

20:21You could have been really hurt.

20:22I wanted to get their attention, that's all.

20:24The signs on the entrances ask visitors to behave modestly.

20:28And what gives them the right to put up signs at all?

20:31Excuse me.

20:32We don't want any trouble.

20:33I just need to get my dad cleaned up and then we're moving on.

20:36His head's cut.

20:37There was an incident.

20:39I saw what happened.

20:41I have soaked this in cold water.

20:43If you hold it against the wound, it might help.

20:45Oh, thank you.

20:46That's incredibly kind.

20:48Take it then, Dad.

20:49Please, you take it.

20:51Of course.

20:52Sorry.

20:53That's silly.

20:54One touch of my wrinkled, bleeding brow, and she might spontaneously combust with immodest lust.

20:59I'm sorry.

20:59My dad doesn't mean to be so rude.

21:01It must be the head wound.

21:02This is a close, quiet community.

21:06But people who live here want to be left to live their lives peacefully, in their own way.

21:10Oh, yes.

21:11They're peaceful when it suits them.

21:13Letting every other Israeli fight in the army while they hide in their yeshivas.

21:17Dad, please don't worry.

21:18I've heard it before, and worse.

21:23People think Haredi women have no ears.

21:26What do you mean?

21:28I was on a plane from America.

21:30There were a group of men at prayer by the door.

21:34The air steward smirked at one of the passengers.

21:37I'll open if you push, he said.

21:40They look at us and say they can see how the Holocaust happened.

21:43Words to that effect.

21:45That's horrible.

21:46That's life, even here, even in Israel, even in Meir Shurim.

21:52And so, sometimes, the people who live here can become defensive.

21:57Defensive?

21:59Pushing an old man.

22:00An old man who provoked them.

22:02I'm sorry.

22:03We shouldn't have been shouting.

22:05It's been a very emotional day.

22:07It's my son, you see.

22:10He's missing.

22:11He's been seen in Meir Shurim.

22:13We're here to look for him.

22:14There's an English boy at my brother's yeshiva.

22:17One of our neighbours has a cousin in London.

22:20This boy is a friend of his.

22:21Oscar?

22:22Is his name Oscar?

22:23An English boy hoping to study the Torah.

22:25Oscar.

22:26Yes, that's it.

22:27I have a photo here.

22:30Is this him?

22:32Do you know if he's all right?

22:33My brother hasn't properly introduced us.

22:35Can you take us to him?

22:36No, I can't do that.

22:38Oh, please.

22:39Please, I just want to...

22:39I could ask for my brother to speak to him for you.

22:42Oh, that would be wonderful.

22:43I could come with you.

22:44Is there a number I can contact you on?

22:47Of course.

22:49Here.

22:50Here's my card.

22:51From the hotel window, I can see it all.

22:57The dome of the rock, the golden gate, Temple Mount.

23:01He's here.

23:03Amongst the rooftops and the cypress trees,

23:06the checkpoints and the church spires,

23:08somewhere there is Oscar.

23:09Do you think she's lost my number?

23:20It's been three days.

23:22For all we know, she's never really heard of Oscar.

23:25Why would she make something like that?

23:27Oh, for some shred of excitement, maybe.

23:29Who knows of these people?

23:30Will you just stop?

23:32Stop what?

23:33The digs and the jibes.

23:36Just because they don't do things exactly as you do.

23:38For all we know, that is who Oscar is now.

23:41Oh, and you're OK with that?

23:42I didn't say that I was OK with it.

23:44Oh, because they look alien,

23:45because they have strange customs.

23:47An orthodox Jew is other and exotic enough for you.

23:50An ordinary bit of faith

23:51is nothing glamorous or fashionable about that.

23:53So you throw him out.

23:54I never threw him out.

23:55He left.

23:56But this, this is something you can brag about

23:58to your intellectual friends.

23:59An anthropological study.

24:01Why are you attacking me?

