It Burns When I Laugh

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Transcript

00:00:00I love you, thank you, thank you, thank you

00:00:30Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you

00:01:00Remember the kid in first grade who would wear the plastic nylon running shoes

00:01:05The T-R-A-X Trax running shoes

00:01:09How you doing, that was me

00:01:11My favorite TV show

00:01:13I watch every Sunday, Televangelist

00:01:15If you don't watch one, I highly suggest turning one on

00:01:18Favorite one is Robert Tilton, because he's on Late Night

00:01:20And Robert Tilton's the man who prays in tongues

00:01:23My mom would put me in, do you remember the tough skin jeans?

00:01:28Do you remember these?

00:01:29I mean, they were like, they were like, they were skin tight

00:01:32And they had that, they had that big old steel belted radio kneecap patch

00:01:36Do you remember that?

00:01:38Do you remember that thing?

00:01:39I mean, it was like, it was like, these were rigid pants

00:01:41I mean, they were so, they should have been called chafe masters, you know

00:01:44This guy always has the exact translation, right?

00:01:48And it always comes with like the perfect opportunistic time for him

00:01:50I'm watching the other day, he's like

00:01:51People, there is not enough money in this thing

00:01:54I'm going to have to pass this around again

00:01:56Y'all are going to have to dig deeper

00:01:57So I've got my, I've got my track shoes on

00:02:06I've got my Tuscan jeans and my velour shirt

00:02:08I'm like, hey mom, I'm a child

00:02:11Not a child molester

00:02:13So that's Rich Burns, as you probably heard

00:02:16And who am I?

00:02:18I'm Cheryl Larson

00:02:19I'm doing a documentary on what I consider to be one of the most fascinating lifestyles I know

00:02:23That of a stand-up comic

00:02:25So let me ask you the most obvious question

00:02:28Why do you do it?

00:02:31You know, what makes you be a comic?

00:02:32Why'd you start?

00:02:33What keeps you going?

00:02:34Well, I've always been funny

00:02:36Or at least, you know, people, people have always told me I've been funny

00:02:43So what was Rich like when he was a kid?

00:02:45He was feminine

00:02:46Feminine

00:02:47And don't forget, he was feminine, yet definitely hetero

00:02:52Well, he would go gallivanting around the house

00:02:57Well, you know, much like his uncle Raymond

00:03:01And we knew that he was an entertainer from the Getty Up

00:03:06And, well, excuse me, I apologize

00:03:10I have not introduced my friend, confidant, and dare I say

00:03:15Significant other, Mr. Lance Manshaft

00:03:19Well, finally, thank you, Miss Manners

00:03:22Well, whatever you know about Manners

00:03:26I was the one who taught you

00:03:27I remember years and years and years ago

00:03:30Up at Raymond Burr's house

00:03:32Well, you were so busy oogling the pool boy

00:03:35You couldn't even remember what fork to use

00:03:37So there

00:03:39Hey, are you sure we're going the right way?

00:03:46That's what Eileen said

00:03:49She said it was a rural drive

00:03:51Yeah, rural, that's a good definition

00:03:54This is definitely rural

00:03:55This road better empty out into the town soon

00:04:00I know when Eileen were probably playing in someone's house for the kid folk

00:04:04We're not getting lost out here

00:04:07That was scary, okay

00:04:09That sounded just like some line out of a B movie

00:04:12You know, it's like

00:04:13Hope you guys aren't planning on taking me out of the woods here

00:04:16And killing me in some sort of satanic ritual or some shit

00:04:19Oh shit, he found us out, Cheryl

00:04:21Must have seen the goat's head in my suitcase

00:04:24Better call Xavier and tell him the plan's off

00:04:26We'll need to find another virgin

00:04:28You ever notice how

00:04:29The prettier an area is

00:04:32The uglier the people are

00:04:34That's because they've got to have something pretty to look at

00:04:36You know, they've got to have something to look forward to

00:04:37Could you imagine being stuck in some nasty-ass town

00:04:40Surrounded by a bunch of ugly motherfuckers?

00:04:43Actually, yes, I can

00:04:44It's called doing a Fred Schilling's gig in North Dakota

00:04:46I don't think I've ever done that gig

00:04:48What part of North Dakota?

00:04:51I don't know the name of the town

00:04:52I actually, I think it was called

00:04:54Nasty-ass town North Dakota

00:04:55I think I want to work that gig

00:04:58It doesn't sound like there's a lot of puddin' out there

00:04:59Puddin'?

00:05:01You know, like chicks

00:05:03Like road puddin', you know, groupies

00:05:06Hi, how are you?

00:05:23Good

00:05:23Hey, you didn't even do a show

00:05:27When you're already in, bro

00:05:28That's a lot of puddin'

00:05:30That's what I call road tapioca

00:05:32Not nice

00:05:34What's up to film crew, gentlemen?

