- 6/19/2025
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00:00How can I choose a great fellow for myself if my self-concept is of pettiness?
00:07Nowadays, relationship seems starts with love and end up turning toxic and similarly with friendship.
00:14My question is what is the secret of relationship based on true love and understanding?
00:19Let me have someone who gives me something that resonates with what I already think of.
00:25Give me someone who can be plugged into the plants.
00:28If you have someone who destroys your plants, would you like it?
00:32Somebody has to be found.
00:33I'm 25 or 28 or 30.
00:35I have to get married.
00:37When you keep in contact with that one, then you find that you are effortlessly,
00:42relatively at least, getting into the right relationships and that you're not desperate.
00:46You don't have any goalposts.
00:48You don't have any deadlines.
00:49Resolution 2025, I have to get married.
00:54Namaste Acharya Ji.
00:56My question is based on relationships.
00:58I have observed nowadays, relationship seems starts with love and end up turning toxic and similarly with friendship starts with normal talks and superficial interactions.
01:13So, my question is what is the secret of relationship based on true love and understanding?
01:21Sit, sit, sit please.
01:25See, we want to talk about the other, right?
01:30When you say relationship, it implies the other.
01:32The quality of your relationship is simply the quality of your self.
01:41It's going to be the way you are.
01:45Your relationship cannot be a great thing if you insist on not being great.
01:52Because that fellow, I am assuming you are talking about a person, person you relate with or relationship could involve a thing as well or an idea or something, but here probably you are talking about a person.
02:04How can I choose a great fellow for a person, if my self-concept is of pettiness, what will greatness do to pettiness, kill it?
02:17Who wants to relate to be killed?
02:21There is that around 8-9 years old poster in the foundation, when truth is the lover, to be kissed is to be killed.
02:37Who wants such a relationship?
02:39But that's the relationship we all need.
02:43That's the relationship we all need.
02:45We will never want such a relationship.
02:49Name the relating agency within.
02:54Name the agency within that relates.
02:58I, the ego.
03:00What's the prakriti, the nature of the ego?
03:04Self-preservation.
03:05Self-preservation.
03:06It does everything just to preserve itself and then further itself.
03:11Further itself, right?
03:12So, what purpose would it have even in the relationship?
03:17Self-preservation.
03:19Let me have someone who fulfills my desires.
03:24Let me have someone who gives me something that resonates with what I already think of.
03:32I have my plans.
03:33Give me someone who can be plugged into the plans.
03:40If you have someone who destroys your plans, would you like it?
03:44No.
03:45You want someone who can be very neatly, smoothly integrated into your plans.
03:52And that's what you call then as relationship.
03:56So, all relationship is a sham.
03:57That's the old, foolish game of desire.
04:07It only perpetuates suffering.
04:11Do you see this?
04:13I want to relate.
04:14I want somebody for myself.
04:15It could be the opposite gender or it could be someone, my own gender, general friendship, something, classmate, something.
04:25Don't we see where the choice comes from?
04:28The choice comes from pre-established likes and dislikes.
04:31I have a groove, first of all.
04:40The groove has already been cut.
04:43Now, I want an object that fits the groove.
04:47Does it not happen that way?
04:48It's just like dialing Zometto or something.
04:53I am hungry and hence I dial a particular number.
04:56What comes first?
04:58It's a very primitive hunger.
05:01It's a very blind hunger.
05:04It's not a choice at all.
05:06In college, we used to say, the fellow falls in love in the first semester itself.
05:16But takes three, four more semesters to get somebody to fall in love with.
05:20But he's already in love.
05:23Because he's supposed to be in love.
05:26That's the way the environment is and that's the way the hormonal condition is in the first semester.
05:33The body is saying, oh, you need someone to sleep with.
05:40And you look around and you find somebody with a girlfriend and you say, you know, that fellow too has one.
05:44Am I the only stupid one?
05:45But my J-Rang was better than his.
05:48How come he has a...
05:48So, you're already in love.
05:55That's pre-decided.
05:56Somebody has to be found.
05:58And when it's pre-decided that somebody has to be found,
06:01well, then just about anybody you can lay your hands on becomes your girlfriend.
06:14And congrats, you are in relationship.
06:16I'm 25 or 28 or 30.
06:23I have to get married.
06:25Now, the purpose is pre-defined.
06:27So, now you are getting on...
06:28From all the other apps?
06:33Whatever.
06:36Getting it.
06:37Anything that you put in the internal hole, will it change the configuration of the hole itself?
06:45Please tell me.
06:47And what if it is a bottomless hole?
