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00:00What have we got behind us here, Luke?
00:01What have we got?
00:02What haven't we got, probably?
00:04So, what are these for...?
00:05Premier League nightly wins.
00:07Is that from this year?
00:09Probably this year or last year.
00:10Yeah. How many did you get? Five this year?
00:12Four, yeah. Five.
00:14And you get a nice bonus as well, don't you, for winning the night?
00:16We can all do the maths, Luke. What's that?
00:18Whoa, five times. Whoa, you're doing all right.
00:21Nice, some nice family photos.
00:23But you can do all this.
00:25You can't pass your driving theory.
00:30Ah! What?
00:32I'm so happy for you.
00:33Whoo!
00:34I feel bad even saying it, but you're not looking at it.
00:36Oh, no!
00:39I don't want to go to space.
00:40She's a United fan.
00:42Oh, I've gone right off. There you go.
00:43Oh!
00:44Stop it.
00:45Not a great time to have pizza, is it?
00:47Oh, yeah.
00:49This is what we've tuned in for.
00:50Oh, no.
00:51Oh, tricky, yeah. Oh.
00:54Chill, chill, relax and chill.
00:55Fish bug, me!
00:57It's literally the greatest moment of my life.
01:01In the week we bid a fond farewell to Beach Boys legend Brian Wilson, we enjoyed lots of great telly.
01:09There was more happenings at the hospital on BBC One.
01:14All I'm saying is, what is the point of having a wedding if you can't cop off one of the groomsmen?
01:18What?
01:19Here you go.
01:20Have an okay, reader?
01:21Yeah.
01:22What do you think is in that bag?
01:23Croissant?
01:24Er...
01:25I reckon it's an almond croissant.
01:27A what?
01:28Almond croissant.
01:29But why did you go for almond?
01:31When you order an almond croissant, what do you say?
01:34Almond.
01:35What?
01:36Like all normal people.
01:37What do you mean, all normal people?
01:39Almond.
01:40Almond.
01:41Almond.
01:42No, shut up.
01:44It's an almond.
01:45No.
01:46I'm rubbing off on you.
01:50You're making me northern.
01:52And you're from the Midlands.
01:53Clarkson's Countryside Capers continued on Prime Video.
01:59We had now reached the middle of July.
02:02And under a canopy of blue skies, the crops appeared to be coming along nicely.
02:08I grew up on a farm.
02:10Is it, what animals did you have?
02:12We had cows, sheep.
02:15We had otters.
02:18That classic farmyard animal.
02:20I love that bit of old MacDonald had a farm.
02:22And pets were in safe hands with the Yorkshire vet on Channel 5.
02:28Good lass.
02:29It's alright.
02:30You don't need to worry.
02:33We'll look after you.
02:35My mother once had a golden retriever that used to eat dishcloths.
02:38They used to get all the way through.
02:41Oh my gosh.
02:43And out the other end.
02:44Completely undigested.
02:45And not always come out.
02:46So she would have to stand on one end of the dishcloth and throw a ball.
02:50The rest of the dishcloth.
03:01In Essex.
03:03They're lovely crisps then.
03:05I like them.
03:06Kettle chips.
03:07Those were the kettle ones.
03:08They're nice.
03:09They cook them in a kettle.
03:10Rylan and his mum Linda.
03:13So you know like your kettle.
03:14Yeah.
03:15For example.
03:16You could slice up potato.
03:17Right.
03:18They're saying the wind up.
03:19I'm telling you now mum.
03:20That's why they're called kettle chips.
03:21I'm going to try then.
03:22You slice up potato.
03:23Put it in.
03:24And.
03:25And the salt got your hands in me out.
03:26Aren't ya?
03:27Oh is that your bear's arms?
03:29I'm sorry.
03:30No.
03:31Do you know what?
03:32No.
03:33Only when you said I'm going to try it.
03:34I thought you better s*** not.
03:36You'd burn the ass though.
03:37No.
03:38On Saturday night.
03:39It was time to find out how clever some famous faces were on ITV.
03:44I'm actually getting a little bit hot now.
03:46Thinking about the fact we're going to have to try and answer this question.
03:48And I think you're going to get it.
03:50And I'm not.
03:51Because the 1% Club is not my comfort zone.
03:53How would you say your general knowledge is?
03:55Oh.
03:56Not good.
03:57No.
03:58I'll be honest.
03:59That was the answer I expected.
04:00Yeah.
04:01And you got the right answer.
04:02You just have no general knowledge.
04:03Because you don't watch the news.
04:04I do watch the news.
04:05Do you?
04:06Yeah.
04:07I always swipe to the little side like thing on my phone.
04:10I don't mean the news on your phone.
04:11I mean on the TV.
04:12Yeah.
04:13I watch you.
04:14Do you?
04:15When mum puts it on.
04:16Tonight our contestants are all professional footballers and celebrities who support SoccerAid.
04:20Why haven't they asked me to play in SoccerAid?
04:23Oh.
04:24I hate it when they do celebrity versions of stuff.
04:27It's never as good as just the normal ones.
04:30The 1% Club SoccerAid special.
04:32I normally do quite all right on this.
04:37You're good at any quiz.