00:05:39You're pickin' a banjo

00:05:40Oh, uh, we're your comics for tonight

00:05:43We're shootin' a documentary on stand-up comedy

00:05:46Show's been canceled

00:05:48What do you mean?

00:05:53Nobody, nobody told us

00:05:55After the incident last week

00:05:56I told Eileen it just wasn't gonna work

00:05:58What incident?

00:06:04John, have a seat

00:06:05Please

00:06:07Now, are you comfortable?

00:06:16Can't get you anything?

00:06:19Alright, now I'm gonna talk

00:06:20And you guys are gonna listen

00:06:21Last week, one of your brethren

00:06:24Insulted one of my better patrons

00:06:25Big Lenny

00:06:26Patrons?

00:06:26More like Dennis

00:06:28I said without comment

00:06:32Anyway

00:06:35He insulted Big Lenny

00:06:37Because he called his mother a whore

00:06:40Now, that's not the issue

00:06:41Because, in fact, she is a whore

00:06:43And a very fine whore

00:06:45Old school

00:06:46Most of the guys in this bar

00:06:47Have written the passage to manhood

00:06:49And her velvet saddle

00:06:50The thing that irritated him

00:06:52And me

00:06:52Was the fact that he referred to her

00:06:55Like she was common

00:06:56Like she was ordinary

00:06:58You know what, man?

00:07:00Uh, that's great

00:07:00You know

00:07:01But, um

00:07:01We, uh

00:07:03Really need to get out of here

00:07:04I'd love to listen to your story

00:07:06But, you know, we

00:07:06Since we got screwed on this gig

00:07:07Son, you can go when I'm finished

00:07:09Well, you know, we kinda got screwed on this gig

00:07:11So I figure

00:07:12We'll probably get going

00:07:14You can go when I'm finished, son

00:07:17Please do not call me son

00:07:19Uh, unless you plan on playing ball with me

00:07:21Okay

00:07:21Put your head on the bar

00:07:25Put your head on the bar

00:07:29Or I will

00:07:30Now, again, the issue's not whether Lenny's mom's a whore or not

00:07:42The issue is

00:07:44You guys come into these

00:07:45You call them banjo-picking shithole one-nighters

00:07:48And you talk about us

00:07:49Like, like we're beneath you

00:07:50Like we're just some kind of road-killing

00:07:52Your little Audubon to success

00:07:54Kids, you gotta remember something

00:07:56This is America

00:07:57These people are America

00:08:00We make you

00:08:01We break you

00:08:02Without us

00:08:02You become nothing more

00:08:03Than a footnote

00:08:05Of course, maybe you're the exception

00:08:07You, I'm sure

00:08:10Are not

00:08:11Is it okay if I let my head up now

00:08:15Because I'm having trouble breathing through your uncommon bar

00:08:18Get up

00:08:20Listen, sir

00:08:24We didn't mean any disrespect

00:08:26But, you know

00:08:28It's just

00:08:28We're really frustrated

00:08:30We traveled all this way

00:08:32For nothing

00:08:33And we don't even have a place to stay

00:08:36All right

00:08:39You guys have been attentive to my little ramblings

00:08:42So I'll tell you what

00:08:44I'm gonna toss you a bone

00:08:45And I got a place about a mile down the road on the right-hand side

00:08:48It's not much

00:08:49But it's clean

00:08:50So I'll tell you what I'll do

00:08:51I'll put you guys up for the night

00:08:53Tomorrow you call Eileen

00:08:54So you can get some kind of compensation

00:08:56Does that sound fair?

00:09:01Believe me

00:09:01I will call Eileen

00:09:03Yeah, that

00:09:03That sounds

00:09:05Thank you

00:09:05I really appreciate it

00:09:08You can leave now

00:09:09Leave now

00:09:13Um

00:09:14Now

00:09:15Speaking of

00:09:17Sleeping arrangements

00:09:19You don't

00:09:21We got one bed here

00:09:22I'm hoping you don't sleep naked

00:09:24Of course I'm not gonna sleep naked

00:09:27Good

00:09:28Because I didn't want us both being naked in the same bed

00:09:30You know what I mean

00:09:30You're not sleeping naked

00:09:33Dude, I got to

00:09:34I can't sleep in underwear, man

00:09:35I get all bound up and shit down there

00:09:37It doesn't work

00:09:38Underwear?

00:09:39Bullshit, man

00:09:39You're sleeping fully clothed

00:09:41You're sleeping on the floor

00:09:42What are you, like, uh

00:09:44Not quite sure of your masculinity, or

00:09:47No, I just don't want to wake up with your masculinity

00:09:49Poking me in the back

00:09:50So does this mean, like, no cuddling?

00:09:54Was Rich always funny?

