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  • 6/9/2025
Transcript
00:00Who read for Hollywood?
00:02Let's do it, Barry, who the Hollywood?
00:06Where in the office, boy, are you?
00:08Where am I taking you?
00:11I gotta hear someplace.
00:14It's my sister's place.
00:16She was supposed to pick me up, but she's kind of not all there, you know?
00:24The address?
00:27Right, right, right.
00:28So, you're here visiting family?
00:30Well, no, I'm an actor.
00:31I've been in New York, but I got offered work in L.A.,
00:34and I think it's time for me to take my shot.
00:37Kind of scary, I mean, left my whole life behind,
00:40but I think it's the smart move, you know?
00:42If you want to make it as an actor, you gotta move to L.A., to Hollywood.
00:46So, what are you doing here in Dallas?
00:53I did have a layover in Dallas.
00:58Come on!
01:02Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
01:32Oh, thank God.
01:41Oh, my God, Joey!
01:43Hey, Gina!
01:44Oh, my brother, the star.
01:46Days of our lives.
01:48Not anymore.
01:49Formally.
01:51Good to see you.
01:52Oh, I know. I missed you so much.
01:54Oh, wait a second. Wait a second.
01:57You look different.
01:59Oh, I forgot. You haven't seen him.
02:01Huh?
02:03What do you think? They're new.
02:05I went up three cup sizes.
02:07The doctor was reluctant.
02:09Come on, touch him.
02:10Uh, let's get my bag.
02:12I'll fill you up in the car, I promise.
02:16Oh, tell me about the big new job.
02:18Oh, well, it all started when I got this new agent.
02:21This lady is a shark.
02:23And that means she's a good agent, not an actual shark.
02:27I know that.
02:29Yeah, I did, too.
02:30Anyway, she got me offers from two new shows.
02:34Wow. What are they?
02:36Well, the first one's about a bunch of male nurses, and I wasn't really crazy about that one.
02:40I mean, I've already been a brain surgeon.
02:41I don't think my fans buy me as a nurse.
02:46Well, if I bought you as a brain surgeon, they're pretty understanding.
02:49Okay, well, it doesn't matter, all right?
02:51Because the other show, it's about a cop, and I'm the star.
02:54Oh, also, it's for cable.
02:56So there's a combination of nudity and swearing that I find intriguing.
03:00I am so proud of you.
03:03Oh.
03:05So, how many bags are you looking for?
03:07Uh, just one.
03:08The rest of my stuff's on a moving truck.
03:10And I gave them your number.
03:11The company's called Movers and Shakers.
03:13They cost a little more, but...
03:14That name cracked me up.
03:18Oh, wait, that was my bag.
03:20That's okay, hold on.
03:22Sir, did you grab that bag?
03:29Well, they do get things done.
03:42Huh?
03:44Wow.
03:45I think I like L.A.
03:47I thought you and Jan let you have moved out a long time ago.
03:50It's a very vibrant gay scene.
03:51Taylor and I are not a gay couple!
03:57Hi.
04:00Okay, this is it.
04:02Your new home.
04:07Oh, my God!
04:09Yeah?
04:10Yeah!
04:10Oh, Gina, thank you for finding this.
04:13Oh, I love it!
04:14Good, because if you didn't, I was going to lie and tell you Tom Cruise used to live here.
04:19Tom Cruise lived here?
04:21Sure he did, honey.
04:24Oh, let me show you the best boy.
04:26Oh.
04:29Check this out.
04:31Now, sit up here and lean back.
04:36Look over there.
04:39Is that the middle of the Hollywood sign?
04:40That is the Hollywood sign.
04:47I can see the Hollywood sign!
04:51And into that woman's bathroom.
04:53And now she sees me looking,
04:55Hi, neighbor!
04:56What's the matter?
05:00What's the matter?
05:06I just...
05:07I can't believe I'm here, you know?
05:10It doesn't...
05:11It doesn't feel real.
05:14Oh.
05:14And neither do those.
05:22Gina Tribbiani, I dress it to the stars.
05:25Stars?
05:26Sounds better than he dress it to mostly Dominicans.
05:28Huh.
05:30Yeah, honey.