06:51Anything that you put in that hole, first of all, cannot change its nature.
06:55Secondly, it will never succeed in filling it up.
06:58Your problem is the hole within, the hollow here, right?
07:04You do not realize that it has no bottom.
07:07It's an ending.
07:09So, first of all, because it's a circular hollow.
07:11So, you look for someone with circular features.
07:15Alright, that one.
07:16You come here.
07:17Tuck.
07:21This is absence of self-knowledge.
07:23You do not understand the nature of the inner void.
07:31And then you say, relationships are failing.
07:33No, no.
07:33It's not the relationships that are failing.
07:36It's your failure to know yourself.
07:40The relationship comes much later.
07:42Doesn't it?
07:43The other comes much later.
07:45Also, the entire process is full of violence.
07:48At least, potentially.
07:49Because it's a great deal I'm demanding from the other.
07:56This hollow vexes me no end.
07:59And I want this one to come into my life.
08:02And turn it into paradise.
08:06The problem is, she has the same expectations.
08:10Because she carries the same kind of hollow.
08:12So, I'll be disappointed.
08:16And so would be she.
08:18And then we would blame each other.
08:25You see violence.
08:29Zindagy خراب کر دی.
08:30Mere baap ko tumsai bhaithar kohi nahi milata.
08:40That's what reneged marriage is.
08:50In the middle of the affair.
08:51Or rather at the initiation of the affair.
08:53Please ask the other one.
08:54See, here.
08:57These are my expectations.
08:59Naked expectations.
09:02You think you can fulfill.
09:04But you will never expose this list.
09:07Never.
09:10Without even making your expectations clear.
09:12Later on, you want the expectations to be fulfilled.
09:15And when the other cannot fulfill.
09:17You blame.
09:18You blame and you might kick, punch, hit.
09:21Even kill.
09:33Now we tell you.
09:35Then we talk of so many random things.
09:38You know, there is this new coffee flavor at Starbucks.
09:42Want to try it?
09:44Why don't you really tell her what you want to try out?
09:48Randomly talking of some coffee flavor.
09:50And she too pretends as if she does not know.
09:53Yeah, yeah, yeah.
09:54Let's go and try coffee.
09:57Be real.
10:00But then you have never practiced being revealed even with yourself.
10:05How can you be real with the other?
10:08These are two people playing a pathetic, well rehearsed, primitive game with each other.
10:13That is bound to result in a very predetermined outcome.
10:17Even the gestures are so predictable.
10:29AI can be a great lover.
10:33You try it out.
10:37For all those 2 AM, 3 AM messages.
10:39AI is the best respondent.
10:52Same applies to our relationship with our job.
10:55and country, the concepts of patriotism and nation and our relationship with religion and God.
11:14Life is sort of unending sequence of relationships.
11:18You are relating with the chair you sit on.
11:22You are relating with the pen you hold.
11:33And we don't know who is the one that relates.
11:36Adhyakmal, self-knowledge, self-knowledge is about getting into the one who is eager to strike all kinds of relationships.
11:48And when you, when you come in contact with that one, it's a continuous process.
11:54When you, when you keep in contact with that one.
11:58Then you find that you, are effortlessly, relatively at least, effortlessly getting into the right relationships.
12:06And that you are not desperate.
12:12You don't have any goal posts.
12:13You don't have any deadlines.
12:17Resolution 2025, I have to get married.
12:20Resolution 2025, I have to get married.
12:35I have to do this.
12:43How does it feel?
12:45I know, I can talk of my own case, but how does it feel to you when you see
12:50what human existence can be, and how we lead it?
12:58We are born, we, we live like this.
13:03We get into somebody's life.
13:07We get a woman into our home.
13:11She leaves her home.
13:13And we have kids.
13:14We have kids.
13:15This, this dark, unconscious process.
13:20Kids are born.
13:24And then you are, you are 20 something or 30 something.
13:27You are sighing your kids.
13:29You are the mentor, the guru.
13:31and then the kids, they keep growing up and they are already finished by the time they
13:42are seven or ten. And the same cycle repeats itself. We go to office. We go to office.
13:56We earn money. And if somebody asks us, what is money? Can you define money? Probably we'd
14:02struggle with the answer. What is money? We don't know what money. Money is something
14:07helps us purchase goodies. Money is something that helps our self-esteem. What is money really?
14:15You know, it gets us a house to live in. What is money? How do I answer that without knowing
14:21who am I?
