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psicodélico club
  • 7/6/2025

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00:00See, for the first 18 years or so, I had a lot of doubts about the Grateful Day.
00:24I thought, maybe this is really a bad thing to be doing.
00:27You know, this could be, like, really pernicious, because I was aware of the power.
00:37If I started to think about controlling that power, it would be, like, perilously close
00:42to fascism.
00:46And so I did a lot of things to sabotage it.
00:51It's like, fuck that, you know, I'm not gonna go along with this, I won't be a part of this.
01:01I mean, it's the thing of, you don't want to be the king, you know.
01:05You don't want to be the president.
01:08You know, fucking love that.
01:10Nobody wants.
01:11Nobody should have that.
01:12Fare you well, my honor.
01:17Fare you well, my only true one.
01:20Fare you well, my only true one.
01:30All the birth that was in you.
01:37Oh, Lord, it's a pure love.
01:45Jerry once said something like, I live in a world without a grateful death.
01:56Because he didn't have some group that was, you know, that he could go see that would lift
02:01the burdens of his life.
02:03You know, he was the guy who was lifting everybody else's burdens without even trying.
02:08And he couldn't do it for himself, clearly.
02:12Because meanwhile, he's going back to his house, smoking heroin all day.
02:20By the time I came on the scene in the mid-80s,
02:22Garcia was probably at his unhealthiest, you know, until basically when he died.
02:29I feel like the extent to which he allowed himself to fall to pieces,
02:33there was some element of the canny artist in that.
02:38I mean, this is me projecting onto him entirely.
02:41Maybe it's giving him too much credit.
02:43But it suited the music that he was performing when he was shrouded in death.
02:48Because a lot of Garcia's music is about death.
02:52That's an appeal to the man that you have to discover over time.
02:55You don't see it immediately.
02:56Because of the way he presents historically as a sort of big, happy, hippie icon.
03:03You get to know, if you listen to music, that actually he's a deliverer of dark news.
03:08You know.
03:09And that's where you really begin to take him seriously.
03:12I love you more than my words can tell.
03:13Listen to the river sing sweet songs to rock my soul.
03:15Listen to the river sing sweet songs to rock my soul.
03:19Listen to the river sing sweet songs to rock my soul.
03:26This is where I'm working on archiving a bunch of Jerry's stuff.
03:44This is my endless project.
03:45You know, I was always expecting when I, when I would listen to the Grateful Dead music, there
04:02was going to be some like overt message.
04:04You know, some things, they're like, oh, that's it.
04:07But I can't tell exactly where the magic is in these things.
04:13You know, but there's definitely something special going on.
04:17This is a great reel from a press release.
04:28Back here, I have a couple of like family shots.
04:33There's a Jerry.
04:35This is, this is the daughter picture he's holding his wallet.
04:38I'm probably hitting him up for money.
04:41Um, this is in Hawaii.
04:43He looks pretty freaking happy to me.
04:47This is actually at Ken Kesey's house.
04:50Me and Jerry in the 86.
04:53My mom, mountain girl, took this picture.
04:57Growing up in the Grateful Dead.
04:59I never got to experience the show as a fan did, you know?
05:04So it didn't make sense to me why all these people have this, um, deep, deep connection
05:12to my dad that I sometimes felt like I had to compete with.
05:16You know, they toured a lot.
05:19And it was really hard for him, you know, spending that much time on the road.
05:25And we, we give him, you know, he got his space when he came home.
05:31I would just sit, you know, hang out next to him while he played his scales.
05:43And we'd watch TV shows together.
05:46And weird movies, you know, Twilight Zone stuff.
05:50Shall we put the heart in now?
05:52Yes.
05:53Ludwig.
05:54Ludwig.
05:55Here's some old, uh, sketches of little Frankenstein.
05:59Frankenstein is a recurring character for him.
06:03Um, you know, Jerry loved horror movies and stuff like that.
06:08So, the Frankenstein, the harmless little, uh, companion that you create that ends up dominating your whole world.
06:19Work.
06:23He was exhausted.
06:25I'm exhausted.
06:26I must get sleep.
06:28Work.
06:29Finish.
06:30Then sleep.
06:31That Grateful Dead thing had gotten so big where you're kind of, you know, working just to keep it going at a certain point.
06:38Not that, you know, not saying it should have ended or anything, but I wish that, um, he would have just got some fucking rest, you know?
06:53It was the summer of 86.
06:55We played two concerts in Washington, D.C.
07:00It was over 100 degrees.
