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The Three Badasses Who Want Me (2024) Full Movie Reelshort
Transcript
00:00:00Ellen musk the only woman on the Forbes 30 under 30 list arrives at Atlanta today what a business
00:00:12tycoon is doing here in Georgia a forgotten stage no one knows Angela my next-door neighbor still
00:00:19selling your hippie junk here if your mother-in-law sees she's gonna throw a big fit again
00:00:23your mother-in-law was right about you what's the point of watching the news all day about these
00:00:31moguls if you can't even apply it to your penniless self and how do you know that this is none of my
00:00:36business all right everybody get out we got an important guest coming you
00:00:45you deaf I said pack up and scram I paid this off here already and if you want me to leave then
00:00:55fine but you have to compensate for today's losses you want to say that again you know who's visiting
00:01:04today Ellen freaking musk one of the richest people in the world Ellen musk of course a hick like you
00:01:11probably never heard of her just know that you can't afford to piss her off really Ellen musk is
00:01:19flying all the way to Atlanta just to come to some flea market you don't think that she could be coming
00:01:26to see me coming to see you all right oh you know what I'll play your game if she does it so much as
00:01:35I'll just give you a glance I'll I'll eat dirt deal
00:01:49Ellen musk get to the flea market within 10 minutes or else you're fired
00:02:05prepare the limo miss lockhart requires us immediately oh you're 10 minutes you're
00:02:25gonna miss the good hope you don't wet your pants five four three two one
00:02:37Ellen I mean miss musk Ellen I mean I'm sorry that I sorry to frighten you how's my boss bitch kick an
00:02:52ass girlfriend so how do you like she's my boss and I prefer business partner or best friend no way
00:03:04well no no no I'm sorry for defending your boss no I won't do it again
00:03:15all right that's enough we're not tyrants here
00:03:22sir I found Angela Lockhart
00:03:31you mean Angela Lockhart
00:03:38you made me lose one million dollars in just one game of poker who are you
00:03:47where is she atlanta and you were right it was secretly her propping up ellen musk
00:03:55my clever bride I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to
00:03:59bex prep the jet I'm heading to atlanta
00:04:07dr. wilson that means sterling's on the move he's headed to atlanta atlanta the game is afoot I'm going
00:04:18wait dr. wilson the prince of bhutan needs your medical attention he can wait I need to pick up my bride
00:04:24dr. wilson
00:04:31general eisenhower reporting David sterling and shane wilson are headed to atlanta atlanta where is that
00:04:44whatever prepare my warplank don't sue going after my fiance this is war
00:04:50i've secretly allowed your husband jared cooper to win the bid on the maple plaza project like you
00:05:11asked me to thank you so much ellen this is going to be the best anniversary gift ever
00:05:17that project is worth billions he can finally take his company public but angela my boss
00:05:25i don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without ever revealing your true
00:05:30identity without your backing no offense but he's nothing without you well three years ago
00:05:39i don't understand why you do so much for him behind the scenes without you i don't know why you do so much for him
00:05:47you saved me
00:06:00he saved me and i fell in love with him instantly i didn't want to reveal my true identity because
00:06:10i didn't want him to feel the pressure of being with a billionaire heiress but now with this contract
00:06:17i feel like we'll be on more equal footing and then i can finally come out to the public
00:06:22so that's why you have me secretly helping him i'm sure he'll be moved when he finds out
00:06:30but why work at the flea market are you disguising yourself to test him well these exotic spices are
00:06:39incredibly rare and cost a fortune to find plus i get to make the best dishes for my hubby and his mom
00:06:46you seem happy being a housewife where the hell are you don't tell me you were selling junk at the
00:06:55flea market again get home stacked it's a big day today that was my mother-in-law carol she judges me
00:07:06because she thinks i come from a lower class family but she's going to be ecstatic tonight when i finally
00:07:11come out and tell her who i really am you know she even remembered our third year anniversary
00:07:23please spend more time with my son
00:07:26hi i'm home i have a big announcement i have to make finally you're back now sign the divorce papers
00:07:34divorce papers is this some sort of misunderstanding mom oh god don't call me mom again we're ending
00:07:47that relationship just look at you dirt all over you're selling the title of mrs cooper you don't
00:07:54deserve my son you're way below his league i'm below his league that's right you are jared is signing
00:08:04a hundred billion dollar contract tomorrow with the ellen musk and then his company's going public
00:08:11that's how much he's accomplished in three years but you you're still just a stinky hippie peddler
00:08:20jared's like the king in the clouds and you you will always just be a pawn like dirt
00:08:28dirt on our shoes dirt on your shoes but ellen musk works for me you're delusional you will never
00:08:40upgrade to a queen how dare you compare yourself to the real deal here resorting to lies definitely not
00:08:50good enough for jared and who are you to come into my house and meddle with my family matters
00:08:59you're nothing but a pathetic excuse for a wife
00:09:04jared deserves a queen like kaylee not a low-life dirtbag enough
00:09:09jared i knew you wouldn't divorce me but i am don't fight it angela here's 500k you'll never make
00:09:22this much as a hippie peddler selling spices now sign the papers take your check and leave don't embarrass
00:09:29yourself further i've done so much for you these past three years did that not mean anything to you
00:09:40i didn't expect you to be so greedy fine here's another 200 000. 500 000 is too much for her already
00:09:49she's done nothing hasn't even contributed a grandchild she just sells cheap grass all day
00:09:56is that really how much i'm worth to all of you i took care of both of you these past three years
00:10:06you think we can't just hire a maid to cook for us or something and she wouldn't embarrass us with
00:10:12that permanent stench a hippie peddler becoming the wife of a ceo what a joke if you actually love
00:10:21my son you'll sign the damn divorce papers already and leave you really think that jared would have
00:10:30gotten that maple plaza bid without me let alone taking the company public i did everything for you
00:10:38jared now you take credit for my son's success it's all my work baby we're gonna be late for the auction
00:10:53if we keep letting this psycho stall us you did say you would win me princess diana's tiara didn't you
00:11:01so she's the reason for the divorce she's worth more than you angela fine i'll sign it but don't
00:11:15regret it regret you know who i am yeah a cockroach that only knows how to crawl her way into a married
00:11:24man's bed i'm eric vanderbilt's only daughter jared winning the bid a maple plaza was because of my dad
00:11:35because he's business partners with ellen musk it's part of the power i have as an elite you can't do
00:11:44shit because you're poor social stratum matters yeah social stratum does matter and the coopers
00:11:54are beneath me and you really think ellen musk would come to atlanta if it weren't for me
00:12:01ha you're delusional now sign the peepers and scram
00:12:10you owe me you dirty bitch you sicken me
00:12:20you hit me
00:12:24now sign the papers take your check and get the fuck out
00:12:43i don't need your penny money
00:12:44we're finished you don't want the money that's your loss
00:12:52your check is just pennies to me but i would like my ring back
00:12:57have fun on your economy flight while i catch right on my private helicopter out of here
00:13:12and i'm way out of your league
00:13:24isn't that the winston blue diamond ring it's worth tens of millions of dollars
00:13:32oh it's probably just cheap glass something she found at the flea market
00:13:37you're right she could never afford anything so expensive
00:13:43congrats jared boo boo on getting rid of that dirt bag
00:13:48oh my dad says there's going to be a secret big shot financial tycoon at tomorrow's summit
00:13:56bigger big shot than ellen musk
00:13:58yeah and nobody's met them but i can introduce you
00:14:02oh everything's thanks to you
00:14:17uh angela mr vanderbilt the richest man in georgia wants to schedule a meeting before the bidding
00:14:26vanderbilt yeah he's actually ceo of one of our companies basically our employee
00:14:32okay i'll meet him at the summit tomorrow it's fine well you're still going to the summit tomorrow
00:14:36but you and jared cooper are already divorced that's exactly why i'm going
00:15:02uh angela lockhart i finally found you who who is he that that's devin sterling he's number one on
00:15:13forbes 30 under 30 list and an early investor of crypto ceo of sterling enterprises rumor has
00:15:19that he's worth trillions and he's your fiancee what what my fiancee the one and only
00:15:29So, after running away and leaving me single for three years, have you figured out how
00:15:37you're going to make it up to me yet, babe?
00:15:48That tiara looks perfect on you.
00:15:54What is she doing here?
