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Bonus Channel
  • 6/12/2025
Transcript
00:00:00I never did have a supermodel
00:00:16The kind of girl that looks at me
00:00:19But I tell you it's her that's missing out
00:00:23One day you're all gonna say
00:00:30I never drink champagne or limo
00:00:36I never get any free of people
00:00:39Maybe some people need their recovery
00:00:43To cover up who they really are
00:00:46It's coming
00:00:49I can't wait to see
00:00:53I'm not alone now
00:01:00I'm not alone now
00:01:06I'm not alone now
00:01:09I can't wait to see
00:01:15No, no, no, no
00:01:17I can't wait to see
00:01:22I can't wait to see
00:01:27I'm out and out now
00:01:30To the day of May
00:01:34I don't care if those skinny girls like me
00:01:50They need a limo, got a sitting in car
00:01:53Don't need to go to no stupid party
00:01:57Yeah, I'm still a superstar
00:02:04It's coming
00:02:07No, I can't wait to see
00:02:11I won't be long now
00:02:14To the day of May
00:02:18To the day of May
00:02:20I can't wait to see
00:02:23I won't be long now
00:02:27To the day of May
00:02:30To the day of May
00:02:33To the day of May
00:02:38To the day of May
00:02:42To the day of May
00:02:44Oh, hey, I'm Stephen. You're Kingsley.
00:02:51Yeah, fantastic to meet you, Stevie. Now give me a hand shifting these tables, will you, Stevie?
00:02:55Nah, it's just Stephen. Stevie's for three-year-olds and seventies music icons.
00:02:59So what does that make you?
00:03:01Angry.
00:03:04Fine, fantastic to meet you, Stephen. Now give me a hand shifting these tables, will you, please?
00:03:14What were you thinking, old man?
00:03:23G'day, Roger. Thanks for coming, mate. Are you guys all acquainted?
00:03:26Do we know each other? Yeah, pretty hard not to. Around here, isn't it?
00:03:29Great. Ah, name tags. Must find name tags.
00:03:37Are you guys here for the speed dating?
00:03:39You better believe it, champ. Do you want to get in on the action?
00:03:41Oh, no, I'm actually here to cover the event. I didn't realise it was specifically...
00:03:47Nah, there's girls coming. Definitely. Tons of them.
00:03:52There's girls coming, right?
00:03:53What? Oh, yeah, girls. Sure, I'm sure they'll be here.
00:03:56Oh, I'm sorry. I just saw all their blokes and thought...
00:04:00Sausage chisel.
00:04:01Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It must be Kingsley, right? Jason, right?
00:04:06Mm.
00:04:07This is Jason, everyone. He's from the North East Gazette.
00:04:09Just drumming up some publicity for us, you know?
00:04:11So, next time...
00:04:13You guys read the Gazette?
00:04:18No?
00:04:20Anyway, I might just try and grab each of you at some stage and get some thoughts from you.
00:04:23Bunch of characters like yourselves, I'm sure you'll have plenty to say.
00:04:32Bunch of characters.
00:04:36Oh, I fucking hate that guy.
00:04:40Are you sure about this, honey?
00:04:42Yeah, of course.
00:04:43Because, you know, if you feel uncomfortable, then just call me up.
00:04:45Mum, it's fine.
00:04:47Hey, you sure you don't want to stick around?
00:04:49You never know.
00:04:50You might meet a handsome guy.
00:04:52I don't think so.
00:04:54Besides, I wouldn't want to cramp your style.
00:04:56Oh, but you wouldn't.
00:04:57I'm going to be going home with the first guy I meet anyway.
00:04:59Probably have his kid, get a tattoo, do some drugs.
00:05:02Alright, alright, alright.
00:05:04I still think you should come.
00:05:05Might be a bit much.
00:05:07Suit yourself.
00:05:08I'll see you later, okay?
00:05:09Okay.
00:05:16I might not know a big oop about maths, but this just isn't going to work.
00:05:33Well, give it time, mate.
00:05:35I'll let you in on a little secret.
00:05:37It's always a good time when old Kingsley's in charge.
00:05:39And where's Kingsley?
00:05:40Are you looking at him, sport?
00:05:42Oh.
00:05:46Jane, is it?
00:06:08Everybody, this is Jane.
00:06:11This is Darren's sister.
00:06:12I think you all know Darren, don't you?
00:06:14Hi Darren, don't you?
00:06:15Geez, my brother a movie star, is he?
00:06:17Keith fucking Costner or something, huh?
00:06:20Kevin?
00:06:21Darren.
00:06:23Roger.
00:06:25I'm Roger.
00:06:26Roger by name and Roger by nature.
00:06:28Huh?
00:06:29Roger.
00:06:31Well, we might as well get things going, huh?
00:06:34That's it.
00:06:35No others?
00:06:35Others?
00:06:37Like us guys aren't going to blow the roof of this place, huh?
00:06:44Hi, I'm Steven.
00:06:46Don't think we've started yet?
00:06:48Oh yeah, I know.
00:06:49I'm just fast.
00:06:50Everyone's always saying how fast I am.
00:06:53Wow.
00:06:55Round, round, round, round one, one, one, one.
00:07:14Alright, now we've got things going.
00:07:21For anyone who might know, my name is Kingsley Matheson and I'm an exterminator.
00:07:30I'll be back.
00:07:33Always cracks them up.
00:07:35Anyway, we've got seven people, so we'll do seven rounds of say 15 minutes each.
00:07:41I'm the seventh will for this one, I guess.
00:07:44Must be towing a trailer.
00:07:49Zoom.
00:07:50Bit of bush humour for you.
00:07:54Classic.
00:07:56Anyway, without any further ado, let's get ready to rumble.
00:08:08That was the rumble.
00:08:14We'll get on with it.
00:08:21Too much for you, yeah?
00:08:24Oh, absolutely.
00:08:25Before these guys get out of control.
00:08:29So, um, how long have you been in the shire?
00:08:46Um, since Leon spent all our power bill money on buying a pregnant tester for his bit on the side, I think.
00:08:52Thinks it's fucking ready, steady, cooked, got them in two different ovens.
00:08:59Are you a bit young for this?
00:09:01How old do you think I am?
00:09:02I don't know, 30?
00:09:03Oh, don't get me wrong, it's just really what I was expecting.
00:09:19What were you expecting?
00:09:20I know, about a dozen girls having a water fight.
00:09:22Serious?
00:09:23No.
00:09:24Not with the rains we're at.
00:09:27Look, I don't know what I'm doing here.
00:09:32I don't know what I was thinking.
00:09:39So, tell me about your wife then?
00:09:45I suppose, first of all, good job on putting these together.
00:09:53Oh yeah, good isn't it?
00:09:55Takes some work to kick these blokes into gear though.
00:09:57Are you still expecting something?
00:10:01No, I might as well turn it off actually.
00:10:04Beep.
00:10:07What do you reckon, probably just starting to kick into gear now?
00:10:12Do you think they're coming back?
00:10:14I know it's weird, but this, today, has taken me months.
00:10:18I mean, I love these people in this place, but it just feels like they've all given up sometimes.
00:10:25It's kind of scary.
00:10:28For them.
00:10:40So what kind of music you into?
00:10:41I don't really.
00:10:42I used to listen to a bit of Jimmy Barnes.
00:10:44Oh yeah, we had a Jimmy Barnes night here once.
00:10:47Jimmy Barnes came here?
00:10:48Oh no, um, yeah.
00:10:50We had a few of his tapes and people brought costumes.
00:10:53Yeah, we do theme nights and stuff.
00:10:55Did he bring the tapes?
00:10:57I don't remember.
00:11:02Is that a good book?
00:11:04Yeah, not bad.
00:11:06Probably a bit hard to concentrate though.
00:11:08Yeah, me too.
00:11:09I'm not much of a reader.
00:11:12Her name is Laurie.
00:11:13Wow.
00:11:14She was really beautiful.
00:11:15Did she like it out here?
00:11:16It was her idea.
00:11:17After she was diagnosed, she just wanted the two of us to get away.
00:11:19And in the year that we had, before it happened, she said it was the best time I ever had, for what that's worth.
00:11:35It's not fair, is it?
00:11:38No kidding.
00:11:39I could have been married, you know.
00:11:42Maybe I just wasn't really the marrying type.
00:11:45I'm not sure.
00:11:46Came close once though.
00:11:48Carrie, her name was.
00:11:49We'd been together for two years or something and I took a two-month contract, earned some money for a wedding.
00:11:55Our wedding.
00:11:58With these grand friggin' plans.
00:12:01Sorry.
00:12:02These grand plans and I worked myself into the ground and it doesn't matter.
00:12:09What'd she left?
00:12:10I came back to an empty house.
00:12:13Oh, sorry.
00:12:16My 30th birthday.
00:12:18Happier times.
00:12:20Ah, she wasn't right for me.
00:12:22I probably avoided the gallows there.
