- 2 days ago
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00:03:08I would like now to introduce a most distinguished American.
00:03:12This week, he is being honored for his 1,000th drug dealer killed.
00:03:17Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Lieutenant Frank Drebin of Police Squad.
00:03:24In all honesty, the last two, I backed over with my car.
00:03:29Luckily, they turned out to be drug dealers.
00:03:32Excellent.
00:03:33Thank you, Commissioner Brumford.
00:03:39Now, I'd like to call upon my chief of staff, Mr. Johnson Nunu, introduce some special guests.
00:03:47Mr. President, tonight I am extremely proud to welcome our guests from the nation's energy suppliers.
00:03:53First, representing the oil industry, head of the Society of Petroleum Industry Leaders, better known as SPIL, Mr. Terence Baggett.
00:04:03From the coal industry, chairman of the Society for More Coal Energy, or Smoke, Mr. Donald Fenswick.
00:04:11Thank you very much.
00:04:12And from the nuclear industry, president of the Key Atomic Benefits Office of Mankind, kaboom, Mr. Arthur Dunwell.
00:04:20As you know, for the past three years, this administration has been trying to formulate a national energy policy,
00:04:28one that will have a lasting impact on the way we live for the next decade and beyond.
00:04:33To make sure that we choose the right path, the president has appointed as his top advisor in this area, Dr. Albert S. Meinheimer.
00:04:44As I'm sure you're all aware, his reputation in this field is without fear,
00:04:53and Dr. Meinheimer will present his recommendations to the annual National Press Club dinner this Tuesday evening.
00:05:02Mr. President.
00:05:06I want all of you here to be the first to know that I've decided to base my administration's entire energy policy
00:05:18on Dr. Meinheimer's recommendations.
00:05:21Excellent.
00:05:23Now, this issue is too important to be left to politicians or special interests to decide.
00:05:27Rather, we need an independent and informed source on which to base our future actions,
00:05:33and Dr. Meinheimer is the recognized expert in this field.
00:05:37Mr. President, if I may say so,
00:05:42I do hope that Dr. Meinheimer won't be influenced by any of the so-called environmental groups.
00:05:51Well, we're all well aware of Dr. Meinheimer's reputation,
00:05:54so I think that perhaps he's best qualified to explain his research methods.
00:05:59No!
00:06:00Dr. Meinheimer,
00:06:01are you leading down here?
00:06:02No!
00:06:02No!
00:06:03No!
00:06:03No!
00:06:04No!
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00:06:04No!
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00:06:05No!
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00:06:06No!
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00:06:07No!
00:06:07No!
00:06:08No!
00:06:08No!
00:06:09No!
00:06:09No!
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00:06:11No!
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00:06:13No!
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00:06:14No!
00:06:16No!
00:06:17No!
00:06:18No!
00:06:19No!
00:06:20No!
00:06:21No!
00:06:22No!
00:06:23Oh, my God.
00:06:53Oh, my God.
00:07:23Oh, my God.
00:07:53Oh, my God.
00:08:23Oh, my God.
00:08:53Oh, I'm sorry, my dear.
00:08:55I didn't mean to be so blunt.
00:08:58It's all right, Doctor.
00:09:00It's okay.
00:09:02You're thinking about him again, aren't you?
00:09:05What was his name?
00:09:07Frank?
00:09:08Yes.
00:09:09You just can't forget about him, can you?
00:09:12Who?
00:09:14Frank.
00:09:15Oh, yes.
00:09:17No, I can't.
00:09:18I try.
00:09:20It's just that when you've had that much man, but then you wouldn't understand it.
00:09:29Jane, Jane, Jane, look, you mustn't be so hard on yourself.
00:09:36You've done a wonderful job here at the Institute.
00:09:40You're the finest director of public relations we've ever had.
00:09:43Thank you, Doctor.
00:09:44I try my best.
00:09:46But I see you here night after night past ten.
00:09:50You've got to forget about the past.
00:09:52Go out.
00:09:53See new people.
00:09:54Enjoy yourself.
00:09:56Well, there is someone I'm seeing.
00:09:58In fact, just yesterday, I was telling him about the speech that you were preparing for the press.
00:10:02Good evening, Miss Spencer.
00:10:03Dr. Meinheimer.
00:10:04Hello, Norm.
00:10:06Oh, I completely forgot.
00:10:08How was the White House dinner?
00:10:10Extraordinary.
00:10:11The president promised to implement whatever recommendations I make.
00:10:14Why, that's wonderful.
00:10:16Then you're going to deliver the speech that you told me about last week?
00:10:18Oh, yes.
00:10:19Every word of it.
00:10:20I would have given it tonight, but another guest there made such a ruckus, I don't believe anyone would have heard me.
00:10:25Hey, Al.
00:10:27Kent.
00:10:28Look at this.
00:10:29Thomas in the wastebasket.
00:10:32Hey, that's a pretty nice clock.
00:10:38I wonder why they threw it out.
00:10:41It's probably because it's four minutes too slow.
00:10:44Here, let me fix it.
00:10:47There.
00:10:54My name is Sergeant Frank Drebin, Detective Lieutenant Police Squad.
00:10:57I was in the middle of getting my car washed when I heard the call over the police scanner.
00:11:02There'd been a bombing downtown, and I was on my way to advise the D.C. police as part of the president's Operation Scum Roundup.
00:11:10As far as police work is concerned, every once in a while something comes up that nothing quite prepares you for.
00:11:19Somehow, some demented madman, probably full of self-hate, and possibly a couple of months behind in his rent, finally snapped.
00:11:29I want a sample of this.
00:11:31I'm glad you're good, Maggie, Frank.
00:11:33I got here as quick as I could, Ed.
00:11:34Oh, congratulations.
00:11:36I understand that Edna's pregnant again.
00:11:38Yes, and if I catch the guy who did it...
00:11:40Hey, Captain.
00:11:41They just finished searching the building.
00:11:42Now, there's no sign of a break-in, and there's no money missing.
00:11:45Huh.
00:11:45Man, this is one hell of an explosion.
00:11:47Still trying to figure out what they used.
00:11:50Any other victims?
00:11:52You're standing on one right now.
00:11:53Oh.
00:11:54Get him out of here.
00:11:56Oh, this one's a real mess.
00:11:58Oh.
00:11:59Hey, everybody.
00:12:00Over here.
00:12:00Frank found another one.
00:12:01Do you have to miss this?
00:12:02Any witnesses, Ed?
00:12:04Oh, there's one.
00:12:05A woman.
00:12:06She saw a man leaving just before the explosion.
00:12:09Maybe we should let Nordberg handle this one.
00:12:11No, I'd better do it while it's still fresh.
00:12:13But not now, Frank.
00:12:14She fainted dead away.
00:12:16She took a nasty knock on the head.
00:12:18She looks pretty bad.
00:12:19I'll handle it.
00:12:20Sir.
00:12:21Excuse me, miss.
00:12:22I'd like to ask you a few questions about...
00:12:24Frank, not that bad.
00:12:26She's being questioned over there by our sketch artist.
00:12:32I couldn't believe it was her.
00:12:35It was like a dream.
00:12:37But there she was, just like I remembered her.
00:12:41That delicately beautiful face.
00:12:44And a body that could melt a cheese sandwich from across the room.
00:12:50And breasts that seemed to say,
00:12:53Hey, look at these.
00:12:54She was the kind of woman that made you want to drop to your knees.
00:13:01And thank God you were a man.
00:13:04Yeah.
00:13:06She reminded me of my mother all right, no doubt about it.
