Swiped Hooking Up in the Digital Age (2018) Full Movie HD

Magic Box

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Transcript

00:00:00Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020

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00:04:13und du fühlst dich das warm, faszinierend fühlst.

00:04:17Das wahrscheinlich nicht mehr passiert.

00:04:20Ich denke, wenn du jemanden diesen Tag hattest,

00:04:22du wirst wahrscheinlich blabelt als Psychopath.

00:04:35Wir haben wirklich zwei große Transitionen

00:04:38seit der Entwicklung der sozialen Monogamie,

00:04:40etwa 4-4.4 Millionen Jahre.

00:04:43Der erste große Transition war der Räumen der Agrarpolitik,

00:04:4710-15,000 Jahre.

00:04:49Und der zweite große Transition,

00:04:51ich denke, hat die Räumen der Internet.

00:04:54Und mit der Räumen der Internet,

00:04:56wir sind in evolutionärerlich unprecedenteden Wäste.

00:04:59Wir erleben eine Zeit,

00:05:01in der die Menschen mit uns beschäftigen,

00:05:05insbesondere um Probleme und Sex,

00:05:08in ways that are totally novel.

00:05:10Now, das ist nicht zu sagen,

00:05:11dass wir nicht aktivieren

00:05:13die biologischen Beziehungen

00:05:15von unseren Behörden,

00:05:17wie wir die Internet

00:05:18und wie wir die Technologie nutzen,

00:05:20um zu engagieren.

00:05:21Aber was es bedeutet,

00:05:22ist, dass es als Plattform

00:05:23es total novel ist.

00:05:25Es ist total unprecheinander.

00:05:27Eine kleine Katja,

00:05:29die Menschen mit einer

00:05:30Beziehungen zu der Zeit

00:05:31und Anregung auflösen,

00:05:32dass sie eine kleine Katja

00:05:34auf die Welt

00:05:48und die Menschen mit einer

00:05:50If a girl is very distinctly attractive, then that's a swipe right.

00:06:01If there are three girls and some of them are moderately attractive,

00:06:05then you go through and see who's who.

00:06:08Usually what will happen is I'll go through,

00:06:11and if I see a girl that I think is really attractive, swipe right.

00:06:16And if we match, then I go through and then I look at their profile.

00:06:19Because, I don't know, you can't really send, like, a chat-up line without anything to go off of.

00:06:24Let me show you.

00:06:25Because I don't know what this girl really looks like.

00:06:28She's got this kind of ambiguous profile.

00:06:30She's 18?

00:06:31Is she?

00:06:31Oh, I'm 22.

00:06:32They all blend together at some point.

00:06:40Hey.

00:06:41Hi.

00:06:42How are you?

00:06:42Good, how are you?

00:06:43Good. How'd you meet it?

00:06:45Oh, sorry, traffic was...

00:06:46Yeah, it was bedtime.

00:06:48Do you want coffee?

00:06:48Oh, sure.

00:06:49Where do you work?

00:06:50I work at an Italian restaurant.

00:06:52Nice.

00:06:52I'm a waitress.

00:06:53Yeah.

00:06:54Yeah, I had three dogs growing up,

00:06:56and a bunch of cats and chickens and cows and goats.

00:06:59I lived on a farm.

00:07:00Totally, yeah.

00:07:01That makes sense.

00:07:02Yeah.

00:07:02Oh, man.

00:07:03I, um...

00:07:04So, whenever I'm in a new class and it's like,

00:07:06what's your fun fact?

00:07:07My fun fact is always that I'm related to Pocahontas.

00:07:11What?

00:07:11Yeah, but that's an aside.

00:07:13And the other one is that I helped birth a goat on a farm once,

00:07:17and they named the goat after me.

00:07:18That's very cool.

00:07:20Tell me about your puppy.

00:07:21Her name is Maya.

00:07:22Nice.

00:07:23Named after Maya Angelou.

00:07:24That's what I was going to guess.

00:07:25Yeah.

00:07:26So, do you play any instruments or do any art or...?

00:07:28No, I think that, um...

00:07:30This is going to sound super pretentious and lame,

00:07:32but I think I'm, like, an artist.

00:07:34I just don't make a lot of art.

00:07:35Yeah.

00:07:35So, I have to go meet my friends,

00:07:36but I really want to do this again.

00:07:38Yeah, for sure.

00:07:39Excellent.

00:07:39Hey, I'll text you.

00:07:40Thanks for having me.

00:07:40Yeah, oh, thank you.

00:07:41Glad you're talking to me.

00:07:42Yeah.

00:07:43I'll talk to you soon.

00:07:44Yeah, talk to you soon.

00:07:45Bye.

00:07:49Hey, dude, what are you doing?

00:07:52Like, have you guys had dates where you go and you, like...

00:07:55Like, the conversation's good,

00:07:57but you know it's not going to go anywhere?

00:07:58Mm-hmm.

00:07:59It was kind of like that.

00:08:00Yeah, it was like a friendly date.

00:08:01Yeah, like, you know that...

00:08:02Like, you're looking for an end

00:08:04to progress the conversation

00:08:05into something more, like, intimate

00:08:07or, like, sexual or something,

00:08:09and it just never really happened.

00:08:10I think you take Tinder a lot differently

00:08:12than other people,

00:08:14uh, based on, like, the first interaction,

00:08:17being at a coffee house instead of your house,

00:08:20or...

00:08:21Yeah.

00:08:21Or, hey, meet me at this alley.

00:08:22Yeah, yeah, exactly.

00:08:23Open the door for her.

00:08:24Yeah, that is indicative

00:08:26of a different intention, definitely, definitely.

00:08:29Because, Eli, I think most of your Tinder dates,

00:08:31yeah, take place in the...

00:08:32The physical, real quick.

00:08:34In the home.

00:08:35Yeah.

00:08:36We evolved in the context of small groups,

00:08:40where, say, ranging from 50 to 150 individuals.

00:08:44In small group living

00:08:45with limited geographical mobility,

00:08:48you would have only encountered perhaps

00:08:50a few dozen potential mates

00:08:52in your entire lifetime.

00:08:54So, what's weird is that we take this,

00:08:58you know, small group mating psychology

00:09:00where we're...

00:09:01The number of potential mates is very limited

00:09:03and transplant it to the modern world

00:09:05where we have thousands and thousands

00:09:08of potential mates

00:09:09that we could keep swiping through.

00:09:11And it triggers this short-term mating psychology

00:09:16in a way that never would have been triggered ancestrally.

00:09:19I have just a funny perspective on it

00:09:21because we used to be roommates.

00:09:24And really, just the funny part was

00:09:26it was just out of the blue.

00:09:27There was never any discussion of it.

00:09:30But, you know, it would just be

00:09:31a completely normal Tuesday night at 9 p.m.

00:09:34and there'd be a knock on the door

00:09:37and I'd answer the door

00:09:37and it would be a girl I'd never seen before.

00:09:40And you'll be like,

00:09:41oh, this is my friend.

00:09:42Here we go.

00:09:43Yeah.

00:09:44So, it was very casual, you know?

00:09:45Yeah, I remember that.

00:09:47It was all of September.

00:09:49every single day I'd be on Tinder,

00:09:52maybe like 10, 20 swipes a day.

00:09:54It's all the numbers game.

00:09:56So, like once a week,

00:09:58pretty much on a Tuesday night

00:10:00because I remember my Wednesday class

00:10:03always being so happy in that class.

00:10:05Yeah.

00:10:19I have always wanted to, you know,

00:10:24have that like super cute romantic thing

00:10:26where like I'm at a bookstore

00:10:28and this really cute stranger

00:10:30like bumps into me

00:10:31and I'm like, oh my God, I'm so sorry.

00:10:32And we have this like really sweet,

00:10:34simple exchange

00:10:35and then we part ways

00:10:36and we come back together later.

00:10:37And I feel like that doesn't really,

00:10:42it doesn't really happen anymore.

00:10:44I think what's so refreshing about it

00:10:45is just that someone

00:10:47would put themselves out there

00:10:48in person.

00:10:49I think there's a vulnerability

00:10:51that people use social media

00:10:53to hide behind now

00:10:55and not have to do that

00:10:56in person interaction

00:10:57where they can be rejected.

00:10:59And he did that,

00:11:00which I think is so much more attractive.

00:11:04It's also just like oddly flattering

00:11:05then as opposed to,

00:11:06because I had a Tinder for two days

00:11:07and I got like a lot of hits

00:11:09in that time,

00:11:10but it was people just being like,

00:11:11hey, what's up?

00:11:12You want to hang out tonight?

00:11:13And I'm like,

00:11:14I don't know who you are.

00:11:15You can't completely know a person

00:11:17when all you know of them

00:11:18is behind a screen.

00:11:19Right.

00:11:20Like as much as you want to think

00:11:21that you know about them,

00:11:22you don't know their habits,

00:11:23you don't know like all those

00:11:25tiny little things.

00:11:26And also the thing about that

00:11:27is you get to choose

00:11:28what you share.

00:11:29I'm very aware of the sort of

00:11:31pressure and the need

00:11:34to like be manicured

00:11:37and like beautiful

00:11:38and have like a uniform

00:11:39Instagram feed

00:11:40that people will want to follow

00:11:42and pay attention to.

00:11:43I'm constantly haunted by FOMO.

00:11:45I can easily fall into rabbit holes

00:11:47where I'll spend hours

00:11:48just like scrolling through blogs

00:11:51that have these pictures

00:11:52of like beautiful, beautiful women

00:11:53that I'm never going to be

00:11:54and like these houses

00:11:56and these clothes

00:11:57and these vacations

00:11:59that I'm never going to have.

00:12:00I don't have the greatest self-esteem,

00:12:02which is something

00:12:03I've been trying to work on,

00:12:04which is another reason

00:12:06why I've been trying

00:12:07to sort of like step back

00:12:08from spending so much time online.

00:12:13Okay, swipe right.

00:12:16Okay, sexually provocative.

00:12:19Showing breast cleavage.

00:12:26The duck lip shot.

00:12:28Because you see the picture,

00:12:30it tends to swamp

00:12:32all the other information.

00:12:34In the past, you did find out

00:12:35you knew about

00:12:36the person's education.

00:12:39You spent some time with the person

00:12:40so you found out

00:12:41about his personality.

00:12:42Is he emotionally stable?

00:12:44Is this person dependable?

00:12:45How intelligent are they?

00:12:47How worldly are they?

00:12:49And now, with the dating apps,

00:12:51physical appearance

00:12:52overwhelms all that other information

00:12:55and takes on

00:12:56a disproportionately large role,

00:12:58I think, in mating.

00:13:00When we look at dating apps

00:13:01and we see the pictures

00:13:03that people are posting,

00:13:04the ways they're presenting themselves,

00:13:05what's very interesting

00:13:06is that the men tend

00:13:08tend to present themselves

00:13:09in very stereotypically male ways

00:13:12as providers,

00:13:14as fishing,

00:13:15as hunting,

00:13:15as they're up on a mountain

00:13:17or, you know,

00:13:18they're puffing their chests,

00:13:19they look like they're cut,

00:13:20they have these perfect bodies,

00:13:22whereas women

00:13:23present them,

00:13:24tend to present themselves

00:13:25in more sexual ways.

00:13:26And this goes back

00:13:27to the basics,

00:13:29you know,

00:13:29the old Barbie and Ken culture.

00:13:31Wait, one of the worst accounts

00:13:32of the guys looking

00:13:34for the swole mates.

00:13:36Oh, God.

00:13:37I hate the swole mate

00:13:38fucking profile.

00:13:40Oh, my God.

00:13:41Oh, my God.

00:13:42I love that.

00:13:43I love that.

00:13:44And I just want to know,

00:13:45guys are out fishing

00:13:46and they're like,

00:13:47I just caught this

00:13:48big-ass trout.

00:13:50Bro, will you take a photo

00:13:51of me with this fish?

00:13:52I really need it

00:13:53for my Tinder profile.

00:13:54Can you just, like,

00:13:55help me out, bro?

00:13:56Breasts, friendliness,

00:13:58breasts,

00:13:59breast and friendliness.

00:14:00You get the pucker.

00:14:01Yeah, because sex sells.

00:14:02Sex always sells.

00:14:03Go back to anything ever

00:14:04and sex always fucking sells.

00:14:06And I hate it.

00:14:07I hate it.

00:14:08I hate it.

00:14:08And I also hate the fact

00:14:09that, like,

00:14:10we live in this world now

00:14:11where everything

00:14:13and so much of what you are

00:14:15is so dependent

00:14:15on how you look.

00:14:17And, like, I hate...

00:14:19I'm getting really emotional

00:14:20about this.

00:14:21It's like, I hate...

00:14:22Sorry.

00:14:30What's up, guys?

00:14:32Today, I'm going to be

00:14:33rating people

00:14:34on their hotness.

00:14:35We'll call it

00:14:35Howl Hot.

00:14:37Seven, fucking ten.

00:14:38Yeah, eight.

00:14:39Like a five.

00:14:408.5.

00:14:41Bro.

00:14:43That's like a

00:14:43blue-legged Ariana Grande.

00:14:46For Corey,

00:14:47we got nine.

00:14:48For Madison Beer,

00:14:50we got 6.5.

00:14:51Bro, what's heavier?

00:14:52Her or the couch, bro?

00:14:53Oh, my God.

00:14:54Fucking ten.

00:14:55Dead.

00:14:56That's one hot-looking girl.

00:14:57So, if there's an opportunity

00:15:03to see women

00:15:05as body parts

00:15:06or sexual objects

00:15:07instead of as whole

00:15:08human beings,

00:15:09that opportunity

00:15:10will be taken.

00:15:11And I would say

00:15:12that the whole setup,

00:15:14the whole structure,

00:15:14the whole architecture

00:15:15of dating apps

00:15:16that depend on

00:15:18split-second decisions

00:15:19of are you hot or not

00:15:20is one of the ways

00:15:22that that is being exploited.