00:12:25Bitch.
00:12:32Time to wind this round up.
00:12:39Hey look, um, sorry about before.
00:12:43I don't really know where that came from.
00:12:45It's so darn far in the past now.
00:12:49She's in town at the moment and it probably just brought some stuff back to the surface.
00:12:53She's in town for you?
00:12:55Couldn't say.
00:12:56She says she wants to catch up or something.
00:12:58It's been a long time.
00:13:00I've invited her to stop in today.
00:13:02I hope it works out.
00:13:04You got the picture back, right?
00:13:06Oh, yeah.
00:13:07Damn thing just keeps showing up.
00:13:10How'd you meet your wife?
00:13:12Oh, I forget.
00:13:14I think I repressed that particular memory.
00:13:17I just woke up one day without hopes and dreams and noticed my testicles were missing.
00:13:38Yeah, what a great start to the day.
00:13:41Everyone's having a good time, right?
00:13:46Well, time flies when you're having fun.
00:13:50As if there aren't enough flies around here.
00:13:57So, before the next 15 minutes, whiz by.
00:14:00Everybody take a look at the schedule board for round two.
00:14:03And take a seat at your tables.
00:14:07Round, round, round two, two, two, two, two.
00:14:10Round.
00:14:14Well, come on.
00:14:15What are you all waiting for?
00:14:23So, Dan, I guess that means you was leave.
00:14:25If that's okay.
00:14:27Whatever, dickhead.
00:14:28Well, I'm of Irish Scottish descent, six foot one, self-employed, and I like killing backpackers in the desert.
00:14:43Are you even listening to me?
00:14:46Yeah.
00:14:49Just so you know, this isn't gonna happen.
00:14:56How's your brother?
00:14:57You're living with him and his wife, aren't you?
00:14:59Yeah.
00:15:00Yeah, that's right.
00:15:03Settle down, mate.
00:15:04You'll get your chance.
00:15:06Yeah.
00:15:07It's just Roger though, isn't it?
00:15:08Roger's alright.
00:15:09I'm not worried or anything.
00:15:11Are you drunk like this?
00:15:14Nah.
00:15:16Just help me drink.
00:15:18Think.
00:15:22All my life I've been here.
00:15:24Got everything that I want.
00:15:25It's a good attitude.
00:15:26Fucking ace.
00:15:27Well, it shows a lot of strength, you know?
00:15:31I really admire that.
00:15:32Yeah.
00:15:33I've lived out here all my life as well.
00:15:36I really love it out here.
00:15:37It's great.
00:15:38The folks through traditions and the good attitude and the animals.
00:15:42Yeah, I really love it out here.
00:15:44It's great.
00:15:45Yeah, it's pretty great.
00:15:47Right.
00:15:48Well, it's good to have a second opinion anyway.
00:15:50Yeah.
00:15:51I'll let you guys get back into it.
00:15:53I'm a bit thirsty actually.
00:15:54Little guy loves it out here.
00:16:07So, I'm sorry to be so blunt, but you've just had some bad luck with a partner.
00:16:12Bad luck?
00:16:13That's a new way of putting it.
00:16:15You're saying about the break up?
00:16:16Kingsley was saying.
00:16:17Kingsley?
00:16:18Kingsley wouldn't know his ass from his anus.
00:16:20You're about the same mind you.
00:16:22Well, it must be tough.
00:16:24Nah.
00:16:25Better off without the miserable prick.
00:16:27Huh.
00:16:28Except I'm kind of stuck with him now, aren't I?
00:16:30There's no chance of fixing things with the father.
00:16:32Are you kidding?
00:16:33He ran off with an 18 year old.
00:16:35That's no good.
00:16:37My wife would-
00:16:38Stupid little slut wouldn't know ass from her anus.
00:16:41Ass from anus.
00:16:43What are you writing?
00:16:45Poetry.
00:16:47Gay.
00:16:49Gay.
00:17:06So, did we all enjoy round two?
00:17:11Alright, great.
00:17:12How about we roll the dice of love?
00:17:15Why don't you stick the dice of love up your-
00:17:18Kidding.
00:17:19Kidding.
00:17:20Gosh.
00:17:25You can see the schedule board.
00:17:27You know where you need to be.
00:17:28And, as Confucius say,
00:17:32He with whom neither slander
00:17:34That gradually soaks into the mind
00:17:36A successful
00:17:38May be called intelligent indeed.
00:17:45Something to think about anyway.
00:17:50Round, round, round.
00:17:51Three, three, three, three, three, three.
00:17:53So...
00:18:15So...
00:18:16Do you come here often?
00:18:20Do you want another try?
00:18:21Yeah.
00:18:25Weren't you just telling me how fast you were?
00:18:26Hey, no, this is fast around here.
00:18:28Oh, because I'm back in the city, you know,
00:18:30with the big buildings and the bright lights and the fast cars.
00:18:34We'd say that this was kind of awkward.
00:18:36No, not around here, yeah.
00:18:38In fact, around here you can go hours between asking a question
00:18:40and getting an answer.
00:18:41It's the laid-back country folk and all that.
00:18:44Well, that might be a problem,
00:18:46because Kingsley's going to be ringing the bell in 13 minutes.
00:18:51I like to do sitting and a bit of staring when the opportunity arises.
00:18:57How about yourself?
00:18:59I used to carve Tom Arnold figurines out of potatoes.
00:19:01Did people buy them?
00:19:02They went for sale.
00:19:05Right.
00:19:07Running in the roadhouse with Mum, that's pretty exciting too.
00:19:10Oh, yeah? What part?
00:19:11Chico Rolls. They're pretty cool.
00:19:12Yeah.
00:19:14They are pretty cool.
00:19:15Yeah.
00:19:17They're cool.
00:19:21Well, so what do you want to talk about?
00:19:28Nothing, mate.
00:19:29Sorry, I've got to plan some more activities and stuff,
00:19:33so if you can please just give me some hush.
00:19:38I'll just wait outside, shall I?
00:19:39Maybe just for a few minutes.
00:19:41Hi, Carrie.
00:20:04Kingsley again.
00:20:06I hope you get this message soon.
00:20:09We're all having a great time.
00:20:10Hey, you guys, settle down a bit, eh?
00:20:13I'm trying to talk here.
00:20:19Sorry about that.
00:20:21I'll see you soon, huh?
00:20:23Look, I don't get what we're doing.
00:20:42Nothing, really.
00:20:42Look, just tell me a bit about yourself, why you're here, that kind of thing.
00:20:45Oh, jeez.
00:20:46My name's Roger, and I've been out in the bush all my life, and I come here today because...
00:20:53Well, it doesn't matter.
00:20:56Look, I didn't come here to talk to no friggin' physiotherapist.
00:21:00No offence.
00:21:01Well, that's fine.
00:21:04Look, it's tough out here, isn't it?
00:21:06Well, it wouldn't be any easier anywhere else.
00:21:08I don't talk to girls much.
00:21:12You know, practice makes perfect, eh?
00:21:16What the fuck's that supposed to make?
00:21:17I think girls and women, that kind of thing.
00:21:20You're a cockspank!
00:21:21So what does a farm boy get up to, exactly?
00:21:25Other than, well, you know, the obvious.
00:21:27What obvious?
00:21:28You know, all those cold, lonely nights, you're going up to the stables and...
00:21:32Re-enact the birth of Christ?
00:21:33Something like that.
00:21:34Horse sex? No.
00:21:35They wouldn't have you?
00:21:36Quite the opposite.
00:21:37See, they all want commitment.
00:21:38I'm not really a one-horse man.
00:21:40Go on then, so what's a normal day for you?
00:21:42Wake up an hour before the sun rises, milk the chickens, harvest the cows...
00:21:47I'm not sure you got that quite right.
00:21:50I might need to make a call.
00:21:51They seem to have taken the speed out of speed dating.
00:22:03Actually, they seem to have taken the dating out of speed dating too.
00:22:07Yeah.
00:22:09So, how are you finding it out here?
00:22:11It's okay.
00:22:13I thought there'd be a few more blokes around here though today.
00:22:16You're lucky.
00:22:18Five guys to two women.
00:22:20Odds are better for you than us.
00:22:21Yeah, there's five blokes.
00:22:23One's a 90-year-old, one's a kid, and you and Kingsley...
00:22:26Too sexy?
00:22:28Yeah.
00:22:29Get that all the time.
00:22:31Yeah.
00:22:31But I just wouldn't.
00:22:34You don't even know me.
00:22:35Oh, no offence, but...
00:22:37Come on.
00:22:40You ever been married or anything?
00:22:41What do you fucking think?
00:22:42I don't know.
00:22:43No.
00:22:43I don't talk to women much, and women don't talk to me neither.
00:22:46That sounds like heaven.
00:22:48I can't shake my wife up.
00:22:50I'll have her.
00:22:50She's yours.
00:22:51She ain't fussy.
00:22:52You're joking, Ron.
