- 12/06/2025
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00:00I don't know why I'm laughing.
00:25I've got a sore head.
00:27You like a coat?
00:28Camber hair.
00:31It is genuine Camber hair.
00:33It is.
00:35Don't you believe me?
00:36Look at that.
00:39Look at that.
00:41Just before the show, the producer took me to one side and he left me there.
00:49He said to me, he said, how do you feel tonight?
00:53I said, well, I feel a little bit funny.
00:55He said, well, get out there before it wears off.
00:58I'm so fed up with people picking on me.
01:04Crane cars.
01:07I've been to a strike party.
01:12Over in glasses.
01:12Steve's getting up, bosun.
01:37It's a bit late this morning, sir.
01:47I've got a feeling this whole operation is coming apart.
01:50What do you mean, sir?
01:52What do I mean?
01:52I'll get it fixed.
01:57I'll get it fixed.
01:58Okay.
01:59Right.
01:59Bosun, bosun, take the wheel.
02:01Yeah, all right.
02:01Dear old Tom.
02:11And we in the profession loved him for the same reasons that you loved him.
02:16He was funny.
02:17He was a funny man.
02:19You see, in the old days, they used to go into the arena and fight the lions and fight
02:24each other with net and they would have gone in with a steel trident.
02:29But Tom would have had a rubber one.
02:32And that was the difference.
02:34And Tom used to do the most dangerous job we have in our profession, which is the stand-up comic.
02:50Good evening.
02:51Have I got time for more?
02:53I shall now produce some of the Zeppney Cloth for live ducks.
02:59Oh!
03:00I've got to wear again.
03:02Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
03:05Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
03:09Look, see that?
03:11This one just is the same thing.
03:13Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
03:18Oh!
03:20Here's a little trick I'd like to show you now.
03:22There's a very famous egg a bag trick.
03:24Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
03:29Here's the egg as a bag.
03:32Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
03:33My teeth itch.
03:34I went to the dentist and said, my teeth are all right, or my gum's gonna come out.
03:38is going to come out. And I said, he looked at me and I said, I've got a terrible pain
03:49just up there. See? And up there it was. So he said, I'll tell you what I do. I said,
03:57what's that? Because he spoke to me. And I said, I've got a pain up there. He said,
04:05well, I tell you what, he's like, I'll x-ray it. So you get these little tiny x-rays like that.
04:08A little small one like that. And you put it up there like that. And you hold it up there like that.
04:13And I'm sitting there like that. And they bring this x-ray machine in, see?
04:19And like there. And it went, just like that.
04:27And he took it out and he looked at it. And he said, no wonder it hurts. You've got a finger poked up there.
04:35Hey, bag, baggie.
04:47As I was waiting to go in and see him, the same Dennis, and I was sitting reading the magazines,
04:54was an author about that Titanic.
04:56Another thing, we're vanishing in front of your very eyes.
05:09And you're... Oh, my feet are killing me.
05:12Every night when I'm lying in bed, they're getting run in the throat like that, trying to strain me.
05:15I want you to watch me very, very closely.
05:23And if you see any suspicious moves, don't say anything.
05:28This egg will vanish in front of your very eyes, so you won't have the slightest clue where it's gone.
05:33On the other hand,
05:35I've got four fingers on the throat.
05:36Oh, dear.
05:52Look, vanishing in front of your right ear, you'll slide the screen where it's gone, haven't you?
05:56Eh? Where?
05:58Under my arm? No.
06:01Another one? No, look at that there.
06:02This one? No, look at that.
06:06Hi, how's that?
06:14I can remember so many amusing things about Tommy.
06:17Um, 1967 in Blackpool, for instance, we were...
06:21And a lot of these things, incidentally, I put into a book, an autobiography.
06:25They're so funny, I thought they were worth putting into this book that I've just written.
06:28An autobiography called Impressions of My Life.
06:31Yes, I thought I'd plug it.
06:33Well, I mean, Tommy would have done, wouldn't he?
06:34Yes, anyway.
06:36So, there was a place where all the pros, all the theatricals, used to gather,
06:40called the Galleon Club, I think.
06:42And we went in there one night, and it was very crowded.
06:45And, uh, Tommy turned to me, he said,
06:46What are you going to have to drink, you see?
06:48So I said, I'll have a lager, Tommy.
06:49He said, Keep your voice down.
06:53I think he was afraid some of the other people might take advantage of his hospitality.