00:13:11Frank, snap out of it.
00:13:12You're looking at her like she was your mother, for Christ's sake.
00:13:14Frank.
00:13:24Frank.
00:13:25Jane.
00:13:27I didn't know you lived here.
00:13:29I moved here two years ago.
00:13:33How are the children?
00:13:35We didn't have any children.
00:13:37Oh, yes, of course.
00:13:39How was your prostate operation?
00:13:41Fine.
00:13:42Good as new.
00:13:42In fact, they, better than ever.
00:13:45Look, Frank, I, I know this is awkward.
00:13:49But you're not still obsessed with our relationship, are you?
00:13:52Obsessed?
00:13:53Who's obsessed?
00:13:54Just because you backed out on the wedding two years ago?
00:13:56I've forgotten all about it.
00:13:57There's ancient history, like the Democratic Party.
00:14:00Frank.
00:14:01He was in tears.
00:14:02And church, crying like a baby.
00:14:04Frank, get a hold of yourself.
00:14:05I had to return 13 Cuisinards.
00:14:06That's enough, Frank, really.
00:14:08Kept the salad shooter, though.
00:14:09Oh, Jane, there you are.
00:14:11Hello, Jane.
00:14:13Dr. Meinheimer.
00:14:14Frank, this is Dr. Albert Meinheimer.
00:14:16Don't get up.
00:14:18Nice to meet you.
00:14:19Likewise, I'm sure.
00:14:20But I believe we've met before, at the White House dinner.
00:14:23He never forgets a face.
00:14:25He has a photographic memory.
00:14:27It's a terrible thing that's happened here, Lieutenant.
00:14:29I really do hope you find the people responsible.
00:14:31Well, I'm sorry I can't be more optimistic, Doctor, but we have a long road ahead of us.
00:14:35Like having sex.
00:14:37It's a painstaking, arduous task that seems to go on and on forever, and just when you think things are going your way, nothing happens.
00:14:43Now, Jane, about this man you saw last night, anything can help.
00:14:48Yes, I gave the sketch artist a description.
00:14:55Ah, and that'll be all, McTeague.
00:14:58Why don't we get that other artist?
00:15:02You know, the one who never dates, lives with those two guys?
00:15:05Yeah, right.
00:15:06Sorenson!
00:15:07Jane, I'd like to see the rest of the Institute now, if you don't mind, Dr. Meinheimer.
00:15:11Yeah, why, of course.
00:15:12We should start with the research area.
00:15:14That's a good idea.
00:15:15It's right this way.
00:15:19Jane, what can you tell me about this man you saw last night?
00:15:22Ah, he's Caucasian.
00:15:24Caucasian?
00:15:24Yeah, you know, a white guy.
00:15:26With a mustache, about six foot three.
00:15:29An awfully big mustache.
00:15:30Now, what's this all about?
00:15:31This is our research laboratory.
00:15:34There are hundreds of experiments going on, all temperature controlled by the machinery just below us.
00:15:39Many of our scientists have spent years on their experiments and are just now making major breakthroughs.
00:15:44And today, we're going to join together two compounds that have never been forming together.
00:15:49Oh, my God!
00:15:53Well, thank heavens the bomb didn't damage the research area.
00:15:56Yes, but I still can't understand.
00:15:58Who would want to do such a thing?
00:15:59Uh, Jane, I think you ought to know about something.
00:16:03Jane, darling.
00:16:04Quentin!
00:16:05Jane, are you all right?
00:16:07I was so worried about you.
00:16:09I'm really okay.
00:16:11I'm glad you're here.
00:16:14Oh, I'm sorry.
00:16:15Frank, this is Quentin Habsburg of Hexagon Oil Company.
00:16:19Pleased to meet you, Mr. Dreben.
00:16:21Frank Dreben.
00:16:22I believe I've used some of your restrooms.
00:16:26I'm sure you have.
00:16:29Are you in some way connected with the Institute?
00:16:30Well, not officially, but as a matter of fact, Jane and I have been seeing quite a lot of each other lately.
00:16:36How's my little hellcat?
00:16:40Well, that's great.
00:16:42I've been dating, too.
00:16:43Nice girl, an author.
00:16:45She wrote the book on male sexual dysfunction.
00:16:47You've probably read it.
00:16:48I beg your pardon.
00:16:50Frank, please.
00:16:50Oh, it's all right.
00:16:51I'm sure that we can handle this situation maturely.
00:16:53Just like the responsible adult that we are.
00:16:56Isn't that right, Mr. Poopypants?
00:16:59That does it.
00:17:00Frank, Quentin, maybe you should excuse us.
00:17:04Anything you wish, my darling.
00:17:08Until tonight, then.
00:17:23I'm feeling blue Just thinking of you
00:17:42I get out of bed Wish I was dead
00:17:52And I hope you do, too
00:17:58So I have given up
00:18:03I've thrown in the tower
00:18:07I've taken all the pills
00:18:12The law will allow
00:18:15And so I'm feeling blue
00:18:20Sir?
00:18:21What else can I do
00:18:24Give me the strongest thing you got
00:18:26On second thought, how about a black Russian?
00:18:33Very well, sir
00:18:34I guess I'm just
00:18:38Screwed
00:18:43Frank, I thought I'd find you here
00:18:48Ed, sit down
00:18:50Pull up a memory or two
00:18:51You left before I could talk to you
00:18:54Ed, is it just my imagination
00:18:57Or is the whole world crazy?
00:19:00No, it's just a small percentage
00:19:02Of the population, Frank
00:19:03I hope you're right
00:19:05It's just that
00:19:07I don't know if I fit
00:19:09Anymore
00:19:10You're still thinking about Jane
00:19:13You're still thinking about Jane, aren't you?
00:19:14She's part of my life, Ed
00:19:16Always will be
00:19:17I think about her constantly
00:19:19But it's done
00:19:21The minute I heard her say
00:19:23Get out of my life forever
00:19:24I know it was over
00:19:25You know, sometimes I think about you and Edna
00:19:28That's when I envy you
00:19:29Ed, because you have someone
00:19:31You have the same person
00:19:32Every day for about 30 years
00:19:34You wake up with her
00:19:36You eat with her
00:19:37You sleep with her
00:19:39You make love to the same woman
00:19:41You spend every possible waking moment together
00:19:46Well, I'm out running around
00:19:48With some 20-year-olds
00:19:49Who just want to have a good time
00:19:51And cheap sex, sex, sex
00:19:52Girls who can't say no
00:19:54Girls who can't get enough
00:19:55More, more, more
00:19:56It's your turn now
00:19:57To wear the handcuffs
00:19:58I...
00:20:05I...
00:20:06I just want to love, Ed
00:20:07I'm sure you'll find love, Frank
00:20:10I already have one
00:20:12It's from the lady
00:20:13Go to her, Frank
00:20:20Go on
00:20:23I'll see you in the morning
00:20:25Excuse me
00:20:30Pardon me
00:20:31Sorry
00:20:34This is not easy to say
00:20:39I'm lonely, I'm lost
00:20:41I need someone to hold
00:20:42To love
00:20:43Frank
00:20:43Over here
00:20:46Well
00:20:49What are you doing here?
00:20:56I called your hotel
00:20:57It got no answer
00:20:58Then I tried the station house
00:20:59I thought maybe you'd be here
00:21:02Good evening, Sam
00:21:04Mr. Trebin
00:21:06Jane
00:21:08Always nice to see nice people
00:21:10Sam
00:21:12Play our song
00:21:13Play our song
00:21:13Just one more time
00:21:16Of course
00:21:17Ding dong
00:21:22The witch is dead
00:21:22Witch-o-witch
00:21:23The wicked witch
00:21:24Ding dong
00:21:25The witch is dead
00:21:26Sam
00:21:56Red van
00:21:57Red van
00:21:57Red van, oh thank you
00:21:58That'll be very helpful
00:21:58So you said your piece
00:22:00You can go now, right?