00:15:59You skank!
00:16:00My son just divorced you yesterday and you're already hooking up with another man.
00:16:06Divorced?
00:16:07That's right.
00:16:08So, I guess this was never meant to be Mr. Sterling, Devon, Sterling.
00:16:18So she has to hide her marital status to find another man.
00:16:21Guess she's not just a forsaken woman.
00:16:23She's also a stinky, penniless whore.
00:16:29How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:16:32Who the fuck are you, bitch?
00:16:34Do you know who I am?
00:16:36They don't know who you are.
00:16:40You hide it well.
00:16:43X-Team!
00:16:45Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:48Teach these fools a lesson.
00:16:51Sir, you were kind of in a rush when you flew to Atlanta and then to New York.
00:16:58You forgot to bring the security team.
00:17:04Mind if I borrow your men?
00:17:12Toss these ill-mannered apes out!
00:17:14Oh!
00:17:15You bitch!
00:17:16I'll have my son teach you a real lesson!
00:17:25A kiss as a reward, my lady.
00:17:31The guest list is very distinguished tonight.
00:17:40You've got Bill Ford, Harvey Buffet, old money like me.
00:17:45Gentlemen, Harvey, Bill, this is Jared Cooper.
00:17:48Pleased to meet you all.
00:17:49Your families all started empires after the Industrial Revolution.
00:17:52What an honor.
00:17:53I heard you secured the Maple Plaza project.
00:17:56It's worth billions of dollars.
00:17:58Congrats.
00:17:59You'll be next.
00:18:01But we haven't received a contract yet.
00:18:03We deserve it.
00:18:04Oh, that's nothing.
00:18:05I introduced this kid to Ellen Musk.
00:18:07Vanderbilts and Miss Musk have always had a good relationship.
00:18:10So, thought I'd help the kid out, pull a few strings.
00:18:14Hm.
00:18:15Thank you, Mr. Manfield.
00:18:16Now, we just have to impress Miss Musk's special guest of honor.
00:18:20Yes.
00:18:21I heard they're a very important and powerful guest, even wealthier than Ellen Musk.
00:18:28Now, if we can just secure a position with this big shot, we can feast for generations.
00:18:34I'll do my best.
00:18:39Excuse me a second, gentlemen.
00:18:46What if it's the Prince of Bhutan?
00:18:50How did a hobo like you sneak in here?
00:18:53Me, a hobo.
00:18:55How did a cheating scumbag like you sneak in here?
00:18:58You sleep your way in?
00:18:59I told you, Angela Lockhart, don't bother stalking me.
00:19:02Nothing will come of it, and it only sickens me further.
00:19:05Don't flatter yourself.
00:19:08This is your ex-husband?
00:19:13What, were you blindfolded when you married him?
00:19:16Who the hell is this?
00:19:18You were cheating on me?
00:19:19Son, you have to avenge me and Cayley.
00:19:34That wicked ex-wife of yours hired some thugs and a gigolo to beat us up.
00:19:40They even took Cayley's tiara!
00:19:43You dare hurt my mom and Cayley?
00:19:57Get your hands off of her!
00:20:01Ah!
00:20:02Ah!
00:20:03Ah!
00:20:04My lady!
00:20:06It's...
00:20:07It's him!
00:20:09He scammed a million dollars off me in a game of poker yesterday!
00:20:14Who are these peasants?
00:20:15These seats are reserved for the Elements of the House of the House of the House of the House of the House.
00:20:19Ellen Musk and her special guest!
00:20:20Oh, shut up, old man!
00:20:21Oh, shut up, old man!
00:20:22Oh, shut up!
00:20:23Oh, shut up!
00:20:24Oh, shut up!
00:20:25Oh, shut up!
00:20:26Oh, shut up!
00:20:27Oh, shut up!
00:20:28Oh, shut up!
00:20:29Oh, shut up!
00:20:30Oh, shut up!
00:20:31Oh, shut up!
00:20:32Oh, shut up, old man!
00:20:33Oh, shut up!
00:20:34You're disturbing the peace!
00:20:38Fuckers, you know who that is?
00:20:39That's Eric Vanderbilt.
00:20:40If you have any idea, you can pay a couple of questions, email me and get back for them.
00:20:42I'm not going to refuse to get back home.
00:20:43I think my friends are going to want to be a nice guy.
00:20:45Beautiful.
00:20:46I'm not going to get back home.
00:20:47I'm going to get back home!
00:20:48Ah!
00:20:49It's informed!
00:20:50My friend, this is my friend.
00:20:51I'm not going to get back home.
00:20:52What did you do?
00:20:53I'm going to get back home!
00:20:54I'm going to get back home!
00:20:55Eric Vanderbilt. You have any idea how many generations of wealth he has? His ancestors
00:21:00built the railway and steamship empire of America. The civil war would not have been won without his
00:21:06family's involvement. Vanderbilt. The father of that skank, Kaylee Vanderbilt, who only knows how
00:21:14to crawl her way into a married man's bed. That? The only Vanderbilt family.
00:21:27Oh goddammit, a stomach ache now?
00:21:34Whatever. Angela can handle herself, she'll be fine.
00:21:44How dare you call one of us low? I'm Harvey F. M. Buffett, the most important investor in the entire stock market.
00:21:58I can wipe you out with a simple pinky only. And I can wipe you out with a strand of my hair.
00:22:07Not with me around. I, Bill Ford, and the entire Ford Auto empire stand with these gentlemen.
00:22:12You're all just peasants compared to who I really am.
00:22:18You're fucking delusional, Angela. We've had enough of your games. Security! Break their limbs and toss them out.
00:22:27Looks like the old guard is teaming up against you. But don't worry, you got no money here.
00:22:35I can handle myself, thank you. Yes, my great.
00:22:38You're all despicable. An insult to your family names.
00:22:47Now, it's my turn to rule. Destroy Jared Cooper. Cut off all business ties. And if you don't,
00:22:57I will take away all of your family's wealth and power.
00:23:03Ha! I knew it! You're here to fuck with me. You can't fool anyone here.
00:23:08How much money did you spend on that getup? To hire that gigolo to make me jealous? You're an orphan who sells hippie spices at a flea market.
00:23:17You have nothing. And you will always be nothing.
00:23:22She's a gold digger.
00:23:24Gold digger.
00:23:25A gigolo.
00:23:27Wanna try me for a night?
00:23:28Yeah, you're a little too pricey.
00:23:32Mr. Vanderbilt, we really shouldn't keep these bandits here any longer.
00:23:35They might upset Miss Ellen Musk and her special guest. Angela Lockhart is my spurned ex-wife.
00:23:40She's only here to try and ruin my bill in the Maple Plaza project.
00:23:42Oh, I'm gonna kill that sushi chef!
00:23:45Security!
00:23:51Security!
00:23:52You all don't realize that you actually all work for me. And now you're trying to throw a coup?
00:23:59You! Insolent fools.
00:24:03Let me guess. You're that special guest?
00:24:07I don't know.
00:24:09Throw them out!
00:24:10And not without some broken bones, too.
00:24:19Back down, Max.
00:24:22I got this.
00:24:47I got this.
00:24:49What the hell are you two doing here?
00:24:53I thought we were supposed to guard you.
00:24:55No, you're supposed to make sure Ms. Lockhart is okay.
00:24:58Oh my god, we're so screwed!
00:25:09Angela! Don't hurt her!
00:25:12You bitch. I've always been sick of you. You just threw yourself at me.
00:25:16How dare you insult my boss like that?
00:25:19Boss? Did she say her boss?
00:25:22Ms. Musk? That's Ellen Musk?
00:25:25That woman right there is Angela Lockhart.
00:25:27My boss and sole heiress to the Henry Lockhart's fortune.
00:25:31Their lineage is older than this country itself.
00:25:34Past the American Revolution?
00:25:36Back to the Renaissance.
00:25:38If she's your boss, then that means Angela Lockhart is...
00:25:41That's Lady Lockhart to you. She's royalty.
00:25:44And since you're all subsidiaries, she's your boss's boss.
00:25:48What are you going to do?
00:25:50Kneel for me!
00:25:51Oh, your majesty.
00:25:54Welcome to the United States.
00:25:57We've always been your royal subject.
00:26:00Yes, your highness.
00:26:02Is it queen or princess?
