Campbell Johnstone shares his inspiring story from New Zealand to Santi Castañeda in this special interview. The first All Black to come out as gay remembers the anxiety he felt while competing, as well as the doubts before an announcement that ended up going around the world.
00:06It scared me on the fact that I thought it would derail my goal, I thought it would end my rugby career because in my own mind, you know, a gay or black wasn't meant to be.
00:18I decided that it was time to share it. The main reason was probably because I was comfortable within myself and comfortable with who I was and had a very, you know, supportive partner and just felt that it was time and felt that, you know, it could benefit rugby and sport.
00:43The fact that it may, you know, potentially help one person or a couple of people or a lot of people.
00:51You know, you can't help anyone if you're not, you know, if you don't help yourself and if you're not, you know, 100% comfortable then you...
00:58What does it mean to be an all black?
01:00It meant everything. It was, you know, my life goal and that. So it was the world to me.
01:05It's something pretty special and I think every kid, when they're, you know, growing up, they have that vision, that idea to be, you know, somewhat a hero, which is an all black.
01:16What does it mean to be an all black who opens a new way?
01:19To be honest, it's very humbling. I think my whole experience has been exceptionally humbling.
01:24You know, very lucky. You know, it's such supportive family and friends and then you hear other people's stories where they didn't have that same support, which is quite sad.
01:33And, you know, they had to stop playing the sport they love because they didn't have that support network.
01:38It actually shocked me. I naively thought it would only go maybe New Zealand and then maybe Australia and the rugby community.
01:47And that would be where it stopped. But sort of spread around the world like wildfire.
01:56After the story went to air, just all the messages and then all the media requests globally were huge.
02:02You know, CNN picked it up, BBC picked it up, so many places.
02:06In that sense, it was a little bit nerve wracking.
02:09I guess after it, it was, I was fairly calm, I guess relieved and, you know, excited about double life.
02:16And the funny thing was, like, I found so much peace and happiness in the sport.
02:24I was never really thinking about my sexuality when I was, you know, involved in the sports teams.
02:29And that it was more so when I was away from sport, away from rugby and at home and moments of, you know, downtime that, you know, the idea of my sexuality would creep into my head.
02:40And the idea of getting found out would creep into my head and anxiety levels would build and that.
02:46So, um, that was, um, the main, the main struggle that was probably going on sport that gave me so much love and joy was also the one thing that sort of gave me anxiety of being found out.
02:59So, um, 24, 25, a crossroads in my, in my life.
03:04I thought to myself, there's only, you know, two options.
03:07And the first option was to stop playing rugby.
03:10And the second option was to tell someone.
03:12And, um, there was no way I was ever going to stop playing the game.
03:15So, uh, I just had to, um, tell someone.
03:18And I decided to tell someone.
03:20I told my parents.
03:21Why do you think in soccer, in football, it's so difficult to find some reference, as you?
03:27Well, there are a few in football and in soccer.
03:30But I, you know, I, I think football in Europe is, is, and in Spain is, is regarded, we regard all blacks here image that we, um, portray it and, and we grow up seeing that.
03:43And it's that masculinity image, image, I guess.
03:45And we, you know, you see a football hero, like an all black hero is, is a, is a strong man, you know, heterosexual was meaning to portray that image, but it was just the way that the world was and the way that the country was.
03:59And I think now it's, it's slowly changing and, and people know that, you know, anyone can, um, be an all black or in, in your sense, anyone can be, you know, a football hero.
04:11How would you like to be remembered?
04:16Well, I, you know, I'd like to be remembered as someone who, you know, possibly helped and, and, and, and opened up that door in New Zealand rugby for, uh, other people to, um, to have the,
04:29to strengthen, to come through and to be, to be willing to, um, take that step if they, if they wanted to and, and knowing that, you know, it's not a bad thing and it's not as bad as what you think it is inside your head.
04:40And it's making a, an environment where everyone feels welcome is, is, is making sure you make people feel respected.
04:48We live in a world now that if you're good enough, you're, you're not going to be held back just because of the fact you don't fit the mold or because you're, um, gay, you're going to succeed because we live in a world now that, that is very open.
05:00And every time a person comes out, um, it's a brave step and, and they help the next person and make it easier for the next person to come out because there's more and more people coming out.
05:11I, I would recommend to any young athlete, like, just to make sure that the timing is right for you.
05:17Make sure that, that you're comfortable, that you have a support network.
05:21I know I'm saying that you have to come out.
05:23If you don't want to, you don't have to, but if you do and you want to tell just one person, then, hey, that one person is all you need to tell.
05:30If that, if that helps you, then that, that, that, that's excellent.
05:33You have a goal and, and, and you would want to go for it.
05:37Yeah, you'll achieve it.
05:39Don't be put off by that because you don't fit the mold or you don't fit the environment.
05:43Yeah, just make it fit you and, and you'll, you'll succeed.
05:46Well, Campbell, it's special meeting you.
05:48And, and, uh, hope we can meet, maybe, somewhere, in some big event.