24:03My grandson is missing.

24:04You think I don't know that?

24:06No, no.

24:06You know only that your son is missing.

24:09You don't think about anybody else

24:10who might love him, too.

24:11That isn't true.

24:12When Oscar and I started going to shul together,

24:14you were jealous.

24:15No, I wasn't.

24:15I warned you.

24:16I warned you that you would push him away

24:18with your sarcasm and sneering,

24:20but you didn't listen.

24:22You couldn't stand for him and I

24:23to have something, anything,

24:25a spark of faith that was just his and mine.

24:28That isn't fair.

24:29Isn't it?

24:29You brought him up to believe

24:31the only right way was to be just like you,

24:33dragging him to your dinner parties

24:35when he was still just a child.

24:36You let him worship only intellect,

24:39only cynicism.

24:40Then what about spirit, huh?

24:42What about doubt?

24:43You left a gap.

24:45And in that gap,

24:46something dark has taken root.

24:48You said it yourself.

24:49Brainwashing.

24:51Radicalization.

24:52I was upset when I said that.

24:53Well, what else would you call it?

24:55I don't know.

24:56I don't know either, Rosa.

24:58I only know Oscar is gone.

25:01Oscar is gone and it's your fault.

25:08I wasn't expecting to hear from you.

25:10I didn't know who else to call.

25:13It's my dad.

25:14He's gone missing.

25:16I thought it was your son who was missing.

25:18Him as well.

25:20I'm worried he's gone back to Mia Sharim.

25:22My dad, I mean.

25:23Last time we were there,

25:26there was an incident.

25:28I don't think anyone would listen to me

25:29if I went back alone.

25:31A woman on my own.

25:32So you want me to be a chaperone?

25:35Like I said,

25:36I wasn't sure who else to call.

25:40Time travelling, eh?

25:42I love this hotel.

25:44Dad booked it.

25:46Classy, man.

25:47We had an argument.

25:49He thinks I drove Oscar away.

25:51I'm sure he didn't mean that.

25:52My dad never shouts at me.

25:54Even when I was a little girl,

25:55it was always Mum who did the shouting.

25:57Did you search the hotel

25:58before you considered tearing off

26:00into Mia Sharim?

26:01Yes, of course.

26:03Take a look through there,

26:05in the lounge bar.

26:07I don't believe it.

26:17Dad!

26:17Ah, yeah, here she is.

26:20My daughter, the intellectual.

26:22Fluent in four different languages.

26:24We can't speak a word of Hebrew.

26:27I've been going out of my mind with worry.

26:30How much have you had?

26:31I'm not a child.

26:31I can drink what I like.

26:34So,

26:35this is the latest conquest.

26:37Are you going to try to mould him

26:39into your own image?

26:40I don't need this.

26:41If you want to drink yourself

26:42into oblivion,

26:43you do that.

26:44I'll be in the room.

26:47Go on.

26:48Go after.

26:49Yeah, of course.

26:51Sorry.

26:53Bye.

26:54Rosa?

26:57Rosa?

26:58Drunken old goat.

27:00I'm sorry about that.

27:01It's fine.

27:03If only Oscar was so easy to find.

27:05He'll turn off.

27:06Will he?

27:07I don't know.

27:08I hope so.

27:09It doesn't seem right, does it?

27:11My 75-year-old father

27:13drunkenly flirting

27:14with buxom waitresses.

27:15Young at heart,

27:16I think they call it.

27:18That should be Oscar.

27:19And instead he's...

27:21God only knows.

27:23Let me take you for a drink.

27:25That other woman in Mearsha

27:26where we were staying,

27:28I gave her my mobile phone number,

27:29but who knows?

27:31I don't even know

27:32what their rules are with technology.

27:33Orthodox Jews

27:34are allowed to pick up the phone.

27:36Come on.

27:37A breath of fresh air

27:38will do you good.

27:39Oh, I don't know.

27:40One drink.