00:26:04It doesn't matter!
00:26:06My queen, please forgive our insolence.
00:26:09We didn't mean to offend her.
00:26:12Hey, what are you doing, idiot?
00:26:14Let go of the boss lady and beg for forgiveness!
00:26:18What rightfully belongs to you.
00:26:28She's a badass herself.
00:26:30He missed out on a good wife.
00:26:31You!
00:26:32You!
00:26:33You!
00:26:34You!
00:26:35You!
00:26:36You!
00:26:37You!
00:26:38You!
00:26:39You!
00:26:40You!
00:26:41You told me your wife was a hippie peddler!
00:26:42Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag this entire time!
00:26:44No!
00:26:45No!
00:26:46Don't believe their lies!
00:26:47I worked hard for everything!
00:26:48You worked for everything!
00:26:49You worked for everything?!
00:26:50Hey, honey.
00:26:51So, our third anniversary is coming up and I thought that maybe we could do something special
00:26:55this year?
00:26:56I can't focus on anything trivial like that.
00:26:57I have to...
00:26:58You missed out on a good wife.
00:26:59You missed out on a good wife.
00:27:00You!
00:27:01You!
00:27:02You!
00:27:03You!
00:27:04You!
00:27:05You!
00:27:06You!
00:27:07You told me your wife was a hippie peddler!
00:27:08Turns out you were the freeloading scumbag this entire time!
00:27:09No!
00:27:10No!
00:27:11Don't believe their lies!
00:27:12I worked hard for everything!
00:27:13You worked for everything?!
00:27:14Hi, honey.
00:27:15So, our third anniversary is coming up and I thought that maybe we could do something special this year?
00:27:17I thought that I have to figure out this bid for the Maple Plaza project and if I get it,
00:27:21I can take the company public.
00:27:30You were nothing before me.
00:27:33All your achievements, all your glory, that's all mine!
00:27:38Including the Maple Plaza contract.
00:27:41I can take all of that away just like that.
00:27:46No, you can't take that away from me!
00:27:48So that's why Elon Musk was urging us to pass on deals to this nobody!
00:27:52Oh, and this antique wedding ring?
00:27:55Yeah, I forgot to tell you.
00:27:57It was Queen Victoria's and it's worth is equivalent to more than an entire country's GDP.
00:28:03No!
00:28:04No!
00:28:05I gave you back the ring?
00:28:06I divorced a royal heiress?!
00:28:07No!
00:28:08No!
00:28:09No!
00:28:10No!
00:28:11Please!
00:28:12No!
00:28:13No!
00:28:14No!
00:28:15Please!
00:28:16No!
00:28:17No!
00:28:18Please!
00:28:19Take me back baby!
00:28:20I still love you!
00:28:21Oh man, looks like they've started the party without us!
00:28:26No one's allowed to start a fight without Cole Eisenhower!
00:28:36Guard these two again.
00:28:37Did he say, is he Cole Eisenhower?
00:28:40President Eisenhower's descendant.
00:28:42After General Eisenhower won World War II, each of his descendants have all gone on to become
00:28:47five star generals, the highest rank in the nation's military.
00:28:49Glad you buffoons know your history!
00:28:51Sorry I'm late babe.
00:28:52I got lost trying to find Atlanta, then lost again on my way back to New York.
00:29:01And that there is, that is the legendary boy genius Dr. Wilson.
00:29:07He's Dr. House's protege!
00:29:09Dr. House?
00:29:10Yes.
00:29:11I thought that was just a TV show!
00:29:12Oh no, that's based on real figure.
00:29:14Yep, that's me.
00:29:15My son of James House.
00:29:17Dr. House, he's practically my uncle.
00:29:19I critically diagnosed the Pope before him when I was just twelve years old.
00:29:23So he's been off crying himself a waterfall somewhere in the Netherlands for the last fifteen years.
00:29:28And I'm late because I ran out of gum and had to make a pit stop.
00:29:36Hey Alan, who are these weirdos and why are they here?
00:29:40Uh, they're all your fiancés.
00:29:43What?
00:29:44Fiancés.
00:29:45Plural?
00:29:46Fiancés.
00:29:47Plural?
00:29:48Fiancés.
00:29:49Plural?
00:29:50Watch it, nerds.
00:29:51I'm her fiancée.
00:29:52No, I'm her fiancée.
00:29:53You can both shut up.
00:29:54I'm her fiancée.
00:29:55It's you.
00:29:56It's me.
00:29:57Who the hell is he?
00:29:58I'm Spider-Man.
00:29:59How are all three of these men my fiancée?
00:30:00Uh, your father had arranged these engagements years ago, but I didn't tell you because you
00:30:14decided to marry Jared Cooper at the time.
00:30:16She has three bad-ass fiancés and she marries his dumbass.
00:30:23Whatever.
00:30:25Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:30:30Since you're all here, help me finish him.
00:30:35At your service.
00:30:37Me too.
00:30:39One down, two more to go.
00:30:44She's become queen.
00:30:46Bishop to g4.
00:30:51Ah!
00:30:52Ah!
00:30:53Ah!
00:30:54What is that?
00:30:55The most German festive water in the Nile River.
00:31:01Rook to a8.
00:31:07Hello?
00:31:11I thought I was king.
00:31:12No, you wish.
00:31:13The king doesn't do anything, so Ellen can be my king.
00:31:17Oh, fine.
00:31:22Bankrupt the forwards right this second.
00:31:29Hank!
00:31:31I've been bankrupt!
00:31:32No!
00:31:33I told you I would remove all of you from status and power if you didn't cooperate.
00:31:49Well, guess what?
00:31:50Game over.
00:31:51Alright, boys.
00:31:52Let's figure out this four-way engagement.
00:31:54Oh, well, that's serious business.
00:31:55I'm right with you.
00:31:56Wait for me!
00:31:57Nobody beats me to the finish line!
00:32:01Pandora!
00:32:02You already have three fiancés?
00:32:03You can't accuse me of cheating.
00:32:04I want compensation.
00:32:05You greedy SOB.
00:32:06Who the fuck is that?
00:32:07My ex-husband.
00:32:08Wait.
00:32:09You were married?
00:32:10Yeah.
00:32:11And if that's a problem for you, then you can totally back out of this engagement.
00:32:12More for me.
00:32:13No, no.
00:32:14Of course not.
00:32:15Just...
00:32:16Do you want me to check your eyes for you?
00:32:17No.
00:32:18No.
00:32:19No.
00:32:20No.
00:32:21No.
00:32:22No.
00:32:23No.
00:32:24No.
00:32:25No.
00:32:26No.
00:32:27No.
00:32:28No.
00:32:29No.
00:32:30No.
00:32:31No.
00:32:32No.
00:32:33No.
00:32:34No.
00:32:35No.
00:32:36No.
00:32:37No.
00:32:38No.
00:32:39No.
00:32:40No.
00:32:41No.
00:32:42Don't steal my joke.
00:32:43I can make him disappear without a trace.
00:32:45All of this of your past with him.
00:32:47What?
00:32:48Is there something on my face?
00:32:50Uh, yeah.
00:32:51Murder is intent.
00:32:54Let's remarry.
00:32:55Let's remarry.
00:32:56You still don't realize.
00:33:00I only fell in love with you because you saved me from drowning three years ago.
00:33:12Okay, I'm on my way.
00:33:42She should be okay now.
00:33:47Hey, you!
00:33:49Watch over here.
00:33:50I'll be right back.
00:33:57You saved me.
00:34:03Fuck.
00:34:05I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:08Fuck.
00:34:09I unwittingly gave away my own wife.
00:34:12You've cheated on me, you've hit me, and you've insulted me.
00:34:16And after all that, I never want to see you again.
00:34:20I fucking hate you.
00:34:23Little Lady Lockhart!
00:34:25God, what now?
00:34:27Yes, we understand that you are a very busy person,
00:34:32but if you're not going to give your ex-husband the Maple Plaza project...
00:34:36How about us three?
00:34:37Yes, unlike that scumbag, we won't turn on you.
00:34:41Yeah, no.
00:34:42You're all fired for trying to throw a coup.
00:34:44But...
00:34:45This is your fault, you doofus!
00:34:47We never should have believed your bullshit!
00:34:49No!
00:34:50No!
00:34:51No!