00:09:59But you're implying he is now?

00:10:02Well, let me

00:10:02Let me just

00:10:03Let me say something

00:10:04And I'm gonna be the one to say this

00:10:06It's not happening for Richie

00:10:08It's not happening

00:10:09Years ago

00:10:10It might have

00:10:10And years and years ago

00:10:11But it's not now

00:10:12In a nutshell

00:10:14Tonight you're with and calling

00:10:16I like to date the homeless

00:10:19And picking up a homeless

00:10:20They're really easy to pick up, too

00:10:22It's like, uh

00:10:23Picking up a homeless woman

00:10:24And it's like

00:10:24Hey, baby

00:10:25Wanna keep warm?

00:10:29See the tall one?

00:10:31Oh, yeah?

00:10:32Yeah, her name's Nicky

00:10:32Yeah?

00:10:33She's a stripper

00:10:34Yeah?

00:10:34She wants me

00:10:35But, uh

00:10:36Then again, who doesn't, huh?

00:10:37Right

00:10:38Okay, I gotta go

00:10:38A lot of comics were geeks

00:10:40Or nerds

00:10:41Or misfits

00:10:42Or whatever

00:10:42Back, you know

00:10:43It's true

00:10:43And they, uh

00:10:45You know

00:10:46They got into comedy

00:10:47To get back at the society

00:10:49That rejected them

00:10:50Or to get

00:10:51Or to get the

00:10:51The women

00:10:53Who would never give them

00:10:54The time of day

00:10:55Really

00:10:55Because in order for a geek

00:10:56To get laid

00:10:57You've either gotta

00:10:58Be famous

00:10:59Or own a software company

00:11:00And pay for a shitload of hookers

00:11:02And these guys

00:11:03Would rather tell jokes

00:11:04So this is the

00:11:09Comedy condo

00:11:11As they say

00:11:11This is it

00:11:12This is it

00:11:13Nobody said

00:11:15Comics had to be neat

00:11:17Right?

00:11:17That's funny

00:11:18Right

00:11:18Have a seat

00:11:20The comedy condo

00:11:22Is kind of a

00:11:23Sort of a vicious circle

00:11:24Like the club

00:11:25Puts absolutely

00:11:26No money into it

00:11:28Because they know

00:11:29That some asshole

00:11:30Comic is just gonna get drunk

00:11:31And trash the place

00:11:33So

00:11:33That's why it always looks like shit

00:11:35But you can't really blame

00:11:36The club owners though

00:11:37Because some comics

00:11:38Are just idiots

00:11:39Like I know some people

00:11:40Who do some

00:11:41Like

00:11:41Crazy shit

00:11:43Like

00:11:43So stupid

00:11:44Like burn holes in the carpets

00:11:46And

00:11:46And write on the walls

00:11:48Or get really drunk

00:11:50And pass out

00:11:51Or

00:11:51Or do really freaky shit

00:11:53To the couches

00:11:54So

00:11:56Really?

00:11:58I don't mean that couch

00:12:00In particular

00:12:00I'm just

00:12:01Giving you an example

00:12:02Of what goes on

00:12:04In the comedy condo

00:12:05Actually I think

00:12:07It was this couch

00:12:08I'd like to

00:12:09I'd like to

00:12:10Get up

00:12:11And I'd like to

00:12:11Like to get one of these

00:12:13A comics bible

00:12:14A national paper

00:12:17Or a local paper

00:12:18Because there's usually

00:12:20There's usually a story

00:12:21That can relate

00:12:22You know

00:12:22That I can fit into a bit

00:12:24That the locals

00:12:25Will relate to

00:12:26So you do a lot of

00:12:28Current event material

00:12:29And

00:12:30Not really

00:12:33Unless I see something good

00:12:36I'm gonna try to work it

00:12:39What's up?

00:12:45You're back early man

00:12:46What happened to

00:12:48Nikki

00:12:49That girl you were working on

00:12:51The stripper

00:12:52Godhead

00:12:52Oh that's

00:12:55That's too bad man

00:12:56Yeah

00:12:56I know how

00:12:57I know how it feels

00:12:58Yeah

00:13:00It was

00:13:00Afterward

00:13:01We were kicking it

00:13:01In her car

00:13:02And uh

00:13:02Um

00:13:03Turns out

00:13:06You know

00:13:06We're talking

00:13:06Whatever

00:13:08Turns out

00:13:09Nikki

00:13:09Is short for

00:13:10Nicholas

00:13:11Yeah

00:13:13He's a fucking

00:13:13Transvestite

00:13:14Fine

00:13:15Yeah

00:13:16Thank you

00:13:17Oh

00:13:20Yeah

00:13:23Next time you see me

00:13:24Talking to a chick

00:13:24After a show

00:13:25Just remind me please

00:13:27To uh

00:13:27Ask her if she's had

00:13:28Any prostate trouble

00:13:29In her recent past

00:13:30Would you

00:13:31Do that for me

00:13:32Can I use that?