27:42One drink.

27:49I've been trying to look at this place.

27:52Jerusalem.

27:53And see it as Oscar might.

27:55Maybe that's part of the problem.

27:56Trying to get inside his head.

27:59They tell you it's the best

28:00and worst thing you'll ever do,

28:01having kids.

28:03And is it?

28:04I always thought it was sentimental.

28:06Hyperbole.

28:08He was an easy baby, Oscar.

28:10Easy enough.

28:12And as a child,

28:13he was always so fair,

28:15I suppose.

28:17I'd forget who the adult was sometimes.

28:20Even when he was a teenager,

28:22we just...

28:23I don't know.

28:24Got on.

28:27Oh, I must have seemed so smug.

28:29So you're a good mum.

28:31Nothing to be ashamed of.

28:33Someone has to have it all.

28:34I didn't have it all.

28:35Successful career.

28:37Much love, son.

28:37I got divorced.

28:39Well, you were obviously married

28:40to an idiot then.

28:42It wasn't Alistair's fault.

28:45You think that having a child

28:46will complete you,

28:47but it doesn't.

28:49It eats you alive.

28:51It did me, at least.

28:53It's hard to describe.

28:54You're still there,

28:56but smaller.

28:58Inside something else.

29:00Sounds terrifying.

29:03I'm not complaining.

29:04Not at all.

29:04I liked it.

29:06Seeing the world

29:07from inside this bubble of Oscar.

29:10And other than that,

29:10it was just the two of you?

29:11Just you and Oscar?

29:13I don't want you to picture

29:14some hideous mother-son duo

29:16staying in and cutting

29:17each other's toenails.

29:19I still did things.

29:21Work.

29:22Travel.

29:23We weren't joined at the hip.

29:24Far from it.

29:25But somehow everything I did

29:27became about him.

29:29I think to myself,

29:30well, yes,

29:31I will do that

29:32so Oscar knows

29:33that he can achieve it himself

29:34one day.

29:36That's how it works, isn't it?

29:39You bring them up

29:40so that they can grow away.

29:42That's what I wanted.

29:43But this...

29:46I didn't expect this.

29:49For him to cut me out

29:50of his life completely.

29:52That's what they mean

29:53when they talk about

29:54the worst thing.

29:56There's no other pain

29:57that could hurt me like this.

29:59Knowing he's out there somewhere

30:00and I can't protect him.

30:03It's like my arm is missing.

30:07Sorry.

30:08I don't know why

30:09I'm telling you of this.

30:09It's fine.

30:10I'm not usually

30:13so emotionally incontinent.

30:15Quite the opposite.

30:18After my mum died,

30:19Oscar tried to talk to me

30:20about her

30:20and I just couldn't.

30:22I couldn't stand

30:24for him to see my pain.

30:26I wanted to put it all away,

30:28all that grief.

30:30Just lock it in a box

30:31and hide it tidily

30:33at the back of some drawer.

30:34And at the funeral,

30:37when it was time

30:38to say Kaddish,

30:38I froze.

30:40I couldn't remember

30:41a single Hebrew word.

30:44Oscar tried to hug me

30:45and I brushed him off.

30:48Made some stupid,

30:49sneering joke.

30:52Why didn't I...

30:53just let him hug me?

30:54There's no right way

30:56to grieve.

30:57I never let him tell me

30:58how he felt.

31:00Do you think that's why...

31:01Does it matter why?

31:05Oh, God, yes,

31:06of course it matters.

31:09I thought I knew him so well.

31:10It turns out

31:11I don't know him at all.

31:15Do you mind

31:16if we go back now?

31:19That's what you want.

31:21Look, um...

31:24I know this is

31:25probably the wrong time

31:26to say this,

31:28but I don't think

31:29there'll ever be

31:29a right time.

