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Transcript
00:00Stop moving! Hands up!
00:16Easy, soldier. You have some coffee?
00:19That's why this is freaking my boss.
00:21This is a restricted military facility.
00:23Turn around and walk away, or I'll warm you up by loading my clippers.
00:28That would be a monumentally stupid thing to do.
00:31Let General Allen know that I'm here.
00:33Step aside, soldier.
00:34General Allen, huh?
00:36Who do you think you are?
00:38Damn president.
00:41Your general doesn't take walk-ins by random men in Christmas suits.
00:45Back the fuck up, or I'll take you guys.
00:58What the hell are you doing, soldier?
01:08Sir, this con man was trying to talk his way to our secure facility.
01:13Con man, this is Damian Blaine, CEO of Atlas Defense Group.
01:18Our top military contractor.
01:21He single-handedly controls the global arms trade.
01:24You fucking fool!
01:26I'm sorry, sir.
01:27I'm a fool, sir.
01:29Please, sir.
01:31Forgive me for my stupidity.
01:33At ease, soldier.
01:34Step aside.
01:35Step aside.
01:44Gentlemen, your arsenal's best intercontinental ballistic missile takes 27 minutes to reach its target across the border.
01:50Give me our enemies 27 minutes to prepare and launch retaliatory strikes.
01:54It's a weak spot, but we can't do anything.
01:57It's impossible.
01:58Impossible isn't in my vocabulary.
02:01We can do better.
02:04I have.
02:05I got it down from 27 minutes to only three.
02:11I thought you'd be skeptical.
02:13So how about a show and tell?
02:15Gentlemen, I present to you a Titan missile.
02:18Now you can strike anywhere in the world in just three minutes.
02:21We'll take it, sir.
02:22We'll take it.
02:23No matter the cost, we'll take it out.
02:24I thought you'd take it, though.
02:25Good.
02:26Now, before you've written, the President would like to host you for dinner.
02:42Well, I'm honored, but please tell the President I'm unavailable.
02:45Tonight, I have other plans.
02:47You're standing up, President.
02:49What plans could be more important?
02:52Well, General, as you can imagine, I sell weapons for a living.
02:56And my father's worried that I'll die single.
02:58So tonight, I'm going on a date to find my future wife.
03:08When we get married and merge our family companies,
03:11your Olsen Group will double its value.
03:16It's a win-win for me.
03:18Because I get richer and get to bow in a hottie like you anytime I want.
03:25Mmm.
03:26My father is forcing me to find a rich husband, but it won't be an immature frat boy like you trying to leech off my family.
03:37Get lost, creeps.
03:38Spoiled bitch!
03:39Whatever.
03:40So, what do you do for a living?
03:46Well, uh, I'm...
03:49My father's demanding I settle down.
03:51But I don't want a wife who only wants me for my money.
03:54I'm in sales.
03:55What about you, Sarah?
03:56Sales?
03:57How much do you make?
03:59How much do you make?
04:00But does that really matter?
04:02Yeah.
04:05Okay.
04:06Um...
04:07In a good year...
04:0850 or 60...
04:0960 grand!
04:11Good lord, you...
04:13You can't even get a one-bedroom rental on that.
04:16Oh.
04:17I cannot believe my daddy set me up with someone so...
04:23Poor.
04:25Why don't we get to know each other a bit before discussing money?
04:28Mmm, pass.
04:29Money's the only thing that matters.
04:33What a waste of my time.
04:35I passed up dinner with the president for this day.
04:37Talk about a waste of time.
04:39And I meant 50 or 60 million.
04:41Sigh.
04:48Had a bad date, huh?
04:51Tell me about it.
04:52I threw a drink in his face.
04:55My father is going to be furious and cut me off unless...
04:59I was just starting to like your smile.
05:02And he'll cut you off unless?
05:06This might sound crazy, but...
05:08I would make it worth your while.
05:11Would you want to...
05:12Get married?