00:34:52We can't lose our positions with Ellen Musk and the Lockhart.
00:34:56Our family!
00:34:58I'll get you for this!
00:35:00Never should have listened to you!
00:35:04I'm ruined because of you!
00:35:11So, what's the situation here?
00:35:27I want to marry you!
00:35:29Listen, I only met you guys a few hours ago, and I'm not interested in flash marriages.
00:35:47But, what if I told you that we've known each other for much longer than just a few hours?
00:35:53Much longer.
00:35:54Angela, your parents would like to have a video call with all of you?
00:36:06My lovely princess, how are you?
00:36:09Look, your mother and I are in Italy!
00:36:11The views here are absolutely stunning!
00:36:14Perfect for a wedding, wouldn't you say?
00:36:16I heard you finally divorced that good-for-nothing blood-sucking free little husband of yours.
00:36:23Can't call his name, but...
00:36:26Anyway, congratulations!
00:36:28I've selected three prime young men for you to choose from to replace him.
00:36:33You must pick one of them to marry, otherwise...
00:36:37Let me do it!
00:36:39You must choose one of them in seven days, otherwise...
00:36:43We'll kill ourselves!
00:36:45Mom!
00:36:46Alright honey, that's it!
00:36:49Bye!
00:36:50Bye!
00:36:51So, who are you going to choose?
00:36:56Who are you going to choose?
00:36:59Well...
00:37:00What if I...
00:37:01Want all three of you?
00:37:04Well...
00:37:05What if I...
00:37:06Want all three of you?
00:37:10That seems greedy.
00:37:17But...
00:37:18I can always remove the other two options.
00:37:21Hey!
00:37:22I may be a doctor, but I can take lives too.
00:37:25I know and have access to all the devious poisons in the world.
00:37:30Whoa!
00:37:31Okay!
00:37:32No murder, please!
00:37:33I was just kidding!
00:37:36We have seven days to win her over.
00:37:38Ooh!
00:37:40It's like the Bachelorette!
00:37:42I know!
00:37:43We'll start with challenge one.
00:37:47Welcome to the show, the three badasses who want me.
00:37:50Today, we have our first challenge.
00:37:55What...
00:37:56Is...
00:37:57All of this, Ellen?
00:37:58You'll see.
00:38:07Oh my god!
00:38:08Oh my god!
00:38:09Cockroaches!
00:38:10All women are afraid of cockroaches.
00:38:13And it is every man's job to save their beloved woman from this monstrosity of a creature.
00:38:18What will our three candidates do to prove their undying love for our single, but screaming her head off, heiress?
00:38:34Looks like one of our contestants has already called it quits.
00:38:36It's up to the final two.
00:38:38What?
00:38:39What?
00:38:45최고!
00:38:48Oh!
00:38:49It's crunchy!
00:38:50That is sick cold!
00:38:51That is sick cold.
00:39:05Hey, when you're stranded in the middle of the battlefield, you'll be glad to see one of these around.
00:39:11There are two more left.
00:39:13Want to try one?
00:39:14God, no, no.
00:39:17Oh my God, save.
00:39:19Save you, save me.
00:39:21I'm a German-phoic doctor.
00:39:25These hands can't get germs on them.
00:39:27They're for surgery and saving lives.
00:39:44Thank God you're here.
00:39:48Are you all right, honey?
00:39:49Angela!
00:39:54All right, you won the first challenge, so your reward, you get to watch over her for the night.
00:40:00Just don't cross the line, if you know what I mean.
00:40:02I'm not her scumbag husband.
00:40:04You have nothing to worry about.
00:40:05Honestly, even if you guys fuck, it's not like it's against the rules or anything.
00:40:14At least my girl can get some.
00:40:16I bet her husband has a small dick anyway.
00:40:21The cockroaches.
00:40:22The God, the God.
00:40:24There's nothing in this room except you and me, okay?
00:40:26I'm going to kill Ellen when I see her tomorrow.
00:40:34I need a drink.
00:40:43Whoa, easy.
00:40:44You're on an empty stomach.
00:40:45Oh, why do you care?
00:40:49You're trying to drink away your sorrows, Angela.
00:40:53You guys were right.
00:40:56I was blind for marrying that asshole.
00:40:59You know, I wasted three whole years of my life with him.
00:41:05He never even loved me, and I gave up my entire career for him.
00:41:13Do you really think that you would still be number one on the Forbes 30 under 30 list if I was around?
00:41:21You may not be number one on the Forbes list, but you know what you're number one in?
00:41:27What?
00:41:31You're number one here.
00:41:35You know, we've known each other kind of a long time.
00:41:42Lies.
00:41:44You all just want something from me.
00:41:52Angela, I know it's hard to trust again, but I assure you I don't care what family you're from.
00:42:02I'm the richest man in the nation.
00:42:05I don't need your power, your status, your wealth, your connections.
00:42:12I just need you.
00:42:16I'll prove my love to you within six days.
00:42:19I promise.
00:42:19Screw the contest.
00:42:32I just want love.
00:42:35Angela.
00:42:37You're drunk.
00:42:38I'm an adult.
00:42:40Can't I go just get what she wants?
00:42:43Okay.
00:42:48But love and sex aren't exactly the same thing.
00:42:52Well, they're not mutually exclusive either.
00:42:55This is what you want.
00:43:05This is what you want.
00:43:099-inch penis.
00:43:33Morning to you, too.
00:43:34You sure you were drunk last night?
00:43:38You wouldn't...
00:43:38A girl remembers when she's had a 9-inch penis inside of her.
00:43:44Well, glad you enjoyed it.
00:43:47But don't tell Shane or Cole.
00:43:50Because then they would...
00:43:52Say that you were being unfair?
00:43:54Technically, us having sex doesn't break any rules.
00:43:56I won the first challenge, and according to Ellen, my prize was to spend a night with you anyways.
00:44:04Don't make this any harder than it already is.
00:44:10Are you sure you don't want it pretty hard?
00:44:14It's not.
00:44:17Fine, fine, fine.
00:44:21I won't tell.
00:44:23But only on one condition.
00:44:25You have to go out on a date with me.
00:44:35Fine.
00:44:39I've had a crush on you since college, Angela.
00:44:43You never noticed me.
00:44:47Well, uh...
00:44:49You should get dressed and get out of here before anyone sees you.
00:44:52It's only 7 a.m.
00:44:56She's still sleeping.
00:44:57I'm not sleeping alone.
00:44:58Yeah, I'm not letting my fiancé be alone with another man for another second.
00:45:04Morning, gentlemen.
00:45:06Oh, or shall I say roughmen?
00:45:08Oh, don't mind him.
00:45:11What's up, guys?
00:45:12We're ready for the second challenge.
00:45:14No cockroaches this time.
00:45:16Yes, no more terrifying things.
00:45:18That was my bad, Angela.
00:45:20This better be a good challenge, Ellen.
00:45:22I'm sure you'll all enjoy this one.
00:45:24The second challenge is...
00:45:26The second challenge is...
00:45:28A date.
00:45:29Lane, I should have asked for something else.
00:45:32A date?
00:45:33That's it.
00:45:34What's the catch?
00:45:35No catch.
00:45:36Just who Miss Lockhart enjoys spending her time with the most.
00:45:39As simple as that.
00:45:40I know what I want to do.
00:45:41Let's start with me first.
00:45:42Okay.
00:45:43Pulls up first, then...
00:45:44Me.
00:45:45Save the best for last.
00:45:48Ain't that right, Angela?
00:45:49Then it's decided.
00:45:54Please, don't take my BMW away!
00:45:57Too bad.
00:45:58You pissed off the Lockhart's.
00:46:01I have nothing left!
00:46:03It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:46:16It's that bitch who ruined me!
00:46:26You know, I said I will serve!
00:46:28At ease, Lieutenant!
00:46:29This is my Lieutenant.
00:46:30He also manages this boxing gym.
00:46:33Pass it to me, you Madame Eisenhower!
00:46:34He's so serious.
00:46:36But, hang on.
00:46:38Lieutenant!
00:46:39I don't know who I'm going to marry yet!
00:46:41Baby!
00:46:42I decided to take you here on my first date
00:46:44so that I can introduce you to my guns!
00:46:46Guns?
00:46:46Like...
00:46:47Murder weapons?
00:46:49Yes.
