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Short filmTranscript
00:00:30Oh, my bad.
00:00:36Hello?
00:00:37Cheryl, we have to talk about our birthday plans.
00:00:40I mean, it's only two days away, and we still haven't decided the perfect way to celebrate.
00:00:44So, I was thinking, maybe we could all take a trip to...
00:00:48Sue, um, I meant to tell you before, but I wanted to be sure.
00:00:52Um, I think I'm going to spend my birthday with Jake.
00:00:56Uh, I'm going to lose my virginity to him.
00:00:58You know, I want to surprise him.
00:01:00What?
00:01:01But you can't.
00:01:02I mean, I thought we were going to wait until marriage.
00:01:06Besides, you can't do that to us.
00:01:07You can't break tradition that way.
00:01:11This is bad.
00:01:12You know, I'm going to tell Lexi.
00:01:13She's going to be very unhappy about this.
00:01:22Come on, Lexi.
00:01:23So, girls, what are we going to do for our birthday?
00:01:41Sue, we have plenty of time to figure something out.
00:01:44But this is the big 1-8.
00:01:47I mean, every year since our mom's met in the hospital, we've done something new and special.
00:01:50But this has to be newer and more special.
00:01:54So, what's something we've never done before?
00:01:57Mushrooms?
00:01:58No, not like that.
00:01:59Like something nice.
00:02:01Like maybe a trip.
00:02:02Like a mushroom trip?
00:02:04No.
00:02:04Sorry, Sue.
00:02:08I have a date.
00:02:09So do I.
00:02:11Sorry, Sue.
00:02:12Don't worry, Sue.
00:02:13We'll figure it out.
00:02:25Oh, flowers.
00:02:26Are these from you?
00:02:27Yeah, sure.
00:02:30Here you go.
00:02:32No card, but I thought I saw one.
00:02:34I didn't know how to put my feelings into words.
00:02:37I guess, um, you still make me nervous.
00:02:42Oh, Jake.
00:02:47Maybe I should come in and hang out for a minute.
00:02:50Uh, no, Jake, not yet.
00:02:52When we do it, I want it to be really special.
00:02:54The best night of my life.
00:02:56It will be, I promise.
00:02:58It'll always be amazing with you and me together.
00:03:04Jake, no, I have to go.
00:03:11I have to work on my art project.
00:03:14You know, I thought art was going to be a really easy elective,
00:03:16but I guess I should have taken more math.
00:03:20Uh, so you're going to come to my birthday, okay?
00:03:23The Saturday?
00:03:24Of course.
00:03:24Thanks.
00:03:30Okay, bye.
00:03:40Nothing, nothing, nothing.
00:03:42Oh, baby, you're so hot.
00:03:45I'm going to do you so good.
00:03:46Oh, yeah, baby.
00:03:47Yeah.
00:03:48What was your name again?
00:03:49Rod.
00:03:50Sex guy.
00:03:50Lexi is so upset, she's speechless.
00:03:59Yeah, right, I bet.
00:04:07Cheryl's losing her virginity on Saturday?
00:04:10Oh, no.
00:04:11Does not compute.
00:04:13Want to talk in person ASAP.
00:04:15Oh, huh.
00:04:19Hi.
00:04:22When did you get home?
00:04:23So is it true?
00:04:24Yes, it is.
00:04:26It's just, it's the right time and Jake's the right man.
00:04:30I mean, he's handsome and smart and wealthy,
00:04:35and he has a really bright future ahead of him.
00:04:37So I just think it's the right time.
00:04:39Lexi, tell her, losing our virginity is one of those milestones we should all face together.
00:04:45On our birthday, yes, but not on this birthday.
00:04:47Like, maybe on our 23rd birthday, or maybe even like our 29th, 8th, maybe.
00:04:55Listen, guys, I know it's tradition, but I'm sorry.
00:05:02I know it's tradition, but I'm sorry.
00:05:05Sorry.
00:05:09But Cheryl, Sue is right.
00:05:13We do always do something special on our birthday.
00:05:17Does Jake really have such a tiny little needle dip?
00:05:20It's not Jake.
00:05:22It's the male ideal.
00:05:24Like, a Greek god, or Sue's dad.
00:05:28Right.
00:05:30Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:05:32I mean, it kind of sucks.
00:05:33I'm not really an artist.
00:05:34Rose, can you just stop changing the subject?
00:05:37The point is, we should all lose our virginities together.
00:05:39On the same day.
00:05:40And I'm just not ready yet.
00:05:42I'm waiting for a sign.
00:05:44And then I'll know it's right.
00:05:45Look, I can go either way.
00:05:48I mean, I'm fine with just 69, 79, anal.
00:05:52I don't feel any rush to actually do the deed.
00:05:55Besides, I know it'll never live up to my rabbit anyway.
00:05:59But, if you want to do it this year, then maybe we all should.
00:06:03You know, it could be like our big 18th birthday thing.
00:06:10Where are you going at 6.30 in the morning?
00:06:13To church.
00:06:14To pray for you.
00:06:15I want to be first in line.
00:06:16I'm getting some sleep.
00:06:19Yeah, me too.
00:06:29Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
00:06:31It has been four days since my last confession.
00:06:33I accuse myself of the following sins.
00:06:35Mm-hmm.
00:06:36Okay, so I'm really embarrassed to talk about this, but it's about sex.
00:06:43Mm-hmm.
00:06:45I mean, not me.
00:06:47I've never gone past second base with a guy.
00:06:49Mm-hmm.
00:06:51I've never even seen a guy's...
00:06:53Well, there was that one time I took the pants off my Ken doll.
00:06:56But I was dressing him up as Jesus, and I wanted to see his thing.
00:07:00But there was nothing there.
00:07:04Okay, so it's about my friends.
00:07:06My best friends.
00:07:08They're going to do something really bad this weekend.
00:07:10Okay.
00:07:12Third base.
00:07:13What?
00:07:14No.
00:07:15Like, sex.
00:07:16Like, intercourse.
00:07:18With boys, they barely even know.
00:07:19I mean, they really need us intervention.
00:07:21If you know what I mean.
00:07:22All the way.
00:07:24Go all the way.
00:07:26What are you?
00:07:27What?
00:07:29Ah!
00:07:31How could you do that?
00:07:33You're a bad, bad person.
00:07:36What?
00:07:43Yes.
00:07:44Yes!
00:07:45Run!
00:07:46Run!
00:07:47Home route!
00:07:48Ah!
00:07:49Damn it!
00:07:52Oh, fucking Yankees.
00:07:53Oh, fucking Yankees.
00:07:55Sorry.
00:07:56Sorry.
00:07:56Sue, it is 1 p.m.
00:08:20What do you have a little consideration?
00:08:22I'm trying to sleep.
00:08:23Geez, can you guys please keep it down?
00:08:28I have an announcement to make.
00:08:29I want to do it.
00:08:32Do you hear me?
00:08:33I want to do it.
00:08:35This weekend.
00:08:36On our birthday.
00:08:37Do what?
00:08:39It.
00:08:40Screw.
00:08:41You know, screwing, boning, making the beast with two backs, you know, shagging, fucking.
00:08:50You do.
00:08:51But what about all your religious stuff and what about your sign from heaven?
00:08:56Oh, I got a sign at church.
00:08:58Really?
00:08:59Well, okay, great.
00:09:02We're all in then.
00:09:04So we'll have a big pool party and we'll do it there.
00:09:07Right?
00:09:08Right?
00:09:09Right.
00:09:10I'll start making the shopping list.