04:38You are.
04:39It's time for our first question.
04:41Right.
04:42Get ready.
04:43Lock in.
04:44Lock in.
04:4590%.
04:46This is always easy.
04:47What day is it?
04:48Which of the following three pieces doesn't correctly match the image?
04:53Ooh, I like Jill Scott.
04:54I do.
04:55Easily.
04:56The ear.
04:57Hearing B.
04:58Yeah.
04:59Hearing B.
05:00Wait, the eye?
05:01No, it's not the eye.
05:02No, the earring.
05:03What doesn't match?
05:04Doesn't match.
05:05No, I think there's an extra wrinkle there and there shouldn't be.
05:10But then it...
05:11No, because of her mouth.
05:12Oh my God.
05:13I think her eye is okay.
05:14The mouth isn't.
05:15I think it's the eyebrow.
05:16No, it's B.
05:17It's A.
05:18It's B.
05:19Nobody should get this wrong.
05:23We can't be out for this one.
05:25See, that's the thing as well.
05:26They always make it easy for celebrities cos yous are all thick.
05:30I've even forgot what we did.
05:32Yeah.
05:33We was naming what we did.
05:34B.
05:35Did we do?
05:36Yeah, yeah.
05:37One out?
05:38Right, we lost one of you cos...
05:42He's a referee.
05:43Is he?
05:44Yeah.
05:45See what they say about referees, boy?
05:46You don't know what you're doing.
05:48He's the ref that's always on Sky, stands by the wrong decisions.
05:53So I'm glad he's out.
05:54It's B cos the earring is different on Jill's ear.
05:57Ooh, we got it right, B.
05:59Yes, indeed.
06:0090% of the country got that right.
06:02And you and the ref got it wrong.
06:05Let's move on to the 35% question.
06:07Oh, 35, mate.
06:08Oh, no.
06:09Get on your game.
06:10This is gonna be hard.
06:11Ooh, trickier, ooh.
06:13Which Premier League football team is this rhyming code for?
06:16Nest Jam.
06:18Nest Jam.
06:19It's not West Ham, is it?
06:21Ah!
06:22He's on it!
06:23He's on it!
06:24It's West Ham!
06:25West Ham.
06:26Why is it West Ham?
06:27Nest Jam.
06:29Bird's Nest Jam Jam, yeah?
06:31Bird's Nest Jam Jam.
06:34Come on.
06:35Tottenham.
06:36Nespot.
06:37Tottenham.
06:38Tottenham.
06:39No, it's a rhyming.
06:40West Ham jam.
06:41Premier League football, West Ham.
06:43Nest.
06:44West Ham, Liverpool,
06:47I don't know all the teams.
06:48Arsenal,
06:49er, Brentford.
06:50Nest Jam, Nest Jam.
06:51No, don't say Nest Jam.
06:52You said Nest Jam 17 times now.
06:54It's not helping.
06:55West Ham!
06:56West Ham!
06:57What?
06:58Nest, you've been Villa.
07:00Er, no idea.
07:01Nest Jam.
07:02Nest Jam.
07:03Nest Jam.
07:04West Jam.
07:05West Ham.
07:06West Ham.
07:07West Ham.
07:08West Ham rhymes with Nest Jam.
07:10I can't believe you actually got that right.
07:12That's fucking unbelievable.
07:14Mmm.
07:15I'm not going to lie.
07:16That was very quick from me.
07:17I'm quite proud of that.
07:18Nest Jam!
07:19And, yeah, if you say quick and...
07:20Ooh, ooh, ooh, Nest Jam!
07:22I don't know their chant.
07:24Also, yeah, you've never been to a football game.
07:26Ooh, ooh, ooh, West Ham!
07:29It's time for the 30% question.
07:31Come on, Perry.
07:32Head in the game.
07:3330% question.
07:35What does that even mean?
07:37Which England footballer is spelt out in this code below?
07:40Oh, no.
07:41Eh?
07:42How am I supposed to know hieroglyphics?
07:44I used to know them.
07:45I used to learn them.
07:46I used to have a hieroglyphics bookmark on papyrus.
07:52What?
07:53They've got to be Roman letters or something.
07:55Snake eye bird wave.
07:57Whale comb eye foot wings.
08:00Wait, let me concentrate.
08:02Oh, er...
08:04It's got Frank Kirby, I think.
08:06I think one of us has to just gamble.
08:07You have to go somewhere and I'll go somewhere.
08:09Otherwise, we're both out.
08:13Hey, Mary Earps.
08:14I'm going to go Frank Kirby.
08:16It's Frank Kirby.
08:17Because the second letter of the first name
08:19and the third letter of the last name
08:21are the same in Fran and Kirby.
08:24Makes no sense.
08:25Absolutely not.
08:26I think I'm using a pass.
08:27Definitely use my pass.
08:28Let's see who got it right.
08:30Everyone's going to be out.
08:31This is going to separate the wheat from the chaff.
08:33I'll tell you that for now.
08:36Oh, and they're just ticking them off.
08:39Well, and me.
08:40No, because we used a pass.
08:41Fifteen out!
08:42That's a lot of people like...