00:22:02That's not my only reason
00:22:03For being here
00:22:04Frank, I want us to be friends
00:22:06Sure, friends
00:22:08But if I dusted you for prints
00:22:09Right now
00:22:10They'd be your lover boy
00:22:11Quentin Habsburgs
00:22:12Oh, you
00:22:12Well, I see a certain kitten
00:22:16Still knows how to scratch
00:22:17I'm sorry
00:22:25I shouldn't have done that
00:22:27Oh, Frank, we're no good together
00:22:32All you ever live for
00:22:34Was your police work
00:22:35And you were always busy
00:22:36Trying to save the end zone layer
00:22:37Ozone layer
00:22:39Oh, Frank, you never tried to understand
00:22:42How can you say that?
00:22:44When I sank every penny I had
00:22:45Into buying that 1,000 acres
00:22:47Of Brazilian rainforest
00:22:48Then I had it slashed and burnt
00:22:50So we could build our dream house
00:22:51Frank, how could you be so insensitive?
00:22:54Insensitive?
00:22:55You think it's easy
00:22:56Displacing an entire tribe?
00:22:58You try it sometime
00:22:59Oh, I'd better go
00:23:01This was a mistake
00:23:03I don't even know why I came here
00:23:04I was hoping you'd be happy
00:23:06That you'd have someone
00:23:07I'm single
00:23:09I love being single
00:23:12I haven't had this much sex
00:23:14As I was a boy scout leader
00:23:15I mean, at the time
00:23:22I was dating a lot
00:23:24I told you the bombing wouldn't work
00:23:37We had no choice
00:23:39Take a look at this headline
00:23:41President to give Meinheimer
00:23:43Blank check at press club dinner
00:23:45That speech is in two days
00:23:48Don't you think I know that?
00:23:49We all know that
00:23:50Gentlemen, gentlemen
00:23:53I know you're all worried
00:23:56And I agree
00:23:58There's plenty to be worried about
00:24:00Like this solar power plant
00:24:03Already operational outside Los Angeles
00:24:07Photovoltaic cells
00:24:09They convert sunlight directly into electricity
00:24:13Fluorescent
00:24:14Lasts ten times as long as a conventional light bulb
00:24:18Uses only a quarter of the power
00:24:19Super windows
00:24:21Insulate as well as ten sheets of glass
00:24:24An electric car
00:24:26Partially powered by solar panels
00:24:29But the truth is, gentlemen
00:24:33I'm not worried about any of these things
00:24:37Because no one's ever going to know about them
00:24:41What about Meinheimer and his report?
00:24:44Yes, he's going to tell the president
00:24:45Good question
00:24:47Why don't we just ask him
00:24:50Ask him what?
00:24:51That's kidnapped
00:24:52Oh my God
00:24:53Good heavens
00:24:54But what about Tuesday evening at his speech?
00:24:56Dr. Meinheimer will deliver his speech
00:25:00It is my view
00:25:01For now we must rely on coal, oil and nuclear energy
00:25:05Our Dr. Meinheimer
00:25:08Oh my God
00:25:10That's incredible
00:25:11Gentlemen, meet Earl Hacker
00:25:14Former arts consultant to Jesse Helms
00:25:17And as I explained to Mr. Habsburg
00:25:20My fee is one million dollars
00:25:23And, might I add
00:25:25I'm worth every penny of it
00:25:28But, uh, you gentlemen don't have any choice
00:25:32Do you?
00:25:36After getting a good night's sleep
00:25:47I decided to head back to police headquarters
00:25:50I figured if I buried myself in my police work
00:25:53I could forget about Jane
00:25:54And maybe in the process
00:25:56Catch a vicious killer before he struck again
00:25:59So far we had few clues
00:26:01And no real leads
00:26:02I was hoping maybe the lab boys
00:26:04Had come up with something
00:26:06Hey, shut up, come off
00:26:07You're not one of you pigs
00:26:09Just take it easy, man
00:26:10Say your prayers
00:26:11I got it
00:26:13It's work, Frank
00:26:13What?
00:26:14Ted, can you show us those lab results
00:26:16You got back from the research institute?
00:26:18We weren't able to get any clean fingerprints, Captain
00:26:21But we did find footprints outside the research institute
00:26:24We made plaster casts out of them
00:26:26A size 9.5D
00:26:28We're running a trace on it now
00:26:30But even more interesting, Frank
00:26:32We also found this single dinosaur footprint
00:26:34A major find from the Paleolithic era
00:26:37Anything else, Ted?
00:26:39Yes, about 20 feet down from that spot
00:26:41We discovered ancient timbers
00:26:42Which we believe may be part of Noah's Ark
00:26:44That's great, Ted
00:26:46But about the case
00:26:46I'll be departing tomorrow for Boston
00:26:48Where I'll be delivering a major address
00:26:50To the American Archaeological Society
00:26:52And I'm booked on Geraldo next week
00:26:54You're going on Geraldo because of this?
00:26:57No, my wife is a transsexual Satan worshiper
00:27:00But meanwhile, we'll be continuing fingerprint analysis
00:27:04Fiber checks
00:27:05DNA breakdown
00:27:06Hair samples
00:27:07Then using the microscopic dirt particles on this footprint
00:27:11It's a matter of getting a geologic breakdown of the entire city
00:27:14We may not have that kind of time, Ted
00:27:16Then maybe this will help
00:27:18We found his wallet on the curb outside the institute
00:27:22We haven't yet had a chance to examine it thoroughly
00:27:26It just came down from the lab an hour ago
00:27:28Hector Savage from Detroit
00:27:32Hey, I remember this pug
00:27:34Ex-boxer
00:27:36His real name was Joey Chicago
00:27:38Oh, yeah
00:27:38He fought under the name of Kid Minneapolis
00:27:41I saw Kid Minneapolis fight once
00:27:43In Cincinnati
00:27:44No, you're thinking of Kid New York
00:27:46He fought out of Philly
00:27:47He was killed in the ring in Houston
00:27:48By Tex, Colorado
00:27:50You know, the Arizona assassin
00:27:52Yeah, from Dakota
00:27:53I don't remember if it was north or south
00:27:55North?
00:27:56South Dakota was his brother
00:27:57From West Virginia
00:27:58You sure know your boxing?
00:28:00Well, all I know is never bet on the white guy
00:28:03You got an address in there?
00:28:06All I've got is a card that says
00:28:07Monique DiCarlo
00:28:08210 Blackman Street
00:28:11That's the red light district
00:28:12I wonder why Savage is hanging out down there
00:28:16Sex, Frank?
00:28:17Uh, no, not right now, Ed
00:28:21We got work to do
00:28:22The address we were given for Monique DiCarlo
00:28:28Was in a part of town known as Little Italy
00:28:30We proceeded there
00:28:32Hoping this could be the lead
00:28:33That would bring us to Hector Savage
00:28:35And possibly lead us to a clue
00:28:37That would break the case wide open
00:28:39That's the cops
00:28:43You gotta get rid of them
00:28:44All right, all right, I'll handle it
00:28:47Quick, you hide in the basement
00:28:48You'll be safe down there
00:28:51Ed
00:28:54Frank
00:28:56Red van
00:28:57Yes, I know
00:28:58No, Jane said she saw a red van outside the institute
00:29:00The night of the explosion
00:29:01Oh, let's take him down
00:29:04No, he's not working alone
00:29:05Let's bug the van, see where he goes
00:29:08Good thinking, Frank
00:29:09Nordberg?