00:15:23What was FaceMash

00:15:25and is it still up and running?

00:15:27You know, Congressman,

00:15:29FaceMash was a prank website

00:15:31that I launched

00:15:32in college

00:15:33in my dorm room.

00:15:35Silicon Valley,

00:15:36you've got to understand

00:15:36that there's a lot

00:15:37of the companies

00:15:38are started by boys.

00:15:39They're not men.

00:15:39They're boys, right?

00:15:41And one of the reasons

00:15:42for that is because

00:15:43they all go to

00:15:44the same schools together,

00:15:45to Stanford or Harvard

00:15:46or whatever it is, right?

00:15:48And they all live

00:15:49in the boys' dorms

00:15:50and they sit around

00:15:51on their computers,

00:15:53nerding out,

00:15:53and they say,

00:15:55wouldn't it be cool

00:15:55if you had this thing

00:15:56way you could do this thing?

00:15:57And then something

00:15:59inevitably ends up

00:16:00becoming a company

00:16:02and it's all the boys,

00:16:04the bros,

00:16:05that go and build

00:16:06these apps together

00:16:07and these sites together

00:16:08and that's predominantly

00:16:10why it is the way it is.

00:16:26We were looking for different areas

00:16:30that had disruption available,

00:16:33places that hadn't jumped

00:16:34into the mobile market so well.

00:16:36We were very focused

00:16:36on mobile first,

00:16:38mobile only,

00:16:39and we saw the dating market

00:16:42as one of those things.

00:16:43The dating industry

00:16:44was extremely shunned upon

00:16:46in the young, hip,

00:16:48millennial college market.

00:16:49If you looked at any

00:16:50of those other dating services,

00:16:52you would only really use them

00:16:53if you were,

00:16:55I don't want to say desperate,

00:16:56but almost desperate, right?

00:16:58The idea of a one-click sign-on,

00:16:59which was a natural outgrowth

00:17:01of mobile phones

00:17:02and social networks,

00:17:03was the idea

00:17:04that you can take contacts

00:17:06that already exist for a user.

00:17:08So their Facebook profile

00:17:09already exists,

00:17:10they can just plug that in,

00:17:11their location

00:17:11is already being fed out

00:17:13by the GPS

00:17:14on their mobile phone,

00:17:15their friend network

00:17:16is already mapped out

00:17:17by Facebook.

00:17:18And so it was a lot easier

00:17:20to just click a button.

00:17:21We know everything

00:17:21we need to know

00:17:22about you already

00:17:23and we can start introducing

00:17:24you to the right people

00:17:25instantly.

00:17:26And it became so easy,

00:17:28it was like,

00:17:29why wouldn't you do it?

00:17:30I wrote the original application,

00:17:32the iPhone application,

00:17:34and I also came up

00:17:37with the swipe.

00:17:38The swipe mechanic

00:17:39really was the mechanic

00:17:41that worked for

00:17:42a mobile generation

00:17:43who had short attention spans,

00:17:45was always on their

00:17:46three and a half inch screens.

00:17:48And yeah,

00:17:49I think it worked.

00:17:50We have 1.5 billion swipes a day.

00:17:53And I know a long time ago

00:17:54in the early days,

00:17:55I think I had figured out

00:17:56if it was,

00:17:57if the average swipe

00:17:58or something was,

00:17:59I don't know,

00:18:00like an inch or something.

00:18:01I can't remember

00:18:02how many times

00:18:03you could wrap around

00:18:04the Earth

00:18:05with the number of swipes.

00:18:06And that was a long time ago.

00:18:08So I'm, you know,

00:18:09we might be on our way

00:18:09to Mars now or something.

00:18:11I'm not sure.

00:18:16I'll never forget

00:18:20the very first time

00:18:21I really took Tinder

00:18:23to a university.

00:18:26I landed on the SMU campus.

00:18:27I went into the sorority houses.

00:18:29And I basically got up

00:18:31on those tables,

00:18:32stood up on a chair,

00:18:33screamed over hundreds

00:18:35of girls eating dinner,

00:18:37and pretty much imposed Tinder

00:18:39onto every single phone.

00:18:40and then I ran

00:18:42as fast as I could

00:18:43with my, you know,

00:18:44fun, enthusiastic girlfriends,

00:18:46two or three of them.

00:18:47And we went into

00:18:48the frat houses

00:18:49and we had already

00:18:50put the women on the app,

00:18:51right?

00:18:52So we went into

00:18:52the frat houses

00:18:53and we said,

00:18:54guys, attention, listen up.

00:18:55You know, it's really hard

00:18:56to get that attention

00:18:57during feeding time,

00:18:58right, at the frat house

00:18:59because this is

00:19:00the chapter meeting,

00:19:01so it's dinner time.

00:19:02And we basically said,

00:19:03you know,

00:19:04every, every kappa,

00:19:06every pi phi,

00:19:06every theta,

00:19:07they're, they're on this app

00:19:09and they're waiting

00:19:09for you to match with them.

00:19:11Download it, download it,

00:19:12download it.

00:19:22Plainfield is exactly

00:19:25how it sounds.

00:19:27Just like a lot

00:19:28of plain fields.

00:19:33It was very hard

00:19:35growing up here

00:19:36as like a black girl

00:19:38because it's like

00:19:40such a predominantly

00:19:41white town

00:19:43and it's such

00:19:44a small town.

00:19:45Like me and my sister

00:19:46were probably

00:19:47two of the only ones

00:19:51when we first like

00:19:52started going to public

00:19:53school in Plainfield.

00:19:55I was like boy crazy

00:19:57in high school,

00:19:58but none of them,

00:19:59like they were all

00:20:00intimidated by me.

00:20:02I really thought

00:20:03I would never actually

00:20:04like date ever.

00:20:06I probably used

00:20:07every dating app

00:20:08like ever made

00:20:10except for like

00:20:12Grindr

00:20:13and that's,

00:20:13you know,

00:20:14because I'm straight.

00:20:15I remember when

00:20:16I was like 21,

00:20:17I was bored one summer

00:20:19and I wanted to like

00:20:20try OkCupid

00:20:21because like I lived

00:20:22at home,

00:20:23didn't have a car.

00:20:24I was like,

00:20:24hell else am I

00:20:25supposed to do?

00:20:26Oh, might as well

00:20:27just like work

00:20:28a dating app.

00:20:29It'll be fun.

00:20:29Hold on,

00:20:30what was your name?

00:20:30Everybody,

00:20:31I'm not telling you

00:20:33my name.

00:20:33It's the best name

00:20:35you have to say.

00:20:35Fine, I don't care.

00:20:36You told me this

00:20:37like forever ago

00:20:37and I think.

00:20:38My name was

00:20:39Miss Barry

00:20:40on there.

00:20:42Yeah,

00:20:43because it was like

00:20:44right when I cut my hair

00:20:46and I was,

00:20:47I was feeling myself.

00:20:49I had somebody send me

00:20:50a 14 page message

00:20:53of just vulgarity.

00:20:55I can't even,

00:20:56I can't even say

00:20:57what was said on there.

00:20:59Mostly I don't remember

00:21:00but it was something

00:21:01about farting down

00:21:02somebody's throat.

00:21:03I feel like

00:21:04on dating sites

00:21:04it gets like overly

00:21:06sexualized sometimes

00:21:07just because people

00:21:07automatically just

00:21:08want to have sex with you.

00:21:09Like all the guys

00:21:10on there,

00:21:10they're not looking

00:21:11for shit but hookups

00:21:13and like quick

00:21:15that night hookups.

00:21:16Like if they want

00:21:17to schedule a date

00:21:18it has to,

00:21:20it's probably that night

00:21:21and they're probably

00:21:22going to try

00:21:23to have sex

00:21:23with you that night.

00:21:25Here's how you get

00:21:26treated as a black woman

00:21:27when you're in a dating

00:21:27site.

00:21:28Either they don't want

00:21:28to fuck with you

00:21:29because you're black.

00:21:30I don't know why

00:21:30that freaks so many

00:21:31people out.

00:21:31Or you're so exotic

00:21:33because you're black.

00:21:34I've never fucked

00:21:34a black girl before.

00:21:35No, like they never

00:21:36seen a black woman

00:21:37before.

00:21:38They say no blacks,

00:21:39no fats,

00:21:40no like,

00:21:42it's just like that.

00:21:43Like it's exactly

00:21:45like that.

00:21:45If you're chubby,

00:21:46they be like,

00:21:46no fat women,

00:21:48no black,

00:21:49no Latinos,

00:21:49only white,

00:21:51only 18 to 25.

00:21:52I feel like I,

00:21:53I can't be myself

00:21:55or I don't want to like

00:21:59let them into like

00:22:01who I really am

00:22:03because I don't trust

00:22:04them.

00:22:04And like,

00:22:05I just don't want

00:22:06to get like,

00:22:09I don't know,

00:22:09my emotions like played

00:22:11with and crushed.

00:22:12So it's better to keep

00:22:13it out of it

00:22:14because they're not worth

00:22:15it unless they are.

00:22:16I think that guys

00:22:20are way more harsh

00:22:21than they've ever

00:22:21been before.

00:22:22I think they think

00:22:23they deserve perfect

00:22:24tens and they're not

00:22:25even, okay,

00:22:26they are not even

00:22:26a ten themselves.

00:22:27That's what I'm saying.

00:22:28And that's what's

00:22:29really messed up.

00:22:30But women are like

00:22:31that too.

00:22:32No.

00:22:32Not nearly as much.

00:22:34Women, they try.

00:22:34I feel like they're

00:22:35like more critical

00:22:36and it gives them

00:22:37unrealistic expectations

00:22:38because you got

00:22:39the bombshell bra on,

00:22:41a face full of makeup,

00:22:42the weave or the wigs

00:22:44or some shit.

00:22:45Yeah.

00:22:45And when all that

00:22:46comes off,

00:22:47then once they see

00:22:48the natural you,

00:22:49then they're not even

00:22:49attracted to you anymore.

00:22:51I feel like for guys

00:22:52like the social media,

00:22:55the dating sites like

00:22:56Tinder and OkCupid,

00:22:57it's like a catalog

00:22:58for them because you

00:22:59have all these girls,

00:23:01hundreds, millions

00:23:01of girls.

00:23:02You have all different

00:23:04red pictures to choose

00:23:05from.

00:23:06Like they can just

00:23:07go through possibilities.

00:23:15So I went on Tinder

00:23:31about a year ago

00:23:32and it became

00:23:35like an easy thing.

00:23:36I'm just like,

00:23:36oh, I'll lay in bed,

00:23:38I'll wake up and

00:23:39it's like a little

00:23:42mini adrenaline rush

00:23:43every time you do it.

00:23:44A common symptom

00:23:45with a lot of the girls

00:23:46I went on dates with

00:23:47was I was the rebound guy.

00:23:50So if I went on a date,

00:23:51it would come out

00:23:52until like a couple

00:23:52weeks later

00:23:53where they would either

00:23:53ghost me

00:23:54or they would just

00:23:55be like,

00:23:57oh, well,

00:23:57this happened

00:23:58and I'm in love

00:24:00with that guy

00:24:00and I just broke up

00:24:01with my boyfriend

00:24:02and then that

00:24:04and then once

00:24:05that happened

00:24:05then they would

00:24:06go away.

00:24:14So after that

00:24:15I kind of wised up

00:24:16to the fact

00:24:18that this might

00:24:18be like a thing.

00:24:20So in the course

00:24:21of my Tinder messaging

00:24:23I might have like

00:24:2420 different text

00:24:25messages going on

00:24:26and each one of those

00:24:28you kind of like

00:24:28keep following

00:24:29and that's the thing

00:24:31that comes into

00:24:31multi-messaging

00:24:32because some women

00:24:33could do it to you

00:24:33or you do it

00:24:34to some women.

00:24:37I think I deleted it

00:24:38and then I re-downloaded it

00:24:39because I was feeling lonely

00:24:41and that's when

00:24:44it kind of like

00:24:45that phrase,

00:24:47you know,

00:24:47when it rains,

00:24:48it pours.

00:24:51It got to the point

00:24:52where I might have

00:24:54this one friends

00:24:55with benefits

00:24:55over here

00:24:56and then I would

00:24:57go on a date

00:24:57with that girl

00:24:58and develop another

00:25:00friends with benefits

00:25:01with that girl

00:25:01and then all of a sudden

00:25:03it became like

00:25:04this girl's Monday

00:25:04that I'll switch that

00:25:06around and like

00:25:07figuring out my schedule

00:25:08for all these

00:25:09different women.

00:25:10There was one bar

00:25:11in particular

00:25:11that would bring

00:25:12some of these women

00:25:13I knew the bartender

00:25:14and he'd be like,

00:25:16hey,

00:25:16is this like

00:25:16a date tonight?

00:25:18I was like,

00:25:18yeah,

00:25:19he's like same girl.

00:25:19I'm like,

00:25:20not exactly.

00:25:23I would find myself

00:25:24walking,

00:25:24like bumping into people

00:25:25and just like right,

00:25:26right,

00:25:26left,

00:25:27right.

00:25:28It's like a little

00:25:28video game.

00:25:36Gamification is

00:25:37turning an experience

00:25:38that is not a game

00:25:39into a game.

00:25:40So giving it

00:25:41all the elements

00:25:41of a game,

00:25:42things like points

00:25:43that say you have

00:25:44done this well.

00:25:45You know,

00:25:45like when you're

00:25:46playing a slot machine,

00:25:47the machine will tell you

00:25:48when you've won

00:25:48with ringing bells

00:25:49and flashing lights

00:25:50and a lot of the apps

00:25:51we use now

00:25:52have elements

00:25:53of that built-in

00:25:53even when they

00:25:54aren't really

00:25:55about games.

