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Short Tales
  • 6/21/2025
#ShowFilm98
#Ugliest House America S06E04
Transcript
00:00Let me guess, you came here to get a gander at the beautiful houses, didn't you?
00:07I feel like I have to remind you once again, this is ugliest house in America, people.
00:14The ugly is back, and it is back with a vengeance.
00:20It's a dust drop.
00:22It looks like Jabba the Hutt in the corner.
00:24Terrible.
00:25What is going on?
00:27You're going to find out.
00:29Yeah!
00:31We've already crowned the most hideous in the Midwest.
00:34I don't even need to, like, point things out.
00:37It's all right at you.
00:39The worst of the Great Lakes.
00:42Creepy critters live in the rut for sure.
00:46We're afraid to touch the wall.
00:47The most bizarre in the Mid-Atlantic region.
00:51Okay, okay, okay.
00:53What is this?
00:54And next, I'm headed to a region you didn't know existed.
01:02Since Ugly knows no bounds, we've changed up the map and created a new region of the country called New England-ish.
01:10It's a little New England, a little Jersey, and all kinds of ugly.
01:15And my first stop is in Morganville, New Jersey.
01:18The list of extraordinary contributions to society from New Jersey is almost unquantifiable.
01:25There's the light bulb, baseball, me.
01:29You're welcome, America.
01:31I'm here to meet Jennifer and Nicholas.
01:33We're here to see if New Jersey is also the home to the ugliest house in America.
01:44Not from the outside, they don't.
01:45I'm going to need to see the inside.
01:49That is a hefty knock.
01:51Hello.
01:52Hello.
01:52Hello, everybody.
01:54What a handsome family.
01:57I'm Jen.
01:58Nicholas.
01:59Yep.
02:00What's your name?
02:01Nicholas as well.
02:02Oh, Nick Jr.?
02:03Yes.
02:04Nice to meet you.
02:05Hi, Isabella.
02:06I think the fun route would be towards the back.
02:08To the backyard.
02:09Might be a funner entrance.
02:10Oh, boy.
02:11All right.
02:12Bye, guys.
02:13Bye-bye.
02:14Bye-bye.
02:15This is our laundry room.
02:25How long are you?
02:26Oh.
02:27Was this your design?
02:28No.
02:29No.
02:30We inherited this.
02:32I'm Jennifer.
02:33This is Nick.
02:34And we live in Morganville, New Jersey, in a whimsical nightmare.
02:39The house definitely tells a story.
02:41We're just not really sure what that story is.
02:44When we saw the listing, we always bypassed it because the pictures.
02:48And then they dropped the price.
02:50We haven't been able to really fix the house too much because fixing, like, bigger problems.
02:54Like, the refrigerator broke.
02:56The washing machine broke.
02:57We'll eventually catch up.
03:01Clearly, this is, like, self-done.
03:05Yeah, she hand-painted everything the previous owner.
03:08Yeah, okay.
03:09How long was the previous owner in here?
03:11I think it was, like, almost 30 years that they were here.
03:13I don't even know if this was popular 30 years ago.
03:16I don't know.
03:17Like, what is this?
03:20Right into the kitchen next.
03:22Oh, goodness.
03:24Those are portals.
03:26Portals.
03:27To other dimensions?
03:29Yeah.
03:30And then there's a lot of peaks.
03:32Yeah.
03:33There are peaks for sure.
03:35The whole house is.
03:36The doorway has the sharp peak, too.
03:38Yeah.
03:39The kitchen, like, it kind of looks big.
03:41But then the space actually, like, prepped and stuff.
03:44Right.
03:45You have zero counter space.
03:46Yeah, it's hard.
03:47Then this tile is, like, is it wood?
03:49Wood.
03:50Yeah, it doesn't matter how many times you sweep.
03:51Right.
03:52There's still stuff there.
03:53Of course.
03:54It, like, comes out of the cracks.
03:55Yep.
03:56Plus, it's just ugly.
