- today
Englishs Good Girls Gone Wild New Drama
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Thank you for listening.
00:00:30Oh, Dad.
00:00:35Hello?
00:00:36Cheryl, we have to talk about our birthday plans.
00:00:39I mean, it's only two days away, and we still haven't decided the perfect way to celebrate.
00:00:43So I was thinking maybe we could all take a trip to...
00:00:47I meant to tell you before, but I wanted to be sure.
00:00:52I think I'm going to spend my birthday with Jake.
00:00:55I'm going to lose my virginity to him.
00:00:57You know, I want to surprise him.
00:00:59What?
00:01:00But you can't.
00:01:01I mean, I thought we were going to wait until marriage.
00:01:04Besides, you can't do that to us.
00:01:06You can't break tradition that way.
00:01:09This is bad.
00:01:10You know, I'm going to tell Lexi.
00:01:12She's going to be very unhappy about this.
00:01:21Come on, Lexi.
00:01:22So girls, what are we going to do for our birthday?
00:01:37Sue, we have plenty of time to figure something out.
00:01:42But this is the big 1-8.
00:01:45I mean, every year since our mom's met in the hospital, we've done something new and special.
00:01:49But this has to be newer and more special.
00:01:52So what's something we've never done before?
00:01:55Mushrooms?
00:01:56No, not like that.
00:01:57Like something nice.
00:01:59Like maybe a trip.
00:02:01Like a mushroom trip?
00:02:02No.
00:02:03Sorry, Sue.
00:02:06I have a date.
00:02:07Oh, so do I.
00:02:10Sorry, Sue.
00:02:11Don't worry, Sue.
00:02:12We'll figure it out.
00:02:13Oh, flowers, are these from you?
00:02:26Yeah, sure.
00:02:28Here you go.
00:02:30No card, but I thought I saw one.
00:02:33I didn't know how to put my feelings into words.
00:02:36I guess, um, you still make me nervous.
00:02:41Oh, Jake.
00:02:43Maybe I should come in and hang out for a minute.
00:02:49Uh, no, Jake, not yet.
00:02:50When we do it, I want it to be really special.
00:02:53The best night of my life.
00:02:54It will be, I promise.
00:02:57It'll always be amazing.
00:02:58With you and me.
00:03:00Together.
00:03:08Jake, no.
00:03:09I have to go.
00:03:10I have to work on my art project.
00:03:11You know, I thought art was going to be a really easy elective, but I guess I should have
00:03:16taken more math.
00:03:17Uh, so you're going to come to my birthday, okay?
00:03:21This Saturday?
00:03:22Of course.
00:03:27Thanks.
00:03:29Okay.
00:03:30Bye.
00:03:30Nothing wrong with me.
00:03:40Nothing wrong with me.
00:03:40Nothing.
00:03:41Oh, baby.
00:03:42You're so hot.
00:03:43I'm going to do you so good.
00:03:45Oh, yeah, baby.
00:03:46Yeah.
00:03:46What was your name again?
00:03:47Rod.
00:03:48Sex God.
00:03:49Okay.
00:03:50Lexi is so upset, she's speechless.
00:03:58You're right, I bet.
00:04:05Cheryl's losing her virginity on Saturday?
00:04:09Oh, no.
00:04:10Does not compute.
00:04:12Want to talk in person ASAP.
00:04:14Oh, huh.
00:04:18Hi.
00:04:21When did you get home?
00:04:22So, is it true?
00:04:23Yes, it is.
00:04:25It's just, it's the right time, and Jake's the right man.
00:04:29I mean, he's handsome and smart and wealthy, and he has a really bright future ahead of him.
00:04:36So, I just think it's the right time.
00:04:38Lexi, tell her, losing our virginity is one of those milestones we should all face together.
00:04:44On our birthday, yes, but not on this birthday.
00:04:46Like, maybe on our 23rd birthday, or maybe even, like, our 29th, 8th, maybe.
00:04:54Listen, guys, I know it's tradition, but I'm sorry.
00:05:01I know it's tradition, but I'm sorry.
00:05:08But Cheryl, Sue is right.
00:05:12We do always do something special on our birthday.
00:05:16Does Jake really have such a tiny little needle dick?
00:05:19It's not Jake.
00:05:21It's the male ideal.
00:05:23Like, a Greek god, or Sue's dad.
00:05:27Right.
00:05:29Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:05:31I mean, it kind of sucks.
00:05:32I'm not really an artist.
00:05:33Girls, can you just stop changing the subject?
00:05:35The point is, we should all lose our virginities together on the same day.
00:05:39And I'm just not ready yet.
00:05:41I'm waiting for a sign.
00:05:43And then I'll know it's right.
00:05:44Look, I can go either way.
00:05:47I mean, I'm fine with just 69, 79, anal.
00:05:51I don't feel any rush to actually do the deed.
00:05:54Besides, I know it'll never live up to my rabbit anyway.
00:05:58But if you want to do it this year, then maybe we all should.
00:06:02You know, it could be like our big 18th birthday thing.
00:06:09Where are you going at 6.30 in the morning?
00:06:12To church, to pray for you.
00:06:14I want to be first in line.
00:06:17I'm getting this.
00:06:18Yeah, me too.
00:06:19Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
00:06:30It has been four days since my last confession.
00:06:32I accuse myself of the following sins.
00:06:34Mm-hmm.
00:06:37Okay, so I'm really embarrassed to talk about this, but...
00:06:40It's about sex.
00:06:42Mm-hmm.
00:06:45I mean, not me.
00:06:46I've never gone past second base with a guy.
00:06:48Aw.
00:06:50I've never even seen a guy's...
00:06:52Well, there was that one time I took the pants off my Ken doll.
00:06:55But I was dressing him up as Jesus, and I wanted to see his thing.
00:06:59But there was nothing there.
00:07:03Okay, so it's about my friends.
00:07:05My best friends.
00:07:07They're going to do something really bad this weekend.
00:07:09Okay.
00:07:11Third base.
00:07:12What?
00:07:13No.
00:07:14Like, sex.
00:07:15Like, intercourse.
00:07:17With boys, they barely even know.
00:07:19I mean, they really need us intervention, if you know what I mean.
00:07:22All the way.
00:07:23Go all the way.
00:07:25Woody.
00:07:25Woody.
00:07:26What?
00:07:28Ah!
00:07:30How could you do so?
00:07:32You're a bad, bad person.
00:07:36What?
00:07:37Yes.
00:07:43Yes.
00:07:45Run.
00:07:45Run.
00:07:46Home route.
00:07:48Ah.
00:07:49Damn it.
00:07:51Oh, fucking Yankees.
00:07:54Sorry.
00:07:55Sorry.
00:07:55Sorry.
00:08:07Sue, it is 1 p.m.
00:08:20Would you have a little consideration?
00:08:21I'm trying to sleep.
00:08:24Jeez, can you guys please keep it down?
00:08:27I have an announcement to make.
00:08:29I want to do it.
00:08:31Do you hear me?
00:08:32I want to do it.
00:08:34This weekend.
00:08:35On our birthday.
00:08:37Do what?
00:08:39It.
00:08:40Screw.
00:08:41You know, screwing, boning, making beasts with two backs.
00:08:44You know, shagging.
00:08:46Fucking.
00:08:48You do.
00:08:50But what about all your religious stuff?
00:08:53And what about your sign from heaven?
00:08:55Oh, I got a sign.
00:08:56At church.
00:08:57Really?
00:08:59Well, okay, great.
00:09:02We're all in then.
00:09:03So we'll have a big pool party, and we'll do it there.
00:09:07Right?
00:09:08Right.
00:09:11I'll start making the shopping list.
00:09:20Hey, Frank.
00:09:22Hi, Sue.
00:09:24Guys, we didn't invite Frank to the party.