00:22:53No, I put in a good word for you.
00:22:54Look, it's 44 Marsh Road.
00:22:57Bedroom's first door on the right.
00:23:00And the cistern runs.
00:23:01I've got a house, and toilet work's fine, thanks.
00:23:05Now, I do hope you're ready for this.
00:23:07Oh, my God.
00:23:08Stephen's getting laid.
00:23:27Stephen.
00:23:29That one was my peeps.
00:23:31They can keep it.
00:23:33So, we've got like two minutes left.
00:23:34You got any other tricks up your sleeve?
00:23:36Well, yes, I do, Michelle.
00:23:38Do you see this coin?
00:23:40Yes.
00:23:44Oh, then no.
00:23:47So, how come I never see you at the Roadhouse?
00:23:49You don't like our food?
00:23:50So, you're saying I should drop in?
00:23:52Yeah, definitely.
00:23:53I'll even give you a free water.
00:23:55Fantastic.
00:23:56On weekdays, between three and five.
00:23:57Cash only, not valid with any other offer.
00:23:59Expires March 9.
00:24:00That?
00:24:00No rain checks.
00:24:01Sounds good.
00:24:02It's a date.
00:24:03Really?
00:24:03All righty.
00:24:17Is everybody ready to get the next round going?
00:24:21Right.
00:24:21Still a bit shy, huh?
00:24:23Do we need to try an icebreaker or something?
00:24:25Isn't that what today is?
00:24:27Well, no, I mean like an activity.
00:24:29Get everyone relaxed, warmed up, that kind of thing.
00:24:32Actually, I've got just the thing.
00:24:34I want everybody to write down the name of the first famous person that they think of.
00:24:39But, uh, don't use me or I'll get embarrassed.
00:24:46I'll get the name tags.
00:24:47This'll be great.
00:24:51You could have just said that you don't want to play.
00:24:55What do you mean?
00:24:57Shit.
00:24:59You're shitting me.
00:25:00Who would have guessed?
00:25:03Okay, Jason.
00:25:04I know I wrote something different at least.
00:25:06So, it's on to you.
00:25:07Am I a famous author?
00:25:14Yes.
00:25:16Am I Leo Tolstoy?
00:25:19He's very good.
00:25:21Oh, come on.
00:25:23He didn't get that by himself.
00:25:24Who told him?
00:25:26The marker went through the table, Kings.
00:25:29Right.
00:25:31No problem.
00:25:32This is why I have backup ideas.
00:25:34Who's heard of Chinese whispers?
00:25:36Oh, no way.
00:25:37Nah.
00:25:38None of that ethnic bullshit.
00:25:40Yeah, Chinese whispers.
00:25:42Can't understand them even when they talk loud.
00:25:45That's why they squint so much.
00:25:47They can't understand each other.
00:25:49Can we move on?
00:25:51Good idea.
00:25:52I've got another activity.
00:25:54Much further on.
00:25:55Griffo.
00:25:56Griffo.
00:25:56This guy.
00:25:58No, no, no.
00:26:01Seriously.
00:26:02I've got a real fun one we can do.
00:26:04I just need to break up into a couple of groups.
00:26:08John, Michelle and Stephen, you're one group.
00:26:12Roger, Griffo, Jane, you're the other group.
00:26:16Jason and I will just be neutral.
00:26:18I think he got neutral at birth.
00:26:20No offence.
00:26:21Right.
00:26:22It's a team challenge.
00:26:24You need to choose three things.
00:26:26All of them need to fit in a pocket
00:26:28that you would choose to have
00:26:29if you were going to be stranded on an island.
00:26:32And start.
00:26:35Three minutes.
00:26:36You young people can handle this.
00:26:50I'm just going to get some fresh air.
00:27:01Hey, sorry about the date thing before.
00:27:04See, here's the thing.
00:27:06I thought we were talking about actual dates.
00:27:08Like, the ones you eat.
00:27:12What is a date anyway?
00:27:14Like a dried plum or something?
00:27:16Date's a date.
00:27:17It's not a dried anything.
00:27:18I think that's a prune.
00:27:20Oh, no shit.
00:27:25So we're stranded on a desert island.
00:27:27Yeah, nice navigating doofus.
00:27:29I knew I should have asked for directions
00:27:30when I saw those icebergs.
00:27:32Well, if you'd have been looking at the map
00:27:33instead of doing your make-up in the rear-view mirror.
00:27:35Well, if you'd let me out of the house
00:27:36without my face on once in a while.
00:27:38If you'd take care of yourself a little better.
00:27:41Didn't hear your brother complaining.
00:27:42Or your dad.
00:27:44Ouch.
00:27:46Not bigger, huh?
00:27:46Not in any way.
00:27:48But I already knew that.
00:27:48I read it in the Shine newsletter.
00:27:49Well, maybe you can read this, too.
00:27:56You guys take these games pretty seriously.
00:27:58I'm a winner.
00:28:00Okay, time's up.
00:28:02Let's see what we've got.
00:28:04Stephen, tell me what your team came up with.
00:28:07You're right.
00:28:09A cigarette lighter for fires and a light.
00:28:11A pack of Skittles,
00:28:13because we all like Skittles.
00:28:15And, yeah, like a folded plastic sheet
00:28:17for shelter and that sort of thing.
00:28:19We didn't really think...
00:28:20What?
00:28:21That's stupid.
00:28:22Have you ever travelled before?
00:28:23Good.
00:28:24Bit of healthy competition.
00:28:26Jane thinks they did better.
00:28:27Jane.
00:28:28Right.
00:28:29Dead easy.
00:28:30Three things.
00:28:31Mobile phone.
00:28:32Heaps of American money.
00:28:34And...
00:28:34Plane tickets.
00:28:37Fucking cinch.
00:28:38It's a deserted island.
00:28:39I'm all good at those things.
00:28:40Never said it was a deserted island.
00:28:42Just said it was an island.
00:28:43We can't help it if you guys are all fucking...
00:28:51It's just a stupid game, guys.
00:28:53Whatever.
00:28:54Sore losers.
00:28:55I mean, who would even want to go to an island like that?
00:28:57All deserty and shit.
00:28:59Stupid game.
00:29:00Just a waste of fucking time.
00:29:02I mean, why would a plane even land there?
00:29:04No petrol.
00:29:05Idiot.
00:29:06There's no food or phones,
00:29:07but now there's a petrol station.
00:29:09Think about it.
00:29:10No wonder you've never had sex.
00:29:12All right, Kingsley.
00:29:12What are our next pairs?
00:29:13I think we've broken a little too much ice.
00:29:16Sure.
00:29:19Thanks for that.
00:29:20It's all right.
00:29:21It's not your fault.
00:29:21No one will have sex with you.
00:29:22Okay, so let's just get into round four.
00:29:25I had written some fun questions to help us out.
00:29:29Use them.
00:29:31Don't use them.
00:29:32It's up to you.
00:29:33Let's just put the icebreaker behind us
00:29:35and get this thing cranking again, hey?
00:29:37All right, this is a good one.
00:29:55What is the worst job you've ever worked?
00:29:58I was a no-nonsense prison warden
00:30:00with a heart of gold.
00:30:02Let's not do this, hey?
00:30:03I'd rather just talk.
00:30:11You seem a bit frustrated.
00:30:12Do I?
00:30:13How come?
00:30:13Well, I don't know.
00:30:14I mean, I'm having a good time,
00:30:15but it seems like maybe you're hoping
00:30:17for a bit more than this.
00:30:18Oh, no, no.
00:30:19That's how these things start.
00:30:20It's building to something.
00:30:25What am I supposed to do with it?
00:30:26Well, don't ask me.
00:30:27It's your shoe now.
00:30:28Awesome.
00:30:32All right.
00:30:34Double or nothing.
00:30:38What?
00:30:39Never played shoo-be-doo before?
00:30:41Once.
00:30:43I know.
00:30:44It's not working, is it?
00:30:45It's a joke.
00:30:46No.
00:30:47No, it's fine.
00:30:48I'm having a good time.
00:30:48I used to be a cat walker.
00:30:56I used to take my neighbour's cats
00:30:58for walks for money.
00:30:59That's the worst job I've ever had.
00:31:01We can talk about that if you'd rather.
00:31:02A cat walker?
00:31:03That's priceless.
00:31:04I thought that might cheer you up.
00:31:05Yeah.
00:31:06So, God, how did you ever get
00:31:08to become a prison warden?
00:31:10I was joking.
00:31:11So was I.
00:31:12We're not all Roger.
00:31:13What?
00:31:14Nothing, mate.
00:31:15Different Roger.
00:31:16Oh.
00:31:17Different Roger?
00:31:19I think Stephen might be going
00:31:20a bit mental, you know?
00:31:21You mean Kingsley?
00:31:22Christ, you're as bad as he is.
00:31:24Tell you there's some dumb people
00:31:25here today.