07:03And Jerry was out there for three hours a day, and he got dehydrated.
07:10And about three days later, he went into a diabetic coma.
07:16I just laid down one day and didn't get up.
07:21During the time I was actually in a coma, my main experience is a kind of tremendous struggle in a kind of, um, futuristic sort of spaceship-y kind of vehicle with some kind of insectoid presences.
07:38The acid test is everywhere in this space, and everywhere goes on!
07:45Kind of like invisible time travelers from the future, looking at me, you know.
07:54I had this image of myself.
07:57I love this.
07:59As these little hunts of protoplasm that were stuck together kind of like stamps with perforations between them.
08:05So, uh, they weren't yet.
08:07There were these kind of like message units or message carriers.
08:18And I thought they were like kind of like my bloodstream.
08:21And that was my image of my physical self.
08:26I came out of my coma feeling fragile, but I'm not afraid of death.
08:40It made it easier for me to focus on the things that I really wanted to accomplish.
08:47It had that kind of attention getting another thing.
08:49You could go at any moment.
08:51You never know, you know, so you might as well just try to crowd as much as you can possibly get into your life.
08:57This week, The Grateful Dead released their first studio album in seven years in the dark, over which their so-called deadhead fans are delirious.
09:05They always love it when I don't die.
09:10I always get a lot of mileage out of that.
09:13The Grateful Dead are very much alive and well.
09:16Their last album, In the Dark, was their best-selling ever.
09:19The single, Touch of Grey, became their first top 40 hit.
09:23I will get by.
09:26The debt racked up over $26 million in ticket sales.
09:29With the highest earner in the entertainment business last year.
09:32The band's music makes millions.
09:34There's an ice cream damned after their leader.
09:37The debt is even on the internet.
09:39I will survive.
09:42In 1987, we finally have a radio hit with Touch of Grey in the top ten.
09:49Tens of thousands of people just heard it on the radio and they went,
09:54Oh, I want to go to that show.
09:55And of course, they can't get in because it's already sold out.
09:58So they go down anyway and they find a party the likes of which no 19-year-old ever walks away from.
10:06And we go from having a thousand people on the outside of a show to five.
10:16And that simply overloaded the environment.
10:21It got so popular and so powerful a draw that the biggest places were too small.
10:29Even the stadiums.
10:34Playing in the stadiums were akin to playing in the studio.
10:38Because the people were all there.
10:40There were 60,000 people there.
10:42But it was basically, you didn't have any touch with those people.
10:44They're hundreds of feet away from you.
10:47In the stadiums, you'd have no contact with your audience.
10:54It's just not possible.
10:57It's just a sea of faces about this big and waving arms.
11:01Has success spoiled the dead?
11:03Yeah.
11:04Yeah.
11:05I came back to America after 30 years away.
11:17I was absolutely gobsmacked by the influence of the Grateful Dead and how it spread all over the United States.
11:29But then this is what the mainstream culture does.
11:33You know?
11:34It neuters things and declaws things, you know, by absorbing them, you know.
11:41They kind of love you to death.
11:43The scene kept evolving.
11:48They attracted a new legion of fans.
11:52And they became popular and accepted.
11:54And you found out that, you know, Peter Jennings went to shows and Senator Leahy was a deadhead.
12:00And the Grateful Dead, God bless them, we're fine with that.
12:04I found it affirming, the fact that it was a big tent.
12:09There wasn't just a bunch of hippie chicks or prep school deadheads or spinners.
12:14They were open to all kinds of people.
12:18That was always part of it.
12:21Events have carried us this far, you know what I mean?
12:24And that seems to work pretty good when we sort of take a hands-off approach, you know?
12:29Kind of let things happen.
12:31So we'll see where this gets us.
12:33Because right now we're in motion.
12:34We're on our way somewhere.
12:36It's hard to tell where.
12:39What's interesting to me is the reaction of the deadheads.
12:44When the Grateful Dead became locked into playing huge stadiums of it,
12:48the deadheads picked up on the original ethos of the Grateful Dead.
12:54Their inherently anarchic tendencies.
12:58And all of a sudden, it was like they'd been stalked by 50,000 lunatics.
13:05We should have known that something was coming when we realized that a lot of times there were more people outside the shows partying and trying to find a way in for free than there were inside.
13:19I spent a little time on the mountain.
13:23Spent a little time on the hill.
13:26Acts on the sea better run away.
13:31Others say better stand still.
13:34It got so chaotic.
13:36You couldn't take it out of the bag.
