- 6/18/2025
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🌟 Welcome to an unforgettable fiesta of colors, rhythms, and heart-stopping moves! 💃✨ Get ready to immerse yourself in the spectacular art of a Wedding Mujra Dance! In this dazzling video, witness talented dancers performing breathtaking traditional mujra routines, showcasing the vibrant spirit of celebration. From graceful twirls to mesmerizing expressions, each performance tells a story of love and joy!
Join us as we explore the rich cultural significance behind mujra dance, its essence in weddings, and why it's an irreplaceable part of festivities. 🎉 Don't forget to like, subscribe for more incredible dance performances, and share your favorite moments with us! ❤️ #WeddingDance #MujraMagic #DanceCulture
PLEASE FOLLOW AND SUPPORT MY CHANNEL....!
IF YOU ANT ME TO ADD MORE VEDIOS AND MOVIES..
THANKS..
PLEASE FOLLOW AND SUPPORT MY CHANNEL....!
🌟 Welcome to an unforgettable fiesta of colors, rhythms, and heart-stopping moves! 💃✨ Get ready to immerse yourself in the spectacular art of a Wedding Mujra Dance! In this dazzling video, witness talented dancers performing breathtaking traditional mujra routines, showcasing the vibrant spirit of celebration. From graceful twirls to mesmerizing expressions, each performance tells a story of love and joy!
Join us as we explore the rich cultural significance behind mujra dance, its essence in weddings, and why it's an irreplaceable part of festivities. 🎉 Don't forget to like, subscribe for more incredible dance performances, and share your favorite moments with us! ❤️ #WeddingDance #MujraMagic #DanceCulture
PLEASE FOLLOW AND SUPPORT MY CHANNEL....!
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Short filmTranscript
00:00:00Ah.
00:00:02Ah.
00:00:04Mm-hmm.
00:00:06Uh.
00:00:08Ooh.
00:00:12Ooh.
00:00:14Ooh.
00:00:16Ooh.
00:00:18Ooh.
00:00:20Ooh.
00:00:22Ooh.
00:00:24Ooh.
00:00:26Mm-hmm.
00:00:28Ooh.
00:00:30Mm-hmm.
00:00:32Oh, yes.
00:00:38Ah.
00:00:46Oh, yes, baby.
00:00:48Ooh.
00:00:50Ooh.
00:00:52Ooh, ooh.
00:00:54Ooh.
00:00:56Ooh.
00:00:58Ooh.
00:01:00Ooh.
00:01:02Ooh.
00:01:04Ooh.
00:01:14Oh, yes.
00:01:16Oh, yes.
00:01:25Oh, yes.
00:01:28Oh, yes.
00:01:32Oh, yes.
00:01:40Shit.
00:01:46Oh, yes.
00:01:51Oh, no.
00:01:55Oh, no.
00:01:56Oh, no!
00:01:57Oh, no!
00:01:58Oh, no.
00:02:16Oh, my God.
00:02:46Oh, my God.
00:03:16He's wearing a rug.
00:03:27Oh, my God.
00:03:28Oh, my God.
00:03:32Oh, my God.
00:03:34Oh, my God.
00:03:39Got it.
00:03:53Is his head put away now?
00:03:55It's in the bag.
00:03:57The body bag.
00:03:59It's about time you got here.
00:04:01Well, I just don't get it.
00:04:03Get what? Abstract time.
00:04:05I mean, what is that? A boat or a giraffe?
00:04:08That's blood, Harry.
00:04:09Oh?
00:04:10No AB.
00:04:11Positive?
00:04:12Maybe.
00:04:13You better give it to the lab.
00:04:14Already on it.
00:04:21I'd like to speak with you regarding Henry.
00:04:23Your ex-partner really took it hard when his dog died, didn't he?
00:04:26It wasn't so bad until he got shot in the head.
00:04:28That's when he started to bark.
00:04:29He was a good cop.
00:04:31Well, now he's a great pet.
00:04:33Oh, Harry. Nice of you to swing by.
00:04:35Told you, Cap, I don't do that anymore.
00:04:37It's a shame.
00:04:38Oh, well.
00:04:39Come over and take a look at this.
00:04:48Oh.
00:04:49Wow.
00:04:50See that green stuff?
00:04:51Yes, sir.
00:04:52Sperm.
00:04:53Cool.
00:04:54Let me see.
00:04:55Stop.
00:04:56No.
00:04:57Wow.
00:04:58I see trails.
00:04:59And colors.
00:05:00Uh-oh.
00:05:01Spiders.
00:05:02Whoa.
00:05:03Giant spiders.
00:05:04They're everywhere.
00:05:05Kill them!
00:05:07Wow.
00:05:08What a trick.
00:05:09So, uh...
00:05:10How did it happen?
00:05:11Well, you see, Harry, when a man and a woman...
00:05:13Or another man?
00:05:15Well, you see, Harry, when a man becomes aroused, he...
00:05:19Well, what he's saying, Harry, is our boy got his nut.
00:05:24Came and went.
00:05:25Scored and was KO'd.
00:05:27Hmm.
00:05:28Anything to go on?
00:05:29This bathroom's down the hall.
00:05:31Hey, Captain.
00:05:32Over here.
00:05:33Look at this.
00:05:34Angel dust?
00:05:35The cleaning lady's name isn't Angel.
00:05:37It's Lupe.
00:05:38Suspect?
00:05:39No.
00:05:40Mexican.
00:05:41Hmm.
00:05:42She's, uh, free on Tuesdays now.
00:05:46This is pure cocaine.
00:05:51It's been cut.
00:05:53Haven't we all, but it's not bad.
00:05:55You want us to find out who we bought it from?
00:05:57No, Harry.
00:05:58We could make a few undercover buys.
00:06:00No.
00:06:01Please!
00:06:03That'll just lead us to a blind alley.
00:06:06We busted that blind guy in the alley last week.
00:06:08Never saw us coming.
00:06:09Harry, I'm putting you on this case.
00:06:11Any latent prints?
00:06:13Just the one so far.
00:06:15In the closet.
00:06:20Hi.
00:06:23Hi.
00:06:24Look, Harry.
00:06:25This is the fourth murder this month involving a scarf, a chain, a saw, and a dead body.
00:06:30If I was a betting man, I'd wager that there was a connection between them.
00:06:37I want you to find out what it is.
00:06:39What is?
00:06:40And the connection.
00:06:41Between what?
00:06:43The murders, Harry.
00:06:44You're the best cop I got, Harry.
00:06:47No offense, Dick.
00:06:49The car's been established?
00:06:51Looks like murder, Harry.
00:06:53Who else knows of the murder?
00:06:54Nobody.
00:06:55As I was saying, it's an estate sale and the owner is motivated to move fast.
00:06:59So, what do you think?
00:07:01Well, it'll need a little work.
00:07:04An ID?
00:07:05No, I mean, who's this stiff, Captain?
00:07:09Crazy Vinny, the used car king.
00:07:11Crazy Vinny?
00:07:12I bought a car from that guy.
00:07:13Harry?
00:07:14Harry?
00:07:15Harry?
00:07:16Harry?
00:07:17Harry?
00:07:18Harry?
00:07:19Harry?
00:07:20Harry?
00:07:21Harry?
00:07:22Harry?
00:07:23Harry?
00:07:24We've got to stop this psychotic, whoever he is.
00:07:27We'll get him, Cap.
00:07:28We're the police.
00:07:29Protecting people is what we're all about.
00:07:30I knew I could rely on you, Harry.
00:07:31You're the best cop out of my life.
00:07:32That's my area.
00:07:34You know, I'm not such a bad guy.
00:07:59I like people, and they like me.
