- 5 days ago
Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00For more information visit www.fema.gov
00:30How did your gig go on Friday?
00:39Yeah, very good. Thank you. We're having a nice time here in Mid-West-South Fest.
00:48And we're here to promote the single extraterrestrial lady parts.
00:56We are a band called Fast Ghost, based out of London, and public service announcement.
01:05I lost my passport yesterday or the day before, so please, if you see Felix Remen's passport,
01:12please can you send it to base camp, and I will find it, and I will reward you. Thank you.
01:26Oh, God, help us. I did not know you were there.
01:31Can we, uh, can we chat a moment?
01:33Wow, that's never good.
01:35Listen, Jessica, I like you.
01:41You're perfectly adequate to have around, but I brought you to London because I'd heard that you always got the job done.
01:50Now, honestly, since you've arrived, you seem to have been at loose ends.
01:56Hmm? I don't know.
01:57Ah, hush. James Wenlick Rice starts prep in two weeks. This is a man who's won an Academy Award.
02:05Of course, for a bird in a pipe, a searing exploration of sex, workers.
02:09Yeah, I haven't seen it, but I need you to be fully present and accounted for because he's an incredibly complex director to handle.
02:18Yeah, I'm so excited to meet him. I feel like moving across the ocean is a little intense sometimes, but I feel like I'm really...
02:24Fabulous. Josie has a list of ten behaviors to avoid from here on out. Look at me.
02:31Now, some of them are cultural, some are personal, but all of them will benefit you in life wherever you go after here.
02:41Thanks.
02:43Okay. Um, you've been eating quite smelly lunches, including a very few antisocial flavor of crisps, such as prawn.
02:53You've played a few voice memos from your mom out loud, and she's not possessed of the gentlest tone.
02:59Like, that one actually is kind of true, so maybe just, like, you've been quiet.
03:02And you say, I have to pee, which forces us to visualize what you're doing in there instead of saying you're just popped through.
03:08When you, like, change your shoes, just maybe do it, like, before you get into the office, because Jon is really sensitive to smell,
03:14and he says that your feet smell bad, and I feel really awkward saying that to you.
03:18We don't know for sure that they're mine. We don't.
03:20We don't. Smelling, because I feel like other people do change their shoes as well.
03:23That is true.
03:24No limitation. Stay wild or stay unfolded.
03:30What are you looking at? I love it.
03:32Complication. The life of space didn't...
03:37You're getting bored of it.
03:39Oh, my God.
03:40Looking at, see our reflection. Can't remember to the next line.
03:45Can you do like a little trilly, like a little...
03:47I feel like we should get you in on the backing.
03:53Yeah!
03:54That's amazing.
03:55That drum was amazing, though.
03:57Yeah, nice.
03:58You're getting tighter every day, man.
04:00You're getting tighter every day.
04:01So how long are you saying we should hold it for now?
04:04Does it feel like the right length to you?
04:06One, two, three...
04:08Are you for real?
04:12So...
04:14Felix Rahman.
04:15Rahman.
04:16Rahman, sorry.
04:17Are you looking for work?
04:19Yeah.
04:20Yeah, but like I was saying, the main thing I've been doing is trying to write songs and stuff at the moment.
04:25Uh-huh.
04:26Is that paying work?
04:28You know, so I have been paid to make music, just not to make my own music.
04:32But like, it will become paying work.
04:34It's just the problem is if I'm spending all my time trying to find other work, then I don't have the time to make that work.
04:41Like, my main work.
04:43So I have applied for lots of different jobs, it's just, I don't know, when your CV says session guitarist in a bunch of punk, thrash punk, whatever bands, they're not jumping to make you the manager of a pasta restaurant, do you know what I mean?
04:56Like, I'm not trying to be a brat about it, it's just it's taken me a while to get to...
05:01Like, I don't do drugs anymore, like, I don't drink, I'm a normal...
05:06It's just, like, for a couple of months.
05:09You know, I'm actually a bit of a muso myself.
05:14Wow.
05:15I have a band here, the Job Center Jug Jammers.
05:18Oh, cool.
05:20So, is that, like, you play the jokes, or...?
05:24It's a rhythm and blues 90s style.
05:26Um, we just call it that because of the multiple Js, because of, um, Janet and John and, uh, Jimmy.
05:32Right.
05:33Uh...
05:34I'm Mike.