00:29:09No problem
00:29:10Lieutenant Frank Driven
00:29:16Police squad
00:29:17This is my Captain Ed Hawken
00:29:19Is this some kind of bust?
00:29:21Well, it's very impressive, yes
00:29:23But we need to ask you a few questions
00:29:25All right, listen
00:29:34We're looking for a Hector Savage
00:29:37Now, where is he?
00:29:38And why should I tell you, Coppa?
00:29:40Because I'm the last line of defense
00:29:42Between sleaze like this
00:29:44And the decent people in this town
00:29:45Oh, hi, Frank
00:29:47Say, we got that model D-83
00:29:50Swedish sure-grip suck machine
00:29:51In that you ordered
00:29:52It's a gift
00:29:55Frank, come here, quick
00:30:14It's Savage
00:30:17He's on the move
00:30:18Hey
00:30:23Hey, stop
00:30:25Stop
00:30:26I'm a police officer
00:30:28Let's go, Ed
00:30:30Remember, we can't let him slaughter
00:30:32Hey, let's just pull over right now
00:30:36Nordberg's bugging device is right on the money
00:30:40I'm not being stuck
00:30:42Huh?
00:30:44Oh
00:30:45He's changing directions there
00:30:50Stop the car
00:30:50Oh, no
00:30:52He's getting closer
00:30:55Good
00:30:56You should see him any minute now
00:30:57Keep your eyes peeled
00:30:58Oh, no
00:30:59Forget it
00:31:02He's real close now
00:31:03Step on it
00:31:06Hey, stop
00:31:29Stop right now
00:31:31I've had it
00:31:32I said stop
00:31:34Whoa
00:31:38Oh, no
00:31:43Frank Tremban, police squad
00:31:49What do we have here?
00:31:50It's a tense situation, Lieutenant
00:31:52Savage is holed up in that house over there
00:31:54Says he's got hostages
00:31:56Could be bluffing
00:31:57Anything else?
00:31:58Yeah, uh
00:31:59That red van
00:32:00It's registered to one
00:32:02Quentin Kapsburg
00:32:03With no donors, do they burn?
00:32:05Whoops, sandwich
00:32:06Well, looks like the cows have come home to roost
00:32:10How you doing, trooper?
00:32:13Hey, stop firing!
00:32:20Hold it!
00:32:21Stop firing!
00:32:23Hey, man!
00:32:25Stop firing!
00:32:26Hey!
00:32:28Stop firing!
00:32:29All right
00:32:31Give me the bullhorn
00:32:33This is Frank Tremban, police squad
00:32:37Throw down your guns
00:32:39And come on out with your hands up
00:32:41Or come on out
00:32:42Then throw down your guns
00:32:44Whichever way you want to do it
00:32:45Just remember the two key elements here
00:32:48One
00:32:49Guns to be thrown down
00:32:51Two
00:32:51Come on out
00:32:52You just try and take me, Tremban
00:32:55I got more if you want them, copper
00:32:58Looks like he's holding all the cards, Frank
00:33:00Not all the cards, Ed
00:33:02How about it?
00:33:03Frank, you can't drive that tank
00:33:05You're not checked out on it
00:33:06Don't worry, Ed
00:33:07Just keep him busy
00:33:09All right, Savage
00:33:11What do you want?
00:33:13I want a car out front
00:33:14Something fun
00:33:15A Porsche
00:33:16Then I want a plane ticket to Jamaica
00:33:19And I want a nice hotel
00:33:20No touristy place
00:33:22Something really indicative of the people and their culture
00:33:25Can't do that, Savage
00:33:27We're crawling your club
00:33:29Now put your hands on top of your head and come out
00:33:32We've got your surroundings
00:33:34Run from the tank
00:33:35Frank!
00:33:37Frank!
00:33:38What are you doing?
00:33:40What are you doing, Frank?
00:33:41Frank!
00:33:42Frank!
00:33:42Frank!
00:33:48Left gear!
00:33:53Frank!
00:33:53Back!
00:33:54Back!
00:34:02Frank!
00:34:03Oakland!
00:34:03Yeah!
00:34:04He got his head!
00:34:04He got his head!
00:34:05He got his head!
00:34:06He got his head!
00:34:07He got his head!
00:34:07He made its head!
00:34:09He got his head!
00:34:10Derek!
00:34:11Uh, is he got his head!
00:34:12Oh
00:34:42Yes, it is and I have a receipt to prove it
00:34:50Telephone call commissioner. Thank you. Excuse me
00:34:56Yes
00:34:59He did what
00:35:01How many animals escaped oh my god, Commissioner, you're looking lovely tonight
00:35:07Do you realize that because of you this city is being overrun by baboons well
00:35:16Isn't that the fault of the voters?
00:35:26I'd just like to thank you all for attending this event in honor of dr. Albert Meinheimer who tomorrow will make his historic address
00:35:37And along with the president I too pledge to support dr. Meinheimer's recommendations, whatever they may be
00:35:54And now please enjoy the evening
00:36:07May I cut in Frank? What are you doing here? I enjoy a good party. Why are you really here Frank? I can sum that up in three words
00:36:23Quentin Hepsburg I
00:36:25Never liked him for the moment. I laid either the man is as dirty as the coal miners underwear in January
00:36:30Oh Frank what's gotten into you? He's a kind gentle concerned man who cares about people and is not as suspicious as some people I know
00:36:38Oh, yeah?
00:36:40Why don't you ask him what his connection is with the red van you saw the night of the explosion?
00:36:44I don't know what you're talking about
00:36:46Well, why don't you ask him if he spells with a two-bit goon named Hector survive
00:36:51Frank stop it you're just jealous because another man can give me the understanding that you never could
00:36:56I just hope your pal clinton is watching right now because I know he'll be jealous
00:37:02And a jealous man always makes the wrong moves. I'm counting on that
00:37:26oh
00:37:45Mr. Dreden sir, mr. Helpsburg would like you to join him at his table
00:37:56Solitaire is a lonely man's game, Hefberg.
00:38:00Lieutenant, I don't recall seeing your name on the guest list.
00:38:07Nothing to be embarrassed about. I sometimes go by my maiden name.
00:38:13A nice party, Hefberg. I see a lot of familiar face lips.
00:38:19Do you gamble, Lieutenant?
00:38:22Every time I order out.
00:38:26Que sera, sera.
00:38:29You do speak French, don't you?
00:38:31Unfortunately, no. But I do kiss that way.
00:38:36Excuse me, you happen to be standing in my place.
00:38:39Oh, Dr. Meinheimer, you remember Frank.
00:38:42Um, Mr. Drebin from Police Squad. You met him at the Institute.
00:38:49Oh, yes, of course. Do sit down.
00:38:52Thank you, I don't intend to stay.
00:38:54Let's play another game. Who's this?
00:39:01I wouldn't know.
00:39:02He's been a bad boy. Blew up a building he shouldn't have.
00:39:05And he's driving a van that's registered in your name.
00:39:08We own lots of vans. One of them was stolen not more than three days ago.
00:39:12Look, Lieutenant, I have nothing to hide.
00:39:15Maybe so, but I'm warning you, Hapsburg, you so much as sneeze and I'm gonna be there to wipe your nose.
00:39:21Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for the first door prize of the evening.
