“Adult Children Feel Guilty – Elders Feel Abandoned. Why  Emotional Burden, Expectations & Healing” - video Dailymotion

“Adult Children Feel Guilty – Elders Feel Abandoned. Why  Emotional Burden, Expectations & Healing”

Transcript

00:00Picture this. A grandmother stands in the living room, arms folded, watching as her grandchild

00:06melts down in the middle of the floor. Instead of yelling or punishing, the parent kneels down,

00:12meeting the child's eyes, calmly talking them through big feelings. The grandmother shakes her

00:17head. Back in my day, that would have never been allowed. The parents sighs. Things are different

00:23now, mom. Different eras, same goal, raising kind, resilient humans. But why does it feel so hard to

00:30agree on how to get there? For many elders, parenting was a straightforward equation.

00:36Obedience meant respect. Tough love built strong children. Discipline was never up for debate.

00:43The adult was in charge, and children learned to listen, quick. Fast forward to today, and the

00:49script has flipped. Modern parenting often champions emotional validation, gentle communication,

00:56and teaching instead of punishing. Where discipline once meant a timeout or raised voice,

01:02now it's about helping a child name their feelings and work through their frustrations.

01:06To grandparents, or even some parents, this shift can look confusing, maybe even dangerous.

01:13They worry that boundaries are vanishing, that children are running the show, that respect for

01:18elders is fading. It's easy for them to see gentle parenting as too soft or too permissive. But in

01:26reality, these modern methods are grounded in research about child development, neuroscience,

01:32and emotional intelligence. They're not about letting kids get away with anything. They're about

01:37helping children become emotionally aware and self-regulating adults. But the struggle isn't just

01:43about rules or routines. Underneath, there's something deeper. Identity and legacy. When an elder says,

01:51that's not how I raised you, or you turned out fine, what they may really be feeling is fear.

01:58Are their values being rejected? Was everything they worked for wrong? Will their role in the family

02:04fade into the past, no longer relevant? It's not just about the grandchild's tantrum.

02:09It's about generational grief and the love that wants to protect both their children and

02:14grandchildren. That's why simple conversations can sometimes flare into conflict. So, how do we

02:20bridge this gap without turning family gatherings into battlegrounds? The answer starts with empathy

02:26and respect. Here are three practical ways to navigate these differences. First, acknowledge their

02:33intent. Even if you disagree about methods, the motives are often the same. Try saying,

02:39I know you want what's best for your grandchild, and so do I. That's common ground. It reassures your

02:45parent that their love and concern are seen and valued. Second, explain without defending. Instead of

02:52saying, you did it wrong, frame your choices as new information. For instance, research now shows that

03:00timeouts aren't as effective long-term as helping kids name their feelings. This isn't about blaming,

03:06but about evolving, much like how medicine or technology advances with time. It's a gentle way

03:13to share knowledge without making them feel attacked. Third, set boundaries with gratitude.

03:19If advice keeps coming, you can respond with, we're trying this approach, but I value your experience.

03:26Let them know you appreciate their wisdom, even if you're making different choices. Sometimes feeling

03:32seen is all an elder needs to soften their stance. The truth is, modern parenting isn't better. It's just

03:38different. Every generation has its strengths and blind spots. If we listen with empathy instead of

03:45ego, we can turn conflict into conversation. We can raise our children with the best of both worlds,

03:52the wisdom of the past, and the insights of the present. So, what's the biggest clash between your

03:57parenting style and your parents' expectations? Remember, bridging the gap isn't about winning.

04:03It's about learning, healing, and growing together as a family.