00:31:28Just the way I bring spares, eh?
00:31:32So, Roger, if you could have any four people
00:31:35come to a dinner party,
00:31:36who would they be?
00:31:37People from around here?
00:31:39Where at?
00:31:39I don't think that matters.
00:31:40Just, you know, anyone in history.
00:31:43Never really been to a dinner party.
00:31:47Jesus.
00:31:47Moses?
00:31:49Bradman.
00:31:50Einstein?
00:31:51Madonna?
00:31:52Bob Saget?
00:31:53Yeah, they'd be good.
00:31:54They'd be alright, I guess.
00:31:55Strong answer.
00:31:58You're alright, Sister, eh?
00:32:01If you were a tree,
00:32:03what type of tree would you be?
00:32:04Fucking bored one.
00:32:05What kind of question is that?
00:32:07Okay.
00:32:10Next.
00:32:12What's your favourite film?
00:32:13I like that negro one.
00:32:18Negro one?
00:32:18You know, the one with the African guy.
00:32:23What or who would be your perfect partner?
00:32:25Well, my wife would be pretty close.
00:32:31But she's past now, so...
00:32:32She's not really perfect then, is she?
00:32:35No.
00:32:36I guess not.
00:32:37So you drive trucks around here, do you?
00:32:42Yeah, got a little run I do through here.
00:32:44Never thought of settling down somewhere a bit nicer.
00:32:48Not especially?
00:32:49Not even if you've found the right woman?
00:32:51I have.
00:32:52Heaps of times.
00:32:54Problem is,
00:32:56white women don't seem to want to have much to do with me.
00:33:00Even the wrong ones aren't too keen.
00:33:02Jane is, um...
00:33:03She's really something, isn't she?
00:33:05She's okay.
00:33:07Pretty much the same to me now.
00:33:09So why haven't come here today?
00:33:13No.
00:33:13Glutton for punishment, I suppose.
00:33:15So you are ready for marriage.
00:33:16Shit, this is a long one.
00:33:29If you went on holiday
00:33:31and then were stranded on an island,
00:33:34what...
00:33:34What?
00:33:45What three things would you bring?
00:33:49A boat,
00:33:50some fuel,
00:33:52and Jonathan Taylor Thomas.
00:33:57I just think he'd be a cool guy.
00:34:01There's no answers.
00:34:04So how did she die?
00:34:07I don't think that's on the list.
00:34:09Well, I know.
00:34:10I'm just asking.
00:34:13Cancer.
00:34:16Could have been worse, then.
00:34:21How?
00:34:24I could have died.
00:34:27I can't do this.
00:34:28Oh, you guys go back inside.
00:34:47I'm fine.
00:34:48I'm just wanting some fresh air.
00:34:53The whole thing's shot now.
00:34:55We're out of sync and...
00:34:56Don't panic, I've...
00:34:58Let's look at the schedule.
00:35:01I think if we swap this round
00:35:03and this round,
00:35:04I'll duck outside with these guys.
00:35:05That'll even things out.
00:35:08Cheers, Jay.
00:35:09That leaves Roger with Jay
00:35:12and I'm with you, Stevie.
00:35:14You guys have been designated the outdoor round.
00:35:25Sounds good.
00:35:27Great.
00:35:27I think...
00:35:27I think Kingsley's about to have a coronary in there.
00:35:30That is great.
00:35:32It's only all right.
00:35:33You and Jane didn't hit it off too well.
00:35:34Yeah, Jane.
00:35:35She's a real cat.
00:35:37Reminds me of Audrey Hepburn.
00:35:38Yeah.
00:35:39I must have seen her other movies.
00:35:40Jane's in movies too?
00:35:42Oh, well, hardly surprising, I guess.
00:35:47Feels like forever since I had a fuck.
00:35:50How long?
00:35:51Years?
00:35:52Nah.
00:35:53Not the arch-pope or anything.
00:35:56Oh.
00:35:57You seeing anyone at the minute?
00:35:59Nah, not really.
00:36:00Do you think we should go out there?
00:36:05I feel we should be out there, shouldn't we?
00:36:07I think they might want the space for a bit.
00:36:08They'll be back soon enough.
00:36:10Michelle will be back soon, okay?
00:36:12Oh, is she out there, is she?
00:36:14Didn't really notice.
00:36:17You in town for long?
00:36:18Dunno.
00:36:19Is it worth me sticking around, you think?
00:36:21Oh, it's pretty good around here.
00:36:23We've got some dog trials coming up in a few weeks.
00:36:25Is that it?
00:36:26Well, we can check and see if there's some trials coming up somewhere else.
00:36:29Nah, I mean, is that all you're going to do?
00:36:31I thought you were different from these other blokes.
00:36:33Yeah, I am different.
00:36:34Well, then grow some balls for fuck's sake.
00:36:37Yeah, that's right.
00:36:38You heard me.
00:36:39These guys couldn't get a fuck in a gay bar.
00:36:41What?
00:36:42Right.
00:36:43That's enough bullshit.
00:36:44Let's go.
00:36:46What?
00:36:46Here?
00:36:47Now?
00:36:48But you were pregnant, yeah?
00:36:49Exactly.
00:36:50So it's a freebie, isn't it?
00:36:51Yeah, I knew these twins when I was younger.
00:36:53Oh, it's one in a hundred.
00:36:55Come on.
00:36:56We've got eight minutes till he starts banging on these milos.
00:36:59And you think eight won't be enough?
00:37:09Well.
00:37:11Good for them.
00:37:13Yeah.
00:37:20Do you think good robots go to heaven?
00:37:22Maybe.
00:37:25I hope so.
00:37:29So what's your story?
00:37:30How do you mean?
00:37:31What are you running from?
00:37:33I'm not running from anything.
00:37:35Well, who then?
00:37:37Look, you're a nice guy, Griffo, but I'm not about to cry on your shoulder.
00:37:40So what do you reckon they're doing in there?
00:37:45What do you mean, they?
00:37:47Do you guys fucking mind?
00:37:49Some privacy?
00:37:50Yeah, fine.
00:37:51Of course.
00:37:52Fucking perverts.
00:37:53Oh, God.
00:37:58Shit.
00:38:06Oh, God.
00:38:06Was this on the schedule?
00:38:10They'll finish up soon, won't they?
00:38:13What, are you in a hurry to get back in there?
00:38:14It's hot out here. I'm sure we could get used to the sound. How bad could it be?
00:38:22We can wait.
00:38:24Oh! Oh, that's it! Oh, work it, big boy!
00:38:34Are you gonna say anything? Are they gonna think I'm a dud rouge?
00:38:37Oh, yeah! Whee! Yeah! Right, I'm Cowboy!
00:38:42Where am I?
00:38:44Is that how you have sex?
00:38:46No, I normally use my dick too.
00:38:50Why are we doing this again?
00:38:52Bored. Plus, I've got a reputation to maintain.
00:38:56You didn't really think we were gonna have sex, did you?
00:38:59No, of course not.
00:39:01You might want to put those back on then.
00:39:03Yeah, gotcha.
00:39:07You like kids?
00:39:08Which ones? I mean, I don't really know any.
00:39:10I only really care about this one.
00:39:11Well, it's hard to say. I mean, he's neither here nor there, is he?
00:39:14I reckon he's great.
00:39:15He talks to me sometimes.
00:39:17He says he wants a daddy.
00:39:20Shit.
00:39:21I couldn't talk until I was at least four.
00:39:23Would anyone mind if I stop using that room for my one-on-ones?
00:39:27I think ol' Roger and Jane have already used it for that.
00:39:30No, I think we already got that one, Stevie.
00:39:32It's Steven.
00:39:33I prefer Stevie.
00:39:34Stop it, will ya?
00:39:36Stevie.
00:39:37What kind of a name is Griffo?
00:39:39What's your first name anyway? It's probably stupid.
00:39:41Steven?
00:39:42Stupid.
00:39:43Sounds like someone needs a hug.
00:39:47Am I gonna need my rape whistle?
00:39:49Need is such a strong word.
00:39:53Well wait, I think they might have, um...
00:39:59Think they might have found their second wind.
00:40:01Looks like they've sent a new benchmark for us, Stevie.
00:40:04Do you like pickles?
00:40:16Yeah, I got one.
00:40:17What do you do if a bird shits on your car?
00:40:20No, wash it off, move it.
00:40:22What are you doing, jokes or domestic tips?
00:40:25You don't take her out again.
00:40:31Why would a woman crap on your car?
00:40:33No, she wouldn't.
00:40:34That's why it's funny.
00:40:35You suck!
00:40:36It was funny, alright?
00:40:37And I know funny.
00:40:38And that was it.
00:40:39Funny.
00:40:40Well why don't you take your material on the road, Stevie?
00:40:43Well it's not ready.
00:40:52Those guys are mean.
00:40:53Poor Stevie.
00:40:54Don't you start.
00:40:55What's wrong with Stevie?