06:57So he got these drinks, and he got the change for the drinks, which was about two bob,
07:01which he left on the bar.
07:03And about half an hour later, he's looking for the change.
07:06And he said,
07:08It was two bob on the bar, wasn't it?
07:10Wasn't there two bob belonging to me?
07:13I was sure she left two bob.
07:14I said, Well, she did, there was two bob.
07:16He said, Well, it's gone.
07:18Where did that two bob go?
07:19And she said, Well, it was there.
07:20He said, Well, it's gone now.
07:21I said, That's terrible, that.
07:24He said, You can't trust anybody, can you?
07:26Two bob, there was on that bar.
07:28Two bob belong with me.
07:29Who's had it?
07:30You see?
07:31I said, Well, it's gone now, Tommy.
07:33He said, That's terrible, that.
07:35I mean, two bob.
07:36Who would...
07:36I mean, take two bob.
07:38And he paused for a little while, and then he said,
07:43You see, Mike, it's not a principle, it's a money.
07:50So I went to this doctor, and I said,
07:51It hurts me when I do that.
07:52He said, Well, don't do it.
08:02Yeah, I had a meal last night.
08:03I ordered everything in French to surprise everybody.
08:05It was a Chinese restaurant.
08:08And I said to this Chinese waiter,
08:11I said, Look, this chicken I've got here is cold.
08:13He said, Well, sure, he's been dead two weeks.
08:16I said, Not only that.
08:17I said, I said, I said it twice.
08:21He's got one leg shorter than the other.
08:23He said, What do you want to do?
08:24Eat it or dance with it?
08:30I said, Forget the chicken.
08:33It's a big deal now.
08:34I said, Forget the chicken.
08:38I said, Give me a lobster.
08:41So he brought the lobster.
08:42I looked at it.
08:43I said, Just a minute.
08:45I said, Just a minute.
08:46I said.
08:47I said, You've only got one claw.
08:50He's always been in a fight.
08:52I said, Well, give me the winner.
08:53You know, Tommy Cooper was just as funny off as he was on.
09:05And that really was funny.
09:08You know, for 18 months, I had the dressing room next to Tommy Cooper's at the Prince of
09:13Wales Theatre in London.
09:14And you see, I'm the sort of performer who likes to try and relax before he does a show.
09:19So I would get there early to the theatre, have my aspirins and fingernails, cup of tea
09:24and a Maori biscuit, lie down on the chaise as long there, you know.
09:27But now, Tommy, he'd come in at the last minute with his mates.
09:30I'd hear him next door laughing and joking with his pals and cracking gags.
09:34The one person who did get a bit sort of agitated was his dresser.
09:39And he'd knock on the door and he'd say, Mr Cooper, it's nearly time.
09:43He'd say, That's all right, Joe.
09:44That's all right.
09:45Relax.
09:46Relax.
09:47You know what relax is?
09:48It's a little bit of dark chocolate.
09:50Oh.
09:51And he'd say, But Mr Cooper, you'll be off.
09:54He'd say, Joe, I've been going off for years.
09:56Oh.
09:57Oh.
09:58He'd say, Mr Cooper, you're on.
09:59How am I doing?
10:00Am I getting any laughs?
10:02Oh.
10:02And then he'd bang on the door and say, Mr Cooper, they're playing your music.
10:07He'd say, Why didn't you call me?
10:08I'll be late.
10:09I'll be off.
10:09Get out of here.
10:10Oh.
10:19Oh.
10:21Oh.
10:25They sucked.
10:29Well, I must say, you've got a wonderful audience.
10:32And I'd like to finish it now with a little song.
10:38I can always tell if an audience is going to be good or bad.
10:41Good night.
10:48What?
10:48All right.
10:49Spoon jar jar spoon.
10:56Spoon jar jar.
10:57What about that smoking joint?
11:00Spoon jar jar spoon.
11:01Spoon jar jar.
11:02Spoon jar.
11:03Spoon jar jar.
11:04Spoon jar.
11:04Spoon jar.
11:04Well, pull it.
11:21Pull it.
11:22Oh, dear.
11:38Rose, rose.
11:39I've risen.
11:43I don't like it anymore.
11:46Look.
11:46See that glove?
11:48Second hand.
11:49I'm back to horses today.
12:1520 to 1.
12:16Give me 20 past 4.
12:17He was so late coming in, he had a tiptoe back to the stable.
12:29And the jock, he kept hitting like that with a whip.
12:32Not like that.
12:33Like that.
12:38Like that.