00:09:13Hey, Frank.
00:09:14Hi, Sue.
00:09:15Guys, we didn't invite Frank to the party.
00:09:17I don't know.
00:09:18Do you think he'd even have fun?
00:09:19Yeah.
00:09:20He's blind.
00:09:21Blind people can do everything regular people can do.
00:09:26We'll be back.
00:09:27Hey.
00:09:28Um, I was wondering.
00:09:29We're throwing this party tomorrow night.
00:09:31It's for our birthdays.
00:09:32You want to come?
00:09:33Do you think he can see at my short?
00:09:35Well, the house looks done.
00:09:36Tomorrow's the big day.
00:09:37We finally turn 18.
00:09:38And finally lose our birthday.
00:09:39We'll be back.
00:09:40We'll be back.
00:09:41Hey.
00:09:42Um, I was wondering.
00:09:43We're throwing this party tomorrow night.
00:09:44It's for our birthdays.
00:09:45Do you want to come?
00:09:46Do you think he can see at my short?
00:10:00Well, the house looks done.
00:10:02Tomorrow's the big day.
00:10:04We finally turn 18.
00:10:06We finally lose our virginity.
00:10:08Well, we better get our beady sleep because the party starts tomorrow at 2.
00:10:11So, okay.
00:10:12We know who Cheryl's gonna do it with.
00:10:14Jake.
00:10:15And I'll probably do that guy Rod.
00:10:16But Sue, who are you gonna pick?
00:10:18To pop your chair?
00:10:19It's easy.
00:10:20I've known for the past six years.
00:10:22Ever since catechism.
00:10:26What the fuck is catechism?
00:10:27I think it's a baby panda wrapped in peanut butter.
00:10:29Yeah.
00:10:37My soul mate.
00:10:42Chris?
00:10:43Sue, you might want to think about picking a backup.
00:10:47I mean...
00:10:48What?
00:10:49No, Chris is perfect.
00:10:50He played Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar last year at camp.
00:10:53Plus, his name's Chris.
00:10:54It's a sign.
00:10:55Sue, the only sign is that Chris has a major case of gay face.
00:11:00What?
00:11:01He does not.
00:11:02Anyway, there's no such thing as gay face.
00:11:04He looks just like Justin Bieber.
00:11:06With a little bit of Zac Efron and just a hint of Ryan Seacrest.
00:11:10Who the fuck's Ryan Seacrest?
00:11:12Look, Chris is my soul mate.
00:11:15Okay, well, sweet dreams.
00:11:17See you in the morning.
00:11:19I knew it would happen someday.
00:11:28I just didn't expect it to happen so soon.
00:11:49You're so perfect.
00:12:19I knew that's what I look like.
00:12:36Too bad no one could ever compare to you.
00:13:06Tomorrow's the day.
00:13:07Tomorrow's the day.
00:13:08Tomorrow's the day.
00:13:09Tomorrow's the day.
00:13:30Oh my gosh.
00:13:31They're coming.
00:13:32Lexi, Cheryl, hurry.
00:13:35Ew, why?
00:13:39It's for Jake to unwrap me.
00:13:41It's going to be really sexy.
00:13:42I'm going to surprise him.
00:13:44You're going to die of asphyxiation.
00:13:46He's going to be really sexy.
00:13:47It's stupid.
00:13:48Just screw him.
00:13:49That's what he wants.
00:13:50That's what all guys want.
00:13:51Who hurt you as a child?
00:13:53Oh, Christ.
00:13:54Can I wrap your mouth, too?
00:13:56Anyway, what guys want is someone who's sexy,
00:14:00not someone they can just have sex with.
00:14:01You're an idiot.
00:14:02I'm an idiot.
00:14:03A very smooth, plastic wrapped idiot.
00:14:06Seriously, come on.
00:14:08Hurry up.
00:14:09Oh, what a cool bracelet.
00:14:11I love it.
00:14:12Um, you should put that down, though, because it's like, it's very fragile.
00:14:21Yeah.
00:14:22Okay.
00:14:23Let's put it down.
00:14:24Hurry up.
00:14:25Okay.
00:14:26Cool.
00:14:27Those are your anal beads, right?
00:14:28Yeah.
00:14:29Yeah.
00:14:30That's right.
00:14:31Yeah.
00:14:32I thought so.
00:14:33Mmm.
00:14:34Oh, I just bought it.
00:14:35Oh, Jesus.
00:14:36Whoa!
00:14:37Hold up.
00:14:38Oh, we're going to have some fun.
00:14:39Oh, Attack of the Wet t-shirts.
00:14:40Nice.
00:14:41Happy birthday, Lex.
00:14:42Oh, Joanna, we said no one.
00:14:43I don't know.
00:14:44I don't know.
00:14:45I don't know.
00:14:46I don't know.
00:14:47I don't know.
00:14:48I don't know.
00:14:49You're a good one.
00:14:50Oh, we're just bought it.
00:14:51Whoa!
00:14:52Hold up.
00:14:53Oh, we're going to have some fun.
00:14:54Oh, Attack of the Wet t-shirts.
00:14:56Nice.
00:14:57Oh, come on.
00:14:58Come on.
00:14:59Come on.
00:15:00Come on.
00:15:02Come on.
00:15:03Come on.
00:15:04Come on.
00:15:05Come on.
00:15:06Come on.
00:15:07Come on.
00:15:08Come on.
00:15:09No, Joanna, we said no gifts.
00:15:13That is lip poison to plump your lips,
00:15:15but be careful it stings.
00:15:16And the other one is edible massage oil.
00:15:19Oh, how did you know?
00:15:21I mean, I'm gonna use both of these tonight.
00:15:23Please come here.
00:15:29Buster, such a cutie.
00:15:31Please don't touch my service time.
00:15:33All right, sorry.
00:15:35Are you okay now?
00:15:36Yeah, I'm fine, thank you.
00:15:36Okay, we'll see you later.
00:15:39I can't believe you haven't heard of it again.
00:15:42This is crazy.
00:15:43Oh, wait, I can't believe you haven't heard of it again.
00:15:44Jake!
00:15:45Hi!
00:15:46Hey, babe.
00:15:48Happy birthday.
00:15:50Oh, you didn't have to give me anything.
00:15:53What?
00:15:54You want a beer?
00:15:56No.
00:16:02Oh, hon.
00:16:03Come here.
00:16:06I have your present here.
00:16:08I'll give it to you later.
00:16:09The time's right.
00:16:10Oh.
00:16:11You didn't have to give me anything.
00:16:14And I have a present for you that I want you to unwrap later.
00:16:19Hey, bro.
00:16:21We need you to settle this bet over here real quick.
00:16:23Oh, I bet.
00:16:28All right, this is my man right here.
00:16:29Hey.
00:16:30Hey.
00:16:31How you doing?
00:16:32Oh, I'm trying to put it in dry lips.
00:16:46Oh, dude, look at those.
00:17:01Are those real?
00:17:02Have you guys seen Cheryl?
00:17:04Hey, dude, move!
00:17:05Come on, lame!
00:17:07Oh, all right, okay.
00:17:09I'll see you guys later.
00:17:09Go do some push-ups or something.
00:17:11Aw, the moves.
00:17:1120 bucks says, by the end of the day,
00:17:13I will be motorboating those titties.
00:17:15Yeah!
00:17:17They're fake anyways.
00:17:19Who cares?
00:17:20Okay!
00:17:23Who cares?
00:17:24Oh, dude, dude!
00:17:26I'm blind, you fucking asshole.
