The host of the 'The Traitors,' Alan Cumming, sat down with The Hollywood Reporter to use his iconic voice to deliver his extraordinary takes on ordinary items including disinfectant wipes, flaxseed, toilet paper and much more. He even read some Taylor Swift lyrics, but, of course, she isn't ordinary.
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00:00What?
00:03Hello, I'm Alan Cumming, and this is Extraordinary Readings of Ordinary Things.
00:22Disinfectant wipes.
00:25Kills 99.9% of viruses and bacteria.
00:29It's that 0.1% that concerns me.
00:32Kills Staph E. coli.
00:34Is Staph like the infection that's kind of...
00:37Oh, you can just wipe this over your area.
00:41To disinfect and deodorise hard, non-porous surfaces.
00:45Wipe surface.
00:47Use enough wipes for treated surface to remain visibly wet for four minutes.
00:52Let surface dry.
00:54For highly soiled surfaces.
00:56Clean...
00:57We've got to stop this.
00:59It's too dirty.
01:00One of those tube things that you wear in the pool.
01:03Warning.
01:04To avoid danger of suffocation, keep this bag away from babies and children.
01:09Do not use in cribs.
01:11Not the MTV series, I imagine.
01:14Snoop D-L-double-G.
01:15Beds, carriages or playpens.
01:18This bag is not a toy.
01:20Discard bag and any other packing materials immediately after removing product.
01:25Do not reuse this bag.
01:27Reuse the bag.
01:29Put your dog's feces into a plastic bag.
01:35Flaxseed.
01:36The interesting thing and little known fact about flaxseed is that Trader's host Alan
01:40Cumming has it in his vegan protein shake every day.
01:44That's how you get these guns.
01:46Milling flaxseeds is like opening a treasure chest.
01:49In order to maintain the integrity of the wholesome...
01:52I can't believe I'm talking about this flaxseeds integrity.
01:57Also, what I love about this flaxseed, it's an employee owned company.
02:03Liberté.
02:04Egalité.
02:05Fraternité.
02:06Toilet paper.
02:07Is that what you say in America?
02:08Toilet paper?
02:09Yeah.
02:10I call it loo roll.
02:11That's right.
02:12Anyway.
02:13Toilet paper.
02:14Or loo roll.
02:15Smooth tear.
02:16Trusted softness.
02:17Better tear.
02:18I know I've been looking for a better tear for years.
02:20If you already know what I've been looking for a better tear for years.
02:25If you are interested in additional roll extenders, please call.
02:30I am interested.
02:31My castle's very big.
02:33I could do with an extender or two.
02:35Next thing is these.
02:37Bubbly sort of prickly things.
02:39They look a bit like when you draw cells.
02:44But they're sort of like...
02:46What are they?
02:47LED spiky balls.
02:49They light up.
02:50How do they light up?
02:51What?
02:53Do not attempt to remove the batteries or you will die.
02:58How long does it last?
03:00A Taylor Swift album.
03:04This is the vinyl version of Fearless.
03:07Taylor's version.
03:09I just want to look at a section of the lyrics.
03:14We're driving down the road.
03:16I wonder if you know I'm trying so hard not to get caught up now.
03:21But you're just so cool.
03:23Run your hands through your hair, absentmindedly making me want you.
03:28I'm not sure if that means he's running his hands through his hair absentmindedly,
03:34or if Taylor is absentmindedly wanting him.
03:40Maybe that's the glory of Taylor.
03:42It could be both things.
03:44You've been watching extraordinary readings of Ordinary Things with me,
03:50The Traitor's Alan Cumming.