00:08:03like me great tits nice kid bummer
00:08:33hey bo how's it going hey harry what's going on yeah how's the wife dead done it no no thanks
00:08:47any mail for me today yeah you got some here a couple death threats hate mail nice somebody
00:08:54sent this package to his ticket you order a watch i don't think so hey harry i hear you got a new
00:09:00partner yeah how long is that smoke gonna last i don't know seems real smart you can tell
00:09:07what's wrong the witnesses in the back cover me
00:09:14melvis is alive here's a new one and it's hot
00:09:25come on wake
00:09:27can't you remember to keep the damn door close
00:09:39harry this is sally i've been thinking about it and i'm just not ready for marriage yet see you later bye
00:09:51this is debbie harry i've discussed it with the other members of my divorce recovery workshop
00:09:57we all agree you're a creep goodbye
00:09:59harry this is captain hook
00:10:03harry captain hook
00:10:04shut up harry i want you to know that we found some interesting clues at the crime scene after you
00:10:09left this could be the break we're looking for
00:10:12hmm i wonder what the killer gonna strike next
00:10:14a reliable source told us it will be a bowling alley now get back down here before i kick your ass
00:10:20where do you want the hookers
00:10:32hook them down the hall
00:10:33no the eyes were much bigger they were much bigger than that and the nose the nose was bigger too
00:10:50so what are all these new clues the captain was talking about someone found some hairs under the bed
00:11:02any pictures
00:11:03oh
00:11:06mm-hmm very nice
00:11:09gotta tell you dick none of these clues make any sense to me
00:11:12what's that diet drink 300 calories
00:11:25looks like you're losing a few pounds working out
00:11:31uh not since the incident
00:11:32i'll tell you harry
00:11:34we've been partners what um two weeks now and i am your best friend
00:11:38but i gotta tell you that was the worst thing that ever happened to anybody
00:11:42much less all those nuns
00:11:44oh it's horrible
00:11:44wife holding up okay
00:11:47she committed suicide last month
00:11:49that's right i think i read about that someplace
00:11:52how are the kids taking it
00:11:57i don't think we had any
00:11:58vates smoker
00:12:00i want you guys to know something
00:12:02you're the best officers i ever had
00:12:05i love you guys
00:12:06really i do
00:12:08but sometimes you gotta get up off your butts
00:12:11and get out there
00:12:13and
00:12:13needs a little something
00:12:23now that's what i call
00:12:35a cocktail
00:12:36you're a good cop harry
00:12:39a damn good cop
00:12:41i've never been closer with anyone in my life than i am with you
00:12:44but you gotta put that family tragedy in the past man
00:12:48concentrate on the future
00:12:50you got so much to live for
00:12:52how's the wife
00:12:54she's dead
00:12:56how do you tell the difference
00:12:58so uh what are these new clues
00:13:00i got them here
00:13:01somewhere
00:13:02oh yeah here
00:13:03let me see that
00:13:04long-leggy blonde seeks older wealthy gent
00:13:08wrong pocket
00:13:10they got this out of diorama's coat pocket
00:13:14what is it
00:13:15wedding invitation
00:13:16let's go
00:13:17all right
00:13:18what are you doing
00:13:22take out
00:13:22dick get the coleslaw
00:13:23sorry
00:13:24jerk
00:13:35are you with a bride
00:13:46no i'm with dick
00:13:47no no no
00:13:48for the wedding
00:13:49are you in the bride's out of the groom's
00:13:50who invited vinnie diorama
00:13:52a used car king
00:13:53i bought a car from you
00:13:54hey hey back off punk
00:13:56so did i
00:13:57oh
00:13:58that's not vinnie
00:14:02vinnie's dead
00:14:03i feel much better now
00:14:04thank you
00:14:05walk with me
00:14:07uh-huh-huh
00:14:07where's the booze
00:14:25it's flowing like mud around here
00:14:27are you blind
00:14:33why is it
00:14:42why is it
00:14:42i always meet the girl
00:14:43in my dreams
00:14:43at her own wedding
00:14:44you know i met my own wife
00:14:47at a wedding
00:14:47who's she marrying
00:14:48oh me
00:14:50come to think of it
00:14:51you know i read her
00:14:52the only religious passage i knew
00:14:53are miranda rites
00:14:54where our marriage
00:14:56was like one long conjugal visit
00:14:58take the fucking rocks
00:14:59out of your ears
00:15:00daddy that's the priest
00:15:02i'm just getting warmed up
00:15:23i'm just getting stuck
00:15:27there's fire under that dress
00:15:36tits
00:15:39i smell turkey
00:15:48let's have a wedding
00:15:49lyle designed the wedding cake
00:15:58he's an aspiring architect
00:16:01it's only a circle
00:16:04yeah well like i said
00:16:07he's perspiring
00:16:08by the way
00:16:10what happened to that cute guy
00:16:11with the pager
00:16:11well it's about time i ordered that drink
00:16:13a half hour ago
00:16:13get me some hors d'oeuvres
00:16:14i don't believe we've been introduced
00:16:17i'm
00:16:17harry bates police detective
00:16:19how did you know mine
00:16:21i was in that 7-eleven
00:16:22that was getting wrong
00:16:22oh when i shot all those people
00:16:24the first time
00:16:25you know you're lucky to be alive
00:16:27did you ever find the robbers
00:16:29no but someone's serving time
00:16:30so you can at least be thankful for that
00:16:31oh lozenger
00:16:34oh i'm sorry this is um
00:16:37my partner dick smoker
00:16:38it was a lovely ceremony
00:16:39mrs beaver hyphen shots
00:16:41montana please
00:16:42it was a montana ceremony
00:16:44mrs beaver hyphen shots
00:16:46the hyphen is silent
00:16:48you shouldn't try to hide it
00:16:49you should be very proud
00:16:50to still have your hyphen
00:16:51on your wedding day
00:16:51not many women do
00:16:53what brings you two to my wedding
00:16:55not an invitation certainly
00:16:57a car
00:16:58why are you here
00:16:59police business i'm afraid
00:17:01you're afraid of police business
00:17:03but you're detectives
00:17:04is this your house
00:17:08yes
00:17:09how long have you lived here
00:17:11since i moved in
00:17:11and what about lyle
00:17:12he came with the place
00:17:14have you known him well
00:17:15well detective i've known men a lot longer
00:17:18oh really
00:17:19men like
00:17:20vinnie diarama
00:17:21i'm sure i
00:17:24know vinnie
00:17:25you mean you knew him
00:17:26knew him
00:17:28vinnie's dead
00:17:29dead
00:17:30that's right dead
00:17:31so why don't you just cut the crap
00:17:32get your coat
00:17:32tell your guests goodbye
00:17:33come down to the station
00:17:34and sign a confession
00:17:35do us all favor
00:17:37and if i don't
00:17:40higher than start shooting your guests
00:17:43i'm in a 7-eleven state of mind
00:17:45yeah okay let me get my things
00:17:49well sorry one point
00:17:51careful
00:17:52harry this girl's it i just know it
00:17:59i'm your biggest fan
00:18:01i've had bigger
00:18:02so boys
00:18:03who's first on the agenda
00:18:05uh let me check my notes
00:18:06mind if i have a candy bar
00:18:18uh there's no eating in the interrogation room
00:18:26so what are you gonna do arrest me for chocolate
00:18:28can we do that
00:18:29want some harry
00:18:34i'm on a diet
00:18:35it's got nuts
00:18:37and you know how you like nuts harry
00:18:39because of that trip you took with your family to the park when you were a small boy
00:18:44and a man in a dog costume offered you a handful of nuts
00:18:49if you would take him for a walk
00:18:51but he got hit by a car
00:18:53didn't he harry
00:18:54do you remember how sad you were that day harry
00:18:58and how your mother beat you for crying
00:19:01and took your own dog to the pound just to teach you a lesson
00:19:05how did you know this
00:19:09how did she know this
00:19:11nobody knew about that dog except my mommy
00:19:12all right
00:19:13who gave her my personnel file
00:19:15could have been anybody harry
00:19:16you've told everybody about that damn dog
00:19:18that's right harry
00:19:20and you know everyone in the department pretty much despises you
00:19:22would you like to make love to me harry
00:19:24be like a virgin inside
00:19:27and i'm anxious to let go like never before
00:19:30and wave after wave of cascading ecstasy
00:19:34like a waterfall
00:19:35god i gotta take a piss
00:19:37no
00:19:38like a ship
00:19:39being ripped broadside by a big torpedo
00:19:42is there any more of that candy bar left
00:19:44no mrs uh beaver shots
00:19:47montana
00:19:47whatever
00:19:48um did you kill vinnie diorama
00:19:50would i be here
00:19:51if i killed vinnie
00:19:52actually yes
00:19:53this is a police station
00:19:55and is in fact
00:19:56where we bring people we suspect of committing homicide
00:19:58am i a suspect
00:19:59is the president a pot smoking womanizing draft dodger
00:20:03is a tax hike regressive
00:20:04got another candy bar
00:20:05i'm saving it for harry
00:20:07you were seen with vinnie earlier at the heavens gate nightclub and you were seen with him entering his house a neighbor in a wheelchair saw you through his rear window tie vinnie to the bed and hack him to bits and you were seen leaving his house with a bloodshed
00:20:24and you were seen with him entering his house and you were seen with him entering his house and you were seen with him entering his house a neighbor in a wheelchair saw you through his rear window tie vinnie to the bed and hack him to bits and you were seen leaving his house with a blood drenched chainsaw now mrs beaver shots do you really expect us to believe you didn't kill vinnie diorama