00:09:27I don't know.
00:09:27Do you think he'd even have fun?
00:09:29Yeah.
00:09:29He's blind.
00:09:30Blind people can do everything regular people can do.
00:09:37Wait, wait, bye.
00:09:39Hey.
00:09:40Um, I was wondering.
00:09:41We're throwing this party tomorrow night.
00:09:44It's for our birthday.
00:09:45Do you want to come?
00:09:46Do you think he can see at my shore?
00:09:47Sure.
00:09:47Sure.
00:09:48Sure.
00:09:48Sure.
00:09:48Sure.
00:09:49Sure.
00:09:49Sure.
00:09:50Sure.
00:09:50Sure.
00:09:51Sure.
00:09:51Sure.
00:09:52Sure.
00:09:52Sure.
00:09:53Sure.
00:09:53Sure.
00:09:54Sure.
00:09:54Sure.
00:09:55Sure.
00:09:55Sure.
00:09:56Sure.
00:09:56Sure.
00:09:57Sure.
00:09:57Sure.
00:09:58Sure.
00:09:58Well, the house looks done.
00:10:01Tomorrow's the big day.
00:10:03We finally turn 18 and finally lose our virginity.
00:10:07Well, we better get our beady sleep because the party starts tomorrow at 2.
00:10:11So, OK, we know who Cheryl's going to do it with, Jake, and I'll probably do that guy Rod.
00:10:16But, Sue, who are you going to pick to pop your chair?
00:10:19It's easy.
00:10:20I've known for the past six years.
00:10:21Ever since catechism.
00:10:22What the fuck is catechism?
00:10:23I think it's a baby panda wrapped in peanut butter.
00:10:24Yeah.
00:10:25My soulmate.
00:10:26Chris?
00:10:27Sue, you might want to think about picking a backup.
00:10:29I mean...
00:10:30What?
00:10:31No.
00:10:32Chris is perfect.
00:10:33He played Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar last year at camp.
00:10:36Plus, his name's Chris.
00:10:37It's a sign.
00:10:38Sue, the only sign is that Chris has a major name in the world.
00:10:40I'm going to pick up a backup.
00:10:41I mean...
00:10:42What?
00:10:43No.
00:10:44Chris is perfect.
00:10:45He played Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar last year at camp.
00:10:46Plus, his name's Chris.
00:10:47It's a sign.
00:10:48Sue, the only sign is that Chris has a major case of gay face.
00:11:01What?
00:11:02He does not.
00:11:03Anyway, there's no such thing as gay face.
00:11:05He looks just like Justin Bieber.
00:11:07With a little bit of Zac Efron and just a hint of Ryan Seacrest.
00:11:11Who the fuck's Ryan Seacrest?
00:11:13Look, Chris is my soulmate.
00:11:16Okay, well, sweet dreams.
00:11:18Mm-hmm.
00:11:19See you in the morning.
00:11:27I knew it would happen someday.
00:11:28I just didn't expect it to happen so soon.
00:11:46You're so perfect.
00:12:01You're so perfect.
00:12:02The Spanish can becounty.
00:12:04Ah!
00:12:13The Spanish can becounty.
00:12:14compositions are preguntas,
00:12:17wondering what?
00:12:20Yeah.
00:12:21A 100% shot.
00:12:23AJ is dead.
00:12:24They have the mind for him,
00:12:25but my hand just went well.
00:12:26Y у His brother is a female,
00:12:28why?
00:12:29I knew that's what I look like.
00:12:52Too bad no one could ever compare to you.
00:12:59Tomorrow's Thursday.
00:13:29Oh my gosh, they're coming.
00:13:33Lexi, Cheryl, hurry!
00:13:37Ew, why?
00:13:39It's for Jake to unwrap me.
00:13:41It's going to be really sexy.
00:13:43I'm going to script.
00:13:44You're going to die of asphyxiation.
00:13:46He's going to be really sexy.
00:13:48It's stupid.
00:13:49Just screw him.
00:13:50That's what he wants.
00:13:51That's what all guys want.
00:13:52Who hurt you as a child?
00:13:54Oh, Christ.
00:13:55Can I wrap your mouth, too?
00:13:56Anyway, what guys want is someone who's sexy,
00:14:00not someone they can just have sex with.
00:14:02You're an idiot.
00:14:03A very smooth, plastic-wrapped idiot.
00:14:07Seriously, come on.
00:14:08Hurry up.
00:14:14Oh, what a cool bracelet!
00:14:16I love it!
00:14:17I love it!
00:14:18Um...
00:14:19You should put that down, though,
00:14:20because it's like...
00:14:21It's really...
00:14:22Very fragile.
00:14:23Yeah.
00:14:24Okay.
00:14:25Set it down.
00:14:26Hurry up.
00:14:28Those were your anal beads, right?
00:14:29Yeah.
00:14:30I thought so.
00:14:46I love it.
00:14:47I love it.
00:14:48I love it.
00:14:49I love it.
00:14:50I love it.
00:14:51I love it.
00:14:52Oh, jeez.
00:14:53Whoa!
00:14:54Oh, we're going to have some fun.
00:14:55Oh, Attack of the Wet t-shirts.
00:14:57Nice!
00:14:58Ha, ha, ha, ha!
00:14:59Oh, come on.
00:15:01Ah, come on.
00:15:02Check, check, check, check, check.
00:15:07Happy birthday, Lex.
00:15:09No, Joanna, we said no gifts.
00:15:12That is lip poison to plump your lips,
00:15:15but be careful, it stings.
00:15:16And the other one is edible massage oil.
00:15:19Oh, how did you know?
00:15:21I'm going to use both of these tonight.
00:15:23Please, come on.
00:15:28Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:15:29Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:15:31Please don't touch my service time.
00:15:33All right.
00:15:34Sorry.
00:15:35Are you okay now?
00:15:36Yeah, I'm fine.
00:15:38Okay.
00:15:39See you later.
00:15:40I can't believe you haven't heard of it.
00:15:42This is crazy.
00:15:43Oh, my God.
00:15:44Jake.
00:15:45Hi.
00:15:46Hey, Ben.
00:15:47Happy birthday.
00:15:50Oh, you didn't have to give me anything.
00:15:53What?
00:15:54You want a beer?
00:15:58No.
00:16:01Oh, hon.
00:16:03Yeah.
00:16:04I have your present here.
00:16:05I'll give it to you later.
00:16:06The time's right.
00:16:07Oh.
00:16:08You didn't have to give me anything.
00:16:11And I have a present for you that I want you to unwrap later.
00:16:17Hey, Ralph.
00:16:18We need you to settle this bed over here real quick.
00:16:19A little bit.
00:16:20All right.
00:16:21This is my man right here.
00:16:22Hey.
00:16:23Hey.
00:16:24How you doing?
00:16:25Hey.
00:16:26Hey.
00:16:27Hey.
00:16:28Hey.
00:16:29Hey.
00:16:30Hey.
00:16:31How you doing?
00:16:32Hey.
00:16:33Check it out.
00:16:35Dare me?
00:16:36Oh, dude.
00:16:37Look at those.
00:16:38Are those real?
00:16:39I don't.
00:16:40Have you guys seen Cheryl?
00:16:41Hey.
00:16:42I do.
00:16:43Move.
00:16:44Come on.
00:16:45Lame.
00:16:46Oh.
00:16:47All right.
00:16:48Okay.
00:16:49I'll see you guys later.
00:16:51No.
00:16:52No.
00:16:53No.
00:16:54No.
00:16:55No.
00:16:56No.
00:16:57No.
00:16:58No.
00:16:59No.
00:17:00No.
00:17:01No.
00:17:02No.
00:17:03No.
00:17:04No.
00:17:05No.
00:17:06No.
00:17:07No.
00:17:08No.