12:39And the horse said, what are you doing that for?
12:42There's nobody behind us.
12:43I brought a greyhound about a month ago.
12:53A friend of mine said, what are you going to do with it?
12:54I was going to race it.
12:56He said, by the look of it, I think you've beat it.
12:57Everyone wanted to imitate him, didn't they?
13:08That was the true accolade, I think.
13:10And he was funny as soon as he came on.
13:13He didn't have to say anything.
13:14He was just funny.
13:17I mean, there weren't many like that, I suppose.
13:18Well, W.C. Fields was one.
13:22Oliver Hardy, I suppose.
13:24But above all, it was Tommy.
13:26That belonged to Tommy.
13:27Just coming on and looking funny.
13:29He was big.
13:30He was clumsy.
13:31He was sweaty.
13:33He was hot.
13:34He sighed a lot.
13:37But above all, he laughed at himself.
13:42And I think it's that laugh that'll stay in my memory.
13:49Oh, dear, oh, dear.
14:01Hey!
14:02Oh, what a day I made.
14:11I went to see my doctor.
14:12I had to, he's ill.
14:16And he said to me, he said, can I help me?
14:18I said, yes.
14:19I said, I get in these terrible dreams.
14:21He said, what's that?
14:21I said, I keep dreaming.
14:22These beautiful girls keep coming towards me.
14:23Beautiful girls, I keep pushing away.
14:25They keep coming towards me, I keep pushing away.
14:27He said, what do you want me to do?
14:28I said, break my arm.
14:28He said, I want you to lie down on the couch.
14:40I said, what for?
14:41He said, I want to sweep out.
14:51I said, but seriously, doctor.
14:52I said, seriously.
14:55I said, seriously, doctor.
14:58Seriously, doctor, I said, I have broken my arm in several places.
15:05He said, well, you shouldn't go to this place.
15:13Well, what can you say about Tommy Cooper?
15:15Terrific bloke.
15:16I only met him a couple of times, and I think that the funniest thing about Tom was the real life.
15:20I mean, he was brilliant on stage.
15:21He was probably the best we've ever seen.
15:23But I remember being in a pub, we've got a boozer next door, right, where we all go occasionally to try and find our director.
15:29And, yes, thank you.
15:32And I was in here one day with my mate Terry, who was driving me.
15:35And just out by the toilet, right, there's a telephone.
15:39And the door opens, like, opposite the bathroom door, right, and there's a telephone.
15:42And Tommy Cooper was out there for ages, and I thought he probably had a curry or something.
15:46But as the door had opened, he was on the phone looking all puzzled.
15:49And he called Terry over, who he didn't know, my driver.
15:51He said, Terry, will you?
15:52He said, excuse me, cover a bit of it.
15:55And Terry said, yeah, what is it, Mr Cooper?
15:56He said, is this pub, how do you pronounce it?
16:00Is it the Anglers or the Anglers?
16:05And I went, pardon?
16:07He said, how do you pronounce this pub?
16:09Is it the Anglers or the Anglers?
16:12He said, it's the Anglers.
16:14He went, it's the Anglers.
16:16I said, I'm sure, Anglers, not Anglers.
16:22He said, it's Anglers.
16:24It's the Tedder, though.
16:25Yeah, all right, I just can't hold him as Anglers.
16:29And then a strange bloke come out the toilet, just an ordinary bloke, like, mind his own business, a car salesman or something.
16:34And Tommy Cooper said, speak to him, will you?
16:37Give him the phone, and the bloke cut the phone up him and said, hello, Rose and Crown.
16:40Here's a pack of cards.
16:47Now, I'd like something here now at random.
16:52Mr Random, would you think of any card you like in the pack, sir, but don't tell me?
17:00Think of any card, sir?
17:02No, just think of one, sir.
17:06Have you thought of one, sir?
17:08Right, now, this is mind over matter.
17:10If you don't mind, I don't matter.
17:15I'll put the cards in there, sir.
17:17Now, this duck
17:33will take your chosen card
17:40from that pack.
17:43Now, you may have seen a duck with that before,
17:46but be fair, bloke.
17:57What was your card, sir?
18:03Correct.
18:03I was cleaning up the attic last week
18:08with a wife.
18:10Filthy, dirty, covering the cobwebs.
18:12But she's good to the kids.
18:20And I found this old violin.
18:23There's old violin.
18:26And there's painting, all painted.