00:20:42inquiring minds want to know
00:20:44boy she's tough
00:20:46we gotta release her
00:20:48i'll tailor
00:20:49pumper for information
00:20:50tailor pumper
00:20:51tailor pumper
00:20:52tailor pumper
00:20:54tailor pumper
00:20:55she's hiding something i just know it
00:20:57you sure you don't want me harry
00:21:01i'm on a diet
00:21:03i'm not
00:21:04we don't have enough to hold her harry
00:21:09you're like a sunday
00:21:11make us proud of your boy
00:21:13not like the last time
00:21:15bring back photos
00:21:17why don't you give me a ride home mr. bakes
00:21:20hey
00:21:27hey
00:21:28hi guys
00:21:30how are you
00:21:30oh peter
00:21:32yeah
00:21:33water
00:21:34yeah
00:21:35oh hi guys
00:21:39it's a great florist
00:21:41nice seeing you
00:21:42i think this is yours
00:21:43oh thanks jenry
00:21:47i missed you
00:21:48i sure did
00:21:49well i guess you know all the guys
00:21:51i support my local police
00:21:53thanks for the ride harry
00:22:03oh my god
00:22:12dr kimball
00:22:13report to prosthetics
00:22:14dr fellatio
00:22:17report to ent
00:22:19dr kimball
00:22:21report to prosthetics
00:22:22drs mcintyre
00:22:24pierce and unicott
00:22:25report to makeup
00:22:26montana
00:22:27montana
00:22:29montana
00:22:30montana
00:22:31can you hear me
00:22:32i can't see you
00:22:34you're all blurry
00:22:36that should do it
00:22:44how do you feel now
00:22:46mrs beaver shots
00:22:47a little stiff
00:22:50uh no that's
00:22:52that's me
00:22:52dr lingus
00:22:54call obgyn
00:22:55well looks like we won't be needing this anymore
00:22:59where am i
00:23:00earth
00:23:01third planet from the sun
00:23:02she's worse off than we thought
00:23:04oh what happened
00:23:06you were hit by a car
00:23:07driven by
00:23:08your husband
00:23:09i was fired
00:23:11that's too bad dear
00:23:13we're down to our last 50 bucks
00:23:15what
00:23:16looks like we're gonna have to go to las vegas and
00:23:19gamble our entire life savings so
00:23:21i can get enough money
00:23:22to build a dream house that will show the entire world i'm not a complete idiot
00:23:26but the world's greatest architect
00:23:29but enough about me how do you feel about my plan
00:23:32dr huxtable your jello's ready
00:23:34what's wrong with me doctor
00:23:36don't tell her
00:23:37don't tell her
00:23:38whatever you do don't tell her
00:23:39everything's fine they're just
00:23:41will she be okay
00:23:43you mean like i'm okay you're okay
00:23:45well he's a real loser okay
00:23:47hard to tell about mrs beaver's shots
00:23:49we did take some x-rays
00:23:51dr fleischmann
00:23:52call your agent
00:23:54what's it look like
00:23:55she's either a cocker spaniel or a blowfish
00:23:58either way it looks like she swallowed a ball
00:24:02can you take more tests
00:24:04i went to medical school eight years detective i don't need any more tests
00:24:09doctor
00:24:10come quick
00:24:12in a moment
00:24:12nurse
00:24:13in a moment
00:24:13doctor isn't there anything else you can do
00:24:15well i can juggle but i don't think that's gonna help in this case matter of fact
00:24:18nothing is until we find out who's gonna pay our medical bills
00:24:21if you don't mind doc i'd like to ask montana a few questions
00:24:23what are you a malpractice attorney
00:24:25doctor are you coming
00:24:27dr crane
00:24:28your codependent jumped
00:24:29now montana back at the station we were discussing vinnie diorama
00:24:33i remember
00:24:34you were there
00:24:36and you were there
00:24:38and so were you
00:24:41that's right
00:24:42now you said you knew him
00:24:43then i said i knew him
00:24:45he was dead
00:24:46he was dead then too
00:24:47how did it happen
00:24:49holding headache
00:24:50did you know him well
00:24:52i bought a car from him a few weeks ago
00:24:55and that's all
00:24:57dr welby
00:24:59your patient died
00:25:00well
00:25:01yes that's all
00:25:06are you still in possession of the car
00:25:10no
00:25:11her sister dakota has the car
00:25:12my twin half stepsister once removed actually
00:25:15like we say in the beaver house
00:25:17a horse is a horse
00:25:19of course of course
00:25:20where is this twin half sister trust room
00:25:24thanks partner in a row
00:25:27is she single
00:25:29she'll be here shortly
00:25:31she has an appointment with her gynecologist this afternoon
00:25:34her schedule has been tight
00:25:36but she has a small opening so it shouldn't take that long
00:25:38my heart
00:25:40my heart
00:25:41oh no no no that's just my pager
00:25:42come on dick we've got a meeting at 8
00:25:44dr quinn
00:25:52your show's been cancelled
00:25:54dr gannon
00:25:57lose the clogs
00:25:58so uh party 201
00:25:59oh yeah
00:26:00extras
00:26:03she is i'm not
00:26:05i'm dakota montana's sister
00:26:07my flight came in late
00:26:08so they brought me out of the last scene
00:26:09great play william shakes here
00:26:24story of my life
00:26:26so why are we here doctor
00:26:27well that is just truly remarkable
00:26:31my good man all this time
00:26:33i have operated under the assumption
00:26:35that you were an idiot
00:26:36yet all the while
00:26:38you
00:26:38have contemplated
00:26:40as have i
00:26:41the age old questions
00:26:42of human existence
00:26:43where are we going
00:26:45where are we from
00:26:46and why are we here
00:26:47yeah why are we here
00:26:49when i could be at the monster truck poles
00:26:51well let me tell you why we're here
00:26:55you see there's a little situation
00:26:57developing here
00:26:58that's turned out to be a real problem
00:27:00you don't have any health insurance
00:27:03he's right lyle
00:27:05what are we going to do
00:27:07well i could cut off his head
00:27:09and pickle it
00:27:10sell it to the circus
00:27:11as a science show
00:27:12don't worry montana
00:27:14we may not have any money
00:27:16but we've got love
00:27:17and love is all you need
00:27:18love is all you need
00:27:20love is all you need
00:27:22love is all you need
00:27:24yeah she loves you
00:27:25yeah yeah yeah
00:27:26and i don't care much for money
00:27:28because money can't buy me love
00:27:30look i don't want to alarm you
00:27:33to any great degree
00:27:34but i have come to the conclusion
00:27:35that you don't have the money
00:27:37to pay me
00:27:37now this leaves us
00:27:39with very few options
00:27:40one of which of course
00:27:41is a visit to your house
00:27:42from dr d
00:27:43dr kevorkian
00:27:46oh montana
00:27:48i'm such a loser
00:27:49what are we ever going to do
00:27:51well let me throw out
00:27:53this hypothetical possibility
00:27:55for you
00:27:56which could solve
00:27:57all your financial problems
00:27:59well as long as it's decent
00:28:01what if i were to present to you
00:28:06a mutually agreeable sum of money
00:28:08which would entitle me to
00:28:10have my way with your wife
00:28:13for one entire night
00:28:14are you serious
00:28:17as a heart attack
00:28:19lyle please
00:28:20i'm a professional
00:28:21i operate under the strictest code of moral
00:28:24i was merely presenting to you a hypothetical situation
00:28:28uh what if
00:28:30what if
00:28:31what if
00:28:32what if
00:28:34what if
00:28:35i don't know
00:28:37i mean
00:28:37i mean she used my wife
00:28:38what's in it for me
00:28:40sixty forty split with the hospital
00:28:44come on lyle what do you say be a sport
00:28:48after all the kind of money we're talking about here if wisely invested could last a very very long time
00:28:55whereas one night of sex with your wife is after all
00:28:59one night of passionate hot steamy sex with your wife
00:29:06will i get the sixty
00:29:09all right lyle you drive a hard bargain
00:29:13fifty fifty and i'll even bring her back with her clothes on
00:29:16having eaten breakfast
00:29:18can i watch
00:29:19i like to watch
00:29:21beggars cannot be boyars
00:29:25i don't know
00:29:27it might ruin our relationship
00:29:29oh come on kid a healthy sexual congress between two consenting adults is a
00:29:35profoundly beautiful moving experience
00:29:40provided of course the husband of one is not a down on his luck architect with the grain of a gnat
00:29:47okay but
00:29:49only if montana agrees
00:29:51you really need it lyle
00:29:56oh i do love you
00:29:58and we do need the money
00:29:59and it was you who ran me over with the car
00:30:01i promise you i won't enjoy it okay
00:30:03and i'll think of you the whole time
00:30:05now just take your time
00:30:07i'll do it
00:30:09nobody's rushing you
00:30:11i'll do it
00:30:11whatever you decide it's okay with me
00:30:14i'll do it
00:30:15so we got a deal
00:30:18not so fast
00:30:20you meyer montana's agent
00:30:22an agent
00:30:23just need to iron out a few particulars here
00:30:25no big deal
00:30:26whoa
00:30:28now doc
00:30:30are we talking basic one night stand
00:30:32or are we talking series here
00:30:34no no no i'm just thinking a little music
00:30:36a little more candlelight
00:30:37some heavy foreplay and a lot of sex
00:30:39great doc
00:30:40you do know foreplay is extra right
00:30:42no way it's part of the deal
00:30:43oh no it's always extra
00:30:45we got a deal
00:30:46how much
00:30:47hmmm
00:30:52a million bucks
00:30:54a million bucks i don't carry that kind of cash around