00:17:31Sue, no, it's your birthday.
00:17:32Here, let me.
00:17:33Joanna, no, just go enjoy the birdie.
00:17:36What?
00:17:38Open.
00:17:41Hey, do my lips look any plumper?
00:17:43I put this stuff on, but I can't really feel anything yet.
00:17:45Have you guys seen Jake?
00:17:48I haven't seen him anywhere.
00:17:49He just, like, disappeared.
00:18:02Are these real?
00:18:04Of course they are.
00:18:06How come I haven't met you before?
00:18:08I don't know.
00:18:09Maybe he's going to be around.
00:18:10Ryan, how do you see Jake?
00:18:12Um, I think he's around or something.
00:18:15Maybe upstairs.
00:18:16I don't know.
00:18:18Maybe you want to go get my birthday present.
00:18:20That's probably where you went.
00:18:22Go roll.
00:18:25Liquid courage?
00:18:27Yeah.
00:18:27Atta girl.
00:18:32Vodka cranberry?
00:18:33It's really simple.
00:18:36Well, I guess it's now or never.
00:18:37I can go meet around.
00:18:39Sue?
00:18:40Are you okay?
00:18:42Sue?
00:18:43Relax.
00:18:45They're just guys.
00:18:46Okay, nothing to be scared of.
00:18:47Seriously.
00:18:48You're going to be fine.
00:18:49Is Chris here?
00:18:55Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:18:58No, he does not have gatefeits.
00:19:01I'm going to prove it to you.
00:19:02I'm going to do it.
00:19:08Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:19:11No, he does not have gatefeits.
00:19:14I'm going to prove it to you.
00:19:16I'm going to do it.
00:19:17I'm going to do this.
00:19:18Good luck.
00:19:21Hey, you can do this.
00:19:23Just act like a slut.
00:19:24Just pretend you're Lexi.
00:19:37Yeah, my favorite chapter is Solomon Gamor.
00:19:40Chris.
00:19:41Hi.
00:19:42Can I talk to you?
00:19:44Uh-huh.
00:19:45Um, in private?
00:19:47No.
00:19:47No.
00:19:54Oh, hey, Lexi.
00:20:01Hey, Lexi.
00:20:02What?
00:20:04Chris.
00:20:05You're so sexy.
00:20:08Ever since you played Jesus at camp,
00:20:10I've just...
00:20:11I've known that we were meant to be together.
00:20:14And I really want to...
00:20:17Oh!
00:20:18What are you doing?
00:20:19Is that wrong?
00:20:20Sue!
00:20:21What's gotten into you?
00:20:22Nothing.
00:20:23I'm sorry.
00:20:23I don't know how to do this.
00:20:25Sue.
00:20:27Sue.
00:20:28Sue.
00:20:30I understand these urges.
00:20:35And, you know, I like you too.
00:20:38Really?
00:20:39You do?
00:20:40I do.
00:20:41I really do.
00:20:43I like you too.
00:20:44Really?
00:20:45You do?
00:20:46I do.
00:20:47I really do.
00:20:48No, it's just...
00:20:49I've devoted a lot of my life to one certain man.
00:20:55Right.
00:20:56Lexi said you were...
00:20:57Jesus.
00:20:58Oh.
00:20:59That man.
00:21:00Of course.
00:21:02What did you think?
00:21:03Oh, nothing.
00:21:04So we can still do this then?
00:21:07Oh, Sue.
00:21:09You know, for me,
00:21:13when I think about that man
00:21:15who died for our sins,
00:21:17when I think about him
00:21:19up there on that cross,
00:21:21so helpless,
00:21:22yet so...
00:21:24muscular,
00:21:26with his strong
00:21:27thighs
00:21:28crossed over each other
00:21:31so delicately
00:21:33beneath that ragged
00:21:35loincloth
00:21:36growing so hot,
00:21:39so sweaty
00:21:40under that hot,
00:21:41hot sun.
00:21:44I just feel such
00:21:45compassion.
00:21:47I think about those things, too.
00:21:49So you understand
00:21:50why I can't do this?
00:21:53Not really.
00:21:55I just find it too hard.
00:21:56It is
00:21:57to
00:21:58give in to carnal pleasure
00:22:00when
00:22:01he sacrificed so much for us.
00:22:04So...
00:22:05We're gonna go out there, right?
00:22:16Andy, we're gonna tell him
00:22:17throw these on.
00:22:18Hey, hi.
00:22:19Whoa!
00:22:21Have you seen Jake?
00:22:22Uh, no.
00:22:23No.
00:22:24All right.
00:22:28Okay.
00:22:28All right, focus.
00:22:29Focus, focus.
00:22:35Oh, there he is.
00:22:40Oh, he got me
00:22:41the puppy
00:22:41that I wanted.
00:22:55How could he?
00:22:59Sue,
00:23:00what happened?
00:23:01Did you guys do it?
00:23:03Sue?
00:23:04He doesn't want me.
00:23:06Because he's gay.
00:23:07No, he's not.
00:23:08He just really loves Jesus.
00:23:10Oh, come on, Sue.
00:23:12The only reason
00:23:13you even liked him
00:23:14is because you knew
00:23:14he was never
00:23:15a real possibility for you.
00:23:17Look,
00:23:18the only way
00:23:19you're gonna find out
00:23:20what kind of man
00:23:20you really want
00:23:21is to know
00:23:22what kind of woman
00:23:23you really are
00:23:24deep inside.
00:23:26What?
00:23:27Come with me.
00:23:29Where?
00:23:29To meet your dark side.
00:23:33Out.
00:23:39Everyone out.
00:23:48Sue,
00:23:49it's time
00:23:50for you and your vagina
00:23:51to meet face to face.
00:23:53I really can't.
00:24:05I really don't think
00:24:06I can do this.
00:24:08I'm not letting you out
00:24:09until you look.
00:24:13I'm not letting you out
00:24:14until you look.
00:24:18Sue?
00:24:19Can you see it?
00:24:22Sue?
00:24:22I'm almost...
00:24:27I'm almost there.
00:24:32Oh!
00:24:33What?
00:24:35What?
00:24:36Sue, what happened?
00:24:37What did you see?
00:24:38A raccoon?
00:24:40What?
00:24:42You overshot it.
00:24:43Aim the mirror further up.
00:24:44I can't.
00:24:52Please don't make me
00:24:53do that again.
00:24:53Okay, fine.
00:24:55Fine.
00:24:56I didn't want to do this,
00:24:57but you leave me no choice.
00:24:59What?
00:25:00You really need an orgasm.
00:25:03Honestly,
00:25:03I don't know
00:25:04how you expected
00:25:05to ever have sex
00:25:05with someone else
00:25:06when you've never
00:25:06even had it with yourself.
00:25:07this really has
00:25:09to be your first step.
00:25:10Lex,
00:25:11I'm waiting.
00:25:12Coming.
00:25:13Sue,
00:25:13my black vibrator
00:25:14is somewhere
00:25:14in the top drawer.
00:25:15Just find it
00:25:16and use it.
00:25:17Wait,
00:25:18what does the black vibrator
00:25:19look like?
00:25:19It's black.
00:25:20It vibrates.
00:25:23Come on, Rod.
00:25:25Let's go to Sue's room.
00:25:26And don't come back
00:25:28until you have
00:25:29at least one orgasm.
00:25:41Hey, cutie!
00:25:42Cutie!
00:25:48Busey!
00:25:49Oh, yeah!
00:25:53Bang.
00:25:54Bang.
00:25:54Bang.
