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  • 2 days ago
Dementia Denial in Families 🧠 Why We Avoid It — and How to Face It With Love
Transcript
00:00They keep forgetting your name, but swear everything's fine.
00:03You want to help, but you're scared to say the word dementia.
00:07Sound familiar?
00:08For countless families, these moments are heartbreakingly common.
00:12A parent laughs off another forgotten appointment,
00:15while an adult child masks their growing worry behind a strained smile.
00:20In these silences, a quiet wall of denial begins to rise,
00:24one that can feel impossible to tear down.
00:26But understanding why this happens, and how to gently face it together,
00:31can make all the difference.
00:33Denial, in the context of dementia, is rarely just stubbornness.
00:37For aging parents, it often sounds like,
00:39I'm just tired, or I've always been forgetful, or
00:43Everyone misplaces their keys sometimes.
00:47Beneath these words is a powerful need for self-protection,
00:51a way to shield themselves from the terror of losing control, independence, and identity.
00:56After all, admitting memory loss isn't just about forgetting.
01:01It's about confronting the possibility of a future that feels unrecognizable.
01:05For family members, denial takes a different shape.
01:08Maybe you've caught yourself thinking,
01:10Let's not jump to conclusions, or
01:12Maybe it's just stress, or
01:14They're fine. I don't want to upset them.
01:18This is a form of emotional avoidance,
01:21often fueled by guilt, grief,
01:22or the simple fear of not knowing what to do next.
01:26Sometimes, denying the problem feels safer than facing the unknown.
01:30Both sides are trying to protect themselves,
01:33one from a loss of self,
01:34the other from a loss of someone they love.
01:36But why does denial grip families so tightly?
01:40Psychologically, it's rooted in ego defense.
01:43For the person experiencing symptoms,
01:45admitting to cognitive decline
01:47feels like handing over the keys to their own life.
01:49It threatens their sense of worth and autonomy.
01:53Caregivers and loved ones, meanwhile,
01:55are often overwhelmed by the emotional weight of what dementia means.
02:00A slow, painful goodbye that can start long before anyone is ready.
02:04Family dynamics can add another layer of complexity.
02:07Siblings may disagree about what's really happening.
02:10Spouses may protect each other from difficult truths.
02:13Children may panic, unsure of when or how to speak up.
02:18In this environment, silence becomes the path of least resistance,
02:22even as everyone silently notices more and more.
02:25So, how do you begin to break this cycle of denial?
02:29Gently and with love.
02:31The first step is to start with shared concerns, not accusations.
02:36Instead of confronting your loved one or your sibling is with blunt warnings,
02:39try opening the door to conversation with empathy.
02:43I've noticed a few things, too.
02:45Maybe we can check it together?
02:48On die.
02:49It's in.
02:50This approach removes blame and signals that you're in this together.
02:54Next, try not to force labels.
02:56Focus on how things are changing, rather than what to call it.
03:00Instead of saying,
03:01I think you have dementia,
03:03you might ask,
03:04Have you felt more confused lately?
03:07I just want to help you stay safe.
03:08This shifts the conversation from a frightening diagnosis
03:12to practical, compassionate support.
03:15Sometimes, a third voice can help ease the tension.
03:18Inviting a trusted doctor or counselor into the conversation
03:21can provide an objective perspective.
03:24Health professionals can often say what family members can't,
03:27and their expertise can be reassuring for everyone involved.
03:31Finally, keep emotions on the table.
03:33It's okay to be honest about how hard this is.
03:36You might say,
03:37This is hard for me, too,
03:39but I love you too much to ignore what's happening.
03:42Vulnerability can be a bridge,
03:44reminding everyone that love, not fear,
03:46is guiding these conversations.
03:48Facing dementia is never easy.
03:51But denial doesn't have to be the only way forward.
03:54By understanding its roots,
03:55and taking small, gentle steps,
03:57families can begin to support one another
03:59with honesty, care, and hope,
04:03tearing down that quiet wall,
04:04one loving moment at a time.

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