00:40:56Who cares what people call you?
00:40:57It's just a name.
00:40:58You could call me Uncle Wensledale if you wanted to.
00:41:01I already have an Uncle Wensledale.
00:41:02That'd be really confusing.
00:41:03Poor guy's got enough trouble as it is.
00:41:05I think we could sort something out.
00:41:06The point is, it's just a name.
00:41:08So who cares?
00:41:09Because it's not just Stevie.
00:41:11It's...
00:41:12Stevie!
00:41:13If you knew my brother you'd understand.
00:41:15Still no girls, eh Stevie?
00:41:17Out of tissues again, Stevie?
00:41:19No, I don't have any old socks, Stevie.
00:41:21Why would you want an old sock?
00:41:23You're a loser, Stevie.
00:41:25Yes Stevie, a total loser.
00:41:27You wanna go have sex on his bed, babe?
00:41:29Oh yeah, but only if he's not in it.
00:41:32I love you, Michael.
00:41:34Well I love me too, babe.
00:41:36Hey, is that one supposed to be his wife?
00:41:41Nah, that's both him.
00:41:42He's really lonely.
00:41:43So what's his wife like then?
00:41:45She's alright.
00:41:46He keeps you in line pretty well.
00:41:47The old left hook here, the right hook there.
00:41:50Are you serious?
00:41:52Do you think that's funny?
00:41:54No.
00:41:55Um, not for her anyway.
00:41:56No, you're right.
00:41:57Spousal abuse is hilarious.
00:41:59Hey, you got any good ones on pedophilia?
00:42:01No.
00:42:02Well actually, no.
00:42:06Look, just try and keep the wife beating jokes under wraps, yeah?
00:42:10So, like were you?
00:42:15What does that matter?
00:42:16What, oh it's okay to impersonate a blind person because they can't see you?
00:42:20Physical comedy isn't really my thing.
00:42:21No, gutless sarcasm seems a better fit.
00:42:23Hey, I'm sorry alright?
00:42:25I'm just nervous.
00:42:26I don't do this sort of stuff very often.
00:42:29Oh, give me a break.
00:42:30Do you know why you feel like people treat you like a kid?
00:42:32It's because you act like one.
00:42:34You go around acting like everything's someone else's fault.
00:42:37But the truth is, you can't blame anyone else on you being a loser, Stevie.
00:42:41That's just you.
00:42:45Fair enough.
00:43:07You're paying for that, Stevie?
00:43:10Yep.
00:43:11Good day.
00:43:17No, come on.
00:43:18They're either very good or very clumsy.
00:43:20Got old to finish by now.
00:43:22Had a shower.
00:43:23Had a nap.
00:43:24Made a sandwich.
00:43:25And rolled Stevie's mum over by now.
00:43:27Shh.
00:43:28I think they've stopped.
00:43:30Okay.
00:43:35We're going.
00:43:36You bunch of losers are making my baby depressed.
00:43:39What's that?
00:43:40Yeah.
00:43:41They are pathetic.
00:43:42See ya.
00:43:43Thanks, Kingsley.
00:43:52It's a shame Jane left when she did moan.
00:43:54I see some real magic happening between you two, John.
00:43:57No offence, Griffo, but I'm beginning to understand why you drive trucks for a living.
00:44:03Is it because I rock?
00:44:08Things seem to be going well with it.
00:44:09Sure, yeah.
00:44:10Great.
00:44:12Sorry, who?
00:44:13Michelle.
00:44:14Jeez, mate.
00:44:15Blind Freddy could see you've got a thing for it.
00:44:16Yeah, well, let's hope he's mute Freddy then too, eh?
00:44:19You don't want her knowing your key?
00:44:20I don't want him talking to her first.
00:44:22Chicks dig blind guys.
00:44:23And mute guys, mind you.
00:44:24So, yeah, I'm screwed either way.
00:44:27It's just a figure of speech, you know.
00:44:29Figure of speech?
00:44:30Pretty harsh thing to say about a mute, mate.
00:44:32Carrie.
00:44:33Carrie, hey, you gonna come down?
00:44:37No, no, we're still going.
00:44:38No, we're definitely kicking on.
00:44:41Me?
00:44:42I'm outside.
00:44:43Yeah, yeah, it's bedlam in there.
00:44:46These guys are crazy.
00:44:47Your toes itchy?
00:44:48Itchy.
00:44:49No, there's still plenty of time.
00:44:50You should come down.
00:44:51We'd all love to have you here.
00:44:52Please.
00:44:53Yeah, of course.
00:44:54How long are you here for?
00:44:55I thought it must have been something like that.
00:44:57Of course.
00:44:58Maybe next time, yeah?
00:44:59Yeah.
00:45:00Yeah.
00:45:01Let me ask you something.
00:45:02Do I look like the kind of guy who's had a lot of experience with women?
00:45:03Well...
00:45:04Well...
00:45:05Well, you know, this may shock you, but I haven't.
00:45:08So a girl like Michelle walks in here, and things seem to be going great, and I take one false
00:45:37false move and...
00:45:39Carnage.
00:45:40It doesn't get any easy with practice.
00:45:42Are you serious?
00:45:43Yeah.
00:45:44It's like this.
00:45:45I've been married to one for five years, and I get home on Monday, and she's all hugs
00:45:48and kisses and cooked dinners.
00:45:50I get home on Tuesday, and she's snarls and cold shoulders, and I'm sleeping on the couch.
00:45:55You know what's different between Monday and Tuesday?
00:45:57What?
00:45:58Nothing.
00:45:59That's the point.
00:46:00Why don't you just divorce her?
00:46:02Yeah.
00:46:03Who's got the energy for that?
00:46:04It'd be so much easier if just guys could get with other guys.
00:46:11So you want to go for a drink or something later on?
00:46:15I can't keep doing this.
00:46:18Well, you won't have to for much longer.
00:46:21We're all but done in there.
00:46:23Not that.
00:46:24Just generally.
00:46:25I can't keep pretending that things are going to be okay.
00:46:28It's just one more person, mate.
00:46:31The day's halfway over anyway.
00:46:33I can't get it.
00:46:34Today was about her.
00:46:36She's not just one more person.
00:46:37She's Mike's fiancee.
00:46:39What?
00:46:40You were trying to impress your ex with speed dating?
00:46:43No.
00:46:44Yes.
00:46:45I don't know.
00:46:47Probably just wanted to show that I was getting on with life and doing alright.
00:46:51So wait.
00:46:53The rest of us.
00:46:55The ones that actually came along.
00:46:57We were just here to impress your ex.
00:46:59Can't this wait, mate.
00:47:00No, it can't.
00:47:01What kind of selfish fuck whistle?
00:47:03Put half a dozen people through this for his own petty need.
00:47:06It wasn't just about that.
00:47:07It was supposed to be a chance for all of us.
00:47:09Bullshit.
00:47:10Bullshit.
00:47:11You want me to apologise?
00:47:12Ah, forget it.
00:47:13No, no.
00:47:14You're right.
00:47:15The guilt's been killing me.
00:47:16I'm sorry for putting you through this.
00:47:18I'm sorry for wasting time you didn't need and money you didn't spend.
00:47:22Take a look at yourself, mate.
00:47:23Just all a big cop-out, isn't it?
00:47:25You don't know me.
00:47:26Don't pretend you know me, you cocky shit.
00:47:28I know you'd written this off before you even got here, mate.
00:47:31What kind of attitude is that?
00:47:32Look at me.
00:47:33What?
00:47:34I'm supposed to take today seriously?
00:47:36What'd be the point in that?
00:47:37Yeah, all just too hard, isn't it?
00:47:39Take a step off your high horse, mate.
00:47:41Today's just been a sad, pathetic joke.
00:47:43And while we're talking about sad, pathetic jokes,
00:47:46why don't you take a look at yourself?
00:47:48You're a laughing stock.
00:47:49A bloody embarrassment.
00:47:51And you judge me.
00:47:52At least I'm trying.
00:47:53I'd rather try and fail than sit around and cry about it.
00:47:56Leave it, Kings.
00:47:57What about you then, John?
00:48:00What about me?
00:48:01You know better.
00:48:02You've both just given up.
00:48:04Is this what the future holds, is it?
00:48:06What are you saying, Kingsley?
00:48:07I'm really sorry that you lost your wife, mate.
00:48:09But it doesn't mean you just start batting for stums.
00:48:12Staying here and being miserable doesn't bring her back, John.
00:48:15And she wouldn't want you to stay if you're not happy.
00:48:17Just stop it, mate.
00:48:18Look, I'll play along and watch you try and fix our problems with these childish games.
00:48:22But I draw the line at you telling me what my wife would think.
00:48:28How did it get to this?
00:48:30For any of us.
00:48:32I don't want to be like this.
00:48:37Hey.
00:48:38Are we going to finish this thing off?
00:48:41Yeah.
00:48:42Everything's fine.