00:39:33An all expense paid trip to the Gilligan Islands.
00:39:38And to draw the first winner, we would like to ask our guest of honor, Dr. Albert S. Meinheimer.
00:39:51Here, let me help you with that.
00:39:52Well, that really wouldn't be necessary.
00:39:53Yeah, no trouble at all.
00:39:54I can't understand what's gotten into Frank.
00:39:56I'm afraid it's merely a case of jealousy, my dear.
00:40:00Who said it? You've got to wear all my gears down.
00:40:02I'm telling you, we shouldn't be putting it like this.
00:40:04The pegar.
00:40:05Oh!
00:40:06Oh!
00:40:07Oh, come on.
00:40:08Oh!
00:40:09Oh!
00:40:18Oh!
00:40:19Oh!
00:40:20Oh!
00:40:21Oh!
00:40:22Oh!
00:40:23Oh!
00:40:24No.
00:40:25Oh!
00:40:26Oh!
00:40:27Oh!
00:40:28Oh!
00:40:29Oh, oh!
00:40:31Oh!
00:40:32Oh!
00:40:33Oh!
00:40:34He certainly seems to get around marvelously.
00:40:47He does.
00:41:04Don't, don't!
00:41:34Frank!
00:42:03Jane, I just want to tell you that I'm sorry about what happened tonight.
00:42:08Oh, Frank.
00:42:10Jane, I need to talk to you. May I come in?
00:42:13Well, okay, but the place is kind of a mess.
00:42:16And I was just about ready to make a protein shake. Do you want some?
00:42:19No, thank you.
00:42:22Are you sure? I'm trying out a new recipe tonight.
00:42:26Jane, do you know what Dr. Meinheimer is going to say at the press club dinner tomorrow?
00:42:30Yes, he's going to endorse energy efficiency.
00:42:33And renewable energy like solar power.
00:42:35Who else knew that?
00:42:37Only me. And of course, I mentioned Dr. Quentin.
00:42:40And if the president were to adopt a national policy of supporting efficiency and solar energy,
00:42:44who would be the biggest loser?
00:42:46Well, coal, oil, and nuclear.
00:42:49Frank? Frank?
00:42:51Oh, Jane, just one more question.
00:42:55You once told me that Dr. Meinheimer had a photographic memory,
00:42:58yet tonight he never recalled meeting me.
00:43:02That's strange.
00:43:03But he has been under a lot of stress lately.
00:43:05Does he have any identifying marks?
00:43:08A scar, a mole, a tattoo, webbed toes, a third nostril?
00:43:13Well, he has a birthmark in the shape of Whistler's mother on his right buttock.
00:43:17I see. Well, have you noticed anything different about him?
00:43:23Well, only that he's a foot taller, and he seems to be left-handed now.
00:43:28Frank, what are you trying to tell me?
00:43:31That Quentin has somehow found an exact double for Dr. Meinheimer,
00:43:35and that tomorrow that double will give a fraudulent report to the president?
00:43:38Why, that's brilliant.
00:43:39That's a lot better than what I'd come up with.
00:43:42Frank, stop it. This is preposterous.
00:43:44Is there no end to your jealousy?
00:43:46Jane, you're hurting me.
00:43:48What more do you want from me?
00:43:50I use your phone?
00:43:51Local call?
00:43:52Yes.
00:43:53All right.
00:43:54If you'll excuse me, let's take my shower.
00:43:57The phone is in the other room.
00:43:59You can let yourself out.
00:44:00Goodbye.
00:44:19Give me Captain Ed Hawken, please.
00:44:21Ed, I'm under something big.
00:44:28I'm going to need you and Nordberg tomorrow.
00:44:31What's he doing in Detroit?
00:44:33We'll send him plane fare in a new pair of pants.
00:44:51You're out.
00:44:52You have to take a look and light.
00:44:534 people.
00:44:54What would you say?
00:44:55I'm wearing clothes.
00:44:56True.
00:44:57Right?
00:44:58Come here.
00:44:59ì•….
00:45:00That's a cute glass.
00:45:01If you have a cup, you're sitting up there.
00:45:02Like a snack.
00:45:03And you're missing a
00:45:21Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:45:51Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:46:21Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:46:23Ah!
00:46:24Ah!
00:46:26Ah!
00:46:28Ah!
00:46:29Ah!
00:46:31Ugh!
00:46:33Ugh!
00:46:35Ah!
00:46:40Oh.
00:46:41Hmm.
00:46:43Ugh!
00:46:45Uh-huh!
00:46:47Ahh!
00:46:48Ah!
00:46:49Ah!
00:46:50Ahh!
00:46:51Just as I suspected.
00:47:21On your feet!
00:47:51Hey, what the hell happened to the water breakers?
00:47:58Frank!
00:48:00Oh, I was so frightened.
00:48:05What happened out there?
00:48:06Nothing.
00:48:07There's nothing to worry about.
00:48:08But if I were you, I wouldn't leave until they've had a chance to shampoo the carpets.
00:48:13Who would want to kill you, Frank?
00:48:15Before tonight, only the cable company.
00:48:18But now I'm afraid it's one of Habsburg's goons who was carrying this.
00:48:23Habsburg Valdez?
00:48:25Oh, Frank.
00:48:26I feel like such a fool.
00:48:27I should have never doubted you.
00:48:28There.
00:48:29There.
00:48:30You had no way of knowing the man you were dating was a vicious murdering sociopath.
00:48:32Oh, Frank.
00:48:33We have to help Dr. Meinheimer.
00:48:34He's in danger.
00:48:35Yes.
00:48:36They'll probably torture him and then kill him.
00:48:38Oh, it's all my fault.
00:48:39They'll probably start by tearing out his toenails and move on to nose hair.
00:48:40Oh, no.
00:48:41What are we gonna do?
00:48:42My hunch is right.
00:48:43They're holding him hostage here.
00:48:44At their home club?
00:48:45What?
00:48:46No.
00:48:47No.
00:48:48No.
00:48:49No.
00:48:50No.
00:48:51No.
00:48:52No.
00:48:53No.
00:48:54No.
00:48:55No.
00:48:56No.
00:48:57No.
00:48:58No.
00:48:59No.
00:49:00No.
00:49:01No.
00:49:02No.
00:49:03No.
00:49:04No.
00:49:05No.
00:49:06No.
00:49:07No.
00:49:08No.
00:49:09No.
00:49:10No.
00:49:11No.
00:49:12No.
00:49:13No.
00:49:14No.
00:49:15No.
00:49:16No.
00:49:17No.
00:49:18No.
00:49:19No.
00:49:20No.
00:49:21No.
00:49:22No.
00:49:23No.
00:49:24No.
00:49:25No.
00:49:26No.
00:49:27No.
00:49:28No.
00:49:29No.
00:49:30No.
00:49:31No.
00:49:32No.
00:49:33No.
00:49:34No.
00:49:35No.
00:49:36No.
00:49:37No.
00:49:38I gave him you once, I can't do it again.
00:49:41Will you stay with me?
00:49:43Please.
00:49:45Oh, my love, my darling.
00:49:55I've hungered for your touch.
00:50:02Oh, lonely time.
00:50:13And time goes by so slowly.
00:50:24And time can do so much.
00:50:31Are you still mine?
00:50:42I need your love.
00:50:50I need your love.
00:50:56God, speak your love to me.
00:51:07And the sea is very still once more.
00:51:17So I'll rush to your side.
00:51:25Like the hour coming tight.
00:51:33With one burning fire.
00:51:42With your arms open wide.