08:43Yeah, I think there's a lot of people like me going, what?
08:45It's Frank Kirby.
08:46It's Frank Kirby.
08:47The only symbol that is repeated
08:48represents the second letter of the first name
08:50and the third letter of the second name.
08:52Mmm!
08:54Mmm!
08:55Well, you need to go on there.
08:56Is that your most clever now?
08:58100,000...
08:59No, absolutely not.
09:00You took a guess and I took a guess.
09:02Strategically, we played for each other there
09:04because we took a punt each.
09:05After whittling down the sports stars and celebrities
09:07here in the studio,
09:08we are left with the 1% question.
09:10This is it.
09:11Right, deals, come on.
09:12The 1% question,
09:13because you've never watched this before.
09:14Yeah, good luck, first of all.
09:16Erm, it's basically impossible.
09:18Yeah.
09:19So, I can't point to where as hard this is going to be.
09:23In the opening verse
09:24to the original version of Three Lions,
09:26what two words feature
09:28exactly three times in the lyrics?
09:31Three Lions...
09:32Lamb, please don't.
09:33They've seen it all before
09:36They just know
09:37They're so sure
09:41Is it it?
09:42It?
09:43It?
09:44It?
09:45It?
09:46It?
09:47It?
09:48It?
09:49It?
09:50It?
09:51It?
09:52So it it and no?
09:53No.
09:54It and no.
09:55England is going to throw and blow it away, but no.
09:57So no.
09:58Is it no?
09:59I don't know.
10:02Oh, this game's stressing me out.
10:04Three no's, it's no and it!
10:05No and it!
10:06Yeah, there's three no's.
10:07No and it.
10:08No and it.
10:09No and it.
10:10It and no.
10:11It and no.
10:12It and no.
10:13That's what I said.
10:14I said no, did I?
10:15Yeah, you said no.
10:16No and it!
10:17No and it!
10:18No and it!
10:19Yeah!
10:20It's literally the greatest moment of my life!
10:25Why they asked you on then?
10:27I can't believe it.
10:28And they all thought I was dopey.
10:30Yeah?
10:31Yeah.
10:32But why did we get it right?
10:33Because you're fucking intelligent.
10:35You're answering things right and you just do it automatically.
10:38Yeah.
10:39Yeah.
10:40Without thought.
10:41Since you start thinking.
10:42I do everything without thought.
10:43I mean there's nothing worse than fucking thinking is there?
10:46Yeah.
10:48In West London.
10:49You know I was supposed to be a doctor.
10:51Is that like your biggest flex?
10:52No it's not flex, I'm just saying.
10:54It's a proper job with proper money and proper prospects and you would enjoy it.
10:58Krishna and his daughter Jasmine.
11:01Your mum said your job isn't a proper job.
11:03Well my job isn't a proper job, she's right.
11:05Okay so you can't look down on me if I don't have a proper job because you don't have a proper job.
11:09But you literally don't have a proper job.
11:11Because I'm 19.
11:12At least I've got a job that isn't a proper job.
11:13Because I'm 19.
11:14No I know.
11:15But I don't know what you're going to do.
11:16I'll be fine.
11:17I know you'll be fine.
11:18On Tuesday night we were back in the Dales checking in on our furry friends on Channel 5.
11:24You've got the biggest fly on your face.
11:26Ooh!
11:27Get it off!
11:28I've never seen the Yorkshire vet.
11:29Do you watch it?
11:30No I've not watched it but I think the vets is about animals isn't it?
11:33Yeah.
11:34Someone's getting it put down today innit?
11:35I hope not but it is.
11:38In the heart of glorious North Yorkshire, just outside the historic market town of Thirsk, sits Stony Brough Farm.
11:46Have you heard of All Creatures Great and Small?
11:47No.
11:48I mean this is like the real life All Creatures Great and Small.
11:50What's that?
11:51All my family's from Yorkshire bar me who's Lancastrian yeah.
11:54Mum and Dad are Yorkshire.
11:55Grandparents Yorkshire.
11:56The real life Battle of the Roses.
11:58I bet they have random animals these days come in don't they?
12:04Rants a vets yeah?
12:05Yeah not just dogs I bet they have hamsters.
12:09Rants a vets.
12:10Yeah?
12:11Rants a vets.
12:12Rants a vets.
12:13Matt's latest exotic patient at the first practice.
12:16Oh what are they taking in?
12:17It's an Australian marsupial from Cannon Hall Farm.
12:20A what?
12:21Clawlaba.
12:22A sugar glider called Pilot.
12:24What the hell is that?
12:25It looks like a mare cat mixed with a squirrel.
12:28How much do you reckon they'd be?
12:29Not much.
12:30Can we get one?
12:31No.
12:33Who needs castrating?
12:34He's getting his sugar lumps cut off.
12:37Why?
12:38That seems a bit harsh.
12:39And I'm going to be honest.
12:40On an animal that small.
12:42That's going to be tricky.
12:43Good luck.
12:44One of the biggest challenges is getting him under anaesthetic to start with which is transferring
12:48from his little box to the little anaesthetic chamber that we've got and not losing him.
12:52Look at Pilot there.
12:53No.