00:25:56Bang.
00:25:56Good boy.
00:25:58Straighten up.
00:26:00Good boy.
00:26:01Good boy.
00:26:02He knows over
00:26:03a hundred commands.
00:26:05I'm sorry
00:26:06I can't see anything.
00:26:08That is not funny,
00:26:09Cheryl.
00:26:10What a bitch.
00:26:11Fortunately,
00:26:12when you're blind,
00:26:13you get used
00:26:13to things like that.
00:26:15Ah!
00:26:15Oh, shit.
00:26:30Oh, shit.
00:26:33Oh, shit.
00:26:42What's wrong with this thing?
00:26:48Nice shot.
00:26:51Correct hit.
00:26:53Cheryl, what is wrong?
00:27:07Lexi, it's Jake.
00:27:09He was getting a blowjob
00:27:11by some pink-haired girl.
00:27:13For sure?
00:27:14I mean, I know I've been putting off
00:27:16having sex with him,
00:27:17so maybe, maybe it's my fault.
00:27:19That's no excuse.
00:27:20He's a dirtbag.
00:27:21How dare he?
00:27:22No, it's awful.
00:27:24I mean, I thought I was
00:27:25going to marry him.
00:27:32It's a text.
00:27:33It's from him.
00:27:34I can't bear myself
00:27:34to read it.
00:27:35Okay.
00:27:36He's looking for you.
00:27:38He wants to give you
00:27:38your birthday gift.
00:27:40Oh, I can't face him.
00:27:42I have to go.
00:27:43I'm going.
00:27:43No, you can't just leave.
00:27:45Well, I can't stay
00:27:46and just pretend like
00:27:47nothing happened.
00:27:48I mean, maybe I should
00:27:50confront him.
00:27:51He'll either deny it
00:27:52or admit and promise
00:27:53never to do it again.
00:27:54Either way, it's bullshit.
00:27:55I see only one option.
00:27:58I'm leaving.
00:27:59Revenge sex.
00:28:01Re- I mean, what?
00:28:02What does that even mean?
00:28:03It means you find a guy,
00:28:04you screw his brains out,
00:28:05and you let Jake catch you.
00:28:09Revenge sex.
00:28:11Re- I mean, what?
00:28:12What does that even mean?
00:28:13It means you find a guy,
00:28:14you screw his brains out,
00:28:15and you let Jake catch you.
00:28:18But he- I mean,
00:28:19he doesn't even care.
00:28:20He doesn't even care about me.
00:28:21I mean, why would-
00:28:22He's just into other girls.
00:28:24Trust me.
00:28:24He'll care.
00:28:26Seriously, this is the worst
00:28:27thing you can do to him.
00:28:28To his ego.
00:28:30To screw someone else
00:28:31when you've never even
00:28:31had sex with him.
00:28:33Especially if it's
00:28:34with someone smarter,
00:28:35better looking,
00:28:36and with a bigger dick.
00:28:38No, I- I couldn't.
00:28:40Plus, I mean, there's-
00:28:41there's no one smarter
00:28:42and better looking.
00:28:43Eric.
00:28:45Eric.
00:28:45He's perfect.
00:28:46Eric Hall?
00:28:47Are you kidding?
00:28:49I mean,
00:28:50he wouldn't even be into me.
00:28:51He likes your type.
00:28:52Really?
00:28:53And what type is that?
00:28:54He's bloody.
00:28:56Yeah.
00:28:57Trust me,
00:28:58he's amazing.
00:28:59I fooled around with him once.
00:28:59He has this great tongue ring.
00:29:01Oh, no.
00:29:02I could never fool around
00:29:03with somebody you fooled around with.
00:29:05Okay, then.
00:29:06Fine.
00:29:06We will find someone else.
00:29:08Someone that I haven't
00:29:09fooled around with.
00:29:14Okay, what does it matter
00:29:15that I fooled around with him?
00:29:17I mean, it's like
00:29:17you're not gonna marry the guy.
00:29:19No, I just couldn't do it.
00:29:21Fine.
00:29:22If you want to live
00:29:22the rest of your life
00:29:23knowing that you had
00:29:24one chance to do
00:29:25the right thing,
00:29:26to make your boyfriend
00:29:27feel like a total,
00:29:28worthless piece of garbage
00:29:29and possibly even scar him
00:29:30with the rest of his existence
00:29:31and you chose not to do it,
00:29:33go ahead.
00:29:34But honestly,
00:29:35I don't know how
00:29:36you'll be able to live
00:29:36with yourself.
00:29:38I don't know.
00:29:41But honestly,
00:29:42I don't know how
00:29:43you'll be able
00:29:43to live with yourself.
00:29:45I don't know.
00:29:47Trust me.
00:29:48It's going to work.
00:29:54I will intercept Jake
00:29:55and get him upstairs.
00:29:58Hi, Cheryl.
00:29:59Are you okay?
00:30:00Enough to chat with her.
00:30:01Oh, no.
00:30:02Hey.
00:30:13Happy birthday.
00:30:17Thanks.
00:30:18Have you guys seen Jake?
00:30:40So, happy birthday.
00:30:49Uh, do you know that
00:30:51most people think
00:30:52that the happy birthday song
00:30:53was from Britain?
00:30:54But it's actually from us.
00:30:55U.S.
00:30:57America?
00:31:00United States?
00:31:01Uh, know where we live.
00:31:02Right.
00:31:03Of course.
00:31:04I know where we live.
00:31:09Right.
00:31:10Of course.
00:31:15Hey, Jesus, Eric,
00:31:16are you going to make
00:31:16your move or not?
00:31:18Oh, you want me to move?
00:31:19Yeah, no, I can totally move.
00:31:20I just...
00:31:20No, you're fine.
00:31:33Jake!
00:31:36So, Eric,
00:31:37do you want to do it or not?
00:31:39Oh, I'm sorry.
00:31:41It?
00:31:42What, um...
00:31:43It.
00:31:44Like, monkey boning
00:31:45and, like, pigs in a blanket
00:31:47get real nasty.
00:31:49Oh, oh, you mean, like,
00:31:53uh, right now?
00:31:55I mean, well, yeah.
00:31:57You know, the sooner the better.
00:32:00Yeah, sure.
00:32:01I mean, yeah, of course.
00:32:02Um, I just never realized
00:32:04that you...
00:32:04I mean...
00:32:08Whew.
00:32:09Uh...
00:32:10It's just...
00:32:12You're so...
00:32:14You're so beautiful.
00:32:17Okay, um...
00:32:17Hmm?
00:32:17Uh, no cuisine.
00:32:21Right.
00:32:22Um, of course.
00:32:24Sorry.
00:32:27So, um...
00:32:29Do you want to unwrap me?
00:32:32Oh, wow.
00:32:32Uh, you're wrapped up
00:32:34like a Hot Pocket
00:32:34or a leftover macaroni and cheese.
00:32:37Now that you're left over,
00:32:38you're not.
00:32:39You're fresh.
00:32:43Now that you're left over,
00:32:44you're not.
00:32:44Yeah, uh, you're fresh.
00:32:47Organic.
00:32:49Yep.
00:32:51So, the wrap.
00:32:53Right.
00:32:54Um...
00:32:55Uh, where's the, uh...
00:32:57It's, uh, the end is...
00:32:58I just, like, right over here.
00:32:59Oh, oh, yeah, here it is.
00:33:00Yeah.
00:33:00It's where I see it.
00:33:01Um, let me just, uh...
00:33:03Ow, ow, ow, ow.
