“‘That’s Not How We Did It!’ – Escaping the Trap of Generational Comparison  Family Psychology” - video Dailymotion

“‘That’s Not How We Did It!’ – Escaping the Trap of Generational Comparison  Family Psychology”

Transcript

00:00That's not how we did it. Those words echo around family tables, in living rooms, and in

00:06conversations between generations. For many elders, this phrase isn't about laying down the law or

00:12clinging to authority. It's actually about seeking comfort in what's familiar. Growing up in a

00:18different time, with different expectations and boundaries, meant knowing the rules and how the

00:23world worked. But as years pass and society changes, those old rules often fade away, replaced by new

00:31customs, new technologies, and new challenges. Suddenly, the familiar becomes foreign. The world

00:38feels less predictable. And in the face of so much change, it's only natural to reach for the past as

00:45an anchor. But here's the catch. When we constantly measure today against yesterday, especially if

00:51yesterday feels safer or simpler, we fall into a trap. This comparison may validate our experience,

00:59making us feel wise and rooted. But it can also invalidate the growth and choices of younger

01:04generations, leaving them feeling criticized or misunderstood. The result? Frustration,

01:12disconnection, and a growing gap between those who remember the way it was and those trying to

01:17navigate the way it is. Why is it so easy to fall into this mindset? It's not just nostalgia. The truth

01:24is, our brains are wired to seek out patterns. Patterns help us feel safe, capable, and in control.

01:32At the same time, our hearts are drawn to legacy, the desire to see our values and lessons live on.

01:39So when we see newer generations making different choices, it can trigger deep, sometimes uncomfortable

01:45questions. Did I do it wrong? Am I being left behind? Do my experiences still matter? But here's the

01:52truth. Honoring the past doesn't mean insisting it must be repeated. Letting go of old patterns doesn't

01:59erase their value. Instead, it allows new growth to take root alongside tradition. We don't have to

02:06forget where we came from to make room for where we're going. So how can we escape the trap of

02:12generational comparison while still holding on to what matters most? Here are three practical

02:17ways to start. First, shift from judgment to curiosity. Instead of asking, why are you doing

02:24it like that? Try. What's the reason behind this choice? Curiosity opens the door to understanding,

02:35while judgment slams it shut. You might be surprised at the thoughtful reasons behind new approaches,

02:41and this simple shift can turn tension into meaningful conversation. Second, tell your story

02:48without making it the rule. It's powerful to share, here's how we did it, or this is what worked for me.

02:55But when we say, you should do it this way, we risk invalidating someone else's journey.

03:01Our stories are gifts, not commandments. When we offer them with humility rather than expectation,

03:07they become bridges rather than barriers. Third, celebrate evolution, not just tradition.

03:14Every generation faces its own trials and invents its own solutions. This isn't a sign of disrespect

03:21or loss. It's a testament to resilience and survival. When we recognize that adaptation is as important

03:29as tradition, we create space for family bonds to grow stronger with each new chapter.

03:34The past shaped who you are, and that's something to be proud of. But today's world needs you willing

03:40to be open, to listen, to learn, and to connect. By letting go of rigid comparisons, you offer your

03:47loved ones the gift of connection, not control. You honor both your roots and your shared future.

03:53What's one tradition you've had to let go of, or one you're reimagining in a new way? Share your

03:59experience and join the conversation. Remember, embracing change together is how families grow

04:05closer, generation after generation.