05:15Married.
05:17You really bring new meaning to moving fast on the first day.
05:20Oh?
05:22Is this a date?
05:23It is a Friday night.
05:25It's a really nice place and...
05:28You look fantastic.
05:31This is the best date I've had in ages.
05:33Okay.
05:34Since it's a date, I'll get right to the getting to know me phase.
05:38My family's business is struggling.
05:40My father, a very traditional man, has got it in his head that the solution to our problems
05:47is marrying me off to some rich snob.
05:49I'm flattered.
05:51But what makes you think I fit the rich man profile?
05:54Doesn't matter.
05:55I don't care how much you make.
05:57I just need to get married to get my parents off my back while I fix our business.
06:01Contract marriage.
06:03Huh.
06:04That could work too.
06:05I know it's a crazy thing to ask, but I could pay you $10,000.
06:10All you'd have to do is play along and...
06:12That won't be necessary.
06:14I'd marry you for free.
06:15So I suppose my soon-to-be wife should know my name.
06:23I'm Damien.
06:25Iris Olsen.
06:27Pleasure to meet you.
06:28Pleasure to meet you.
06:30I hope you don't have any Christmas plans.
06:32Because as my fiancé, I need you to come meet my family.
06:39Mr. Damien, Merry Christmas.
06:41Merry Christmas.
06:42These are the Christmas gifts that you got for the Olsen's.
06:45They're worth hundreds of millions, so please let me securely deliver them to them.
06:49No need. I'll deliver them myself.
06:51Uh, but this is a company SUV.
06:54I'm a little confused.
06:56You're the Olsen's honored guest, and they didn't get you a car?
06:59Do they realize who you are?
07:01I haven't met the family or told them who I am yet.
07:03That's how I want it.
07:05I want them to know me for me, rather than my money.
07:08All right. Whatever you say, sir.
07:12Yes.
07:17And you are?
07:19Mom, this is my husband.
07:21We were just talking about you.
07:23Merry Christmas, ma'am. I'm Damien.
07:25I was hoping it was all a bad dream, but you're really here.
07:29My daughter really married a poor salesman.
07:32Mom, be respectful. I like him.
07:35I like him.
07:45This is Olsen.
07:48You're looking as lovely as ever.
07:50Oh, Marcus. What a lovely surprise. I didn't know you'd arrived.
07:56Um, what was your name again? Salesman? Oh, Damien. Yes, Damien. You should be honored.
08:06This is Marcus Walton, heir to the Walton Group, and the only man worthy of marrying my daughter.
08:17So, you chose to marry this, Iris?
08:22Iris?
08:23How...
08:26Bizarre?
08:28Bizarre? Yes!
08:30What can I say? My wife Iris has good taste.
08:35Don't be rude.
08:37Do you know who you're talking to?
08:39This man, the Walton Group, makes over a million dollars a month. You could probably never earn that much in an entire year.
08:50You'd be surprised.
08:52I'm sorry, Damien. This isn't...
08:55Don't bother, Mrs. Olsen. There's no point in trying to explain anything to someone like him.
09:01You're right, Marcus. Let's not waste our thoughts on such negative things.
09:05It's Christmas!
09:07It's Christmas.
09:11I'm sorry. Marcus is the douchebag my parents want me to marry.
09:16They only care about being rich and they hate people who aren't.
09:20That's why my mom's being rude to you.
09:22They have no idea what being rich means.
09:25Damien, are you upset? Please, you're not gonna back out of this, right?
09:28Oh, no, no, no. I'm all in. When I make a promise, I plan to keep it. I'd never screw you like that. I mean, unless you consent at first.
09:42If we get through this day with my family, I'll consent to anything. And I'll even throw in an extra grand for putting up with my family.
09:54Well, I'm looking forward to it. But, Iris, I really don't need your money. I'm good.
10:01Iris, did you know Marcus is working on a deal with Harvey Lambert?