12:54He's blissfully unaware.
12:55That little thing don't want to be castrated and live in Yorkshire.
12:59No.
13:00Who does?
13:01Certainly he'll be angry.
13:02He'll be flighty.
13:03And we're going to need to be quick off the mark.
13:05Damn right he's going to be pissed.
13:06Why are you taking away his nuts?
13:07Sometimes you get them quite nice you know but it's very much Jekyll and Hyde and certainly
13:12when you see the teeth you don't want to be bitten by one.
13:14Ooh.
13:15What would be in front of you?
13:16If someone tried to cut my bollocks off I'd bite them.
13:18How many of them are there in the world?
13:20Yeah.
13:21Has he got lots of experience?
13:22Around Thirsk.
13:23Knowing he could encounter some turbulence with Pilot.
13:27Ha!
13:28Some turbulence with Pilot.
13:29Did you get that?
13:30Great banter.
13:31Matt's assembled a crew of nurses.
13:34Frankie, Robin and Amy.
13:36So confused.
13:37There's four of them to deal with the flying gerbil.
13:40Right little Pilot.
13:41Just see how angry they get.
13:42Here we go.
13:44Ooh!
13:45Ooh!
13:46Rippin' hell!
13:49Oh he's fuming.
13:50He's absolutely livid.
13:52Little ways out?
13:53Yeah, yeah, yeah.
13:54That's the reason he's come in because he's just had four new ladies put in with him and he's pestering them.
13:59That's why he's pestering all the ladies.
14:01Sorry Pilot, they've got to go mate, they've got to go.
14:03Well, I think that's what they should do to all pests.
14:06Send them in to see the Yorkshire vet.
14:09Hold them like that.
14:10Ooh, look at the size of them.
14:12Oh, wow.
14:14Massive nuts.
14:15Yeah.
14:17For such a small thing.
14:19Definitely gets the award for the...
14:22Smallest scrotum area.
14:24Hang on, love.
14:25I might be able to say that.
14:27If you are giving out a cap or something, a certificate,
14:32can I throw my name into the hat?
14:36This is slightly different to normal castrations.
14:38Is it?
14:39We're just going to use a searing, cautery device, like a hot blade,
14:42to cut straight across from the testicles and the scrotum.
14:45It'll provide the least amount of trauma.
14:49Mate.
14:50There he's balls.
14:51The least amount of trauma.
14:53I'd say it's quite a lot of trauma.
14:55Nope.
14:56Oh, my God.
14:57Oh!
14:58Isn't it funny?
14:59That's his job.
15:00To remove testicles off small beings.
15:04There we go, and just like that.
15:06And just like that.
15:07Look at these tiny little balls.
15:08What do they do with them now?
15:09Pilot is two passengers lighter.
15:10Oh, very good.
15:11I know.
15:12He's pleased with that.
15:13Very good.
15:14Look at them laughing here, you bunch of seedists.
15:15Oh, I don't want to think about my...
15:16I don't even have balls, but imagine you having your balls chopped off.
15:19That would be awkward.
15:20Especially if I went to the Yorkshire vet, yeah?
15:21I bet you've got so many pits.
15:22Yeah, you're getting a bit outnumbered now, aren't you?
15:23Four dogs and a horse.
15:24You've got a horse.
15:25Did you want that many?
15:26No.
15:27No.
15:28Did you want the horse?
15:29No.
15:30Did you want the kids?
15:31of you having your balls chopped off that'll be awkward especially if I went
15:37to the Yorkshire vet yeah I bet you've got so many pets yeah you're getting a
15:42bit outnumbered now aren't you four dogs and a horse you've got a horse did you
15:48want that many no no did you want the horse no hmm did you want the kids
16:01in Essex to tell you what shocks me to this day I can't get over it Joe I should pack a
16:07dishwasher tablet so I don't know why they're pricing them there it's you need a small mortgage
16:12yeah for dishwasher tablets best mates Jordan and Perry oh it's sorry if I take them home and I've
16:19got ripped the packet open yeah fuming fuming like it's not a little pot that pops yeah but even when
16:25you rip the packet open I find it all the time it's like putting my hand and you put your hand in it
16:28a lot of them are burst like all the time maybe I'm just too rough no you're heavy-handed I'm quite
16:33heavy-handed I love I'm nine and ever burst I like doing that and then go okay I think you need to
16:39you need to grow up a bit bad really yeah well that's how you that's how you turn the dishwasher
16:43I think you need to live a little next time next time you put your hand in that packet I'm telling you
16:48do that is that it yeah but it's it's better without the eye contact
16:55on Friday ITV livened up our morning with more of this wakey wakey mate fucking this morning's on
17:06come in B let's see how they managed to fill a few hours of television
17:13jeez come on bro this is something called morning TV yeah you know while you're asleep yeah other
17:25people are making television yeah you could you've never watched this have you because you've literally
17:29never been awake yeah not just any old fish Friday today no it's officially officially get it national
17:36fish and chip day national fish and chip okay wow do you like fish and chips I do I love fish and chips
17:43I like fish chips Lord something and curry sauce to dip in oh you're so northern to celebrate we've got
17:51the potato queen herself poppy O'Toole oh I like poppy the potato she cooks potatoes in lots of
17:57different ways yeah well he's amazing she's incredible I've seen this girl do things with
18:00potatoes that are inhuman what's your favorite we're gonna have a potato go dog from what so
18:06we've got the mega fish and chip butty but goodness all of the components are quite flashy oh look at
18:12that oh man that's not a fish bought to me that's a banquet and I'm all for it 10 30 or not me I'm in
18:21that so we're starting off with a vodka and tonic battered that fish yes vodka in the battle she's
18:28muscle I like her yeah a tonic batter yeah just when it couldn't get any better you would love