18:28So, I took him to an expert,
18:31and he said to me,
18:32what you've got there,
18:32he said, you've got a Stradivarius
18:34and a Rembrandt.
18:37Unfortunately,
18:44Stradivarius
18:44was a terrible painter.
18:51And Redbunt
18:52made rotten violins.
18:53Not many people knew
18:59that Tommy actually
19:00was a fine, fine musician.
19:02And one of the finest compliments
19:03ever paid to me
19:04was not long after he died,
19:06I went around to the house
19:07and see Gwen
19:08for a cup of tea
19:09and a little chat.
19:10And she took me down the garden
19:11to this enormous double garage
19:12where Tommy used to keep
19:14endless amount of props,
19:16i.e. huge one,
19:18telephone, kiosks,
19:19you name it,
19:19it was all stored in his garage.
19:21And we walked down the garden,
19:22and it was quite a moving moment
19:23because she opened the doors
19:24and it had all been stripped,
19:26all the props had disappeared,
19:27they'd all been taken away.
19:28Bar one,
19:29this.
19:30This fine piece of furniture
19:32is a beautiful organ.
19:34And Dove said to me,
19:36we'd like you to keep this
19:37in memory of Tommy.
19:38As I say,
19:39it's a great compliment.
19:40I'm not as accomplished
19:41a musician as Tommy ever was,
19:43but I'll play a few notes for you.
19:45Actually,
19:45Tommy always used to play
19:46with a funny hat
19:47or an axe in his head,
19:47I think probably
19:48because he didn't want people
19:50to sort of take his music
19:51too seriously.
19:51However,
19:52I've practised a bit
19:53and all being well,
19:55we'll get a sound out of it.
19:56That's funny, isn't it?
20:22Thank you, Tom.
20:26I'll treasure that.
20:28Here's a quick joke.
20:33What was it?
20:33Oh, yes.
20:36There was a,
20:37in the jungle,
20:38in the jungle,
20:39and there was a hyena.
20:41You know,
20:42a hyena.
20:42and he's talking,
20:45he's talking to this monkey
20:46and he said to this monkey,
20:48he said,
20:48you see that little passage,
20:50that little thing down there,
20:51a little narrow.
20:53He said,
20:53just down there,
20:54you see those big clumps
20:55of trees and bushes?
20:56And this monkey said,
20:57yes.
20:58He said,
20:59well,
20:59I'll go home that way
20:59every night.
21:01He said,
21:02I don't have to.
21:03But,
21:04you know,
21:04it's a shortcut for me,
21:05I'll go home.
21:06He said,
21:06well,
21:06every time I get
21:07to that bunch of trees there,
21:09he said,
21:09this lion jumps out
21:10and throws me
21:12all over the place.
21:14He said,
21:15I don't know why
21:15he picked on me.
21:17All the time,
21:18he keeps throwing me about,
21:19bashing me about.
21:20He said,
21:21and then he goes.
21:23He thinks it's funny,
21:23you know what I mean?
21:26So,
21:28this monkey said,
21:29I know what you mean.
21:31He said,
21:31well,
21:32I'll tell you what,
21:32he said,
21:32I'll come over here tonight.
21:35You know,
21:35he said,
21:36to protect you.
21:38So,
21:38he said,
21:38would you,
21:39he said,
21:39yes.
21:41So,
21:41so,
21:44they shook hands on it,
21:46nothing in writing,
21:46just shake it,
21:47they shook it.
21:49And he started to walk
21:50down towards
21:50these cupboard trees,
21:52see.
21:55I cut up laughing,
21:56I know what's coming next.
21:59And he got down
22:00to this cupboard trees
22:01and he was just
22:02going to turn like that
22:03and this lion jumped out
22:04and got this hyena
22:05and went boom,
22:06boom,
22:06boom.
22:07And this monkey
22:08went right up the tree
22:09and left him there
22:11looking at him like that.
22:14And he was looking
22:14like that.
22:16And all of a sudden
22:17this lion went boom,
22:18boom,
22:19and left this hyena
22:20on his back like that.
22:23He may have been like that,
22:24no,
22:24he's like that.
22:24And then this monkey
22:29came down
22:30and I was standing
22:30beside him
22:31and this hyena's
22:32like that.
22:34And he looks up
22:35to this monkey
22:35and he said,
22:36what happened?
22:39He said,
22:40I thought you were
22:40going to help me.
22:42He said,
22:42well,
22:42I was,
22:42he said,
22:43but when I looked
22:43down,
22:43he said,
22:44you were laughing
22:45so much,
22:45I thought you were
22:46winning.