00:33:06Sorry, sorry, sorry.
00:33:07I, um...
00:33:08It's...
00:33:08It's okay.
00:33:09Here.
00:33:09Do it again.
00:33:12Sorry, I, uh...
00:33:13I bite my nails,
00:33:14so it's a little difficult.
00:33:15You know what?
00:33:15Let me just lay on the bed.
00:33:18Okay.
00:33:23Uh...
00:33:24Let me just see.
00:33:27Oh, here it is.
00:33:28I got it.
00:33:28All right, just, um...
00:33:30Pull it.
00:33:31Let me just...
00:33:32Oh, jeez.
00:33:35Uh, Cheryl, are you...
00:33:37You okay?
00:33:38Help!
00:33:38Help!
00:33:39Uh...
00:33:39Hey, Cheryl, are you okay?
00:33:44Oh, jeez.
00:33:50Well, that was stupid.
00:33:55Yeah.
00:33:56Yeah.
00:33:58How are you doing tonight?
00:34:02I'm good.
00:34:02You having a good time?
00:34:04Yeah?
00:34:04Good?
00:34:05Jake!
00:34:06I think I saw Cheryl upstairs.
00:34:08What?
00:34:09I can't hear you.
00:34:11I'm not a beer.
00:34:13Chips are so damn salty.
00:34:15Jake!
00:34:15So are you with me?
00:34:16Upstairs.
00:34:17Yeah.
00:34:18Hold on.
00:34:19Take a piss.
00:34:21How much beer?
00:34:21How much beer?
00:34:21How much beer?
00:34:22Oh!
00:34:23Bad girl!
00:34:24Bad girl!
00:34:24Bad girl!
00:34:24Bad girl!
00:34:25Bad girl!
00:34:26Bad girl!
00:34:26Bad girl!
00:34:27We're going back in play!
00:34:29We're going to mess with her!
00:34:30We're going to we're going to be Dune!
00:34:32Bad girl!
00:34:33So we're taking her!
00:34:34L
00:34:38Finally, I, uh, let me just get the blinds.
00:34:54Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, um, don't, don't worry about it.
00:34:58What?
00:34:59I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:35:03Oh, well, okay.
00:35:06Okay.
00:35:07Okay.
00:35:08Okay.
00:35:09Let me just get the blinds.
00:35:12Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, um, don't, don't worry about it.
00:35:28What?
00:35:29I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:35:33Oh.
00:35:34Well, okay.
00:35:36Okay.
00:35:37Okay.
00:35:38Okay.
00:35:39Okay.
00:35:40Okay.
00:35:41Okay.
00:35:42Okay.
00:35:43Okay.
00:35:44Okay.
00:35:46Maybe you've got a beer.
00:35:47Okay.
00:35:48Let's just let it of go.
00:35:50Oh
00:36:20What are you doing?
00:36:22Uh, I think it's time, you know, to do it.
00:36:30Um, not yet. More foreplay.
00:36:32Huh? Oh.
00:36:40So good.
00:36:42Huh.
00:36:44Yep.
00:36:45Ow, my jaw.
00:36:47Jaw, jaw, jaw.
00:36:48What? What? What?
00:36:50Ah, oh.
00:36:51Ah, yeah.
00:36:53Lock jaw, lock jaw.
00:36:54Is that even a thing?
00:36:57I don't know.
00:36:59Ah.
00:37:00Are you okay?
00:37:04No, no, no, no. It's, uh, it's fine.
00:37:06I'm just, uh, embarrassed.
00:37:09It's probably TMJ or fracture, swollen.
00:37:15Are you sure you're okay?
00:37:17Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.
00:37:18Okay, great. Have fun.
00:37:20Oh.
00:37:26Now. Now, let's do it now.
00:37:27No, no, not yet. Not yet.
00:37:31All right, I'm gonna come.
00:37:32I'm gonna come. Are you ready?
00:37:33No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
00:38:03How are you doing?
00:38:06How's it going?
00:38:07Good.
00:38:08Eric?
00:38:09Come.
00:38:10Eric, help me.
00:38:11I'm glad I can't see anything.
00:38:14Excuse me.
00:38:18Cheryl's in here.
00:38:24Sup, bro?
00:38:25What the fuck is that?
00:38:28Hey, wait!
00:38:30Lex, babe, I'm still waiting.
00:38:39Oh, I'm sorry. I can't see. I'm blind.
00:38:43Damn it.
00:38:44I'm gonna save something to that bitch.
00:38:47Hey, you!
00:38:49You better stop making fun of the blind,
00:38:51or I'm gonna teach you a lesson.
00:38:55I'm so sorry!
00:38:56I'll never make fun of the blind again.
00:39:00Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh, yeah,
00:39:02watch the girls go round
00:39:03fuck
00:39:08Oh man, no more water balloons.
00:39:10Sporey's ass.
00:39:11Oh, man, no more water balloons.
00:39:24This party's ass.
00:39:26Yeah!
00:39:29This just isn't working out.
00:39:34Nothing.
00:39:35What's the big deal about these vibrators anyway?
00:39:40Oh, man, I love this game.
00:39:52We need the controllers.
00:39:53We gotta play.
00:39:54Here, here, here.
00:39:55Okay.
00:39:56Let me find another one.
00:39:57All right, watch on.
00:39:59Woo!
00:40:00Look at this.
00:40:01Oh, my God.
00:40:02Fuel, fuel, fuel.
00:40:03Get that thing away.
00:40:04Jesus.
00:40:05Hey, dude, nice shot.
00:40:15Wasn't me.
00:40:17Whoa, whoa.
00:40:18Nice.
00:40:19Are you sitting there or something?
00:40:21Hey, you found the grenade launcher.
00:40:23Nice.
00:40:24Nice.
00:40:25Nice.
00:40:26Are you sitting there or something?
00:40:28Hey, you found the grenade launcher.
00:40:30Nice.
00:40:31Nice.
00:40:32Do you have the extra controller?
00:40:44No, I just...
00:40:57I didn't.
00:40:58I swear, I...
00:41:01I didn't.
00:41:02I swear, I...
00:41:03I didn't.
00:41:04I swear, I...
00:41:05I didn't.
00:41:06I swear, I...
00:41:08I didn't.
00:41:09I swear, I...
00:41:10I...
00:41:11I...
00:41:12I...
00:41:13Hey, Sue.
00:41:14Don't leave.
00:41:15No, I'm sorry.
00:41:16Come on, man.
00:41:17It's okay.
00:41:18Um...
00:41:19Hey, Sue.
00:41:20Hey, didn't you hear me calling you?
00:41:32Yeah, I just needed to...
00:41:34Um...
00:41:35Oh, sure.
00:41:37Listen, Sue, I...
00:41:40I was rethinking what I said earlier.
00:41:42You were?
00:41:43You mean...
00:41:45Y-yeah.
00:41:48So you think we should give it a try?
00:41:52Could we go get a drink?
00:41:55Wow, um...
00:41:58Your toilet's really...
00:42:00Oh, you...
00:42:01You know what?
00:42:02I-I gotta go.
00:42:03Um...
00:42:04Happy birthday.
00:42:05Uh, no, Chris.
00:42:06No, there wasn't.
00:42:07I didn't...
00:42:08Oh, God, never mind.
00:42:18This is the worst idea ever.
00:42:23Never going to have sex.
00:42:25Ow.
00:42:27Hello?
00:42:28A little attention here.
00:42:30Oh, yeah.
00:42:31Sorry.
00:42:32Lex.
