- 5 days ago
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00:00:00Go on with the show
00:00:15Say what now?
00:00:16Vaginas make his flesh creep.
00:00:21What class was this for?
00:00:23P.
00:00:27Whose vagina is he talking about?
00:00:29General vaginas.
00:00:30So, wait, you went to P.E.?
00:00:35It was a class on CPR. They were discussing anginas.
00:00:39So he thought they said vaginas.
00:00:42Oh, I mean, he isn't exactly sexually active.
00:00:45He hasn't even seen one.
00:00:47We talk about sex all the time.
00:00:49Usually during carpool.
00:00:50Mr. Smart.
00:00:51Which is why my mom drives us now.
00:00:53In history class, Les was assigned one page on manifest destiny.
00:00:57Instead, he turned in a nine-page Wizard of Oz musical set in the French Revolution he calls Les Wiz.
00:01:05I'm sorry. I'm trying to understand.
00:01:07Aren't nine pages better than one?
00:01:10That wasn't the assignment.
00:01:12Les, would you please step outside?
00:01:14Mike, it's my fault that John has made my flesh creep.
00:01:20You haven't seen one yet. It's because he hasn't seen one yet.
00:01:23Mr. Smart, you may need to consider the possibility that Les is homosexual.
00:01:31That is a remarkable statement.
00:01:37You know I'm in theater, right? For a living?
00:01:39I produce regional theater.
00:01:41I don't see what that has to do with the...
00:01:43Eh, just follow the plot.
00:01:45Theater teaches empathy.
00:01:48We don't care if someone's black or white.
00:01:51Neither do we.
00:01:52We don't care if they're gay or straight.
00:01:54Neither do we.
00:01:55Rich, poor, thin, fat.
00:01:58Neither do we.
00:01:59We don't care who they happen to love.
00:02:02Or have sex with, Mrs. Franklin.
00:02:07As long as they are talented.
00:02:09Christian.
00:02:12Christian.
00:02:16Christian.
00:02:17You know, Les, I've always felt deeply sorry for people who couldn't appreciate me.
00:02:27The Old Coward.
00:02:291899 to 1973.
00:02:31I was from Teddington Middlesex, you see.
00:02:34Have you ever played Teddington Middlesex?
00:02:37Not yet.
00:02:38Well, if you do, just make the best of it.
00:02:41My point is, Les, I was a boy actor like you.
00:02:46You and I think differently than other boys and girls.
00:02:50I'd like to fit in, Noel.
00:02:52But I don't know how, I guess.
00:02:54Didn't bother me in the least.
00:02:58I call bullshit.
00:03:02I never cared who scored the goal.
00:03:05Or which side won the silver cup.
00:03:08I never learned to bat or bow.
00:03:11But I heard the curtain going up.
00:03:19Come on, Les.
00:03:20Let's go pick up your mother and brother.
00:03:26I hate this school.
00:03:27No one gets me.
00:03:29You're a weirdo.
00:03:30It's not their fault.
00:03:32Wait till you get to high school.
00:03:34You'll find your people.
00:03:35Derek likes high school.
00:03:37Derek likes pushing the button in elevators.
00:03:39Well, you're more complicated than your brother.
00:03:41You're an artist like me.
00:03:43Derek's popular.
00:03:44You gave Derek a popular name.
00:03:46You actually gave me a name of no value.
00:03:48Les.
00:03:49If Dirt were a name, you would have called me Dirt.
00:03:51Nice.
00:03:52Clever and dramatic.
00:03:54You'll be happy too.
00:03:55It's inevitable.
00:03:57Are you popular in middle school?
00:04:00Five people at popular middle school, Dirt.
00:04:04I already knew I wanted to produce shows on Broadway when I was your age.
00:04:09Who wants to do that in middle school?
00:04:11Talk about weirdos.
00:04:15Does it bother you it never happened?
00:04:22Things change on a dime in show business.
00:04:25It can still happen.
00:04:27You'll see.
00:04:29Come on.
00:04:33Vaginas scared me too at first.
00:04:36Don't worry about it.
00:04:38Vaginas will grow on you.
00:04:41Give my regards to Broadway.
00:04:44Remember me to Herald Square.
00:04:48Tell all the gang at 42nd Street that I would...
00:04:52Buddy, you need to talk with your son.
00:04:57Why do they mind when they're in trouble?
00:04:59Ernie Saracino wants to quit.
00:05:02Les.
00:05:03Why is it me?
00:05:04It could be Derek.
00:05:05He says Les just arbitrarily sneaks into scenes during the show.
00:05:08I didn't sneak.
00:05:09I told him I really think I should be in more scenes.
00:05:11You're not the director.
00:05:12You can't just...
00:05:13It's Fiddler on the Roof.
00:05:14I'm pretty sure there are children in it and it's Africa.
00:05:16Ernie Saracino is the best, least expensive director we have.
00:05:19We cannot afford to lose him.
00:05:21And he's tired of you upstaging everyone.
00:05:25Derek almost lost his virginity.
00:05:26Hey!
00:05:27Almost.
00:05:28How almost?
00:05:29Her name's Annabeth Devine.
00:05:30Shut up.
00:05:31Maybe Annabeth.
00:05:32She lives.
00:05:33Well, invite her over for dinner.
00:05:34We'd all like to meet her.
00:05:36No.
00:05:37No, it's not like you're embarrassed by us or anything.
00:05:40Dad, of course I am.
00:05:42Well then, bring her by the theater on a matinee day.
00:05:45She won't even know we're checking her out.
00:05:47No one I know wants to go to the theater.
00:05:49God, I don't even want to be at the theater matinee days.
00:05:51But I'd rather do football, okay?
00:05:53They're having...
00:05:54That's just a phase.
00:05:55I could easily make the team at this school.
00:05:56It's not my rule.
00:05:57There are eight shows a week.
00:05:58That's just the way it is.
00:05:59I'm not doing any more musicals.
00:06:00You are not the only 16-year-old who has to work in the family business.
00:06:04You don't even pay me.
00:06:05Well, you're not very good.
00:06:08Just bring her over for dinner.
00:06:10No, better yet.
00:06:12We'll be having auditions at the house for Raisin in the Sunset.
00:06:15Bring her by then.
00:06:16She will love it.
00:06:17She won't, Dad.
00:06:18She's normal.
00:06:20She'll grow out of it.
00:06:22We're staying with your Uncle Abrams.
00:06:25We're staying with your Uncle Abrams!
00:06:27We're staying with your Uncle Abrams!
00:06:28The whole world has to know our business!
00:06:30Stop yelling and start hacking!
00:06:32I don't need your advice!
00:06:36We have a train against and a boat.
00:06:39Children, put the bundles on the wagon.
00:06:43Work hard, Moulton.
00:06:45Come to us soon.
00:06:48Go on, do it.
00:06:50Why go through life unnoticed?
00:06:53Ruth Gordon, 1896 to 1985.
00:06:56Which scene are you crashing?
00:07:00I promised my dad I wouldn't.
00:07:02Well, some days you have to lie.
00:07:07This next scene's the one I really want to get into.
00:07:09They're forced to leave the little village of Manitavka.
00:07:12So they stand in a circle holding hands, then they let go and go their separate ways.
00:07:16It's symbolic.
00:07:18Terrific!
00:07:19But I don't know how to get in the circle, because they're holding hands.
00:07:23Just do it.
00:07:24You'll figure it out.
00:07:26You gotta go up there and show them what you got.
00:07:35Don't worry about Ernie Saraceno.
00:07:37What can he do?
00:07:39Go on.
00:07:40Make it great.
00:07:41Bring the scene up to your great level.
00:07:44Go.
00:07:46Go.
00:07:54What the hell are you doing?
00:07:57I'm leaving Anitavka.
00:07:59Honey, our electric bill is killing us.
00:08:04Couldn't we raise the temp in the theater a bit?
00:08:06It doesn't need to be like a morgue in there.
00:08:09Cold keeps the audience alert.
00:08:11And it keeps us in debt.
00:08:13I just go to sleep.
00:08:15Seems to me the only thing we ever fight about is money.
00:08:19Well, I'm an American, and I love money.
00:08:25Honestly, though, you know what I'm afraid of, buddy?
00:08:28Silence?
00:08:32Look, we are rich in other ways.
00:08:36And I've got some coals in the fire.
00:08:38Big things are coming.
00:08:42I saw Reverend Jackson.
00:08:49Mace.
00:08:50Millions of people find comfort in God.
00:08:52You act like it's just me.
00:08:54I just don't want to be associated with it.
00:08:57I was raised by two of the meanest, churchiest women I've...
00:09:02I am not your horrible dead aunt.
00:09:03I am your wife.
00:09:05And if you loved me, you would at least be open to it.
00:09:07Well, if you loved me, you wouldn't try to change me.
00:09:09That's because I love you, buddy.
00:09:11It would break my heart to watch you die without God.
00:09:15Sweetie, who says I'm going first?