22:46The thing about Tom
22:56was that he
22:57couldn't act
22:58and I thought
22:59he could,
22:59he,
23:00oh,
23:00he was,
23:01but he couldn't.
23:03And I can remember
23:03once when I was
23:04shooting the original
23:05plank,
23:05which is over
23:0620 years ago now
23:08when Tom had
23:09his own fez
23:09and we were
23:11sitting at lunch
23:12and the plank
23:13at that time
23:14was full of actors,
23:15full of good actors.
23:15It was full of
23:17good actors
23:17and he couldn't
23:18act,
23:19but we were
23:20all having lunch
23:20and as we were
23:22all eating there
23:23like that
23:23and the actors
23:24were talking,
23:24hello,
23:24hello,
23:25and they're all,
23:26hello,
23:26you know,
23:26because actors
23:27can talk
23:27with a mouthful
23:28because a lot
23:30of them don't
23:30get paid
23:30but they get
23:31a good meal.
23:32Anyway,
23:33Tom's sitting
23:33at the end
23:34of the table,
23:35Tom suddenly
23:35gets up
23:36and lies down
23:37on the floor
23:37in a public
23:38restaurant.
23:39Well,
23:39of course,
23:40I expected this
23:40and all,
23:41hello,
23:41hello,
23:41stop for a minute
23:42and then Tom
23:43gets up
23:44and started
23:45with his meal
23:45and I said
23:46to Tom,
23:47I said,
23:47why did you
23:48do that?
23:49He said,
23:50I just wanted
23:50to do something
23:51visual.
23:52That was Tom
23:53but I'll tell
23:54you something,
23:55one of Tom's
23:56looks was worth
23:57ten years
23:58at Ryder.
24:00Time.
24:03Off the top.
24:05Off the top?
24:07Off the top?
24:09Off the top?
24:09off the top.
24:35Off the top?
24:36Off the top?
24:37ceres you?
24:38Oh, look!
24:53It's okay, I'm all right.
24:54I'm all right.
24:56It's okay, don't worry.
24:57What are you doing?
24:58I'm all right.
24:59Put me down.
25:00Put me down.
25:01I'm all right.
25:02What kind of are you?
25:03I'm all right.
25:03Put me down.
25:04I'm all right.
25:08Here, drink that, please.
25:10Oh, thank you.
25:12Thank you very much.
25:20Paint!
25:21Paint.
25:21Paint?
25:22Paint?
25:22Paint.
25:23Paint!
25:25Paint!
25:38Paint!
25:52Paint!
25:53Paint!
25:54Taste!
25:58Delete!
25:59알았어!
26:00Crid милли!
26:01C'mon!
26:02C'mon!
26:03Peace!
26:04C'mon!
26:05uce!
26:05Oh, my God.
26:35Oh, my God.
27:05Oh, my God.
27:35Oh, my God.
27:44I've no idea how many surprise guests we've had for people we've saluted on This Is Your Life, but the craziest must easily have been Tommy Cooper.
27:53Now, he wasn't one to come and prepare things beforehand, not that you'd notice if he would anyway, and the first I'd see of him would be live on air, and even then, I wouldn't know whether he was going to come through the doors or the wings or the audience, but you knew that it was going to work out somehow.
28:07Bill, among the many roles you've played, one of the most difficult must have been when you attempted to play straight man to a comedian, because that comedian happened to be the hilariously unpredictable Tommy Cooper.
28:20Tommy, I understand that you've been a great friend of our star guest of honor for many years.
28:42Oh, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many years.