03:57Oh, God.
03:58Where did that?
03:59Next, we're going to go into the great room.
04:01Oh, boy.
04:02It's going to be great.
04:06This is the great room.
04:08It is great.
04:11I don't like this.
04:12It's a carpeted room.
04:14Yeah.
04:15With a hot tub.
04:16Yeah.
04:17Always a bad choice.
04:19What was that room for?
04:21Is that to get the juices boiling?
04:23A little...
04:24Bow.
04:25Bow.
04:28What's next?
04:29Our bathroom.
04:30Okay.
04:31Right through that door.
04:32Oh.
04:35Oh.
04:36My.
04:37Goodness.
04:40It's stunning.
04:41Yeah.
04:42In the worst way.
04:43Yeah.
04:44I don't think the woman who painted that bathroom could explain that design.
04:49Oh, my gosh.
04:50It's 3D.
04:51Sure.
04:52She glued stuff on.
04:53Yeah.
04:54Yeah.
04:55It's like a blob taking over the room.
04:57Okay.
04:59Next room.
05:00Now it's our bedroom.
05:05Oh.
05:06I mean, it is craft city in here.
05:08I am.
05:11Okay.
05:12Next, we'll go down the hall.
05:13Okay.
05:14It's like a cartoon threw up on this wall.
05:25Sometimes life is a fairy tale.
05:27And then you walk out and you're like, and sometimes it's a nightmare.
05:31You are one of three semi-finalists in the New England-ish region.
05:39If you are selected to move to the next round, you will be that much closer to a $150,000 renovation by Alison Victoria of Windy City Rehab.
05:48Perfection.
05:49Thank you for showing me your home.
05:51Good luck.
05:52We're gonna need it.
05:53I'm gonna head out.
05:54All right.
05:55I'll see you guys.
05:56All right.
05:59Okay.
06:00So that was the crafty cottage of confusion and delusion, protected by the devil.
06:09Once you get inside, the appearance was all over the place.
06:12There were spaces of like whimsical cartoons and then volcano oozing floral orb space.
06:21Function wise, you don't have counter space.
06:23And then the entryway to the bathroom from the hot tub room.
06:28Precarious.
06:29The surprise?
06:30Every new piece of art had me going, wait, what?
06:34New England-ish.
06:37Ugly-ish.
06:40Next up, I'm checking out the ugly in the quintessential New England town, Hampton, Massachusetts.
06:47Not far from here is the lake with the longest name in the U.S.
06:52We're gonna place it on the screen.
06:54It has 45 letters, 14 syllables.
06:58It is Lake Chagagagagag, Manchagagag, Chabunagungagag.
07:05Nope.
07:06That wasn't it.
07:07Chagagagag, Manchagagag.
07:10Nope.
07:11Damn it.
07:12Chagagagag, Manchagagag.
07:14Chagagagag.
07:15Chagagagag, Manchagagag.
07:17Chabunagungamag.
07:18Chagagagagag.
07:19Boom.
07:20There it is.
07:21You can also call it Lake Webster.
07:24I'm here to meet Selena, Steve, and Carissa.
07:27We're gonna see if this small town has some big ugly.
07:35From here, not so much.
07:37New England-ish seems to be hiding its ugly on the inside.
07:40Hello.
07:43Hi.
07:44How are you?
07:45Welcome.
07:46So good to see you.
07:47Nice to meet you.
07:48Nice to meet you.
07:50I thought I dressed nice.
07:51You look great.
07:52I'm messing around here.
07:53Come on in.
07:54Come on in.
07:55After you.
07:57Come on in.
07:58All right.
07:59I'm sorry.
08:00Is that an organ?
08:01That's the kites.
08:02Oh, yeah.
08:03Was this a church?
08:04Yes, it was.
08:05At one time.
08:06At one time.
08:18My name's Steve.
08:19This is my mom, Selena.
08:20This is my daughter, Carissa.