13:39We wanted to make a statement saying that you guys got to please yourselves.
13:43You know?
13:44You got to be good neighbors.
13:45You can't pee on their lawns and everything.
13:47You have to respect people.
13:49What we were trying to do was simply preserve our ability to do a show under conditions in which you had far too many people saying,
13:58No, I'm just here for the party.
14:00Even if I can't get into the show.
14:03And it's all too much.
14:05Jerry Garcia did not bargain to be the mayor of a traveling counter-cultural town.
14:09Hey, this is Phil Lesh speaking.
14:11Listen, please, because this is serious.
14:13And so I'd get a band member to record these letters.
14:16We care about you and your welfare.
14:18There are so loud shows.
14:19If you don't have a ticket, please don't come.
14:21We really mean this.
14:24Jerry just couldn't bring himself to do one of those.
14:30But Phil didn't mind.
14:31There will be no vending or camping.
14:33Folks who run this shop, I need it starting to be shut down.
14:37We wrote more than one open letter to deadheads.
14:40The area around every Grateful Dead concert is subject to the local legal system.
14:44Listen to the rules and pressure others to do so.
14:47But it did nothing.
14:48Come on.
14:49It's a joke.
14:51Deadheads are a determined bunch, though, you know.
14:54Not much for listening to rules.
14:57When they were younger guys, first starting out on this thing,
15:02they decided just, okay, the rules are cutting it for me.
15:06Society's typical way of dealing with things isn't cutting it for me.
15:09And I want to follow my intuition.
15:11They cut loose.
15:12By doing that, their music has gone into this blossoming monster, you know.
15:25So we do the same thing, and they do the same thing.
15:28The Dead's fans have always been among the mellowest on the music scene,
15:31but lately, they've been having some problems.
15:33Charges against deadheads ranging from public lewdness and disturbing the peace
15:36to using and selling drugs.
15:38It was a scary thing.
15:39Because you don't want to wake up in the morning finding people in jail or at deaths.
15:44And I said, oh man, this is dangerous.
15:47You know, we'll be responsible for things that we can't control or they can't control,
15:51and you'll get out of hand.
16:09Many of the people without tickets have no responsibility or obligation to our scene.
16:13It's up to you as deadheads to educate these people and to pressure them into acting like deadheads instead of maniacs.
16:22They can only get away with this crap if you let them.
16:25If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.
16:28Yeah.
16:29Don't you do that.
16:30The spirit of the Grateful Dead is at stake.
16:32And we'll do what we have to do to protect it.
16:35Yeah, I mean, the whole point with the Grateful Dead was we didn't tell anybody, you know, to do nothing, you know.
16:48Just the ideas repel it, the idea that we're going to now start telling people how to behave.
16:54I mean, we're not the government, you know.
16:57We're just musicians.
16:59The main thing was getting Jerry to co-sign the message.
17:05But he was such an anti-authoritarian.
17:08He just said, get somebody else to do it.
17:11Well, Phil said that he would like deadheads to not bring hard drugs around the dead.
17:15How do you feel about that?
17:17I think drugs are really a personal thing.
17:20Everybody has the right to take them.
17:22As far as I'm concerned.
17:24And in my world, everything is legal, you know, and everybody can do whatever they want.
17:29Jerry did not do messages.
17:33Period. End of story.
17:34Is there anything that you feel deadheads can do to help out the Grateful Dead?
17:39Yeah, they can keep having fun.
17:41I mean, there was certainly an underlying message that was about thinking for yourself.
17:47You know, ignore alien orders.
17:50Jerry never liked to talk to the audience because he realized that they hung on his every word.
18:01Everybody in the audience would think that Jerry was there to play to them that night.
18:05And he was. He tried to.
18:08He liked to have the lights up a little bit so he could see the faces of the audience. He drew off of them.
18:14You've got to remember, when you start with the early days, you couldn't tell the difference between the stage and the audience.
18:26It was just an extension of that.
18:30But as the time went on, Jerry became this icon of people. And that became impossible.
18:40I had a tough time walking the streets of any town we were in.
18:56Jerry couldn't do it.
18:59Flap couldn't.
19:03He was stuck in a hotel room wherever we went. He couldn't go out.
19:08And there were people scaling the walls of the hotel trying to get out of them.
19:13That just drove me nuts.
19:30I spent a lot of time on stage staring at the audience and just wondering what they're seeing.
19:37Why are they so entraptured?
19:39But I remember just knowing that I shouldn't go out and mingle with the deadheads.