05:31Come on up.
05:33It's my Michael.
05:34He's parking.
05:35Oh, great!
05:36Say, what is Michael now?
05:3820?
05:38Yeah.
05:39Don't I look incredible for the mother of an adult son?
05:41Mm-hmm.
05:42That's the good thing about having a kid so young.
05:44Well, you rarely hear the argument 14, pregnancy.
05:49Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
05:54Michael is so excited to see you again.
05:56Oh, and by the way,
05:57I told him I had him when I was 22.
05:59I don't want him to think his mother's a tramp.
06:01Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.
06:07Uncle Joey!
06:08Hey! Whoa! Oh, man! Oh! Whoa!
06:13I still think of you as a little kid.
06:15So much for these wings I picked up on the airplane.
06:18Oh, no, I'll still take them.
06:20I'm just gonna show them to you.
06:27Tell you, Uncle Joey, what you been up to lately.
06:29Well, uh, now that college is done,
06:32I'm just doing some grad work over at Caltech Center
06:34for simulation of dynamic response materials.
06:38Can you believe he came out of me?
06:40Actually, right now, we're designing a mock-up
06:44for an escape module for the International Space Station.
06:47What are you, a rocket scientist?
06:50Yes.
06:52Oh, oh, hi.
06:55Hey, so how do you like living at school, huh?
06:57Oh, no, I still live with Mom.
06:58Oh, man.
07:00That is nice.
07:03Shut up. We have fun. Tell them we have fun.
07:06No, I mean, we do have fun.
07:07We have a lot more in common than most moms and sons,
07:09because she had me when she was just, like, 22, so...
07:11Right, yeah, 22.
07:13Yeah, that's why we had to change churches.
07:16Michael, where's the lasagna?
07:22Oh, I left it in the car.
07:24Oh, I'll get it. I'll get it.
07:25Look at that. So much going on up here.
07:28I can't remember lasagna.
07:29Boy, we are different, you and me.
07:33So, come on. What else is going on?
07:36Well, actually, I'm thinking about moving out.
07:38Oh, yeah? Where?
07:39Here with you.
07:43What? I'm 20 years old, man.
07:45I shouldn't be living with my Mom.
07:47Everyone at school makes fun of me.
07:49And it's not like these are the cool kids.
07:50They're not quarterbacks. Engineers.
07:55But, well, why do you want to live with me?
07:57Well, uh, this may not be a big selling point,
08:00but I have no money for rent.
08:04And, I mean, and also, you're my cool Uncle Joey, you know?
08:06Living with you, that would just, you know...
08:08Yeah, yeah. Break your mother's heart.
08:11I know. I know.
08:13But, I mean, it's gonna happen sometime.
08:16I just have to get out of there.
08:18Have you seen the breasts?
08:19See? Oh, yeah.
08:20She made me touch her!
08:21She...
08:30Hi!
08:31Whoa!
08:35It's actually not that big of a drop.
08:39Hi.
08:40Some first impression, huh?
08:41Oh, actually, I got my first impression last night.
08:43I saw you out here practicing your...
08:45judo?
08:46Oh, that wasn't judo.
08:48I had a bee on me.
08:50I'm Alex, uh, I live next door.
08:57Really? I'm Joey.
08:59Oh.
09:00Hi.
09:01Hi. So, you just moved out here?
09:03Yeah, yeah, yeah, from New York.
09:04I'm an actor.
09:05I'm an actor.
09:07Oh, that's cute.
09:08You think being an actor's a big deal.
09:09Everybody out here is an actor.
09:13Yeah, guy in that apartment.
09:15Actor, actor, actor, actor.
09:18Porn actor.
09:19Really?
09:20Yeah.
09:21He lives above me.
09:22He's not the best.
09:23Uh...
09:24So, I guess if everyone here is an actor, does it mean you're an actor, too?
09:28Oh, no, actually, I'm a corporate lawyer.
09:30Wow.
09:31What is that?
09:33I represent greedy businesses.
09:36I make the world just a little bit worse.
09:39So, were you on Days of Our Lives?
09:43Ah.
09:44It took you a minute, but you recognize me, huh?
09:48I'm wearing my Days of Our Lives shirt, aren't I?