00:42:33Don't be selfish.
00:42:34Oh, right.
00:42:35Sorry.
00:42:36Oh, yeah.
00:42:37Sorry.
00:42:39Lex.
00:42:40Don't be selfish.
00:42:41Oh, right.
00:42:42Sorry.
00:42:43All right.
00:42:44Sorry.
00:42:45Oh, jeez.
00:42:58Who invented this stupid position?
00:43:01Oh, jeez.
00:43:13Who invented this stupid position, anyway?
00:43:16Too much fucking multitasking.
00:43:19Screw it.
00:43:31Oh, jeez.
00:44:01That was bad.
00:44:03That was so bad.
00:44:15Joanna, do you know a guy named JJ?
00:44:21I think that guy's name starts with a J.
00:44:25Hey, does your name start with a J?
00:44:29Yes, it does.
00:44:31So, you're JJ?
00:44:33Uh-uh.
00:44:35Oh, my God.
00:44:37Oh, my God.
00:44:39Oh, my God.
00:44:41Oh, my God.
00:44:43Oh, my God.
00:44:44You're dead.
00:44:45Oh, my God.
00:44:46Is that all right?
00:44:47Oh, my God.
00:44:48Hello. Welcome to 1-900-Confess. Would you like a priest or a nun today?
00:45:01A nun.
00:45:02Please punch in your credit card number.
00:45:09Please hold.
00:45:10Oh, thank goodness.
00:45:141-900-Confession. How may I be of service?
00:45:17It's been one day since my last confession. I accuse myself of the following sins.
00:45:22One day?
00:45:25Ow!
00:45:30Is that too long?
00:45:31I would have come this morning, but it's my 18th birthday.
00:45:34Go on.
00:45:35Um, okay. Well, I've been touching myself inappropriately. Well, actually, I didn't know a washing machine.
00:45:41What's her problem?
00:45:43A washing machine touched her.
00:45:45Well, you know, I sat on a washing machine, and, well...
00:45:50All right, freak. Time's up.
00:45:52What? But what do I do?
00:45:53Just unplug the thing.
00:45:55No, but I think I might have had an orgasm.
00:45:59Well, then be happy. You found the perfect man.
00:46:02I'm serious!
00:46:03Look, honey, you seem like a nice young lady, so I'll tell you this. Masturbation isn't a sin.
00:46:11No contritions?
00:46:13You broke no covenant with God. It's not in the Bible.
00:46:17So the washing machine could touch me anytime? Like morning, afternoon, night?
00:46:23Yes, and other things can touch you. Accidental masturbation is not a sin. Neither is intentional masturbation.
00:46:32Huh. God's pretty cool that way.
00:46:35He sure is. Now run along.
00:46:40Wow. How do you know all that?
00:46:43Because I'm a nun. Now eat my pussy, bitch!
00:46:46Huh. Accidental masturbation. Who'd have thunk?
00:46:53Revenge sex. What a stupid fucking idiot.
00:47:03God, I'm getting out of here.
00:47:06Yeah, admit it. I've got no game.
00:47:09I guess I can scare you. I mean, I guess I'm a few.
00:47:16Fucking douchebag.
00:47:18Damn it.
00:47:20Now I have to get laid if it's the last thing I do.
00:47:22You go, girl.
00:47:24What?
00:47:26What are you doing here?
00:47:28We needed someplace private.
00:47:31But hey, listen.
00:47:32If you're serious about getting laid.
00:47:33Yeah?
00:47:34If you want someone great.
00:47:35I mean, really, the best ever.
00:47:39No offense.
00:47:41Frank, the blind guy?
00:47:44Really?
00:47:44I'm telling you, he's amazing.
00:47:48I had food sex with him a few weeks ago.
00:47:50It was like nothing I've ever experienced before.
00:47:53It was like we used all our senses.
00:47:56Everything.
00:47:57If you're interested, I'll set it up.
00:48:02All right.
00:48:09What about him?
00:48:11Jeremy.
00:48:12Oh, yeah.
00:48:12I know Jeremy.
00:48:14Hey, I think I fooled around with him once.
00:48:16I didn't know his last name, though.
00:48:19It's Jones.
00:48:20Jeremy Jones.
00:48:21Oh, this all makes sense.
00:48:23Excuse me.
00:48:24Jeremy.
00:48:25Jeremy.
00:48:27Hi.
00:48:27Hey.
00:48:28Who's on the phone?
00:48:30Oh, that's my new girlfriend.
00:48:32You'll meet her.
00:48:33We'll be here in like an hour.
00:48:34Wait, you have a girlfriend?
00:48:49Oh.
00:48:50Hey, Frank.
00:48:51Sit.
00:48:54Oh, you meant, you meant the dog.
00:49:00Relax.
00:49:02You need to relax and calm down.
00:49:14Oh, I'm, I'm relaxed.
00:49:15I'm fine.
00:49:16Why are you biting your nail?
00:49:17I'm not.
00:49:22How did you know that?
00:49:25Corner.
00:49:29Sit.
00:49:32Roll over.
00:49:35Oh, you mean me.
00:49:39Roll over.
00:49:39Oh, you mean me.
00:49:44Oh, how do you, how do you want me to.
00:49:47Just lay down.
00:49:48You want me.
00:49:48Oh.
00:49:59Oh.
00:50:00Oh.
00:50:00I shouldn't even be doing this, but.
00:50:03Considering it a teachable moment.
00:50:05Okay.
00:50:09Oh.
00:50:12See me with your hands.
00:50:17All right.
00:50:18Uh.
00:50:25You know, I should really.
00:50:26I have a boyfriend and I shouldn't be doing this.
00:50:28Really.
00:50:28Oh.
00:50:41Mmm.
00:50:42Peanut butter.
00:50:57Frank.
00:50:57Frank.
00:50:58Oh.
00:51:02Oh, Frank.
00:51:26No, man.
00:51:27Oh, give me two.
00:51:29My chips, old boy.
00:51:31Oh, give me two, man.
00:51:32My chips.
00:51:33Oh.
00:51:33My chips.
00:51:34Oh, give me two.
00:51:36My chips.
00:51:38Guys, why are you making such a mess?
00:51:41Sorry.
00:51:42Sorry.
00:51:42It's just a case of accidental masturbation.
00:51:51That's all.
00:51:52Sorry.
00:51:52Oh, my goodness.
00:51:53Oh.
00:51:53So, let me do this.
00:51:57I got it.
00:51:58I got it.
00:51:59I got it.
00:51:59No, really.
00:52:00Please.
00:52:00I want to help.
00:52:01Oh, my goodness.
00:52:02Okay, everybody out
00:52:05Leave, I have to vacuum
00:52:07You're not even getting the chips
00:52:22They're over here
00:52:23I see some dust
00:52:26Over here, so
00:52:27It's just
00:52:30There's so much dust
00:52:32On this floor
00:52:33This is a dirty floor
00:52:35Such a dirty
00:52:37Dirty floor
00:52:39Okay
00:52:57Okay
00:52:57Alright
00:53:00I think I got all that
00:53:02I'm just gonna
00:53:03See how
00:53:04Oh
00:53:05Frankie
00:53:14Oh my
00:53:16What was that?
00:53:18What?
00:53:19Fucking shit
00:53:20Oh man, we gotta smoke
00:53:21Oh, we can smoke in here
00:53:22Stop
00:53:25Frank, stop teasing Frank
00:53:27Oh shit
00:53:29I'm sorry man
00:53:31We're just looking for a place to finish this roach
00:53:33Oh, I heard something
00:53:34You wanna join us?