19:53There had already been kind of certain breaches of personal space.
20:00And Jerry was already a little freaked out about the weird things that people were projecting on him.
20:07Dear Mr. Fantasy, let's do something to make you so happy.
20:20I can't do anything to take us out of this room.
20:27Sing a song, play a talk, sing it.
20:31We were just beset by people who had just gone off into this imaginary world.
20:43To the point where Jerry was basically a messiah figure.
20:49And it was a scientist.
20:50It was a science fiction.
20:52We were we were we were we were there.
20:54We were we were we were we were you.
20:57How do you know about the fact that you enjoyed such a divine like series in the eyes of so many of your fans?
21:05I mean, yeah, but I don't think anybody takes it that seriously.
21:07Seriously, you know what I mean?
21:08Well, I'll put up with it until they come for me with the cross and nails.
21:37One of the things that upsets me about what happened with Jerry in the 90s
21:47was how isolated he was in the middle of this incredible community.
21:56And I think he was really suffering, particularly after Brent Midland died.
22:01It was obvious that Jerry and Brent really had some kind of very deep
22:09and mutually enriching connection.
22:19After Brent died, Pete Harrow went over to us.
22:24The music kind of sagged a little bit.
22:26I think, Jerry, the fact that he was kind of shut in by circumstance
22:32and you add on top of that, the band is not what it was.
22:40Well, that's a little, that's a place where the plot sort of turns a little bit
22:47and he started looking for a way to get out.
22:56I'd rather be in some dark color
23:00Where the sun don't ever shine
23:05Than to be in some big city
23:11In a small room with you on my mind
23:16April, 1990
23:18I get a letter from Jerry
23:22I haven't seen him, really, for 28 years
23:26And he said, I'll always love you
23:31Okay
23:33What am I supposed to do with that?
23:36Then a year later
23:40There was a note from Dennis McNally
23:44Their publicist
23:46The designated liaison
23:49And he said, call me
23:52Jerry, I'd like to see you
23:54But, I mean, he was living with somebody else
23:57Had a child with someone else
23:59In order to have a conversation
24:04We had to couch it as an interview
24:07I mean, you really sort of started me going
24:10You bought me that guitar, you know
24:11You're partly responsible
24:14So I took a tape recorder
24:16And did an interview
24:17Yeah
24:18It goes by fast
24:20The last 15 years has been furious
24:23We never decided to go somewhere
24:26Or to become something
24:27You know what I mean?
24:29Yeah, it's funny
24:29It's funny
24:30At some point or another
24:31After I got out of the hospital
24:33When I had my coma and all that
24:34Somewhere in there
24:36I kind of
24:37I have this memory now
24:39I don't know where it came from
24:41It's like as though
24:43You and I had continued
24:44With our lives together somehow
24:46And had a whole alternate life
24:49You know what I mean?
24:50I mean, it was incredibly awkward
24:51He says, you know
24:53There's a part of me
24:55That's still in love with you
24:56Still is very much in love with you
24:57You know
24:58Still, always
24:59A little scary
25:01She interviewed him
25:04For an article
25:05That would appear in Tricycle
25:07It was a Buddhist magazine
25:08I arranged it
25:10She was Buddhist
25:11And he was curious about it
25:12McNally was actually
25:14The mastermind
25:16I don't know if that's entirely
25:17A story I want to tell
25:18Suffice it to say
25:20He did all he could
25:21To facilitate this
25:23There was something there
25:24Both of them felt it
25:26It became like a military operation
25:28To extricate Jerry
25:30And get me in there
25:33And eventually he
25:34Went to Hawaii with Bridget
25:36I didn't know what we were doing
25:40I had no idea what we were doing
25:44Until about day three
25:48We started scuba diving
26:03I'd never done it before
26:05And he was
26:07Masterful
26:10He was an extraordinary diver
26:13Jerry and Ike
26:16Started diving
26:17I think back in
26:1886
26:18You couldn't keep
26:20His out of the water
26:21He loved diving
26:22He loved the ocean
26:25And he used to do
26:26This thing with his hands
26:27So it looked like a squid
26:29Right?
26:29Like that
26:30And fucking
26:31Out of nowhere
26:32All these fish would come around
26:33And I was like
26:34He had this attraction
26:36Whether it was fish
26:37Audience
26:38Whatever
26:39He always had this way
26:40Of attracting things
26:41He'd like to dive
26:44Because it has a sense of freedom
26:45That I don't know
26:47Where else
26:48He could get that
26:49Here was this beautiful
26:52Buffer of the ocean
26:53That kept all that
26:54Outside shit away
26:55He didn't have to sign on
26:57In graphs
26:57Or any of that crap
26:58So he turned me on
27:03To that world of his
27:04And I loved it
27:06I loved it
27:09At one point
27:16We're tired
27:17After diving
27:18And hanging out
27:19He just looks at me
27:21And he said
27:21Would you marry me?