00:30:57well what sort of figure do you have in mind
00:30:59well let's see what i have here
00:31:00how about
00:31:01all right
00:31:04all right
00:31:05thirty eight dollars
00:31:06half a mil
00:31:07take it or leave it
00:31:14okay
00:31:15okay now sixty eight bucks all right
00:31:18a hundred grand and that's as low as i'll go
00:31:20all right all right all right sixty eight dollars
00:31:25fifty two cents deal
00:31:29it was the best i could do
00:31:37he was ruthless
00:31:41but we'll get him on the sequel
00:31:44still no breaks in the serial chainsaw murders
00:31:49police are baffled by the rash of homicides
00:31:52and police spokesman dick smoker had only this to say
00:31:56we are conducting an ongoing investigation
00:32:11that's right
00:32:11tell us more
00:32:12there is no suspect in police custody at this time
00:32:16that's good
00:32:17no further comments
00:32:19that's right
00:32:31that's right the complete set of fortune cookies and torque wrenches are just
00:32:34nineteen ninety five this hour coming up we have a song my friend you're probably
00:32:39wondering how to become risk that may not like darn who well my friend i'll tell you there
00:32:43are three letter words three letters make you a successful risk that may like darn who my friend
00:32:48sell your family
00:32:50when i first come to this country i have fifty brother and sister my friend i sell them all off
00:32:53for scientific experiments and i'm able to profit profit profit
00:32:56i'm able to wear both little bikini card bucks and bimbos of course the beautiful i paid top dollar for them
00:33:02yeah when i first come to this country people tell me darn you crazy man how you gonna make a look at you
00:33:05you're poor immigrant you don't speak english very well you got beady little eyes
00:33:09you got big fat lips and you're not just asshole i tell them to fuck off
00:33:14that's true boy my friend
00:33:15yeah you don't want the reason why they say those things
00:33:17you want to know why they take like that to dang woo
00:33:20you have to come to the seminar
00:33:22welcome to another episode of incredibly unbelievable ideas
00:33:25i'm your host marty haskell and you know folks
00:33:28i've seen a lot of incredible unbelievable ideas in my time
00:33:31but today we are going to meet the man who has cornered the market on bad taste
00:33:37ladies and gents i give you lyle shots
00:33:48hi lyle and welcome to incredibly unbelievable ideas the show where people buy almost anything
00:33:58ladies and gentlemen let's give a big incredibly
00:34:00unbelievable welcome to montana beaver shots
00:34:08the what tell me how do you intend to get these good but simple people to part with their hard-earned
00:34:14money isn't my wife beautiful
00:34:17she's the kind of woman that men dream about when their wives turn them down audience let me ask you
00:34:22how much would you pay to sleep with my wife a million dollars sure if you're a billionaire but
00:34:28most of us don't have that kind of money am i right so how much would you pay a half a million a
00:34:35hundred thousand if you smoke cuban cigars but i don't and neither do you montana show these people
00:34:42what you can do
00:34:58so what do you think folks 149 dollars you could buy a nice set of knives or maybe a food dehydrator for
00:35:05that but let me tell you something right now it's not going to cost you that it's not going to cost
00:35:11you the price of the two carat daimonique or the unbelievable engine additive
00:35:18and car wax this stuff really works or the amazing oven that's right man right now and for a limited
00:35:26time only if you call the number on your screen you can sleep with my wife that's right you can commit
00:35:33adultery with a beautiful woman for the incredibly low tv offer price of 59.95 offer not available
00:35:40or prohibited by law so what are you waiting for call 1-900 do my wife that's 1-900 do my wife call
00:35:50now before he comes to his senses operators are standing by right now to take your call
00:35:55who is it a free gift for the lady in the house courtesy of grogaine makers of woman oxidal
00:36:11a revolutionary new product that gives every woman a big hair look free gift come on in
00:36:26i know you there is no lady of the house is there she died recently that's what i heard you pushed her
00:36:35over the edge i read about it in the newspaper oh what a nice dog what a friendly dog
00:36:44oh gee whiz you must be allergic hey hey come on come on leave her alone leave her alone get back to
00:36:54your corner hey lay down lay down here try this
00:36:58what is this that stuff really works what is it please pray
00:37:14you must be a lonely guy i like my privacy looks like you get a lot of it too
00:37:29why are you trying to nail my sister only if she leaves her husband i'm talking about the murder what
00:37:35do you know about that it's more than one way to skin a cat a sharp knife works best especially
00:37:41around the paws i get the picture look straight at the camera don't smile miss beaver
00:37:47where's montana she's with my psychiatrist they're having an affair ha so do you think i'm pretty
00:37:55sure you're you're pretty i'm not too fat am i of course not you like my hair it's big if there's
00:38:07anything you change about me what would it be will go ahead you can tell me you have such beautiful
00:38:16blonde hair why do you do otherwise black montana killed our parents you know she said to meet her at
00:38:22a bar called heaven's gate she's crazy why are you uh seeing a psychiatrist i'm not you said you were
00:38:31i was but i'm better now i can see that i hate her let's make love uh what's the uh name of your
00:38:44psychiatrist dr hasselblatt oh look at the time what gotta go i tell you what uh you uh feed the
00:38:52dog and uh i'll be back wednesday oh well i i think it actually started with my great great
00:39:04grandfather he was a ship builder he built the titanic and uh well it really wasn't his fault i
00:39:10mean who would have figured there would have been an iceberg out there what do you want your pizza
00:39:15sausage and pepperoni i think last year when i got the job with la county uh i was hi captain yeah
00:39:23siri would you like a sausage pepperoni pizza please i don't know the address just uh trace the call
00:39:28so i understand you're uh the beaver psychiatrist why do you ask just answer the question
00:39:35finally you should say that well we can take it downtown if you like is that so yeah damn right
00:39:41i've got a gun how does that make you feel power breakaway overpasses put them all around la is
00:39:50great idea do you have health insurance as a matter of time oh no we're talking about you
00:39:57i have a degree from harvard i did my graduate work at yale i completed a six months course of
00:40:03psychiatric study in vienna oh i love those little sauce i served out my residency at walter reed and then
00:40:10was an intern at john hopkins i'm licensed to practice medicine in 16 states i serve on the board
00:40:19of directors for four major hospitals that's okay i mean i teach psychiatry at ucsf i have a thriving
00:40:27private practice with 7 000 patients does that include suicide victims i was mr universe twice my daughter
00:40:36sells more cookies than anyone in her girl scouts and i completed three fireworks with tony robbins
00:40:44in short mr bates i am god amen now about dakota beaver what about her is she homicidal kind of
00:40:53important to me like her sister of course not what about her her sister what pictures i have of her all in
00:41:01here you understand do you sleep with my patients or their personal friends or close relatives mr bates
00:41:13how do you know my name when tana talks about you she has a very rich fantasy life and you figure most
00:41:21prominently in it please go on i can tell you nothing that would violate patients confidentiality
00:41:30even if i threaten to shoot you what do you want to know why don't you tell me more about montana
00:41:37and dakota mr bates as you surely realized by now there's only one montana and dakota are actually a
00:41:48third person we call amanda she doesn't really exist she suffers from multiple multiple personality
00:41:56disorder okay okay i'll bite how many personalities more than a handful of course
00:42:03what at least have you seen them both oh yes i am her doctor they look completely different but
00:42:12i have never seen them together in the same room that is the key to the whole mystery what are you nuts
00:42:19they asked me to leave the room why do you ask oh i don't know just the feeling i have
00:42:26try to get in touch with your feelings i've said too much i'm not a therapist i'm a psychiatrist i
00:42:32shouldn't do this so what about the gutter you want to sleep with one
00:42:40sleep with montana met her sister why she's got bigger tits stupid boy this has been real fun that's
00:42:52my dream an inverted pyramid put on it sort of wobbling back and forth if i could just figure out how to
00:42:59get the damn thing from falling over time's up i will see you next week we are making progress
00:43:18oh
00:43:35wait
00:43:48What's a four-letter word for woman that is in UNT?
00:44:09Aunt, A-U-N-T.
00:44:11That works.
00:44:12Can I erase her?
00:44:13What can I get you today, boys?