00:46:50Murder weapons.
00:47:03You're like my guns, babe.
00:47:12Pretty rock hard.
00:47:14Yeah.
00:47:15Let me show you what I can do with them.
00:47:17Lieutenant!
00:47:18Come close!
00:47:20Wait!
00:47:21You're just going to hit him like that?
00:47:23He's not even going to fight back?
00:47:24Fighting back will be treason, ma'am!
00:47:26Treason?
00:47:26You guys are way too serious.
00:47:30Look, you lock-heart bitch!
00:47:31I caught you!
00:47:32If I'm going down,
00:47:33you're all going down with me!
00:47:36Lieutenant!
00:47:36He's your attack!
00:47:37You dare try to hurt my wife?
00:47:54I will make you pay!
00:47:57You don't need to keep beating him up.
00:47:59We could just take him to the cops.
00:48:01Not when he tries to hurt you!
00:48:07It's always a bit violent.
00:48:11Some might call it being protective.
00:48:12Poor anger issues.
00:48:14What if we get married
00:48:15and I forget to use a coaster
00:48:17on an antique table or something?
00:48:19Is he going to be, like, rough?
00:48:22Hey, some girls are into that.
00:48:24I don't know if I am.
00:48:27Well, maybe Shane will be your type.
00:48:32Your date with Shane starts now.
00:48:35Cool ride.
00:48:42A gift from the Chancellor of Germany
00:48:44when I saved his wife.
00:48:45Impressive.
00:48:49Your breath smells like peppermint.
00:48:52Refreshing.
00:48:54I got cool mint, too.
00:48:56Or do you prefer spearmint?
00:48:59What do you not have in this coat of yours?
00:49:02Fruit-flavored gum.
00:49:03I can't stand those.
00:49:04So, where are you taking me tonight?
00:49:07Let me show you.
00:49:15Dr. Wilson!
00:49:17A VIP of VIPs!
00:49:19Right this way.
00:49:20VIP of VIPs?
00:49:22Ah, just some other guy I saved.
00:49:24I forget who.
00:49:25You saved a lot of football.
00:49:27I do what I can.
00:49:28Oh, my gosh.
00:49:31It's my gold-digging neighbor
00:49:33who just got dumped by her husband.
00:49:36Sandra Miller.
00:49:37What are you doing here?
00:49:38I just thought this was for the VIP of VIPs.
00:49:41Your mother-in-law told me all about the divorce
00:49:43and how you hired some gigolo
00:49:45to beat her and Kaylee Vanderbilt up.
00:49:49Hello of you.
00:49:50What are you doing here, Sandra?
00:49:52Of course your birdbrain wouldn't remember.
00:49:54I sell high-fashion jewelry pieces so high-end
00:49:57you couldn't even afford even if you sold your organs.
00:50:01The auction begins.
00:50:03I'll deal with you later.
00:50:06Here, I'll just be one sec.
00:50:07Cameron, I have a task for you.
00:50:17Our next piece is absolutely extraordinary.
00:50:21Cleopatra's Armband.
00:50:23Sold by our vendor, Sandra Miller.
00:50:27For $5 million.
00:50:30Excuse me.
00:50:31I'd like to donate this piece to auction.
00:50:34It's Queen Victoria's Ring.
00:50:35What are you doing?
00:50:43Just watch.
00:50:45Come on.
00:50:50That is Queen Victoria's Ring?
00:50:52Please.
00:50:53I'm an expert and that's a fake.
00:50:55She probably got it at the flea market she works at.
00:50:58You work at a flea market?
00:51:00Not this again.
00:51:01Cut the bullshit.
00:51:02That wouldn't even sell for $5.
00:51:04Oh yeah?
00:51:05Here, you want it?
00:51:06For free.
00:51:07Ew.
00:51:08I don't want that trash from a stinky hippie peddler.
00:51:12Well, that's too bad then.
00:51:14Because you are the fraud.
00:51:18What are you talking about?
00:51:19Who the hell are you to accuse me?
00:51:21Throw them out.
00:51:23Dr. Wilson, I know you're a legend in medicine.
00:51:26But we're professionals.
00:51:27Oh yeah?
00:51:28And that armband sells for $5 million?
00:51:33Yeah.
00:51:34Mine is the real thing.
00:51:35You two are just upset because you're too poor to afford our luxury items.
00:51:41What is that so?
00:51:42What a so-called expert fell to recognize Queen Victoria's ring then?
00:51:45Dear Lord, this is real.
00:51:50It's authentic.
00:51:52It's Queen Victoria's ring.
00:51:55Oh my God.
00:51:57Cameron, what have you found?
00:51:59Yeah, that picture of Cleopatra's armband you sent me?
00:52:03It's a replica.
00:52:05They had the same one right here at the flea market.
00:52:08So, you are the fraud.
00:52:13You just went to the flea market so you can buy some fakes.
00:52:16And Cameron, how much are these fakes being sold for?
00:52:19$150.
00:52:21Wow, not even $5.
00:52:24Sandra.
00:52:25You've been duping us the whole time?
00:52:29Arrest her!
00:52:30No!
00:52:31Please!
00:52:31He was just this one time!
00:52:33Please!
00:52:34What's going on, Dr. Wilson?
00:52:37Uh, investigating lead poisoning from cheap jewelry for the emperor of Japan.
00:52:41Bye.
00:52:41Blacklist her from the jewelry industry forever.
00:52:45I had a really great time tonight.
00:52:55Me too.
00:52:57May I have a kiss?
00:53:13Something wrong?
00:53:14Do you always have gum in your mouth?
00:53:22Yep.
00:53:23You never have to worry about stinky breath for me.
00:53:25You always have a bunch of money, Cooper.
00:53:40I don't have any money.
00:53:42How did you pay for this hotel then?
00:53:43I guess you'll only pay up if I break your other way.
00:53:51Stop!
00:53:56Mr. Vanderbilt?
00:53:59Mr. Buffett?
00:54:01This is the contract for the maple plaza project.
00:54:07That's right.
00:54:08Miss Musk wanted me to give it to you.
00:54:11I knew Angelo was still in love with me.
00:54:14I knew Angelo was still in love with me.
00:54:16No, no.
00:54:16Sorry about those injuries from earlier.
00:54:19It was all just a little misunderstand.
00:54:21Yeah, we could be partners again.
00:54:25And then maybe you can tell Lady Lockhart to put in a good word for us?
00:54:31Angela still loves me.
00:54:32She's just throwing a fit.
00:54:34She'll be back to me soon enough.
00:54:36Yeah.
00:54:36Do you need any help winning her back?
00:54:38We can give you jewelry to give to her.
00:54:40I was just sucking up to these pricks a few days ago,
00:54:44but now they're all begging me to help them out.
00:54:46It feels so damn good to be in power.
00:54:50Sure.
00:54:51I'll put in a good word for you.
00:54:53I just need...
00:54:54Anything.
00:54:55You tell us, we'll give you anything.
00:54:57Once I take everything from these idiots,
00:55:01I'll go after Angela Lockhart for my revenge.
00:55:10Give me the contract to Jarrett Cooper, just like you asked me to.
00:55:13Well done, he'll be fucked soon.
00:55:17Well done, he'll be fucked soon.
00:55:19I don't get it, Ms. Musk.
00:55:21My contract has a preliminary clause.
00:55:23It requires him to pay 50% of the costs up front as a deposit.
00:55:27And if he can't, then what?
00:55:29He'll be bankrupt.
00:55:30So as long as he's greedy enough to take it.
00:55:34I'm avenging my best friend.
00:55:36I want to show the world that without Angela Lockhart, he's nothing.
00:55:40Oh, I signed the Maple Plaza project.
00:55:49We should celebrate.
00:55:50You did?
00:55:51You see, I know my son has it in him.
00:55:54That skank, Angela, is nothing next to you.
00:55:57And it's all thanks to you, sweetheart.
00:56:00Actually, it's thanks to Angela.
00:56:05What?
00:56:07You're trying to ditch me to go back to your wife?
00:56:10Oh, no, no, no, no, he's not.
00:56:12Jared, what are you doing?
00:56:14You have such a beautiful and bright future ahead of you.
00:56:17It's my decision, Mom.
00:56:19I'm the head of the house here.
00:56:22I'm telling my dad.
00:56:23Fine, go right ahead.