10:06Harvey Lambert?
10:07No, Mom. I didn't. Because I don't even know who Mr. Lambert is.
10:13Harvey Lambert? He's only the second command, the world's largest defense contractor, Atlas.
10:23And with Mr. Lambert's support, we're gonna take the Walden Group worldwide and quadruple our profits.
10:33Oh, you see, Iris, Marcus is very impressive. He's a mover and a shaker.
10:41He's the kind of man you should marry, not this salesman who could probably never get an appointment with someone as powerful as Harvey Lambert.
10:50I didn't realize Harvey was such a big deal to people outside the military.
10:54Harvey? In this house, we show respect. And you are not on a first-name basis with a man like-
11:02Oh, but I am. Harvey's an old friend.
11:09An old friend? That's not possible.
11:14Marcus, he's just a salesman. He's just making stuff up so he doesn't look bad in front of Iris.
11:20On the contrary.
11:23I feel bad for you, Iris. Not only is your husband unsuccessful, he's a compulsive liar. Shame.
11:32But don't worry, darling. If he's strapped for cash, I can hook him up.
11:36I'm fine. Thank you.
11:38Oh, it's Christmas time. I could hook you up with a, uh, big boy job. You can clean toilets at my company. If you're lucky, he might just catch a glimpse of, uh, your old friend as he's leaving the bathroom.
11:56Marcus, stop it. I don't care that Damien is poor. He's much more of a man than you'll ever be. And I won't let you insult him like this.
12:07Thanks, babe. But, don't worry. They've got me all wrong. I actually, uh,
12:16What a whole coincidence. Uh, father is discussing business with Mr. Lambert. What a perfect way to prove that you're a liar.
12:31Dad? What? Mr. Lambert wants me to be there in person? I'll leave right away. Mr. Lambert isn't there yet, but, uh, if you'd like me to join him, I'll just, uh, confirm with your old friend, Harvey, that he's never met you before.
12:49No. You liar.
12:51Can't wait. And when you're ready to apologize, you know where to find me.
12:57You'll be apologizing to me. Alright, well, Mrs. Olsen, Iris, I'm slated at the jet, but I have, uh, business to conduct. Don't worry, I'll be back with your Christmas gifts.
13:14Iris, how could you have been so rude to Marcus? And Damien, you liar.
13:25Mom, stop it. We're gonna be late for Christmas at Gramps. Let's just go.
13:29Merry Christmas, Amanda. Merry Christmas, cousin. I am so glad you did not bring that pathetic Liz.
13:44Merry Christmas.
13:51Merry Christmas, family. Who's this Rando?
13:54You must be Tom. Hi, I'm Damien. I was his husband.
13:58So, you're the broke salesman who married Iris without even bothering to meet the family first?
14:07Oh, he doesn't care about Iris. He just married her for our money.
14:11Listen, guy. We all have a stake in this family business. You can't just waltz in here with Iris and steal it from us.
14:18I told you, Iris, darling, bringing this freeloader home was a mistake.
14:22Enough. It's Christmas. If you all can't be decent, my husband and I are gonna have to leave.
14:29Iris, don't be like that. We're just joking. You're the guest of honor tonight. You can't leave. Come on, come here.
14:35I'm sorry, Damien. My family's business is in trouble and they were counting on Marcus to save us by marrying me off to him first.
14:50It's nothing personal. They just see you as standing in front of their money.
14:55It's amusing, actually. They're so against me, but they don't know anything about me.
14:59I know everything I need to know about you.
15:04Unlike the men they want me to be with, you're a good guy. You're doing great. This is the best few grand I've ever spent.
15:11Well, I'm just keeping my promise. And Iris, I really don't need your money. I'm having a really good time with you.
15:19You're special. And I feel bad. In a rush to get married, we never consummated our relationship. But maybe later tonight we can...
15:32Auntie Iris! Uh, who's that?