28:48i'm not wasting my time on no no no no a good friend an admirer yes yes yeah as well as frank
29:01yes i i'll tell you it goes back a long long time ago a long long it does it goes back a long long
29:08time ago a long long time ago a long long time ago what do you admire about it many times many
29:13minutes it goes back i'll tell her because i remember the very first time he gave me his first pair of
29:23boxes and i always treasure that because i always always i honestly watched his fights
29:34i watched all his fights i really did every fight i did i watched all his fights
29:41but i'll tell you what he's stupid but he's changed a lot he has changed a lot because
29:48the first time i met him he was black with big lips
29:52you're thinking of frazier with an eye well he's got an eye he's got two eyes
30:12well you can't see both because he's sitting on one side
30:17well i just i can't understand why he's still not black
30:23look you know it's big lips not ears big ears big lips
30:27but but but but i mean what can you tell us about him what can i tell you about him about bill
30:33well i don't know anything about him i've never met him
30:36how can you tell us anything about him if you've never met him i've never met him before
30:39and then when he did come on of course that was something else i i remember on eric sykes this is
30:58your life i i just gave up and sat down with my guests who else but tommy coper
31:06well good evening i'll do something is that it do something yeah can you tell us something
31:29why don't you tell us something about that famous film of eric's the plank that we were
31:36looking at oh yes
31:38now i remember now doing this film with eric the plank and er it's very funny it was
31:52no no it was very funny
31:56he not only acted in it he wrote it didn't he yeah yeah i was covered with that
32:01and i brought it i know i was in i'm telling you i was in it
32:09i just said what you're in it now
32:15he put me wrong off now
32:21i've er i was in the film yep the plank that's right yes
32:25and he wrote the script he wrote it in a letterbox
32:29why did he put it in a letterbox it was a postscript
32:31oh dear how do i think of that i don't know
32:36and while er while we were making this film that's the first time i ever done in my life
32:47this is longer than frankie howard
32:49not yet not yet not yet no no i'm gonna be very quick we're doing this film and er we're in this house remember
33:03remember the house yeah in this house
33:18i was in this house the same house
33:20i can't laugh i can't i know what's coming next
33:30and while we were doing this film there's one shot in it
33:36and we had a scene where we had to knock nails into the floor
33:41so anyway he may be good at the typewriter but he wasn't very good with a hammer
33:47because i had to hold the nails while he was he was hidden
33:51and he just missed this one
33:54but he caught me with that one
33:59a great memory of tom was he and his wife lived in a bungalow in eastbourne
34:14and one sunday morning they had a terrible row
34:17and dove his wife went off in a terrible huff
34:19and arrived at this hotel in brighton where they used to have a sunday morning drink
34:24in the hotel bar
34:25now she's sitting there having a drink
34:28and 15 minutes later tom follows on in another cab
34:32five minutes from the hotel
34:34he takes his clothes off
34:36his jacket his shirt
34:38his pants
34:40everything
34:41and he's right down to his underwear
34:43all he has is his socks
34:44his long johns
34:45his suspenders
34:46and he walks through the hotel with all the guests looking at this fellow
34:50wondering what's going on
34:51and he walks through the hotel
34:53into the bar
34:54right up to where his wife is having a drink
34:56and he says
34:57dove
34:58where's my clean shirt
35:00and that was the real tommy cooper
35:02chief barker distinguished guests
35:10ladies and gentlemen
35:11pray silence
35:12for your distinguished guest of honour
35:14mr tommy cooper
35:15thank you
35:22thank you
35:25thank you very much
35:28chief barker
35:33fellow barkers
35:34distinguished guests
35:35ladies and gentlemen
35:37from now on
35:38let's speak
35:39let's go downhill a bit
35:40what
35:48you've got to put your face on
35:53not yet
35:53not yet
35:53I told you to wait in the truck
35:58didn't I
35:58your own life equity
36:16that's good
36:16anyway I must say
36:21when I heard of the zombie
36:22I told the family
36:25and I told my son and daughter
36:26I've got a son and daughter
36:28I get things right sometimes
36:30and I said to my son Thomas
36:38I said I've been invited as a guest of honour
36:39to lunch
36:41by the rioting club
