- 6/14/2025
Super Close TV Watching: The trio decide to join a league when Horace demonstrates his professional soccer skills.
Alfe’s Gonna Run Away: After being disciplined by Roba and Horace too many times, Alfe decides to leave the gang in search of more 'awesome' places.
Alfe’s Gonna Run Away: After being disciplined by Roba and Horace too many times, Alfe decides to leave the gang in search of more 'awesome' places.
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TVTranscript
00:00I win! I win!
00:08Okay, Horace, now it's you versus me.
00:11Who can watch TV closest and not blink?
00:13I'm gonna win this one!
00:14Dude, not everything's about winning.
00:16I'm gonna go outside and play something fun and healthy.
00:22Look at that loser!
00:24Loser! Soccer stinks!
00:26Our TV game was so much healthier!
00:28And more fun!
00:30Wait, whoa!
00:31That was cool!
00:32I mean, not cool!
00:35Yeah! Oh, I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
00:38I mean, yeah, yeah!
00:41His outfit is so stylish!
00:43Stylish!
00:45Stinky!
00:46Right, right, stinky, stinky!
00:47I mean, it's pretty stinky, but I might get a soccer uniform just like that and wear it every day, but just as a joke.
00:55If you did that joke, would you play soccer with me?
00:58Um, no?
01:00Right!
01:01Because soccer stinks!
01:03Oh, wow!
01:05Horse!
01:06Horse!
01:06Horse!
01:07Horse!
01:07Horse!
01:07Horse!
01:07Horse!
01:08We love soccer now!
01:10We want to play!
01:10We want to play!
01:11I tell you guys every year, join the soccer league!
01:16Yeah, totally!
01:17Yeah, totally!
01:18No, really, you should join it.
01:19Registration closes in like an hour.
01:25First day of practices!
01:27You guys get on good teams?
01:28I'm on the Zoot-eam!
01:31Zoot-eam?
01:32Yeah, I can't wait to meet all my new teammates and then make other teams cry, because we beat them!
01:37Winning's not everything!
01:39Horace, I think I actually got on a cool team, so I can't be seen with losers who have cereal stuck in their teeth from breakfast, like you!
01:46Uh, oh, thanks!
01:48See?
01:49Telling me it was good sportsmanship!
01:50No, it wasn't!
01:51Bye!
01:52Okay, I'm on the Vicious Strikers.
01:54Wait, what?
01:56This isn't a cool team, it's a girl team!
01:59Yeah, this year mostly girls signed up, except for one boy.
02:02Roba, that must be you.
02:04Come on, we're warming up!
02:05Oh, no, I can't do this.
02:07I mean, I got a lot of identity issues, as it is.
02:10Look, I dress like a robot!
02:11Wait, those are our uniforms?
02:14Me and turquoise?
02:15And hot gray?
02:17I am on a cool team!
02:18Yeah, aren't they cool?
02:20Coach, meet the newest Vicious Strikers!
02:23Me!
02:24Okay, Zoot Team!
02:26Zoot Team!
02:29Oh!
02:30Zoot Team!
02:33Hey, are you Alfe?
02:35Yeah!
02:36You cool playing with a deadly lion?
02:43Uh, yeah, this is gonna work.
02:45We're gonna make a lot of teams cry.
02:50Welcome to another season of Barber League Soccer!
02:53I'm joined by our soccer expert, Tux Dog!
02:56Tux, this will be an exciting season, will it not?
02:59Yes, I think you're right.
03:01The Warriors take the field and, ooh, immediately go down by a point.
03:08Tux Dog, answer me this.
03:10You're a dog.
03:11Where do you go to the bathroom?
03:13Hmm?
03:13Does someone walk you?
03:15Actually, no.
03:16No, I...
03:16Tell you what, if I was a dog, I'd go on the rug.
03:19I'd wipe on it, too, if you know what I mean.
03:21And look at that!
03:22The Warriors lose their first game.
03:26The rain has made the field very muddy today, but these girls are one of the toughest teams.
03:31Time out!
03:32I lost my shoe!
03:33Now my outfit doesn't look cool!
03:35Despite Robo losing his shoe 13 times, the vicious strikers win!
03:43I love the zoo team.
03:44I think they're going to go all the way to the championship.
03:47They will, if Alfay makes this penalty shot.
03:51Alfay places the ball just how he likes it.
03:54Tux, I brought you a bone to eat because you're a dog.
03:57Hmm, thank you.
03:59Are you gonna, like, lick it or crunch it?
04:02I mean, how do dogs really eat a bone?
04:04Oh, Alfay takes the shot and...