31:31So, uh, I was, uh,

31:34I was, I was wondering,

31:35do you think you,

31:36maybe when things are

31:37back to normal

31:39and you've got Oscar

31:41and we're both

31:42back in England,

31:44maybe I, I could, uh,

31:46could take you out sometime?

31:49I smile and nod politely,

31:51but really,

31:52there's nothing further

31:53from my mind.

31:54He has no idea

31:56what I'm going through.

31:57Not really.

31:58How could he?

32:00All I can think about

32:01is getting my baby back.

32:03We part in the street.

32:05He promises he'll call.

32:07We'll probably never

32:08see each other again.

32:10But he doesn't need

32:11to know that, does he?

32:13Oh, Rosa.

32:14Thank God.

32:15What's happened?

32:16What's wrong?

32:17They've heightened

32:18security everywhere.

32:19Haven't you seen the news?

32:20I thought there were

32:20more soldiers on the streets

32:21than usual.

32:22What is it?

32:23What's happened?

32:23There's been a stabbing,

32:24a synagogue in the West.

32:26They don't know yet

32:27how many people were hurt.

32:28I went to bed,

32:29I woke up,

32:30my head was banging,

32:31and I didn't know

32:32where you were.

32:33The news came on the TV

32:34and I realised

32:34I had no idea

32:35where you were.

32:36I tried to ring

32:37and there was no damn signal.

32:39This stabbing?

32:39I don't know.

32:40The area's been sealed off.

32:42There have been shots fired,

32:43Israeli police.

32:44OK, let me think.

32:45The things I said,

32:47I didn't mean them.

32:50I'm sorry.

32:51I've been going out

32:52of my mind with worry.

32:54I didn't know

32:54where you were.

32:55It's OK, Dad.

32:56I'm here.

32:57I'm OK.

32:58We need to contact

32:59the embassy.

33:00If British citizens

33:01have been harmed,

33:02then surely they'd know

33:03before the meeting.

33:03It wasn't Mayor Sherim.

33:05Please God,

33:06he worships in Mayor Sherim.

33:08We don't know that.

33:09We don't know anything.

33:12Rosa.

33:14Look.

33:15What?

33:17Hello, Mum.

33:19Grandpa.

33:21Oscar.

33:23Oh, my God.

33:25Oscar.

33:26It's OK, Mum.

33:28I'm OK.

33:31I wanted to lie down

33:33at his feet and wail.

33:35I wanted to hug him

33:36and kiss him

33:37and never let him go.

33:40I didn't.

33:41He looked so tired.

33:43Great black shadows

33:45under his eyes.

33:46I wanted to reach

33:47and brush the hair

33:48away from his face,

33:49but I didn't dare.

33:51My own son.

33:53And I didn't dare touch him.

33:57We went up to the room

33:58in silence.

34:02You look like somebody

34:03dressed up for Halloween.

34:05Dad, please.

34:06We've been so worried.

34:08You weren't caught up in...

34:10I'm fine.

34:11Honestly, I'm fine.

34:12I got the message.

34:13Your mother

34:14has been going

34:14out of her mind.

34:16I was waiting for guidance.

34:17Oh, is that what you call it?

34:18I haven't come

34:19looking for a fight.

34:20I wanted you to see

34:21for yourselves

34:22that I'm safe.

34:23I'm OK.

34:24I'm happy.

34:25Happy?

34:26There?

34:27Yes.

34:27You know,

34:29your great-grandparents,

34:30when they left Poland

34:31all those years ago,

34:32they left a life

34:33just like that.

34:34They left a life

34:35of claustrophobia

34:36and depression

34:37and crippling poverty.

34:39They crossed an ocean.

34:41They sacrificed

34:42and they struggled

34:42so that their children

34:43and their children's children

34:45could have better.

34:46So that you

34:47could have better

34:48and you choose

34:49to go back

34:49after everything

34:50your family

34:51have given you.

34:52The education

34:53has been wasted on you.

34:54You choose

34:55to throw it all away

34:56so you can sit

34:57in a hobble

34:58with your Torah.