00:53:35Uh, no
00:53:36Come on, you gotta do it
00:53:38Come on
00:53:38Seriously guys
00:53:39I need to
00:53:40Watch your dog man
00:53:40Dude
00:53:41What's like being blinded
00:53:42It's tripping
00:53:43Frank?
00:53:48Frank, are we gonna do something soon?
00:53:50Bro, you are too funny
00:53:56Thanks man
00:53:57Ooh, this is some good stuff
00:53:59I haven't smoked since junior high
00:54:01Dude, I haven't stopped smoking since junior high
00:54:03Wait, wait, wait
00:54:05I feel like I was supposed to be doing something
00:54:07Damn, I really can't remember
00:54:11This is some good shit
00:54:12Oh no, you're the devil
00:54:30Oh no
00:54:31You're the devil
00:54:32No more
00:54:33JJ, I'm Jeremy
00:54:38You have to remember that amazing time
00:54:40We had together, don't you?
00:54:42Please
00:54:43Lex, I can't
00:54:45I mean, I got a girlfriend
00:54:48I really like this girl
00:54:49Fine
00:54:50It's just so sad
00:54:52Because I'm wearing this
00:54:54Cupless bra
00:54:55And I also have on crotchless panties
00:54:59With just a little string of pearl in front
00:55:02For extra stimulation
00:55:03Oh
00:55:05We've got like 30 minutes before she gets here
00:55:11Perfect
00:55:11Before she gets here
00:55:17Perfect
00:55:17What? What's wrong?
00:55:37I can't
00:55:38I can't get it in
00:55:40It's too dry down there
00:55:42It's like desert down there
00:55:43It's sandpaper
00:55:45Okay, I get the picture
00:55:47Just try it again
00:55:49No
00:55:51Why is this happening?
00:55:54We fooled around before
00:55:55I was dripping wet
00:55:56I came like four times, remember?
00:55:58Just do what you did then
00:56:00Go on
00:56:00I already did my thing
00:56:01I already tried
00:56:03What?
00:56:05What is different this time?
00:56:07I don't know
00:56:08Last time
00:56:09I honestly don't even know what you're talking about
00:56:14What?
00:56:15You're not JJ
00:56:17But your name is Jeremy Jones
00:56:20How can you not be JJ?
00:56:23Who the hell is this JJ?
00:56:26Where are you going?
00:56:27We're not done here
00:56:28I can still do this
00:56:29I just need a little bit of fun
00:56:30I can do this
00:56:31I don't need JJ
00:56:33I don't need anyone else
00:56:34We can do this
00:56:36Go team
00:56:38What?
00:56:42Just keep going
00:56:43Shit
00:56:49Where's Jeremy?
00:57:00Hi
00:57:00We were just
00:57:02You know
00:57:02Hey babe
00:57:05Just working out
00:57:06How could you
00:57:11You bastard
00:57:12You might want to
00:57:16What?
00:57:18What?
00:57:19Mariela
00:57:24Mariela
00:57:24Mariela
00:57:25You know those aren't mine
00:57:27At least not all of them
00:57:29What is wrong with you?
00:57:36What is wrong with you?
00:57:38You used to be so pure
00:57:40Well no more
00:57:42That's it
00:57:42Really
00:57:43That's the last one
00:58:13Cheryl
00:58:14What is it?
00:58:20What are you doing down here?
00:58:22Waiting for everyone to leave
00:58:23So I can sneak out
00:58:24And get far far away from here
00:58:26What?
00:58:27Why?
00:58:28Nothing
00:58:28Just this lying guy
00:58:30And his dog
00:58:31Honey
00:58:33It's gonna be okay
00:58:34No it's not okay
00:58:36God
00:58:38And you know whose fault it is?
00:58:40I'm sorry
00:58:41It's Jake's
00:58:42Jake's fault
00:58:43That lying cheating bastard
00:58:45Yes
00:58:46He is such a dickwad
00:58:48You need to confront him
00:58:49Yeah
00:58:50Yeah I need to confront him
00:58:52I mean it's my birthday
00:58:54And where is he anyway?
00:58:55Like why isn't he hanging out with me?
00:58:57You know you just call him here
00:58:58And give him a big piece of your mind
00:59:00Yeah a big piece
00:59:01A big old chunk of my mind
00:59:04A big piece of it
00:59:05Yeah
00:59:05You know you might want to
00:59:07You need to look hot
00:59:10While you break up with him
00:59:10Yeah you're right
00:59:12Why am I wearing a sheet
00:59:14I know
00:59:14I'm sorry
00:59:21I'm so
00:59:22I get shy around beautiful women like you
00:59:25I got no game
00:59:29It's not important
00:59:36Hey um
00:59:49Eric I can't talk right now
00:59:51No no no I really need to talk to you
00:59:52Really Eric I can't right now
00:59:55No no no I just wanted to say I'm sorry
00:59:58About earlier
00:59:58And I'm just embarrassed
01:00:00And I want to make it up to you
01:00:02Eric really
01:00:03I don't care
01:00:04It's fine
01:00:04No but I do
01:00:05I mean I do
01:00:07I care
01:00:08Eric I haven't known how to tell you
01:00:11Maybe cause I don't know
01:00:13I'm a little shy
01:00:14But I was wondering
01:00:16Or hoping
01:00:17That
01:00:18We could go out sometime
01:00:20Soon
01:00:21Because I'm going to be leaving for a little while
01:00:23And it would be nice to go out
01:00:25Really
01:00:25Eric you're shy
01:00:27You have no game
01:00:28No not really
01:00:31Yeah no I can't do this
01:00:34Sorry
01:00:34Okay
01:00:38Alright
01:00:39I uh
01:00:41Happy birthday then
01:00:44I'm sorry
01:00:55I was trying to kiss you
01:00:57Wow
01:01:06Here I come baby
01:01:18Get ready for your big birthday surprise
01:01:21Oh
01:01:24Eric stop
01:01:25Um we can't do this
01:01:26Oh god damn it
01:01:27Not again
01:01:28Oh no um
01:01:29Honey happy
01:01:30What the fuck is this
01:01:33Who the hell are you dude
01:01:35Okay guys
01:01:36Don't
01:01:37Cheryl
01:01:40Baby
01:01:41What is this
01:01:43Oh gee Cheryl
01:01:45You're
01:01:46I've been looking for you all night
01:01:49And you've been
01:01:49Oh man no wonder I couldn't find you
01:01:52You couldn't find me
01:01:53What about all those girls
01:01:55Vaginas you were in
01:01:56Or your penis getting sucked
01:01:58Cheryl honey
01:01:59No
01:02:01No
01:02:01You can work this out
01:02:01Baby
01:02:02I love you
01:02:04Jake no
01:02:04You have to go
01:02:05Baby I'll be faithful from now on
01:02:06Please
01:02:06I promise
01:02:07No Jake
01:02:08I can't do this
01:02:09I'm sorry
01:02:09Cheryl come on
01:02:11No Jake please
01:02:12Just go
01:02:13I'm sorry
01:02:14You're a harmless bitch
01:02:16How can you do
01:02:17Yay
01:02:18You did it
01:02:20I'm so proud of you
01:02:21You got your revenge sex
01:02:22You left him a mere shell of a man
01:02:24Revenge sex
01:02:25It's really not what it sounds like at all
01:02:29Right
01:02:31That all makes sense now
01:02:33Wow
01:02:35I feel really stupid
01:02:37Eric I'm really
01:02:38I'm really sorry
01:02:39Cheryl
01:02:41I really liked you
01:02:43And you used me
01:02:45Eric please don't go
01:02:47Please Eric
01:02:48Aren't you happy
01:02:51Well no
01:02:53That's not exactly
01:02:54How it's supposed to feel like
01:02:55You mean the sex
01:02:57Was it
01:02:57Yeah
01:02:58No we didn't quite
01:02:59Do it
01:03:00Oh
01:03:01You know I couldn't seem to do it either
01:03:02Really
01:03:03I just never found the right guy
01:03:05Or guys
01:03:06Anyway
01:03:08We better get downstairs
01:03:09People are starting to leave
01:03:10I wonder how Sue did
01:03:12I can't believe she dumped me man
01:03:24This is bullshit
01:03:26Suck it
01:03:30I'm out of here
01:03:33Yeah
01:03:34He has good hair though
01:03:36Don't you puke on me
01:03:41And don't puke on my car either
01:03:44Oh Sue are you alright
01:03:57Was it from sex
01:04:00Did you pop your cork
01:04:02I don't think so
01:04:03I'm out with the guy anyway
01:04:04Oh don't ask
01:04:06Every possible object
01:04:08It's like every mechanical thing
01:04:10It was like
01:04:11Transformers
01:04:12They just all became vibrators
01:04:14I told you
01:04:16It's addicting
01:04:17So what about Chris
01:04:20Well last time I saw him
01:04:22He was running away
01:04:22For dear life
01:04:23I told you he was gay
01:04:24No
01:04:24Well I think I'm just
01:04:26Oh
01:04:27Cramp
01:04:28Oh
01:04:29I think it's broken
01:04:31So wait
01:04:33None of us
01:04:35Cashed an RV card
01:04:36Oh Joanna
01:04:41You're so sweet
01:04:41So I was gonna go grab some food
01:04:44Wanna go?