15:35Hi, Leslie. This is my new husband, Damien. Damien, this is my niece, Leslie.
15:41Merry Christmas, Uncle Damien.
15:43Merry Christmas, kiddo. I didn't know you had a niece. I wouldn't have brought her a gift.
15:48Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew! Pew!
15:50Whoa.
15:51Uncle Damien, my money home's empty. Can you give me some money to fill it up for Christmas?
15:55Oh, honey. You're asking the wrong man. He's just a broke, small town loser. He doesn't have any cash for you. Do you, Damien?
16:04Leslie, Damien can't afford it.
16:07Daddy, what's a broke loser?
16:10Oh, it's just someone who's stupid and lazy and doesn't have enough to eat. Sounds sad, right?
16:17Oh, no. I'm really sorry, Uncle Damien. I shouldn't have asked.
16:21Tom, Leslie, your dad is joking. But maybe instead of something that costs money, Uncle Damien could take you somewhere.
16:29Now, Leslie, I'd love to fill your money gun. But I don't have any cash on me.
16:33But if you take this to the bank, they'll fill it up for you.
16:36Oh, Damien. You know the bank won't bother cashing a check that's worth less than the paper that it's printed on.
16:4450 grand.
16:4650,000 dollars? Where'd you get this kind of money?
16:50Can't be right. Unless...
16:53Damien, I don't know where you're from, but in the real world, writing a bad check is a crime.
16:59I knew it. He doesn't have this kind of money. He's just trying to show off. This check is worthless.
17:06It's not Leslie. Cash the check.
17:08This idiot's clothes don't even have a brand. If you're gonna pretend to be rich, try investing in some nicer clothes instead of these cheap knockoffs.
17:19Cheap. Huh. This is custom made, thank you.
17:21Damien, you are an embarrassment to this family. Lying to a child to protect your poor ego. How awful.
17:30You know, I was curious why your family's business was failing, but now I see why.
17:36You guys all jump to conclusions, and you can't see the truth when it's right in front of your face.
17:41You think I'm some poor loser? Prove it. Cash the check. Take it to the bank.
17:47And when you're ready to apologize, my wife and I will be here waiting.
17:51And when the check bounces? It won't.
17:53This is a family Christmas, and I'm done wasting my time on this loser.
18:01Agreed. Tom, help me with this.
18:04I need a drink.
18:11Who brought these Christmas gifts?
18:13They're from Damien.
18:15It's just a few gifts I got for the family. We can open them up during dinner.
18:18I really don't want to upset Dad during dinner, so I'd better check them out to make sure they're not too cheap or offensive.
18:22Hey, tough guy. What, are you embarrassed about your Christmas gifts?
18:27What is this fuss about, huh?
18:30Grandpa, this is my husband Damien, the one I told you about.
18:36Merry Christmas, Grandpa.
18:38Good, good. Not too tall, but handsome. You two make a lovely couple.
18:44Hey, Dad, what are you doing? Shouldn't you be resting?
18:47I couldn't wait to see my precious granddaughter.
18:51Is that a problem?
18:56Grandpa, everyone, dinner's ready.
18:58Whoop.
18:59Whoop.
19:00Whoop.
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20:18That's enough. It's Christmas dinner. Everyone, be respectful.
20:26Damien, I got you a present.
20:39I think someone confused me for the dog.
20:41Good one, sis.
20:43Oh, Iris, your husband's just been begging like a pathetic dog for our family fortune.
20:50We're gonna treat him like one.
20:52Amanda, is this some kind of a joke?
20:54Actually, I'm not hungry.
20:56Oh, you won't eat the food we give you, you ungrateful little gold digger.
21:01I'm confused.
21:03Okay, Grandpa, let me explain to you what everyone's thinking here.
21:07Damien doesn't deserve Iris. Not even a little.
21:11He tried to scam my daughter with a fake check.
21:13He's a terrible role model and a liar.
21:17Merry Christmas.
21:24The check was real, Dad.