18:33that vodka fish and chips my worlds are collided and then we've got orange chips from the Midlands wait
18:39orange chips orange chips orange chips they're from by us that's a black country thing that's why
18:47poppy's from Birmingham girl what's your favorite fish to have as fish and chips you cod girl had a
18:52card it's got to be card this is journalism this is good I'm haddock I am had I love haddock they
18:58all taste the same they're in batter I'd have a remote control thrown in a deep fat fryer what's
19:03your favorite fish for haddock is it yeah what's yours haddock as well actually well that's good
19:10chat if you go to fish chips up what's your normal order what about a pickled egg I don't mind the
19:15pickled egg all day oh chips and a battered sausage I've got another question if you what do you drink
19:31with fish and chips daddy line and burdock yes water you drink water because there's enough going
19:37on also you know all I like to make the fish feel at home yeah I go lemonade or a cup of tea oh not
19:45not yet Phil back get Phil back because he wouldn't drink tea no he wouldn't get Phil back on love a cup
19:54tea with fish and chips you know what's nice with the fish and chips a Malbec a Malbec with fish and chips is that wine
20:00well I think drink wine Malbec wine with fish and chips unless you're an alcoholic well unless you're the twat
20:08very nice what do you drink at home just send that in to us so that we know let them know Kelly let them know
20:15let them know who's messaging this morning to tell them what drink they have with a chippy tea
20:19more people than you think oh hang on one second I'm just going to message this morning I have a glass
20:26of water send some of your lovely goujons with your vodka tonic how are we going to get our mouth round
20:31me well thank you well I'm glad someone said it Alison that's too big for my mouth yeah you can't open
20:37your mouth very wide so that's not going to do it guys I cannot eat that sandwich look at the size of
20:42that is a big sandwich go on go on I would be like you've got to go to break because things
20:48are about to get real freaky with this sandwich honestly you would not want to cut back to me
20:52you come back from break and I'll be on the sofa going ah in London shall we compare helmets because
21:00you got a Vespa here I got a bike wow yours is very pink and shiny mates Monja and Jamie I'm aerodynamic
21:07yeah look at that look like a professional look at the point on that yeah I'm a professional
21:13cyclist when I do this it's unbelievable stay like that stay like do you know how you can tell if
21:17it's good stay like that don't move don't move this is how you can tell Freddie let's just ready
21:21look at the arch the arch is crazy no no no not the water bro because now I can't move okay yeah but
21:28now now do the legs do the legs no because it's going to spill on me you've just trapped me
21:32you've captured in some sort of weird twisted sword challenge right if I cycle real slowly
21:38okay go on pedal look at that I'm pedaling I'm just going up a hill I am pedaling bro pedal
21:43on Saturday night there was even more commotion at Olby General on BBC One
21:52bit of casualty for you Claire casualty god I've not watched this in years
21:56so still on yes if you're anybody in the world of British acting you've had a role
22:02for sure who's had one Keira Knightley's had one Kate Winslet it's mad that people love this and
22:14it's been on every Saturday night everyone's like oh let's settle down and watch trauma after trauma
22:20for an hour yeah I found her on the floor she said her chest hurt chest hurts she needs to be careful
22:29oh she's having a heart attack you see oh shit is that a heart attack hi there I'm Jan I'm a paramedic
22:35no no shit when you hear someone's called Jan you trust that lady with your life yeah Jan Sue
22:42you Trish you can trust I'm vote for around Leo training for the whole behalf half marathon
22:51vibes put your feet up don't worry about it is it okay if my colleague takes your pulse what's Frodo
22:57doing there my son he's a personal trainer says I'm unfit well it turns out he had a point love
23:08am I having a heart attack let's get you in the back of the ambulance and check you over
23:14that's not what you want to hear I'm not having a heart attack let's get you in the ambulance so yes
23:18yeah Indy she's getting worse she's getting worse she's dying two minutes come on Indy put your foot
23:28down blue lights oh yeah what's wrong oh no so much wrong with the car oh no ain't stopping the
23:44brakes ain't work oh fuck off I can't stop it's speed oh my god that's not gonna help the heart attack
23:57oh shit oh my god we're here we've arrived we didn't want to make a scene
24:15oh god who's that oh she's squashed him get it off me get it off me get it off me she has not
24:28trapped that fella with the van I'm saying get it off me like it's a daddy longlegs or something
24:32not a whole flipping ambulance this whole thing is basically holding them together if we move it too
24:37oh my god oh it's a power cut it's all fucking going off I've got a feeling there's even more
24:51disaster pending I'm just gonna say that because this isn't quite enough yet okay clearly he's going
24:56into shock hey come on we gotta move this ambulance now finally now they're gonna try and move it
25:01they're gonna move the ambulance I just feel like if they reverse he might fall apart oh for sure oh no
25:09here we go oh my god oh he's got something lodged into him no something that metal bar sticking out his
25:23tummy come on this room oh the roof's caving in yeah but that's fine it's not looking good doctor
25:39honestly it's not looking good stomach's distended hemorrhaging want me with you who's this knobhead in
