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  • 2 days ago
MISSION ORPHAN TIME?! | Helluva Shorts 5 - Helluva Boss Madness
Transcript
00:00All right, Looney, today we're dealing with a children's entertainer.
00:25It goes by Mr. Rigglers.
00:27That must be a good one for you and me, and I think you know why.
00:30Uh, yeah.
00:31I hate that sunshine and rainbow shit.
00:33These guys always turn out to be sickos.
00:35Where are we?
00:36His third world sex resort?
00:38His slave cult compound?
00:40I just thought he would be really easy to kill, you know?
00:42And then we can have the whole rest of the day for daddy-daughter time!
00:45Ugh, fine.
00:47Okay, you go on and I'll just sneak in.
00:57Holy shit, that was just unlocked.
01:00Well, of course!
01:01My door's always open to a new friend.
01:04Would you happen to be an orphan?
01:06Wh-
01:07Am I a what?
01:08An orphan?
01:10Y-yeah.
01:11Actually, I am.
01:12How did you run the charity event?
01:14Oh!
01:15Uh, yes.
01:16Why isn't that just a wonderful thing that makes you special?
01:20What can I do to brighten up your day?
01:23Yeah, you can cut the Santa Claus shit.
01:25I actually came to kill you.
01:26Oh, heavens.
01:27These wish-a-wish things sure have gotten mighty extreme.
01:31Well, if that would make you happy, you're more than welcome.
01:35Anything for an orphan.
01:40Uh, he's an orphan too.
01:41He has fucking red-itis.
01:44Oh, hello there, special friend.
01:46Hi!
01:47Luna, what's the deal here?
01:50Were you waiting on me?
01:51Yeah, I was just about to shoot him.
01:53You want to get comfortable or any last requests?
01:56Oh, I wouldn't want to be a bother.
01:58Given your limited time left on this earth, I'd like you to enjoy it.
02:03We might have a sec.
02:05What is it?
02:06I just want to say goodbye to my children.
02:09The red-itis will probably kill me by the-
02:11Wait, what?!
02:12That's very kind.
02:15Luna, what in Satan's sphincter has gotten into you?
02:18I don't know.
02:19Would it really be the worst thing to let a dad spend some time with his kids?
02:22That's what I'm saying.
02:23He's being a total dick.
02:27Fine.
02:28Just make it quick, you shriveled nutsack.
02:30You've always been great.
02:33We go catching frogs in the summer.
02:36Take care of your mother for me.
02:38I'll be in your dreams.
02:41Now don't miss me too much.
02:44And when you walk down that aisle, whoever it's with.
02:49Where are my manners?
02:50Have you met my new friends?
02:52They're about to kill me.
02:54I want you to have it.
02:56The only letter missing to a special is you.
03:02Alright, I'm not buying it.
03:03There's no way this many women drop their panties for the guy who teaches the ABCs to puppets.
03:10No, no, no.
03:11I've been happily married for 74 years to my very first sweetheart.
03:17And I exclusively and regularly perform oral sex on her.
03:22She gets more pleasure that way, so I much prefer it to intercourse.
03:27Then where the fuck did all these kids come from?
03:30A lot of orphans have trouble getting adopted, so I just adopt those ones myself.
03:36Well, isn't that just fucking great?
03:39We wasted the whole damn day on this!
03:41Oh, what a beautiful sunset.
03:43I'd quite like to watch that as I go.
03:46Will you join me?
03:59I'm glad I could make a new friend today.
04:02I hope I see you again in a great beyond.
04:05Well, I'll be in hell, so probably not.
04:07Unless there's something I don't know about you.
04:10You know who I am.
04:12And I know someday you'll show the world who you really are.
04:16I don't think they'd like the real me.
04:18I know I would.
04:20Ta-da!
04:35You make a new friend.
04:36You're funny.
04:37Yeah.
04:38Yeah.
04:39Oh.
04:40Oh.
04:41Oh.
04:42Oh.
04:43Oh.
04:44Oh.
04:45Oh.
04:46Oh.
04:47Oh.
04:48Oh.
04:49Oh, God.
04:50Oh, my God.
04:51Oh, my God.
04:52Daddy will fix this!
05:22To be continued...

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