27:27I said
27:29Yeah
27:30Okay
27:32So I didn't know
27:35What we were doing
27:36Until that moment
27:37Then he got on the phone
27:40He calls Hunter
27:42And he calls everybody
27:43And he says
27:43We're getting married
27:44And he's all excited
27:46And he's all happy
27:47He's like
27:49Okay
27:49What do we gotta do?
27:54Acupuncture
27:54Quit smoking
27:57Exercise
27:59Walk around the lake
28:02Every day
28:02We started working on
28:05Bowflexes
28:06We had a trainer
28:08A personal trainer
28:09Suddenly he feels creative
28:12And he wants to start
28:13Writing songs
28:14Hey
28:15How you doing there
28:16Fellas
28:17And it's like
28:18Hunter
28:19Come on over
28:20He wrote six songs
28:22I mean it was just
28:24This amazing
28:25Eruption
28:26Of energy
28:27There was this feeling
28:40It was real
28:43I wasn't the only one
28:45Who felt it
28:46They felt it
28:47It was like
28:50We're back
28:51We're back
28:54To those days
28:56When we used to
28:56Pick you up
28:57From high school
28:58And drive around
28:58And we were all together
29:00And it was all new
29:01And it was all fresh
29:02And it was all
29:03Alive
29:06Reconnecting with someone
29:14After 30 years
29:15There's no way
29:18That you can't
29:19Feel
29:20You know
29:20In some weird way
29:21That you're young again
29:22Hunter certainly thought
29:26So he wrote
29:26The Days Between
29:27About just that
29:28It's the last
29:32Hunter Garcia masterpiece
29:33It's about
29:36Looking back on
29:37And seeing
29:39Your whole life
29:41That has passed
29:42In the interval
29:43And that's
29:43That's The Days Between
29:44It's your life
29:46Walk up on
29:50The belt of time
29:51Walked barefoot
29:57Through the snow
29:59Gave the best
30:04We had to give
30:06How much
30:11We'll never know
30:13Never know
30:17It wasn't me
30:24It was
30:25He got in touch
30:28With a part of him
30:29I was just a
30:31Catalyst
30:32Okay
30:32But he
30:33I think he had been
30:37Suffering for a long
30:39Time
30:39Under the weight
30:41And responsibility
30:42Of this behemoth
30:44Behemoth
30:45I mean at one point
30:49I can
30:49I remember him
30:50We're in the kitchen
30:51We're talking
30:52And he said
30:53You know
30:54I'd like to just live
30:56On the ice cream money
30:57You know
30:58I could do that
30:59I could just live
31:02On that
31:02And say
31:03The hell with this
31:04And I said
31:07Well
31:07Why don't you
31:08Oh man
31:10Come on
31:11Do you know
31:12How many people
31:13Are
31:13Depending
31:15On this show
31:16Going down the road
31:17And I understood
31:22In that moment
31:23It was a machine
31:25By then
31:26It wasn't just
31:30A bunch of guys
31:31Getting together
31:31And making music
31:33This enormous
31:37Community
31:38Was demanding
31:39That he
31:41Be the Grateful Dead's
31:43Jerry Garcia
31:44Where's the freedom
31:49In that
31:49The Grateful Dead
31:53Became a weight
31:54By Grateful Dead
31:57I do not mean
31:58The six guys
31:59I mean
31:59The phenomenon
32:01He had 50 people
32:04Including me
32:05Whose paycheck
32:07He was in charge of
32:09And their families
32:10And a million people
32:13Who demanded
32:14That he play
32:1480 nights a year
32:15For their happiness factor
32:16And it was a weight
32:18It was a responsibility
32:19This is a guy
32:20Who didn't want responsibility
32:21So he self-medicated
32:24And had been doing so
32:26For a very long time
32:27I can remember
32:30A really chilling moment
32:33I'm backstage
32:35And I'm sitting
32:36On the black
32:37Equipment boxes
32:38And
32:39The doctor
32:40Is telling me
32:41Yeah
32:42Jerry's using again
32:43Suddenly
32:46It's all too obvious
32:48He's been
32:51Out of it
32:52And he's been
32:53Unpleasant
32:55To be around
32:56And then
32:59The road manager
33:00He's saying
33:02You know
33:04Jerry's cool
33:05He's cool
33:06He can handle this
33:07I said
33:07Well why doesn't
33:08He go into rehab
33:09It's cool
33:10He's gonna kick
33:10He always does
33:12And just hang in there
33:13With it
33:14Why don't we just
33:14Do an intervention
33:15Don't say anything