09:51Yeah.
09:52Yeah, I did the soap thing, but I'm out here to move beyond that.
09:54I'm actually a very serious actor, yeah.
09:56Ahem.
09:57Romeo!
09:58Oh, Romeo, wherefore art thou, Romeo?
10:04That was Romeo.
10:07Actually, that was Juliet.
10:10What?
10:11Yeah, well, Romeo doesn't start a speech saying,
10:13Oh, Romeo, Romeo.
10:17I've done that for, like, a million auditions!
10:24Blue Wall scene, see?
10:26Take two.
10:28And action!
10:30Ugh.
10:31Ugh.
10:32Ugh.
10:33Ugh.
10:34Ugh.
10:35Ugh.
10:36Ugh.
10:37Ugh.
10:38Ugh.
10:39And, ah!
10:40Ugh.
10:41Huh?
10:42God, I can't believe I'm on a set.
10:47I feel like I should be networking.
10:48Let me go talk to the director.
10:50So, must be pretty cool seeing your uncle star in his own show, huh?
10:53Not as cool as it would be seeing my roommate star in his own show.
10:56Uh, yeah, Michael, about us.
10:57Let me go.
10:58Come.
10:59I don't think it's a good idea.
11:03Why not?
11:04I don't want to get between you and your mom, all right?
11:09I can't have her mad at me.
11:10When we were kids, she used to torture me.
11:12She hit me all the time.
11:13She used to hold me down and force me to say, I am gay for David Cassidy.
11:19Who's that?
11:20David Cassidy?
11:21From the Partridge family?
11:22Really good looking.
11:23The point is, I don't want her mad at me, okay?
11:27I'm sorry.
11:30It's okay.
11:32I understand.
11:33All right.
11:34You are not going to believe this.
11:36The director thought I was an actress.
11:38Well, sure.
11:39That's because you got big fake boobs and you're crazy.
11:41I love it out here.
11:51Sunny and 72 degrees every day.
11:53I don't know what it's like in New York.
11:5571.
11:56Poor bastards.
12:01Hey.
12:02Oh, hey, Alex.
12:03This is my sister Gina.
12:04Alex lives right next door.
12:06Hey.
12:07You have very beautiful hair.
12:08Oh, thanks.
12:09Hey, if you ever want to sell it, give me a call.
12:18Hey, I like that girl.
12:20Don't be trying to buy her hair.
12:23She could be the future Mrs. Joey Tribbiani.
12:25Or at the very least, the future awkward situation.
12:32Oh, it's my agent, the shark.
12:35Hello.
12:36Hi, Bobby.
12:39Right.
12:40And?
12:44What?
12:46Why?
12:48Yeah.
12:49Oh, okay.
12:51Bye.
12:53My show is dead.
12:54It's not even going to air.
12:56Oh, my God.
12:57Did they say why?
12:59People thought it was disgusting.
13:03Jeez.
13:04You defecate on one corpse.
13:09Oh, honey, I am so sorry.
13:11I can't believe this.
13:13How could I go from having two shows to having nothing?
13:19You think you should have done the other show?
13:21The nurses thing?
13:22Oh, no way.
13:23I mean, my thing didn't go, but believe me, no one is going to watch a show about nurses.
13:27I'm with Sam Baxter, one of the honky stars of the smash head nurses.
13:33Now, Sam, is it true that you actually weren't the first choice for the role?
13:36That's right.
13:37The producers had originally offered the role to someone else, an actor named Joey Tribbiani.
13:41Well, wherever he is, I'm sure that Joey Tribbiani is kicking himself.
13:48Tribbiani!
13:51Joey Tribbiani is kicking himself!
14:06Hey, what are you doing here?
14:07I don't know. Mom told me you'd be clearing out your dressing room today, so I figured I'd come by, cheer you up.
14:12Oh. What are you cooking?
14:14Uh, spaghetti and meatballs. It's Grandma's recipe.
14:16It always makes me feel better.
14:18Mom made it for me this one time. This one time I got a B.
14:21Oh, I got a B once.
14:23Cheated my ass off.
14:28So, was today hard?
14:30Yeah.