00:48:43We'll be in a minute.
00:48:45Whenever you're ready.
00:48:50Look.
00:48:52I'm sorry, guys.
00:48:54Just hasn't been my day, you know.
00:48:56Don't worry, mate.
00:48:58It hasn't been anybody's day.
00:49:12Okay.
00:49:13I've lost track.
00:49:15Has everybody had the chance to talk to everybody yet?
00:49:17I think so.
00:49:18Right.
00:49:19It's up to you guys then.
00:49:20Do we want to stick around a bit longer to finish the wine off?
00:49:24Oh, not me.
00:49:25My ride's here.
00:49:26Right.
00:49:27Sounds like the final siren to me.
00:49:28I'm going to start packing away.
00:49:34Hey.
00:49:35I'm sorry for losing it before.
00:49:37I was too harsh.
00:49:38I just...
00:49:39Nah, that's alright.
00:49:40You're right about most of it anyway.
00:49:44Hey, Steven.
00:49:46You'll come past the roadhouse sometime, right?
00:49:48I can give you a free Chico Roll.
00:49:50Honestly,
00:49:51I don't actually like Chico Rolls.
00:49:54Does anyone?
00:49:55Sorry, Michelle.
00:49:56I think you left your phone.
00:49:57Oh, thanks.
00:50:07Are you fucking insane?
00:50:09We're not still doing this, are we?
00:50:10No, mate.
00:50:12I've got no idea what you're doing, I'm afraid.
00:50:15You alright?
00:50:16Yeah.
00:50:18How'd it go?
00:50:19It's good.
00:50:20Good group.
00:50:27Kingsley, what do you want this?
00:50:29Am I missing something here?
00:50:30It's not going to happen, okay?
00:50:31I'm way out of my depth.
00:50:32And do you really think a girl like that is going to stick around with me?
00:50:35Mate, you're asking the wrong blokes.
00:50:37Just like Jason was saying.
00:50:38He's married.
00:50:39He's no happier than any of us.
00:50:41Yeah, well, Steven, I didn't mean he should just give up.
00:50:43Hey, Steven, you know why I organised today?
00:50:46Because I know what it's like to have someone.
00:50:48I mean, it all fell apart and that was hard.
00:50:51Really hard.
00:50:52But I'd give anything to have another go at it.
00:50:53Would you?
00:50:55Why?
00:50:56He's right, Steven.
00:50:57Being at the top and the bottom.
00:50:58It's worth it, mate.
00:51:02Hallelujah.
00:51:04Hallelujah.
00:51:05Hallelujah.
00:51:06Hallelujah.
00:51:07Hallelujah.
00:51:13What was that sound?
00:51:14He makes his own CDs.
00:51:15He's very good.
00:51:17Little brother.
00:51:18How goes it?
00:51:19Yes, good.
00:51:20Good conference as far as conferences go.
00:51:22Okay.
00:51:23Any luck with the dating?
00:51:24I do live in this area too, you know.
00:51:26Never hear the end of this, will I?
00:51:28Why, what'd you do?
00:51:29He let one off the hook, mate.
00:51:30Oh, rookie mistake, Pumpkin.
00:51:32Gotta reel him in like a four-foot snapper, Stevie.
00:51:34I never ever reeled in a four-foot snapper.
00:51:36What do you expect, a virgin party?
00:51:37I thought you didn't want another one.
00:51:38I never had a virgin party.
00:51:39Of course you didn't.
00:51:40Stevie.
00:51:42You're gonna give our family a bad name.
00:51:44And let's face it, Stevie.
00:51:46Your name can't afford to get anything worse.
00:51:49Right, so where's this girl?
00:51:51She's gone home with her mum.
00:51:52Why, and where does she live?
00:51:53No, we don't know.
00:51:54Too bad.
00:51:55Can't say we didn't try though.
00:51:56I'm sorry.
00:51:59Yeah, I'm sure I smell a pussy nearby.
00:52:01Might be mistaking it for a four-foot snapper.
00:52:03No, I definitely smell a pussy.
00:52:05You can get an ointment for that.
00:52:07She's on Lime Street.
00:52:08Lime Street?
00:52:09Not like Lame Street.
00:52:11No, I don't know it.
00:52:12Don't know it.
00:52:13Kim used to live on Lime Street.
00:52:14Used to spend every second night with Kim.
00:52:15Did you and Kim get up to any funny business?
00:52:16Kim's a guy.
00:52:17That's why I'm asking.
00:52:18Hey, that's my faggot younger brother you're talking about there.
00:52:19Lime Street.
00:52:20Classic.
00:52:21Classic.
00:52:22Classic.
00:52:23Classic.
00:52:24Classic.
00:52:25Classic.
00:52:31Classic.
00:52:32That's my faggot younger brother you're talking about there.
00:52:33That's my faggot younger brother you're talking about there.
00:52:38I love this.
00:52:39It's a faggot younger brother.
00:52:40I love the sound.
00:52:45I love the sound.
00:52:46I love the sound.
00:52:53Let's go.
00:52:55No.
00:52:56No.
00:52:57No.
00:52:58No.
00:52:59No.
00:53:01No.
00:53:02No.
00:53:03No.
00:53:04No.
00:53:05No.
00:53:06No.
00:53:07Oh, there's that drought relief.
00:53:24Why do you do that?
00:53:26Back at the conference.
00:53:28Why can't you ever let me have my own thing?
00:53:31I was only messing around.
00:53:33How else am I supposed to have fun around here?
00:53:35Aside from being a wanker, I don't know.
00:53:37What?
00:53:38Spoiler always has to be on you, eh?
00:53:40Fuck off, I'm driving you to see this girl, aren't I?
00:53:43Yeah, but did you ask me if I wanted to go?
00:53:46Go on, get it off your chest.
00:53:48Nah, don't worry about it. Let's go.
00:53:50Do you want to see this girl or not?
00:53:53Well, I'd like to be able to decipher myself.
00:53:56Ooh, sprouted some testicles, huh?
00:53:58Good for you.
00:54:01Fine, what do you want to do?
00:54:04Take me there, just don't get any ideas of your own about her.
00:54:08Mate, I've got a woman.
00:54:10Besides, she's interested in you, I'm way out of her league.
00:54:24Hey?
00:54:25Drop me home.
00:54:26You never let me drive your car.
00:54:28Just because I'm not a very good bloke, you're gonna drop me home or what?
00:54:30Hell yeah.
00:54:31I'm sick of the sight of you.
00:54:39I'm gonna embarrass myself, aren't I?
00:54:42We're only ever gonna tell you this once, right?
00:54:45But it's possible a woman could actually like you.
00:54:48Thanks.
00:54:49Don't get carried away, I'm talking relatives.
00:54:52The elderly.
00:54:53Kenny G.
00:54:54Your mother.
00:54:55Our mother?
00:54:56What the fuck's wrong with you, Stevie?
00:54:57Why?
00:54:58She's hot.
00:55:00I know.
00:55:02Too bad Dad got in first, I guess.
00:55:04Yeah.
00:55:05And the whole giving birth to us thing, that's kind of a bit weird, eh?
00:55:08Maybe.
00:55:09Yeah.
00:55:10Thanks.
00:55:20This was a mistake.
00:55:22You need to go home.
00:55:23I am home.
00:55:24I don't think you're happy.
00:55:25It's nothing to do with being out here.
00:55:27I like it out here.
00:55:28I do.
00:55:29So what then?
00:55:30There's nothing to tell.
00:55:31And besides, you've got enough going on without-
00:55:32It's my job to worry about you, not the other way around.
00:55:45I don't mind.
00:55:46I do.
00:55:47Because it's affecting you.
00:55:48I know you think you're being strong.
00:55:51But you can let your guard down now and then.
00:55:55It wasn't your fault, Mum.
00:55:58None of it.
00:56:02I know.
00:56:07Thanks for your help, guys.
00:56:09It means a lot.
00:56:10And look, I still can't apologise enough for before, guys.
00:56:13I hope there's no hard feelings, Griffo.
00:56:15Who can be bothered with that shit?
00:56:17Your jokes, on the other hand.
00:56:19I thought they were funny.
00:56:20I laughed.
00:56:21I felt sick for a bit.
00:56:25Did you hear from your ex, mate?
00:56:27Yeah.
00:56:28Not coming.
00:56:29Just here for work, apparently.
00:56:30That sucks.
00:56:31Sorry.
00:56:32No.
00:56:33Should have seen that coming.
00:56:34Plenty more out there, right?
00:56:41Oh, damn.
00:56:42I think Michelle must have taken my phone.
00:56:44This isn't my Care Bear wallpaper.
00:56:46No, it's mine.
00:56:49Only joking.
00:56:50It's Michelle's.
00:56:51I've just got the same wallpaper.
00:56:52Closer.
00:56:53I guess I'll be making a detour.
00:56:55I've got to go that way anyway.
00:56:56You can just follow me if you like.