05:35It doesn't matter.
05:36Well, do you want to play me some of your tracks?
05:40I'll let you know if they have promise.
05:42Dear Wendy Jones, do you ever have trouble being present where you actually are?
05:57Like, do you ever find yourself, say, having dinner with my ex-boyfriend while you're thinking about your ex-boyfriend?
06:03Or are you, like, studying Buddhism in addition to everything else you got going on?
06:08Okay.
06:09We have a lighting budget, bitch.
06:11I can't believe you can spend all that time on numbers.
06:14I can't count beyond ten.
06:15It makes my head hurt.
06:16You can.
06:18You just don't want to.
06:20Do you want to?
06:21No, but I want to have a job, and I do what I have to do in order to have a job.
06:26I mean, isn't adulthood just a series of things that we don't want to do, but we have to?
06:31No, I think it's, like, trying to make sure you can do the things that you actually do want to do.
06:36Is this the job you always wanted?
06:38What kind of question is that?
06:40Literally just a question.
06:42Because I'm curious about you.
06:44Oh.
06:45Well, yeah, I mean, it's similar to what I really wanted to do.
06:50What about you? Have you always wanted to be a musician?
06:54Uh, not really.
06:56I mean, I'm not saying I became a musician out of revenge,
06:59but I think I got my first guitar when I was 15.
07:02I was trying to impress Angelica Proctor.
07:05She took my virginity in her mum's bed at a house party.
07:08And then she dumped me for some guy that she met at the Stone Circle at Glastonbury.
07:12Well, was she impressed?
07:14She did actually come to a gig, like, ten years later and tried to shag me, so...
07:18Tried?
07:19I think, yeah, very much successfully managed to shag me.
07:24Um, yeah.
07:25I have a question.
07:27Um...
07:28Do you know how Americans are really horny for the British accent?
07:30Like, everything you say sounds really sexy and chic?
07:33Does it go both ways?
07:34Like, do you guys think that our accents are, like, really cute?
07:38Um...
07:40I find your accent cute.
07:42So, no.
07:43I, um, I can't stay up late tonight.
07:50I have a meeting at 8.30.
07:52What, like, a dinner meeting?
07:54No, like, a breakfast meeting, like, in the morning, before breakfast.
07:58A.M.?
07:59Yeah.
08:00Gross.
08:01Anyways, we've been staying up really late and it's been really lovely, but my boss had
08:05to talk to me today and it was...
08:07Uh-oh.
08:08Did you hear bollocking?
08:09Uh, I would never let my boss fuck me, especially in the ass.
08:15What is wrong with you?
08:17What the fuck?
08:19Bollocking.
08:20Like, did he tell you off?
08:22Did he have a word with you?
08:23Like, I gave him a bollocking.
08:25I've never heard that.
08:27Are you making that up?
08:28No, that's, like, an English phrase.
08:30That's, like, an idiom.
08:31Like...
08:32You're literally lying.
08:33Google it.
08:34It doesn't mean fucking someone in the ass.
08:36I got scared that you thought I cheated on you.
08:38I would never do that to my fiancé.
08:40I really need to be on my A-game.
08:43So, tonight, you can't keep me awake.
08:45I think you're the one who's been keeping me awake.
08:47Here, let me help you with that.
08:49You're deleting.
08:50Sorry.
08:51You're adding and deleting.
08:52Sorry.
08:53You're not even going to eat your foe.
08:56For sure, I'm going to eat it.
08:58Oh, my God.
08:59Okay.
09:00Let's have a do-over.
09:02Can't eat this cold.
09:03It won't be divine that way.
09:04Mm-hmm.
09:05You know, you can be a little genius with your spreadsheet,
09:09but I've noticed that you're not always that kind to yourself.
09:12What do you mean?
09:14Well, like, eating your foe freezing cold, for example.
09:17Or washing your face with those really rough towels that you've got.
09:21Or sleeping with the curtains wide open.
09:23If I don't sleep with the curtains open, then how will I know it's morning?
09:26And if I don't know it's morning, I'll just keep sleeping and sleeping,
09:28and I might as well be asleep for forever.
09:30Like, I might as well be dead.
09:31I'll tell you when it's morning.
09:33I can be the curtains.
09:47Sorry.
09:48If I don't crawl.
09:49I'm looking for the tour from here.