00:56:25He has enough problems himself.
00:56:26If you're obedient, I'll keep you around as his side piece.
00:56:29But if not, you can scram.
00:56:31Dad, Jared is being mean to me.
00:56:35Teach him a lesson.
00:56:36Kaylee, be a good girl, okay?
00:56:38Jared has the backing of some very powerful people now.
00:56:42Don't get on his bad side.
00:56:44We can't afford to piss him off.
00:56:46So do as he says.
00:56:48What?
00:56:48Dad?
00:56:49I'm sorry.
00:56:58Be your side piece.
00:57:00Very good.
00:57:01I'm happy you've come around.
00:57:02Now let's go celebrate.
00:57:03I mean, do I really want to be with Mr. Minty Mouth forever, though?
00:57:11But that tongue action, though.
00:57:14Tongue is important.
00:57:15In more than just one spot.
00:57:16Arlene, we are in public.
00:57:18It's true.
00:57:19Oh, stomach ache.
00:57:21Again?
00:57:22I have to run to the bathroom.
00:57:24Devin should be here to pick you up soon.
00:57:26Okay.
00:57:28Devin's late.
00:57:30Not a good sign for a date.
00:57:33This hotel restaurant has five Michelin stars.
00:57:38It's her.
00:57:39And she's alone.
00:57:40With no one to save her.
00:57:44You whore.
00:57:45You seduced my son so he could get back with you.
00:57:50Let me tell you.
00:57:53I would never go back even if your entire family got down on their knees and begged me.
00:58:01Hey, you guys can fight all you want.
00:58:03You need to take this somewhere else.
00:58:05Whoever gets rid of her from me gets all this.
00:58:08What?
00:58:08Why do I have to leave?
00:58:09She's the one starting shit.
00:58:11Because I have money and you don't.
00:58:13You're just a stinky hippie peddler.
00:58:16And my son just signed a $100 billion contract.
00:58:19He's still got the contract?
00:58:21He's still got the contract?
00:58:22Hmm.
00:58:23Must be Ellen's doing.
00:58:25Even if he does sign it, he doesn't have the liquidity to pay the deposit up front.
00:58:29Oh, he's just gonna...
00:58:31Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:35Bet you've never seen this much cash before.
00:58:37You take my charity and toss it in my face as if it's your own.
00:58:45My maid wouldn't even pick up such a pitiful amount.
00:58:48$1,000 to take her away.
00:58:51$2,000 to drag her away.
00:58:53$5,000 to beat her away.
00:58:59Oh, oh, hey!
00:59:01Hey!
00:59:02Ow!
00:59:02Hey!
00:59:02Stop!
00:59:05You okay?
00:59:06Are you hurt?
00:59:12Weakling.
00:59:12You!
00:59:13You!
00:59:14Just a few days ago, you found yourself a boy toy right after getting divorced.
00:59:18And now you have two more?
00:59:20What a whore.
00:59:21What a whore.
00:59:22Yeah.
00:59:23And Jared wanted to get back with her?
00:59:26What if she has an STD?
00:59:28Oh, like sleeping with a married man wouldn't give you an STD.
00:59:32Let's go.
00:59:33We'll expose her to Jared.
00:59:35Hang on.
00:59:37What do you want?
00:59:39I'll scream!
00:59:40I don't hear a woman.
00:59:42But I never said I don't kill a woman.
00:59:45But I never said I don't kill a woman.
00:59:47I said I don't kill a woman.
00:59:50Oh, God.
00:59:51He is a murderer.
00:59:52What if he murders me?
00:59:54Not him.
00:59:55Definitely not him.
01:00:01We're not afraid of you.
01:00:03That's enough.
01:00:03This isn't a war zone.
01:00:05You'll be removed from being a five-star general if you hurt a civilian without adequate cause.
01:00:09I was just messing with them.
01:00:12Was he though?
01:00:13We're not afraid of you.
01:00:16Jared!
01:00:16You have to avenge us.
01:00:18Look at this slut.
01:00:19She's found two more boy toys.
01:00:21She's cheating on you.
01:00:22Don't get back with her.
01:00:23Oh, Mr. Cooper, it's you.
01:00:25I apologize for this scene.
01:00:27I'll toss out the potty crashers immediately so that you can go to his salvation banquet.
01:00:31Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:33Who did you say you were going to toss out?
01:00:35The potty crashers.
01:00:36You have any idea who that is?
01:00:41That's my wife.
01:00:43Please, save that title for the real skank over there.
01:00:46That's right.
01:00:47Know your place.
01:00:48Shut up.
01:00:49She's cheating on you.
01:00:52Know your place.
01:00:53You're just a side piece.
01:00:55If I still want you, that is.
01:00:56Eric, have you gone mad?
01:00:58This is Eric Vanderbilt's only daughter.
01:01:01You slap her for this whore?
01:01:02Mom!
01:01:03They really think there's something, huh?
01:01:06Angela's an heiress to a family whose wealth and status goes back to the Victorian age.
01:01:10She's richer even than Ellen Musk.
01:01:13I only got the Maple Closet Project because she gave it to me.
01:01:17What?
01:01:19You, apologize right now or I will kick you and your father to the curb.
01:01:23I'm sorry.
01:01:31No.
01:01:32This can't be.
01:01:34I made you divorce.
01:01:38Go home.
01:01:41You're not suited to come with me to my celebration banquet.
01:01:48I apologize on behalf of my mother.
01:01:50Honey, I know you came here to celebrate my achievements.
01:01:55I promise no one will bother you anymore.
01:01:58I didn't come here for you.
01:02:01I'm on a date.
01:02:03A date with two men at the same time?
01:02:06She really is a whore.
01:02:08Angela, please forgive me.
01:02:10I really do love you.
01:02:11Oh ho, Lady Larkhart is here.
01:02:16Oh ho, Lady Larkhart is here.
01:02:21Yeah, yeah, yeah, we already know you beat Ford's effort.
01:02:26We're too old for that.
01:02:27They're here for my celebration banquet.
01:02:30Please, you gave me the contract.
01:02:32So if anyone should go as my guest of honor, it should be you.
01:02:35Oh yes, please, Ms. Larkhart, join us.
01:02:38We'll all be one happy business family again.
01:02:42What the hell are you all doing here?
01:02:44Where were you?
01:02:46Stomach issues.
01:02:47Again?
01:02:48Would you like my diagnosis?
01:02:50No.
01:02:51Let me make myself clear, okay?
01:02:56I would rather die than be with you again.
01:03:00Seems that they're not actually on good terms.
01:03:04I can't lose face in front of these pricks.
01:03:06Otherwise, they'll cut me off too.
01:03:08Angela, I know you're still mad, but please give me a chance.
01:03:10I'll prove it to you.
01:03:12You want a chance?
01:03:14Angela, no.
01:03:15You have three great guys here who all want to marry you.
01:03:18Don't take him back.
01:03:19I'll give you two choices.
01:03:24I'll give you two choices.
01:03:28Me.
01:03:29Or the contract.
01:03:31You're kidding me.
01:03:32No, I'm not kidding you.
01:03:35If you choose me, we can remarry this week.
01:03:39But you don't get the $100 billion contract.
01:03:43The choice is all yours.
01:03:45That's a tough choice.
01:03:47You think so?
01:03:48He either marries a royal heiress or gets a contract that takes his company to the moon.
01:03:52Either way, he benefits.
01:03:54Why can't I have both?
01:03:56You really are a greedy bastard.
01:03:59Angela, I saved you in the pool, remember?
01:04:01I deserve the contract.
01:04:03Did you really?
01:04:04Look who's fashionably late now.
01:04:11He didn't save her at the pool.
01:04:14Wait, what are you talking about?
01:04:16I, uh, I choose the contract.
01:04:19I knew it.
01:04:20You'll get what's coming to you.
01:04:22With this contract, my company's earning potential is limitless.
01:04:28Angela Lockhart, you humiliated me in front of everyone.
01:04:31I will get you one day.
01:04:33Let me show you something.
01:04:34You saved me.
01:04:52You saved me.
01:04:53I'm sorry if his lies led to you wasting three years of your life.
01:05:00But I promise you, I'm going to make it up to you with the rest of our lives.
01:05:05No, no, I wasn't lying.
01:05:08I just couldn't remember exactly what happened that day.