00:51:50At last, we're face to face.
00:51:58If there's no use.
00:52:02Through any place.
00:52:06I can say.
00:52:10I can be.
00:52:16Oh, you are dreaming in time.
00:52:46Frank, I'm telling you, we've got no business doing this.
00:52:54All we've got is some dock pass at your hunch.
00:52:57You've marked my words, Ed, that Habsburg is up to something.
00:53:00Right up to his pretty important shirt collar.
00:53:06Couldn't have picked a better day for it.
00:53:08This fog will keep us concealed all the way over to Habsburg's warehouse.
00:53:12That's not fog, Frank. The number two engine's on fire.
00:53:14They're trying to put it out.
00:53:16All right, let's run through this one more time.
00:53:18At exactly 3.15, Nordberg will cut the power lines, knocking out the alarms.
00:53:22Yeah, right.
00:53:24Nordberg?
00:53:25Yeah, got it.
00:53:26I'll be in the van waiting for your signal.
00:53:28Are you all wired up?
00:53:29Yeah, right.
00:53:32When you hear me say, I love it, you guys move in.
00:53:37Check.
00:53:38Ready, Frank?
00:53:44The water's over there, Frank.
00:53:50Ah.
00:53:51Ah.
00:53:52Ah.
00:53:53Hexagon Oil Commercial Number One.
00:53:56Piloting today's giant oil tankers is a big responsibility.
00:54:04And that's why here at Hexagon's Tanker Captain Training School, future captains go through a rigorous instruction program.
00:54:11Then, through a complicated elimination process, we weed out those less qualified for the day-to-day operation of a half-million-ton single-hulled super tanker.
00:54:20Only the best will be allowed to take command of what is essentially a floating ecological time bomb.
00:54:26commercial two.
00:54:41Uh, just the way I like it.
00:54:45You know, someday, way in the future, the sun may be able to provide all our energy needs.
00:54:53But right now, it gives us a comfortable feeling to know that our home is being supplied by nuclear power.
00:55:00Oh, I know what you're thinking.
00:55:02But we're not worried, because we know that nuclear energy is safe.
00:55:06In fact, we kind of think of it as our friendly neighbor.
00:55:10But remember, our friend can't exist without huge government subsidies.
00:55:14So write your congressman and tell him to keep those government dollars rolling into nuclear power.
00:55:26It looks like I'm gonna have to find another way, Ian and Ed.
00:55:28They got killer guard dogs here.
00:55:30Do you read me?
00:55:31Loud and clear.
00:55:33Nordberg, how are we doing?
00:55:35We're at our destination.
00:55:41Ed, I'm gonna try the roof.
00:55:49Ed, I'm gonna try it again.
00:56:05Os Charles.
00:56:22Yeah.
00:56:23Ed, I'm gonna try it again.
00:56:26Okay, Nordberg, cut the power line.
00:56:36Right.
00:56:40Help!
00:56:41Help!
00:56:42Come in, Nordberg.
00:56:43Frank, you better hold on.
00:56:44We may have a problem here.
00:56:56Well, it's Lieutenant Drebben.
00:57:00You were supposed to have been killed last night.
00:57:05But now I think I'm going to enjoy doing it myself.
00:57:10It'll be slow and painful.
00:57:17What's that smell?
00:57:20Oh, that would be me.
00:57:22I've been swimming in raw sewage.
00:57:24I love it.
00:57:26I love it.
00:57:29That's the signal.
00:57:30Let's go.
00:57:33Must be stuck.
00:57:34Give me a hand.
00:57:36Ed, help me.
00:57:38Ed.
00:57:40Search him.
00:57:46I love it.
00:57:52He's wired.
00:57:53Tie him up.
00:57:58You'll never get away with this, Hasberg.
00:58:02Whatever it is.
00:58:03All right, I'll show you.
00:58:06Let me introduce you to some people.
00:58:10Of course you know Dr. Meinheimer.
00:58:14And you've met Earl Hacker.
00:58:16Oh, boy, you son of a...
00:58:18Ow!
00:58:19And then I'd like you to meet the Redmonds.
00:58:24Weekend guests from out of town.
00:58:27We're going to the press club dinner.
00:58:29Make sure nothing happens to Lieutenant Drebben until I come back.
00:58:33Then I want the pleasure of killing you myself.
00:58:37The pleasure is all mine.
00:58:45See you after the speech, Lieutenant.
00:58:55Mm-hmm.
00:58:56Mm-hmm.
00:58:57Mm-hmm.
00:58:58Mm-hmm.
00:58:59Mm-hmm.
00:58:59Mm-hmm.
00:59:00Mm-hmm.
00:59:00Mm-hmm.
00:59:01Mm-hmm.
00:59:02Mm-hmm.
00:59:03Mm-hmm.
00:59:04Mm-hmm.
00:59:05Mm-hmm.
00:59:26Mm-hmm.
00:59:28Mm-hmm.
00:59:29Mm-hmm.
00:59:32Mm-hmm!
00:59:33Oh, my God, get tired of me.
01:00:03Ah!
01:00:04Ah!
01:00:05Ah!
01:00:06Ah!
01:00:07Ah!
01:00:08Ah!
01:00:09Ah!
01:00:10Ah!
01:00:11Ah!
01:00:12Ah!
01:00:13Ah!
01:00:14Ah!
01:00:15Ah!
01:00:16Ah!
01:00:17Ah!
01:00:18Ah!
01:00:19Ah!
01:00:20Freeze!
01:00:21That's it!
01:00:22Freeze!
01:00:23Get over there!
01:00:24Don't move!
01:00:25Okay, flare out here!
01:00:26Good lord!
01:00:27Look at what they did to Dr. Meinheimer!
01:00:30You okay, Dr. Meinheimer?
01:00:32Ah!
01:00:33Ah!
01:00:34Ah!
01:00:35Ah!
01:00:36That's okay.
01:00:37Don't try to talk.
01:00:39Go by the window!
01:00:40Keep your cover.
01:00:41I just can't take this anymore.
01:00:45Garbage like you just makes me sick.
01:00:48Ed?
01:00:49Okay?
01:00:50I'm just John Q. Public now.
01:00:53It's just you and me.
01:00:56Mono amon.
01:00:58I'll teach you to pick on a helpless invalid.
01:01:02Ah!
01:01:03Ah!
01:01:04Ah!
01:01:05Ah!
01:01:06Ah!
01:01:07Ah!
01:01:08All right.
01:01:09All right.
01:01:10He's had enough.
01:01:11Somebody help the captain.
01:01:12We've got to get to that press club dinner.
01:01:14All right.
01:01:15This way.
01:01:16This guy's heavy.
01:01:17Mr. Sununu.
01:01:18Any predictions, Mr. Sununu?
01:01:19I don't think there'll be any surprises in Dr. Meinheimer's address.
01:01:20He'll most likely recommend the president continue our policy of oil dependency and more dollars
01:01:33for subsidizing nuclear power as I've often recommended myself.
01:01:36We'll have more on the press club dinner after this.
01:01:38Also, we'll have an update on the escaped zoo animals.
01:01:41I don't need to tell you men.
01:01:42This is probably the most important evening of my career.
01:01:44We can't afford any mistakes.
01:01:46And if you see Lieutenant Drebin or any of his police squad near these premises, I want them arrested on site.
01:01:53I told Jane to meet us at the hotel's rear entrance.
01:01:57Where's that, Frank?
01:01:58In the back.
01:01:59She's gonna unlock the doors at 730 sharp.
01:02:02What about Habsburg, Frank?