00:25:57We've had some

00:25:58of these almost

00:25:58game-like elements

00:26:00where you almost

00:26:00feel like you're

00:26:01being rewarded.

00:26:02It kind of works

00:26:02like a slot machine

00:26:03where you're

00:26:04one,

00:26:05you're excited

00:26:07to see

00:26:08who the next person

00:26:09is or hopefully

00:26:10you're even excited

00:26:11to see,

00:26:12did I get the match

00:26:13and get that

00:26:14it's a match screen

00:26:15and that's

00:26:16a nice little rush.

00:26:17You get a match

00:26:18on Tinder

00:26:18and your screen

00:26:19just pops.

00:26:20It's this huge

00:26:20like visual stimulation.

00:26:22Super bizarre.

00:26:24And that's

00:26:25got to be intentional.

00:26:26Like it feels good.

00:26:27Ooh.

00:26:29You know.

00:26:32I had several classes

00:26:34in college

00:26:35that we learned

00:26:36about this

00:26:37from my business

00:26:37management courses

00:26:38to psych courses.

00:26:40I think if I remember

00:26:41it's called

00:26:41the variable ratio

00:26:43or intermittent

00:26:45reward schedule

00:26:47or something like that.

00:26:49where it is

00:26:50it's the

00:26:51having unpredictable

00:26:54yet frequent

00:26:55rewards

00:26:57is the best way

00:26:58to motivate somebody

00:26:59to keep moving forward.

00:27:02There's a very famous experiment

00:27:03run in the early 1970s

00:27:05with some white pigeons

00:27:06and the pigeons

00:27:07learned to peck

00:27:08a little light

00:27:09and when they pecked

00:27:10they got food.

00:27:11And so these pigeons

00:27:12live in a box

00:27:13and they just keep

00:27:13pecking the light

00:27:14and they get food.

00:27:14but the experimenter

00:27:16had a couple

00:27:16of different ways

00:27:17of rewarding them.

00:27:18So some of them

00:27:19every 10 pecks

00:27:19they got a certain

00:27:20number of food pellets

00:27:21and then they ate

00:27:22and others

00:27:23every 10 pecks

00:27:25sometimes they got food

00:27:26and sometimes they didn't.

00:27:27But it turns out

00:27:28that the pigeons

00:27:28that gambled

00:27:29that effectively pecked

00:27:30but may not get a reward

00:27:31they were the ones

00:27:32who were much more engaged

00:27:34even to the point

00:27:35where they weren't hungry

00:27:35anymore

00:27:36they pecked

00:27:36because it was just

00:27:37fun to play the game.

00:27:38So you know

00:27:39in the same sense

00:27:40these apps

00:27:41that give you

00:27:41this kind of variable feedback

00:27:43rather than consistent

00:27:44predictable feedback

00:27:44they have this built-in mechanism

00:27:47for being addictive

00:27:48in the same way

00:27:48that a gambling device

00:27:49is addictive.

00:27:50There is a good example

00:27:51of how you can move

00:27:52from the pigeon

00:27:55to the human case

00:27:56because one of the

00:27:57one of the schedules

00:27:58which is very effective

00:27:59with rats or pigeons

00:28:00is what we call

00:28:02a variable ratio schedule

00:28:03and that is at the heart

00:28:05of all gambling devices

00:28:07and has the same effect.

00:28:09The pigeon can become

00:28:09a pathological gambler

00:28:11just as a person can.

00:28:21It's a match.

00:28:22It's like

00:28:22Jack was a little surprised.

00:28:25Then you can do more

00:28:26then you get to

00:28:27then you unlock

00:28:28the ability to message them.

00:28:29It's true.

00:28:31And it feels good

00:28:32or you can go back

00:28:33and test your luck again.

00:28:34Yeah, it's true.

00:28:36Man, it's so weird

00:28:37because yeah

00:28:38it really is a game.

00:28:40As someone

00:28:41who is female-bodied

00:28:42I actually don't identify

00:28:43as a woman or girl.

00:28:47I identify as non-binary

00:28:48so I am trans in that way

00:28:51that although my body

00:28:53is assigned female

00:28:54I identify more

00:28:55outside of that.

00:28:56I think there's a lot

00:28:56of pressure

00:28:57when you're using it

00:28:58knowing that like

00:28:59I don't know

00:29:00knowing that like

00:29:01people on there

00:29:02they're like men

00:29:03seeking women

00:29:04and then you're part

00:29:05of a stack of like

00:29:07women

00:29:07and that people

00:29:08like the guys

00:29:10that you might want

00:29:11to date

00:29:11like date

00:29:12stereotypically feminine

00:29:14like gender role

00:29:16conforming people

00:29:17and there's a lot

00:29:18of pressure.