01:05:11Does that mean we both each saved her once?
01:05:22What?
01:05:23Me?
01:05:24Dr. Wilson losing at saving people?
01:05:27No way.
01:05:28You guys, one of you, do something life-threatening right now.
01:05:32You're crazy.
01:05:34And actually, they've all been doing horrible shit behind your back.
01:05:39What?
01:05:41Mr. Sterling had me investigate their company's dealings.
01:05:45Turns out they've been fletching the numbers on your shared accounts and contracts.
01:05:49Put it simply, they've been stealing from you.
01:05:52I can't believe I didn't realize.
01:05:55Ms. Lockhart, I'm so sorry.
01:05:57I should have had third-party accountants check thoroughly.
01:06:00No, it's not your fault.
01:06:01They're just too slick.
01:06:03Would you like me to punish them for you?
01:06:05Oh, God.
01:06:05No, not that again.
01:06:07Please.
01:06:08Max.
01:06:09You know what to do.
01:06:24The banks have pulled all of our funds.
01:06:26All business ties have been severed.
01:06:29We're bankrupt!
01:06:29How did you do that?
01:06:36Who are you?
01:06:37And don't say Spider-Man!
01:06:41I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:45I'll tell you who I am.
01:06:46I am Crypto-Punk number two!
01:06:53What did he say he was?
01:06:54That's more bizarre than Spider-Man!
01:06:57You're Crypto-Punk number two?
01:06:59Well, I'm Crypto-Punk number one.
01:07:02See?
01:07:03You are number one at something.
01:07:04The most expensive NFT collection in the world.
01:07:08Forget Forbes' list.
01:07:09It's all about young money now.
01:07:12So, how about our date?
01:07:20I'm not letting one-off me on this one.
01:07:22Let's buy two.
01:07:23They forgot to cancel my contract.
01:07:39I still have the $100 billion project.
01:07:41Yes!
01:07:44I'm rich!
01:07:45I can't make them all pay soon!
01:07:53What?
01:07:55Mr. Cooper, sir.
01:07:56The Maple Plaza contract requires us to provide 50% of the costs up front.
01:08:01Otherwise, it's a breach of contract and we'll have to pay for all financial repercussions.
01:08:05No!
01:08:07I'm bankrupt!
01:08:10I'm just a little off-card.
01:08:11You tricked me!
01:08:17Oh, allow me.
01:08:21I'm sorry I was late, my queen.
01:08:24I had to get some very important materials for our special date.
01:08:30Well, cheers.
01:08:32Cheers.
01:08:41This looks good.
01:08:47Did you use my spices?
01:08:48I know your ex-in-law's never appreciated you.
01:08:55You can have all the money and power in the world, and you still can't force a man to love you.
01:08:59I couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:09:03I couldn't even remember our anniversary.
01:09:07Angela.
01:09:09Your future with me is going to be different.
01:09:15Come on.
01:09:17Come on.
01:09:18Go upstairs.
01:09:19Okay.
01:09:20Wow, Devin, I can't believe this is what I've been missing out on these past few years
01:09:43just because of some silly mistake.
01:09:46Angela, I've known and loved you for three whole years.
01:09:51Actually, I've also loved you for three years.
01:09:55That's right. I fell in love with you three years ago, too.
01:09:59How is all of this possible?
01:10:02I didn't meet any of you until recently.
01:10:05Well, actually, maybe Devin, but...
01:10:09I've had a crush on you since college.
01:10:12You're my motivation to go to business school.
01:10:16Despite who you were, you never judged me for being poor.
01:10:21Are you trying to get hired at Fortune 500 in a suit like that?
01:10:28All you do is babble on and on about internet money, Bitcoin and shit like that.
01:10:37Are you trying to steal my spot?
01:10:42I'll teach you a lesson.
01:10:46Hey! Get away from me!
01:10:47Angela!
01:10:50Feisty girl. I like her.
01:10:52How is he?
01:11:04It's a rare poison.
01:11:05Made from a mixture of dried roots found in Africa.
01:11:08Astaga saltifu.
01:11:10Can he be cured?
01:11:11I actually think I know that poison.
01:11:13It sounds really scary, but it's cure can actually be found in any developed country.
01:11:17Household salt.
01:11:18I like her.
01:11:27There you go.
01:11:28What time is it up?
01:11:30Oh, shoot. I'm late for swim practice.
01:11:32I like her.
01:11:33We have been rivals ever since.
01:11:34So that's how I, well, we all met.
01:11:41I barely remember.
01:11:42Should I never let you go to swim practice that day?
01:11:44Matthew Richards, the guy who poisoned me, attacked you out of revenge.
01:11:46You wouldn't have known.
01:11:47I did not let you go to swim practice that day.
01:11:48Oh, shoot. I'm late for swim practice.
01:11:51I'm late for swim practice.
01:11:52I like her.
01:11:53I like her.
01:11:55We have been rivals ever since.
01:11:57So that's how I, well, we all met.
01:11:59I barely remember.
01:12:00You're losing me.
01:12:01I attacked you out of revenge.
01:12:02You wouldn't have known.
01:12:03I did hear you dropped out and became a loan shark, though.
01:12:06That makes you feel any better.
01:12:07Yeah, I think that suits him a little better.
01:12:10Yeah.
01:12:11Angela?
01:12:12Your seven days is almost up.
01:12:13Now that you know, they all loved and fought for you for three years.
01:12:17Who will you pick?
01:12:23How can that be?
01:12:25Angela Lockhart is an heiress?
01:12:30Kaley, we've gone bankrupt.
01:12:35Bankrupt?
01:12:36The Vanderbills have gone bankrupt?
01:12:40Well then, get out of here.
01:12:43What?
01:12:44You can't do this to me!
01:12:45Oh, oh!
01:12:47Jared!
01:12:48Mom, it's me.
01:12:49What happened?
01:12:50Jared, I have carefully reconsidered.
01:12:54Angela is way better than this dimwit.
01:12:57You should get back with your wife.
01:12:59We're bankrupt.
01:13:01What?
01:13:05Jared Cooper.
01:13:08We are here to
01:13:09propose your belongings.
01:13:12No one is going to save you now.
01:13:14What?
01:13:15What?
01:13:19What kind of an asshole throws his own
01:13:21mother to the dogs?
01:13:25Who will you pick?
01:13:29I...
01:13:35I brought you fried chicken?
01:13:37Fried chicken?
01:13:38Hey, not all girls like sushi and caviar.
01:13:40Yeah, he's right.
01:13:41I did live in Atlanta for three months.
01:13:43Sucking up last minute!
01:13:45At least I don't speak like an AI robot.
01:13:48Hey, stop.
01:13:49Stop.
01:13:51Welcome back to The Bachelorette.
01:13:54I mean, the three badasses who want me.
01:13:57I mean, Angela Lockhart...
01:14:00You know what I mean.
01:14:01Today, our heiress Bachelorette will choose
01:14:05which one of our three badasses will she marry.
01:14:09Will it be Shane, the doctor?
01:14:13Cole, the general?
01:14:15Or Devin, the CEO?
01:14:23Looks like our Bachelorette may need a little more time to decide.
01:14:27Oh, the suspense is killing me!
01:14:30But when she does, she will take this eternal rose
01:14:33made from glass imported from Venice
01:14:35and give it to our winner.
01:14:38Angela?
01:14:41Angela?
01:14:43Oh.
01:14:44I...
01:14:46I need more time to think.
01:14:52While our Bachelorette takes a little time to decide,
01:14:55why don't we check in with each of our candidates?
01:14:58Let's check in with each of our candidates.
01:15:01Let's start with Cole.
01:15:03Cole.
01:15:07There's not much to say.
01:15:09Who wouldn't want a five-star general
01:15:11who has huge biceps,
01:15:14a massive chest,
01:15:16who would protect their...
01:15:18wife?
01:15:20Okay.
01:15:23Uh, Shane?
01:15:26Muscles?
01:15:27Money?
01:15:29They'll only get you so far.
01:15:31But you need a well-balanced man like me
01:15:33that has more than one way to keep a lady happy,
01:15:35if you know what I mean.
01:15:40Okay.
01:15:41I think we do.
01:15:42And Devin?
01:15:44That was quite disgusting.
01:15:45I just hope Angela's okay.