01:02:04We're just gonna have to hope that she can steer clear of them.
01:02:06Let's go.
01:02:23Why, Jane, what are you doing out here, the parties inside?
01:02:30Oh, Quentin.
01:02:32I was just getting a breath of fresh air.
01:02:39I grew up on Lake Erie.
01:02:41There's nothing quite like it.
01:02:42Well, I'm quite sure.
01:02:45But how fortunate to have found you here.
01:02:48Now you can join me at my table.
01:02:53Jane.
01:02:56Something must have happened to Jane.
01:02:57Hey, Bernardo, you got the keys?
01:02:59I have a better idea.
01:03:00Follow me.
01:03:01Your attention, please.
01:03:02Ladies and gentlemen, the National...
01:03:04Thousand points of light.
01:03:06Thousand points of light.
01:03:07Recession.
01:03:08Bad.
01:03:09Bad.
01:03:10Bad.
01:03:11Bad.
01:03:12Bad.
01:03:13Bad.
01:03:14Bad.
01:03:15Bad.
01:03:16Bad.
01:03:17Bad.
01:03:18Bad.
01:03:19Bad.
01:03:20Bad.
01:03:21Bad.
01:03:22Bad.
01:03:23Bad.
01:03:24Bad.
01:03:25Bad.
01:03:26Bad.
01:03:27Bad.
01:03:28Bad.
01:03:29Bad.
01:03:30Bad.
01:03:31Bad.
01:03:32Bad.
01:03:33Bad.
01:03:34Bad.
01:03:35Bad.
01:03:36Bad.
01:03:37Bad.
01:03:38Bad.
01:03:39Bad.
01:03:40Bad.
01:03:41Bad.
01:03:42Bad.
01:03:43Bad.
01:03:44Bad.
01:03:45Bad.
01:03:46Bad.
01:03:47Bad.
01:03:48Bad.
01:03:49Bad.
01:03:50Bad.
01:03:51Bad.
01:03:52Bad.
01:03:53La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
01:03:59Best ame
01:04:05Best ame mucho
01:04:10Each time I cling to your kiss
01:04:13I hear music divine
01:04:16Best ame
01:04:23Hey, Mucho.
01:04:27Hold me, my darling, and say that you'll always be mine.
01:04:33Frank, I think we'd better make our move.
01:04:36You're right, Ed.
01:04:37I'm thinking of something a little more up-tempo,
01:04:39like Guantanamera.
01:04:40No, I mean Hacker.
01:04:42Looks like he's getting ready to make a speech.
01:04:44Oh, right, Ed.
01:04:46I'll intercept Hacker.
01:04:47You get the doc prepared for his speech.
01:04:53Woah!
01:04:57Woah!
01:04:58Woah!
01:05:03Woah!
01:05:06Woah!
01:05:08Woah!
01:05:09Woah!
01:05:11Woah!
01:05:13Woah!
01:05:14Woah!
01:05:16Woah!
01:05:18Thank you, Dr. Meinheimer.
01:05:21Scheinheimer.
01:05:22Yes?
01:05:23Or should I say, hacker.
01:05:25Trevon!
01:05:30Look what he's doing to that man in the wheelchair!
01:05:33Can someone help?
01:05:34Yeah.
01:05:35Come on, guys.
01:05:36Let's get him.
01:05:38Give me a shot at him.
01:05:39Beat up a guy in a wheelchair, huh?
01:05:41We better get this man some first aid.
01:05:44You sit tight, mister.
01:05:48And I'm pleased and honored
01:05:50to be with you tonight
01:05:52on this historic occasion.
01:05:54Tonight, Dr. Albert Meinheimer,
01:05:56as he looks up to the future,
01:05:58no doubt has realized
01:05:59how our tremendous dependence on foreign oil
01:06:02has put a stranglehold on our national budget.
01:06:04So a lot of cuts have to be made.
01:06:06And some people are going to get hard.
01:06:09But we'll just keep cutting
01:06:11until we have an impact.
01:06:12And that's the only way
01:06:14we'll be able to move forward.
01:06:15And now I present to you
01:06:17Dr. Albert S. Meinheimer.
01:06:20Oh, my God.
01:06:38He can walk!
01:06:39He can walk!
01:06:40It's a miracle!
01:06:41Oh, I hate the first aid!
01:06:44Oh, hey!
01:06:45I can walk!
01:06:47I can walk!
01:06:48Get off me, you moron!
01:06:53Hey!
01:06:53Hey!
01:06:54Come back here!
01:06:57Ah, yes.
01:06:58I see everything seems to be okay now.
01:07:00So without further ado,
01:07:02I present to you once again
01:07:03the man who needs no more productive.
01:07:05The esteemed
01:07:07Dr. Albert S. Meinheimer.
01:07:10Hold it!
01:07:25Hold everything!
01:07:26Don't listen to this man!
01:07:28He's a fraud!
01:07:29And I can prove it!
01:07:30What do you think you're doing now?
01:07:32Because the real Dr. Meinheimer
01:07:34has a birthmark
01:07:35in the shape of Whistler's mother
01:07:36right here!
01:07:44Obviously, a forgery.
01:07:47We'll see about this.
01:07:51What happened?
01:07:52Hold it!
01:08:11Frank is right!
01:08:13There is a fraud in this room,
01:08:14but it's this man.
01:08:16Oh, Johnny!
01:08:17And he's just given us
01:08:20this signed confession
01:08:21implicating that man!
01:08:27No, no, no!
01:08:30That man!
01:08:31Quentin Habsburg!
01:08:35They're gone!
01:08:37Let's go!
01:08:38Let me go!
01:08:48Here we go!
01:08:50Come on, Frank!
01:08:51Hurry!
01:08:52Come on!
01:09:01Tonight, I intend to share with you
01:09:03my report on our need
01:09:05for a national policy
01:09:07based on energy efficiency
01:09:08and clean, renewable
01:09:10energy sources.
01:09:18Frank, over there!
01:09:23Take cover!
01:09:24Take cover!
01:09:37All right!
01:09:57Right here!
01:10:02Oh!
01:10:04Oh!
01:10:06Oh!
01:10:08Arthur!
01:10:10Cover me! I'm for you!
01:10:32Oh!
01:10:40All right.
01:10:42Where is Habsburg?
01:10:44Where are you hit?
01:10:46It's not that.
01:10:48You're on my groin.
01:10:50Oh, sorry.
01:10:52All right, now. Where is he?
01:10:54You're too late.
01:10:56Habsburg has plan B.
01:10:58In...
01:11:00In...
01:11:01Where?
01:11:03Where?
01:11:04All right.
01:11:05Who else is almost dead?
01:11:09Okay, now.
01:11:13Talk.
01:11:14You're too late, Drebin.
01:11:16He already said that.
01:11:17Where did he leave off?
01:11:18Uh, Habsburg has plan B in.
01:11:22Oh, yeah.
01:11:23Habsburg has plan B in...
01:11:26In...
01:11:27Where?
01:11:29Where talk, you low-life scum.
01:11:32Gee, if that's your attitude, forget it.
01:11:39I'm right here, Drebin.
01:11:45Drop your gun, Lieutenant.
01:11:47I believe you are inquiring about plan B.
01:11:55That's where we detonate a small nuclear device.
01:11:59Your Dr. Meinheimer can talk all he wants to.
01:12:02No one's gonna be left alive to hear it.
01:12:05Detonation sequence activated.
01:12:08I'm the only one who knows the abort code.
01:12:11In exactly ten minutes, this building and everyone in it will be reduced to a pile of rubble.