00:29:18Oh my god

00:29:19when people's profiles

00:29:20when they're like

00:29:22like I don't like

00:29:24I don't fuck

00:29:24with crazy bitches

00:29:25or something

00:29:26or it's like

00:29:27If you're not trying to fuck

00:29:28swipe left

00:29:29and I'm like

00:29:30not trying to fuck

00:29:31We all know why we're here

00:29:32it's like but you don't

00:29:33know me

00:29:34yeah like trying to be

00:29:35like the cool

00:29:36like yeah I'm kind of

00:29:38like I'm like bad

00:29:39hookup sex is bad

00:29:41and um

00:29:42for me personally

00:29:44like there

00:29:44there has to be

00:29:46more intimacy

00:29:47to sex

00:29:48it can't

00:29:49you know

00:29:50there has to be

00:29:50this connection

00:29:51there has to be

00:29:52this thing

00:29:53that I think

00:29:53is really cool

00:29:54about the other person

00:29:55and you don't get that

00:29:57when you talked

00:29:59on tinder for a day

00:30:00they're like

00:30:01oh why don't you

00:30:02come over

00:30:03like we'll smoke

00:30:04like we can sit

00:30:06on my bed

00:30:07and like listen

00:30:08to records

00:30:08I'm like okay

00:30:09that's bullshit

00:30:10but like whatever

00:30:11like okay

00:30:12I know what this is

00:30:13and you show up

00:30:14and it's uncomfortable

00:30:15you kind of go in

00:30:17with this understanding

00:30:18and I think a lot

00:30:18of people go into

00:30:20these situations

00:30:20kind of feeling

00:30:21obligated to

00:30:22I know that's

00:30:23something that I

00:30:24feel a lot

00:30:25where you're going

00:30:26over and it

00:30:27doesn't really matter

00:30:27if you're in the mood

00:30:28that day or not

00:30:29because you're going

00:30:30over like to have

00:30:31sex and you never

00:30:33have enough time

00:30:34to establish

00:30:35some chemistry

00:30:36you just like

00:30:37start making out

00:30:39and then like

00:30:40you have this

00:30:41sex where they

00:30:43and it's always

00:30:44you know like

00:30:45it's typically

00:30:46first encounters

00:30:47unless you see

00:30:48this person

00:30:48as a hookup

00:30:49regularly afterwards

00:30:50but like

00:30:51they don't know

00:30:52what you like

00:30:53you don't know

00:30:53what they like

00:30:54they're doing something

00:30:55and you're like

00:30:56that's kind of weird

00:30:57and I'm sure

00:30:58I do the same

00:30:59thing for them

00:31:00and

00:31:01yeah

00:31:03yeah

00:31:05the dating apps

00:31:09how they play

00:31:11into the sexual

00:31:12compulsive behavior

00:31:13and the sex addiction

00:31:14is because of

00:31:15the accessibility

00:31:16of so many partners

00:31:18at any given moment

00:31:19I think compulsive

00:31:20behavior is really

00:31:21about the high

00:31:22not about a pleasure

00:31:23it's two different

00:31:24things isn't it

00:31:25to employ

00:31:26with pleasure

00:31:26it really

00:31:27you kind of need

00:31:29to connect

00:31:29with your

00:31:30with yourself

00:31:31and to be connected

00:31:33and present

00:31:33with yourself

00:31:34and it really involves

00:31:35real connection

00:31:36on some level

00:31:37with yourself

00:31:38and another

00:31:39I've always been

00:31:45clear with what

00:31:46I've wanted

00:31:46on those dating apps

00:31:48and I've gotten

00:31:49what I've wanted

00:31:50and again

00:31:52I feel like

00:31:53that's made me

00:31:54a stronger person

00:31:54being able to say

00:31:55this is what I want

00:31:56this is what I don't

00:31:57for the most part

00:31:58people have

00:31:59extremely respected

00:32:00what I've told them

00:32:01and maybe that's

00:32:02because a lot of the

00:32:03time I was saying

00:32:04I want casual sex

00:32:05and guys were like

00:32:07yeah

00:32:08I'm okay with that

00:32:09but I don't know

00:32:10if you know

00:32:11if you're not clear

00:32:13with what you want

00:32:13you're not going to

00:32:14get what you want

00:32:15I think

00:32:16it's not good

00:32:18to generalize

00:32:19but we do see

00:32:22in the data

00:32:22differences

00:32:23in the way

00:32:23that men

00:32:24and women

00:32:24use these services

00:32:25in the way

00:32:26of how selective

00:32:26they are

00:32:27in the way

00:32:28that they reflect

00:32:29their intentions

00:32:29for what they're

00:32:30looking for

00:32:30it's just

00:32:30true that men

00:32:32and women

00:32:33taken as groups

00:32:35think about

00:32:35these things differently

00:32:36that doesn't mean

00:32:37all men

00:32:38are looking for

00:32:38a hookup

00:32:39it doesn't mean

00:32:39all women

00:32:40are looking

00:32:40for a relationship

00:32:41but on the whole

00:32:43a majority of women

00:32:44are looking

00:32:45pretty much exclusively

00:32:46for a relationship

00:32:47on these services

00:32:47and a majority

00:32:49of the men

00:32:49are primarily

00:32:51looking to hookup

00:32:52and you can say

00:32:53that that isn't

00:32:55so different

00:32:56than just like

00:32:56society at large

00:32:58but I do think

00:32:59the way that

00:33:00these services

00:33:00are designed

00:33:01sort of like

00:33:02tips the scale

00:33:02and culture

00:33:03towards hookups

00:33:04and sort of

00:33:06gives men

00:33:07or gives those

00:33:08looking for hookups

00:33:09the upper hand

00:33:10essentially

00:33:11in this new world

00:33:12and at 4am

00:33:13I got a text message

00:33:15that went

00:33:17something like

00:33:19hey you

00:33:21wake up

00:33:22time to come

00:33:23sit on my face

00:33:24now

00:33:25are you looking

00:33:27for me

00:33:29I'm looking

00:33:31for someone

00:33:32where can you be

00:33:35someone

00:33:36hi I'm Maurice

00:33:37I'm an executive

00:33:38by day

00:33:39and a wild man

00:33:40by night

00:33:40I'm looking

00:33:41for the goddess

00:33:42are you the goddess

00:33:43who is the goddess

00:33:45the goddess

00:33:46is the woman

00:33:47is a woman

00:33:48is any woman

00:33:49but what I'm not

00:33:50looking for

00:33:51is some big

00:33:53overgrown monster

00:33:54that's always

00:33:55thinking about food

00:33:56a figure that is

00:33:57sexy

00:33:58slim

00:33:58tight

00:33:59excellent legs

00:34:00if you think

00:34:03if you think of

00:34:03courtship

00:34:03as something

00:34:04that has always

00:34:05existed

00:34:05what's really

00:34:07new about

00:34:07dating

00:34:08is that it

00:34:08takes courtship

00:34:09away from

00:34:10private spaces

00:34:11sort of away

00:34:12from the home

00:34:13away from family

00:34:14and explicitly

00:34:15puts it in

00:34:16market spaces

00:34:17so it puts it

00:34:18in places

00:34:19where people

00:34:20spend money

00:34:20and consume

00:34:21and I would

00:34:22argue that

00:34:23in a way

00:34:23maybe is the

00:34:24most distinctive

00:34:24change

00:34:25and that means

00:34:26that from 1900

00:34:27onward

00:34:28or from the

00:34:28invention of

00:34:29dating onward

00:34:30dating is

00:34:31shaped by

00:34:32market dynamics

00:34:33to me

00:34:34the real

00:34:35turning point

00:34:35or watershed

00:34:36is when you

00:34:37start having

00:34:37mobile dating apps

00:34:38so that everyone

00:34:39has it on their

00:34:39phones

00:34:40the effect of

00:34:41mobile dating apps

00:34:42is to feel like

00:34:42we can be dating

00:34:43all the time

00:34:44and that you

00:34:45should always be

00:34:45putting yourself

00:34:46out there

00:34:47always kind of

00:34:48promoting your

00:34:49product

00:34:49and I think

00:34:50that also takes

00:34:50away from the

00:34:51ability to just

00:34:51relax and enjoy

00:34:52because it's

00:34:53hard work

00:34:54that self

00:34:55presentation

00:34:55stuff

00:34:56which we all

00:34:56have to do

00:34:57when we're

00:34:57using dating

00:34:58apps

00:34:58and online

00:34:59dating

00:35:00it's all

00:35:00self presentation

00:35:01it's all

00:35:01self work

00:35:02it's all

00:35:02self consciousness

00:35:03it's all

00:35:04performing

00:35:05and when you

00:35:06go on lots

00:35:06of dates

00:35:07you have to do

00:35:07that again

00:35:08and again

00:35:09and again

00:35:09I usually

00:35:10delete it

00:35:10after I've

00:35:11been on

00:35:11a few bad

00:35:12dates

00:35:13or I'm

00:35:13just sick

00:35:14of constantly

00:35:15getting messages

00:35:16from people

00:35:16I'm over

00:35:17weeding

00:35:18through all

00:35:19of this

00:35:20bullshit

00:35:20that I get

00:35:21those hundreds

00:35:22of messages

00:35:23a day

00:35:23I'm like

00:35:24this is

00:35:24exhausting

00:35:24this is

00:35:25taking a lot

00:35:26of effort

00:35:26it's taking

00:35:27a lot

00:35:27of time

00:35:28this is

00:35:28actually

00:35:29like work

00:35:29right now

00:35:30just in like

00:35:31economic terms

00:35:32if you have

00:35:33a surplus

00:35:33of options

00:35:34then the value

00:35:35goes down

00:35:36I could see

00:35:37a Tinder profile

00:35:38that I'm like

00:35:39excited about

00:35:40if I met that

00:35:41person in real life

00:35:41I would have

00:35:42this like

00:35:42sense of urgency

00:35:43but I think

00:35:44on Tinder

00:35:44if I see

00:35:45that profile

00:35:45well then

00:35:46I just swipe

00:35:46one way or another

00:35:47I'm just swiping

00:35:48and then there's

00:35:49somebody else

00:35:50immediately

00:35:50you know

00:35:52it is this

00:35:53application

00:35:54of the logic

00:35:55of consumer

00:35:56capitalism

00:35:56to private

00:35:57life

00:35:57and this

00:35:58sort of

00:35:59way that

00:35:59romantic

00:35:59and sexual

00:36:00desire

00:36:00used almost

00:36:01as like

00:36:02a lure

00:36:02to get you

00:36:02to keep

00:36:03consuming

00:36:04maybe we don't

00:36:05think of it

00:36:05as part of the

00:36:06economy

00:36:06because a lot

00:36:06of apps

00:36:07are free

00:36:07but what

00:36:08you're doing

00:36:09when you

00:36:09swipe and swipe

00:36:11you know

00:36:11swipe up

00:36:12and super

00:36:12like

00:36:13or whatever

00:36:13it is

00:36:14is

00:36:14you are

00:36:15providing valuable

00:36:16data

00:36:16to IAC

00:36:18in that case

00:36:18or to whatever

00:36:19corporation owns

00:36:20owns the app

00:36:22in question

00:36:23the quicker

00:36:27that you can go

00:36:28from A to B

00:36:29the more people

00:36:30are going to use

00:36:31that service

00:36:31and that's how

00:36:32they make money

00:36:33so if they can

00:36:34help you get laid

00:36:35quicker

00:36:35by you paying

00:36:36for some feature

00:36:37that allows you

00:36:38to engage

00:36:38with someone

00:36:38more or faster

00:36:39with a better

00:36:40emoji

00:36:41whatever

00:36:41that's how

00:36:42they're going

00:36:42to make money

00:36:43and so

00:36:43the thing

00:36:45that's so frustrating

00:36:46is when you

00:36:46you hear

00:36:47these dating apps

00:36:47talk about

00:36:48well

00:36:48all these people

00:36:49have gotten married

00:36:50on our app

00:36:51it's like

00:36:52no

00:36:52that's not

00:36:53why you're doing this

00:36:54I get inundated

00:36:55like every day

00:36:56with people

00:36:58thanking us

00:36:59for getting married

00:37:01on Tinder

00:37:01or meeting their

00:37:02best friend

00:37:02or whatnot

00:37:03and that's a beautiful thing

00:37:04do you have data

00:37:05on how many people

00:37:06who've met on Tinder

00:37:07have gotten married

00:37:08or been in

00:37:09committed relationships

00:37:09we do not have

00:37:10that information

00:37:11available

00:37:12but I can tell you

00:37:13that I am inundated

00:37:14with emails

00:37:14on a daily basis

00:37:15as are multiple members

00:37:16of the customer service team

00:37:18the PR team

00:37:19from people who said

00:37:19I met my best friend

00:37:21on Tinder

00:37:21I met somebody

00:37:22who I am dating

00:37:23and now living with

00:37:24I met a man

00:37:25who I'm going to marry

00:37:26I met this guy

00:37:27two years ago

00:37:27we married a year ago

00:37:28and we're having a baby

00:37:29it's incredible

00:37:31the number of people

00:37:32who met via Tinder

00:37:32some people do use it

00:37:35to have more

00:37:36casual relationships

00:37:37I mean it is used

00:37:38that way as well

00:37:39certainly

00:37:40people meet people

00:37:41at church

00:37:41or meet people

00:37:42at their schools

00:37:45and they have

00:37:46casual relationships

00:37:46with them as well

00:37:47it's meeting

00:37:48you can meet somebody

00:37:49in any context

00:37:50and have a casual

00:37:50relationship with them

00:37:51that's why they can't get a relationship

00:38:14we're finding out

00:38:15we're helping y'all

00:38:16but you know what

00:38:17this old man

00:38:18he told me

00:38:19he said

00:38:19the fruit

00:38:20on the top

00:38:22of the tree

00:38:22is the best

00:38:23freshest fruit

00:38:25he said

00:38:25you always want

00:38:27to have to reach

00:38:28to get what you want

00:38:29he said

00:38:30the fruit

00:38:31at your foot

00:38:32on the ground

00:38:33you don't want that

00:38:34the fruit

00:38:35that's throwing itself

00:38:36at you

00:38:36leave it alone

00:38:38am I telling the truth

00:38:39hello

00:38:40I think

00:38:43people

00:38:44older people

00:38:45like their 50s

00:38:46and 40s

00:38:46they don't really get

00:38:47what it means to date now

00:38:49and they kind of

00:38:49don't understand

00:38:50like of course

00:38:51we want to like

00:38:52get married

00:38:53and have kids

00:38:53and stuff

00:38:54but it's not that

00:38:55you can't get yourself

00:38:56pregnant

00:38:56and marry yourself

00:38:58I don't know

00:38:58what y'all problem is

00:39:00because I've never

00:39:01had a problem

00:39:01we didn't have social media

00:39:03right

00:39:03and we had to go out

00:39:05we had to meet people

00:39:06we went to games

00:39:07parties

00:39:08and you know

00:39:10guys wanted to date you

00:39:12they wasn't like

00:39:13oh I want to date you

00:39:14you you you and you

00:39:15I think the social media

00:39:18is an issue

00:39:19because like

00:39:21when I was coming up

00:39:22you had to actually

00:39:24get out to socialize

00:39:25in person

00:39:26where here you can go

00:39:28on Facebook

00:39:29and the Snapchat

00:39:30or whatever that is

00:39:31Twitter

00:39:32and so I see a lot

00:39:34of their interactions

00:39:35is through

00:39:36devices

00:39:37as opposed to

00:39:39social interacting

00:39:40do you go to museums

00:39:42what a classy place

00:39:43I got the club

00:39:45so

00:39:45everybody here

00:39:46everybody here

00:39:47met their boyfriend

00:39:48at a bar or a club

00:39:48he's not my boyfriend

00:39:49he's not my boyfriend

00:39:50but we've been dating

00:39:51for three years

00:39:52so you're not

00:39:53in a committed relationship

00:39:54or a situationship

00:39:55yeah

00:39:55but like

00:39:56what does that mean

00:39:57a situationship

00:39:58is pretty much

00:39:59when like

00:40:00people are together

00:40:01and they

00:40:03I don't want to say

00:40:04committed

00:40:04they're sleeping

00:40:06with each other only

00:40:06I guess you could say

00:40:07they're sleeping

00:40:08with each other

00:40:08and acting like

00:40:09they're dating each other

00:40:10but they're not

00:40:10boyfriend and girlfriend

00:40:11they're not dating

00:40:12and that's a situationship

00:40:14to me that's friends

00:40:15with anything

00:40:16I don't

00:40:16I didn't ask him

00:40:17to make me his girlfriend

00:40:17I didn't

00:40:18what if I didn't want

00:40:19to be my boyfriend

00:40:19but wouldn't it be a commitment

00:40:20if you guys are exclusive

00:40:21we're still like

00:40:23I feel like as a young woman

00:40:25and I'm still trying

00:40:25to like get my money

00:40:27like I want to go back

00:40:28to grad school

00:40:28you don't want to be like

00:40:29tied down

00:40:30it's not about being tied down

00:40:32it's about still having

00:40:34exclusive

00:40:34but you say you're not

00:40:37committed

00:40:37but you're not sleeping

00:40:39with someone else

00:40:39yeah we're monogamous

00:40:40but don't that mean

00:40:42commitment

00:40:42guys say that a lot

00:40:44they want girls

00:40:44who would benefit

00:40:45through situationships

00:40:46or whatever

00:40:46and they don't want

00:40:47committed relationships

00:40:48a lot of girls

00:40:49want committed

00:40:49I want a boyfriend

00:40:50I don't want a fuck buddy

00:40:51yeah me either

00:40:53I don't want a

00:40:54sexual relationship

00:40:55either

00:40:56or whatever the hell it is

00:40:57I don't want that either

00:40:58I want if I'm gonna be

00:41:00seeing a man

00:41:01and I'm especially

00:41:01if I'm gonna be

00:41:02having sex with them

00:41:03I at least want

00:41:04to be the title

00:41:05of a girlfriend

00:41:06boys are just gonna be

00:41:07single forever

00:41:08I believe in you

00:41:09who surrendered

00:41:10there's no way

00:41:12about you

00:41:13so dating

00:41:26is changing

00:41:28because of a dating app

00:41:29but dating is also changing

00:41:30because of the internet

00:41:31I have a friend

00:41:31that once said to me

00:41:32the entire internet

00:41:33is a dating app

00:41:34because you know

00:41:35there are things

00:41:36that you do

00:41:36if you're interested

00:41:37in someone

00:41:38if you like someone

00:41:39on Twitter

00:41:40you can't you know

00:41:41swipe right on them

00:41:42but you can start

00:41:43hearting all their

00:41:44or their tweets

00:41:45or replying to them

00:41:46or you know

00:41:47whatever it is

00:41:47sharing their articles

00:41:48that they like

00:41:49and these are things

00:41:50that happen on

00:41:51every single platform

00:41:52if you don't know

00:41:53the person

00:41:54and they're liking

00:41:55all your stuff

00:41:56they want to fuck

00:41:57so you find a guy

00:42:04on social media

00:42:05you show him

00:42:06to all your girls

00:42:06your girls approve

00:42:08say he's cute

00:42:09so you go through

00:42:10you like some of his pictures

00:42:12but you have to be

00:42:12very smart about

00:42:13which pictures you like

00:42:14though

00:42:14then it has to be

00:42:16spaced out

00:42:17at like a good increment

00:42:18do your research

00:42:19make sure he doesn't

00:42:20have a girlfriend

00:42:20tag photos

00:42:21always go through

00:42:22his tag photos

00:42:23tag photos

00:42:24let you know

00:42:24everything about somebody

00:42:26that's the real truth

00:42:28about someone

00:42:29who he's around

00:42:30what he really gets into

00:42:33things like that

00:42:34so after that

00:42:36you follow him

00:42:37so you let that go by

00:42:39he'll usually follow you back

00:42:40because I mean

00:42:41we're all bad as fuck

00:42:42so most people

00:42:43follow us back

00:42:44and then that's when

00:42:45the game really starts

00:42:45so that's when you play

00:42:47like this mind game

00:42:48with each other

00:42:48and you're like

00:42:49for a few days

00:42:49you're liking each other's pictures

00:42:51doing these little comments

00:42:52and things like that

00:42:53and heart eyes

00:42:55and like

00:42:55you do the little eye emojis

00:42:57there's two different eye emojis

00:42:58there's like the small ones

00:42:59and there's like

00:43:00the individual eye emojis

00:43:01and then

00:43:03by like day five

00:43:05maybe less

00:43:07you wake up

00:43:09and he's in your DMs

00:43:10he DM'd you

00:43:11yes

00:43:11and at that point

00:43:13you start chit chatting

00:43:15and it's like

00:43:15hey

00:43:16you know

00:43:16blah blah blah

00:43:17then you get the number

00:43:18so you start texting

00:43:19boom boom boom

00:43:20there's always a move

00:43:21in New York

00:43:22I'm gonna see you at this move

00:43:23you link up at the move

00:43:25catch the twerk real quick

00:43:27and then that's that

00:43:28and then it is

00:43:30men in New York

00:43:30stress me out so much

00:43:32they stress me out

00:43:33this is why

00:43:34I don't have a boyfriend

00:43:35guys will have

00:43:36one girlfriend

00:43:37per network

00:43:38yep

00:43:39I'll see a dude

00:43:39all over one girl's Instagram

00:43:41a different girl

00:43:42all over Twitter

00:43:42a different girl

00:43:43all over Facebook

00:43:44have a different bitch

00:43:45on Snapchat

00:43:46yes

00:43:47yes

00:43:47doesn't go into your deep

00:43:49darn teeters

00:43:50like back to high school

00:43:51she looks you up

00:43:53cause they always use

00:43:54the excuse of

00:43:55oh but that's not my girl

00:43:56oh I'm not sleeping with her

00:43:58oh we don't even talk like that

00:44:00and the thing is

00:44:01you never really know

00:44:02you never know

00:44:03he could have her number

00:44:04saved under Papa John's

00:44:05how to catch your man cheating

00:44:07a savvy cheater may be using less obvious ways to communicate with the person they're cheating with

00:44:13for example Instagram messages, Twitter direct messages or snaps on Snapchat

00:44:18you can't trust anyone these days

00:44:20it's sad but true

00:44:21I like bagged this one dude at this function and then like he kept messaging me on Snapchat

00:44:26like come to Queens or I'm trying to see you or blah blah blah

00:44:30but I found his Instagram

00:44:31I'm just I was on it that evening

00:44:33I found it in like 15 minutes

00:44:35and he has a whole ass girlfriend

00:44:37and then there was another occasion with a dude that I was actually like talking to and hooking up with

00:44:42who had an entire relationship as well

00:44:44and I didn't know until I went through his tagged photos on Instagram

00:44:47and this is one recurring like recurring thing that I've dealt with for the last three years