00:09:21Honestly, I thought I would have worn you down by now.
00:09:25The thought of you in purgatory terrifies me.
00:09:31Good night.
00:09:32Good night.
00:09:33Don't stop talking.
00:09:34You don't always get to have the last word, you know.
00:09:35You're right.
00:09:36Then stop talking.
00:09:37I am.
00:09:38I mean it.
00:09:39I know.
00:09:40Don't say any more.
00:09:41I won't.
00:09:42No.
00:09:45I have to sleep.
00:09:46I have to get up early to make the boys lunches.
00:10:02Sweet dreams.
00:10:03I knew you were going to do that.
00:10:12Hey!
00:10:14Hey!
00:10:16Hey!
00:10:17Oh, that's to Betsy.
00:10:18Do you have to play that thing where we can hear it?
00:10:20Mom, I have to practice or I'll never sound good.
00:10:23You'll never sound good because you're playing a bagpipe.
00:10:26Bagpipes sound like a mistake.
00:10:28Well, who are we bothering?
00:10:30We're making music.
00:10:32That is not music.
00:10:33Those things sounded lousy on stage.
00:10:35They sound worse in life.
00:10:37Alas, come in and get ready for school.
00:10:40I will call the police on you myself.
00:10:42I swear it.
00:10:44Can you at least take joy in the fact of knowing that any minute we might stop?
00:10:51On with the show.
00:10:53Oh.
00:11:14Hey!
00:11:17I was just wondering, how come you never play sports after school?
00:11:20I work at my parents' theater.
00:11:21Theater.
00:11:24I thought theater is just for fags.
00:11:26Not just.
00:11:28Are you a fag?
00:11:30Actually, are you a boy or a girl?
00:11:34You know you're going to hell, right, faggot?
00:11:36You and all of your AIDS-y fag friends are all going to burn in hell.
00:11:42Sodomy, fallatio, carnalingus.
00:11:49Why do these words sound so nasty?
00:11:53Hair.
00:11:541967.
00:11:55Colton McDermott, James Rado, Jerome Ragney.
00:11:58Asshole.
00:11:59Tell him less.
00:12:00It's the age of Aquarius, ma'am.
00:12:02Let the sun shine in, you turd.
00:12:05You are so fucking weird.
00:12:07Yes, I am.
00:12:08For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly grateful.
00:12:20Amen.
00:12:21Ah, I have an announcement.
00:12:28Two words.
00:12:32You ready?
00:12:34Were those them?
00:12:36No.
00:12:39New Jersey.
00:12:40Oh, my God!
00:12:43I haven't even said what's in New Jersey.
00:12:44Les, what are you doing?
00:12:47Just being supportive.
00:12:49Okay.
00:12:51So, I talked with Ed Monroe.
00:12:53The barn theater in New Jersey is ours if we wanted.
00:12:57Now, it's a family decision.
00:12:58We all get a vote.
00:12:59No, no, we're not moving to New Jersey.
00:13:00That's actually a good theater.
00:13:01Like, 1,100 seats.
00:13:02How much are they paying us?
00:13:03Well...
00:13:04No, I...
00:13:05Dad, I like it here.
00:13:06Okay?
00:13:07I like my friends.
00:13:08I like my school.
00:13:09I have a girlfriend.
00:13:10Okay?
00:13:11And I can't...
00:13:12Like, what's the point of doing anything if we always have to start over?
00:13:13Derek!
00:13:14The barn is a summer theater.
00:13:15We'd be back in the fall.
00:13:17I have plans this summer.
00:13:18Les, can you...
00:13:19What?
00:13:20You didn't even let me get to the fun part.
00:13:22Milwaukee.
00:13:24Oh, my God!
00:13:29Ed also owns the Players Theater in Milwaukee now.
00:13:32If we do enough business this summer, he's going to offer us a five-year contract for both theaters.
00:13:40No more season to season!
00:13:42That sounds too good to be true.
00:13:43Yes!
00:13:44Wait, what if we don't do enough business at the barn?
00:13:46Well, then we're screwed.
00:13:47If we all decide to go to the barn, then I have to give notice here so they have time to replace me.
00:13:55And if we don't do enough business this summer, then we end up with...
00:14:02Nothing.
00:14:03Of course.
00:14:04When is it ever easier?
00:14:05I vote no.
00:14:06Okay?
00:14:07Enough.
00:14:08I...
00:14:09All I want to do is play football and lose my virginity.
00:14:12That's not asking a lot.
00:14:13And I can't do either of those things if I'm constantly moving around.
00:14:16I like it here.
00:14:17Okay?
00:14:18Please.
00:14:19Just...
00:14:20Les, how do you vote?
00:14:21I...
00:14:22I vote...
00:14:24that...
00:14:25we leave this ugly town.
00:14:26Okay, so we have one voting to stay, one to leave.
00:14:30Shit.
00:14:31Don't say shit when we're eating.
00:14:32Hey, nobody likes me here, okay?
00:14:34Derek, and you can play football anywhere.
00:14:36You can do better than Annabeth Devine.
00:14:38I didn't want to tell you this, but she told me her favorite Marx brother was Curly.
00:14:42Guess why I don't give a shit who her favorite Marx brother is.
00:14:43Derek, Curly isn't a Marx brother.
00:14:45He's three stooges.
00:14:46That's very telling.
00:14:47What do you think, Mace?
00:14:49No?
00:14:50I mean...
00:14:51No pressure.
00:14:52This is just our entire future.
00:14:54Well, I know how you're gonna vote, and I know how you want me to vote.
00:15:01You're quite adorable when you get keyed up.
00:15:03Oh.
00:15:04I know.
00:15:05You're the biggest liar.
00:15:06You only ever think of yourself.
00:15:08No.
00:15:09That's not true.
00:15:10Just last night, I was up late imagining what it must feel like to be you.
00:15:16Then, I got so bored.
00:15:18Oh!
00:15:19Ah!
00:15:20Five years.
00:15:21Yeah.
00:15:22We could have real lives.
00:15:23Yes.
00:15:25What?
00:15:26You asshole!
00:15:27Help!
00:15:28I'm so afraid to be hopeful.
00:15:30This could be the biggest mistake we've ever made.
00:15:33But Milwaukee could lead to bigger cities.
00:15:36Our name could finally mean something.
00:15:39This is what we've been waiting for.
00:15:41But if it doesn't work, I mean, honey, we'd be living in the car.
00:15:46That's a new low even for us.
00:15:48Mace, it could be great.
00:15:52Well, great is the way I like it.
00:15:56Yes!
00:15:57Yes!
00:15:58Yes!
00:15:59Yes!
00:16:00Yes!
00:16:01Yes!
00:16:02Yes!
00:16:03You alright?
00:16:04Yes, yes, yes!
00:16:07Oh, yes, yes, yes!
00:16:12You all right?
00:16:23I know you're upset.
00:16:25I'm not upset.
00:16:27I'm not going.
00:16:29I'll stay here with Anna Best's family.
00:16:31That is never going to happen.
00:16:34I got a job at Foot Locker.
00:16:36I'll stay with her family, pay her family rent,
00:16:38I'll stay in school.
00:16:39I'm almost 18 anyway.
00:16:40You're 16.
00:16:41I'm happy here.
00:16:42You're gonna be happy there, too.
00:16:43I'm happy here, okay?
00:16:45I hate always saying goodbye to everyone.
00:16:47Well, you won't have to say goodbye for five years.
00:16:50If we even make it there.
00:16:51This is yours less than Mom's dream.
00:16:54Theater, it's all right.
00:16:56Except it's bullshit.
00:16:58It's not real.
00:16:59Real is so overrated, Derek.
00:17:02I have a girlfriend here.
00:17:03Well, you'll have a dozen girlfriends.
00:17:05And that's life.
00:17:06You don't stop at the first one.
00:17:08So I should just sleep around?
00:17:09Is that what you're telling me?
00:17:11Yes.
00:17:13I wish someone would have told me.
00:17:15Look, Derek, you're a great-looking kid.
00:17:18You're not listening.
00:17:19That's the last thing I think about, you know?
00:17:21Did you know that more Playboy Playmates
00:17:23come out of Milwaukee than any other town?
00:17:26That you can't just make things up
00:17:29and then think that they're true.
00:17:31Derek, you have to dream things into happening.
00:17:35You have to dream bigger than you are.
00:17:37And you have to find work that you love.
00:17:41And then you bring that love into work with you.
00:17:44I mean, who would rather work at the Foot Locker
00:17:49when you could work in the theater?
00:17:54Me!
00:17:5513, 14, all bags accounted for.
00:18:03You gonna be okay there, Annabeth?
00:18:05I know.
00:18:06Okay, then.
00:18:11Goodbye, Akron.
00:18:12I will not be back.
00:18:13There are places I like better.
00:18:15Derek!
00:18:16Come on, chop chop.
00:18:18Get the show on the road.
00:18:25Come on.
00:18:26Come on.