36:42and he looked at me with tears in his eyes
36:45and he flung his arms around me
36:48and he said
36:50what the hell for
36:51does my voice sound a little bit hoarse
36:56it does a bit doesn't it
36:59as a matter of fact
36:59I lost my voice completely yesterday
37:01and the one I've got now
37:02I've just borrowed for this lunch
37:03so I went to the doctor's
37:09and he said
37:09I'll examine you
37:10he said open your mouth
37:11I went like
37:11and he looked down
37:13and he said
37:13a little roar
37:14so I went
37:15Tom Tom
37:31no Tommy
37:32Tommy Cooper
37:33Tommy Cooper
37:34yeah
37:34he was fabulous Tommy
37:35he was a legend that man
37:37he was absolutely brilliant
37:38Tommy liked Tommy
37:39oh I loved him
37:40one of my heroes
37:41thank you
37:42thank you
37:44God
37:46what a lovely audience
37:47I sent an ovation
37:48and I said
37:53oh God
37:53that's my eye
37:54it's my finger
37:55so
37:56so I said to this chap
38:00what happened then
38:01so I said
38:04I said to this childish waiter
38:07I said excuse me
38:08and he said
38:08yeah
38:08look at that impressions as well
38:11I said tell me something
38:15I said
38:15are there any Chinese Jews
38:17he said
38:19I don't know
38:20go fada
38:21so he went
38:26and he came back
38:26he said no
38:27there's only apple juice
38:28pineapple juice
38:29so I said
38:40so I said
38:42so I said
38:43to this childish waiter
38:44behind the counter
38:45see
38:45I said excuse me
38:47and he said
38:47yeah
38:47could have been the same one
38:49well he could have
38:51walked round couldn't he
38:52I said
38:55have you got frogs legs
38:56and he said yes
39:01I said
39:01well hot weather
39:02can't he get me a cheese salad
39:03Tommy
39:08not just a lovely man
39:10but a great
39:11great comic
39:12if I had a tough audience
39:15you know
39:15I used to just put
39:16one of these on
39:17and that would get me
39:18out of trouble right away
39:19I could tell you
39:20it almost goes without saying
39:23one of the funniest men
39:24I ever met
39:25I was in Margate
39:28last summer
39:29for the summer season
39:30a friend of mine said
39:31if you want to go to Margate
39:32it's good for arithmetism
39:33so I did
39:34and I got it
39:34and I tried to get
39:42the hotel
39:43it was packed
39:43so it was a big
39:44bowling house
39:44and I knocked it
39:45at the door
39:46and the landlady
39:46put her hand up the window
39:47and she said
39:47what do you want
39:47I said I want to stay there
39:48she said I want to stay there
39:49and shut the window
39:49and while I was there
39:56I bought one of these
39:57skin diving outfits
39:58let me see
39:58it was like a frogman suit
39:59bought the whole thing
40:00you know
40:01goggles
40:01big flippers
40:03tank on the back
40:04and I had a photograph
40:06taken like that
40:07and like that
40:07well you never know
40:10do you
40:10you never know
40:11and I went to the bay
40:13and I jumped in
40:13because you're not supposed
40:14to dive in
40:14it's dangerous
40:15and I jumped in
40:17like that
40:17and I think I turned
40:19a little bit
40:20and I went down
40:25to about 155 figures
40:27it was lovely
40:29very quiet
40:29and I've gone along
40:32like that
40:33I've got my instructions
40:37here
40:37and I get rid of them
40:48and I start to do that
40:49like that
40:50and the feet are going
40:55like that
40:56not in the front
40:58in the back
40:58and I'm going
41:01and I don't care
41:03now
41:04you know what I mean
41:04I'm all over the place
41:08and the goggles
41:10getting all misty
41:11and I'm humming
41:13to myself
41:13not loud
41:17just
41:17and all of a sudden
41:22I saw a man
41:22walking towards me
41:23in a sports jacket
41:27grey flannels
41:28I thought
41:31that's unusual
41:32for a Thursday
41:32so I went towards
41:36and I got right up
41:40to him
41:41I took this pad out
41:41and I wrote
41:42what are you doing
41:42down here
41:43walking about
41:44in a sports jacket
41:45grey flannels
41:46and he took this pad
41:48for me
41:48and he wrote on there
41:49I'm drowning
41:49Tommy Cooper
41:59well what can you say
42:00he was the only one
42:00who could read
42:01the telephone director
42:01and make it funny
42:02that bloke
42:02he's a genius
42:03we'll all miss him
42:04he really was
42:06one of the funniest
42:06men in the business
42:07and to this day
42:09we all still
42:10miss him
42:10very very much
42:11great comic
42:13sheer inspiration
42:15I owe the man
42:16so much
42:17in fact
42:17I still do him
42:18every night
42:18thank you
42:20here's a quick joke
42:23there's a man
42:27having a barbecue
42:27with the front guard
42:28so you turn the speed
42:29like that
42:29and the flames
42:29are getting higher
42:30and higher