01:15:50I know she's going under a lot of stress right now.
01:15:53A lot of choices to make.
01:15:55And she's my queen.
01:15:57I just really hope she's okay.
01:15:59And then one more thing.
01:16:01What kind of a doctor
01:16:03brings fried chicken to a girl?
01:16:05That's a good point.
01:16:06It's bad for her heart.
01:16:09And then you!
01:16:10What?
01:16:12You know what they say about military men.
01:16:13They beat their wives.
01:16:21Enough!
01:16:23Stand up!
01:16:26Hey, you guys.
01:16:28Whoa!
01:16:29Break it up!
01:16:30Hey!
01:16:31Break it up!
01:16:33Cut to commercial!
01:16:38Cut to commercial!
01:16:39Cut to commercial!
01:16:43This is the hardest decision I've ever had to make in my entire life.
01:17:02Who do I choose?
01:17:03Angela's marrying me!
01:17:04You're not stealing her from me.
01:17:05Oh yeah?
01:17:06I may be a doctor, but like I said, I know and possess the deadliest poisons in the world.
01:17:21What don't you have in that code?
01:17:26Fruit flavor gum!
01:17:27I won't let you take Angela away from me!
01:17:29I'll fight you to the death!
01:17:31Don't forget about me.
01:17:33It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:17:39These stupid profile cards don't make any sense.
01:17:42They do not help.
01:17:43Who made these?
01:17:44It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:17:53I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:17:54And I have the power of telekinesis!
01:17:58Oh!
01:17:59Oh!
01:18:00Oh!
01:18:01Oh!
01:18:03It's time I reveal my true identity.
01:18:09I'm actually a part of the X-Men.
01:18:12And I have the power of telekinesis!
01:18:15We may have to work together to take him down.
01:18:32This battle within our heads is the most intense I've ever experienced.
01:18:47I may not be able to take them both down if they decide to team up.
01:18:51Hmm.
01:18:52Winterment or Coolment?
01:18:54You know, I've always really liked your hair.
01:19:02Really?
01:19:04I'm actually pretty self-conscious about it.
01:19:07So I appreciate that.
01:19:09Hey, hey, hey.
01:19:11And you know, Coolment.
01:19:13I've always really liked the way you talk.
01:19:16Really?
01:19:17Yeah.
01:19:20What do you got for me?
01:19:21I always really liked the way you chew gum.
01:19:25Yeah?
01:19:26Yeah.
01:19:27It's fresh, right?
01:19:28Yeah.
01:19:30You know, you're actually a really good doctor.
01:19:33Hey, I appreciate it.
01:19:34Hey, you need me to look at you?
01:19:35I got you.
01:19:36Hey, me too.
01:19:37I'll take care of you.
01:19:38Yeah, cool.
01:19:39Angela's been kidnapped!
01:19:41Angela's been kidnapped!
01:19:43It was Sherry Cooper!
01:19:45That fucker!
01:19:46We have to find her.
01:19:47What the hell?
01:19:48Her ring.
01:19:49Her dad installed a GPS tracking mechanism on her ring just in case.
01:19:52Well, let's go then!
01:19:53My mom!
01:19:54My fiance!
01:19:55My fiance!
01:19:56My fiance!
01:20:02Jared.
01:20:06What am I doing here?
01:20:09You destroyed me.
01:20:12They took everything.
01:20:13What?
01:20:15I have nothing left.
01:20:17It's not my fault.
01:20:19You're too greedy.
01:20:21He's greedy.
01:20:22To have sex with my wife.
01:20:24What?
01:20:26I'm not your wife anymore!
01:20:27Oh yeah, I know.
01:20:28You wouldn't take me back now.
01:20:29Not unless I get you pregnant with my child.
01:20:31This is illegal!
01:20:32You wouldn't want your child to be away from its father.
01:20:35You won't have me arrested.
01:20:37You will take me back.
01:20:40Ow!
01:20:42What a bitch!
01:20:44I'll settle you down a little.
01:20:54You will be begging me to fuck you soon!
01:20:57Hey!
01:21:01Angela!
01:21:02Come in!
01:21:06You're too late!
01:21:07I drugged her.
01:21:08She'll be dead soon unless-
01:21:09Oh yeah?
01:21:10Have you forgotten who I am?
01:21:13He really does have everything in his culture.
01:21:15Everything except for-
01:21:16Yeah, except for fruit-flavored gum.
01:21:17We get it already.
01:21:18Just save my boss!
01:21:21Here we are.
01:21:28You're all good now.
01:21:29Oh, thank God.
01:21:31But what do we do with that piece of shit?
01:21:33What?
01:21:34What are you gonna do to me?
01:21:36Hey, stop!
01:21:37No, don't-
01:21:39Enjoy your erectile dysfunction forever.
01:21:47Glad we didn't actually have that fight.
01:21:49Turns out he's the most dangerous of them all.
01:21:57So who did you pick, sweetheart?
01:21:59You've invited the most important figures of the world to your wedding.
01:22:02The Prince of Bhutan.
01:22:04And remember, we will kill ourselves if you don't choose.
01:22:12Welcome back to the finale of The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:17We're down to the wire.
01:22:18Literally, the wedding day.
01:22:21But who's the groom?
01:22:27Uh, seems our era still hasn't decided.
01:22:28Any input from the parents?
01:22:29Maybe that will help sway our bachelorette's choice.
01:22:30Oh, this is exciting.
01:22:31Who should my daughter pick?
01:22:32Who should my daughter pick?
01:22:33No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
01:22:34Welcome back to the finale of The Three Badasses Who Want Me.
01:22:39But who's the groom?
01:22:42Uh, seems our era still hasn't decided.
01:22:47Any input from the parents?
01:22:49Maybe that will help sway our bachelorette's choice.
01:22:53Oh, this is exciting.
01:22:55Who should my daughter pick?
01:22:57I, I, let me think.
01:22:58Let me think.
01:23:02I like the doctor.
01:23:04He's cute.
01:23:07But the general looks like a strong fellow.
01:23:11And we can't forget about Devon Sterling,
01:23:13the one who's loved her the longest.
01:23:14Isn't that right, Devon?
01:23:17Angela.
01:23:17You are all three very fine gentlemen.
01:23:29And I'm really grateful for all of your love.
01:23:33But this was a really hard decision.
01:23:36And I decided to devise one last challenge.
01:23:42I'm just kidding.
01:23:51I'm just as sick of this as you guys are.
01:23:57Each of our candidates have saved our main character.
01:24:01I mean, Bachelorette once.
01:24:03They've all proven their undying love.
01:24:06So who gets to unlock Angela Lockhart's heart?
01:24:09Literally.
01:24:10Could it be the sexy and protective, general with a temper,
01:24:17Mr. Cole Eisenhower?
01:24:23Or the fun, wicked-minded, but kind of weird, Dr. Shane Wilson?
01:24:33And last but not least, could it be the richest man of them all?
01:24:38The man Angela would have married a long time ago,
01:24:40Mr. Devon Sterling.
01:24:45Gentlemen, it's been a pleasure getting to know you.
01:24:49All right, guys.
01:24:50May the best man win.
01:24:53May the best man win.
01:24:55Drum roll, please.
01:24:56All right, guys.
01:24:59Gotta make you understand.
01:25:01Never gonna give you up.
01:25:03Never gonna let you down.
01:25:05Never gonna run around and desert you.
01:25:09Seriously, Ricky?
01:25:11I choose...
01:25:20I need the power of a strong man
01:25:31and I really feel like he can protect me
01:25:33Who could resist those guns?
01:25:40Would they interest you in an NFD, Ellen?
01:25:42Would you like a full body check-up?
01:25:50Shane, it's you. I'm lovesick for you.
01:26:01You like that minty flavor, don't you?
01:26:02Yeah.
01:26:05It's that tongue action, ladies and gents.
01:26:08Ellen, be my new queen.
01:26:10I hope we can build together.
01:26:12Dance, babe?
01:26:12Dance, babe.
01:26:20It's always been you.
01:26:34I'll always love you.
01:26:38Let's give it up for those nine inches, everybody.
01:26:42Would you like a full body check-up?
01:26:44Have you seen my murder in my pruts?
01:26:45I need fruit-flavored gum for you.
01:26:50Mmm.
01:26:51Mmm.
01:26:54Mmm.