00:18:27Come on.
00:18:28Help me.
00:18:29Go on.
00:18:30Go on.
00:18:31Go on.
00:18:32Let's go.
00:18:33Come on.
00:18:34To the boys agree.
00:18:35We're all the way.
00:18:36Baby, what'd I say.
00:18:37We're calling John.
00:18:38Sing it.
00:18:39I got a woman.
00:18:40Down in the tunnel.
00:18:41Trying to make it gray.
00:18:43He got the action.
00:18:44He got the motion.
00:18:46Well, yeah.
00:18:47The boy can play.
00:18:49Dedication.
00:18:50Devotion.
00:18:51Turn it all at nighttime.
00:18:53what's her address out there we're not exactly sure you remember d baskin who played anybody's
00:19:09in west side story in real life too she sells real estate in new jersey now we are going to
00:19:16stay in empty houses d basket selling do the owners know great squatters we're enterprising
00:19:24i'll just tell annabeth to address her letters to empty houses d basket so derek you're handsome
00:19:29we'll be single for an hour wherever we go i don't give a red hot shit about how i look okay
00:19:33i wish everyone would just shut up about how i look what oh my god you got lipstick all over
00:19:39your face shit is it gone yeah oh yeah i am the very model of a modern major general i've
00:19:50information vegetable animal and minnow i know the kings of england's and i quote the fights
00:19:55historic from marathon to waterloo in order categorical i'm very well acquainted too with
00:20:02matters mathematical i understand equations both the simple and quadratical about binomial
00:20:07theorem i'm teaming with a lot of news oh yes with many cheerful facts about the square of the
00:20:14hypotenuse with many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse with many cheerful facts about the
00:20:20square of the hypotenuse with many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse with many cheerful
00:20:22facts about the square of the hypotenuse with many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
00:20:25mom i'm very good at integral and differential calculus i know the scientific names of beings and
00:20:32In short it matters, vegetable, animal and mineral
00:20:35I am the very model of a modern major general
00:20:37In short it matters, vegetable, animal and mineral
00:20:40You use the very model of a modern major general
00:20:43Derek!
00:20:47Derek!
00:20:48Derek?
00:20:50Oh my god
00:20:51I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sycharodox
00:20:54I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox
00:20:57I quote in L.A.G.X all the crimes of Heliogabalus
00:21:00In comics I can form peculiarities
00:21:02Parabalus
00:21:04I can tell undoubted Raphael's from Gerardows and Zophanes
00:21:07I know the croaking chorus from the frogs of Aristophanes
00:21:10Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's pinafore
00:21:13Dinefore, dinefore, dinefore, ah
00:21:16And whistle all the ears from that infernal nonsense pinafore
00:21:20And whistle all the ears from that infernal nonsense pinafore
00:21:23Whistle all the ears from that infernal nonsense pinafore
00:21:25Whistle all the ears from that infernal nonsense pinafore
00:21:29For my military knowledge, though I'm cocky and adventury
00:21:32Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century
00:21:34But still in matter's vegetable, animal and mineral
00:21:37I am the very mortal of a modern major general
00:21:39And I am the very mortal of a modern major
00:21:40For my military knowledge, I am the very mortal of a modern major
00:21:41But still in matter's vegetable, animal and mineral
00:21:42I am the very mortal of a modern major
00:21:43I am my mother who was a part of a modern major
00:21:48The smile you're gonna wear no I don't have a poker face you know that I'm on the show was great
00:22:09yeah but the house wasn't seriously Ed Monroe did not look happy what are we gonna say to Ed
00:22:15congratulations beautiful production buddy oh if you're happy we're happy I'm not happy oh
00:22:22where was the audience oh listen wait until the reviews come out word of mouth will spread
00:22:29we'll be selling out every night we better because this won't do we hear you add we're
00:22:34on it all over it don't worry about a thing buddy honey I want you to be Fred I'll bring
00:22:39my back please no no the first time I kissed a girl she stuck her tongue in my mouth and moved it
00:22:53around I thought she was having a seizure wow Kyle because you know you look like you were born
00:22:59without your virginity so how do you act sexy it's more like thinking hmm you know when I go up to a
00:23:10girl I'm not worrying how will I impress her what am I gonna say no you think one thing very clearly
00:23:18over and over when you approach what I have a foot long penis I have a foot long penis and then just be
00:23:29whatever she wants you to be you're an actor you could do that and it's sexy oh also try and go for
00:23:37the plainer girls who think you're out of their league flattered sex is amazing now you try I have a
00:23:43foot long penis oh really just yeah no really works every time okay you're a very weird kid Les thanks
00:24:13tonight was fun how can you act like we're not in some serious shit right now all I said was
00:24:38tonight was fun Ed Monroe is not happy we are about to lose everything do you even care about
00:24:44your family at all just what we do Macy what do we do we struggle you freak it works out we repeat
00:24:51that is not our thing that is that's a terrible thing but it's ours well it's not the way I see
00:24:57it well how do you see it I see to it we scrape by by any means possible while you promise us this
00:25:03great future it's exhausting buddy I am lonely and it's turning me into some kind of a shrew I'm
00:25:09actually repelling people now and I don't blame them I'm even repelling you we're about to lose
00:25:15everything and you're talking about what fun you had at a party you know it would be nice if just
00:25:21once you showed a little faith in me just a little you you put so much faith in your invisible God well
00:25:29I'm actually here and you have none in me because you promised we'd make it in five years
00:25:34wishing things won't work buddy this is my dream too I have given us a big life a unique one don't
00:25:43treat that like it's nothing and we're not doing so badly no we're doing horribly oh we have kids
00:25:50you wanted to wait so long because you didn't want to make the same mistakes as your mean dead
00:25:55aunts but your mistakes are just as bad we're living hand to mouth in empty houses D Baskin is
00:26:01selling what's your plan B we are not living hand to mouth we are so rich in so many ways but the
00:26:08only thing you ever see is what we don't have yeah well unless we get some butts in those seats I
00:26:12don't know where we're going where are we going buddy as I've said all along we are either all in
00:26:17or we're not I will make this work all right I promise
00:26:23come on go to sleep your mom and I were just rehearsing
00:26:49I don't know how but your mom will blame me if she knows you're still up
00:26:59how old were you when you married mom well you know we don't do age in this house
00:27:05she was so much fun your mom no she really was
00:27:18but she couldn't say I love you unless she really felt it deeply I could say love like other people
00:27:27say envelope so shallow so I admire that in her what was your mom like well I really don't remember her
00:27:37she walked out when I was only four didn't even shut the door I had to live with my aunts Astrid and
00:27:44reliance gone so your mom could be anywhere in the world you'd never know it well people are shits
00:27:56but that's on them how you treat people is more important unless you have a huge capacity for
00:28:05kindness yeah yeah I know I didn't learn anything about love from Astrid and reliance I got all that
00:28:14from your mother yeah and you two monsters can you imagine your mother's face when the money comes in
00:28:24wow oh that would be something
00:28:29I wish I knew how to do it
00:28:35we will
00:28:39I know
00:28:42yeah
00:28:56hey hey I
00:29:11I told Les I'd drop these off to him
00:29:15did he tell you I was coming by
00:29:17no of course not
00:29:18books on acting
00:29:20I don't know if I should thank you or throw them at you
00:29:23I'll tell you what
00:29:26you wash
00:29:26I'll dry
00:29:27then I gotta get to rehearsal
00:29:29deal
00:29:29thank you
00:29:31so
00:29:33what's your story
00:29:35where are you from anyway
00:29:37Arkansas City, Kansas
00:29:39you ever hear of it
00:29:40no never will
00:29:41so what do you do for fun in our Kansas