00:17:09No.
00:17:10Go do some push-ups or something.
00:17:11Aw.
00:17:12The moves.
00:17:13Twenty bucks says, by the end of the day, I will be motorboating those kitties.
00:17:16Yeah.
00:17:17They're fake anyways.
00:17:19Who cares?
00:17:20Okay.
00:17:21Oh.
00:17:22Oh.
00:17:23Oh, dude.
00:17:25Dude.
00:17:26I'm blind, you fucking asshole.
00:17:31Sue, no.
00:17:32It's your birthday.
00:17:33Here, let me.
00:17:34Joanna, no.
00:17:35Just go enjoy the party.
00:17:36It's not.
00:17:38I win.
00:17:39Hey.
00:17:40Do my lips look any plumper?
00:17:41I put this stuff on, but I can't really feel anything yet.
00:17:46Have you guys seen Jake?
00:17:48I haven't seen him anywhere.
00:17:49It just, like, disappeared.
00:17:50Are these real?
00:17:51Of course they are.
00:17:52How come I've never met you before?
00:17:57I don't know.
00:17:58Maybe he's gonna be around.
00:17:59Ryan, have you seen Jake?
00:18:00Um, I think he's around or something.
00:18:01Maybe upstairs.
00:18:02I don't know.
00:18:03Maybe you want to go get my birthday present.
00:18:07That's probably where you went.
00:18:09Go roll.
00:18:10Liquid courage?
00:18:11Yeah.
00:18:12Atta girl.
00:18:13Vodka cranberry?
00:18:14It's really simple.
00:18:15Well, I guess it's now or never.
00:18:16I can go meet around.
00:18:17Sue?
00:18:18Are you okay?
00:18:19Sue?
00:18:20Are you okay?
00:18:21Sue?
00:18:22Relax.
00:18:23They're just guys.
00:18:24Okay.
00:18:25Nothing to be scared of.
00:18:26Seriously.
00:18:27It's gonna be fine.
00:18:28Is Chris here?
00:18:29Yeah.
00:18:30Wow, it's even worse.
00:18:31It's even worse.
00:18:32It's even worse.
00:18:33It's even worse.
00:18:34It's even worse.
00:18:35It's even worse.
00:18:36Yeah.
00:18:37Yeah.
00:18:38Mm-hmm.
00:18:39Atta girl.
00:18:40Vodka cranberry?
00:18:41It's really simple.
00:18:42Well, I guess it's now or never.
00:18:43I can go meet around.
00:18:44Sue?
00:18:45Are you okay?
00:18:46Sue?
00:18:47Relax.
00:18:48They're just guys.
00:18:49Okay.
00:18:50Nothing to be scared of.
00:18:51Seriously.
00:18:52It's gonna be fine.
00:18:53Is Chris here?
00:18:56Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:18:58No.
00:18:59He does not have gay face.
00:19:01I'm gonna prove it to you.
00:19:03I'm gonna do it.
00:19:08Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:19:11No.
00:19:12He does not have gay face.
00:19:14I'm gonna prove it to you.
00:19:16I'm gonna do it.
00:19:17I'm gonna do this.
00:19:18Good luck.
00:19:21Hey, you can do this.
00:19:23Just act like a slut.
00:19:25Just pretend.
00:19:26Here, Lux.
00:19:27Yeah, my favorite chapter is Solomon Gmore.
00:19:40Chris.
00:19:41Hi.
00:19:42Can I talk to you?
00:19:43Uh-huh.
00:19:44In private?
00:19:45No.
00:19:46Oh.
00:19:47Hey, Lexi.
00:19:48Hey, Lexi.
00:19:49Hey, Lexi.
00:19:50What?
00:19:51Chris.
00:19:52You're so sexy.
00:20:07Ever since you played Jesus at camp, I've just...
00:20:11I've known that we were meant to be together.
00:20:14And I really want to...
00:20:17Oh!
00:20:18What are you doing?
00:20:19Is that wrong?
00:20:20Sue!
00:20:21What's gotten into you?
00:20:22Nothing.
00:20:23I'm sorry.
00:20:24I don't know how to do this.
00:20:26Sue.
00:20:27Sue.
00:20:28Sue.
00:20:29I understand these urges.
00:20:34And, you know, I like you too.
00:20:38Really?
00:20:39You do?
00:20:40I do.
00:20:41I really do.
00:20:42I like you too.
00:20:44Really?
00:20:45You do?
00:20:46I do.
00:20:47I really do.
00:20:48It's just...
00:20:50I've devoted a lot of my life to one certain man.
00:20:56Right.
00:20:57Lexi said you were...
00:20:58Jesus.
00:20:59Oh.
00:21:00That man.
00:21:01Of course.
00:21:02What did you think?
00:21:03Oh, nothing.
00:21:05So we can still do this then?
00:21:08Oh, Sue.
00:21:10You know, for me, when I think about that man who died for our sins, when I think about
00:21:19him up there on that cross, so helpless, yet so muscular, with his strong thighs crossed
00:21:30over each other so delicately beneath that ragged loincloth, growing so hot, so sweaty,
00:21:41beneath that hot, hot sun.
00:21:44I just feel such compassion.
00:21:48I think about those things too.
00:21:50So you understand why I can't do this?
00:21:54Not really.
00:21:55I just find it too hard.
00:21:57It is to give in to carnal pleasure when he sacrificed so much for us.
00:22:05So...
00:22:06We're gonna go out there, right?
00:22:07Andy, we're gonna totally throw these on.
00:22:08Hey, Ty.
00:22:09Whoa!
00:22:10Have you seen Jake?
00:22:11Uh, no.
00:22:12No.
00:22:13No.
00:22:14Alright.
00:22:15Okay.
00:22:16Okay.
00:22:17Alright, focus.
00:22:18Focus, focus.
00:22:19Oh, there he is.
00:22:22Oh, he got me the puppy that I wanted.
00:22:53How could he?
00:22:54How could he?
00:22:55Sue?
00:22:56What happened?
00:22:57Did you guys do it?
00:22:58Sue?
00:22:59He doesn't want me.
00:23:00Because he's gay.
00:23:01No, he's not.
00:23:02He just really loves Jesus.
00:23:03Oh, come on, Sue.
00:23:04The only reason we even liked him is because you knew he was never a real possibility for
00:23:08you.
00:23:09Look, the only way we're gonna find out what kind of man you really want is to know what
00:23:14kind of woman you really are deep inside.
00:23:16What?
00:23:17Come with me.
00:23:18Where?
00:23:19To meet your dark side.
00:23:23Out.
00:23:24Everyone out.
00:23:27Sue, it's time for you and your vagina to meet face to face.
00:23:54Yes.
00:24:05I really can't.
00:24:06I really don't think I can do this.
00:24:09I'm not letting you out until you look.
00:24:14I'm not letting you out until you look.
00:24:19Sue?
00:24:21Can you see it?
00:24:23Sue?
00:24:24I'm almost...
00:24:28I'm almost there.
00:24:33Oh!
00:24:34What?
00:24:35What?
00:24:36Sue, what happened?
00:24:38What did you see?
00:24:39A raccoon?
00:24:41What?
00:24:42You overshot it.
00:24:44Aim the mirror further up.
00:24:46I can't.
00:24:47Please don't make me do that again.
00:24:49Okay.
00:24:50Fine.
00:24:51Fine.
00:24:52Fine.
00:24:53I didn't wanna do this, but you leave me no choice.
00:24:55What?
00:24:56You really need an orgasm.
00:24:57Honestly, I don't know how you expected to ever have sex with someone else when you've
00:25:07never even had it with yourself.
00:25:08This really has to be your first step.
00:25:10Lex.
00:25:11I'm waiting.
00:25:12Coming.
00:25:13Sue, my black vibrator is somewhere in the top drawer.