00:56:58I know where Lime Street is.
00:56:59Lime Street?
00:57:00Mall...
00:57:07Yeah, that sounds best.
00:57:08You guys right for tomorrow cup?
00:57:10Yeah, go.
00:57:21What?
00:57:22Nothing.
00:57:27Hey, Michelle.
00:57:29Hey, Michelle.
00:57:32Hey, Michelle.
00:57:33Hey, Michelle.
00:57:34Michelle.
00:57:35Michelle, I'll set you in control.
00:57:38Hey, Michelle, what's the happy happens?
00:57:40Well, finally I took a look around.
00:57:43Instead of staring at the pavement.
00:57:46Oh, she says a lot of things.
00:57:50She says a lot of things.
00:58:04You're back at it tomorrow?
00:58:06Yep.
00:58:07Another day of thrills, spills and caffeine pills.
00:58:11Caffeine pills?
00:58:13You only drive four hours a day.
00:58:15Yeah, well, I'll take them when I get home.
00:58:18Gives me a buzz when I redo my crosswords.
00:58:21It's awesome.
00:58:25He was right, you know.
00:58:27Who?
00:58:28You know damn well who.
00:58:30Yeah, well, I was hoping you didn't.
00:58:37I might, uh, sell her.
00:58:40What?
00:58:41That's a bit extreme.
00:58:43So what if he was right?
00:58:44What do you mean, so what if he was right?
00:58:46You'd want to do something about it, wouldn't you?
00:58:49Yeah, well what are you going to do?
00:58:50I don't know.
00:58:52Anything.
00:58:53I just don't want to hate this place.
00:58:54This was our escape, you know?
00:58:57It's lonely out here.
00:59:00Yeah.
00:59:02So come with me then.
00:59:04What?
00:59:05We could open a pottery store or something.
00:59:06A pottery store?
00:59:07Yeah, why not?
00:59:08You've lost it, John.
00:59:09Snap out of it.
00:59:10Ow.
00:59:12Feel better?
00:59:13No.
00:59:15You?
00:59:16Oh.
00:59:17That's smart.
00:59:38Confident.
00:59:43Confident.
00:59:45Confident.
00:59:46Confident.
00:59:48Hi, Stevie.
00:59:50Oh.
00:59:51Is this your house?
00:59:52This one, this is your house, eh?
00:59:54Confident, remember?
00:59:55Come on.
00:59:56Come inside.
00:59:57Oh, hey.
00:59:58I'm Stevie.
00:59:59Oh, Steven.
01:00:00Is Michelle around?
01:00:01Who?
01:00:02Mum?
01:00:03In here, Stevie.
01:00:04Mum?
01:00:05I think there's someone out the front.
01:00:06No.
01:00:07Can't see anyone.
01:00:08No.
01:00:09The, uh...
01:00:10Oh, mum.
01:00:11I think there's someone out the front.
01:00:12No.
01:00:13Can't see anyone.
01:00:14No.
01:00:15The, uh...
01:00:16No.
01:00:17The, uh...
01:00:18No.
01:00:19No.
01:00:20No.
01:00:21No.
01:00:22No.
01:00:23No.
01:00:24No.
01:00:25No.
01:00:26No.
01:00:27The, uh...
01:00:28Other front.
01:00:29Mum.
01:00:30Just...
01:00:31Go away.
01:00:34Oh.
01:00:35Oh, um...
01:00:36Actually, no.
01:00:37I think I can see him, Pop.
01:00:40So.
01:00:41What's going on?
01:00:42Nothing much.
01:00:43You?
01:00:44You came here to ask me that?
01:00:45No, but might as well ask you that now I'm here.
01:00:49It's, uh...
01:00:50It's a nice house you've got here.
01:00:52Very cosy.
01:00:53Yeah.
01:00:54And we got it for a steal too cos it's haunted.
01:00:56Oh really?
01:00:57No.
01:00:58It's just a superstition.
01:00:59I mean, the walls bleed from time to time.
01:01:01And you can hear a strange chanting coming from the conservatory.
01:01:04But that's just the way they built the houses in those days.
01:01:09Cut.
01:01:10Out.
01:01:13Look, is there something we need to talk about?
01:01:15Cos I'm pretty busy.
01:01:16Oh, I'm designing a website.
01:01:19We're becoming an e-road house.
01:01:20If you order a Chico Roll now, I can have it to you by Wednesday.
01:01:23$2.95 plus freight.
01:01:25Freight's $29.95.
01:01:27I'd rather not talk about Chico Rolls anymore.
01:01:30That's cos you don't understand them like I do.
01:01:34OK, sorry.
01:01:35What's going on?
01:01:36What's going on?
01:01:37Well, I came here because I just wanted to apologise.
01:01:41I know I touched a nerve with that joke before, and I'm sorry.
01:01:45It was inappropriate.
01:01:47Look, my dad tried to run my mum over with his car.
01:01:50And there was some other stuff too, but it's mainly the car thing.
01:01:53Oh, sorry.
01:01:54It's OK.
01:01:55You didn't try and run my mum over, did you?
01:01:56No.
01:01:57Well, maybe a little.
01:01:58I don't know.
01:01:59You set me up for that.
01:02:02Yeah, I did, but you'd think you'd learn.
01:02:04You would think so, wouldn't you?
01:02:05Look, the truth is, I kind of wanted you to screw things up.
01:02:08I mean, I make jokes about dad all the time.
01:02:10Mostly just a shit mum.
01:02:12She's so lucky to have you.
01:02:13Isn't she?
01:02:14I'm just, I'm not in the habit of giving guys chances.
01:02:17I don't like being let down.
01:02:19So, I kind of look for reasons to tell guys to piss off.
01:02:24Ah, especially losers, right?
01:02:25Hey, I said I was sorry.
01:02:26You're not that much of a loser.
01:02:28But you do throw the towel in awfully quickly.
01:02:30Yeah, well.
01:02:31Kind of made more sense this way though, you know?
01:02:34I'm pretty comfortable with the old failure with women.
01:02:38God, I am a loser.
01:02:39Yeah, you are.
01:02:41So, you gonna come and see me then?
01:02:43Yeah, sure.
01:02:47You OK?
01:02:48Yeah.
01:02:50No.
01:02:53None of it.
01:02:58You know, truth is I wouldn't even know what to do with a girlfriend if I had one.
01:03:01Well, neither would I, but it helps.
01:03:02Hey, we could look it up on the internet.
01:03:04You're a great help.
01:03:10OK, I've got an idea.
01:03:11Let's just start completely fresh.
01:03:13I don't think we...
01:03:14Stephen, we'll never change if we don't confront our fears.
01:03:16Is this the bit where I get locked in a room full of snakes or like trapped in an elevator with John Butler or something?
01:03:20Because I'm going to take the snakes.
01:03:23OK.
01:03:25Hi, I'm Michelle.
01:03:27I have some issues with guys, but I think you're OK.
01:03:31Hi, I'm Stephen.
01:03:33I'm a loser, but I'm OK with it.
01:03:35Oh, and I definitely think you're OK.
01:03:38See? Doesn't that make you feel better?
01:03:50OK.
01:03:54We're not kissing.
01:03:55No, no we're not.
01:03:56No.
01:03:58That's gross.
01:03:59You can get AIDS from that shit.
01:04:00Good, I'm relieved.
01:04:02I'm not looking for a boyfriend.
01:04:04Not yet.
01:04:05You came speed dating.
01:04:06Yeah, I wanted to meet some people.
01:04:07In case you ever notice, it's not very easy out here.
01:04:11So, can we just hang out then?
01:04:14Yeah.
01:04:16And what?
01:04:17You just want to hang out?
01:04:19That's it, just hang out.
01:04:21That's all you want?
01:04:22That's all.
01:04:24Stephen, you should have told me we're gay.
01:04:26No, no, no.
01:04:27You don't get it, so you're going to fall in love with me eventually.
01:04:30Oh, don't hold your breath.
01:04:31I know it, you will.
01:04:32You've come a long way from that guy who was pumping himself up in the car a minute ago.
01:04:36Is that a wanking reference?
01:04:37No, why would it be?
01:04:38Depends how long you were standing there, I guess.
01:04:40Ew!
01:04:42So you're actually going to stay out here?
01:04:43Yeah, for a while at least.
01:04:45You?
01:04:46Yeah.
01:04:47A country boy like me wouldn't make it in the big smoke.
01:04:49You're an idiot.
01:04:50Am I an idiot, Michelle?
01:04:51Or am I a stud burger?
01:04:54You're an idiot.
01:04:55Maybe.
01:04:56You take care of yourself, eh?
01:05:03I'll come see you sometime.
01:05:26Come on.
01:05:29We haveぁ.
01:05:34whisky
01:05:41a
01:05:42a
01:05:44I don't know.
01:06:14Oh, it's just a rat.
01:06:22There'll be plenty more.
01:06:23Christ, what's that?