09:52That shows that I'm gonna kick.
09:54Then I want to get back.
09:55Oh, I'm frozen.
09:56Hey.
09:58Did I play play cold?
09:59Oh, yeah.
10:01Yeah, no, it's good.
10:02Yeah, I love your rules.
10:04so pretty when he goes down on me cool skin digger baby blue shirt out the laundry
10:13he tells me he's gentle when he wants to be so i think he wants to be gentle with me
10:24i actually can't believe that you've never watched plannington i've watched it like 20 times
10:28what it's a kid's movie my nephew doesn't like kids movies his favorite movie is the english
10:34should watch this bit this bit's really important it's actually where they set
10:38like the whole story up i know all the details seem really random now but they all come back
10:43later so you have to concentrate okay oh god i hate this bit are you scared yeah because i know what's
10:52coming but they find uncle pastuzzo right uncle pastuzzo no that's the problem they don't find
11:04them they literally never find them that is really sad why would they do that in a kids movie
11:12the graphics actually hold up really well don't you think
11:15mm-hmm this bit is ridiculous it's so real oh yeah this is the bit actually
11:27this is like the worst bit he looks so little in his boat
11:32you need to brace yourself it doesn't get funny like for quite a while
11:46yeah i love this movie it's so good it's making me cry
11:50he's like he's like looking at us like oh god
11:55and he's just lost his fucking uncle he doesn't know if he's gonna see her again
11:58he's like so cute and he's like they're putting into his like little
12:05shit it's insane
12:12let's change scenes together forever
12:26you must find a new home in london but but i don't know anyone there what if they don't even like
12:33bears you know is your heart made of fucking stone what but she just put a fucking tag around his neck
12:41there's like this is please look after this bear oh my god i know what's really she doesn't know what's
12:47going to happen to him she's like oh now it's a fucking cow in his head but i'm worried to like
12:52now when we get to the end of the film like you're not going to have the ammo to like no i i was
12:57enjoying it because yeah as soon as you started crying i was like okay this one of us has to be
13:02yeah like basically because he's got so much marmalade that's like a signal for us that's like okay
13:07cheer up guys mom yeah it's going to be okay he's going to have a sandwich
13:21i can't believe you did that that's crazy you can't tell me movie trivia during sex
13:45do you want me to quote the whole of the matrix no i can quote the whole film off by heart please
13:50don't do that why are you going well i have to go to the bathroom because i'm not about that uti life
13:57is that why you're walking like that you know this walk it's a female classic
14:02yeah i've seen it before i just wanted to hear you say it out loud that you're basically smuggling
14:07come now here it comes smuggler have you got a permit hey baby would you still love me if i was a worm
14:23what's the context hey what i mean when i meet you are you actually a worm or is this some sort of
14:29kafka has a transformation like i become a worm like bam you wake up i'm next to you i'm a worm
14:36um i'd miss you i'd mourn you i'd be in recovery my whole life from losing you
14:44i'd keep you in a little terrarium and feed you the best worm food but i don't think our relationship
14:50would remain romantic that's a good answer baby would you still love me if i were a worm
14:58i refuse to be party to this trend think about it some kid in arkansas makes a video and what
15:04we're all supposed to emulate it in our spare time sounds pretty nonsensical doesn't it
15:12would you still love me if i was a one would you still love me if i was a one would you still love
15:18me if i was wendy some days my mind just loops over and over as i think about the fact that if we hung
15:23out you probably would love me you'd be like wow jess she's so real instead you've been fed some
15:31story that makes me feel impossible to empathize with just wait until we show the boys this there's
15:36boys coming over well just at the high school dance you want to try wow it's really chic in french
15:44so maybe you feel sorry for me like a girl who really did become a worm
15:58you're everything i disdain in this world wait why because because i want to hook up with you
16:06can can i hook up with you i mean you can do whatever you want you have the power
16:12or what if i want you to own me
16:23so
16:42um i wasn't having a bathroom problem i was texting my mom just so you know
16:49i didn't think you were having a bathroom problem
16:54are you okay uh yeah i'm just having a cigarette
17:01come here come here
17:12you really have to go to sleep okay okay i'm not stopping you okay
17:26now this is relaxing
17:39so you're like staring at your phone all the way through paddington and then now this
17:44show about people getting their dreams shattered by alan carr
17:46is somehow chilling you out i mean yeah i feel like you have to watch people whose lives are worse
17:54than yours to relax i mean if i really wanted to conk out if i wanted to like fall asleep right away
17:59i'd watch dateline we'd be watching like an unsolved murder about a respected female pastor
18:04right i feel like that really puts yourself in perspective i mean she's really not coming back from
18:09that and it's really sad it's also like it's sad and it's oh i hate watching it's i hate that happened