14:32I can't believe it.
14:33A week ago I was the star of a show, and now I'm the guy who turned down nurses.
14:38Which, which is strange, because in real life I would never turn down a nurse.
14:44So what do you do now?
14:46Got a meeting with my agent later to try and figure out some kind of game plan.
14:49Hey, they're making a new Indiana Jones movie. Maybe you can... turn that down.
15:02Feeling a little more comfortable around your Uncle Joe, are you?
15:05Hey, this is really nice. Thanks for doing this.
15:11You know, if you let me be your roommate, you could have this, like, every day.
15:15Michael, look, you're a great kid, and I would love to have you as my roommate, but your mother will flip out.
15:22I mean...
15:25Uh...
15:29You're in!
15:33No, no, no, no, no!
15:41Oh, hey, Joey. Have a seat, doll.
15:44Hey, thanks for seeing me, Bobby. Look, I know we blew it by turning down that nurses thing, but I gotta believe there is something bigger for me right around the corner.
15:53Listen, you are living in a dream world.
15:59Excuse me?
16:00That nurses show is huge. Everyone involved with it is gonna become insanely rich, and it's gonna haunt you for the rest of your life.
16:07But my job is to keep up your morale.
16:14I do feel better.
16:16Look, I'm a straight shooter, but I'll tell you something else about me.
16:22I am the best!
16:25There is nothing that I wouldn't do for you.
16:28I would...
16:30throw on a meat skirt and wrestle a lion.
16:33I would...
16:34pull off my own ears and eat them!
16:39That's...
16:41gross!
16:43I am gonna get you through this.
16:45I tell you, next year, I am gonna find you a show that'll blow this nurses thing right out of the...
16:52What the hell am I saying?
16:55Nothing's gonna top that!
16:56Uh, uh, hold on. Next year? No, no, no. I need to get something now.
17:05Well, I got nothing.
17:08Zilch. Zero. Nada.
17:12There's gotta be something.
17:14Well, they do need a host for this new entertainment news show.
17:17It's not really acting.
17:20But it may work since you have such a tremendous head.
17:28I do?
17:29Oh, come on. We don't have time for this.
17:33Thanks, Bobby. Thank you.
17:37Looks like you got a big barrel on your shoulders.
17:39Gina, where have you been? My audition's in half an hour.
17:53Sorry, I'll give you a little trim. It'll take two minutes.
17:56Hey, uh, any sign of my stuff? Are the movers called?
17:59No.
18:01Stupid movers and shakers.
18:03I can't be mad at those guys.
18:08Hey, do me a favor. See if you can make my head look a little smaller.
18:15You know, I can't do this. I'm too upset.
18:19What's the matter?
18:21Michael said he was moving out.
18:24Uh, did he say who he was moving in with?
18:27Mom, why?
18:28Uh, no reason.
18:29But, you know, if you think about it, Gina, this could be a good thing.
18:33You, uh, you could have more time for your hairdressing.
18:37Oh, please.
18:38I'm not much of a hairdresser anyway.
18:40I only started cutting hair because Channel 5 exposed me
18:43as the Southland's most dangerous dental technician.
18:48That was some damning footage.
18:54I just don't know what I'm gonna do without him.
18:57He's my baby.
19:00Hey, come on.
19:01No, really.
19:03I don't have much to be proud of.
19:05But him I did right.
19:11I gotta take this.
19:13What?
19:14Yeah.
19:16Oh, I got a lead on some blondes here.
19:21And some good straight stuff.
19:23Okay, we got a big problem.
19:24I just told Mom I was moving out.
19:25She went crazy.
19:26I don't know what she's gonna do when she hears I'm living with you.
19:27Well, let's find out.
19:28Why didn't you tell me she was here?
19:29You couldn't tell I was getting a haircut?
19:30You think I just walk around my apartment in a cape?
19:32He's gonna live here?
19:33Are you kidding me?
19:34Mom, look, this is my idea.
19:35That's true.
19:36Sure.
19:37I bet you Landon right away he begged you.
19:38Please get me away from my mother.
19:39Uh, I cannot believe you would do this to me.
19:40Hey, Gina.
19:41Mom.