01:06:25I topped myself?
01:06:26No such luck, I'm afraid.
01:06:27If I haven't done it before today, what makes you think I'd do it now?
01:06:30Anyway, we've got this pottery store to start up.
01:06:34I want to shoot a rat.
01:06:35I like taking business off Kingsley.
01:06:37Anyway, you better get back to your pub.
01:06:40If I get there and you're not there to serve me a beer,
01:06:42I might have to get my gun out again.
01:06:48I'm going to have to get somebody else for my pottery store.
01:06:50Well, she is popular today.
01:07:17Oh, she took my phone.
01:07:19I'm Kingsley.
01:07:20You're Michelle's mother, are you?
01:07:21Yeah, that's right.
01:07:22Well, I'm Michelle's mum.
01:07:23Oh, sorry, Leah.
01:07:24You can call me Leah.
01:07:25No problem.
01:07:25Nice to meet you, Leah.
01:07:26You too.
01:07:27This is Jason.
01:07:28Hi, Jason.
01:07:28Hi.
01:07:29Can I still call you Michelle's mum?
01:07:30Oh.
01:07:31Well, if she's got his phone, what are you doing here?
01:07:35Oh, he's not from around here.
01:07:36I'm just making sure he finds a place.
01:07:37Oh, that's sweet.
01:07:38That is sweet.
01:07:39Oh, shut up, mate.
01:07:40I'm not that sweet.
01:07:41Well, look, Michelle's through here.
01:07:42Do you want to come and grab a drink or something?
01:07:47This is getting embarrassing, boys.
01:07:49Oh, you took my phone.
01:07:50I've got yours.
01:07:53Right, well, I'd better get home and write a few thousand words about something.
01:07:56You're not going to write about the split dating?
01:07:57No.
01:07:58You don't still want me to?
01:08:00Probably not.
01:08:00I didn't think so.
01:08:02Well, thanks for that.
01:08:03And it was great to meet you all.
01:08:05Make sure you invite me to the next one.
01:08:07Thanks.
01:08:08Thanks.
01:08:08Bye.
01:08:09Bye.
01:08:09See you.
01:08:09Bye.
01:08:12Is this a house?
01:08:13It was a daycare or something until recently, I think.
01:08:16Well, where are the cages?
01:08:17What?
01:08:18Oh, I must have gone to a different daycare.
01:08:22Anyway, thanks, mate.
01:08:23It was nice to have a cool head there today.
01:08:25I guess that's why you found someone, eh, you lucky bastard?
01:08:28Lucky.
01:08:29It's all went over, mate.
01:08:30I'm not even living there at the moment.
01:08:32What?
01:08:33It's not working.
01:08:35We're just going through the motions.
01:08:36You still love her?
01:08:37I don't know.
01:08:39I used to.
01:08:41I guess so.
01:08:42I said some things I shouldn't have said.
01:08:43And then apologise.
01:08:44Although I mentioned one, again.
01:08:46Is this you winning?
01:08:46I've got to have my dignity.
01:08:48Dignity.
01:08:49You just watched a handful of middle-aged blokes spend their afternoon doing speed dating.
01:08:53You think there's dignity in that?
01:08:54Come on, you wouldn't understand.
01:08:55I understand.
01:08:56I've been there too, mate.
01:08:58Long time ago now.
01:08:59Yeah.
01:08:59This is what dignity's worth.
01:09:01Sorry.
01:09:01Sorry, Kingsley.
01:09:02That's not me.
01:09:04Of course not.
01:09:06Didn't used to be me either.
01:09:08All the best, mate.
01:09:09By the way, I think it's great what you're trying to do for the place.
01:09:19Oh, thanks.
01:09:20It didn't really work out.
01:09:22Um, look, if you're ever going to do one of those speed dating things again, and you can't
01:09:28find anyone else, I'll go with you.
01:09:31Oh, that's not really how speed dating works.
01:09:32You're not really supposed to date.
01:09:35Yeah.
01:09:36Sorry about that.
01:09:37I've done often talked.
01:09:39I'd like that.
01:09:41I'll drop in and say hi sometime.
01:09:44Okay.
01:09:51What was that?
01:09:53Oh, it was just rubbish.
01:09:56I'll see you around.
01:09:57Okay.
01:09:58Bye.
01:10:01I'm not calling you dad.
01:10:02You're a shitster.
01:10:04I could have been so much happier if you finally came in a smile more than a while.
01:10:17I didn't know that I fit in.
01:10:19Step now and then.
01:10:22Oh, she says a lot of things.
01:10:25She says a lot of things that I can.
01:10:29Hi.
01:10:32Hello, Louise.
01:10:34Hello, Louise.
01:10:34It's me.
01:10:37I want to see you.
01:10:41Yeah, I'll miss you.
01:10:45That's you, boy.
01:10:48Thanks.
01:10:48Thanks.
01:10:48Thanks.
01:10:55You weren't trying to.
01:11:05You weren't trying to.
01:11:05You weren't trying to.
01:11:05And I'm going to hold love.
01:11:08Still thought it's stronghold.
01:11:12Somewhere inside your tired heart.
01:11:17Okay.
01:11:29Jamтесь.
01:11:30We'll be back at the prison end.
01:11:34A little bit, a little bit more, baby.
01:11:36A little more, a little more time, baby.
01:11:39A little bit, a little bit of nothing.
01:11:42A little piece, a little piece of my pain
01:11:45A little bit, a little bit more, please
01:11:49A little more, a little more something
01:11:52A little bit, a little bit of everything
01:11:55A little piece, a little piece of mine
01:12:00Oh, I don't want to cry
01:12:07I have to go in the last day
01:12:11Stephen's pretty cute though
01:12:13Yeah, but Mum, he's the biggest loser in the world
01:12:16I'm taking you to dinner tomorrow night
01:12:22Be ready at seven
01:12:23Okay
01:12:32Great
01:12:34Bye Dad
01:12:41Shut up, you
01:12:43We're going to get our plane on the side of it.
01:12:49OK.
01:12:50We're going to get out of the way we can.
01:12:52Yes, you are.
01:12:53OK.
01:12:53I'll go to this side of the way.
01:12:54I'll go to the side of the way.
01:12:57I'll turn it over again.
01:12:59Here I'm going to get out of the way.
01:13:04OK.
01:13:05Can I see you later?
01:13:07OK.
01:13:07OK.
01:13:09I was never in the right frame of mind
01:13:27When I told you the truth
01:13:30I told you that I need you
01:13:34We were never on the right track
01:13:40From the very start
01:13:42You broken hearted
01:13:45Little misguided youth
01:13:48Now it's old news
01:13:53Was it something I said
01:13:55While we were having a good time
01:14:00And I could do it all over again
01:14:04What's he saying about the breakup?
01:14:06Who's Kinsley's?
01:14:07Kinsley. Sorry guys.
01:14:11Hi, I'm Stephen. You're Kinsley.
01:14:14Fine. Fantasy... Oh, shit.
01:14:17Hey?
01:14:19Did he bring his tie? Oh, fuck. Sorry.
01:14:23Her name is Laurie.
01:14:24Wow.
01:14:26Shit.
01:14:28I can't take it seriously.
01:14:29Whoa.
01:14:31Oh, fuck.
01:14:32I can't do it.
01:14:33Oh, fuck.
01:14:40Yes!
01:14:42Shh.
01:14:43Do you want to act?
01:14:45Are you drunk?
01:14:48Like this.
01:14:50Yeah.
01:14:50Just helps me think.
01:14:52Drink.
01:14:54Oh, for fuck's sake.
01:14:59What the f**k?
01:15:09What the f**k?
01:15:23Bang!
01:15:24No!
01:15:25What?
01:15:30Just a rag?
01:15:32You've got any more!
01:15:34What?
01:15:35Did you think I'd top myself?
01:15:40Steven, I didn't mean to think you should stuff that up.
01:15:46Is everything okay?
01:15:48I smiled!
01:15:49Shit!
01:15:50I'm sorry!
01:15:51Hey!
01:15:54Are we going to finish this thing off?
01:15:56Yeah, in a second.
01:15:57Just need to afford a few things out.
01:15:59I'm really sorry.
01:16:01I don't even need this for sound.
01:16:03Hey!
01:16:04Is everything okay?
01:16:05Yeah, in a second.
01:16:06Just need to afford a few things out.
01:16:08I didn't say the right line.
01:16:09Hey!
01:16:10Yeah, in a second.
01:16:11Just need to afford a few things out.
01:16:12Yeah, in a second.
01:16:13Just need to afford a few things out.
01:16:16I didn't say the right line.
01:16:17Hey!
01:16:18I'm cutting!
01:16:19Hey!
01:16:20Are we going to finish this thing off?
01:16:24Yeah, in a second.
01:16:25Just need to afford a few things out.
01:16:27Yeah.
01:16:28Everything okay?
01:16:29When you're ready.
01:16:32When you're ready.