18:15to her oh i'm falling asleep okay so murder murder is relaxing for you but like a sweet film about a
18:25bear what it's like giving you a panic attack like what it makes me feel like i can't relate as much
18:33i'm not i'm not the bear you know like the bear found his family he found his people and look at me
18:40i did it but there is like a bit of paddington about you too don't you think
18:46what do you mean like i don't know the way you've come over from america with like a little tag
18:52around your neck that says please look after this girl like i don't heat everyone's noodles up
18:59and for some reason like i'm genuinely worried about the amount of time you're spending on your phone
19:03and stuff i don't know there's something about you that makes me want to take care of you
19:12well anyways you like me now but what if i gold pants you what what what if i gold pants you that's
19:19what we used to call it in college where you'd be really horny for someone and then suddenly repulse
19:25like my friend janette used to date this guy who was really sexy and cool and mature and then one day
19:31he came to pick her up for a date and he was wearing gold pants oh have you ever been gold pants
19:37hmm i mean there is one girl who like basically we just have sex every year on my birthday for like
19:48nine years wow that's a commitment and then one year i woke up in her bed the morning after and she was
19:57eating the leftover chinese food that we'd had the night before okay so no food in bed i guess no like
20:04i eat in bed all the time i literally eat my meals in bed but it was something more about like
20:11her eyes were just sort of really vacant like she wasn't even enjoying it because that would almost be
20:16hot in a way but there was just this look that she had of i guess desperation or like a need that
20:27would never be fulfilled i have something about it that just really
20:33i don't know i guess it scared me
20:37does that count is that gold pants material yeah you got the ick
20:40how long have you been sober um like two and a half weeks
20:54it's actually been like no i'm actually doing really well i couldn't tell i've been like nearly
20:59three years okay of like sober sober because i stopped i obviously stopped the harder stuff a bit
21:05before the booze but like i'm not a member of a program or anything but i do have one of those
21:10like silly counter apps on my phone what was like your rock bottom oh man like there was one time when
21:20i went on a bender and had sex with my sister
21:26this friend my sister's friends oh my god that's psychotic you scared me so bad i was like sitting
21:34here thinking like i guess we could talk through it people make mistakes it was just like a really
21:39messy night and like we'd known each other since we were 10 we were never really that into each other
21:44but i woke up and like was completely out of it i think she must have been on a period because it
21:50looked like i'd murdered her and i'd shat myself she had like a mirrored ceiling for some reason so i
21:55could see the whole thing and like the weird thing is like that wasn't even enough to stop me
22:01in the end i think it was just like i don't know trying to be a musician or whatever like if you're
22:08fucked the whole time you can't write music can you or you can be all you're fucking shit so
22:14and then when i started using i started to remember all this stuff from the past
22:18like what oh you know just like boring stuff hello mother
22:35i mean honestly i could take out a restraining order against her at this point
22:40i mean if you're talking that much she's not really giving you a chance is she
22:44i think with british families it's more like birds they beat you out the nest the second you
22:49don't need your worms chewing do you know what i mean well jewish women are like clothespins it
22:54hurts when they attach themselves to you nice what about your dad well he died yeah he's dead
23:04uh for real sorry why did you kill him
23:15seriously what was he like um well he had parkinson's disease like a really aggressive form called
23:25multiple systems atrophy it's like if parkinson's and luke garrick's disease had an evil baby
23:31um he could barely talk and he would just sit in his easy chair all day and like watch old westerns
23:41just butch cassidy over and over and over again yeah but when i was younger oh my god
23:50there's no one i'd rather see there's no one i'd rather see i'd be like stuck at an awful play date and then he'd walk in thank god
23:59hey dog
24:07all right okay you wanna go you got your stuff let's blow those popsicles down
24:12this is a i think it's a dog you can make it a unicorn a dog unicorn yeah a dog unicorn okay
24:25he had these like really delicate hands he was really good at making things i see i loved watching
24:33him play with clay
24:34or roll a joint when he had friends over on sunday for him hey hey hey go back to bed honey go on
24:52he told us that everyone should be able to drive a car roll a joint and soft-boiled egg at the same time
24:58i can't do any of those things he'd probably be mortified
25:06you can do your maths though
25:09maths
25:11tell me about your parents
25:18do you think astrid can see colors
25:22or do you think for dogs it's like the smells of the colors
25:28hang on hang on
25:38no no no wait a second
25:42oh no
25:43Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck. Oh, fuck. Sorry. One more.