00:44:51you have type one

00:44:53the dude who literally has his girl in like half of his photos

00:44:56and is like my girl is my everything

00:44:58I love this woman

00:44:59very passionate romantic

00:45:00and he'll be the first one in your DMs begging you to come to his house

00:45:04at an ungodly hour trying to smoke you out

00:45:06buy you drinks

00:45:07have sex with you

00:45:08with his girlfriend stuff all over his apartment

00:45:10but he's so in love with her on social media

00:45:12it's like my first time really getting my heart broken

00:45:15I'm like it's all coming back

00:45:16because it's like

00:45:17it happened for the first time like last year

00:45:19when it first happened

00:45:21I like

00:45:21that's the most I cried ever

00:45:24but like I've never felt that low

00:45:28in my entire life

00:45:29ever

00:45:30I feel like he treated me like I was an object almost

00:45:37this one sounds so lame

00:45:39it reminded me of like Nora from a doll's house

00:45:42like

00:45:43I was this

00:45:45trophy girlfriend

00:45:48with the cool clothes

00:45:51and a lot of followers on Instagram

00:45:53and I was a trendy DJ

00:45:55and I was just cool to be with

00:45:57but I don't think he genuinely

00:45:59really really wanted me

00:46:02when I was I was a kid like

00:46:17Sharon Stone you know in 1995

00:46:20would be just like up on a pedestal

00:46:22and so inaccessible to me

00:46:23and now the current ver-

00:46:25you know the current version of that

00:46:26is like okay she's just uh

00:46:27she's just a swipe away

00:46:28or she's just a message away

00:46:29so Instagram is full of beautiful women

00:46:31pretty girls

00:46:32poppin' celebrities

00:46:33and a lot of you guys are like

00:46:35hey let me shoot my shot

00:46:36but don't know how to do it

00:46:38rise and shine you cock knobs

00:46:39I'm teaching you how to slide into DMs

00:46:41which just means directly messaging someone

00:46:43trying to get their phone number

00:46:44and or trying to get their genitals

00:46:46smashed up against yours

00:46:47after a couple of drinks

00:46:48historically men who did have

00:46:52a lot of sexual access to women

00:46:53tended to be higher in status

00:46:56what you have is what I call

00:46:58Clark Kent syndrome

00:46:59you have these guys

00:47:01who may be mild-mannered in real life

00:47:04but doesn't everybody want to be Superman

00:47:06and this culture allows these guys

00:47:11who may their whole lives feel insignificant

00:47:14and you know certainly I'm not saying

00:47:16all of them feel this way

00:47:17to feel powerful

00:47:19and what's the most powerful situation

00:47:21is being aggressive

00:47:24especially sexually aggressive

00:47:25I just got a dick pic the other night

00:47:27from like my friend's baby's daddy

00:47:30exactly any guy will send you

00:47:31any stupid shit on there

00:47:32that's what I'm saying

00:47:33when you get a dick pic

00:47:34that like you are not requesting

00:47:36honestly it's like a violation

00:47:37like if I'm refusing

00:47:38to see your penis in real life

00:47:41I don't want to see it

00:47:42in a digital version

00:47:44we're about to see it

00:47:45is this the line?

00:47:51oh no

00:47:51oh is that the line?

00:47:54he's like hitting me with dick

00:47:55he's smacking you with dick

00:47:57ew

00:47:58so enter Bumble

00:48:05what is Bumble

00:48:06and how does it strive to

00:48:07actually tackle this

00:48:09this broken system of heteronormativity

00:48:11well if you think about the way

00:48:14in which men and women

00:48:15generally connect

00:48:17or the way that they're raised to connect

00:48:19starting at a very young age

00:48:20boys are taught to be

00:48:23the aggressor

00:48:24go get her

00:48:25Bumble looks at that dynamic

00:48:27and says you know what

00:48:28only women are going to make

00:48:29the first move

00:48:29and why?

00:48:31why are we going to do that?