19:42Gina, wait up.
19:43Mom.
19:44Gina, wait up.
19:45Mom.
19:46Gina, wait up.
19:47Mom.
19:48Gina, wait up.
19:49Gina.
19:50Gina.
19:51Why'd you tell me she was here?
19:52I was here.
19:53You couldn't tell I was getting a haircut?
19:55You think I just walk around my apartment in a cape?
19:56He's gonna live here?
19:57Are you kidding me?
19:58Mom, look.
19:59It's just my idea.
20:00That's true.
20:01Sure.
20:02I bet you Landon right away he begged you.
20:03Please get me away from my mother.
20:04Uh.
20:05I cannot believe you would do this to me.
20:07Gina.
20:08Mom.
20:09oh my god I know I know I could eat a really big lobster in this
20:27okay Joey the audition is very simple out three cameras each one has a
20:33teleprompter beneath the lens and a red light on top whichever red light is lit
20:37that's the camera you address do so we're watching from that monitor
20:40jeez is that a man or a woman and your might okay let's do this we're gonna roll
20:48Joey Tribbiani audition in five four three welcome to Hollywood minute I'm name
20:59can I start again whenever you're ready welcome to Hollywood minute I'm Joey
21:07Tribbiani and here are today's top stories well even though she's on vacation Joey
21:13you didn't switch cameras oh did the light change yeah even though you're reading
21:18you need to be aware of when the light changes that's really the best way to do
21:23this okay let's try it again in five four three welcome to Hollywood minute I'm
21:31Joey Tribbiani and here are today's top stories well she's on vacation Jennifer
21:38Lopez is in the news today more more on that story later but first let's check
21:44out the box office returns for this weekend topping the list for the third
21:48week in a man that is one fast red light topping the list I know it's not that
21:55one where the hell is it okay Joey thanks for coming in no no no I'm getting the
22:01hang of it please mr. or miss producer I need this job I can do this you're
22:08looking at the wrong camera hey what's wrong I just blew an audition to host this stupid
22:32entertainment show oh well is that even acting no it's just following a really fast red light
22:39I'm sorry if it helps I had a really rough day at work too the company I represent can't drill for
22:46oil in Yosemite well if we're both bummed you want to go be bummed together maybe we could get
22:54something to eat oh I wish I could I have to go to the airport to pick up my husband oh you're married
23:03you didn't know didn't you see the ring yeah yeah I saw a ring but it's not on your left hand so yeah
23:10it is if you say so see you Joey okay hey hey did you know that girl next door is married oh I can't
23:29talk to that girl she makes my stutter come back uh can I talk to you look Michael if we're gonna be
23:38roommates you should know there are gonna be times when I'm not gonna want to talk I'm just gonna
23:42want to eat the spaghetti you made for me um actually well I'm not gonna be your roommate
23:50what why I don't know I talked it over with my mom and she was Michael don't listen to her
23:58she's a selfish crazy okay we need a signal for when she's here
24:02come on Michael we're leaving look Gina this is nuts he's a man okay he's graduated college
24:10he shaves he sleeps with women yeah I do shave come on you have to let him go oh yeah
24:19you can hurt me all you want he's gonna move out sometime not if I can help it look Gina I know
24:27he's your baby but it's time to move on change can be good oh it's easy for you to say no it's not
24:34no look nobody understands wanting things to stay the same like I do I was happy in New York
24:42okay and I tried really hard to keep things from changing but everyone else got got married
24:48and had kids and moved on they all changed so I'm giving change a shot and it has been hard but
25:00okay just hoping things stay the same it doesn't work
25:06you know he's a slob right you know how you like everything nice and clean and its own little
25:30place it's gonna be sauce on everything you own I don't know how it happens that's okay
25:41this is really what you want thank you thank you
25:52I'm just gonna miss you that's all it's been the two of us for such a long time yeah well now it's
26:02the three of us you gave your speech enough you sure you're gonna be okay Gina he's gonna be fine
26:11he's old enough to move out you were raising a kid when you were 16 how did I not figure that out
26:24I mean I I took calculus when I was eight okay now Gina back off I don't want to hurt you
26:35I'm gay for David Cassidy

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