25:56Okay.
25:56No, fuck.
25:57Okay.
25:58I got bail, sorry. White flag.
26:01Um.
26:01I'm all out of calm.
26:03Is everything okay? Like, you were yelling and...
26:08Yeah, no, sorry. I thought I'd go for gold, but I guess I'm in my 30s now.
26:13I get it.
26:16It's nothing that, like, I did sexually right, like, I didn't make you feel uncomfortable or do something that you didn't like, or maybe I did something that you liked a lot, but I didn't do it for that long.
26:24I mean, I was trying to do a lot of sex stuff with a toothbrush. I don't know if that was coming across, if you could see me in the mirror doing, like, a lot of, like, oh, no, is she going to put it all the way in?
26:33You're sexy. You know you're sexy.
26:35What, are you fishing for compliments now?
26:37No.
26:38I love your body. I love everything about your body. I love how you fuck.
26:41Also, actually, one specific thing I've been meaning to tell you, you always have sex hair, which is really hot.
26:48Okay, enough.
26:49That's crazy.
26:49I thought I wanted the compliments. I don't know if I want any more.
26:53It's like I want the affirmation, but also, I'm like, yeah, I know.
27:00I've always actually felt really hot, except for when I haven't.
27:03Okay.
27:04So, when have you not felt hot?
27:07Well, I think every woman's been told that she's, like, not a model. Even models are told that.
27:15I feel, like, embarrassed that I even said anything, so let's just forget it and just agree that we're both attracted to each other.
27:21I feel, like, insane for even bringing it up.
27:24Yeah, I mean, if I could paint, I would paint the shit out of you, for what it's worth.
27:28I'd paint your tits and your arse and your cute little mouth. It looks like a rose.
27:34Me?
27:35Yeah, paint it all day.
27:40You're really hot, you know that.
27:42Mm, thanks. I'm not that invested in being hot, but maybe you can, like, say some nice things about me.
27:51Seriously?
27:52Yeah, I think I deserve it.
27:54Okay. Um, I like that, um, that you're gentle, but also really naughty.
28:03Mm-hmm.
28:04And I like that you're logical, but, like, in a really wild way.
28:09And I like that, um, you know, usually I would go to sleep to try to pass the time quicker, but with you, I want to stretch it all out.
28:17Okay, so when I press play, you have to get to kissing, and you can't stop until the song's over.
28:27You're going to be really good, because you're a musician.
28:29Okay. And how long is this song?
28:31Never you mind. It doesn't matter. You're going to be good at it.
28:35Okay.
28:35You have to, like, kind of kiss to the, um, music, you know?
28:38Okay, you ready?
28:39Mm-hmm.
28:39Now, when I press play, you've got to get to kissing, and you can't stop until the song is done.
28:46How long is the song?
28:48Oh, never you mind.
28:50Oh, never you mind.
29:20Sometimes, Wendy, life demands that you just show up and shut up, even if it's just for the length of a funkadelic song.
29:38What are you seeing?
29:40Like, right now?
29:42Yeah, like, in your mind?
29:44Like, um, like, outer space, which is so weird, because I don't really care about outer space.
29:56What about you?
29:57Like, I'm hiding in a bush, and I can hear some enemy troops approaching.
30:09Oh, no.
30:10But I've found a safe spot.
30:15I'm not going to get caught.
30:20Really?
30:20Oh, sorry.
30:34I'm not going to get caught.
30:57Why don't you go back
31:27To falling apart
31:29You were so good at that
31:33You're one in a million now
31:37You don't wanna take the time
31:41You just need to see all the right
31:49Why don't you go back
31:53To falling apart
31:55You were so good at that
31:59You're one in a million now
32:03You don't wanna take the time
32:07You're just gonna be all right
32:15You're all in a million now
32:29You just wanna take the time
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