00:25:15Just find it and use it.
00:25:17Wait.
00:25:18What does a black vibrator look like?
00:25:19It's black.
00:25:20It vibrates.
00:25:21Come on, Rod.
00:25:22Let's go to Sue's room.
00:25:23And don't come back until you have at least one orgasm.
00:25:42Hey, cutie!
00:25:43Cutie!
00:25:44Oh!
00:25:45Boozeye!
00:25:46Oh, yeah!
00:25:51Bang!
00:25:52Bang!
00:25:53Bang!
00:25:54Bang!
00:25:55Good boy.
00:25:56Straighten up.
00:25:57Good boy.
00:25:58Good boy.
00:25:59He knows over a hundred commands.
00:26:01I'm sorry, I can't see anything.
00:26:02That is not funny, Cheryl.
00:26:03What a bitch.
00:26:04Fortunately, when you're blind, you get used to things like that.
00:26:07Ah!
00:26:08I'm sorry, I can't see anything.
00:26:10That is not funny, Cheryl.
00:26:11What a bitch.
00:26:12Fortunately, when you're blind, you get used to things like that.
00:26:16Ah!
00:26:18Oh, shit.
00:26:48What's wrong with this thing?
00:26:51Nice shot.
00:26:54Direct hit.
00:27:07Cheryl, what is wrong?
00:27:09Lexi, it's Jake.
00:27:12He was getting a blowjob by some pink-haired girl.
00:27:15For sure?
00:27:16I mean, I know I've been putting off having sex with him, so maybe it's my fault.
00:27:20That's no excuse.
00:27:21He's a dirtbag.
00:27:22How dare he?
00:27:23No, it's awful.
00:27:25I mean, I thought I was going to marry him.
00:27:33It's a text.
00:27:34It's from him.
00:27:35I can't bear myself to read it.
00:27:36Okay.
00:27:37He's looking for you.
00:27:39He wants to give you your birthday gift.
00:27:41Oh, I can't face him.
00:27:43I have to go.
00:27:44I'm going.
00:27:45No, you can't just leave.
00:27:47Well, I can't stay and just pretend like nothing happened.
00:27:49I mean, maybe I should confront him.
00:27:51No.
00:27:52He'll either deny it or admit and promise never to do it again.
00:27:55Either way, it's bullshit.
00:27:56I see only one option.
00:27:59I'm leaving.
00:28:00Revenge sex.
00:28:01Re...
00:28:02I mean, what?
00:28:03What does that even mean?
00:28:04It means you find a guy.
00:28:05You screw his brains out and you let Jake catch you.
00:28:11Revenge sex.
00:28:12Re...
00:28:13I mean, what?
00:28:14What does that even mean?
00:28:15It means you find a guy.
00:28:16You screw his brains out and you let Jake catch you.
00:28:19But he...
00:28:20I mean, he doesn't even care.
00:28:21He doesn't even care about me.
00:28:22I mean, why would...
00:28:23He's just into other girls.
00:28:25Trust me, he'll care.
00:28:27Seriously, this is the worst thing you could do to him.
00:28:30To his ego.
00:28:31To screw someone else when you've never even had sex with him.
00:28:34Especially if it's with someone smarter, better looking, and with a bigger dick.
00:28:40No, I...
00:28:41I couldn't.
00:28:42Plus, I mean, there's...
00:28:43There's no one smarter and better looking.
00:28:46Eric!
00:28:47He's perfect!
00:28:48Eric Hall?
00:28:49Are you kidding?
00:28:50I mean, he wouldn't even be into me.
00:28:52He likes your type.
00:28:53Really?
00:28:54And what type is that?
00:28:55Slutty.
00:28:57Yeah.
00:28:58Trust me, he's amazing.
00:29:00I fooled around with him once.
00:29:01He has this great tongue ring.
00:29:03Oh, no.
00:29:04I could never fool around with somebody you fooled around with.
00:29:06Okay, then.
00:29:07Fine.
00:29:08We will find someone else.
00:29:09Someone that I haven't...
00:29:11fooled around with.
00:29:16Okay, what does it matter?
00:29:17That I fooled around with him?
00:29:18I mean, it's like you're not gonna marry the guy.
00:29:20No, I just couldn't do it.
00:29:22Fine.
00:29:23If you wanna live the rest of your life,
00:29:25knowing that you had one chance to do the right thing,
00:29:27to make your boyfriend feel like a total,
00:29:29worthless piece of garbage,
00:29:30and possibly even scar him with the rest of his existence,
00:29:32and you chose not to do it,
00:29:34go ahead.
00:29:35But honestly,
00:29:36I don't know how you'll be able to live with yourself.
00:29:38I don't know.
00:29:40I don't know.
00:29:43But honestly,
00:29:44I don't know how you'll be able to live with yourself.
00:29:47I don't know.
00:29:49Trust me.
00:29:50It's going to work.
00:29:51Okay.
00:29:56Okay.
00:29:57I will intercept Jake and get him upstairs.
00:30:00Hi, Cheryl.
00:30:01You look okay enough to chat upstairs.
00:30:02Oh, no!
00:30:03Oh, no!
00:30:15Hey.
00:30:17Happy birthday.
00:30:19Thanks.
00:30:20Have you guys seen Jake?
00:30:41Have you guys seen Jake?
00:30:46So...
00:30:49Happy birthday.
00:30:52Do you know that most people think that the happy birthday song was from Britain?
00:30:56But it's actually from us.
00:30:57U.S.
00:30:59America?
00:31:02United States?
00:31:03I know where we live.
00:31:04Right.
00:31:05Of course.
00:31:09I know where we live.
00:31:10Right.
00:31:12Of course.
00:31:17Hey, Jesus, Erica.
00:31:18Are you going to make your move or not?
00:31:19Oh, you want me to move?
00:31:20Yeah, no.
00:31:21I can totally move.
00:31:22I just...
00:31:23No.
00:31:24You're fine.
00:31:35Jake!
00:31:39So, Eric, do you want to do it or not?
00:31:41Oh.
00:31:42I'm sorry.
00:31:43It?
00:31:44What, um...
00:31:45It.
00:31:46Like, monkey boning and, like, pigs in a blanket.
00:31:50Get real nasty.
00:31:52Oh!
00:31:53Oh!
00:31:54You mean, like, uh, right now?
00:31:57I mean, well, yeah.
00:31:59You know, the sooner the better.
00:32:02Yeah, sure.
00:32:03I mean, well, yeah, of course.
00:32:04Um, I just never realized that you...
00:32:07I mean...
00:32:09Whew.
00:32:10Uh...
00:32:12It's just...
00:32:15You're so...
00:32:17You're so beautiful.
00:32:18Okay.
00:32:19Um...
00:32:20Uh, no kissing.
00:32:23Right.
00:32:24Um, of course.
00:32:25Sorry.
00:32:29So, um...
00:32:31Do you wanna unwrap me?
00:32:33Oh, wow.
00:32:34Uh, you're wrapped up like a Hot Pocket.
00:32:36Or a leftover macaroni and cheese.
00:32:39Now that you're left over, you're not.
00:32:41Uh, you're fresh.
00:32:45Now that you're left over, you're not.
00:32:47Uh, you're fresh.
00:32:49Organic.
00:32:51Yep.
00:32:53Uh, so the wrap.
00:32:54Right.
00:32:56Um...
00:32:58Where's the, uh...
00:32:59It's, uh, the end is...
00:33:00The edge is, like, right over here.
00:33:01Oh, oh, yeah, here it is.
00:33:02Yeah.
00:33:03That's where I see it.
00:33:04Um, let me just, uh...
00:33:06Uh...
00:33:07Ow!
00:33:08Ow!
00:33:09Ow!
00:33:10Sorry!
00:33:11Sorry!