34:59Grandpa,

35:00I'm happy to talk

35:01about Bobby

35:01leaving Poland,

35:02but if you're going

35:03to talk about her,

35:04do it properly.

35:05I don't know

35:05what you mean.

35:06Tell me the story

35:07how you used to tell it

35:07when I was little.

35:08Don't you dare,

35:09don't you dare use that

35:11to justify

35:11what you're doing.

35:12Bobby went to the rabbi.

35:14She asked the rabbi

35:15if she should marry

35:16this man

35:16who wanted to take her

35:17across the ocean.

35:19The rabbi prayed

35:20and he was answered.

35:21God answered

35:22that she should go.

35:23It's a fairy story,

35:24a family legend.

35:25What happened

35:26to her family

35:26who stayed?

35:27What would have happened

35:28to your mum

35:29if God hadn't answered

35:30and she had stayed

35:31in Poland?

35:31You know what happened.

35:33There.

35:34That's the difference.

35:36Bobby and Zadie

35:36were pushed

35:37from the old country.

35:38Like Jews in diaspora

35:39have always been pushed

35:40from their homes.

35:42No one has pushed me here.

35:44I was being pulled.

35:46Pulled?

35:47I thought you understood.

35:49We went to shore together.

35:51You helped me find God.

35:53I understand the need

35:55for spirituality,

35:56for something outside ourselves,

35:58but this?

35:59What?

36:00You really believe

36:01that God wrote

36:02word for word

36:03the Torah?

36:04You believe

36:04the Lord himself

36:05has the time

36:06and inclination

36:07to dictate exactly

36:08how you should

36:09file your sideburns?

36:10All I know

36:11is that following

36:12the halacha

36:13brings me closer to God.

36:15Things that used to feel

36:16empty every day,

36:18now they feel holy.

36:20You're wasting

36:21the life God gave you.

36:23I'm honouring him.

36:24In everything I do now,

36:26I honour him.

36:27Okay.

36:27Oh, okay.

36:28So, maybe we save

36:30the theological arguments

36:31for another day.

36:32Hmm?

36:33Now we can talk about that

36:34when we get home.

36:35Yes?

36:37Rosa?

36:38I am home.

36:40In a neighbourhood

36:41so afraid of strangers,

36:42they're prepared

36:43to push an old man

36:44to the ground.

36:45Or did you not hear

36:46what happened?

36:47I heard.

36:49And I'm not defending it.

36:51People in Meir Sharim

36:52can be

36:53protective.

36:55Insular,

36:55hostile,

36:56aggressively isolationist.

36:58You see hostility.

36:59I see

37:00a community

37:01protecting itself.

37:02A way of life

37:03worth keeping sacred.

37:05I finally feel

37:06like I belong

37:06to something.

37:07Rosa,

37:08will you talk

37:09some sense into him?

37:10That's what we're here for,

37:11isn't it?

37:12Please don't talk to me

37:13as though I'm

37:13a wayward child.

37:14Then don't behave like one.

37:16Your mother did some

37:17attention-seeking

37:18in her time.

37:19I thought it had

37:19skipped a generation,

37:20but this is really

37:22quite something.

37:23I'm not doing this

37:24for attention.

37:25Enough games, Oscar.

37:27We are not going home

37:29without you.

37:31Now, you want to be

37:32an orthodox Jew?

37:33Fine.

37:33Do it in Stamford Hill.

37:34Move to Stoke Newington.

37:36We'll come to visit you.

37:37I'll bring bagels.

37:39We'll quarrel

37:39and we'll ruminate

37:40and shout

37:41and squabble over each other.

37:42It'll be like it's always been,

37:44but with bigger hats.

37:45Of course, your mother

37:46would have preferred

37:47to have a gay son,

37:48but she loves you.

37:49She'll get used to it,

37:50won't you, Rosa?

37:53Rosa.