04:07Goal!
04:08The zoo team will go to the finals!
04:10Now it's come down to the Warriors versus the vicious strikers to see who will face the zoo team in the championship.
04:18Oh, we're seeing some excellent passing.
04:21Tux has a dog.
04:22Would you say your main motive in life is to eat a whole cat just in one chomp?
04:27Yes!
04:27Fascinating.
04:28And we watch as Forrest attempts one final shot on the goal.
04:31Oh!
04:33It's wide!
04:34The referee blew the final whistle.
04:37That's it.
04:37Game over!
04:39The vicious strikers win!
04:41Join us next week for the championship.
04:43The zoo team versus the vicious strikers.
04:50Soccer!
04:51Soccer!
04:52Soccer!
04:52Soccer!
04:52Soccer!
04:52Soccer!
04:53Soccer!
04:53Soccer!
04:53Soccer!
04:54Yeah, soccer.
04:55Oh, wait.
04:56Are you sad because your season's over?
04:58No.
04:58Me and my team had outstanding sportsmanship this year.
05:01And that's all that matters.
05:02Yeah, but it must stink not being in the final game.
05:05Winning's not everything.
05:06You know, Horace, I finally get that saying.
05:09For you, winning isn't everything.
05:10Winning is nothing.
05:12Because you're nothing.
05:14And you're not important now.
05:15Hey.
05:16No, no, no, no.
05:17Alpha, hey.
05:17He made Horace cry a little.
05:19Oh, I am so sorry.
05:21I forgot your team lost and came in third place.
05:25So, Roba, you and me, let's not remind him of that, okay?
05:28Okay.
05:29Let's just very quietly have a party!
05:34Yeah!
05:35Women party!
05:36Women party!
05:40Wow, look how much fun Roba and Alpha are having.
05:44Even though their teams are playing each other next week and they should be practicing.
05:47They're so happy because they won.
05:49Maybe I was wrong about winning.
05:51Maybe I was wrong about everything.
05:53Maybe I should get a normal haircut in an office chair, go work in a cubicle.
05:58I'll probably have to try coffee, but I'll have lots of milk to it because coffee tastes
06:05yucky.
06:05Huh, problem solved.
06:08Hello?
06:10Oh, oh, really?
06:11Thank you, thank you.
06:13Okay, bye.
06:14Hey, hey, who was that?
06:16Losers Illustrated.
06:18They want you to be in the swimsuit issue of the losers issue.
06:21No, it was the league.
06:23They just informed me, due to my outstanding sportsmanship, they've made me head referee
06:28of your final game.
06:30So you will be in the final game.
06:32And you will be very important.
06:35You will basically decide who wins the game.
06:38That's right.
06:38I'm the key to winning, guys.
06:41Let me rub your back.
06:42I'll give you money.
06:43I'll rub your back, man.
06:44Let me give you money.
06:45Let me rub your back.
06:46Winning is everything to me.
06:48Guys, yet again, you're missing the point.
06:50This game will be decided on the field.
06:53Because soccer is about sportsmanship.
06:55And I've always said winning isn't everything.
06:56And look, I'm the referee now.
06:58So I'm right and you're wrong.
07:00Oh, and coffee is yucky, no matter how much milk you put in it.
07:09Welcome, everyone, to the Farborough Soccer League Championships.
07:13I'm joined by none other than our Tux dog.
07:16Now, Tux, sit, stay, stay.
07:19Now roll over.
07:21Give me your paw.
07:22Oh, look at that, ladies and gentlemen.
07:24He's shaking my hand.
07:25The players are taking the field.
07:28Our referee today will be Horace.
07:29Let's have a clean, fair game, everybody.
07:33And there's the whistle.
07:35Alfei dribbles the ball forward.
07:37And any of the vicious strikers takes him down.
07:42Oh, he looks really hurt.
07:44Ow, ow, ow.
07:48Alfei, Alfei, stay there.
07:50I'll get a stretcher.
07:51This is a very unfortunate turn of luck for the zoo team.
07:55No, wait.
07:56I have to play for my team.
07:59For the game.
08:01Because it's about playing, not winning.
08:04Wow, man.
08:05That's some great sportsmanship.
08:07What's this?
08:08Annie has gone over and she's shaking hands with Alfei.
08:11Alfei is getting up.
08:13Oh, it looks like he's going back into the game.
08:15That's the spirit.
08:17Wow.
08:17Oh, the referee sets up the ball for the free kick.
08:21Guys, guys, I got this one.
08:23It's for the team.
08:24It's for the game.
08:26Alfei lines up and...