00:33:12I, um...
00:33:13It's okay.
00:33:14Do it again.
00:33:15Sorry, I, uh...
00:33:16I bite my nails, so it's a little difficult.
00:33:17You know what?
00:33:18Just lay on the bed.
00:33:20Okay.
00:33:25Uh...
00:33:26Let me just see.
00:33:29Oh, here it is.
00:33:30I got it.
00:33:31All right.
00:33:32Pull it.
00:33:33Let me just...
00:33:34Ah!
00:33:35Oh!
00:33:37Oh, geez!
00:33:38Uh, Cheryl, are you...
00:33:39You okay?
00:33:40Help!
00:33:41Uh...
00:33:43Hey, Cheryl, are you okay?
00:33:45Oh, geez.
00:33:47Oh, geez...
00:33:48Oh!
00:33:49Er...
00:33:50Er...
00:33:51Er...
00:33:52Well, that was stupid.
00:33:57Yeah.
00:33:58Haha.
00:34:03How you doing tonight?
00:34:04Good, good.
00:34:05Having a good time?
00:34:06Yeah?
00:34:07Good?
00:34:08Jake!
00:34:09I think I saw Cheryl upstairs.
00:34:10What?
00:34:11I can't hear you.
00:34:13You need another beer.
00:34:15Chips are so damn salty.
00:34:17Jake! Upstairs.
00:34:19Yeah.
00:34:20Hold on. Take a piss.
00:34:22Too much beer.
00:34:45Finally.
00:34:52I, uh,
00:34:54let me just get the blinds.
00:34:55Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:34:57Um, don't worry about it.
00:34:59What?
00:35:00I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:35:04Oh.
00:35:06Well, okay.
00:35:08Okay.
00:35:15Okay.
00:35:16Okay.
00:35:17Okay.
00:35:18Okay.
00:35:19Okay.
00:35:20Okay.
00:35:21I'm gonna go to the kitchen.
00:35:22Finally.
00:35:23I, uh,
00:35:24let me just get the blinds.
00:35:26Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:35:28Um, don't worry about it.
00:35:30What?
00:35:31I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:35:34Oh.
00:35:36Well, okay.
00:35:38Okay.
00:35:39Okay.
00:35:40Um.
00:36:09What are you doing?
00:36:25Uh, I think it's time, you know, to do it.
00:36:33Um, not yet.
00:36:34More foreplay.
00:36:35Huh?
00:36:36Oh.
00:36:39It's so good.
00:36:45Oh.
00:36:47Yep.
00:36:48Oh, my God.
00:36:50Jaw, jaw, jaw.
00:36:51What?
00:36:52What?
00:36:53Ah, ah, oh.
00:36:54Ah, yeah.
00:36:56Lock jaw, lock jaw.
00:36:57Is that even a thing?
00:36:59I don't know.
00:37:02Ah.
00:37:03Are you okay?
00:37:07No, no, no, no.
00:37:08It's, uh, it's fine.
00:37:09I'm just, uh, I'm embarrassed.
00:37:12It's probably TMJ or fracture or swollen.
00:37:18You sure you're okay?
00:37:20Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
00:37:21Okay, great.
00:37:22Have fun.
00:37:23Oh.
00:37:28Now.
00:37:29Now, let's do it now.
00:37:30No, not yet.
00:37:31Not yet.
00:37:31No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
00:38:02Uh-oh.
00:38:05Oh, hey, Jake.
00:38:08How are you doing?
00:38:10How's it going? Good.
00:38:12Eric?
00:38:14Eric, help me. I'm glad I can't see anything.
00:38:17Excuse me.
00:38:21Cheryl's in here.
00:38:27What's up, bruh?
00:38:28What the fuck is...
00:38:31Hey, wait!
00:38:34Lex, babe, I'm still waiting.
00:38:42Oh, I'm sorry. I can't see. I'm blind.
00:38:46Damn it. I'm gonna save somebody to that bitch.
00:38:50Hey, you!
00:38:52You better stop making fun of the blind, or I'm gonna teach you a lesson.
00:38:55Ow!
00:38:58I'm so sorry! I'll never make fun of the blind again.
00:39:01Ah!
00:39:05What the hell?
00:39:06What the hell?
00:39:07What the hell?
00:39:08What the hell?
00:39:09What the hell?
00:39:10Oh, man. No more water balloons.
00:39:11This party's ass.
00:39:12Yeah!
00:39:13This just isn't working.
00:39:14Nothing.
00:39:15Oh, man, no more water balloons.
00:39:28This party's ass.
00:39:32Yeah.
00:39:36This just isn't working.
00:39:39Nothing.
00:39:41What's the big deal about these vibrators anyway?
00:39:45Lock the character, man.
00:39:46The lock sticks.
00:39:48Spark it up.
00:39:49Yes.
00:39:53Oh, man.
00:39:54I love this game.
00:39:55Where's the controllers?
00:39:56We got to play.
00:39:57Here, here, here.
00:39:58OK, let me find another one.
00:39:59All right, fly it on.
00:40:02Whoa.
00:40:03Whoa.
00:40:04Look at this.
00:40:05Oh, my god.
00:40:07Fuel, fuel, fuel.
00:40:09Get that thing away.
00:40:10Jesus.
00:40:11Hey, dude, nice shot.
00:40:19Wasn't me.
00:40:21Whoa, whoa, nice.
00:40:27Are you sitting in there or something?
00:40:32Hey, you found the grenade launcher.
00:40:34Nice, nice.
00:40:34Nice.
00:40:34Do you have the extra controller?
00:40:46Do you have the extra controller?
00:40:47Do you have the extra controller?
00:40:54Whoa.
00:40:54Whoa, you are the controller I didn't
00:41:24Hey, didn't you hear me calling you?
00:41:36Yeah, I just needed to
00:41:38Oh, sure
00:41:40Listen, Sue, I was rethinking what I said earlier
00:41:46You were?
00:41:48You mean...
00:41:50Yeah
00:41:51So you think we should give it a try?
00:41:57Can we go get a drink?
00:42:01Wow, um, your toilet's really clogged
00:42:05You know what, I gotta go
00:42:08Um, happy birthday
00:42:09No, no, there wasn't, I didn't
00:42:11Oh, God, never mind
00:42:21This was the worst idea ever
00:42:27Never going to have sex
00:42:29Ow
00:42:31Hello, a little attention here
00:42:52Oh, yeah, sorry
00:42:54Lex, don't be selfish
00:43:01Oh, right
00:43:02Sorry
00:43:03Ugh, jeez
00:43:17Who invented this stupid position anyway?
00:43:20Too much fucking multitasking
00:43:22Screw it
00:43:23Oh, yeah
00:43:46Oh, yeah
00:43:47Oh, yeah
00:43:50No, that was bad.
00:44:03That was so bad.
00:44:16Joanna, do you know a guy named JJ?
00:44:20I think that guy's name starts with a J.
00:44:27Hey, does your name start with a J?
00:44:31Yes, it does.
00:44:33So, you're JJ?
00:44:35Uh-oh.
00:44:35I think that guy's name starts with a J.
00:44:37I think that guy's name starts with a J.
00:44:40I think that guy's name starts with a J.
00:44:41I think that guy is a J.
00:44:42I think that guy's name starts with a J.
00:44:44No.
00:44:54I think that guy's name starts with a J.
00:44:56Hello. Welcome to 1-900 Confess. Would you like a priest or a nun today?
00:45:03A nun.
00:45:04Please punch in your credit card number. Please hold.
00:45:11Oh, my goodness.
00:45:161-900 Confession. How may I be of service?
00:45:19It's been one day since my last confession. I accuse myself of the following sins.
00:45:23One day.
00:45:26Ow!
00:45:31Is that too long?
00:45:32I would have come this morning, but it's my 18th birthday.