08:21And we have the ugliest house in America.
08:27When I first saw it, I said,
08:29oh, my God, what have you guys done?
08:32The house was a church for 40 years.
08:35And it has a pipe organ built into it,
08:38which is very odd.
08:40It's a work in progress.
08:42A large work in progress.
08:45The wallpaper.
08:47Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
08:49Be careful.
08:50Don't look at it too long.
08:51I might burn into your memory.
08:52And then we have the Swiss Lodge ceiling.
08:54Stained glass windows are even weird design.
08:56I never, I don't know what that is.
08:58It's like a stained glass mustache.
08:59Yeah.
09:02The outside of the house just looks like any house
09:05in any New England area.
09:08The inside looks like someone threw a jigsaw puzzle at the walls.
09:14The kitchen.
09:16You have enough space?
09:17No, we don't.
09:18You know, it's funny because I'm a chef.
09:19It's tough.
09:20Yeah.
09:21This railing right here.
09:23Okay, that went all the way.
09:25See that right there on the floor?
09:26We had to pull that out because we couldn't even get around in here.
09:29So it was just a walkway into this space?
09:32Yeah.
09:33And then we had the same thing coming from the ceiling that went down this far.
09:36I don't know what it was.
09:37So it was like a little prison.
09:38Yeah.
09:39That's so crazy.
09:42Where to next?
09:44We're going to head down to the basement.
09:45Oh, okay.
09:46Oh, boy.
09:50Be careful.
09:51Oh, there's a handle.
09:53But I wouldn't trust it.
09:57This is my granddaughter's room.
10:01Wow.
10:02It is a dark dungeon down here.
10:06What is this?
10:07Yeah, right?
10:08What?
10:09What is?
10:10There's so many things happening.
10:11Yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:12This is a water softener that I've never seen before.
10:15You sleep down here with all these contractions.
10:18It clicks every time you turn the water on.
10:20Yeah.
10:21I'm used to it by now, though.
10:24And there's a weird hole here behind this thing.
10:26Yeah, so when I first got here, this was just open.
10:30How do you sleep down here knowing that this hole is here?
10:36That's why I got her a little covered.
10:37With this, I forget that it's there.
10:40I would be hammering nails into that thing.
10:42You couldn't open it.
10:44What if an animal gets caught back there?
10:46They have.
10:48It was just a snake, but it was...
10:53I'm nervous.
10:54I know.
10:55Carissa.
10:56Holy cow.
10:57After one of my 16-hour shifts at the hospital,
10:58this seems like a Ritz Carlson.
11:01It ain't.
11:03Let's go back upstairs.
11:04Okay.
11:05We're going to head up to that bathroom upstairs.
11:09Well, would you look at this?
11:11Isn't she eclectic?
11:15But after the hole, everything's a step up.
11:19The sink is very interesting.
11:21It was actually a holy water receptacle.
11:25What?
11:26Oh, they converted it.
11:28Oh, wow.
11:29They put wallpaper in the tub.
11:32They put it in the shower.
11:34That's right.
11:35They did put it in the shower.
11:36A little splash guard.
11:41What on earth?
11:42I know.
11:43I know.
11:44I know.
11:45Where to next?
11:46We're going to go into the loft.
11:47Let's hit the loft.
11:50The organ.
11:57The dulcet tones of an old-ass pipe organ.
12:01Feels like a nightmare.
12:02So, thank you for showing me around your home.
12:06It was a pleasure.
12:07It was so nice to meet you.
12:08Keep it pushing, as they say.
12:09There we go.
12:10There we go.
12:11Okay.
12:12So, that was the terrifically terrible tabernacle.
12:18Appearance-wise, everywhere you turn, there's random wallpaper, random wood, and a random pipe organ.
12:25If you'd like to hold a church service, we got you.
12:29Functionally, the kitchen is a mess.
12:31It looked like it had a jail cell inside it, which I'd actually prefer over that downstairs bedroom.
12:37The surprise?