00:29:44oh think of ways to get out mostly
00:29:47but looking back I was happy then
00:29:50didn't even know it
00:29:52maybe that's just being young
00:29:54but I was queen of the Arkalala Festival
00:29:59oh I knew you looked familiar
00:30:01my nickname growing up was Bigfoot because I was six feet by the time I was twelve so you could have knocked me over when I got that crown
00:30:09it sounds like an honor but pretty slim pickings in Arkansas so I admit it
00:30:15is that where you met buddy
00:30:16no we met at a theater party
00:30:18I think he always thought I was gonna be that kind of party happy
00:30:22and I let him
00:30:24we married a week later
00:30:25it was like there was a spotlight on him anywhere he'd go
00:30:29and he chose me
00:30:31it's hard being the plus one in your own life sometimes though you know
00:30:39I've never felt like a plus one before
00:30:42I don't see him going anywhere
00:30:54no he's not
00:30:57I am
00:30:58rehearsals
00:31:00thanks for the books
00:31:04and in the future when Les is on unemployment
00:31:07we'll think of you
00:31:08thank you for the tour
00:31:35I've been looking for a really nice place to worship
00:31:38you're very welcome here
00:31:40oh
00:31:40anytime
00:31:41thank you
00:31:42how many parishioners do you have here
00:31:44I would say 120
00:31:46oh
00:31:48well it's a start
00:31:50very nice
00:31:52Rabbi how many members are there in the temple's congregation
00:31:56I mean the masonry itself is just spectacular
00:32:00as the newest member of the Ascension Greek Orthodox Church
00:32:07I would love to organize a theater party for all our parishioners
00:32:11so Catholics can come to our productions at a much reduced rate
00:32:16seeing that I'm one of you now
00:32:19Buddy
00:32:21that's horrible
00:32:22how many churches did you join
00:32:2511
00:32:25what you're always after me to join the church
00:32:29Buddy
00:32:30it's a sin
00:32:31to lie to a man of the cloth
00:32:33who lied
00:32:34I said I wanted to join the church
00:32:36I joined
00:32:37well you're sending yourself to hell
00:32:39I hope you know that
00:32:40straight to hell
00:32:41I'm doubling our subscriptions
00:32:42seriously
00:32:46yes
00:32:47I bet I could get us a balcony full of Episcopalians
00:33:05yes
00:33:06holy cow
00:33:07oh
00:33:08oh my god you look
00:33:12exactly like the girl I married
00:33:14wow
00:33:16or maybe we always see the people we love
00:33:20the way they looked
00:33:21when we first fell in love with them
00:33:22I'm not like that girl
00:33:23oh you're not
00:33:24you said holy cow
00:33:27maybe you don't say it but I do
00:33:29you just want to see it
00:33:30I told you I was going to make this happen Macy
00:33:35you're very sexy when you get all self-starty
00:33:42wow
00:33:43get used to that
00:33:45what
00:33:48what are you doing
00:33:50come here
00:33:51what
00:33:52we have just enough time for a quickie
00:33:53what
00:33:54come on right here on the counter
00:33:56we'll turn off the lights save on the electricity bill
00:33:59Macy
00:34:01what no we can't we don't have time
00:34:03five minutes tops
00:34:04look Les couldn't be here any second
00:34:06with with Fritzie and Lao Tzu and the rest of the game
00:34:09the game is less ever on time
00:34:10oh my god
00:34:12you are my favorite wife ever
00:34:18oof
00:34:22I'm gonna go to the store to get beer for everyone
00:34:26Macy this is the best brownie I've ever had in my entire mouth
00:34:36dad can we do a bar time when we get to Milwaukee
00:34:39if we get to Milwaukee
00:34:40honestly Les you only ever want to do plays with parts for you in it
00:34:43well you gotta audition like everyone else
00:34:46work
00:34:46Barbara Streisand made me her Brooklyn brownie when I was with the Broadway company of funny girl
00:34:50doesn't compare to theirs
00:34:52they always make me audition
00:34:54I hate auditioning for them
00:34:55Kyle
00:34:56you're the first person who didn't look impressed when I happened to mention I worked with Barbara
00:35:00and they always say the same thing after every audition
00:35:02thank you Les we'll call you
00:35:05you know they never call
00:35:07I have to audition again tomorrow
00:35:08Brighton Beach Memoirs
00:35:10it's the lead
00:35:11I was the first to replace Stray Kosh in the original show
00:35:14does that make me too old for you
00:35:16no it's your age that does
00:35:18that's my beeper
00:35:21oh gotta check my answering service
00:35:23oh maybe it's your big break
00:35:25yeah
00:35:26hey Macy can I use your phone
00:35:28oh of course
00:35:29relax dear
00:35:32you're placed for my team not yours
00:35:33there you go
00:35:36you got it
00:35:37less smart
00:35:48it's Lester
00:35:51whenever you're ready Lester
00:36:01yeah
00:36:03one
00:36:05two
00:36:05shoulders up
00:36:06singular sensation
00:36:08point
00:36:08point
00:36:09head to the head
00:36:10three
00:36:11four
00:36:11one
00:36:12elbow right down
00:36:13brilliant combination
00:36:14every move that she makes
00:36:17step
00:36:17brush
00:36:17three
00:36:18four
00:36:18one smile and suddenly nobody else
00:36:22step flick
00:36:23step up
00:36:24step and step
00:36:24slow
00:36:25you know you'll never be lonely
00:36:28with you
00:36:30no
00:36:30five
00:36:31six
00:36:32back
00:36:32back
00:36:33just to three
00:36:34find your light
00:36:35pop
00:36:35good
00:36:36and you can't forget the rest
00:36:38for the girl is second best
00:36:42tuna
00:36:44and
00:36:45sun
00:36:46ooh
00:36:47sigh
00:36:48give her your attention
00:36:50do
00:36:51I
00:36:52really have to mention
00:36:54she's the one
00:36:59when do we hear about Milwaukee
00:37:05there's somebody for something already
00:37:07Derek
00:37:09what are you gonna do when the money comes in
00:37:12when the money comes in
00:37:15yeah
00:37:15I'm gonna get green bay season tickets
00:37:17right at the 50 yard line
00:37:19I mean
00:37:19everyone's writing them off
00:37:20but I don't know
00:37:21well
00:37:24what are we gonna do if Milwaukee doesn't happen
00:37:26oh
00:37:27it will happen
00:37:28everything's gonna be great
00:37:31but I mean like
00:37:32do we
00:37:33do we have a place to go
00:37:34because
00:37:34eventually
00:37:35D-Baskin's gonna sell a house
00:37:36no
00:37:36we are all in on this one
00:37:38but
00:37:39the bigger the risk
00:37:41the bigger the reward
00:37:42the bigger the loss
00:37:44I mean
00:37:45how
00:37:46how will we even pay for food
00:37:48theater tickets
00:37:49you gotta have a little faith Derek
00:37:52you might ask yourself
00:37:53why can't I be more like Les
00:37:56hmm
00:37:56some more like me
00:37:57he's
00:37:58got a positive attitude
00:37:59he has faith
00:38:01that we're gonna end up in Milwaukee
00:38:02don't you ask
00:38:03nope
00:38:04thanks
00:38:06very funny
00:38:08watch out for the pothole
00:38:10hmm
00:38:10a pothole
00:38:11a pothole
00:38:11right
00:38:11sorry
00:38:13really
00:38:14Derek
00:38:16I need to talk to you
00:38:18about all the girls
00:38:19that you've been kissing on lately
00:38:21no
00:38:21no you don't
00:38:22yes I do
00:38:23your mother and I think
00:38:24you're being a slut
00:38:25no look
00:38:25you told me to sleep around
00:38:27okay
00:38:27it's exactly what you said
00:38:28word for word
00:38:29have a big life
00:38:30you said
00:38:31you wish someone had told you
00:38:32that doesn't mean
00:38:32you sleep around with every girl
00:38:34from Secaucus to Paramus
00:38:36I mean there's horny
00:38:37and then there's pervy
00:38:38watch out for the pothole
00:38:40you see it
00:38:41right there
00:38:41dad he's doing it on purpose
00:38:43shut up
00:38:45oh
00:38:45if you have sex
00:38:47without a condom
00:38:47your mom's gonna cut your balls off
00:38:49I think this talk went well
00:38:55Derek
00:38:58can you drop me off
00:38:58at the theater
00:38:59all right Lester
00:39:08have fun
00:39:09Lester darling
00:39:25how did you know
00:39:27I'd be here
00:39:28Tallulah Bankhead
00:39:291902 to 1968
00:39:31you look ghastly
00:39:33less darling
00:39:34what's the matter
00:39:35I'm just waiting
00:39:37to see if I got a part
00:39:38and
00:39:38it's a long story
00:39:40Tallulah
00:39:41and I'm not sure
00:39:42how I come out
00:39:42at the end of it
00:39:43champagne
00:39:44I meant for me
00:39:46plus Derek's making out
00:39:51like a bandit
00:39:51and it's just got me thinking
00:39:53I don't know
00:39:53what to tell you
00:39:54I've been with many men
00:39:55and I've been with many women
00:39:57and darling
00:39:58there has got
00:39:59to be something better
00:40:01did you hear that?