00:44:15No boys for me today, thanks.
00:44:17Dick?
00:44:17I got one.
00:44:19Harriet?
00:44:19Not today.
00:44:20So what did you find with that address?
00:44:22Well, found a house.
00:44:25I know it!
00:44:26This is the break we need!
00:44:28What are you looking at?
00:44:32You think the house had anything to do with these murders?
00:44:35Off the record?
00:44:37Sure.
00:44:40I don't think the house had anything to do with it.
00:44:42Why?
00:44:42Houses don't kill people, Cap.
00:44:44People kill people.
00:44:44But goddammit, boy!
00:44:46People live in houses!
00:44:47Animals kill people, too.
00:44:49Dick's right.
00:44:50Look at Catherine the Great.
00:44:51She was killed by a horse, you know.
00:44:53Oh, Lorena.
00:44:54Hot dog.
00:44:55Warned her with a rope coming down and caught around the horse's tail and yanked it up in
00:44:59the air and came down and, uh, ran on Catherine the Great.
00:45:04Wait, what's the reason we ever made it?
00:45:06Excellent.
00:45:06All right, all right, fine.
00:45:07What do we do now?
00:45:08Well, last night I sat down and mapped out the exact location of each of these murders.
00:45:13What'd you find?
00:45:14Well, Harry, I found out I'm a lonely man.
00:45:16A lonely, lonely man.
00:45:19And the map?
00:45:20I've got it at home.
00:45:21Come on by if you want to have a look at it.
00:45:23Whoa!
00:45:23Look at the time.
00:45:24We'll be in touch.
00:45:25It's pretty interesting.
00:45:26I'm sure it is.
00:45:33Hello?
00:45:34I was just thinking about you.
00:45:35What are you doing?
00:45:36What are you wearing?
00:45:38Why don't you come on over?
00:45:40I've got a new 45 I want you to hear.
00:45:42Get a day job.
00:45:45Official business.
00:45:46Police dispatch.
00:45:56Got it.
00:45:57The game's afoot.
00:45:58There's been another murder.
00:46:03Oh, what is this?
00:46:10Come on, move it!
00:46:11Get out of the way!
00:46:13Don't play with the radio, dick.
00:46:15Oh, that's good.
00:46:20I'll teach this clown how to drive.
00:46:26Oh, fuck you!
00:46:31You know something?
00:46:32I really like this girl.
00:46:33Gee, I hope she's not a mass murderer.
00:46:35I think we could settle down and live happily ever after.
00:46:40Twenty years, Herr.
00:46:41Twenty years on the force and all I got was this stupid t-shirt.
00:46:47Bummer.
00:46:47Time of death?
00:46:484.57 p.m.
00:46:58Good morning, Captain.
00:47:00Oh, Patricia.
00:47:01Glad you're here.
00:47:02Dick.
00:47:03Harry.
00:47:04This is Dr. Patricia Martin, the apartment.
00:47:07Department psychologist.
00:47:09What are you doing here?
00:47:10Here's my suspect, Shrink.
00:47:12It's good to see you again, Harry.
00:47:14The pleasure's all mine.
00:47:15It always was.
00:47:17So, where's the body?
00:47:19Oh, in my trunk, right where you left it.
00:47:21I meant Dr. Hasselblad.
00:47:22He's in there.
00:47:23The priest is administering the last rites.
00:47:36So, what do you think?
00:47:37Multiple murders like this are very rare.
00:47:40Why?
00:47:40Well, for one thing, they don't happen very often.
00:47:44They've all had damn luck.
00:47:46Cause been established?
00:47:47Well, here's what I think happened.
00:47:51First, they did this.
00:47:57Then, after about a minute, they switched.
00:48:00She used her body as a weapon.
00:48:02Oh, boy.
00:48:03That's right.
00:48:05How are you feeling here?
00:48:07A little tired.
00:48:09And a constant bouncing of lush, ripe breasts against the stern.
00:48:12Started his heart beating regularly.
00:48:15Combine that with high blood pressure.
00:48:17She broke his real heart in million pieces.
00:48:21Then, she chopped him up.
00:48:25Look.
00:48:27I want to show you something.
00:48:28I don't need to.
00:48:29Throw it here.
00:48:33Stay away from that woman, Harry.
00:48:35She's dangerous.
00:48:36I don't know.
00:48:37She seems perfectly normal to me.
00:48:39She is suffering from a very rare condition.
00:48:42How rare?
00:48:43She's the only one who has it.
00:48:45It?
00:48:46Your killer is suffering from Patricia Syndrome by proxy.
00:48:50Patricia Syndrome?
00:48:51Sometimes women who are named Patricia only want to be called Patricia.
00:48:56Not Pat, Trish, or even Patty.
00:48:59Which, in comparison to others, really isn't so bad.
00:49:03My father called me that, and look how I turned out.
00:49:07Now, when a Patricia is called anything other than a Patricia,
00:49:12most of them will simply correct the person who is at fault and go about their daily lives.
00:49:18But when a woman is suffering from Patricia Syndrome, she can experience periods of uncontrollable anger.
00:49:27And hack people to death with chainsaws?
00:49:28Exactly.
00:49:31Are you sure?
00:49:33No sweat.
00:49:35Well, that's all fine and dandy, doctor, but you're forgetting one important thing.
00:49:39None of our suspects are named Patricia.
00:49:40I know.
00:49:42That's why this woman is suffering from the Patricia Syndrome by proxy.
00:49:47Patricia Syndrome by proxy.
00:49:49Right.
00:49:50I'm guessing that at one time, our killer knew someone by the name of Patricia.
00:49:55Perhaps she had a fixation on her.
00:49:57Perhaps they were intimate.
00:50:01How intimate?
00:50:02We both picked the same numbers and won the lottery once.
00:50:11And when we went down to pick up our prize, she developed this really big crush on me.
00:50:16And we became lovers.
00:50:19Look, it was only once, and I didn't enjoy it.
00:50:21Yeah, right.
00:50:23She used to walk up and down the street saying my name, Patricia.
00:50:28You wouldn't be interested in getting together with her again with me there?
00:50:32Or me?
00:50:32Have you come across any other signs which you might consider unusual?
00:50:40Well, one of our boys at the crime lab found this.
00:50:47But that's as far as he went.
00:50:50Let's see.
00:50:51All the other victims were found with a green scarf?
00:50:54That's very good.
00:50:55So, if the doctor's body has a green scarf with it, then the Patricia Syndrome by proxy is all it could be.
00:51:01That'll kill the smell.
00:51:04Here, you may need this.
00:51:14Bad, that's got a bite.
00:51:16Here you go, Dick.
00:51:16Tom's fire.
00:51:23Sorry, Captain.
00:51:23That's mine.
00:51:26Well?
00:51:26Victim has been dismembered except for the extremities.
00:51:30No sign of struggle.
00:51:32Victim wore polyester.
00:51:34Victim never asked for directions.
00:51:36Victim was afraid of commitment.
00:51:39Victim put his inner child up for adoption.
00:51:41Victim thought foreplay was a golf term.
00:51:44Victim left the toilet seat up.
00:51:46Nothing else seems peculiar.
00:51:49Stop!
00:51:51What is it?
00:51:53There's something in his mouth.
00:51:54Tweezers.
00:51:57Tweezers!
00:51:57I'll take those.
00:52:07Ah, gold.
00:52:10Wait, there's something else.
00:52:11Ah, I guess that's just the tongue.
00:52:20Well, wait.
00:52:28Hey!
00:52:29Hi, Mr. Bates.
00:52:49This is Marty Haskell.
00:52:51How you doing?
00:52:52I'm calling for the county firefighters.
00:52:54As you might already know, it's that time of year again
00:52:56when the firefighters have to swallow their pride a little bit
00:52:59and ask for your support.
00:53:01This year's benefit show will be Posi-Traction,
00:53:04the exciting heavy metal band from San Francisco,
00:53:07including some clowns and jugglers for the opening act.
00:53:10Your tax-deductible contribution will be greatly appreciated.
00:53:13For only $20, you can take your entire family out
00:53:17and see the fun and entertainment.
00:53:18Or you can sponsor some disadvantaged kids to go in your place.
00:53:23Okay, so let me get this straight.
00:53:24I give you $20, and you give me a picture of the junkie I'm supporting?
00:53:28Oh, sounds good.
00:53:29So someone's going to come by and pick up the check.
00:53:32Cash.
00:53:33Leave it under the doormat, and we'll pick it up tonight.
00:53:35Pick up the cash.
00:53:36Okay, and you are?
00:53:37Mr. Smith.
00:53:38Thanks for your support.
00:53:40Okay, well, thank you.
00:53:41All right, bye-bye.
00:53:47Where's Dr. Hasselblad?
00:53:48He's dead, Dakota.