00:48:32because women can't have a voice

00:48:34they are allowed to make the first move

00:48:36they are allowed to go after what they want

00:48:37and in turn it takes all this pressure

00:48:39and this insecure reactive

00:48:42you know aggression

00:48:43away from the masculine side

00:48:46because now the woman reaches out

00:48:48you've just solved half of

00:48:50half of this predisposed problem

00:48:53he doesn't have to be geared up

00:48:56to react

00:48:57to the rejection

00:48:58right

00:48:59so you've taken away the rejection

00:49:01and you've replaced it with flattery

00:49:03so there's this idea that Bumble

00:49:05somehow fixes the mistakes

00:49:06that Tinder has made

00:49:07I honestly don't see

00:49:09how it does that

00:49:11now the rule is

00:49:11oh the man doesn't have to lift a finger

00:49:13to even type you out

00:49:14a three word message

00:49:15because he's not allowed to

00:49:16so once again

00:49:18like women are shouldering

00:49:19so much more of the burden

00:49:21of dating

00:49:22the communication work

00:49:23the emotions work

00:49:24all that stuff

00:49:25the admin

00:49:26Bumble is just codifying

00:49:28that women have to do more work

00:49:30no

00:49:31no

00:49:32okay

00:49:32yeah

00:49:33there you go

00:49:35there's a match

00:49:35I said I'm only in Brooklyn

00:49:37for 12

00:49:38for 12 hours

00:49:40if you wanted to meet up

00:49:42then let's do this

00:49:43and then he says

00:49:46are you

00:49:46then he says

00:49:47are you trans

00:49:49are you trans

00:49:50then I say

00:49:53what the fuck

00:49:54lol

00:49:56I'm down to fuck

00:49:58but can't tonight

00:49:59meet me Tuesday or Wednesday

00:50:01in Manhattan

00:50:03so

00:50:05that's Bumble for you

00:50:08that is Bumble

00:50:10for you

00:50:11uh yeah

00:50:13so this is my girlfriend Alex

00:50:21and I met her on tinder

00:50:25and her tagline was

00:50:27stoned in the bath

00:50:28eating clementines

00:50:29that's B

00:50:30hook line and sinker

00:50:33fell for it

00:50:33he was sleeping with five girls a week

00:50:35on tinder

00:50:36and then what

00:50:37and then he met me

00:50:38I mean in our case

00:50:41it just kind of happened

00:50:42and like

00:50:42the more time we spent together

00:50:44I was like man

00:50:44I'm like this chick is really cool

00:50:45and

00:50:46it kind of just materialized

00:50:49and I'm like you know

00:50:49well now I like really like

00:50:50hanging out with her more

00:50:51and like in that best friend

00:50:53kind of quality

00:50:53rather than just

00:50:54like the hit it and quit it

00:50:56or

00:50:56hit it and quit it

00:50:58so

00:50:58given that

00:50:59we have discussed

00:51:01because Alex

00:51:02is what

00:51:02I guess you can define

00:51:03as heteroflexible

00:51:04so

00:51:07given that

00:51:09we have been

00:51:10uh

00:51:12you like

00:51:14experimenting with

00:51:15having a third

00:51:15just so it feels like

00:51:17there's not some sort of

00:51:19restraint

00:51:20or

00:51:21constriction

00:51:22like on the relationship

00:51:23also it's fun

00:51:24because

00:51:25then we get to like

00:51:26we get to like

00:51:28play with tinder again

00:51:29so you guys

00:51:30swipe together now

00:51:31on tinder

00:51:32yeah we have like a joint

00:51:33on tinder

00:51:33and on okcupid

00:51:35we have a

00:51:36we have a joint

00:51:36okcupid account

00:51:38oh she's so beautiful

00:51:39oh well

00:51:40maybe not

00:51:41she works out

00:51:43homegirl has too many tattoos

00:51:45homegirl has too many cats

00:51:47weird eyebrows

00:51:48she's like

00:51:50my type

00:51:51but not your type

00:51:52no I would

00:51:52I would do her

00:51:53we like

00:51:54big boobs

00:51:55if you look

00:51:58at our previous generation

00:51:59or the generation before

00:52:00it's like

00:52:00you meet someone

00:52:02in your hometown

00:52:02you date them

00:52:04you're like your high school

00:52:05sweetheart

00:52:05you date them

00:52:06and that's the only person

00:52:07that you've really been with

00:52:08and that kind of monogamy

00:52:11is like super scary

00:52:12it can go on

00:52:13for like 60 years

00:52:14in like a vanilla

00:52:15type of existence

00:52:18and it's super bland

00:52:20and then you die

00:52:21so

00:52:21praising

00:52:23the whole swiping

00:52:25fad that's going on now

00:52:27is it introduces you

00:52:28to people that you may

00:52:29never have crossed paths with

00:52:30could we see each other

00:52:31doing this forever

00:52:32I don't know

00:52:33I mean definitely

00:52:36not past 60

00:52:37not past 60

00:52:40I mean I was thinking

00:52:41like not past

00:52:42I'm 27

00:52:44so not past 30

00:52:46oh okay

00:52:48one thing we do know

00:53:05is that with the rise

00:53:06of the internet

00:53:06many people that

00:53:07previously had a hard time

00:53:09connecting

00:53:09can now find someone else

00:53:11so for instance

00:53:12in our data

00:53:13where we know

00:53:13that over a third

00:53:14of people have met

00:53:15someone through the internet

00:53:16that number is even higher

00:53:18for gay men

00:53:19and lesbian women

00:53:20and if you think about it

00:53:21in many places

00:53:23it might be easy enough

00:53:24for a gay man

00:53:25or a lesbian woman

00:53:26to meet someone to date

00:53:27but in many places

00:53:29throughout the United States

00:53:30it might not be that easy

00:53:31if you're talking about

00:53:32a population

00:53:33that is a minority group

00:53:34in this case

00:53:35a sexual minority group

00:53:37you then have to find

00:53:38someone else

00:53:39that meets the same criteria

00:53:41and that might be

00:53:41kind of hard

00:53:42and on top of that

00:53:44in many places

00:53:45in the US

00:53:45it still might not be

00:53:47all that safe

00:53:48for a gay man

00:53:48or a lesbian woman

00:53:49to walk into a bar

00:53:50and try and pick someone up

00:53:52so the internet

00:53:53has allowed people

00:53:54of so many different

00:53:55walks of life

00:53:56to find each other

00:53:58to connect with each other

00:53:59and possibly start dating

00:54:02and have a relationship

00:54:03we met on Grindr

00:54:05when he first moved here

00:54:06explain Grindr

00:54:07Grindr is a gay dating app

00:54:09mostly used for sex

00:54:10it's a grid

00:54:12it's a grid

00:54:12of pictures

00:54:13of guys

00:54:14in your area

00:54:15ranked by

00:54:16how close they are

00:54:17and lots of torsos

00:54:20I don't know

00:54:20whenever you told

00:54:21straight people

00:54:22about Grindr

00:54:22two years ago

00:54:23I mean they were like

00:54:24wow crazy

00:54:26like do you do that

00:54:26all the time

00:54:27you're like

00:54:27no

00:54:28but it is a thing

00:54:29because

00:54:29it's harder for us

00:54:31to meet people

00:54:31I don't know

00:54:31it's so funny

00:54:32because men

00:54:32that label themselves

00:54:33as straight

00:54:34and then they just put

00:54:35like a headless torso

00:54:36and they're like

00:54:37oh I'm on the DL

00:54:38but I'm like

00:54:38are you really

00:54:39if you're on this app

00:54:40and then there's people

00:54:41on Grindr

00:54:42who are like

00:54:42anon

00:54:43like they don't

00:54:43show their face

00:54:44they don't want

00:54:45to know a name

00:54:45they just want

00:54:46like you'll get

00:54:47those messages

00:54:47that are like

00:54:48uh

00:54:49depending on

00:54:51if you're the top

00:54:52or the bottom

00:54:53it's like

00:54:54you can just walk in

00:54:55and I'll be like

00:54:56blindfolded on all fours

00:54:57and you just

00:54:58fuck me

00:54:58and then leave

00:54:59I had a couple of friends

00:55:00who would get just

00:55:01almost zombified

00:55:03looking at the phone

00:55:05or checking for a hookup

00:55:06or trying to

00:55:08make something happen

00:55:09even when we were

00:55:11all out together

00:55:12so it started to change

00:55:14the gay clubs

00:55:14because we'd all be there

00:55:16and half the people

00:55:16were just looking

00:55:17at their phone

00:55:17and you thought

00:55:20well

00:55:20but we're all already

00:55:22at the dance

00:55:24you know

00:55:24I think Grindr's

00:55:26a new way of hiding

00:55:27honestly

00:55:28because it's like

00:55:28people are still

00:55:29hooking up all the time

00:55:30but now they're like

00:55:31doing it like

00:55:31they're sneaking into

00:55:32your apartment building

00:55:33or whatever

00:55:33it's like this kind

00:55:34of respectability politics

00:55:36almost

00:55:36it's not like people

00:55:37they think

00:55:38they think

00:55:38we're like

00:55:39we don't have to cruise

00:55:40anymore so we shouldn't

00:55:41because we can just

00:55:42go on Grindr

00:55:42why would you want to

00:55:43cruise when you

00:55:43can go on Grindr

00:55:44it's like

00:55:44well because cruising

00:55:45is hot

00:55:46it's fun

00:55:46it's part of our

00:55:48history

00:55:48it's part of our

00:55:49culture

00:55:49and it's

00:55:50I feel like it's

00:55:51really popular

00:55:51to still like

00:55:52stigmatize

00:55:53Grindr

00:55:53and everything

00:55:54and being like

00:55:55only like nasty

00:55:56people use that

00:55:56like I would never

00:55:57do it

00:55:58but then they go home

00:55:59and then they use it

00:56:00and it's like

00:56:01that's what they do

00:56:02that's how they get laid

00:56:03the profile says

00:56:03like I hate this app

00:56:04knowing that there's

00:56:08that technology there

00:56:09like if I see a cute

00:56:10guy in the bar

00:56:11I'm gonna immediately

00:56:11get on like Grindr

00:56:12or Scruff

00:56:13and be like

00:56:13well is he on it

00:56:14because I can just

00:56:15like say hi there

00:56:16or like just

00:56:17woof at him there

00:56:17and then maybe

00:56:18he'll check it

00:56:20and see me

00:56:21across the bar

00:56:21I know everything

00:56:23changes

00:56:24and I'm acceptable

00:56:25to change

00:56:25but there's parts

00:56:27of it that are like

00:56:28oh it's the future

00:56:30and there's part of it

00:56:31it's like

00:56:31that's ridiculous

00:56:32like the amount

00:56:34of times I've lost

00:56:35with my friends

00:56:36just because they're

00:56:37on their cell phone

00:56:37the entire time

00:56:38and I can't tell you

00:56:40how many dates

00:56:40I've been on with girls

00:56:41that are on their cell phone

00:56:43the entire time

00:56:43I've been on a date

00:56:45with a girl

00:56:45she was talking

00:56:46to this dude

00:56:47she was kind of

00:56:48stringing along

00:56:48while we were going

00:56:50on our first couple

00:56:50dates

00:56:51because I've met

00:56:53girls that they're

00:56:54so involved

00:56:56with what they look

00:56:56like on the internet

00:56:57or like spend

00:56:59so much time

00:56:59on making this

00:57:00image of themselves

00:57:01and they worry

00:57:02about more internet

00:57:03shit than like

00:57:04real life

00:57:05I've thought about that

00:57:33when I like hook up

00:57:33with people

00:57:34I'm just like

00:57:34do I look sexy

00:57:35right now

00:57:35I'm like

00:57:36do I look like

00:57:36appealing

00:57:37do I look

00:57:38do I look good

00:57:39does my face look weird

00:57:40from their angle

00:57:42does

00:57:43like

00:57:44is

00:57:45is my hair

00:57:46like cascading out

00:57:47right behind me

00:57:48like all this stuff

00:57:49and I'm just like

00:57:50this is

00:57:50and because of that

00:57:52obviously I just get

00:57:53like super removed

00:57:54from the moment

00:57:54which is probably

00:57:55a big reason

00:57:55why I don't enjoy

00:57:56like doing sexual stuff

00:57:57with people

00:57:58because I'm so caught up

00:57:59in how I look

00:57:59and then I'm also

00:58:00caught up

00:58:00in how they look

00:58:01Alex

00:58:04the guy

00:58:05that I just started

00:58:06dating

00:58:07I guess

00:58:08that's so weird

00:58:09to say out loud

00:58:10he left his leftovers

00:58:11in my fridge

00:58:11so I'm here

00:58:13to drop them off

00:58:14I do love the emoji

00:58:16where it looks like

00:58:16you're smiling

00:58:17with all your teeth

00:58:18I send that one a lot

00:58:19I've sent him that

00:58:21a couple times

00:58:21to some people

00:58:22that I love

00:58:22I'll just send

00:58:23like a row of emojis

00:58:24that's like

00:58:25a sunflower

00:58:26and a bouquet of flowers

00:58:27and then a star

00:58:28and a sparkly thing

00:58:29and then a pink heart

00:58:29and then a yellow heart

00:58:30and then a blue heart

00:58:31and then they know

00:58:33exactly what I'm saying

00:58:33so that's great

00:58:35hello

00:58:36how are you

00:58:38good

00:58:39this is yours

00:58:40oh thank you

00:58:41you're so welcome

00:58:42how are you

00:58:43good to see you too

00:58:44oh

00:58:44how was your shift

00:58:46really slow

00:58:47yeah

00:58:48yeah

00:58:48I hope this isn't

00:58:49terrible now

00:58:50yeah I hope so too

00:58:51but it's okay

00:58:51if it's wilted

00:58:53and frozen

00:58:53I might throw it away

00:58:54though

00:58:54that's okay

00:58:55he sent me a text

00:58:56with a heart emoji

00:58:58and then a smiley face

00:58:59and then another heart emoji

00:59:01which like

00:59:01it was just really cute

00:59:03because that never happens

00:59:04because for some reason

00:59:05boys don't like to use emojis

00:59:07see

00:59:07I'm telling you

00:59:09like full hearts

00:59:10not heart eyes

00:59:10wild right

00:59:12what a concept

00:59:13I feel like that's been a big switch too

00:59:26like I feel like back in like

00:59:28like the 90s and the 80s

00:59:30it was all about like

00:59:31who could kind of show more

00:59:33like

00:59:34like back then

00:59:35you have people like

00:59:36serenading people

00:59:37like showing up

00:59:38outside of windows

00:59:39with boom boxes

00:59:40or like bringing people flowers

00:59:41like huge ridiculous

00:59:43things of flowers

00:59:44like out in public

00:59:45I feel like it's definitely

00:59:46way not like casual

00:59:47but way more like

00:59:48nonchalant

00:59:49nowadays

00:59:50like it's almost like

00:59:51you don't want to seem

00:59:52like you care

00:59:53what if you do care

00:59:54and you have to not show it

00:59:56like that sucks

00:59:57like if you do really care

00:59:58but you're like trying to not show it

00:59:59I feel like that kind of sucks

01:00:00yeah I guess

01:00:03I mean I don't

01:00:04I don't know

01:00:06I've never experienced

01:00:07something where I care so bad

01:00:09that I have to hide

01:00:10my care

01:00:12definitely with technology

01:00:30progressing more and more

01:00:32it's kind of like

01:00:33that awkward stage

01:00:35in generations

01:00:36where it's like

01:00:37do you just

01:00:38do technology

01:00:39to meet people

01:00:40or do you actually

01:00:41go out and have experiences

01:00:42it's kind of at the point

01:00:44where it's like

01:00:45alright you know

01:00:46let's slide in those DMs

01:00:48or let's

01:00:48let's hit up Tinder

01:00:50or something

01:00:51but it's kind of like

01:00:52not as real

01:00:53you know what I mean

01:00:54what's a Tinderella

01:00:55it's like a Cinderella

01:00:58but with a Tinder

01:00:59it's a slut

01:01:00yeah

01:01:00she's a Tinder slut

01:01:02she's a Tinder slut

01:01:03yeah she has

01:01:05acts with men

01:01:06through Tinder

01:01:07yes

01:01:08it's a Tinder war

01:01:10yeah

01:01:10well putt

01:01:12let's slap the fucking bag

01:01:14oh yeah

01:01:15oh yeah

01:01:16three

01:01:16four

01:01:17five

01:01:18six

01:01:19seven

01:01:20seven

01:01:21seven

01:01:22seven

01:01:23seven

01:01:24but last night

01:01:24I went to a party

01:01:25met a couple girls

01:01:27you know

01:01:28hooked up with a couple girls

01:01:29and then

01:01:30I now have their Instagram

01:01:32you know

01:01:32and that's a way

01:01:33to keep in touch

01:01:34it's not like

01:01:35a way to

01:01:36way to like

01:01:37I don't know

01:01:39force like anything

01:01:40on someone

01:01:41you're not gonna be like

01:01:42you know

01:01:42like let me get your number

01:01:43I'm texting you constantly

01:01:45to stay connected

01:01:46you hooked up

01:01:46with a couple of girls

01:01:47at the same party

01:01:48no

01:01:49oh yeah

01:01:50at the same party

01:01:51not the party

01:01:51we were at last night

01:01:52we went to a different party

01:01:53yeah

01:01:54I hooked up with two girls

01:01:55at the same party

01:01:56it's wild

01:01:57do you guys watch a lot of porn?

01:02:02he watches porn

01:02:03he watches porn

01:02:04I don't watch porn

01:02:05porn feeds into all of it

01:02:12porn feeds into sexual expectation

01:02:14the reason why

01:02:16the reason why blaming porn

01:02:17the reason why blaming porn

01:02:18is because

01:02:19because the internet

01:02:20has become such an integral part

01:02:22of just existing on this planet

01:02:25and we've had internet access

01:02:26as very young children

01:02:27porn has been cultivated

01:02:28I was in sports of porn

01:02:29before the internet

01:02:30I was about to say

01:02:31I don't know

01:02:32it opens your mind up

01:02:33I was about to say

01:02:33porn teaches you things

01:02:34porn can teach you

01:02:35because even though

01:02:36some things you might feel

01:02:37like it's wrong

01:02:38the older you get

01:02:38the more sex you have

01:02:39some of the shit

01:02:40that you like in porn

01:02:41like choking

01:02:41and getting choked

01:02:42is real

01:02:43it's not just a

01:02:44some of us like that shit

01:02:45yeah

01:02:45as far as the sexual expectation

01:02:49I feel like porn

01:02:50makes a lot of guys

01:02:51particularly

01:02:52like they don't know

01:02:53the female body at all

01:02:54they don't understand

01:02:55how to make a woman orgasm

01:02:56and they look more

01:02:58at like

01:02:59because when you watch

01:03:00like usual porn

01:03:01it's like

01:03:01the girls usually

01:03:02getting gagged

01:03:03or something

01:03:03or like

01:03:04it's all about

01:03:05choke out

01:03:06it's all about

01:03:06the male's pleasure

01:03:07you don't really see

01:03:08anything with the female

01:03:09unless it's like

01:03:09a lesbian

01:03:10what really shocked me

01:03:12about internet pornography

01:03:13the first time I saw it

01:03:14was the fact that

01:03:15the pornographers

01:03:17consistently framed

01:03:19these regular old

01:03:22vanilla sex acts

01:03:23that everybody does

01:03:24sometimes

01:03:24as a form of

01:03:26humiliation

01:03:27for the women

01:03:28involved

01:03:29it's not about

01:03:30their orgasm

01:03:31except as

01:03:32it's sexy

01:03:33that it happens

01:03:34to always be

01:03:34a function

01:03:35of the male

01:03:36ejaculation

01:03:37or the male

01:03:38pounding

01:03:39or whatever

01:03:39in every mainstream

01:03:40porn gallery

01:03:41on the web

01:03:42we can find

01:03:43the rape category

01:03:44side by side

01:03:46with the

01:03:46humiliation category

01:03:47abuse category

01:03:49crying category

01:03:50and so on

01:03:51with porn

01:03:53people get flooded

01:03:54with images

01:03:55then when they do

01:03:56meet people

01:03:57on the apps

01:03:58they expect

01:03:59the same kind

01:04:00of interaction

01:04:01and in fact

01:04:01they're not really

01:04:02having sex

01:04:03with the person

01:04:04in front of them

01:04:04very often

01:04:05they might have sex

01:04:07playing out the images

01:04:08in their head

01:04:08like ejaculating

01:04:10on a woman's face

01:04:11is not a naturally

01:04:12like thrilling

01:04:13attractive thing to do

01:04:14until you see it

01:04:15in pornography

01:04:16and you're like

01:04:16that looks awesome

01:04:17I'm gonna do that

01:04:17like guys get addicted

01:04:19to it

01:04:19and girls get addicted

01:04:20to it

01:04:21and it's fucking insane

01:04:22and like

01:04:22I have this one friend

01:04:24back home

01:04:25who's like

01:04:25he like

01:04:26he's like

01:04:27yeah like

01:04:27I can't finish

01:04:29unless I watch porn

01:04:30what?

01:04:31yeah

01:04:31like he had

01:04:32like he'll be fucking a girl

01:04:33and then he's like

01:04:34I have to like

01:04:35jack off or something

01:04:36to finish

01:04:36it sounds like he has

01:04:36something wrong with him

01:04:37so it's like

01:04:38it sounds like he watches

01:04:39way too much

01:04:40yeah he watches

01:04:40way too much porn

01:04:41might desensitize

01:04:43yeah desensitize

01:04:45for sure

01:04:45there are guys my age

01:04:47suffering from ED

01:04:47because when they have

01:04:49a sex relationship

01:04:49with a girl

01:04:50they can't perform

01:04:50because their mind

01:04:51is so skewed already

01:04:54by porn

01:04:55it's an epidemic

01:04:56what do you mean?