00:40:04I'm sorry I didn't see anything
00:40:25oh shit
00:40:26Les
00:40:29Les
00:40:29Les
00:40:39wait
00:40:39please
00:40:40Les
00:40:41Les
00:40:41no
00:40:42what
00:40:44what
00:40:45what happened
00:40:46what's wrong
00:40:47what
00:40:48what are you
00:40:50who's on the phone
00:40:51we got Milwaukee
00:40:58I got the call
00:41:01Milwaukee
00:41:03five years
00:41:06we are set
00:41:07for the next full five years
00:41:09oh my god
00:41:10champagne
00:41:12we need champagne
00:41:14lots of it
00:41:14we are celebrating
00:41:15big time
00:41:16big time
00:41:16you know why Les
00:41:17it's not just because
00:41:18of the phone call
00:41:19Les
00:41:20I should probably go
00:41:22through your people
00:41:23I know
00:41:23but I can't wait
00:41:24you got the role
00:41:28what
00:41:30what the role
00:41:32Brighton Beach memoirs
00:41:34you got the role
00:41:35you were the best actor
00:41:37truly
00:41:37there was no nepotism involved
00:41:40oh
00:41:45there you go
00:41:48yes
00:41:48let it out
00:41:49you deserve it
00:41:51oh
00:41:52I'm so proud of you
00:41:53congratulations
00:41:55you want to go to the store with me
00:41:59no it's okay
00:42:01it's okay
00:42:01you know what
00:42:03this is a turning point
00:42:06for our family
00:42:07woo
00:42:11awesome
00:42:17welcome
00:42:29do you have any decent champagne
00:42:33indecent only
00:42:35everyone's a comedian
00:42:37there we go
00:42:41hmm
00:42:46hmm
00:42:48no no no no
00:43:05well
00:43:21okay
00:43:25okay
00:43:27wait
00:43:28okay
00:43:29okay
00:43:30okay
00:43:30wall
00:43:31we're going to work
00:43:32so
00:43:33welcome in the name of jesus we are gathered to worship to proclaim christ crucified
00:43:54and reason to remember before god our brother body smart to give thanks for his life
00:44:03to commend him to our merciful redeemer and to comfort one another in our grief the grace of
00:44:11our lord jesus christ and the communion of the holy spirit oh god of grace and glory
00:44:17we remember before you today our brother
00:44:21oh
00:44:25oh
00:44:27oh
00:44:29oh
00:44:33oh
00:44:35oh
00:44:37oh
00:44:39oh
00:44:41oh
00:44:43Oh, Bill.
00:44:49You're miserable.
00:44:51You remember Mr. Patterson?
00:44:54I don't know. I realize.
00:44:57Oh, I attacked her.
00:45:01Boys, I'm so sorry for your loss.
00:45:06And Macy, he lived life exactly the way he wanted.
00:45:11That's a gift.
00:45:13No one could ever tell Buddy what to do.
00:45:16I could, and did.
00:45:18But he didn't listen anyway.
00:45:20Clearly I couldn't.
00:45:22Dr. Kanankeiser, thank you for coming all that way.
00:45:24I'm just so overwhelmed by how many people showed up.
00:45:29I wish Buddy could have seen it.
00:45:32He left the packed house.
00:45:33Buddy did.
00:45:35Doctor, what couldn't you tell Buddy to do?
00:45:40Well, you know, retire.
00:45:42Because of his heart.
00:45:44Okay.
00:45:44I don't know.
00:45:47I don't know.
00:45:48I worry.
00:45:49I don't know.
00:45:50You don't know.
00:45:50Let's go.
00:46:20Miss Martz, if you were trying for someone else, we beg your pardon, I will recite a poem if you leave a message.
00:46:28There once was a woman from Devizes, whose breasts were of different sizes.
00:46:34One was quite small, it was nothing at all.
00:46:37The other was huge and won prizes.
00:46:40Your turn.
00:46:50If you could read my mind, love, what a tale my thoughts could tell.
00:46:59Just like an old time movie about a ghost from a wishing well.
00:47:05In a castle dark, or a fortress strong, with chains upon my feet.
00:47:15You know that ghost is me.
00:47:18And I will never be set free, as long as I'm a ghost, you can't see.
00:47:28Mom.
00:47:36Did he talk to you about me playing football in Milwaukee?
00:47:41He said I could.
00:47:43He said if we got there, that there would be security, so I wouldn't have to work at the theater anymore.
00:47:50He promised.
00:47:50You don't have to work at the theater anymore, Derek.
00:47:53What about the theater in Milwaukee?
00:47:55Look, I really tried, but your father had a contract there, not us.
00:47:59We're not going to Milwaukee.
00:48:00We're going home.
00:48:04Home?
00:48:05Yeah.
00:48:05You can play football in Kansas.
00:48:07My brother said we could stay with him on his farm.
00:48:10On his farm?
00:48:12We're living on a farm?
00:48:14What are we, cowpoke?
00:48:16What am I supposed to do in fucking Kansas?
00:48:18Hey, you can start by watching your mouth.
00:48:20It's physically impossible to watch your mouth.
00:48:22We don't have options.
00:48:24You might even like it there, Les.
00:48:25It'll be like living in the Wizard of Oz.
00:48:27In the black and white section of the Wizard of Oz.
00:48:30No one wants to live in that section.
00:48:32Just keep an open mind.
00:48:33Kansas is famous for twisters and being white.
00:48:36We don't have any place else to go.
00:48:38I am doing the best I can for us.
00:48:41You're just going to have to accept it, Les.
00:48:46The motto of the state of Kansas is to the stars through difficulties.
00:49:08Seems to me you've all had your share of difficulties.
00:49:11Hey, what do you boys like to do for fun, huh?
00:49:21Les loves theater, like his dad.
00:49:24I don't know about theaters much, but we have a Renaissance fair with costumes, mermaids,
00:49:33and fire spitters.
00:49:35The church puts on a nativity tableau each year, and that's, you know, kind of theater-y.
00:49:43It's not even amateur theater.
00:49:45Um, what about football?
00:49:51Oh, yeah, we love our football in Kansas, and we're really bad at it.
00:49:56We got national parks and national forests and, uh...
00:50:02Macy, what do you say I take the boys hunting tomorrow?
00:50:05Really?
00:50:06Arming them?
00:50:07Well, I know the girls never wanted to go, but I bet your boys would.
00:50:10I'm not some psycho serial killer shooting and killing things.
00:50:15My dad just died.
00:50:17Les, I know that, but people here feel differently.
00:50:22Out here, gun control means hitting what you aim at.
00:50:27People out here, they love their guns.
00:50:30People followed Hitler, too.
00:50:31Jesus.
00:50:32Oh, yeah, you think that's a fair comparison?
00:50:34I don't give a shit about being fair.
00:50:36Les.
00:50:37Well, you can suit yourself.
00:50:43You're free to stay, and you're free to go.
00:50:47No one's holding you prisoner.
00:50:50But we clear our own plates in this house.
00:51:01What part of we don't have anywhere else to go was unclear?
00:51:04You all right?
00:51:18No.
00:51:19I don't think I'm me anymore without my dad.
00:51:22I'm never gonna find my people in Kansas.
00:51:27You haven't even been here a day.
00:51:31This is an opportunity.
00:51:33You start a new school next week?
00:51:37High school?
00:51:39Just try fitting in, huh?
00:51:41Having a normal life isn't a sin.
00:51:46Les, you need to let me explain.
00:51:53I love your father.
00:51:54Just go away.
00:51:55I just want to see it.
00:51:56But for the longest time, everybody looked at me like I was dull and serious and not worth knowing.
00:52:07And I never used to be any of those things.
00:52:10Even you looked at me like that, Les.
00:52:12Your dad, he saw someone that didn't exist anymore, and I just, I just wanted to be seen, and Kyle saw me.
00:52:21Saw you with his penis?
00:52:23I made a really bad decision, and I made it deliberately, and I wish to God it was just my secret, and you didn't know.
00:52:34I'm so sorry, Les.
00:52:36I love you, sweetheart.
00:52:46I love you, sweetheart.
00:52:46Hey, Les.
00:53:03Can I tell you something?
00:53:06Kansas was my real inspiration, you know.
00:53:08William Inge, 1913 to 1973.
00:53:14If you look at my plays, Les, they're all about my life here.
00:53:18Kansas turned me into a real artist.
00:53:22You could be an artist, too.
00:53:24You could be as happy as I was here if you just give it a try.
00:53:29Didn't you kill yourself?
00:53:33Well.
00:53:38Run, run, run, run, run away now, God, you run away from me.
00:53:51Whistle, go, and pick the back of guns, like you choke down, is what you're all about to see.
00:53:56Knees on the gas, burn the pressure, and the metal, God, you can't get me.
00:54:00Nice shirt.
00:54:02Thanks.
00:54:03Listen to the doctor, feel good yet?
00:54:06Pretty good.
00:54:06Better than girls, girls, girls.
00:54:11Alex.
00:54:12Derek.
00:54:14Johnny.
00:54:15New?
00:54:15Yeah.
00:54:16Cool.
00:54:21Seriously?
00:54:27Interesting.
00:54:27I thought I would have gone.
00:54:29I mean, my brother.
00:54:30Yeah, no, she's just pet.
00:54:31This is, uh, my brother, Les.
00:54:35Yo.
00:54:36Am I seeing things or did Selina Roach get, like, totally hot over break?
00:54:45Oh, man, look at her.
00:54:48She looks kind of slutty.
00:54:49Right?
00:54:50Right?
00:54:51Yeah, I love sluts.
00:54:52She is totally third base, man.
00:54:55You know, when I pick up girls, I think one thing, very clearly, over and over.
00:55:01What?
00:55:01I have a foot-long penis.
00:55:04Yeah, watch.
00:55:06No way.
00:55:14Lane, what's so funny?
00:55:16What are they saying about me?
00:55:18My brother would think you're a fox.