01:04:45No
01:04:46Thank you
01:04:47I think I should finish up here
01:04:48Did you ever find that guy
01:04:50You were looking for?
01:04:51No
01:04:52I don't know
01:04:54For some reason I just realized
01:04:55He needs to be my first
01:04:57Or something
01:04:59Why do you know him?
01:05:01Sort of
01:05:02Oh
01:05:03Well hey
01:05:04If you happen to run into him
01:05:05Tell him I'd like to see him again
01:05:06Love him
01:05:10Shut it
01:05:15I don't want to hear it from you
01:05:16You want to get married
01:05:17You want to deal with him
01:05:18I'm alright
01:05:18I'm alright
01:05:19Um
01:05:45No
01:05:46No way
01:05:47Oh, well, there's always next year.
01:06:17It's you.
01:06:28I've been waiting for you, J.J.
01:06:33Joanna.
01:06:47I've been waiting for you.
01:07:17I've been waiting for you.
01:07:29I've been waiting for you.
01:07:34Wow.
01:07:35That's amazing.
01:07:38Yeah, I didn't know I had it in me.
01:07:40I guess something inspired me.
01:07:44You really captured his expression and his eyes.
01:07:47Yeah, even that little callic he has in his hair.
01:07:52Whose?
01:07:53Eric's.
01:07:54Well, it's him, right?
01:07:57Oh.
01:07:58Yeah.
01:07:59I have to go see him.
01:08:04Well, I think you know what we should do.
01:08:10Oh.
01:08:18One nine hundred confess.
01:08:21Sister Therese?
01:08:23Yeah, hun.
01:08:25Um, there was a problem with your credit card.
01:08:27I just need the last three numbers in the back.
01:08:29Oh, sure.
01:08:31It's 271.
01:08:33Um, sister, I know this isn't a confession,
01:08:36but can I ask your opinion on something?
01:08:39Do you think if you do something bad that God will forgive you?
01:08:43Like, take you back?
01:08:45Sure, hon. Why not?
01:08:47As long as you're on the right path.
01:08:49Well, how do you know if you're on that path?
01:08:52I always look for some kind of sign from the universe.
01:08:56Something to let me know that it's all gonna be okay.
01:09:00Sister?
01:09:02Can I get up now?
01:09:04I really gotta pee.
01:09:05No! Hush your trap!
01:09:09Okay, honey, I really need to get back to work,
01:09:11but call back any time.
01:09:13I will.
01:09:14Thanks.
01:09:18Sister?
01:09:19Shut up or I'll punish you hard, you shit fucker!
01:09:26Eric, wait!
01:09:41Cheryl?
01:09:44Eric, um, look, I am so sorry about everything.
01:09:48I was trying to have revenge sex with you.
01:09:51At the beginning, but then at the end I wasn't.
01:09:54I just didn't wanna do that with you.
01:09:57The revenge part, not the sex part.
01:10:00Um, I, I do wanna go out with you.
01:10:05And I didn't realize that until this morning.
01:10:08I mean, you're a completely different guy than Jake is,
01:10:11and he's all over these pink hair.
01:10:13Eric!
01:10:14Come on, I gotta get going.
01:10:17Oh.
01:10:18Wow.
01:10:19Um, Cheryl, uh, this is my sister Tina.
01:10:22Tina, Cheryl.
01:10:24Hi!
01:10:25Nice to meet you.
01:10:29Um, so, um, do you mind if I call you in a few days?
01:10:33In a few days?
01:10:34Wanna get back?
01:10:35Yeah.
01:10:36Sure.
01:10:42Oh.
01:10:43Sorry.
01:10:44No kissing.
01:10:45Right.
01:10:46No, kissing.
01:10:47Oh.
01:10:48Hey, did you ever, uh, get those flowers I sent you?
01:11:07I, I don't even care that you hooked up a plexi.
01:11:10Wait, what?
01:11:11I never did that.
01:11:13I mean, you don't have to lie about it.
01:11:15She told me all about your pierced tongue.
01:11:22She must have me mixed up with someone else.
01:11:25I wonder who it was.
01:11:45At least this birthday's over.
01:11:58Dear Lord, please forgive me.
01:12:01I mean, if you could just, I don't know, like send me a sign.
01:12:15Excuse me.
01:12:16Excuse me.
01:12:17Uh, do you know where the church is?
01:12:18It's on Fountain Street.
01:12:19Um, yeah, that's the church I go to.
01:12:20Or used to go to.
01:12:21Um, it's straight up that way and then left.
01:12:25You're more than welcome to come with me if you like.
01:12:26Oh.
01:12:27Oh.
01:12:28Oh.
01:12:29Oh.
01:12:30Oh.
01:12:31Oh.
01:12:32Oh.
01:12:33Oh.
01:12:34Oh.
01:12:35Oh.
01:12:36Oh.
01:12:37Oh.
01:12:38Oh.
01:12:39Oh.
01:12:40Oh.
01:12:41Oh.
01:12:42Oh.
01:12:43Oh.
01:12:44Oh.
01:12:45Oh.
01:12:46Oh.
01:12:47Oh.
01:12:48Oh.
01:12:49Oh.
01:12:50Oh.
01:12:51Yeah.
01:12:52Oh.
01:12:53Oh, oh.
01:12:54Um, I don't know.
01:13:03Oh, well that's pretty powerful.
01:13:06Oh.
01:13:07Oh, 250 horsepower, 225 pounds of torque.
01:13:10Like I said, you're more than welcome to hop on.
01:13:13I don't think so.
01:13:16But, thanks.
01:13:17What's your name Sue? What's yours? Hey, so it's really see
01:13:26Maybe I could use the ride
01:13:47The End