01:04:57men who

01:04:58when they put a condom on

01:04:59they lose their erection

01:05:01right away

01:05:01and then they try to use that

01:05:04to weasel out

01:05:05of wearing a condom

01:05:06you know they're like

01:05:06oh like

01:05:07come on

01:05:08like

01:05:08you don't need it

01:05:11I just got tested

01:05:12and I'm like

01:05:13no you didn't

01:05:14I know you didn't

01:05:14just get tested

01:05:15I think the condom problem

01:05:16is because of porn

01:05:17because I feel like

01:05:18men are really

01:05:19used to like

01:05:20their rough hand

01:05:20or something

01:05:21and then like

01:05:22they're like

01:05:23oh I'm not sensitive

01:05:24with a condom

01:05:25and like

01:05:25I can't feel you

01:05:27I'm like

01:05:28it's not even just porn

01:05:30it's the appropriation

01:05:32of porn in culture

01:05:34because sex sells

01:05:35sex is everywhere

01:05:37you go to billboards

01:05:38there's a bitch

01:05:39in a bra

01:05:40and basically nothing else

01:05:42all right guys

01:05:45I'm gonna be 100% real

01:05:46with you guys

01:05:46about the best pictures

01:05:47that us guys

01:05:48like to get

01:05:48from girls

01:05:49because a lot

01:05:50of the YouTubers

01:05:50and people would be like

01:05:51uh

01:05:52the best curve

01:05:54on a woman's body

01:05:55is hers

01:05:56you know damn

01:05:59what the best curve

01:06:00on a woman's body

01:06:00is

01:06:01that ass

01:06:02it's gonna look

01:06:06like that

01:06:07okay

01:06:08and then you shoot it

01:06:09so she's pointing it down

01:06:11I'm pointing it down

01:06:11so the angle

01:06:12comes from

01:06:13the bottom

01:06:14Kim Kardashian

01:06:16goes naked

01:06:17Kourtney Kardashian

01:06:18shows off her nipple

01:06:19and Kylie Jenner

01:06:20gets in the mix too

01:06:21what the hell

01:06:22is going on here

01:06:23one thing we're seeing

01:06:24an increase in

01:06:25for instance

01:06:25is sexting

01:06:26people are exchanging

01:06:28sexual messages

01:06:29and images

01:06:30via text

01:06:31via email

01:06:32and sometimes

01:06:33via particular apps

01:06:34I would say

01:06:35that nudes

01:06:36don't have to be

01:06:37pornography

01:06:38but the way

01:06:39they generally

01:06:40exist

01:06:41and are treated

01:06:42they are

01:06:43pornography

01:06:44by my definition

01:06:45they are

01:06:45they're sexualized

01:06:47representations

01:06:47that circulate

01:06:48and the circulation

01:06:49is key

01:06:50because the problem

01:06:52uh

01:06:53and the problem

01:06:54with the way

01:06:55they're circulated

01:06:56is that tends

01:06:57to eroticize use

01:06:58to eroticize

01:06:59just using

01:07:00somebody else's body

01:07:01for your own

01:07:01gratification

01:07:02if it's in the right

01:07:03context

01:07:04I really do like

01:07:06getting a dick pic

01:07:07it can be really great

01:07:08but you have to

01:07:10be in the mood

01:07:11and you have to

01:07:12want it

01:07:13and there should be

01:07:14like a lead up to it

01:07:15because if you just

01:07:16get a dick pic cold

01:07:17it's

01:07:17like what

01:07:19I wasn't around

01:07:20what did it

01:07:22for you

01:07:22I think that if you're

01:07:23already talking

01:07:24like sending a nude

01:07:25throughout the day

01:07:26it's just kind of like

01:07:27A

01:07:28thinking of you

01:07:29B

01:07:30reminding you how good

01:07:31that sex was

01:07:32the other day

01:07:33because like

01:07:34you know

01:07:34sometimes

01:07:35if it's been like

01:07:36two days

01:07:37you're just like

01:07:37yo

01:07:38refresher course

01:07:39like

01:07:39this was great

01:07:40eh

01:07:40like

01:07:41we can imagine

01:07:43that there are

01:07:43so many people

01:07:44with long distance

01:07:44relationships

01:07:45or

01:07:46perhaps they're

01:07:48busy with work

01:07:48and don't see

01:07:49each other enough

01:07:50or perhaps

01:07:50they just want

01:07:51to communicate

01:07:51hey

01:07:52I'm turned on

01:07:52by you

01:07:53I'm thinking

01:07:53about you

01:07:54and sexting

01:07:55for them

01:07:55can be

01:07:56perhaps a

01:07:57totally fine

01:07:58totally healthy

01:07:59way to communicate

01:08:00and share

01:08:01these erotic images

01:08:02but there is

01:08:03an inherent risk

01:08:04and in fact

01:08:05that risk

01:08:06can also build

01:08:07intimacy

01:08:07knowing that

01:08:08you're

01:08:09exposing yourself

01:08:11to someone

01:08:11or maybe not

01:08:12a good use of words

01:08:13nowadays

01:08:14the fact that

01:08:15guys think

01:08:15it's so cool

01:08:16to expose girls

01:08:18it makes it

01:08:19so hard

01:08:19for you

01:08:20to even feel

01:08:21like a guy

01:08:21that you're

01:08:22messing with

01:08:23can have

01:08:24a picture

01:08:24of you naked

01:08:25because if you guys

01:08:26ever stop

01:08:27talking to each other

01:08:28it's like

01:08:28is he gonna

01:08:29put me on Twitter

01:08:30is he gonna

01:08:31put it on Instagram

01:08:32but I got my phone

01:08:33taken away

01:08:33because I sent

01:08:34a picture

01:08:35to a guy

01:08:36in my bra

01:08:36and underwear

01:08:37in 8th grade

01:08:38I remember that

01:08:39he asked me

01:08:40for a picture

01:08:41and I sent him

01:08:42a picture of my face

01:08:43and he was like

01:08:43no not that type

01:08:44of picture

01:08:44they always say that

01:08:45and then you're like

01:08:46what kind of picture

01:08:47you want

01:08:47and he's like

01:08:48you know

01:08:48just less clothes

01:08:49and I'm just like

01:08:50I don't know

01:08:51and he was showing

01:08:52everybody

01:08:53you know

01:08:53you're young

01:08:55and you want to be cool

01:08:56and you don't want

01:08:57the person to

01:08:57the next day

01:08:58say something about you

01:09:00like you're a kid

01:09:00or something like that

01:09:01what often is called

01:09:07revenge porn

01:09:08which we could just say

01:09:10is the non-consensual distribution

01:09:13of sexual imagery

01:09:14right

01:09:15is when people

01:09:16violate often

01:09:19people's trust

01:09:20and competence

01:09:21and then post

01:09:22you know

01:09:23nude images

01:09:24of someone

01:09:25without their consent

01:09:26and often knowingly

01:09:27in violation

01:09:28of their privacy

01:09:28and when it appears

01:09:31online

01:09:31or on twitter

01:09:33you know

01:09:33when it appears

01:09:34in any online network

01:09:35spaces

01:09:36and is shared

01:09:37it will then

01:09:38often appear

01:09:39in a search

01:09:39of someone's name

01:09:40right

01:09:41which

01:09:42when you search

01:09:43someone

01:09:43who's searching

01:09:44for you

01:09:44clients

01:09:45employers

01:09:46friends

01:09:46people you care about

01:09:47and that's where

01:09:49the harm comes in

01:09:50like the potential

01:09:51for economic

01:09:52physical

01:09:53and sort of

01:09:54emotional harm

01:09:55so I was using

01:10:01a dating app

01:10:02when I met this guy

01:10:03I'd gone on

01:10:04a few dates with him

01:10:05but I hadn't

01:10:07like gone home

01:10:08with him

01:10:09and like

01:10:10slept with him

01:10:10basically

01:10:11and it didn't seem

01:10:13to be like

01:10:13an issue for me

01:10:14I didn't think

01:10:15it was awkward

01:10:15but he seemed

01:10:16to think

01:10:16it was a thing

01:10:17I found

01:10:19this website

01:10:21and it was

01:10:23that was

01:10:23on his blog

01:10:24it was like

01:10:25a blogging tree

01:10:25like a whole page

01:10:27dedicated to me

01:10:28and how much

01:10:29I sucked

01:10:30basically

01:10:31and he had

01:10:33gone through

01:10:34like the last

01:10:3410 years

01:10:35of my social media

01:10:36on like

01:10:36Facebook

01:10:37Instagram

01:10:38like all these

01:10:40outlets

01:10:41and taken

01:10:42the worst photos

01:10:42of me

01:10:43that exist

01:10:43it's quite common

01:10:45for people

01:10:45to set up

01:10:46a site

01:10:46often in the

01:10:47victims

01:10:47or the targeted

01:10:48person's name

01:10:49that says

01:10:50for example

01:10:51don't hire

01:10:52so-and-so

01:10:53or so-and-so

01:10:54is a crackhead

01:10:54right

01:10:55that would be

01:10:55the name

01:10:56off the domain

01:10:57name of the site

01:10:57right

01:10:58and that

01:10:59what you do

01:11:00on that site

01:11:01is essentially

01:11:01do whatever

01:11:02you can

01:11:02to hurt

01:11:03the reputation

01:11:03and to terrify

01:11:05the person

01:11:06and he

01:11:06made this huge

01:11:08like mosaic

01:11:08of like

01:11:09it was at least

01:11:11like 20

01:11:12photos

01:11:12maybe like

01:11:1330 or more

01:11:14it was like

01:11:15there was a lot

01:11:15of photos

01:11:16of just all

01:11:17these up-close

01:11:18terrible shots

01:11:18of me like

01:11:19drinking

01:11:19like parties

01:11:21when I'm like

01:11:2117, 18

01:11:22or whatever

01:11:23and just looking

01:11:24awful

01:11:24you know

01:11:25and it was

01:11:27so embarrassing

01:11:27and I was like

01:11:28fuck

01:11:28what is this

01:11:29and then he posted

01:11:30under it

01:11:31like a story

01:11:33that was

01:11:34completely

01:11:35like made up

01:11:36and shit

01:11:37and it said

01:11:38I think it said

01:11:39that Nicole

01:11:39like smoked

01:11:40crack

01:11:41and all this

01:11:42stuff

01:11:42and it was

01:11:44crack

01:11:44like specifically

01:11:45and I was like

01:11:46that's outrageous

01:11:48and weird

01:11:48so I tried

01:11:50contacting

01:11:50the web host

01:11:52or whatever

01:11:52who hosts

01:11:53the domain

01:11:53and they

01:11:54never got back

01:11:56to me

01:11:56and then I

01:11:57contacted

01:11:57Instagram

01:11:59and Facebook

01:11:59to be like

01:12:01this guy's

01:12:02using my photos

01:12:03without my permission

01:12:03and I never heard

01:12:05from any of them

01:12:06and then

01:12:07it was

01:12:08the dating app

01:12:09that I contacted

01:12:09and they said

01:12:10to call the police

01:12:11because they

01:12:12couldn't do anything

01:12:13you've got officers

01:12:15who are great

01:12:16at street crimes

01:12:17it's what they know

01:12:18well

01:12:19but when you come

01:12:20to them

01:12:20with a problem

01:12:21that involves

01:12:21having to investigate

01:12:22sort of your

01:12:23online footprints

01:12:24and who it is

01:12:25that did this

01:12:26they just feel

01:12:26outpaced

01:12:27by the technology

01:12:28they don't know

01:12:29what to do

01:12:29I thought that

01:12:30it might be

01:12:31like a good

01:12:31opportunity

01:12:32for one of those

01:12:34companies

01:12:34to sort of

01:12:35come to the rescue

01:12:36in a way

01:12:37and be like

01:12:37look

01:12:38we protect

01:12:38our users

01:12:39like

01:12:39you know

01:12:40especially

01:12:41the dating app

01:12:42I thought

01:12:43that they would

01:12:43maybe have

01:12:44a better reaction

01:12:45than

01:12:45very just sort

01:12:47of

01:12:47I don't know

01:12:48like it's not

01:12:49our issue

01:12:50I guess

01:12:51the ethical

01:12:59implications

01:13:00of what we're

01:13:01doing

01:13:01are always

01:13:02weighing upon

01:13:03us

01:13:03it's

01:13:04everything

01:13:05from

01:13:05bullying

01:13:07to

01:13:07just

01:13:08inappropriate

01:13:10behavior

01:13:10and

01:13:11it's

01:13:12something

01:13:12that

01:13:13almost every

01:13:15conversation

01:13:15we have

01:13:16around here

01:13:17is about

01:13:17how we can

01:13:18help that

01:13:19it's included

01:13:20with every new

01:13:20thing that we

01:13:21come up with

01:13:21is making sure

01:13:22that we

01:13:22create a safe

01:13:24and comfortable

01:13:24environment

01:13:25for our users

01:13:26there's a lot

01:13:26more that we

01:13:27could do

01:13:28just like

01:13:29every platform

01:13:30and

01:13:31we're going

01:13:32to

01:13:32we're working

01:13:33on all sorts

01:13:34of things

01:13:34don't know

01:13:35all the ways

01:13:36we're going

01:13:36to do that

01:13:37but collectively

01:13:38we'll figure

01:13:39something out

01:13:40I'm sure

01:13:40we better

01:13:41we have to

01:13:42have you ever

01:13:43heard from anybody

01:13:44who's had something

01:13:45bad happen

01:13:45directly I've not

01:13:47nobody's

01:13:48personally come to

01:13:49me with it

01:13:50but there's

01:13:51certainly been

01:13:52a few different

01:13:53news stories

01:13:53and all that

01:13:54have occurred

01:13:55I don't know

01:13:58any specifically

01:13:59there are stories

01:14:12from 100 years

01:14:13ago of women

01:14:14being murdered

01:14:14when meeting

01:14:15a man that

01:14:16advertised in

01:14:17the lonely

01:14:17hearts section

01:14:18of the newspaper

01:14:18luckily these

01:14:19are not everyday

01:14:20stories but

01:14:21they do underscore

01:14:22the huge risks

01:14:23involved and

01:14:24and moreover

01:14:24they do kind

01:14:26of ask us

01:14:27to think more

01:14:27deeply about

01:14:28why it is

01:14:30that when a

01:14:31woman is murdered

01:14:31it is likely

01:14:32to be by

01:14:33someone who

01:14:34she's in a

01:14:34sort of intimate

01:14:35situation with

01:14:36so we do need

01:14:37to get beyond

01:14:37just blaming

01:14:38dating apps

01:14:38we need to also

01:14:39think about

01:14:39what's going on

01:14:40more deeply

01:14:41in society

01:14:41that for all

01:14:43the gains

01:14:43women have made

01:14:44the domestic

01:14:45violence figures

01:14:45speak for themselves

01:14:46murder figures

01:14:47speak for themselves

01:14:48women are still

01:14:48being murdered

01:14:49and physically