00:55:20He's the guy you're watching, like, a TV set.
00:55:21Yeah, I'm so sure.
00:55:24Not really my type.
00:55:27What kind of girl does he like?
00:55:28New.
00:55:32Blush.
00:55:34Okay.
00:55:35Selina.
00:55:36Well, you shouldn't be drinking like that.
00:55:48I'm using a glass.
00:55:50No.
00:55:51No, I should absolutely be drinking, okay?
00:55:53I yelled at Buddy over and over to have a plan B.
00:55:57I have no plan.
00:55:59I was an awful wife.
00:56:01My kids are miserable.
00:56:02Give me one good reason why I shouldn't be drinking.
00:56:04I meant you shouldn't be drinking alone.
00:56:12My mistake.
00:56:12Okay.
00:56:23Why'd you stop talking to me?
00:56:29Well, I'm pretty sure we're talking now.
00:56:31You stopped returning calls.
00:56:33You stopped writing.
00:56:34No, I didn't.
00:56:35Yes, you did.
00:56:36Well, you look terrible.
00:56:38Well, I feel terrible, Walter.
00:56:40Well, you...
00:56:40You look it.
00:56:48Look.
00:56:50I read three different articles this week
00:56:53about food allergies.
00:56:56Three.
00:56:57Now, that can't be a coincidence.
00:57:00They say what you eat
00:57:02directly contributes to how you feel.
00:57:04You can be allergic to something,
00:57:07and it causes mood swings,
00:57:10and you are aware of it.
00:57:11That's not this.
00:57:13Look, there is a man in Enid, Oklahoma,
00:57:16who cut his wife up in a salad bowl
00:57:18because he's allergic to dairy.
00:57:20All three articles talked about him.
00:57:22Walter.
00:57:23No, all I'm saying is,
00:57:25aside from Buddy,
00:57:27the uncertainty,
00:57:29the overwhelming emotions...
00:57:32Yeah?
00:57:36Could all be tuna.
00:57:38Glad you could ditch with me.
00:57:45I always ditch pee.
00:57:47How long have you lived here?
00:57:49God, too long.
00:57:51I know everything everyone's gonna say
00:57:53before they say it.
00:57:55I'm tolerable.
00:57:56I'm moving to L.A.
00:57:58first chance I get.
00:57:59Debbie Gibson can be a rock star.
00:58:01I'm giving myself five years
00:58:03to make it in New York.
00:58:04Going to an acting school,
00:58:05where they don't just teach acting
00:58:06and how to become rich
00:58:08and be fascinating.
00:58:10My dad said they had those in New York.
00:58:12Wait, you're gay?
00:58:16What?
00:58:18All actors are just
00:58:20a little bit gay.
00:58:25Do you want to touch my boob?
00:58:26Under the shirt.
00:58:40Hey, your brother seems way cool.
00:58:42You have a girlfriend?
00:58:43Uh-uh.
00:58:45Okay, it doesn't screw off Les.
00:58:46That's enough.
00:58:47I saw hair when I was eight
00:58:52because my dad said he'd rather
00:58:54I learn about sex in the theater
00:58:56than the street.
00:58:57People here are obsessed with sex.
00:59:00You know, I'm an AP calculus.
00:59:03No one ever talks about that.
00:59:05I know what the guys here say about me,
00:59:07but I'm not doing anything
00:59:08they're not doing.
00:59:09Anything they wish they were doing.
00:59:11Exactly.
00:59:13Intolerable.
00:59:13Yeah, it just really upsets people here
00:59:17that I have a working brain
00:59:18and a working vagina.
00:59:21Yeah.
00:59:25Intolerable.
00:59:27Intolerable.
00:59:34On a hill far away
00:59:38Stood an old rugged cross
00:59:42Thank you so much for coming today.
01:00:09Pastor Ellis, Macy Smart.
01:00:10Oh, hi, Macy.
01:00:11I hear the church
01:00:12is looking for a bookkeeper.
01:00:13Yes, actually.
01:00:15Our Miss Rowbottom
01:00:16is leaving us to get married.
01:00:17I have over 15 years experience
01:00:19in bookkeeping
01:00:20for my husband.
01:00:21Okay, and your husband is a...
01:00:23Dead, yes.
01:00:24Oh.
01:00:25His number came up
01:00:26as we say in bookkeeping.
01:00:28I see.
01:00:29Look,
01:00:30apparently I'm a control freak
01:00:32with control over
01:00:33absolutely nothing in my life
01:00:34and I'm also seemingly
01:00:36dull and uninteresting
01:00:37so perfect for the job.
01:00:38I'll see what we can do, Macy.
01:00:44It was a lot of this.
01:00:45Watch.
01:00:46Double take.
01:00:48Triple take.
01:00:50It was so...
01:00:51Oh, my God.
01:00:52It was like serving time
01:00:53in thespian jail.
01:00:54And the more I tried to escape,
01:00:55the more musicals
01:00:56they put me in.
01:00:57That's bizarre, dude.
01:00:58I know, and I'm fantasizing
01:00:59about football and tackling
01:01:01and for real,
01:01:02this is what they have me doing
01:01:03on stage,
01:01:04in front of everyone,
01:01:05eight shows a week.
01:01:06Triple time stabbing.
01:01:08Stop.
01:01:09It wasn't actually like that.
01:01:12It was actually really great.
01:01:14Come on.
01:01:15Moon, June,
01:01:16croon, tune,
01:01:17and the feelings bullshit.
01:01:19It was so corny
01:01:20and embarrassing.
01:01:20Like, I never told
01:01:21any of my friends
01:01:22what I was doing
01:01:22because I know
01:01:23I'd never live it down.
01:01:24It wasn't corny.
01:01:25It was corn
01:01:26right off the cob, Les.
01:01:27You just weren't good at it.
01:01:32Everything's different up there.
01:01:34The energy,
01:01:35the intensity.
01:01:36You connect with everybody
01:01:37simultaneously
01:01:38and bring them together.
01:01:40That's the opposite of corny.
01:01:43We were good.
01:01:44No.
01:01:45We were terrible, Les.
01:01:47Dad told you we were good
01:01:48and you believed him.
01:01:51No, we were a joke.
01:01:53And Dad picked that joke over us.
01:01:56And he died for it.
01:02:00I mean, he wanted to be good,
01:02:01but he got to face the truth.
01:02:03Dad was the joke.
01:02:06Dad was fucking tragic.
01:02:09Take it back!
01:02:14Dad went after what he loved,
01:02:15100%.
01:02:16Dad worked, and that's brave.
01:02:18We were special.
01:02:19You weren't.
01:02:21That's not Dad's fault.
01:02:23You're just a boring,
01:02:25ordinary asshole, Derek.
01:02:31Dad wasn't tragic!
01:02:32You're special.
01:02:40What are you and Derek
01:02:49fighting about?
01:02:54I'm not talking about it with you.
01:02:57Okay.
01:02:59Why not?
01:03:01Because you cheated on Dad.
01:03:02Is that what you and Derek
01:03:08are fighting about?
01:03:10You know,
01:03:11I'm gonna be so famous,
01:03:14everyone's gonna piss themselves
01:03:16wishing they were nicer to me.
01:03:17When the money comes in,
01:03:19I'm gonna make Kyle my assistant
01:03:21and treat him terrible.
01:03:23No matter what he does,
01:03:24it's not good enough.
01:03:26And when it's time to give him a raise,
01:03:27I'm gonna fire him.
01:03:28Okay.
01:03:32You wanna join me here
01:03:33in reality for a second?
01:03:34Reality sucks.
01:03:35It's better in my head.
01:03:36But it's not real.
01:03:37It's better.
01:03:38It's not.
01:03:39It's braver to face things head on.
01:03:43Artists appreciate truth.
01:03:46You're not an artist.
01:03:48Your dreams never happen,
01:03:50so now you don't dream at all.
01:03:51That's the opposite of brave.
01:03:53No.
01:03:54You don't dream
01:03:55when you're just trying
01:03:56to survive less.
01:03:57That's exactly when you do.
01:03:59No.
01:03:59You face facts
01:04:01and you deal with them.
01:04:03Your dreams are fine,
01:04:04but dreams can also destroy you.
01:04:06I am trying
01:04:07to protect you less.
01:04:10That's my job.
01:04:12You're limiting me.
01:04:13No.
01:04:13You want me to pick
01:04:14the safest, smallest life possible.
01:04:17I mean...
01:04:18I'm giving myself five years
01:04:20to make it in New York.
01:04:21I'm not gonna be small
01:04:22and simple like you.
01:04:24I'm going after what I want
01:04:28and I'm dreaming fucking big,
01:04:31just like my dad.
01:04:37You're not ever gonna forgive me,
01:04:39are you?
01:04:39You have everything you need?
01:05:02Really?
01:05:03Well, you know what I mean.
01:05:07I'm fine.
01:05:10Really?
01:05:12You know what I mean.
01:05:14Come in.