14:26I think. Lady, you are 35. Either you are pregnant this year or you will die childless, barren,
14:38like a witch. And then we'll burn you at the altar. And you shudder. Oh my God, yes. And
14:49you run helter-skelter to get pregnant. What kind of indignified? And it's not about having
14:56economic prosperity or education or a good tech job or visiting US every third year. I mean,
15:04if you are still in the grip of these things, how does it matter how well educated you are
15:12or how much you earn?
15:15Does it matter?
15:17Maybe you'll go to a more expensive clinic for your IVF thing.
15:22That's all. Or you'll be able to afford a more expensive surrogate something.
15:28But still the core story remains the same, doesn't it?
15:42And then we die. Have you seen a dead body? Have you seen how the fellow looks? Sir, ugly, not calm,
15:58from my eyes, from where I look. Calmness is not something that you can get after death.
16:03The very thing of Jeevan Mukti is either you get it when you are still breathing or you have lost the
16:11opportunity. I've seen mutilated bodies, victims of road accidents and I have seen people dying of old age.
16:22In either case, there is a wasted life writ large on the face.
16:34In fact, there was one entire video dedicated to this. It was titled,
16:39Maran Na Jaane Koe. I'm not sure whether it's still live or we had to make it private,
16:46but it remained live for several years. So, there was this ghat at Kanpur and close to a college I used to visit.
17:00And there was this dead body right at the ghat stuck there, in the morning.
17:08There was me, there was another person and we, anybody who's seen that video, Maran Na Jaane Koe,
17:15this is a young man's body, six feet something.
17:23The body has been flowing from somewhere and it has come and is now stuck here.
17:29And there are stairs leading into the river and there, right there is the body. And there is
17:35this little temple here, and this is a Panditji and I am having a conversation with Panditji.
17:40And then ultimately, we get a long bamboo and then we push the body like this, so that it continues to flow.
17:54And as long as we are alive, we behave as if we are immortal.
18:12And we create so much chaos. We make things difficult and confined for everybody. We love to arrest people.
18:33And in bargain, we allow ourselves to be arrested.
18:44Hello, sir.
18:45I'm working in IT industry in the field of AI and ML as a business analyst. Now, my question is related to
18:59the dirty politics that happens in work office leading to inefficiency.
19:05And actually, there are two parts to the question. One is related to the workplace. And the second part is related to the family life, where we deal with petty issues leading to a lot of friction in the family life.
19:23Now, how do I learn to go ahead with this? How do I learn to forgive these things? Should I forgive?
19:34And how do I deal with anger and frustration for these daily occurrences of life? Every day, we go through this.
19:44The general principle is, if it concerns you, it is your responsibility.
20:06It doesn't matter that the thing is happening at the office. But since you are suffering,
20:14the sufferer has to be in charge of his own liberation, her own liberation.
20:22The onus is on me because I am the one suffering out of it. So, it could be the workplace or the family.
20:31The onus is on me because I am the one suffering out of it. So, if I find that there are things
20:38that run counter to joy, peace, freedom and I don't like that, then I'll have to challenge that.
20:53I'll have to challenge that. Anger, frustration, all these can be very good things, if they are coming
21:02from the right centre. Even desire can be a beautiful thing, if it is coming from the right centre.
21:09So, you don't really always have to deal with anger or frustration in the sense of suppressing them or eradicating them.
21:24You can deal with anger and frustration also by expressing them.
21:29Provided you know that your anger and frustration are coming from the right place.
21:41If you know that you are angry because you do not like that the office atmosphere is being vitiated
21:48or you do not like that some family member, your boy, your girl is not going the right way,
21:58not choosing the right company, then anger and frustration have to be expressed and when they are
22:07coming from the right centre, they lose their toxicity.
22:13Anger coming from the right place is just alright. Just alright.
22:23Otherwise, it becomes Karmakand. To forbid certain actions, actions. Anger too is an action, no?
22:33Without looking at where a thing is coming from, if you forbid it or endorse it, that's what Karmakand is.
22:40Just do this much. Just circumambulate that tree, Parikrama seven times and you will be blessed.
22:55Don't use your right hand on Sundays.
23:02Isn't that similar to never be angry?
23:04Huh? A particular action that should never be endorsed, no?
23:12Now, what happens when you ascertain that you are angry from the right place?
23:23You express your anger.
23:25You want to change things within and without.
23:28Either things change or you realize you have come to something that cannot be changed.
23:40And if cannot be changed and it still bothers you,
23:44then you decide which way to go.
23:45But if it makes you angry and you still do nothing to change or challenge it,
23:56then the status quo persists.
24:00The suffering remains.
24:04Try changing it.