01:14:51abused by men

01:14:52on a hugely

01:14:53regular basis

01:14:54this dude was

01:15:01freaking psychotic

01:15:02he drunkenly

01:15:03came to my house

01:15:03at like

01:15:04five in the morning

01:15:06mind you

01:15:07I'd invited him

01:15:08over at probably

01:15:09like eleven

01:15:10thinking he was

01:15:11going to get there

01:15:12by like one

01:15:12and I could kick

01:15:13him out around three

01:15:13because I didn't

01:15:14want to sleep

01:15:14with him at the

01:15:15time it was

01:15:15way too early

01:15:16so he comes

01:15:17there mad late

01:15:18clearly drunk as hell

01:15:20so I'm like

01:15:20alright

01:15:20and he took a cab

01:15:21there from wherever

01:15:22he was

01:15:22so I'm like

01:15:23okay I don't

01:15:23want to be a bitch

01:15:24because you just

01:15:24spent all this

01:15:25money to get to

01:15:25my house

01:15:25and I understand

01:15:26you're lit

01:15:26and you probably

01:15:27just want to

01:15:27sleep

01:15:27like it is

01:15:28what it is

01:15:28I'll let you

01:15:29crash

01:15:29he gets in my

01:15:30bed

01:15:30literally tries

01:15:32to force himself

01:15:33on me

01:15:33and I just

01:15:35wasn't rocking

01:15:36and like I

01:15:37literally had to

01:15:38like hold my

01:15:39clothes

01:15:40push this

01:15:40thing off me

01:15:41like I'm not

01:15:42yelling because

01:15:43I don't want to

01:15:43wake my roommates

01:15:44up because it's

01:15:44like I'm not

01:15:45getting raped

01:15:45and I think

01:15:46like I'm

01:15:46I'm thinking

01:15:47eventually he's

01:15:48going to kid a

01:15:48hint and then

01:15:49he drunkenly

01:15:49passes out

01:15:50I wait about

01:15:51an hour

01:15:51and I'm like

01:15:52freaking out

01:15:53and then I

01:15:54kick him out

01:15:54of my apartment

01:15:54and obviously

01:15:57like I kind of

01:15:58set myself up

01:15:59for it

01:15:59so I'm kind

01:16:00of not an

01:16:00idiot for that

01:16:01I'm not like

01:16:01emotionally distraught

01:16:03over it or anything

01:16:04I'm just one of

01:16:04those like

01:16:05y'all need to

01:16:05do better

01:16:06and I'm so

01:16:07glad that it

01:16:08didn't get worse

01:16:09because there

01:16:09are so many

01:16:10scenarios where

01:16:11I've heard

01:16:11like wear hats

01:16:12with other women

01:16:13not with him

01:16:14in particular

01:16:14but just in

01:16:15general

01:16:15and I just

01:16:16like I know

01:16:17so many of

01:16:18my very

01:16:18very

01:16:19very close

01:16:20female friends

01:16:21have experienced

01:16:22very negative

01:16:23encounters with

01:16:24men

01:16:24and I'm just

01:16:25grateful that

01:16:26nothing on that

01:16:27level has happened

01:16:28because it's very

01:16:28possible and I

01:16:29pray it never does

01:16:30because I wouldn't

01:16:31even wish that

01:16:32shit on my

01:16:32enemies

01:16:32like even when

01:16:41I had my

01:16:41old boyfriend

01:16:42and we would

01:16:42do stuff

01:16:43like

01:16:43he always

01:16:46kind of

01:16:46one he always

01:16:47kind of like

01:16:47vaguely like

01:16:48pressured me

01:16:48into stuff

01:16:49which like

01:16:49wasn't cool

01:16:50so like

01:16:51we'd be

01:16:51hanging out

01:16:53and we'd be

01:16:53watching TV

01:16:54and like I just

01:16:55wanted to like

01:16:56cuddle and watch

01:16:57TV and then he

01:16:58would start like

01:16:58kissing my neck

01:16:59or whatever

01:16:59and like starting

01:17:00to like get on

01:17:01top of me

01:17:01and I would like

01:17:02kind of pull away

01:17:03and be like

01:17:03I just kind of

01:17:03want to like

01:17:04sit here

01:17:05and then he would

01:17:06like put his

01:17:06hands up my

01:17:07shirt and like

01:17:08all this kind of

01:17:09stuff and I would

01:17:09just like kind of

01:17:10try and turn away

01:17:11and then it always

01:17:13just got to a

01:17:13point

01:17:14he knew that I

01:17:15would just get

01:17:15to a point

01:17:16where I was

01:17:16like okay

01:17:18I guess we're

01:17:18doing this

01:17:19and so like

01:17:20we'd do

01:17:21whatever

01:17:22and it was

01:17:22literally

01:17:23every single

01:17:25time we were

01:17:26alone

01:17:27every single

01:17:28time

01:17:28I'm realizing

01:17:29now looking

01:17:30back on it

01:17:30that it was

01:17:31like a little

01:17:31bit more

01:17:31fucked up

01:17:32than I thought

01:17:32it was

01:17:33I see

01:17:39people try

01:17:39to justify

01:17:40like

01:17:41the rape

01:17:42of a spouse

01:17:43or the rape

01:17:44of a girlfriend

01:17:45or a boyfriend

01:17:46these are themes

01:17:50that are embedded

01:17:51in our society

01:17:52it's definitely

01:17:55something that

01:17:56the internet

01:17:56and social media

01:17:57is like

01:17:57enlightening a lot

01:17:58of young women

01:17:59to realize

01:18:00I'm valuable

01:18:01I don't have to

01:18:02put up with your

01:18:02shit

01:18:02and I also

01:18:03don't have to

01:18:04be treated

01:18:04like a sex object

01:18:05for the rest

01:18:06of my life

01:18:06and I'm also

01:18:07capable of doing

01:18:08whatever I want

01:18:09and if your

01:18:10politics correlate

01:18:11with mine

01:18:12that's cool

01:18:13but I'm gonna

01:18:13still do me

01:18:14at the end

01:18:14of the day

01:18:15so what if

01:18:25we like

01:18:26what if there's

01:18:26a dating app

01:18:27that was designed

01:18:28around how women

01:18:29perceive attraction

01:18:30like what

01:18:31would that be

01:18:31different

01:18:32what if

01:18:33you designed

01:18:34a dating app

01:18:34what would it

01:18:35be like

01:18:36if I'm designing

01:18:37a dating app

01:18:37I don't know

01:18:39I feel like

01:18:39there's no way

01:18:40to get around

01:18:40the fact that

01:18:41men can just

01:18:41be fucking

01:18:42disgusting

01:18:42absolutely

01:18:43I think it's

01:18:44the fact that

01:18:44like women

01:18:45have always been

01:18:45seen as

01:18:46an object of

01:18:47pleasure

01:18:47or an object

01:18:48of like

01:18:49something secondary

01:18:50something inferior

01:18:51yeah it's a vessel

01:18:51so it's kind of

01:18:52like

01:18:52even nowadays

01:18:54it's sort of

01:18:54like

01:18:55the only reason

01:18:56that you exist

01:18:57in this space

01:18:58is for my

01:18:59viewing pleasure

01:18:59I'm not saying

01:19:00that like

01:19:00everyone who does

01:19:02dating apps

01:19:02is like

01:19:02terrible or gross

01:19:03or anything

01:19:03but the fact

01:19:04that you have

01:19:05to like

01:19:05work your way

01:19:06through so many

01:19:07people that are

01:19:08just like

01:19:08either total

01:19:09bullshitters

01:19:09or obviously

01:19:10only after sex

01:19:11and like

01:19:12not after

01:19:12anything substantial

01:19:13so you're like

01:19:14okay

01:19:15and it just gets

01:19:16exhausting

01:19:16so I just like

01:19:17why bother

01:19:17cheers

01:19:20papa

01:19:20what the

01:19:49Me Too movement

01:19:50has done

01:19:50it's really

01:19:51created this

01:19:52huge voice

01:19:53in the community

01:19:55and that voice

01:19:57is strong

01:19:57and I do feel

01:19:58like as a woman

01:19:59running the largest

01:20:00set of dating

01:20:01products in the world

01:20:02that we have to

01:20:03listen to that voice

01:20:04and we have to

01:20:04adapt our products

01:20:06how we work

01:20:07internally

01:20:07our sensitivity

01:20:08to things

01:20:09and especially

01:20:10as we are creating

01:20:11social products

01:20:12that sit in the

01:20:13hands of women

01:20:14and this is a time

01:20:16where I do think

01:20:17it's important

01:20:18for us to

01:20:18both protect

01:20:20listen

01:20:20and create products

01:20:21that are relevant

01:20:22to women

01:20:22and how are you

01:20:24going to do that?

01:20:25yeah I mean

01:20:25I think there's

01:20:26a couple of things

01:20:26that we need to do

01:20:28one

01:20:28we have safety tips

01:20:31first of all

01:20:32it's really important

01:20:33that women

01:20:33don't meet people

01:20:35they never go

01:20:36to someone's house

01:20:37they meet in a public

01:20:38place

01:20:38they don't drink

01:20:39they let someone

01:20:40know where they're going

01:20:40they take precaution

01:20:44they let a person

01:20:45know that they're

01:20:46on a date

01:20:46with someone else

01:20:47they never go

01:20:48into someone's car

01:20:49so there's a number

01:20:50of safety tips

01:20:50that we provide

01:20:51for people

01:20:52and I just think

01:20:52that people also

01:20:53have to just take

01:20:54real precaution

01:20:55there have been

01:20:57reports of a rise

01:20:58in sexual violence

01:20:59related to online dating

01:21:00do you think dating apps

01:21:02are contributing

01:21:03to rape culture?

01:21:04the sad thing

01:21:06is that

01:21:06you know

01:21:07because there's

01:21:08so many millions

01:21:10and millions

01:21:10of people

01:21:11on our products

01:21:11one out of every

01:21:13two single people

01:21:14have a profile

01:21:16on a dating app

01:21:16today in the United States

01:21:18then it is

01:21:19truly

01:21:20what happens

01:21:21in society

01:21:22happens on the apps

01:21:22as well

01:21:23I don't see it

01:21:39slowing down

01:21:40I mean why would

01:21:41it slow down

01:21:41it's making a lot

01:21:42of money for a lot

01:21:42of different companies

01:21:43and a lot of people

01:21:44we're getting better

01:21:46at designing experiences

01:21:47that are addictive

01:21:47because we understand

01:21:48it more now

01:21:49than we ever did before

01:21:50so I don't see

01:21:52it slowing down

01:21:52I think it's only

01:21:53going to be weaponized

01:21:54and I think when

01:21:54virtual and augmented

01:21:55reality become a really

01:21:56big deal

01:21:57can you imagine

01:21:58dating apps

01:21:59where you can actually

01:21:59interact in a room

01:22:00with the people

01:22:01that you're swiping

01:22:02why wouldn't people

01:22:03spend 24 hours a day

01:22:04on these apps

01:22:05if they feel like

01:22:05they're actually

01:22:06in the room

01:22:06with other people

01:22:07and if they don't

01:22:08like them

01:22:08they can get rid of

01:22:09them ASAP

01:22:10no problem

01:22:10but if they do

01:22:12you're actually

01:22:13that much closer

01:22:14to actually being

01:22:15on a date with them

01:22:15without having to

01:22:16do anything

01:22:17you can sit in

01:22:18your boxer shorts

01:22:18at home

01:22:19and be on a date

01:22:20with someone

01:22:20why wouldn't you do that

01:22:21we know there are

01:22:25sex robots

01:22:26and we know

01:22:27that there are

01:22:27appendages that you

01:22:28can attach to yourself

01:22:29that make an experience

01:22:30feel like sex

01:22:31and so it's just going

01:22:33to be a more immersive

01:22:33version of that

01:22:34over time

01:22:35a virtual and

01:22:35augmented reality

01:22:36I don't know

01:22:50we were just drifting

01:22:51further and further

01:22:51apart

01:22:52and

01:22:53like towards the end

01:22:55it felt like

01:22:56we weren't even really

01:22:57like in a relationship

01:23:01I definitely

01:23:03became more distant

01:23:05I don't know why

01:23:06yeah I mean

01:23:07you used to like

01:23:08four or five times a day

01:23:11be like

01:23:11I'm going to marry you

01:23:12you know that

01:23:13I could have been

01:23:16delusional

01:23:16but I felt right

01:23:17at the time

01:23:18whatever

01:23:19he was just excited

01:23:20about being

01:23:21about having somebody

01:23:22to love

01:23:23it's sweet

01:23:24there's nothing wrong

01:23:25with that

01:23:25all I wanted to do

01:23:28is just say

01:23:29let's be friends

01:23:31but let's keep it

01:23:32open

01:23:32he went on a date

01:23:35on Friday

01:23:36well he got laid

01:23:41you got laid too

01:23:43get the fuck out of here

01:23:44yeah I have gotten laid

01:23:44but I didn't get laid

01:23:45on Friday

01:23:46on my date

01:23:47he met

01:23:47on Tinder

01:23:48yeah you downloaded

01:23:49Tinder too

01:23:50fucking

01:23:50you're just as guilty

01:23:52Tinder exhausts me

01:23:53I'm so

01:23:55like

01:23:56I just downloaded it

01:23:58so that I could

01:23:58judge people

01:23:59and like swipe

01:24:01I like doing the swiping

01:24:02I always have

01:24:03yeah

01:24:07and then

01:24:08and then I ended up

01:24:09going on a date

01:24:09with the guy

01:24:10well no he seems nice

01:24:12but I wasn't planning

01:24:12on sleeping with him

01:24:14but

01:24:14yeah and then

01:24:15I was like

01:24:16yeah I don't know

01:24:18I just

01:24:18he came back

01:24:20from the bathroom

01:24:21and I was like

01:24:21I'm really sorry

01:24:24I'm really sorry

01:24:25I just

01:24:26I just want to go home

01:24:28and then I just left

01:24:31so you know

01:24:34I'm not like

01:24:35I don't know

01:24:39I just wanted to

01:24:41you know

01:24:42someone to talk to

01:24:43for like an hour

01:24:45but

01:24:47I don't know

01:24:49Tinder is exhausting

01:24:50I don't

01:24:51I don't want to

01:24:52nothing good happens

01:24:53from Tinder

01:24:54yeah

01:24:54well

01:24:56we met on Tinder

01:24:58yeah

01:25:07I don't know

01:25:13I don't know

01:25:14you

01:25:15but

01:25:16you

01:25:16gonna

01:25:17I don't smoke

01:25:17I don't know

01:25:19but

01:25:20you

01:25:22I don't know

01:25:22how

01:25:23I joust

01:25:23that

01:25:24I don't know

01:25:25I don't know

01:25:26you

01:25:26Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020

01:25:56Untertitelung des ZDF, 2020

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