00:53:50Your doctor's dead.
00:53:51I know, it's just getting better.
00:53:52So, you want to make love?
00:53:57Oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:54:27Hi, I've been waiting here all by my lonesome.
00:54:36Can I come in?
00:54:41Where's your sister?
00:55:05What sister?
00:55:06Dakota.
00:55:07Dakota.
00:55:08I have a sister named Dakota.
00:55:11That's news to me.
00:55:13Not to mention my parents.
00:55:15My real sister, Patricia.
00:55:16Well, your parents died in a horrible, fiery plane crash, and Patricia is a psychologist
00:55:27who won the lottery.
00:55:28Dakota told you that?
00:55:30She's such a kidder.
00:55:32What else did Dakota tell you?
00:55:34That you were sleeping with her psychiatrist.
00:55:37He's dead.
00:55:38Let me fix you a drink.
00:55:41Do you think I killed him?
00:55:45I don't really know you all that well.
00:55:50Would you like to get to know me better, Mr. Bates?
00:55:56I'd like that.
00:55:57Hungry?
00:55:57Mm-hmm.
00:55:58Is that man dead?
00:55:59That's no man.
00:56:00That's my husband.
00:56:01He's just resting.
00:56:03He looks dead.
00:56:04No, he's asleep.
00:56:05He's been working very hard lately.
00:56:06He's been working very hard lately.
00:56:07His eyes are open.
00:56:08Those are contacts.
00:56:11He's got a knife sticking out of his chest.
00:56:15He's just trying to get attention.
00:56:17Ignore him, please.
00:56:18Ignore him, I think I'd better go have a look.
00:56:20You know, I just love all these police things you do, Harry.
00:56:23I want you so much.
00:56:24This is all wrong, though.
00:56:25I mean, you're a cop and I'm the prime suspect in six murder cases.
00:56:28Uh, three.
00:56:29Yeah, I just had a premonition.
00:56:30I mean, you're a cop and I'm the prime suspect in six murder cases.
00:56:43Ah, three.
00:56:48Yeah, I just had a premonition.
00:56:56I just had a premonition.
00:56:58You know, this just isn't going to work, Harry.
00:57:01I mean, I'm looking for a long-term relationship
00:57:04in this stage of my life,
00:57:06and I get the feeling that you're not ready
00:57:09for that kind of commitment.
00:57:10Can I ask you a question, Harry?
00:57:12Sure.
00:57:13Do you want children?
00:57:14Of course I want.
00:57:17Hello?
00:57:20Yes.
00:57:22You know, I'm sorry to cut this short,
00:57:23but I'm the prize in the church raffle
00:57:25and a gorgeous young billionaire just won me.
00:57:27See you later.
00:57:33Nicole, tell the waiter to get me
00:57:35one of those big-ass steak knives.
00:57:38We were heating up like two poodles in a microwave,
00:57:41but Montana had to do her part for charity.
00:57:43What a gal.
00:57:44She's as honorable as my true blue steadfast partner, Dick.
00:57:55Dick, you've got class.
00:58:14Whoa!
00:58:15Would you like another banana?
00:58:16I mean, Harry's just donut chops.
00:58:19But you...
00:58:19How is the world's greatest detective?
00:58:23Well, Harry and I are just friends.
00:58:25I mean, we have this understanding.
00:58:28You look great in black.
00:58:31Oh.
00:58:32I'm in mourning.
00:58:35Why does everybody have to die?
00:58:38Everybody around me is dead.
00:58:44All dead.
00:58:45All dead.
00:59:02Have you ever killed anyone?
00:59:04I think somebody's about to page me,
00:59:07and I really should be by a phone.
00:59:09I knew a guy once.
00:59:10He drove a rental car through a crowded bus stop
00:59:12and killed 16 people.
00:59:15Just for kicks.
00:59:18I find that fascinating.
00:59:20Don't you?
00:59:21People can be very hard on rental cars.
00:59:23Now, if they'll just excuse me...
00:59:24No, don't go.
00:59:25Ah!
00:59:27I find you very stimulating.
00:59:29Why me?
00:59:29Why not?
00:59:30You must get it all over town.
00:59:31Well, it's not that I'm deprived,
00:59:33but that I'm terribly depraved.
00:59:35I don't know.
00:59:36Harry is my best friend.
00:59:39But even I don't like him very much.
00:59:43I went out looking for Montana.
00:59:46Hey!
00:59:47She wasn't at my neighbor's apartment.
00:59:51Ah!
00:59:59Where's my damn dog?
01:00:01Someone stop the boat.
01:00:03Oh, sorry.
01:00:04Neighborhood watch.
01:00:05Ever vigilant.
01:00:07I'll be by.
01:00:16Oh!
01:00:17Oh!
01:00:21Oh!
01:00:22Oh!
01:00:22Oh!
01:00:23Oh!
01:00:23Oh!
01:00:23Oh!
01:00:24Oh!
01:00:24Oh!
01:00:25Oh!
01:00:26Oh!
01:00:26Oh!
01:00:26Oh!
01:00:27Oh!
01:00:27Oh!
01:00:27Oh!
01:00:28Oh!
01:00:29Oh!
01:00:30Oh!
01:00:30Oh!
01:00:30Oh!
01:00:31Oh!
01:00:31You're out of control, Harry, you got some chili on your face.
01:00:40Rice cake?
01:00:41I don't know.
01:00:42Do I like it?
01:00:43Did I miss anything?
01:00:44Just another homicide.
01:00:46Oh.
01:00:47Hey, you rough night.
01:00:52Oh, send the stool sample to the lab.
01:00:56What you got there, Dahmer?
01:00:59Murder weapon.
01:01:00You get any lately, Harry?
01:01:01Haha.
01:01:03Cool.
01:01:17Last a few pounds.
01:01:21Dahmer, take this to the lab for prints.
01:01:24Where's the suspect, Harry?
01:01:26It's time we picked her up for questioning.
01:01:27I can't let her do it.
01:01:31I can't let her go through with it.
01:01:33I love her, Dick.
01:01:34You hear me?
01:01:35I love her.
01:01:36Were you talking to me?
01:01:38Were you talking to me?
01:01:39No.
01:01:42I think it's time we folded in the captain.
01:01:44Good.
01:01:44Let's do that.
01:01:46Doggone that hay fever.
01:01:47You what?
01:01:58Captain, if you'll just let me explain.
01:02:01Explain?
01:02:04How do you explain this?
01:02:05I told you already, there was nowhere else.
01:02:08So you take my parking spot.
01:02:10You got some nerve, Bates.
01:02:12Will you forget about the parking spot already?
01:02:15Now, what are we going to do about Montana?
01:02:16What's to do?
01:02:17We're placing her under surveillance.
01:02:19Surveillance?
01:02:20Yeah, she's leaving now.
01:02:21Good luck, surveillance.
01:02:39Speak of the devil.
01:02:46Hi there.
01:03:00How are you doing?
01:03:02What do you want?
01:03:03You.
01:03:03What?
01:03:04I think that we should settle down.
01:03:06Buy a house.
01:03:07Make little rugrats.
01:03:08Right.
01:03:09Seriously.
01:03:11I think we could have great kids.
01:03:14I want to have three.
01:03:16See, that way if one turns out gay, you can disown them and you won't be left with an only child.
01:03:19So what's a sensitive guy like you doing in a place like this anyway?
01:03:24Montana left me.
01:03:26Do you like these shoes?
01:03:28Sure, they're nice.
01:03:29Do you think my feet are too big?
01:03:31No.
01:03:32Do my ankles seem fat to you?
01:03:33Of course not.
01:03:35Let's get takeout and go back to your place.
01:03:37Do you believe in past lives?
01:03:39In my last one, I was a tarp.
01:03:41That's great.
01:03:43Let's get a bottle of wine and go back to your place.
01:03:46Have you ever wanted to fire your gun in a crowded schoolyard?
01:03:50I love kids.
01:03:52Why don't we get some oil and a plastic sheet and go back to your place?
01:03:59I'm hearing voices and they're telling me to kill you.
01:04:03Oh, look at the time.
01:04:06Let's run a movie and go back to your place.
01:04:09Have you seen this one?
01:04:11You know, I investigated the mysterious death of a critic who gave it a bad review.
01:04:14We found him with two thumbs stuck at his hands.
01:04:16I can't seem to get them back together.
01:04:32I'm hungry.
01:04:35Me too.
01:04:37Want me to come out for a pizza?
01:04:40Stay in bed all day?
01:04:43Have you ever been married?
01:04:47Yeah, just once, but not for very long.
01:04:50What happened?
01:04:53There were a few problems we couldn't seem to work out.
01:04:57Like what?
01:05:03Well, if Blaine got on the southbound train,
01:05:06leaving Boston at four o'clock and I hopped on a bus,
01:05:09heading east at 55 miles an hour...