12:40The snake hole.
12:41Yikes.
12:46For the last stop in the New Englandish region, I'm staying in Massachusetts and making my way 97 miles east to the town of Somerset.
12:56Somerset, Massachusetts.
12:58Settled in 1677.
13:00This part of the country, many firsts.
13:03First Thanksgiving.
13:05First American University.
13:07Harvard.
13:08And perhaps the ugliest house in America?
13:17Interesting.
13:18Half ugly, half not.
13:21Even though I don't really like stone.
13:23Hello.
13:24Hello.
13:25Girl, come on.
13:26How are you?
13:27I'm well.
13:28How are you?
13:29Nice to meet you.
13:30Nice meeting you, too.
13:31Who are you?
13:32Oliver.
13:33Nice to meet you.
13:34Nice to meet you.
13:35Nice to meet you.
13:36Nice to meet you.
13:37Nice to meet you.
13:38Nice to meet you.
13:39Nice to meet you.
13:40Nice to meet you.
13:41I'm Mark.
13:42Nice to meet you.
13:43They are my nephew and nephews.
13:44Tell me about this house that looks like a building on a school campus, or a building.
13:52I'm flattered.
13:53Yeah.
13:54It is unique.
13:55Yeah.
13:56In my eyes.
13:57It is.
13:58And I love the way it is.
13:59You know what show this is, right?
14:01My name is Goleen.
14:06I live in Somerset, Massachusetts, in the ugliest house in America.
14:10The listing said, give them something to talk about.
14:13And it was true.
14:15I was born in Haiti.
14:19And I always had planned to bring my family here.
14:23So, there's a lot of space.
14:25Also, I like things that are unique.
14:28Oh, interesting.
14:32Caroline.
14:33Yes.
14:34I have the same feeling inside here that I did outside.
14:39I walk in, these beautiful flowers.
14:42And then there's this.
14:43What happened here?
14:45There were some lids from the roof.
14:47Mm-hmm.
14:48So, the spots will need to be repaired.
14:50And I can't decide about the flooring.
14:52It's nice stuff, but not updated.
14:54Yeah.
14:55Again, I can't decide if I like it.
14:57It's interesting.
14:58I love it.
14:59You love it.
15:00I think it's grandiose.
15:05Grandiose.
15:06Question, Caroline.
15:08Why did you send us a tape?
15:18Question, Caroline.
15:19Why did you send us a tape?
15:21There's a lot of things that I want to change.
15:23Okay, I'm going to need you to point those things out to me.
15:25That's right.
15:26Because I'm going to be over here talking trash about your house.
15:28That's right.
15:29Work with me.
15:30Mm-hmm.
15:31Right.
15:32Where are we?
15:33What's over here by this breeze block?
15:34That's the dining room.
15:35The dining room.
15:36This is interesting.
15:37This is definitely like a 70s style kind of thing.
15:41Yes.
15:42And I love antique.
15:43You love that.
15:45What do you want to change?
15:47The carpet.
15:48I don't like the carpet here.
15:50Okay, how about these mirrors?
15:52They can go.
15:53They can go?
15:54They can go.
15:55You want a renovation, right?
15:58Let's go check out the kitchen.
16:00Sure.
16:01Okay.
16:02Hmm.
16:03So some things need to be done.
16:05This kitchen is a triangle.
16:08Interesting.
16:09Different.
16:10Very different.
16:11Unique.
16:12Yes.
16:13Jane is mixing up the word unique with gaudy.
16:18But do you like it?
16:19Um, you know, I would prefer if it was...
16:23A square.
16:24Yeah.
16:25Hallelujah!
16:26So how do you feel about these cabinets?
16:28These are very old cabinets.
16:29Yeah.
16:30I don't like it.
16:31Look at that.
16:32She don't like the cabinets.
16:34You know what?
16:35I don't like this countertop.
16:36I like this.
16:37Oh, of course you like it.
16:38Of course.
16:41Okay.