00:45:35Go on.
00:45:37Uh, okay. Well, I've been touching myself inappropriately.
00:45:41Well, actually, I didn't. A washing machine.
00:45:43What's her problem?
00:45:45A washing machine touched her.
00:45:48Well, you know, I sat on a washing machine and, well...
00:45:52All right, freak. Time's up.
00:45:53What? But what do I do?
00:45:55Just unplug the thing.
00:45:56No, but I think I might have had an orgasm.
00:46:00Well, then be happy. You found the perfect man.
00:46:03I'm serious!
00:46:05Look, honey. You seem like a nice young lady, so...
00:46:08I'll tell you this.
00:46:10Masturbation isn't a sin.
00:46:13No contritions?
00:46:15You broke no covenant with God. It's not in the Bible.
00:46:18So the washing machine could touch me anytime?
00:46:22Like morning, afternoon, night?
00:46:25Yes, and other things can touch you.
00:46:28Accidental masturbation is not a sin.
00:46:30Neither is intentional masturbation.
00:46:33Huh. God's pretty cool that way.
00:46:36He sure is. Now run along.
00:46:41Wow. How do you know all that?
00:46:44Because I'm a nun.
00:46:46Now eat my pussy, bitch!
00:46:49Huh. Accidental masturbation. Who would've think?
00:46:52Revenge sex. What a stupid fucking idea.
00:47:04God, I'm getting out of here.
00:47:08Yeah, admit it. I've got no game.
00:47:11I guess I can scare you. I guess I'm a beautiful woman. Thank you.
00:47:17Fucking douchebag!
00:47:19Damn it.
00:47:21I know I have to get laid if it's the last thing I do.
00:47:24You go, girl.
00:47:26What?
00:47:28What are you doing here?
00:47:30We need it someplace private.
00:47:32But hey, listen, if you're serious about getting laid...
00:47:35Yeah?
00:47:36If you want someone great, I mean, really, the best ever.
00:47:41No offense.
00:47:43Frank, the blind guy?
00:47:45Really?
00:47:46I'm telling you, he's amazing.
00:47:49I had food sex with him a few weeks ago.
00:47:51It was like nothing I've ever experienced before.
00:47:54It was like we used all our senses.
00:47:57Everything.
00:48:00If you're interested, I'll set it up.
00:48:03All right.
00:48:04What about him?
00:48:05Jeremy.
00:48:06Oh, yeah, I know Jeremy.
00:48:07Hey, I think I fooled around with him once.
00:48:09I didn't know his last name, though.
00:48:10It's Jones.
00:48:11Jeremy Jones.
00:48:12This all makes sense.
00:48:13Excuse me.
00:48:14Jeremy.
00:48:15Hi.
00:48:16Hey.
00:48:17Who's on the phone?
00:48:18Oh, that's my new girlfriend.
00:48:19You'll meet her.
00:48:20It'll be around, like, an hour.
00:48:21Wait.
00:48:22You have a girlfriend?
00:48:23I don't even know.
00:48:24I don't know.
00:48:25I don't know his last name, though.
00:48:26I didn't know his last name, though.
00:48:27It's Jones.
00:48:28Jeremy Jones.
00:48:29Jeremy Jones.
00:48:30Oh, this all makes sense.
00:48:31Excuse me.
00:48:32Jeremy.
00:48:33Hi.
00:48:34Who's on the phone?
00:48:35Oh, that's my new girlfriend.
00:48:36You'll meet her.
00:48:37It'll be here in, like, an hour.
00:48:38Wait.
00:48:39You have a girlfriend?
00:48:40Oh, hi, Frank.
00:48:53Sit.
00:48:57Oh, you meant, you meant the dog.
00:49:02Relax.
00:49:04You need to relax and calm down.
00:49:10Oh, I'm relaxed, I'm fine.
00:49:18Why are you biting your nail?
00:49:20I'm not.
00:49:24How did you know that?
00:49:27Corner.
00:49:31Sit.
00:49:33Roll over.
00:49:37Oh, you mean me.
00:49:41Roll over.
00:49:44Oh, you mean me.
00:49:46Oh, how do you, how do you want me to...
00:49:49Just lay down.
00:49:50Oh, wait, I...
00:49:51Oh, oh.
00:50:02I shouldn't even be doing this, but considering it a teachable moment.
00:50:06Okay.
00:50:11Oh.
00:50:14See me with your hands.
00:50:19All right.
00:50:20Uh...
00:50:20You know, I should really...
00:50:28I have a boyfriend, and I shouldn't be doing this.
00:50:30Really.
00:50:34Oh.
00:50:43Mmm, peanut butter.
00:50:44Oh.
00:51:00Okay.
00:51:01Oh, okay.
00:51:05Oh.
00:51:06Oh.
00:51:07Oh, okay.
00:51:07Oh, thank you.
00:51:07Oh, Brie.
00:51:08Oh, Brie.
00:51:09Oh, still here.
00:51:10Oh, brie.
00:51:12Oh, can't you do it?
00:51:13Oh, that would be também.
00:51:14No, ma'am.
00:51:30No, give me a chip.
00:51:32My chips, homeboy.
00:51:33No, give me a chip, ma'am.
00:51:34My chips.
00:51:35No, my chip.
00:51:36No, give me a chip.
00:51:38My chips?
00:51:40Guys, why are you making such a mess?
00:51:43Sorry.
00:51:44It's just a case of accidental masturbation.
00:51:54That's all.
00:51:59No, let me do this.
00:52:00Go ahead.
00:52:01I got it.
00:52:01I got it.
00:52:02No, really, please.
00:52:03I want to help.
00:52:06Okay, everybody out.
00:52:09Leave.
00:52:09I have to vacuum.
00:52:10You're not even getting the chips.
00:52:24They're over here.
00:52:25I see some dust over here, so...
00:52:30It's just so much dust on this floor.
00:52:36This is a dirty floor.
00:52:38Such a dirty, dirty floor.
00:52:42I think I got all that.
00:53:04I'm just gonna...
00:53:05I'll see you at home.
00:53:13We got it.
00:53:14Oh, here we go.
00:53:15Just...
00:53:16Frankie.
00:53:18Oh, my...
00:53:19Oh.
00:53:19What was that?
00:53:20What?
00:53:21Oh, fuck your shit.
00:53:23Oh, man, we got to smoke...
00:53:24Well, we can smoke in here.
00:53:27Stop.
00:53:28Frank, stop teasing Frank.
00:53:31Oh, shit.
00:53:32Oh, sorry, man.
00:53:33We're just looking for a place to finish this roach.
00:53:35Oh, I heard something.
00:53:36You want to join us?
00:53:38No, I might...
00:53:38Come on, you gotta do it.
00:53:40Come on.
00:53:41Seriously, guys, I need to...
00:53:42What's your dog, man?
00:53:43Dude, what's it like being blinded?
00:53:44It's trippy.
00:53:45Frank?
00:53:51Frank, are we gonna do something soon?
00:53:55Bro, you are too funny.
00:53:59Thanks, man.
00:54:00Oh, this is some good stuff.
00:54:02I haven't smoked since junior high.
00:54:03Dude, I haven't stopped smoking since junior high.
00:54:06Wait, wait, wait.
00:54:08I feel like I was supposed to be doing something.
00:54:12Damn, I really can't remember.
00:54:13This is some good shit.
00:54:15Oh, no.
00:54:34You're the devil.
00:54:35No more.
00:54:39JJ, I'm...
00:54:40Jeremy, you have to remember that amazing time we had together, don't you?
00:54:44Oh, please.
00:54:46Lex, I can't.
00:54:49I mean, I got a girlfriend.
00:54:51I really like this girl.
00:54:52Fine.