25:49the suit like I think he must be like the surgeon I'm gonna guess I'm gonna go so he looks like a
25:53surgeon the metal is seriously compromising his blood flow if you don't act now he's not gonna make
25:57it come on you can save him come on scuffle please oh god here we go you you might need to turn away
26:02you go do you see it all on casualty I know you strokes and we're in yeah oh you don't not a great
26:12time to have pizza is it oh oh Jesus I can't watch this right it's plastic it's plastic it's pretend no
26:22oh the noise it's the noise it's squelching I know it you don't have to tell me what the noise I could
26:28do is it oh fucking hell pepperami just flew out of him yuck sausages sausages sausages more sausages
26:38more sausages there it is look at that he took it out success has he done it I think he's done it
26:50well done well done brilliant this all started because someone tried to do a run in the park
26:54I'll tell you now running's bad yeah running is that is what we've learned won't run what we've
27:00taken from casualties everyone out there trying to do half marathons and stop in West London uh I've
27:13got some new bins yeah go on quite um flamboyant what do you mean they're flamboyant I don't think
27:19they're flamboyant it's quite dramatic a little bit of sexy tortoiseshell no before you start giving me
27:24grief I've seen you've got some glasses down there bang them on good friends Ben and cats
27:29hold on what come on all right Deirdre Barlow they're not these aren't no these are 70s
27:40are you kidding these are 70s not 80s do you know who Deirdre Barlow is you've got Deirdre Barlow's
27:46glasses on no I haven't these might be a bit bet lynch but they're Deirdre Barlow I'd rather be
27:50better than Deirdre we're gonna get on just fine we'll have a pint in the ravers and watch on telly
27:56this week we're off on another joint to the cockswolds on prime video so watching Clarkson's
28:02farm oh I love a farm my dream is to have a farm one day bro I swear to you but you want llamas
28:09I want llamas I just really want llamas I ain't got time for the other stuff
28:17oh I went to one quite recently a farm well I say farm was like a pettings if okay Clarkson's farm
28:25Clarkson I'm not gonna do it Clarkson's farm Clarkson's farm never do that again I've never
28:32actually been on an actual farm no but I did Duke of Edinburgh bronze award and I had to walk through
28:38a field of bulls and cows the same not to flex but yeah I've done it in the program Jeremy was on the
28:46hunt for some new livestock so I decided to go to my first ever cattle auction and buy some cows
28:54he's gonna take the bull by the arms and buy some cows I couldn't go and pick a cow and then be like
29:00right mince it yeah if I bought a cow it'd be like living with me yeah in the bed it'd be here
29:05hello Charlie hi I'm just wondering how many cows do you think I should buy we need between six and
29:14seven between six and seven like six and a half so I'll get eight cow and these are store cows because
29:21he's bought the pub and he wants to open it in about a month he's got to get cows that are really
29:27close and ready to slaughter you want to buy something that actually we can finish fairly
29:31quickly finish them really quickly kill them I still wasn't totally sure what Charlie was on about but
29:44there was no need to panic because Harriet had kindly agreed to come along and hold my hand
29:50I actually don't believe that Jeremy's not got a clue yeah really because he's a fucking know-it-all
29:58in it and we started by going through the breeds on sale there's like a catalogue of cows like it's
30:04the birdie Argos how much is it charolet and Angus yeah that any good yes this will run on
30:11moorland at altitude single suckled that said mm-hmm that means it only suckled on a single
30:17teat I would want a cow that's been through all the teats available got the best fighting chance
30:22could you buy an Angus cow I thought that was a steak menu that means it's time all right ladies and
30:34gentlemen make a start because you're an expert now you see that TV up there yeah that's going to tell
30:40you what lock number you want that was the last thing I understood because at that moment the
30:50auctioneer started speaking what not all of them are words not all of them are words what number do you
31:05know that has in it no one thousand one thousand one thousand one thousand one hundred bro does not
31:14have our in it I like at the end as well when a little bit Alicia Dixon yeah 15 yeah you know
31:25that's how I'd like to go shopping in a shop just look at like a pair of shoes and go
31:5516 20 to at 16 20 just 16 20 you were 16 pounds 20 pence I think it's no 1620 pounds at this point
32:08I decided it was time to pull rank here we go it's Jeremy gonna try it now 11 10 20 11 20 30 he's
32:15doing a finger like I want it I want it he's bidding against himself then wait
32:22what he bid twice nearly twice nearly twice nearly bit against himself I headed back to the farm with my
32:40new cows come on new cows and waited for Charlie to shower me with praise for a job well done Charlie
32:49is Clarkson's adult those two limousons are cracking they're really good they'll finish they're the ones
32:54Harriet boys what about the other six do you think this one's pretty cool no it hasn't got a round rump on
33:01the back it's better he's picked one one he spent all that money for the room he should have just
33:06listened to Harriet oh god have I done it wrong yeah yeah we're not done it right he's not great at it is he
33:12they just need to be more bootylicious exactly that we're sat here watching this do you know
33:18what's going on no I ain't got a clue in South London oh look at this I've got a teapot I've got a teapot