08:28Alfei!
08:30Alfei!
08:36Oh, he'll probably get a yellow card for that.
08:39Soccer fun!
08:40Doc's dog, you're a dog.
08:53Have you ever seen...
08:54That's right.
08:55I'm a dog.
08:56We get it.
08:57Ruff, ruff.
08:58Okay.
08:59But the one thing I would like to point out is that you, sir, are a lizard.
09:04He's right.
09:05This game is a double forfeit.
09:22Both teams are disqualified for poor sportsmanship.
09:25Which means that the championship automatically goes to the third place team, the Warriors.
09:32Winning party, winning party, winning, winning.
09:35Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
09:38Us three know that this is textbook wicked fair.
09:41Yep.
09:41It's wicked not fair, Horace.
09:43It's wicked not fair.
09:45Yeah.
09:46You guys are actually totally right.
09:48There's only one way to crown this season's true champion.
09:52And I think we all know what it is.
09:54Is it finding that little girl Alfei kicked?
09:56Because she is.
09:57And I think she's in the other town or something.
09:58Roba, then that's a job for that town's problem solvers.
10:02What I'm going to need you to do is get your game face on.
10:05Okay, that was a tie.
10:13That was a tie.
10:14Roba, Roba, you and me.
10:15Roba, Roba.
10:16Let's do this.
10:17Let's do this.
10:18Can't be.
10:18I can't.
10:19My eyes are tired.
10:20I can't even see.
10:22It hurts to look.
10:23Okay, Alfei.
10:24You and me.
10:25Put it on the commercial channel.
10:27Put it on the commercial channel.
10:29Make it extra bright.
10:30Let's do this.
10:31Well, Mr. Lizard, wouldn't you say this is quite an unexpected left turn for our season?
10:40It is.
10:41But I think Horace's eyes are clearly the favorite in this game.
10:45As a lizard, are you part dinosaur?
10:47Because you look like...
10:48Dinosaur-y.
10:49Yeah.
10:50I kind of am part dinosaur.
10:51Hey, Mr. Basil.
10:57Feeling a little brown?
10:58Looks like you could use some water.
11:00This is parsley.
11:02Looking lovely.
11:03I love my herb garden.
11:05It's kind of hard to eat you all.
11:06Happy birthday, Roba.
11:09It's your birthday.
11:10So I sing you this birthday song.
11:13Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday.
11:16My birthday was three months ago.
11:17Yeah, I was busy or something, but ready for the coolest gift anyone's ever got you?
11:24Ta-da!
11:25I made a giant Roba sculpture.
11:28Wait, what?
11:29That's supposed to be me?
11:30You think that's what I look like?
11:32Well, you don't look as good as this masterpiece, but it does represent you.
11:36So, happy birthday.
11:38I love you.
11:40Masterpiece.
11:41Oh, oh, oh no, oh no.
11:42Wait, look out.
11:43You destroyed my herb garden, which was my one birthday present from Horace.
11:51Sorry, I thought it would be awesome if I...
11:53Awesome would have been if you had gotten me something nice and not made me an ugly mud sculpture.
11:59Get out of my face, Alfie.
12:00You and your awesome selfishness have done enough damage for one day.
12:05Fine.
12:06I'll get out of your face.
12:08Actually, I'll get out of here completely.
12:10Finally, I'll hit the streets, find people who appreciate my awesomeness.
12:15Yeah, that's right.
12:16You heard right.
12:18Alfie's running away.
12:20Bye, Roba.
12:22Bye-bye.
12:23Bye.
12:26Bye.
12:28Alfie, are you saying something?
12:30I can't hear you, because I got your mud stuck in my ears.
12:34I'm running away.
12:37I'm running away.
12:42I'm running away.
12:43I'm running away.
12:47What the...
12:52Roba, what happened to your garden?
12:55Alfie destroyed it!
12:57Calm down, calm down.
12:58I think I see him out there.
13:00I'll go talk to him.
13:01Hey, Alfie.
13:03Alfie.
13:03It's nice that you're trying to dig out Roba's herbs from under that mud.
13:07But, you know, what happened was really bad.
13:09I mean, you gotta think of other people, Alfie.
13:12That's right.
13:13Totally.
13:14You totally get what I'm saying.
13:16Like that pizza oven over there you started without my permission.
13:19You gotta think about other people's needs, too.
13:21You got it?
13:23Yeah.
13:24Yes.
13:25Yes, exactly.
13:26Thank you, man.
13:27Dinner will be ready in 20 minutes.
13:29I'll come out and get you.
13:31Hey, Mr. Dog, have you heard the word?