16:42Where are we going to head next?
16:43We're going to the patio.
16:44From here, I'm liking what I see.
16:46Let's see if I like it when I get there.
16:48Oh, okay.
16:49Okay.
16:50Whoa, look how big this space is.
16:54It's got the mix of rug and tile.
16:57Yeah, it's a lot of textures.
16:59I don't like the carpet here.
17:01You don't like it?
17:02No.
17:03Okay.
17:05I'm going to show you the bathroom.
17:07Okay.
17:08Ooh.
17:09Look at this place.
17:10How do we feel about this?
17:12Has to go.
17:13Yeah.
17:15What is this mirror?
17:16It's nine pieces of mirror.
17:18And how do you feel about the cabinets with this countertop and this yellow?
17:25Because there's gray.
17:26There's black.
17:27There's yellow.
17:28There's brown.
17:29There's tan.
17:30There's gold.
17:31There's silver.
17:33There's a lot.
17:34Yeah.
17:35Now we're going to the sitting area on the back.
17:39This way?
17:40Yes.
17:43Okay.
17:44If you tell me you love this room.
17:49No.
17:50Okay.
17:51I was going to be angry.
17:52Was this like a terrarium?
17:53A fountain.
17:54Yes.
17:55Oh, geez.
17:56It was beautiful, I think.
17:59It's not beautiful anymore.
18:06It is a...
18:08Hot.
18:09It is a...
18:10Oat mess.
18:11H-A-U-T-E.
18:12Thank you for showing me your home.
18:14Oh, my pleasure.
18:15I'm going to wish you good luck.
18:16Thank you very much.
18:17And if you get to the next round, you will hear from me.
18:24Garleen.
18:30That was...
18:35The reluctance of ugly.
18:37The appearance is old.
18:39I mean, Garleen may like it.
18:41Many would disagree.
18:42I know I do.
18:44Functionality.
18:45Would have been great for a party in the 70s.
18:48Not today.
18:49The surprise was the juxtaposition of knowing how quality everything is and how it all needs to go in the trash.
19:01Sorry, New England.
19:02It is what it is.
19:05Our tour through New England, ish, gave us three ugly options that didn't disappoint.
19:10But only one will have the chance to receive a well-deserved home makeover.
19:19New England-ish region, your name may be made up, but your ugly is as real as it gets.
19:24What is this?
19:25Yeah, right?
19:26I'm nervous.
19:28And while all three contenders were wicked ugly, only one house can move to the finals.
19:35It's between an artsy house, which needs to be turned into a blank canvas.
19:40It's like a cartoon threw up on this wall.
19:48A former church with a grand set of pipes and the holy grail of holes.
19:54What if an animal gets caught back there?
19:56They have.
19:58It was just a snake.
20:00And a large, outdated home with an interior in despair and a homeowner in denial.
20:06It is unique.
20:07Yeah.
20:08In my eyes.
20:09It is.
20:10And I love the way it is.
20:11Geraldine is mixing up the word unique with gaudy.
20:16Here we are again, on the road.
20:19I'm here to get some people excited that they actually have an ugly house.
20:23Here we go.
20:24Here we go.
20:25Here we go.
20:26Here we go.
20:35Hello.
20:36Hi.
20:37Nicholas and Jennifer.
20:38Congratulations.
20:39You have the ugliest house in the New Englandish region.
20:45No way.
20:46Yes.
20:47So you're that much closer to the renovation.
20:49Oh my gosh.
20:50I can't believe that.
20:51that. If you go any further, then you'll hear from me again. That's crazy. Nick, it is pretty tight.
21:02Thank you. All right. Bye, guys. Way to go, crafty cottage of confusion and delusion.
21:08You've got ugly down to a fine art. But are you ugly enough to beat the rest?
21:14We still have more houses to see before we can crown the ugliest house in America.
21:21Whoa! I'm impressed in all the wrong ways. Oh, what? You dirty ugly dog.