33:29breath look up you want I don't care I made this one you know you can have that I'll go pottery yeah
33:35real talk I'll go to pottery classes I made this good friends Mo and Babatunde you laugh now 100 years
33:42time this will be on Antiques Roadshow you reckon you'll have your own collection no one is going
33:52to buy that yeah this no buy that it's not just any pottery do you know what it is no blood clark
33:58pottery on Friday stateside squabbling was headlining the news on ITV right let's watch the news I love
34:08the news just before the news stats just let me adjust right yeah because if it's not in the
34:16right position I'm not comfy you're like the regurgitator of news I'm a news tube you're like
34:22like what I'm like one of those little birds that are in the net I'm a bird feeder and then I'm like
34:27this this is the ITV lunchtime news with Charlene White oh I like her Danny so when you got the news
34:34I was at one but a bewitch concert at two Donald Trump and Elon Musk have scheduled a private call
34:40oh here we are the charcoal brothers are back after a social media spat between the US president and the
34:46world's richest man blew up yesterday a bit late for the private call now I mean look this was
34:52inevitable right that these two was gonna fall out have you been in a relationship that's ended
34:57this dramatically several times the world's most powerful man and the world's richest man have
35:04fallen out and it hasn't been pretty who'd have thought a two lunatics falling out what do you
35:11reckon he's saying you are a bad boy that's not unlike Daly that finger comes out of me look at that
35:18look how that moves Trump take note the cause of the argument is what the president likes to call
35:24his big beautiful bill Trump's big beautiful bill right it's really in it it basically goes
35:32fuck off electric cars we want petrol cars right and Musk basically makes his main till off electric
35:42cars and so he sees Trump now with his bill is as fucking him off right you know I was like
35:50disappointed to see the massive spending bill why doesn't he just go and occupy Mars please
35:57occupy Mars only a man with a spaceship can wear that t-shirt though
36:02last night the men started shouting at each other through their social media megaphones I love a messy
36:13argument on social media that's why I'm not deleting Facebook the easiest way to save money in our budget
36:19billions and billions of dollars said the president is to terminate Elon's governmental subsidies I don't
36:25think I ever really did the arguing across social media no Katie Hopkins called me a slag once on social
36:30media I mean you didn't really need to say anything to win that one did you I just didn't she get
36:39done for shagging someone else but I remember thinking I'm sure you got caught shagging someone's
36:43husband in a field yes wasn't she bent over a farmer's gate I wouldn't worry too much about
36:47her calling you a slag Musk hit back with an unsubstantiated claim what's he said back oh this
36:53is the big one that mr. Trump appears in government files relating to the billionaire sex offender Jeffrey
36:59Epstein wow oh yo yo he went there how does he know if he's on Epstein's list Lord knows man I
37:09mean the thing is they're both totally flawless kings so I'm I'm I'm as shocked as you are to
37:14hear that Trump's on that list is that him leaving the White House is that good like getting your shit
37:21back Elon the billionaire then appeared to row back on a threat to decommission one of the SpaceX
37:28spacecraft that America's space program relies upon well does he own all those masks yeah well I don't
37:35want to go to space how can a man say I'm taking my spacecraft back you can't do that you don't be the
37:41kid who's like I'm going home I'm taking my ball don't do that so men are meant to be better leaders
37:48because they're less emotional are they in theory who said that who knows a man men are meant to be
37:54better leaders hmm well they're doing a fine job aren't they
38:07in Cheshire I've got a random question what tea bags do you have I've never had a tea or a coffee
38:12you what you've never had a tea or a coffee oh friends Luke and Ginge you're 18 years old you've
38:21never had a cup of tea nope or coffee you're taking the piss I'm not a joke seriously never
38:27had one what do you drink just anything but tea yeah or coffee wow that's crazy in North London
38:36have you had a good week I have actually it's been quite a busy week I mean you've been to Wales
38:40I've been to Wales was that random was it impromptu very random you know me I'm a random person I'm
38:47all about spontane that spontaneity spontaneity yeah Ellie and a good friend Richie would you just
38:54wake up with a morning thing I want to go to Wales I needed to go see friends oh yeah so I was like
39:00off two days off work do I have a lot of miles can you speak Welsh no can you speak well well I'm
39:06supposed to I didn't you went to school in way I went to school in Wales I spoke went to GCSE in
39:12Welsh and got guess what I got I me and a B no not a C not a C a U for for unique
39:22this week you grant was giving us the willies on prime video I very rarely stay awake until the end
39:33of the movie just so you know so if I start snoring or dribbling give me a nudge I remember when you were
39:37being used to watch Dracula and used to have to walk home down the dark road after we watched
39:43Dracula and you was on you yeah I get involved in the film we see two young missionaries on their
39:50way to spread the good word this is it creepy house don't go in creepy house creepy house I mean
40:03that has foreboding written all over it doesn't it I used to sell double glazing door to door I'm