01:05:11I get the point.
01:05:12I died from eating poisoned mushrooms.
01:05:19That's interesting.
01:05:21So, what do you want on the pizza?
01:05:24Mushrooms, but just on half.
01:05:26You got it.
01:05:26Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep.
01:05:40Ha, ha, ha, ha.
01:05:42Ah, ha, ha, ha.
01:05:44Ah!
01:05:45ARGHH!
01:05:50No!
01:06:11Ow!
01:06:12Fly!
01:06:13Please!
01:06:15Oh!
01:06:16Oh!
01:06:17Oh!
01:06:18Oh!
01:06:19Oh!
01:06:20Oh!
01:06:21Oh!
01:06:22Don't make a move.
01:06:24What are you doing here?
01:06:25I'm a cop.
01:06:26My badge is in my pocket.
01:06:30That was wonderful.
01:06:32Harry?
01:06:33I love a good pizza.
01:06:34If you could call 911, I'd appreciate it.
01:06:39Will you marry me?
01:06:41The phone's on the nightstand.
01:06:42When?
01:06:43Harry?
01:06:44How about right now?
01:06:45I know a delivery man for a Chinese restaurant.
01:06:47He's also a Buddhist priest.
01:06:48Harry?
01:06:49But I don't know you, Harry.
01:06:50No, but I've got a dead wife and you've got a dead husband and we both shop at Kmart.
01:06:57So what do you say?
01:06:58I don't want to, Harry.
01:06:59Why not?
01:07:00Because I like you.
01:07:01Well, I like you too.
01:07:02I love you, Dakota.
01:07:03And I don't want to see you end up dead like everyone else in my life.
01:07:04I'll get a bulletproof vest.
01:07:05I'll get a bulletproof vest.
01:07:06You don't have to go through that much trouble, Harry.
01:07:07Tell me something.
01:07:08How much life insurance do you carry?
01:07:1010,000, 15,000 through the force.
01:07:11That's not very much.
01:07:12I can get more.
01:07:13Want a cop salary?
01:07:14I make tons of money.
01:07:15I'm on the take.
01:07:16The answer is yes, Harry.
01:07:17I'll marry you.
01:07:18This calls for a celebration.
01:07:19Do you like Chinese food?
01:07:20Love it.
01:07:21And they lived happily ever after.
01:07:22Dakota, you're so beautiful.
01:07:23I'd marry you even if you were stupid.
01:07:24Boy.
01:07:25I'm not happy.
01:07:26I'm not happy.
01:07:27I can get much.
01:07:28Tell me something.
01:07:29How much life insurance do you carry?
01:07:3010,000, 15,000 through the force.
01:07:31That's not very much.
01:07:32I can get more.
01:07:33Want a cop salary?
01:07:34I make tons of money.
01:07:35I'm on the take.
01:07:36The answer is yes, Harry.
01:07:37I'll marry you.
01:07:38This calls for a celebration.
01:07:39You like Chinese food?
01:07:40Love it.
01:07:41And they lived happily ever after.
01:07:43Dakota, you're so beautiful.
01:07:45I'd marry you even if you were stupid.
01:07:47Boy, you turn me on.
01:07:57Oh, no.
01:07:59Ow!
01:08:00Oh!
01:08:02Pain!
01:08:03You can stop any time now.
01:08:05That's fine!
01:08:07Oh, boy.
01:08:08Oh, ow.
01:08:08What's first aid for burns?
01:08:10Uh, what, butter?
01:08:12Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no!
01:08:15Okay, that's fine.
01:08:17And that's, that's good!
01:08:18If you could just, ow, with that, I'd appreciate it.
01:08:22Ah!
01:08:22Ah!
01:08:25Ah!
01:08:29Okay, everyone.
01:08:30Get them up!
01:08:32Hands only, please.
01:08:36Take a load at this one.
01:08:37Don't he look just like Harry Bates?
01:08:40Sure does.
01:08:41Go ahead, make the bed.
01:08:42You're both under arrest.
01:08:45What's the charge?
01:08:47Uh, murder.
01:08:48It doesn't look dead to me.
01:08:50What about this stiff in the other room?
01:08:52Stiff?
01:08:54In the other room?
01:08:55That's right.
01:08:56Some hysterical woman started calling 911 in the dispatch who said that there was a murder.
01:09:00And the body was right next door.
01:09:02And here we are.
01:09:03And there you are.
01:09:05Have you found the victim's wallet yet?
01:09:06Here's the suspect.
01:09:10What do you know?
01:09:12He stole Harry's wallet.
01:09:14Small world, what do you know?
01:09:16So, which one of you is a cunning little runt?
01:09:24Bates, quit clowning around and get back to work.
01:09:27Where's the victim's wallet?
01:09:28Bates, you're out of uniform, mister.
01:09:40I woulda kick your ass.
01:09:42Oh, I've got a bit.
01:09:49You'll have to come with me, miss.
01:09:51Where?
01:09:52We're gonna take you downtown.
01:09:53Gonna ask you a few questions.
01:09:56Do you get along with your mother?
01:09:57She died in a fiery plane crash.
01:10:00Oh, boy.
01:10:02Harry, I don't want to go downtown.
01:10:05Well, you have to, miss.
01:10:06I'll go with you.
01:10:07Oh, thank you, Harry.
01:10:09I gotta be at work anyway.
01:10:11One out of 12.
01:10:12See the fat man in the miniskirt?
01:10:14Careful.
01:10:15After the bars closed,
01:10:16the captain decided it was time to take Dakota in.
01:10:24She cooperated fully with the investigation.
01:10:37No smoking in the interrogation.
01:10:58No smoking in the interrogation.
01:11:06So, what are you gonna do?
01:11:10Arrest me for smoking?
01:11:13Want a hit?
01:11:15Yeah, it makes me hungry.
01:11:18Too bad.
01:11:20Did you kill...
01:11:22Hey, that's pretty good.
01:11:35I can get you some.
01:11:37So, did you kill that guy...
01:11:39That dead guy at the crime scene?
01:11:42What was his name?
01:11:45Did somebody write down his name?
01:11:48Monday wrote it down.
01:11:49Did you kill that guy at the crime scene, the dead one?
01:11:58What was his name?
01:11:59Did somebody get his name?
01:12:00Somebody write his name down?
01:12:01No.
01:12:01No.
01:12:01No.
01:12:02No.
01:12:02No.
01:12:03No.
01:12:03No.
01:12:04No.
01:12:05No.
01:12:06No.
01:12:07No.
01:12:08No.
01:12:09No.
01:12:10No.
01:12:11No.
01:12:12No.
01:12:13Daily.
01:12:14Others say something.
01:12:15No.
01:12:16No.
01:12:17No.
01:12:18No.
01:12:19No.
01:12:20No.
01:12:21No.
01:12:22No.
01:12:23No.
01:12:24No.
01:12:25No.
01:12:26No.
01:12:27No.
01:12:28No.
01:12:29No.
01:12:31I just can't take it anymore!
01:12:41I tried to squeeze off a few rounds, but someone was kidnapping Dakota.
01:12:44Wait! Come back!
01:12:45After the last parade shootout, Internal Affairs told me not to kill any more bystanders.
01:12:49So I took off after her. Yeah, him. Her.
01:12:52Oh, whatever.
01:13:01Yeah, you want to watch, Frank? But watch this!
01:13:29Mom?
01:13:31Harry!
01:13:32What are you doing here? Do you know what kind of place this is?
01:13:35What if Dad finds out?
01:13:37Harry, there's something we both wanted to tell you for a long time.
01:13:42Harry, your father's gay.
01:13:45Come on, Mom. Let's go.
01:13:47Ooh.
01:13:48Two chicks.
01:13:56Sis?
01:13:57Harry, what are you doing here?
01:14:00Mrs. Landers, my third grade teacher?
01:14:08Amen!
01:14:09I had no motive, no suspect, and the dead bodies were piling up like presto logs.
01:14:18Another one. They were everywhere.
01:14:22And all I had for my efforts was a splitting headache and the knowledge that I, too, came from a dysfunctional family.
01:14:39Hmm. Is that why I'm still with the bed?
01:14:43Dakota.
01:14:44Dakota.
01:14:45Oh, Dakota. Half man, half...
01:14:46Well, actually, all men in a dress.
01:14:49We kissed.
01:14:50Ugh.
01:14:51I hope Dakota was okay.
01:14:52Well, I didn't really care what happened to Dakota.
01:14:54In fact, I hope the kidnappers poked him in the head with a sharp stick.
01:14:57I was getting sick again. I had to stop the car.
01:15:07Get back in here if you ever want to see Dakota alive again.
01:15:12I can't hear you.