00:54:54It's just so sad because I'm wearing this cupless bra,
00:54:58and I also have on crotch-less panties
00:55:01with just a little string of pearl in front for extra stimulation.
00:55:07Oh.
00:55:12We've got like 30 minutes before she gets here.
00:55:14Perfect.
00:55:19Before she gets here.
00:55:20Perfect.
00:55:20Perfect.
00:55:20Perfect.
00:55:20Perfect.
00:55:21Let's do it.
00:55:22Let's do it.
00:55:23Let's do it.
00:55:24Let's do it.
00:55:25Let's do it.
00:55:26Let's do it.
00:55:27Let's do it.
00:55:28Fuck me.
00:55:29Fuck me now.
00:55:30What?
00:55:31What's wrong?
00:55:32I can't...
00:55:33I can't...
00:55:34I can't get it in.
00:55:35Just try down there.
00:55:36It's like desert down there.
00:55:37It's sandpaper.
00:55:38I just...
00:55:39Okay, I get the picture.
00:55:40Just try it again.
00:55:41No.
00:55:42Why is this happening?
00:55:43We pulled around before?
00:55:44I...
00:55:45I was dripping wet.
00:55:46I came like four times, remember?
00:55:48Just do what you did then.
00:55:49Go on.
00:55:50I already did my thing.
00:55:51I already tried.
00:55:52What?
00:55:53What?
00:55:54What is different this time?
00:55:56I don't know.
00:55:57Last time...
00:55:58I was dripping wet.
00:55:59I came like four times, remember?
00:56:01Just do what you did then.
00:56:02Go on.
00:56:03I already did my thing.
00:56:04I already tried.
00:56:06What?
00:56:08What is different this time?
00:56:10I don't know.
00:56:11Last time...
00:56:13I honestly don't even know what you're talking about.
00:56:17What?
00:56:19You're not JJ?
00:56:21But your name is Jeremy Jones.
00:56:23How can you not be JJ?
00:56:25Who the hell is this JJ?
00:56:28Where are you going?
00:56:30We're not done here.
00:56:31I can still do this.
00:56:32I just need a little bit of work.
00:56:33I can do this.
00:56:35I don't need JJ.
00:56:36I don't need anyone else.
00:56:38We can do this.
00:56:40Go team.
00:56:44What?
00:56:45Just keep going.
00:56:49Jeremy?
00:56:50Are you...
00:56:51Shit.
00:56:54Jeremy?
00:56:58Where's Jeremy?
00:57:03What?
00:57:04We were just...
00:57:05You know...
00:57:05Hey, babe.
00:57:08Just working out.
00:57:13How could you?
00:57:14You bastard!
00:57:18You might want to...
00:57:19What?
00:57:20What?
00:57:24Ah!
00:57:26Mariela!
00:57:28Mariela!
00:57:29You know those aren't mine!
00:57:31At least not all of them.
00:57:33What is wrong with you?
00:57:39What is wrong with you?
00:57:41You used to be so pure.
00:57:43Well, no more.
00:57:45That's it.
00:57:46Really, that's the last one.
00:57:47Come on.
00:57:51Ooh.
00:57:55Shh!
00:57:58Come on.
00:57:59Ah!
00:57:59Ah!
00:58:14Ah!
00:58:14Cheryl?
00:58:21What is it?
00:58:22What are you doing down here?
00:58:24Waiting for everyone to leave so I can sneak out and get far,
00:58:27far away from here?
00:58:28What?
00:58:29Why?
00:58:30Nothing.
00:58:31Just this lying guy and his dog and...
00:58:34Honey, it's gonna be okay.
00:58:37No, it's not okay.
00:58:39God.
00:58:41And you know whose fault it is?
00:58:42I'm sorry.
00:58:43It's Jake's. Jake's fault.
00:58:46That blind, cheating bastard.
00:58:48Yes.
00:58:49He is such a dickwad. You need to confront him.
00:58:52Yeah.
00:58:53Yeah, I need to confront him.
00:58:55I mean, it's my birthday and where is he anyway?
00:58:58Like, why isn't he hanging out with me?
00:59:00You know, you just call him here and give him a big piece of your mind.
00:59:03Yeah, big piece.
00:59:04A big old chunk of my mind.
00:59:06A big piece of it.
00:59:07Yeah.
00:59:08You know, you might wanna...
00:59:10It's...
00:59:11It's...
00:59:12You need to look hot while you break up with him.
00:59:13Yeah, you're right.
00:59:14Why am I wearing a sheet?
00:59:15I know.
00:59:16I'm sorry.
00:59:17I'm sorry.
00:59:18I get shy around beautiful women like you.
00:59:22I got no game.
00:59:23It's not important.
00:59:24Hey, um...
00:59:25Eric, um...
00:59:26Eric, I can't talk right now.
00:59:27No, no, no.
00:59:28I can't talk right now.
00:59:29No, no, no.
00:59:30I can't talk right now.
00:59:46Hey, um, Eric, I can't talk right now.
00:59:50No, no, no, I really need to talk to you.
00:59:52Really, Eric, I can't right now, so.
00:59:55No, no, no, no, I just wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier,
00:59:58and I'm just embarrassed, and I want to make it up to you.
01:00:00Eric, really?
01:00:02I don't care.
01:00:03It's fine.
01:00:04No, but I do.
01:00:05I mean, I do.
01:00:07I care.
01:00:08I haven't known how to tell you.
01:00:11Maybe because, I don't know, I don't know.
01:00:14I'm a little shy, but I was wondering, or hoping,
01:00:18that we could go out sometime soon, because I'm going to be
01:00:22leaving for a little while, and it would be nice to go out.
01:00:25Really?
01:00:27Eric, you're shy.
01:00:28You have no game.
01:00:30No, not really.
01:00:33Yeah, no, I can't do this.
01:00:35Sorry.
01:00:41OK, all right.
01:00:42All right, I, uh, happy birthday, then.
01:00:58Oh, I'm sorry.
01:00:59I was trying to kiss you.
01:01:08Wow.
01:01:12Here I come, baby, get ready for your big birthday surprise.
01:01:27Oh, baby, stop.
01:01:28Um, we can't do this.
01:01:30Oh, god damn it.
01:01:31Not again.
01:01:31Oh, no, I'm not.
01:01:33Honey, happy.
01:01:36Fuck is this?
01:01:37Who the hell are you, dude?
01:01:39OK, guys, don't.
01:01:40Cheryl, baby, what is this?
01:01:46Oh, gee, Cheryl, you're, I've been looking for you all night,
01:01:51and you've been, oh, man, no wonder I couldn't find you.
01:01:55You couldn't find me?
01:01:56What about all those girls' vaginas you were in,
01:01:59or your penis getting sucked?
01:02:02Cheryl, honey.
01:02:03No, no.
01:02:03We can work this out.
01:02:04Baby, I love you.
01:02:06Jake, no, you have to go.
01:02:07Baby, I'll be faithful from now on, please, I promise.
01:02:10No, Jake, I can't do this, I'm sorry.
01:02:12Cheryl, come on.
01:02:14No, Jake, please, just go, just go, I'm sorry.
01:02:17You're a harmless bitch!
01:02:19How can you do it?
01:02:20Yay!
01:02:22You did it.
01:02:23I am so proud of you.
01:02:24You got your revenge sex.
01:02:25You've left him in your shell of a man.
01:02:27Oh.
01:02:28Revenge sex?
01:02:30It's really not what it sounds like at all.
01:02:33Right.
01:02:34It all makes sense now.
01:02:37Wow, I feel really stupid.
01:02:40Eric, I'm really, I'm really sorry.
01:02:43Cheryl, I really liked you, and you used me.
01:02:48Eric, please don't go.
01:02:50Please, Eric!
01:02:51Aren't you happy?
01:02:54Well, no, that's not exactly how it's supposed to feel like.