33:17This is the Grateful Dead
33:19We gotta keep this show
33:21We gotta keep going
33:21We gotta keep going
33:24The secret of longevity
33:31In the music business
33:32Is to get away from it
33:33Right
33:34You gotta leave it man
33:36Fuck off
33:37Learn how to be a deep sea fisherman
33:39Go scuba diving
33:40Whatever it is
33:41Snow skiing
33:41Become
33:42Become
33:42And be
33:43Something
33:44Completely else
33:45For somebody like Garcia
33:48I mean
33:48That's the only way
33:50To survive
33:50We had
33:55A staff
33:56That
33:56You know
33:57Depended on us
33:58For their living
34:00And we convinced ourselves
34:02That we owed it
34:03To our
34:03Employees
34:05To keep going
34:05Right or wrong
34:09I could wish that
34:12We'd thought more
34:13About Jerry
34:13And
34:15So yeah
34:19That's a
34:20That's a tender place
34:23So
34:32After the show
34:34We go back
34:36To the hotel room
34:37I say
34:39I just want you to know
34:42That I know
34:43That you're using
34:44And that's fine
34:45That's okay
34:46That's cool
34:47You do what you wanna do
34:48I don't
34:49I'm not gonna try
34:49And stop you
34:50I just
34:51Really
34:52Don't want any secrets
34:53Between us
34:54You know
34:55I just don't want
34:56Any secrets
34:57And he looked at me
35:06And the room
35:08Got cold
35:10And he says
35:11I think it's time
35:14For you to go now
35:16And he said
35:23You know
35:24I can't thank you enough
35:26But this isn't gonna work
35:30But this isn't gonna work
35:30The band laughed
35:43And I laughed
35:46For the airport
35:46I never saw him again
35:50That was that
35:54Have you ever had a friend
36:00Who was addicted
36:01Until they decide
36:04That that's what they want
36:06Everything you can say
36:08Is just gonna go
36:10In one ear
36:10Out the other
36:11It's not like the band
36:15Didn't talk to him
36:17It's not like the band
36:18The band didn't
36:20Stage periodic
36:21You know
36:21Big
36:22Throwdown
36:23Interventions
36:25That's the way it was
36:31He was my boss
36:37And my friend
36:38And somebody
36:40That I wanted to protect
36:41From harm
36:42But could I help him
36:45Save himself
36:46From his own self
36:47I always thought of Jerry
36:51As a strong guy
36:52I remember one time
36:55When a guy came
36:56Bolting out of the audience
36:57So quick
36:58Before I could get to him
36:59And he was zeroed in
37:00On grabbing Jerry
37:01To hug him
37:01A lot of times
37:02People would just
37:03Want to jump up there
37:04And hug him
37:04You know
37:04While he's playing
37:05It's awkward
37:06And Jerry took his guitar
37:08And point foremost
37:09Banged that guy
37:11Right in the solar plexus
37:12And didn't miss a note
37:13And knocked him
37:14Into my arms
37:15I said
37:15Well there
37:16You know
37:16You see it
37:17He was strong
37:19You know
37:19And I didn't ever think
37:22That he would get
37:23Deteriorated in that way
37:25I always thought
37:29That we were going
37:29To be able
37:30To get through to Jerry
37:31And we were going
37:32To be able to help him
37:33Get him into treatment
37:34We had seen Jerry
37:35Clean up
37:36And we've all
37:37Wrecked our brains
37:38And be in great shape
37:40What could we have
37:41Done differently
37:41I had faith
37:42That Jerry would
37:43Come back around
37:44The only thing
37:45We could have done
37:45Was to have taken a break
37:46Another break
37:48And I wouldn't
37:51I would have
37:51I would have been
37:52Okay with it this time
37:53But I never thought
37:56That if we did
37:57Take a break
37:58That Jerry would stop
37:59He would just go out
38:00With the Jerry Garcia band
38:01And keep going
38:02Jerry was a very strong
38:06Individual
38:07Jerry Garcia
38:08Was a lot of great things
38:09He didn't tell Jerry
38:11What to do
38:11He was a really cool guy
38:13You know
38:14Until he killed himself
38:15Yeah
38:17Until he killed himself
38:18That's really what happened
38:19I remember
38:23Toward the end
38:25Of the fateful last tour
38:27They were playing
38:30Meadowlands
38:31In New Jersey
38:32And I turn around