01:12:17I'll be safely on my helicopter.
01:12:20By this time tomorrow, I'll be hunting rhino in Botswana.
01:12:24What do you think of that, Drebin?
01:12:26Well, you certainly seem to be in touch with your anger.
01:12:31I don't care what you think, Drebin.
01:12:33You're not gonna talk your way out of this one.
01:12:35Go ahead.
01:12:36Threaten me like you have the American people for so long.
01:12:38But it's not going to work this time.
01:12:39You're part of a dying breed, Habsburg.
01:12:41Like people who can name all 50 states.
01:12:43Their truth hurts, doesn't it, Habsburg?
01:12:46Oh, sure.
01:12:47Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts.
01:12:52That's as far as you go, Drebin.
01:12:54Any final requests, Lieutenant?
01:12:57Yes.
01:12:58Can I have the gun?
01:13:01Oh, no.
01:13:02Not gonna fall for that one.
01:13:05Not so fast!
01:13:17Six minutes to detonation.
01:13:24All right, now talk.
01:13:27Give me that abort code.
01:13:28Okay.
01:13:29Okay, I'll talk.
01:13:30There's six nuns.
01:13:31I'm coming, Frank!
01:13:32Two, one, seven!
01:13:37Well, thanks a lot.
01:13:47You sure you're all right?
01:13:56I'm fine.
01:13:57Are you okay?
01:13:58I'm fine.
01:13:59But unless we can disarm this computer in under five minutes, this whole building is gonna
01:14:02blow.
01:14:03Oh, my God.
01:14:04We've gotta warn everybody.
01:14:05Yeah, right.
01:14:06Jane, you'd better go.
01:14:08No, Frank.
01:14:09I'm staying here with you.
01:14:11Jane.
01:14:12Frank, if you're going to be blown to bits, I wanna be here with you.
01:14:16Jane.
01:14:17I promise you, if we ever come out of this alive, I'll never let my police work interfere
01:14:26with our love again.
01:14:27Frank.
01:14:28Frank.
01:14:29The bomb.
01:14:30Come on, Lord Burke.
01:14:31Let's go.
01:14:32Four minutes to detonation.
01:14:33What are we gonna do?
01:14:34Operator's manual.
01:14:35See what you can find.
01:14:36Okay, okay.
01:14:37Let me see here.
01:14:38Oh, here we go.
01:14:39To reset detonation code.
01:14:40Okay, okay.
01:14:41Let me see here.
01:14:42Oh, here we go.
01:14:43To reset detonation code, first press pound sign.
01:14:48Per your command, the speed of this sequence has been greatly increased.
01:14:53Detonation now in two minutes.
01:14:56So, instead of spending $2.5 billion on research into nuclear waste disposal, the federal government,
01:15:07for only $500 million, or the cost of one B-1 bomber, could reduce the solar panel by 90%, as Albert Einstein once said.
01:15:23Hey, come on, wake up!
01:15:24Wake up!
01:15:25Wake up!
01:15:26Wake up!
01:15:27For that sake, wake up!
01:15:28Wake up!
01:15:29Wake up!
01:15:30Wake up!
01:15:31Wake up!
01:15:32Wake up!
01:15:33I'll get the lights.
01:15:34A highly prospective national energy plan.
01:15:36Now, to elaborate on point 102.
01:15:40Here, read this.
01:15:42It's an emergency.
01:15:43His strong manly hands probed every crevice of her silken femininity.
01:15:55Their undulating bodies writhing in sensual rhythm as he thrust his purple-headed warrior into her quivering mound of love pudding.
01:16:07All right.
01:16:08Listen up, everyone.
01:16:10I want you to calmly file towards the exits.
01:16:13That's it.
01:16:14That's it.
01:16:15Nobody runs.
01:16:16Just walk.
01:16:17Single file.
01:16:18That's it.
01:16:19Now, if we just stay calm, no one's gonna be harmed by the huge bomb that's gonna explode anymore.
01:16:25It's a cookbook!
01:16:26It's a cookbook!
01:16:27It's a cookbook!
01:16:28It's a cookbook!
01:16:29Fifty seconds.
01:16:30Two detonations.
01:16:31What are you gonna do?
01:16:32Fifty seconds.
01:16:33Jane, I've got my sleeves!
01:16:34Oh, no!
01:16:35Ten.
01:16:36Nine.
01:16:37Eight.
01:16:38I can't get it!
01:16:39Oh, dammit!
01:16:40Jane, my scissors!
01:16:41Okay.
01:16:42Five.
01:16:43Oh.
01:16:44Oh.
01:16:45Oh.
01:16:46Oh.
01:16:47Oh.
01:16:48Oh.
01:16:49Oh.
01:16:50Oh.
01:16:51Oh.
01:16:52Oh.
01:16:53Oh.
01:16:54Oh.
01:16:55Four.
01:16:56Three.
01:16:57Two.
01:16:58Let's get out of here!
01:16:59One!
01:17:00One!
01:17:01One!
01:17:03Wait!
01:17:04Look!
01:17:05You did it!
01:17:18Thank you, thank you.
01:17:20Thank you, Mr. President, for those kind words, but...
01:17:23It's all part of the job.
01:17:25Frank, I'd like you to consider filling a special post I'm gonna create.
01:17:29It may mean long hours, dangerous nights, and being surrounded by some of the scummiest elements in our society.
01:17:36You want me to be in your cabinet?
01:17:37You want me to be in your cabinet?
01:17:39No.
01:17:40No.
01:17:41No.
01:17:42I want you to head up a new Federal Bureau of Police Squad.
01:17:47A police squad.
01:17:48Yeah!
01:17:49Yeah!
01:17:50That's a great honor, Frank!
01:17:51It's what you've always wanted.
01:17:52Congratulations.
01:17:53Nice going.
01:17:55Thank you, Mr. President.
01:17:57Thank you, thank you.
01:17:58I'm very honored.
01:17:59This is something I've always dreamed of, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to turn down your offer, Mr. President.
01:18:16You see, I've learned something this past week about the Earth and about love.
01:18:24I guess love is like the ozone layer.
01:18:27You'd never miss it until it's gone.
01:18:30Blowing away a fleeing suspect with my .44 Magnum used to be everything to me.
01:18:36I enjoyed it.
01:18:37Well, who wouldn't?
01:18:41But now, I want to be known as the Environmental Police Lieutenant.
01:18:50I want a world where Frank Jr. and all the Frank Juniors can sit under a shade tree, breathe the air, swim in the ocean, and go into a 7-Eleven without an interpreter.
01:19:06I want a world where I can eat a sea otter without getting sick.
01:19:16I want a world where the Democrats will put somebody up there worth voting for.
01:19:25I may not get there with you, but most of all, I want a world where I can wake up each morning with this woman whom I love.
01:19:36James!
01:19:38James!
01:19:39James!
01:19:40Frank!
01:19:41James!
01:19:42Frank!
01:19:43Frank!
01:19:44James!
01:19:45Will you marry me?
01:19:46Yes, of course I'll marry you!
01:19:48We love Frank!
01:19:53We love Frank!
01:19:55We love Frank!
01:19:57Frank!
01:19:58One more picture!
01:19:59Turn around!
01:20:00We're here!
01:20:01Trying right now!
01:20:02Whoah!
01:20:03Whoa!
01:20:04Whoa!
01:20:05Whoa!
01:20:07Right.
01:20:08Right here!
01:20:09Right here!
01:20:10Right here!
01:20:11Let the throw!
01:20:12Out!
01:20:13Come on!
01:20:17Out!
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