37:55I need to pack.

37:58Can you leave us, Dad?

38:00What?

38:00Please.

38:02Just leave us.

38:03You know I'm not coming with you.

38:20You can't just drag me

38:21on a plane with you anymore.

38:24You know that, don't you?

38:26Is that how you see it?

38:27Your childhood?

38:28That's not what I meant.

38:29I thought you would thrive on it.

38:32Living abroad.

38:33Coming with me

38:34wherever I worked.

38:36I thought I was creating

38:37a citizen of the world.

38:39I didn't mean for you

38:40to feel so...

38:42rootless.

38:43That wasn't what I meant.

38:45About finding a home.

38:47I would feel like that

38:48wherever.

38:50However I'd grown up.

38:51Would you?

38:52I'm not doing this to hurt you.

38:55I know you're not.

38:56My faith.

38:58It's not...

38:59It's not about finding roots

39:02where there were none.

39:03It's not about filling a gap.

39:05I'm not looking for something

39:07to complete me.

39:08It's more...

39:09more all-consuming than that.

39:12The person that I was

39:14before I found God,

39:15he's still in there.

39:18But...

39:18It's like he's inside

39:20something else.

39:23Something...

39:23bigger.

39:24I can't explain.

39:25You don't need to.

39:26I know.

39:26I know that feeling.

39:29It doesn't need to be

39:30about religion.

39:31For me,

39:32it does.

39:33I wanted so much for you.

39:37I wanted to lay the world

39:38at your feet

39:39for you to have choices

39:40I could only imagine.

39:42You did that.

39:43You did all that for me.

39:44And this is what you've chosen.

39:46Mum, don't be sad.

39:48I know you're disappointed.

39:51I'm not disappointed.

39:53I'm frightened.

39:56Here,

39:56I feel like I'm part of something.

39:59For hundreds and thousands of years,

40:01people have eaten

40:02how I now eat.

40:03Walked how I now walk.

40:05If you were lonely...

40:06It's not about lonely.

40:07All that stuff with me

40:08and your dad,

40:09no wonder you felt adrift.

40:12I should have worked harder

40:13to give you roots.

40:15Let you ask more questions

40:16about Judaism.

40:17I don't know.

40:18And then...

40:20when Grandma died,

40:23I should have helped you grieve.

40:26Mum, please stop.

40:29Stop blaming yourself.

40:30No, you're a young man.

40:31It's natural to feel lost.

40:33It doesn't mean that you need

40:34to go rushing into...

40:35Please, just let me speak.

40:37I'm sorry.

40:39There was so much wasting time

40:41and messing around in my whole life.

40:42So much stuff.

40:45It was wrong of me to disappear

40:46like I did.

40:47I know that.

40:48And I am sorry.

40:51But I needed space.

40:53I felt stifled.

40:54It was like...

40:55like my soul had no room to breathe.

40:58like I'd shut down that part of me.

41:00But now,

41:01every day,

41:02I can feel my soul expanding.

41:05I feel like I've got a purpose,

41:07immersing myself in spirituality.

41:09I don't expect you to understand.

41:12No.

41:13But I'd like...

41:14I'd like you to be happy for me.

41:17Would it be okay

41:24for me

41:26to just hug you

41:28just for a minute?

41:33Of course, Mum.

41:35I'd like that.

41:37Very much.

41:38He's gone.

42:09Oh.

42:12Rosa.

42:14Don't be angry.

42:16I'm not.

42:17Not at you.

42:20I wish...

42:22I wish Mum was here.

42:27Oh, Rosa.

42:30Oh, my little girl.

42:32Oh.

42:35Shh.

42:38Oh.

42:38Rosa was Gillian Bevan, David was David Fleischman, Conrad was Conrad Nelson, Oscar, Ashley

43:08Margolis, and the woman in Mia Shireem, Harriet Judd.

43:16Alia was written by Becky Prestwich and directed by Pauline Harris.

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