13:45Alfie's run away, and I'm gonna do some cool stuff.
13:49Run away.
13:52Alfie's gonna...
13:53Um, I'm sorry.
13:55Could you please not sing to my dog, please?
13:57Uh, dogs love music.
13:58Well, mine doesn't.
14:00That's impossible.
14:02Wait.
14:02You know what?
14:04I just realized what I was doing wrong my whole life.
14:07And that is living with humans.
14:09I'm gonna go back to my animal roots.
14:11See ya.
14:14Ha ha!
14:15It's the Possum Solvers!
14:18Possum Solvers is taken for a live studio audience in Burbank, California.
14:21Hey, everybody.
14:21I live with Possums now.
14:26Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.
14:28I hate you!
14:29Um, horse Possum.
14:31Can we, like, move to a normal human house with, like, a TV?
14:35No.
14:37Hate you.
14:38I'm gonna put you in a trap later.
14:42Irrella the Possum.
14:43Are you done cooking our dinner pizza?
14:46Yes.
14:49What?
14:49This isn't pizza.
14:51It's just a pile of acorns.
14:52And trash.
14:53And wood chips.
14:54Cut!
14:55Cut!
14:56Hey, I assumed that we'd have real pizza.
14:59I can't work under these conditions.
15:01I'm running away!
15:02Hey, have you seen Alfay?
15:12I wanna see if he wants this T-shirt.
15:14I'm still really mad at him, but this would be the perfect T-shirt for him to wear.
15:19Yeah, I think he's in the bathroom.
15:22Actually, he's been in there for, like, an hour.
15:24Hey.
15:25Hey, Alfay.
15:26You okay?
15:29Hey, Alfay.
15:30What's the matter?
15:31Are you going to the bathroom?
15:33Gross.
15:34Going to the bathroom is embarrassing.
15:38Okay.
15:39Sorry.
15:39Sorry.
15:40Sorry.
15:40Look, we're not trying to make fun of you.
15:42It's been a rough day for everybody.
15:44Maybe you are going to the bathroom.
15:46Maybe you need more toilet paper.
15:48Mm-hmm.
15:50Hey, uh, we'll be in the kitchen.
15:52Let's hang out later, okay?
15:56Ugh.
15:57I thought living with animals would be awesome.
15:59But it wasn't.
16:00So my search continues.
16:02Maybe it's time I searched inward.
16:05Because maybe I am insensitive.
16:09Hmm.
16:09Maybe if I stop acting bad, something good will come into my life.
16:12Mommy, mommy.
16:14Mommy, mommy, look at this adorable cute teddy bear.
16:17Let's take him home to our mansion and we'll treat him like a king.
16:20Hey, inner thoughts, you were way off.
16:23Just be careful.
16:24No.
16:25This is awesome.
16:26Come on, let's go.
16:28Would you like some more tea?
16:31Um, can I get back into the tea party?
16:33No, Meredith.
16:34You were bad.
16:35You killed three of our guests, Meredith.
16:37It's Alfie, not Meredith.
16:39Quiet, Meredith.
16:41You know what?
16:43You little girls are all alike.
16:45First, you make me hang out with your annoying friends.
16:47Ugh.
16:47Amy was nice.
16:49Really?
16:50Because she talked too much.
16:53That's it.
16:54I'm running away.
16:55Bye.
16:55Hi, I'm, uh, friends with your daughter.
17:04Do you have any pizza?
17:05Because I have to go and I'm hungry.
17:07I'm calling the police.
17:09The pizza police?
17:10Or the regular police?
17:11Regular.
17:13Fair enough.
17:14Bye-bye.
17:14Bye-bye.
17:17Stay at home.
17:20Robo likes to stay at home.
17:23The outside world, it scares me.
17:27I don't like to leave.
17:30Oh, hey, Oris.
17:31Alfie made a big mess in the bathroom.
17:34There's like fish heads, empty beehives.
17:37Mm-hmm.
17:37I think he's acting out again.
17:38You should maybe go have a talk with him.
17:40Where is he?
17:41He's in his bedroom.
17:44Hey, Alfie.
17:45Are you awake?
17:47Oh, good.
17:48Yeah, look.
17:49I know we've accused you of acting bad lately
17:51and how the bathroom's a total mess.
17:54So I just wanted to say
17:55that I think when you act bad,
17:58it's awesome.
17:59It's so cool.
18:00Because secretly,
18:00I wish I could be bad.
18:02I mean,
18:03okay, I've never told this to anybody.
18:05But remember last year?
18:07The problem with the missing diamonds?