40:09not not I'm not knocking on that door is this someone there ah good afternoon oh it's you grab
40:18easy I absolutely love you know what what I love you say oh you love me good afternoon I'm sister
40:32Paxton and this is my companion sister Barnes or a couple of nurses no they're mormons would you like
40:39to come inside no no you have a girl roommate so they're not allowed to go in because obviously
40:46he's just a man and their beliefs and stuff right it's just for safety we don't mind the rain but my
40:50wife is home does that come yeah I think he's lying no I don't like this no I think he's lying you
40:56can tell you can tell you can tell you can tell you guys on wife is out serial killer trust him
41:02girl do you like pie my wife has pie in the oven oh yes I'm straight through that door you should
41:08have said hey straight away my wife is being shy but the pie the pie is nigh sketchy oh there's no
41:21wife is there I think it is good why has he got a candle yeah to be religious well our work here is
41:29done and I just want you to know that before we start yeah something's happening something
41:33where's your wife you can we meet your wife please of course yes I see she's she's on it already
41:43she's got it can we meet you she's like sorry oh I'll go ask see the moment he leaves the room
41:51now to go look for the wife I'm at the door man they've picked up on a sense something that is a
41:58little bit woo and it's a little bit wee I'm gonna be honest I don't know what that means but the
42:05candle's gone out what with the candle why why are you looking at the candle what is it where is it where is it where is it
42:11blueberry pie oh he ain't chopping them up his wife ain't in the pie no he said that they were she
42:21with the wife was cooking a pie but the scent of the candles blueberry pie so they thought they could
42:26smell the pie being made by the wife and it's the candle oh oh so who's in the fucking pie though
42:33no there ain't a pie oh there ain't a pie oh oh no it's locked in this situation you just accept it
42:42don't you what but you're doomed no well that's how else they're gonna escape so we just need your
42:50help with the door and it's a little tricky we've tried to escape open the door for us you weirdo
42:56the deadbolts are on a timer ah oh my god and there's still no pie there if you are now regrettably
43:06ready to leave you'll have to exit through the back of my house oh we're not doing that oh we're
43:14not doing that here no I'll go through the front door or the window or the fucking window yeah I'm
43:19not going through your back door belief if God is real and he watches when we masturbate and he has
43:31such a fragile ego that he only helps us when we beg him and shower him with praise and he hates gay
43:35people for being what he made them to be well that's terrifying eh oh my god can I just go home
43:40can I go home yeah I want this spell here that way there's a belief door and a disbelief door
43:50which would you pick that's the point you're not you know there's no right answer if there's no god
43:56then we're just horny microscopic ants floating on a rock through space with no divine purpose and no hope
44:00to achieve eternal life well that's terrifying too oh it's fucking nuts yeah I like that horny
44:07microscopic ants which one would you choose I feel like I don't I feel like I don't know what
44:13he wants them to see at this point sister Paxton do you still believe in God yes then let's leave
44:21through here I'll stay together whatever you do yeah whatever it is stay together you can always
44:26empower him if you stay together I reckon I just might move into that room yeah I actually like
44:31it here I think it's really cozy beautiful you've got a blanket have you oh it doesn't look like it's
44:42outside brother thank you for all your mentorship and thank you for letting us leave don't thank him
44:51you don't know you're leaving oh if you think you're leaving good lord you've never seen a horror
44:56film in your life oh let's go to the cellar let's go to the cellar that's not the back door
45:05yeah they're going they're going further into the house they're going down yeah
45:09he's there oh my god he is as well chill chill chill chill chill relax and chill
45:19that looks like Russell oh not Russell you I'm getting you grant mixed up with Russell Grant
45:29yeah well it was good at selling their stars yeah that we wrote a song about it are you coming to
45:36no course he's not he knows what's down there I bet there's a dragon down there
45:42no oh no no no yep yes
45:51drama streaming now a mother and daughter arrive in town with secrets that won't stay quiet
46:12that's a little fly little fires everywhere with Ruth Witherspoon a helping hand over one of life's
46:18most awkward hurdles visit Virgin Island that's streaming now too next tonight the open house
46:24welcomes its first gay couple
46:26welcomes its first gay people
46:28welcomes its first gay people
46:29welcomes its first gay people
46:30welcomes its first gay people
46:31welcomes its first gay people
46:32welcomes its first gay people
46:33welcomes its first gay people
46:34welcomes its first gay people
46:35welcomes its first gay people
46:36welcomes its first gay people
46:37welcomes its first gay people
46:38welcomes its first gay people
46:39welcomes its first gay people
46:40welcomes its first gay people
46:41welcomes its first gay people
46:42welcomes its first gay people
46:43welcomes its first gay people
46:44welcomes its first gay people
46:45welcomes its first gay people
46:46welcomes its first gay people
46:47welcomes its first gay people
46:49welcomes its first gay people
46:51welcomes its first gay people
46:52welcomes its first gay people
46:53welcomes its first gay people