38:35And there's Garcia
38:36Looking all white
38:39You know
38:39Everything is like
38:40His beard
38:41His face
38:42His skin
38:43It's like
38:43He's kind of like
38:46A luminous white figure
38:48Already kind of angelic
38:52And I think
38:55He's just dead enough
38:57Garcia was suffering
39:01Being in The Grateful Dead
39:03I don't think
39:05That it was
39:06The dream
39:07That he
39:07You know
39:08Wanted realized
39:10The Grateful Dead
39:13Had become
39:14A hugely successful
39:16Rock and roll band
39:17And in the process
39:19Of course
39:20They lost
39:21Certain things
39:23You see people
39:26Cheering
39:27Even when they should be
39:29Crying
39:30Either because
39:32The performance
39:33Is very poor
39:34Or because
39:36The song
39:37Is
39:37You know
39:38Is a dirge
39:38Yesterday
39:41Yesterday
39:41I begged you
39:43Before I hit the ground
39:52He's singing about
39:53His own death
39:54Looking like
39:55He's about to die
39:56When I was younger
40:11It made the music
40:13More interesting
40:13For me
40:14But by 95
40:17It was a depressing
40:19And pretty intense experience
40:20You know
40:23He had something
40:23In him
40:24That embraced
40:26His own
40:27Self-destruction
40:29I feel that my real
40:40Responsibility
40:41Is to the audience
40:42In the now
40:43You know
40:43There was a conscious
40:46Decision in my life
40:47To be involved
40:48In something
40:48That was flowing
40:49And dynamic
40:50And living
40:51And not
40:53So solid
40:54That you couldn't
40:55Tear it down
40:55Something that had
40:59A life of its own
41:00And I was just
41:01A part of it
41:01Monuments
41:07Monuments
41:07Are an attempt
41:08To subvert death
41:09To transcend death
41:12To make a monument
41:15Of something
41:16Freezes it
41:17Forever
41:18That is exactly
41:22Opposite
41:22What Jerry wanted
41:24From the very beginning
41:29Jerry wanted
41:31To do something
41:33In real time
41:34And to touch
41:36People's hearts
41:37He wanted to make
41:41The Grateful Dead
41:42As open-ended
41:44As possible
41:46For me
41:49It has a lot to do
41:49With getting out
41:50Of the way
41:50You know what I mean
41:51At some point
41:54I decided
41:55Not to be
41:56Me
41:57And to be
41:58They
41:59When it's
42:02Something more
42:02Than my own
42:03Little self
42:04That's it
42:06That's the goal
42:07In the last
42:11Year and a half
42:12Two years of his life
42:13When the diabetes
42:15Was playing havoc
42:17With his moods
42:18I knew he didn't
42:20Want to do interviews
42:21And so I didn't ask him
42:23But six months
42:25Before he died
42:26I got a request
42:29And I took one look
42:31And I went
42:31This he's gonna
42:33Want to do
42:33My mother I think
42:36Must have taken me
42:37To see it
42:37The interview
42:38Was for a show
42:39On the American
42:40Movie Channel
42:40Called
42:41The movie
42:42That changed my life
42:43I had my head down
42:44And I cried
42:45Except occasionally
42:46I would glimpse
42:46The screen
42:47And I'd go
42:47Oh my
42:48He immediately
42:48Just sat down
42:49And said
42:50Oh yeah
42:51And started talking
42:52For half an hour
42:53That whole business
42:56Evoked something
42:57It like
42:59Touched something
42:59You know
43:00Something
43:01I don't know
43:02Something very strong
43:03It might have been
43:05The thing of
43:07A dead thing
43:08Brought to life
43:09Frankenstein's monster
43:11After all
43:12Is a drive
43:13To reanimate
43:14Or to
43:15To produce
43:17Life
43:17And it hit me
43:21In that
43:21In that archetypal center
43:23You know
43:25Like
43:25I'm a boom
43:26You know
43:26I'm a dog
43:27You know
43:27Death told
43:28Had no person
43:33In this thing
43:38But it really
43:42Is working
43:43The Grateful Dead
43:44Is this living
43:45Braving thing
43:46Death told
43:48It's not up to us
43:51To define it
43:51Or to enclose it
43:54In any way
43:55In this thing
43:57It's whatever it is
43:59In this thing
44:03I think that's one of the parts of its magic
44:07The effect seems to be
44:11Of not defining it
44:13Is that it becomes everything
44:14Death
44:24Oh
44:25!