01:02:58You mean the sex, was it, yeah?
01:03:01No, we didn't quite do it.
01:03:03Oh, you know, I couldn't seem to do it either.
01:03:05Really?
01:03:06I just never found the right guy.
01:03:08Or guys.
01:03:10Anyway, we better get downstairs, people are starting to leave.
01:03:13I wonder how Sue did.
01:03:15Sue did.
01:03:27Can't believe she dumped me, man.
01:03:28This is bullshit!
01:03:30God!
01:03:31Oh!
01:03:32Oh!
01:03:33Suck it!
01:03:34What the?
01:03:35God, I'm out of here!
01:03:37Yeah!
01:03:38He has good hair, though.
01:03:40He's good.
01:03:43Don't you fuse on me.
01:03:45Don't tease on my car, either.
01:03:47Right, Seth Frank.
01:03:49I might need a vacation.
01:03:52Vacation, vacation.
01:03:55Take this inflation through your head.
01:03:59Oh, Sue, are you all right?
01:04:02Was it from sex?
01:04:04Did you pop your cork?
01:04:05I don't think so.
01:04:06I'm out with the guy, anyway.
01:04:08Oh, don't ask.
01:04:09Every possible object.
01:04:12It's like every mechanical thing.
01:04:13It was like transformers.
01:04:16They just all became vibrators.
01:04:18I told you.
01:04:19It's addicting.
01:04:22So what about Chris?
01:04:24Well, last time I saw him, he was running away for dear life.
01:04:26I told you he was gay.
01:04:27No.
01:04:28Well, I think I'm just all cramp.
01:04:33Oh, I think it's broken.
01:04:35So wait.
01:04:36None of us cashed in our V-card.
01:04:40Oh, Joanna, you're so sweet.
01:04:45So I was going to go grab some food.
01:04:48Can I go?
01:04:49No.
01:04:51I think I should finish up here.
01:04:53Did you ever find that guy you were looking for?
01:04:55No.
01:04:55I don't know.
01:04:57For some reason, I just realized he needs to be my first.
01:05:01Or something.
01:05:02Why?
01:05:03Do you know him?
01:05:04Sort of.
01:05:05Oh.
01:05:06Well, hey, if you happen to run into him,
01:05:08just tell him I'd like to see him again.
01:05:10I love him.
01:05:13Shut it.
01:05:14You want to do it?
01:05:15I don't want to hear it from you.
01:05:16I want to get married.
01:05:17You want to do it?
01:05:18All right, all right, all right, all right.
01:05:20All right, all right.
01:05:21All right.
01:05:22All right.
01:05:23All right.
01:05:24All right.
01:05:25All right.
01:05:26All right.
01:05:49No, no way.
01:05:52Yeah.
01:05:54Oh well, there's always next year.
01:06:24It's you.
01:06:31I've been waiting for you, JJ.
01:06:37Joanna!
01:06:54And when the heat is on, you never take it away.
01:07:22You never take it away.
01:07:27Give me a robot no more.
01:07:33And when the heat is on, you never take it away.
01:07:37Wow.
01:07:38That's amazing.
01:07:41Yeah, I didn't know I had it in me.
01:07:44I guess something inspired me.
01:07:47You really captured his expression in his eyes.
01:07:50Yeah, even that little cowlick he has in his hair.
01:07:55Whose?
01:07:56Eric's.
01:07:57Well, it's him, right?
01:08:00Oh.
01:08:03Yeah.
01:08:05I have to go see him.
01:08:09Well, I think you know what we should do.
01:08:121-900 confess.
01:08:26Sister Therese?
01:08:28Yeah, hon.
01:08:29There was a problem with your credit card.
01:08:31I just need the last three numbers in the back.
01:08:33Oh, sure.
01:08:34Oh.
01:08:35It's 271.
01:08:37Um, sister, I know this isn't a confession, but can I ask your opinion on something?
01:08:42Do you think if you do something bad that God will forgive you, like take you back?
01:08:48Sure, hon.
01:08:49Why not?
01:08:50As long as you're on the right path.
01:08:53Well, how do you know if you're on that path?
01:08:56I always look for some kind of sign from the universe.
01:09:00Something to let me know that it's all gonna be okay.
01:09:03Sister, can I get up now?
01:09:07I really gotta pee.
01:09:09No!
01:09:10Hush your trap!
01:09:11Okay, honey, I really need to get back to work, but call back anytime.
01:09:16I will.
01:09:17Thanks.
01:09:22Sister?
01:09:23Shut up or I'll punish you hard, you shit fucker!
01:09:41Eric, wait!
01:09:45Cheryl?
01:09:48Eric, um, look, I am so sorry about everything.
01:09:53I was trying to have revenge sex with you at the beginning, but then at the end I wasn't.
01:09:58I just didn't want to do that with you.
01:10:01The revenge part, not the sex part.
01:10:04Um, I, I do want to go out with you.
01:10:10And I didn't realize that until this morning.
01:10:13I mean, you're a completely different guy than Jake is, and he's all over these-
01:10:17Eric!
01:10:19Come on, I gotta get going.
01:10:21Oh.
01:10:22Wow.
01:10:23Um, Cheryl, uh, this is my sister Tina.
01:10:26Tina, Cheryl.
01:10:28Hi!
01:10:29Nice to meet you.
01:10:30Uh, so, um, do you mind if I call you in a few days, when I get back?
01:10:39Yeah, sure.
01:10:45Oh.
01:10:47Sorry.
01:10:48No kissing, right?
01:10:49No, kissing.
01:10:50Oh.
01:10:51Mmm.
01:10:52Mmm.
01:10:53Hey, did you ever, uh, get those flowers I sent you?
01:11:11I, I don't even care that you hooked up a plexi.
01:11:14Wait, what?
01:11:15I never did that.
01:11:17I mean, you don't have to lie about it.
01:11:18She told me all about your pierced tongue.
01:11:25She must have me mixed up with someone else.
01:11:28I wonder who it was.
01:11:29I wonder who it was.
01:11:49At least this birthday's over.
01:11:51Dear Lord, uh, please forgive me.
01:12:05I mean, if you could just, I don't know, like, send me a sign?
01:12:09Yeah, I'm gonna be the one more.
01:12:11Oh, very sweet.
01:12:12Yeah.
01:12:13I won't.
01:12:14I'll be the one more.
01:12:15I'm gonna be the one more.
01:12:16I don't know.
01:12:17I'm gonna be the one more.
01:12:18I'm gonna be the one more.
01:12:19I'm gonna be the one more.
01:12:20Hey, Dad.
01:12:22Oh, my God.
01:12:23Oh, my God.
01:12:25I'm gonna be the one more.
01:12:26Cool.
01:12:27Oh, my God.
01:12:28Oh, my God.
01:12:30Oh, my God.
01:12:31So, I'll go.
01:12:32This place, what?
01:12:33Well, we're the two more.
01:12:34I'll go because of you too.
01:12:35What?
01:12:36Excuse me, excuse me, do you know where the church is?
01:12:43It's on Fountain Street.
01:12:45Yeah, that's the church I go to, or used to go to.
01:12:49It's straight up that way and then left.
01:12:54You're more than welcome to come with me if you like.
01:12:57Oh, well, I don't know.
01:13:06Well, that's pretty powerful.
01:13:09Oh, 250 horsepower, 225 pounds of torque.
01:13:14Like I said, you're more than welcome to hop on.
01:13:18I don't think so, but thanks.
01:13:21What's your name?
01:13:22Sue. What's yours?
01:13:24Jesus.
01:13:26Really?
01:13:27Si.
01:13:29Maybe I could use the ride.
01:13:36.
01:13:44.
01:13:49.
01:13:58.
01:13:59.
01:14:00.
01:14:01.
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