24:08Let's see what you can do about the office environment. Obviously,
24:10the office seems like a big thing and a particular person.
24:16Even if a responsible person, even if a senior person seems like a small thing
24:21in front of the organization itself.
24:25But let's try to do something about it.
24:28Fully convinced that I'm doing it for the right reasons.
24:32Either I meet with some success,
24:34either that which is anti-life and anti-joy and anti-freedom.
24:41Either I succeed in reducing it or I see that the monster is just too big for me to defeat it.
24:50And if you see that,
24:54then you decide to pick a better battle for yourself.
24:56Why should I waste myself at a place that has decided to be monstrous and yet unchanging?
25:08Why should I stay there?
25:12Either way, something will happen.
25:14But nothing will happen if you keep bottling yourself down.
25:18You don't like a person with patience, with the right intent.
25:33Talk.
25:36Either something emerges from this conversation, this engagement,
25:42or you realize that nothing is going to emerge.
25:45And hence, let's go my own way.
25:48The funny thing is we know that there is a 99% chance that the monster will refuse to change.
26:02And the implication of that will be that I'll have to then go my own way.
26:07I know that in advance, but I don't want to go my own way because that would involve taking a hit
26:13on my comforts, conveniences, and the securities I've amassed, and the predictable way of life I'm used to.
26:22I know if I challenge the monster, that's the hit I'll have to take.
26:25I don't want to take. I don't want to take that hit. So, I never, never challenge at all.
26:33Never challenge at all.
26:36Here you are, I want to constructively engage with you.
26:39So, I fly down here, I am talking to you. By you, I mean everybody I'm engaging with.
26:47One day, it becomes very clear to me, that this beloved nation of mine has taken a collective
26:53decision to not to change. I'll find something better for myself to do. Seriously.
27:05I'm with you only because I still see a possibility.
27:10The day, collectively, this nation sends me an ultimatum.
27:22We are done with you. We are happy the way we are. Don't bother us with your pyrotechnics.
27:32I'm not going to foist myself on you. I'll sense that. I'll judge that. I'll judge that.
27:45I'm with you only as long as I sit, see that things are changing.
27:50If things don't change, no point keeping
28:03yourself in a fool's paradise, no? Breaking your head against the wall.
28:10That makes, that makes a dead being out of you.
28:15So many Indian relationships are a very good example of that.
28:27In office, at work, business, home, family, everywhere. And your relationship with religion.
28:36You know the other is not going to change. So, you simply give up.
28:40You just give up. And then these are two people saddled with each other like automatons,
28:48just tolerating each other. And they have grown so accustomed to each other,
28:53that they don't even mind this kind of bondage.
28:57That's not the life anybody should choose. That's not the life you should choose. That's not the life I'm going to choose.
29:12Either things should improve or we move on. That's all.
29:19I'll make my utmost honest effort without waiting for any reciprocal gesture from your
29:33side to improve things. I'll do everything that I can to improve things. But still if you decide,
29:39it's your office, it's your organization. If you still decide that you aren't going to listen,
29:46all right. It's a big planet.
29:56So many continents and 200 odd countries,
29:59it's eight billion people. We'll find another place.
30:10My name is Mamata and I live in Switzerland.
30:14And I've been connected with this session, Acharya Gigi's session from almost two years now.
30:21If I have to tell you something about my journey, when I started, I was actually a bundle of a lot of
30:27beliefs, which were driven by a Lok Dharma type. It's like I used to believe in past life and then
30:37that we accumulate karma. And then if you do the right things, you accumulate punya. And then
30:43if something is not met in this life, that means don't worry, you're going to get another life.
30:52So probably if you accumulate a lot of good karmas, you will get a better life. I had a lot of these
30:59kind of mud collected in my life. But then when I started listening to Acharya G, my initial response was
31:06I was broken. I just said, no, no, I can't be listening to him because he seemed to have literally
31:13taken away all that was my comfort. But then I couldn't help. But then I kept on listening and I
31:21wanted to know more about Bhagavad Gita and what Sri Krishna is saying about this. And then I joined the
31:27session initially just for Bhagavad Gita. And then later it was open for all the sessions.
31:34And then now not a day goes by without me listening to him. And I know it is like it's,
31:49I can't express in words, it feels like life changing. So Acharya G was today saying something
31:58that when you engage with the world with the center of truth, center of self knowledge,
32:04you receive gifts beyond your expectations. So that seemed to be happening with me very often.
32:12so I feel that I am getting more and more clarity in life.
32:28so
32:31so
32:34so
32:35so
32:35so
32:36you
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