01:05:15You think you're gonna stay?
01:05:27I don't know what to think.
01:05:29I'm just...
01:05:32questioning everything.
01:05:37Yeah.
01:05:38Can't even pray.
01:05:41Why would I pray to a God
01:05:42that let Buddy die without faith?
01:05:46Plus, Buddy knew he was sick.
01:05:49He pretended he was fine.
01:05:50He never let on.
01:05:52Hmm.
01:05:53I didn't know Buddy well,
01:05:57but, uh...
01:05:59I guess he didn't want you to worry.
01:06:02He warned him.
01:06:03Buddy and his big dreams.
01:06:06That's what killed him.
01:06:07And I...
01:06:08I...
01:06:08I must have known on some level
01:06:10because I kept begging him.
01:06:13I don't know how to forgive him.
01:06:16I can't forgive myself.
01:06:19Hmm.
01:06:19I don't know how to live my life now without God.
01:06:25You know, growing up,
01:06:27I always wanted to protect you,
01:06:31but you never needed it.
01:06:36Who knew I'd be so bad at it?
01:06:39No.
01:06:41Yeah.
01:06:42Say, what do you suppose Buddy
01:06:44would say about all this?
01:06:50On with the show.
01:06:52Hmm.
01:06:57I know what you've heard about me.
01:07:00I don't, you know?
01:07:02They all just say they've been with me
01:07:04because they don't want to be
01:07:05the only one who hasn't.
01:07:07All of them.
01:07:10It's all good.
01:07:13You know, I don't say anything
01:07:14because, uh...
01:07:17you do what you have to
01:07:18when your last name's Roach.
01:07:20And, you know, I don't care.
01:07:22It doesn't bother me.
01:07:22I...
01:07:23I'm leaving town anyway.
01:07:26Moving to L.A. to become a singer.
01:07:28Well, don't go.
01:07:30I just got here.
01:07:32Well, you're messed up, huh?
01:07:34Well...
01:07:34I am not messed up.
01:07:36No?
01:07:38No.
01:07:38Yeah.
01:07:39Sorry.
01:07:40No, I'm...
01:07:41Okay, yeah, I am.
01:07:42Yeah.
01:07:43I am messed up.
01:07:43Sure.
01:07:46Okay, slow down.
01:07:56All right.
01:08:03Yep.
01:08:04L.A.
01:08:05Actually, we, um...
01:08:10We moved here from Milwaukee.
01:08:12Yeah, my dad's in, uh, manufacturing.
01:08:16He worked at the Maybelline Cosmetics factory
01:08:18until it shut down there.
01:08:20Didn't even get a fucking lipstick out of it.
01:08:24What?
01:08:26Did you know
01:08:27that more Playboy playmates
01:08:29come from Milwaukee
01:08:30and...
01:08:31Shit.
01:08:39Shit.
01:08:53My dad.
01:08:53What's wrong?
01:08:55I just...
01:08:57I don't even miss my dad.
01:08:59I don't miss him.
01:09:09I just...
01:09:11My dad, um...
01:09:17Okay.
01:09:19Well, um...
01:09:21I still want to, so...
01:09:25You can if you want.
01:09:35Okay, yeah, Derek.
01:09:37Off. I have to get home.
01:09:41What happened?
01:09:43You don't remember?
01:09:45What?
01:09:47Whatever, just take me home.
01:09:49Wait.
01:09:51We didn't...
01:09:55I lost my virginity, and I don't even remember?
01:09:59You were a virgin?
01:10:01You couldn't tell?
01:10:03I don't know.
01:10:09I'm trying.
01:10:11I'm trying.
01:10:13I'm trying.
01:10:15I'm trying.
01:10:17I'm trying.
01:10:19I'm trying.
01:10:25Macy, everything all right?
01:10:27If everything's sunshine and Santa Claus, Pastor, why do you ask?
01:10:31Well, the high school just called, and they want to know if you come in at one to talk about Les.
01:10:35Oh, uh, well, he's having a little trouble adjusting.
01:10:41You know, the church has a pretty big outreach, so, you know, you don't have to do all this alone, Macy.
01:10:49Well, I'm taking a vacation from church.
01:10:51Well, you're literally working for a church.
01:10:55Well, I'm not working very hard.
01:10:59Look, I just meant that I know how messy it all is, and, you know, if you needed help, I'm sure the church could spring for an analyst.
01:11:11I do not need an analyst.
01:11:13I do not need an analyst.
01:11:15I face things head-on.
01:11:17That's what I do.
01:11:19You know what?
01:11:21I hide in the background, keep my mouth shut, and get things done.
01:11:23If anything, I am too sensible.
01:11:25Too safe.
01:11:27As a matter of fact, I resent this entire conversation.
01:11:29I keep a tight rein on things.
01:11:31I am managing just fine.
01:11:33Thank you very much.
01:11:35I know.
01:11:36I was talking about a financial analyst.
01:11:38I was talking about the books, Macy.
01:11:40I'll let you finish up.
01:11:47He said what now?
01:12:00God doesn't exist.
01:12:02What class was this for?
01:12:04P.E.
01:12:05P.E.
01:12:06Coach Gifford was saying that it would take an act of God for less to pass P.E. if he continues the way he is.
01:12:13And he responded with...
01:12:14Did the coach ask him what he does believe in?
01:12:17Because I'd like to know.
01:12:18That is a pretty bold statement.
01:12:20What...
01:12:21What do you believe in if not God?
01:12:24I don't know.
01:12:25Just...
01:12:26Me.
01:12:27I guess.
01:12:28You're 14.
01:12:29You're 14 years old.
01:12:30I know.
01:12:31I know.
01:12:32That is...
01:12:33I second guess myself every 15 minutes.
01:12:34That's an extraordinary statement for a 14-year-old.
01:12:35You're smart.
01:12:36Who thinks like that at 14?
01:12:37I don't think you understand.
01:12:38His dad had trouble with God too.
01:12:39Les takes after him.
01:12:40And he hates the hell out of me right now.
01:12:53But God bless you, Les, if you'll excuse the expression, because I know how you feel about him.
01:12:59But it's a little like having his dad back.
01:13:02I don't think you understand, Mrs. Smart.
01:13:04If he continues this way, there's a good chance that Les will fail P.E.
01:13:08Oh, he's failing P.E.
01:13:10Just wrap your head around that.
01:13:12But he'll make it up in another way.
01:13:14It'll be fine.
01:13:15He could be the, um, the football team's mascot, maybe.
01:13:18We're still, um...
01:13:20Um...
01:13:21What are we?
01:13:22The Beavers.
01:13:23Beavers!
01:13:24Dress him up like a beaver!
01:13:25You're kidding.
01:13:31Mom, are you drunk?
01:13:35Do not talk to me like that.
01:13:37No, you don't.
01:13:40Can you believe he's...
01:13:42This is not about me.
01:13:43This is just...
01:13:48You probably like lox for breakfast, but there's no salmon fishing near here.
01:13:53Now, bass toast is an undiscovered meal you're gonna love.
01:13:59Say, how do you like your school?
01:14:05They don't get me here.
01:14:08You think I'd give a shit if people get me?
01:14:12You are who you are.
01:14:15That's it.
01:14:16Maybe they'll, uh...
01:14:18They'll get you tomorrow.
01:14:23Maybe they'll catch up.
01:14:25The thing of it is, by the time they do, you won't give a shit either.
01:14:30Mm.
01:14:36How come you stopped seeing each other?
01:14:38You and Mom?
01:14:41Because we're idiots.
01:14:43I was so pissed off when she left town with your dad.
01:14:50She was engaged to my best friend, and I couldn't understand how she turned her back on all of us for a guy she'd known for like a week.
01:14:59And nobody saw it coming.
01:15:02Uh...
01:15:04We fought and just, uh, measured and doled out the exact amount of love and affection we thought the other was given and gave that exact amount back.
01:15:16This stupid shit.
01:15:18Hey, you want, uh...
01:15:23A little butter or cream cheese?
01:15:27On bass?
01:15:28Yep.
01:15:30Butter?
01:15:34I stayed put here all my life.
01:15:36Freaking...
01:15:38Kansas man.
01:15:42I don't know, maybe she was smart.
01:15:50You should make up with your brother.
01:15:52She's falling down a rabbit hole, and I don't know how to help.
01:16:04I'm gonna don't know how to help.
01:16:05I don't know how to help with your brother, too.
01:16:08And I'm like, okay, why would my sister grow up with him?
01:16:10I don't know how to help.
01:16:11I don't know how to help us.
01:16:12I don't know how to help.
01:16:13I know.
01:16:14I'm not alone.
01:16:15I don't know how to help us.
01:16:16I hope she's touching her.
01:16:17It's a good idea.
01:16:18Oh, for God's sake.
01:16:26You would make the worst spies ever.
01:16:29Happy birthday.
01:16:30Happy birthday.
01:16:31Oh, yay.
01:16:35Another year older.