42:30higher and higher
42:33see
42:34and he's singing
42:35oh Solomir
42:36no music
42:39oh Solomir
42:43farewell
42:45and the flames
42:49are getting higher
42:49and higher
42:49and a drunk walks by
42:51he says
42:52your singers
42:52all right
42:52but your monkey's
42:53on fire
42:53he was one of the
42:59funniest men
42:59I ever saw
43:00in my life
43:01he was just terrific
43:02he was really funny
43:03man
43:03Tommy Cooper
43:05was the all-time
43:07funny man
43:07he was really
43:08tremendous
43:08he'd only to walk on
43:09for me
43:10and I'd start laughing
43:11really tremendous
43:12he'd be missed
43:13God bless his mother
43:15I say
43:15for giving the world
43:16Tommy Cooper
43:16there's a man
43:21went into a pub
43:21see
43:22he got a pint of beer
43:23he drank a beer
43:24put the glass on the car
43:25and turned to the people
43:25on the right
43:25and said
43:26you're a bunch of idiots
43:26and he turned to the people
43:29on the left
43:29and he said
43:30you're a bunch of fools
43:30and walks out
43:31next night
43:33he's back
43:33he puts the glass
43:34on the car
43:34and turns to the right
43:34and he says
43:35you're a bunch of idiots
43:36and you're a bunch of fools
43:37and he walks out
43:38there was a man
43:39sitting there
43:39and he said
43:42look
43:42if he comes in
43:42tomorrow night
43:43he may not come in
43:45I don't know
43:46well you don't know do you
43:51well he may
43:55he may not
43:55well you can't blame me
43:59can you
43:59I don't care
44:00I don't want to say
44:04I don't know the fellow
44:05I don't care
44:06I don't care
44:08if he comes in
44:08he makes no difference
44:09but he came
44:15he came in
44:16got the beer
44:17put the glass
44:18drank the beer
44:18put the clap
44:19on the car
44:19to turn the people
44:20around
44:20he said
44:20you're a bunch of idiots
44:21and you're a bunch of fools
44:22and this man said
44:24just a minute
44:24I'm not a fool
44:25he said
44:26well join the idiots
44:27over there then
44:27thank you
44:29dear old Tom
44:34you know
44:35we in the profession
44:36had the privilege
44:37of knowing Tom
44:38personally
44:39but I wonder
44:41will we ever see
44:43his like
44:43again
44:44we'll meet again
45:02don't know where
45:04don't know where
45:07but I know
45:09we'll meet
45:11the game
45:12shining
45:13again
45:14keep
45:19smiling
45:21just like you
45:24always do
45:27until the blue sky
45:30drives the grey sky
45:33far away
45:35far away
45:35yes
45:41I should never forget
45:45the first time we met
45:46she was sitting on top
45:48Waterloo Bridge
45:49dangling her feet in the water
45:52she cocked one eye at me
45:58and I cocked one eye at her
46:04and there we stood together
46:06cock up
46:07and she had
46:14most unusual lips
46:16both on top
46:18and long blonde wavy hair
46:25all down at back
46:26none on her head
46:28as she had
46:37a very cute
46:39little button nose
46:41very cute
46:43I always liked the way
46:44it turned up
46:45then down
46:47then sideways
46:50but I loved her
46:56how we had some
46:57wonderful happy times
46:58together
46:59we used to go on the beach
47:01she gave me a wave
47:03I still got her home
47:05in her back
47:06we used to go on the sands
47:12play little games
47:13together
47:14she used to
47:17she used to bury me
47:20into the sand
47:20and I buried her
47:22in the sand
47:23and one of these days
47:25I've got to go back
47:26and dig her out
47:27and then
47:33she said she was hungry
47:34so I bought her
47:36a stick of rock
47:37and she bit it
47:40and she went
47:41oh
47:42wasn't quite as loud as it
47:45it was more
47:47oh
47:48and then she started
47:50to cry a bit
47:51oh
47:52oh
47:55oh
47:56oh
47:57I said what's the matter love
48:00she said I broke the tooth
48:01I said don't worry
48:03you've got one left
48:04and when she stood up
48:14she had bow legs
48:15she used to walk like that
48:20I said to her
48:23why don't you learn
48:24to play the cello
48:25so I said to myself
48:35I'll take her
48:37and get some lovely teeth for her
48:39so I got the best
48:42set of false teeth
48:44that money can buy
48:44and they look beautiful
48:47beautiful
48:49and then
48:51after all that
48:53the money I spent on her
48:59I don't let her carry on
49:03I'll try
49:06all the money I spent on her
49:09she left me
49:10left me
49:12left me
49:12that is funny
49:22it's not you is it
49:25and a year later
49:35I met her again
49:37and she came towards me
49:41and she just stood there
49:44and laughed at me
49:46laughed at me
49:49with my own teeth
49:52but I know
49:59we'll meet
50:00I gave
50:01some sunny
50:03day
50:05applause
50:07love
50:07applause
Recommended
48:21
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