44:26Oh
44:27Oh
44:32Oh
44:38Oh
44:39Oh
44:40Oh
44:40Oh
44:41Oh
45:42Okay, that's fantastic.
45:47You're welcome.
45:48My pleasure.
45:48I really enjoyed it.
45:50Oh, God, if you have to.
45:52Incredibly tragic, and it's a little frustrating right now because we don't know anything more
45:57than the fact that Jerry Garcia has died.
46:00He was found dead a couple of hours ago.
46:02There's no easy way to break this news to you.
46:03It is true.
46:05The unthinkable and the inevitable has happened.
46:09Jerry's gone.
46:10We had a life inside a little dad died in the morning in California of an apparent little
46:14guy.
46:16He said to his dad with a smile on his face.
46:19Well, thanks a lot, you guys.
46:25I certainly enjoyed it.
46:56All right, Bob would like to make a brief statement, and please, no questions.
47:09Well, I guess some sadness has come our way.
47:18This morning, Jerry Garcia, our friend, my brother, passed away, and I guess not much
47:26can be said about that except that we also have to remember that his life was far more
47:35a blessing for a blessing for all of us, and I think we should, perhaps, if we're going to
47:38dwell on anything, dwell on that.
47:45Jerry wasn't interested in building something that will stand the test of time.
48:10But I don't think that what we see as time can put an end to what we had.
48:22But I think it was, is, and will be there.
48:28Those moments are more alive than anything that a heart pumps out.
48:35That's what we were living for, and that was what we were trying to coax through on any given
48:46night on stage.
48:47That was the fun.
48:54That was the fun.
48:56That was the fun he was talking about.
48:57That's eternity.
48:58Feed me, to good.
49:00I keep me right here.
49:01I'm really going to take me, sing me, sweet and stupid.
49:06Sing me, sweet and stupid, over.
49:15It's a far-gone love I had so many years ago
49:23Mama, mama, many worlds I've come since I first left home
49:31Going home, going home
49:37By the water side I will rest my bones
49:41Listen to the river sing sweet song
49:44I'm real happy with The Grateful Dead
49:53I'm real happy with it
49:57What I'm hoping is to be able to see some way of extending this idea beyond ourselves
50:03I want to be feeling that this idea can continue without us
50:07It doesn't have to be The Grateful Dead, but something
50:11Gerowak's books opened up doors for me that put me in this life
50:17I would like to do that for somebody else, you know what I mean?
50:23And it'll be there for anybody who's got the spirit to go for it
50:28Bear you well, bear you well I love you more than words can tell
50:37Listen to the river sing sweet song
50:40Think about the woods around my soul
50:43Do-do-do-do-do-do-do
50:47Do-do-do-do-do
50:50Do-do-do-do do
53:24You know, I think I'll probably have more in common with the deadhead 500 years from
53:45now than I do with many people who are alive now.
53:50Why is that?
53:51Oh, just because I'll understand something deep about them.
53:55I meet kids now who are too young to have ever seen Jerry Garcia, and yet they are just as
54:04much of a deadhead as people my age ever were in the 70s.
54:08I don't feel like anything has been diluted or lost, and the one sad thing that I would relieve
54:17them of is their feeling that they missed it, because the thing that the dead and deadheads
54:26created together will keep working its magic in whatever form it's transmitted into the future.
54:32And there is no heaven to know you choose.
54:43Too deep in the 80s.
54:45Too deep in the 70s.
54:47Too deep in the 70s.
54:49But if you fall, you fall alone
54:57If you should stay, there are rules to guide
55:03If I do the way, I will take you home
55:12If I do the way, I will take you home
55:42If I do the way, I will take you home
56:12If you want to give your love to me
56:18I want to love you night and day
56:24You know I love my fate away
56:30You know I love my fate away
56:36I've been waiting
56:40You know I love my fate away
56:45You know I love my fate away
56:51I love my fate away
56:56You know I love my fate away
57:02You know I love my fate away
57:07I love my fate away
57:11You know I love my fate away
57:17You know I love my fate away
57:21You know I love my fate away
57:23You know I love my fate away
57:29You know I love my fate away
57:33You know I love my fate away
57:38I love my fate away
57:42You know I love my fate away
57:51You know I love my fate away