01:16:37Here's to the decay of my body and growing old alone.
01:16:40Here, this came in the mail a few days ago.
01:16:44Oh, Derek, would you open that?
01:16:49Your mother is hung.
01:16:51That's a line from Auntie May.
01:16:52Oh, it's just a line from Life Now.
01:16:54I forgot all that.
01:16:56It's a Bible.
01:16:58It's probably from one of the many churches in Jersey.
01:17:01Let me see.
01:17:06Nice Bible.
01:17:14I don't understand.
01:17:31Who's it from?
01:17:34Buddy.
01:17:37Let me see the postmark.
01:17:38Really?
01:17:39You think it's going to say kingdom come?
01:17:41Akron, Ohio.
01:17:44Yeah, it was forwarded from our last address.
01:17:47I remember him getting it.
01:17:50It's engraved.
01:17:52Leather bound.
01:17:53He spent money on this.
01:17:55We were in the bookstore.
01:17:57It was kind of random.
01:18:00But the effort he went to...
01:18:05Made him really happy.
01:18:06Then, I mean, on...
01:18:10I...
01:18:11On some level, for him to give me this, I mean...
01:18:21Maybe he accepted God a little.
01:18:27Maybe even just for my sake.
01:18:29Right?
01:18:32Yeah.
01:18:33Okay.
01:18:36Okay, wait.
01:18:37Wait, wait.
01:18:44We're going to church.
01:18:46Now.
01:18:46All of us.
01:18:47Let's go.
01:18:48Well, really?
01:18:48You're going to church now?
01:18:50He's not going to be in purgatory.
01:18:52I can make it up to him.
01:18:54I was just laying here thinking...
01:18:57Buddy died, never having found faith.
01:18:59But I was wrong.
01:19:00He had so much faith in us.
01:19:03What are you all standing there for?
01:19:05Move.
01:19:06All right.
01:19:06Go.
01:19:07Church.
01:19:08Go.
01:19:09Church.
01:19:10Yeah.
01:19:10I can live there.
01:19:21So...
01:19:23You really think he found God all of a sudden?
01:19:27Maybe he did.
01:19:33It's more reality.
01:19:35I don't buy it.
01:19:38I don't see what's so great about reality.
01:19:41It just doesn't work for me.
01:19:47How'd you get it postmarked from Akron?
01:19:49What?
01:19:55That was genius.
01:19:59I didn't.
01:20:01You didn't.
01:20:03I didn't.
01:20:08I got Ernie Saraceno, too.
01:20:12There it is.
01:20:13Got her out of bed, didn't it?
01:20:15So, what?
01:20:17Now we just spend the rest of our lives pretending Dad found God?
01:20:21Who's it hurting?
01:20:22Ruth Gordon said some days you have to lie.
01:20:28You pretend you don't know me in school.
01:20:30You're good with that lie.
01:20:31Look, you're gonna move to New York, and you'll fit in there, and you're gonna be really successful.
01:20:43I'm not.
01:20:45I need to fit in here, and I just can't with you around.
01:20:51You think I'm gonna be successful?
01:20:53I'm not talented like you, Les.
01:20:56Shit, I'm not even talented for Kansas.
01:20:58Dad thought what people don't like about you in school, they're gonna love about you on the page.
01:21:07I mean, he thought you were gonna be a writer.
01:21:12And I'm never really gonna get to know him now.
01:21:17Just I'm an idiot.
01:21:21You're not just an idiot, Derek.
01:21:25No one's just one thing.
01:21:27You're all so selfish and unfair.
01:21:31Okay.
01:21:35I think we treat each other terribly because we're family, and we know we can.
01:21:38You want to hear something funny?
01:21:54I tried out for the football team here.
01:21:59I didn't make it.
01:22:00Oh, holy night, the stars are brightly shining.
01:22:11It is the night of our dear Savior's birth.
01:22:19Long lay the world in sin and error pining,
01:22:28Till he appeared and the soul felt its worth.
01:22:37The thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices for yonder breaks.
01:22:49A new and glorious morn.
01:22:53Fall on your knees, oh, hear the angel voices.
01:23:08O night divine, oh, night when Christ was born.
01:23:24O night divine, oh, night, oh, night divine.
01:23:40O night divine, oh, night divine.
01:23:47O night divine, oh, night divine.
01:23:53Thank you, Macy.
01:23:54Look, I've been thinking, I never want to hear you say you only have five years to make it.
01:24:12I played that card with your father, and it made us both miserable.
01:24:16It's like starting a race with a hundred extra pounds on your back.
01:24:19You're either all in or you're not.
01:24:22You hear me?
01:24:22Yeah.
01:24:24Don't get so comfortable here.
01:24:26We're leaving.
01:24:31Come on, let's go.
01:24:44You want to take a break?
01:24:45Hmm?
01:24:46I mean, you let me know if I'm working you too hard, okay?
01:24:48No, I'm good.
01:24:49Seriously, Les, give me a hand.
01:24:51Oh.
01:24:52Well, you still look terrible.
01:24:54But I don't feel terrible.
01:24:55Anyway, you gotta see what I'm looking at.
01:24:59Are we staying in empty houses deep asking someone again?
01:25:00I negotiated a better deal than that.
01:25:01Especially after I heard Joe Henley, who took over for Buddy, tanked in Milwaukee doing death
01:25:04of a salesman of all things.
01:25:06If we get our shot in Milwaukee, we're gonna do a full season of nothing but Neil Simon, money in the bank.
01:25:11What if we don't get Milwaukee?
01:25:12We'll get it.
01:25:13Anyway, I got a couple of tricks up my sleeves.
01:25:14Good things are coming, boys.
01:25:15I can feel it in my bones.
01:25:16Hmm.
01:25:17Maybe that's arthritis.
01:25:18Feels weird doing this without doubt.
01:25:19Well, I guess that makes us weirdos.
01:25:20I guess that makes us weirdos again.
01:25:21Derek, step it up.
01:25:22Derek, step it up.
01:25:23If you make me late for Ed Monroe.
01:25:24Seriously?
01:25:25What if we don't get Milwaukee?
01:25:26We'll get it.
01:25:27Anyway, I got a couple of tricks up my sleeves.
01:25:28Good things are coming, boys.
01:25:29I can feel it in my bones.
01:25:30Hmm.
01:25:31Maybe that's arthritis.
01:25:32Feels weird doing this without doubt.
01:25:33Well, I guess that makes us weirdos again.
01:25:37Derek, step it up.
01:25:38If you make me late for Ed Monroe.
01:25:39Seriously?
01:25:40I'm literally the only one doing work here.
01:25:41Talk back.
01:25:42I'll put you center stage in every dance number this summer.
01:25:45No, no, wait.
01:25:46I'm not doing another musical.
01:25:47Triple time, step under the spotlight.
01:25:48No, you can't.
01:25:49You can't make me late for Ed Monroe.
01:25:50I'm literally the only one doing work here.
01:25:53Talk back.
01:25:54I'll put you center stage in every dance number this summer.
01:25:57No, no, wait.
01:25:58I'm not doing another musical.
01:25:59Triple time, step under the spotlight.
01:26:01You can't.
01:26:02You can't make me do it.
01:26:03I'm a woman drunk with power.
01:26:04I will make you do mime.
01:26:06Come on, let's go.
01:26:07Say goodbye to Walter.
01:26:11Hey, good to see ya.
01:26:32Thank you, Walter.
01:26:37Anytime.
01:26:41Okay.
01:26:52Come on, Mom.
01:26:53Come on.
01:26:54Come on.
01:26:55Come on.
01:26:56I'm a man.
01:26:59When I was 29, I joined the USO.
01:27:20I had no particular talent, but I didn't let that get in my way.
01:27:25You felt it was your patriotic duty?
01:27:27I was single.
01:27:28I was 29.
01:27:29I went for the boys.
01:27:33Keep that swagger.
01:27:35Remember to smile and have fun.
01:27:37Off you go.
01:27:38Sparkle.
01:27:40Would you put these at stage left prop table for me?
01:27:42Thank you so much.
01:27:44Places, guys.
01:27:44Have a great show.
01:27:46Good show.
01:27:47Good show.
01:27:49You did good in your one scene, but you're done.
01:27:53One and done.
01:27:54You take another step toward that stage, it'll be your last step, Lester Smart.
01:27:57Mom, I'm nowhere near the stage.
01:27:59Mom, can we have the keys to the car?
01:28:02If I can find them.
01:28:04Go, go, go.
01:28:05I've got up.
01:28:07Woo!
01:28:08Go, go, go.
01:28:12Don't.
01:28:13Go.
01:28:14Go, go, go.
01:28:14Hey!
01:28:15Go, go!
01:28:16Go, go!
01:28:16Go, go, go.
01:28:18Go, go!
01:28:20How's the house?
01:28:50What are you up to, Les?
01:29:05Just, just watching.
01:29:11Go.
01:29:19Go.
01:29:49Go.
01:29:56Go.
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