18:09Well,
18:10that was me.
18:11Uh-huh.
18:12I just wanted to see
18:14what it would feel like
18:15to act bad.
18:16And, uh,
18:17all those diamonds smelled so good,
18:18but bad.
18:19And then I felt really bad,
18:21so I returned the diamonds.
18:24Oh,
18:25it feels so good
18:26to tell this to someone, man.
18:28So look,
18:29I like how you act bad,
18:31but you gotta know
18:31when to act bad.
18:33So how about tomorrow night,
18:34me and you
18:35go slimeball some cows.
18:37All right, dude?
18:39Ah,
18:39I've never felt so close to you, man.
18:42Awesome.
18:43Awesome, man.
18:44See you later.
18:47Well,
18:48I've searched everywhere.
18:49It's like what I really need
18:51is a mixture of, like,
18:52a human
18:52and awesome animal
18:54to hang out with.
18:56Yo, man,
18:57you look lost.
18:58Are you okay?
18:59Please go away.
19:00I don't talk to strangers.
19:02Elfay,
19:03is that you?
19:04It's me,
19:05Alfred,
19:05your awesome half-human,
19:06half-animal dude friend.
19:08Huh?
19:08Dude!
19:10Awesome!
19:11Hey!
19:11Hey,
19:12why don't we ever hang out?
19:13Because you don't know
19:13how to use a phone, man.
19:15Hey,
19:15is that your awesome van?
19:16Yeah, man.
19:17Want to go for a ride?
19:21So,
19:22I quit my job,
19:23dedicated my life
19:24to awesomeness,
19:25and now I just drive around
19:26in this van.
19:27Oh,
19:28that's the pizza oven.
19:30Hope you're hungry for pizza.
19:31Can I stay with you
19:32forever?
19:35All right,
19:36here it is.
19:37Wait,
19:38uh,
19:38what are those toppings?
19:40Oh,
19:40it's rat.
19:41I mean,
19:41I quit my job
19:42and live in a van,
19:43man.
19:43I can't afford
19:44real pepperoni.
19:45Okay,
19:46rat pizza.
19:48I'll just give it a try.
19:52Hey,
19:53man,
19:53you puked in my van's herb garden.
19:55But it was rat.
19:56Oh,
19:56that's so un-awesome,
19:57man.
19:58But,
19:58but I...
19:58I'm out of here,
19:59man.
20:00Learn to appreciate
20:02the taste of rat.
20:03Guess I'm not awesome enough
20:05to hang out with
20:06anybody awesome,
20:07or know anybody awesome,
20:09or do anything awesome.
20:12It's official.
20:13My life is not meant
20:14to be awesome.
20:16So,
20:17I better go back
20:17to the least
20:18awesome place
20:19on earth.
20:23Alfie,
20:24you came outside.
20:26Look how awesome this is.
20:28Wait,
20:28what?
20:29The mud
20:30from your sculpture.
20:31It acted as a fertilizer,
20:33which made my herb garden
20:34grow amazing.
20:35Isn't it awesome?
20:36Yeah,
20:37and that mud you used
20:38was high quality.
20:39Good job,
20:40man.
20:40I used it to make clay bricks
20:42to finish our clay brick pizza oven.
20:44Hope you're hungry
20:45for an extra large
20:46pepperoni pizza.
20:47Get some fresh basil
20:48from my garden.
20:51Guys,
20:51this is awesome.
20:54Excited for our plans tonight?
20:56What are you talking about?
20:57You know,
20:58Alfie,
20:58I have to say,
20:59this last couple of days,
21:01I feel like you and me
21:02have had a huge breakthrough.
21:04I love you,
21:04man.
21:05Slime cow.
21:07Wink.
21:08Guys,
21:09what are you talking about?
21:10I've been gone
21:10for the last three days,
21:11living with possums.
21:13Don't you watch TV?
21:15Whoa,
21:15wait.
21:16If you've been gone
21:17for three days,
21:18then who destroyed
21:19the bathroom?
21:19Yeah,
21:20who was snuggling
21:20with me in the TV room
21:22last night?
21:22Who helped me
21:23with my homework?
21:24Who's been leaving
21:24fish and beehives
21:25in the sink
21:26to be cleaned?
21:27Who did I go skinny dipping
21:29with at the lake?
21:30Who did I just lend
21:30a hundred dollars to?
21:35A bear!
21:37You thought
21:37I was a bear!
21:39Oh,
21:39you're real good friends.
21:40Thanks a lot.
21:41What do we do?
21:42Figure it out yourself.
21:43I'm running away!
21:44I'm running away!
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