01:15:14I said get back in here if you ever want to-
01:15:16Not listening. Can't hear you. Not listening. Can't hear a thing. No.
01:15:20I missed you, Harry.
01:15:29Look at me, Harry.
01:15:34How do I know it's real?
01:15:37That's what it's all about, Harry.
01:15:41When we were little kids, Dakota used to steal my dolls.
01:15:45And then when we got older, he started stealing my clothes, purses, shoes, makeup, my boyfriends, even my husband.
01:16:00And then when he stole you, Harry, what was a girl to do?
01:16:05You didn't kill him.
01:16:06No, but I wanted to.
01:16:09I cut his credit cards and happened, messed up his hair.
01:16:13And then I let him go in the woman's department at K-Mart.
01:16:15No.
01:16:17I'll take you to him if you want me to.
01:16:19Me too.
01:16:49He said hello.
01:16:50He says hello.
01:16:51He's a girl.
01:16:52No, he's a girl.
01:16:53I want you to get a girl.
01:16:55I want you to get a girl.
01:16:56All right.
01:16:57I want you to get a girl.
01:16:58I want you to get a girl.
01:16:59No.
01:17:00No, no.
01:17:02Thank you for holding her little girl.
01:17:04No.
01:17:06Now, let us examine the mating ritual of the North American heterosexual.
01:17:11sex door. It begins with chase, followed by a series of leaps and bounds, culminating
01:17:22in the mediocre impression of a modern airplane. Truly a wondrous sight to behold.
01:17:35Would you like some wine? I would love some wine. What kind is it?
01:17:39Uh, red? I meant what? I forget it. How about some lobster? What about your diet? Forget the diet, huh?
01:17:49Oh, I just wanted to tell you. You know, Harry, I've really never seen you eat before. You know, being with you, I'm happy. I can be myself. I don't have to hold anything back. You know, it's all because of you.
01:18:06Well, you know, Harry, I'm really not the easiest person in the world to get along with. Oh, sure you are. Could you pass me that coal saw, please?
01:18:15You know, I'm the type of woman who gets upset over the slightest little things. Oh.
01:18:21Would you like some watermelon, Harry?
01:18:24Oh, look, a squirrel.
01:18:26Oh, look, a squirrel.
01:18:38Oh, my God.
01:18:47Oh, God.
01:18:48Oh, God.
01:19:23Okay, I'll be right back.
01:19:33What?
01:19:39I'm off to join the Merchant Marines.
01:19:43A shot rang out.
01:19:45But the producers were out of money, so it wasn't very convincing.
01:19:48Look what I got you from the store, Angel Kims.
01:19:55What was that noise?
01:20:07Gunshots.
01:20:08Gunshots.
01:20:09Mm-hmm.
01:20:12My dog shot these two women.
01:20:15How awful.
01:20:16Yeah.
01:20:17What's your name?
01:20:18Harry.
01:20:19Harry, I'm a producer.
01:20:20I make movies, but not for HBO.
01:20:23Oh.
01:20:24Maybe you've heard of them.
01:20:25Drive-Thru Slaughter.
01:20:26Yeah.
01:20:27Two Ways to Leave Your Lover.
01:20:28The story of Ted Bundy.
01:20:29Yeah.
01:20:30And my triumph, Midwife Crisis.
01:20:32Oh, I love that one.
01:20:33It was a 3D spectacular.
01:20:34I know, I know.
01:20:36But enough about me.
01:20:37Let's talk about you and your future.
01:20:39I walk in here.
01:20:40You're tied to the bed.
01:20:42There's bodies on the bed.
01:20:43True.
01:20:44And a homicidal pet.
01:20:45Got me there.
01:20:46I'll give you $500,000 for your life story, Harry, right now.
01:20:50Great.
01:20:51Could you untie me first?
01:20:54For he's a jolly good fellow.
01:20:56For he's a jolly good fellow.
01:20:59For he's a jolly good fellow.
01:21:01For he's a jolly good fellow.
01:21:05What are you gonna do with your money, Harry?
01:21:07Well, it was a difficult decision to make.
01:21:09On the one hand, Montana needs a very expensive brain surgery
01:21:13to be like the way she was before she got shot in the head.
01:21:15But it's been a long time since I've taken a vacation.
01:21:18So tomorrow, we're flying off to see the running of the bulls.
01:21:45The World of Warfare
01:21:54Whoa, thirty seconds.
01:21:55New record.
01:21:57Where you going?
01:21:58I thought I would make us something to eat.
01:22:00Is everything okay?
01:22:30What are you doing here?
01:22:51Dakota, it's Harry.
01:22:53Are you there?
01:22:54Pick up the phone.
01:22:56You freak.
01:22:57Anyway, I'm Mary Montana.
01:22:59But you know something, Dakota?
01:23:01Whenever I think about you and those special times we had, I just want to...
01:23:06Oh, Montana.
01:23:20I've looked all my life for someone like you, and you're finally right next to me.
01:23:26It's like a dream come true.
01:23:27I'm finally off to join the Merchant Marines.
01:23:39Montana, what a hairy back you have.
01:23:42Oh, no!
01:23:48No!
01:23:49Don't worry.
01:23:51That's my service revolver.
01:23:52I never keep it loaded.
01:23:58Oops.
01:24:01Harry, it's me, Dave.
01:24:03I've got great news.
01:24:04I know you're in here.
01:24:11Doc!
01:24:12Yeah, I brought you a housewarming gift.
01:24:15I'm really happy for you, Harry.
01:24:17I thought you were dead.
01:24:19Yeah, so did Siskel and Ebert.
01:24:21But after we became partners, I went out and bought myself a bulletproof vest.
01:24:24I'm with Internal Affairs.
01:24:26We thought you were dirty, Harry.
01:24:28Can we get back to the killer?
01:24:29You were a prime suspect, Harry.
01:24:31Who would have thought the killer was a psychotic, love-obsessed transvestite fixated on you?
01:24:36You haven't seen anyone around here matching that description, have you?
01:24:40Like the captain?
01:24:41Yeah, he's okay.
01:24:42Drinks a little too much, but all in all a good cop.
01:24:44Why do you ask?
01:24:45Because he's standing right behind you in a miniskirt.
01:24:52Hello, dear.
01:24:54Please tell me you're undercover.
01:24:55Goodbye, dear.
01:24:57So, uh, how do you like the neighborhood?
01:25:02It's okay, a little quiet.
01:25:05Look through panty liners!
01:25:09Thirsty, Captain!
01:25:24Is that man dead?
01:25:27Wow, is this your car?
01:25:53Hey, go ahead.
01:25:57You drive.
01:25:58Really?
01:25:58You know, uh, I was just thinking, how would you look in a blonde wig, Dick?
01:26:12You know, Dakota left some of her dresses over at my apartment.
01:26:14You're about the, uh, same size.
01:26:16Why don't you, you know, come on by and try them on?
01:26:18I mean, you know, we've got time to go.
01:26:19What are you talking about?
01:26:21What are you kidding?
01:26:21Those legs are gorgeous.
01:26:22Take your hand off my knee.
01:26:24Hey.
01:26:24Emergency.
01:26:25Emergency.
01:26:26Officer needs assistance.
01:26:28Tell them to bring more handcuffs.
01:26:29Get out.
01:26:30Pull over right now and get out of my car.
01:26:32Gee, I don't have a rejection very well, Dick.
01:26:34Just get out of my car.
01:26:35The car's moving, Dick.
01:26:37Great.
01:26:37Get out anyway.
01:26:38Here, I'll get the door for you.
01:26:40You know, I'm detecting a lot of hostility.
01:26:41You should get in touch with your feminine side.
01:26:43I'll give you something to get in touch with.
01:26:45Let me show you a new choke hold.
01:26:47Stop it.
01:26:48You look cold.
01:26:49How about a traffic flare up your ass?
01:26:52Oh!
01:26:54Gee, you haven't used my taser in a while.
01:26:56Y-yow!
01:26:57Oh, your breath reeks.
01:26:59Look, pepper spray.
01:27:00My eyes, my eyes.
01:27:02Seen the new hollow points?
01:27:05All right, I'm pulling over.
01:27:06I'm pulling over.
01:27:07I'm getting out, okay?
01:27:10Hey, get out of my car!
01:27:24What are you doing?
01:27:27Do you hear me?
01:27:28Get out of my car!
01:27:30Go on!
01:27:31Get out of here!
01:27:35Get out!
01:27:36Go on!
01:27:40Montana's premonition fell a little short.
01:27:48Nonetheless, Dionne Warwick asked her to join the Psychic Friends Network.
01:27:51I'm feeling cold Gerade for me.
01:27:52Give me some fun joj.
01:27:55I'm feeling cold.
01:27:57I'm feeling cold.
01:28:11I'll pack again for you.
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