00:13:34Can I use that?

00:13:35Fuck

00:13:35Yeah

00:13:36So what's your take on Sean?

00:13:39He's funny

00:13:40He's a funny guy

00:13:41Um

00:13:42But

00:13:42You know

00:13:43The only thing is

00:13:44That with Sean

00:13:45I mean

00:13:46He

00:13:46I think he's in it

00:13:49For the fame aspect

00:13:50Really

00:13:50To be honest

00:13:51Because he doesn't

00:13:52Stick to one act

00:13:53He's always

00:13:53He's always trying

00:13:54To come up with a gimmick

00:13:55Or

00:13:56Or you know

00:13:57To

00:13:57Be a superstar

00:13:59Or

00:14:00He's always jumping on

00:14:01Whatever bandwagon

00:14:02Comes along

00:14:03To like

00:14:04Get a TV series

00:14:06Anyway

00:14:06I'm thinking about

00:14:06Becoming a prop comic

00:14:07Now

00:14:08I mean

00:14:08I was watching that

00:14:08Potato Head

00:14:09Guy

00:14:10His half hour comedy

00:14:12Special the other night

00:14:13And man

00:14:13That guy

00:14:14He just like

00:14:15Got a killing

00:14:16In the college market

00:14:17He's killing

00:14:18You sure you want to do that?

00:14:20I mean really

00:14:21Because like

00:14:21That gives people

00:14:23No insight

00:14:24Into who you are

00:14:25And most prop comedy

00:14:26Is really stupid

00:14:27Yeah but I don't know man

00:14:30I mean the people

00:14:31Love stupid humor

00:14:32That's it

00:14:32People really love

00:14:33The stupid humor

00:14:33You gotta go for it

00:14:34I gotta go for it

00:14:35I don't know man

00:14:35I'm thinking that's the way to go

00:14:36I think you should

00:14:37Use your

00:14:37You know

00:14:38Work on your religious stuff

00:14:39And make a name for yourself

00:14:40That way

00:14:41Because that's really good

00:14:42And I got nothing against religion

00:14:43Like I said

00:14:44My mom is very religious

00:14:45I've got nothing against religion

00:14:46I just have a different take on it

00:14:47You know what I mean

00:14:48Because I'm thinking to myself

00:14:49God

00:14:49By definition

00:14:51Is the supreme being

00:14:52Right

00:14:53God's got a message for me

00:14:54God's smart enough

00:14:55To send me like

00:14:56A newsletter

00:14:57You know something

00:14:58Comprehendable

00:14:59Logical

00:15:00In a language

00:15:00That someone has spoken

00:15:01In the last 2,000 years

00:15:02You know

00:15:02The only thing that I get

00:15:03That resembles the newsletter though

00:15:05Are these pamphlets

00:15:06That I get on my doorstep

00:15:07Every morning

00:15:08Every Saturday

00:15:08You know

00:15:09And I'm reading their pamphlet

00:15:10Because I'm a good sport

00:15:11I'm reading

00:15:11I'm thinking to myself

00:15:11You know

00:15:12I don't think this is the word of God

00:15:14You know

00:15:14And maybe it's not really the pamphlet

00:15:16So much as it is

00:15:17The paper delivery boy

00:15:19That's bringing it to my doorstep

00:15:20Right

00:15:20Because I'm looking at this guy

00:15:21Going yeah

00:15:21You know

00:15:23Man

00:15:23Nothing quite says

00:15:24Divine messenger better

00:15:26Than a mustard colored

00:15:27Fake tweed jacket

00:15:28With naga hide elbow patches

00:15:29You know

00:15:30And he tells me

00:15:31He knows when the Armageddon

00:15:32Is coming

00:15:32Well judging by his pants

00:15:34Apparently it's coming

00:15:35In flood form

00:15:36Yeah

00:15:43There's

00:15:44Yeah

00:15:46What do I do

00:15:46Slap

00:15:47It's going

00:15:48Hey

00:15:49Hey

00:15:50Hey

00:15:50That was some funny shit

00:15:51Up there tonight

00:15:52Yeah thanks man

00:15:53Man

00:15:53I ain't laughed that hard

00:15:55In a long time

00:15:56Really

00:15:56For real

00:15:57For real

00:15:57Yeah

00:15:57For real

00:15:58Hey you're alright too

00:16:00But anyway

00:16:01That shit you're talking about

00:16:03You know

00:16:03You're talking about

00:16:04Your parents dressing you

00:16:05Yeah

00:16:06I could totally relate

00:16:07Oh yeah

00:16:07My parents were the same way

00:16:09I mean

00:16:10I let my wife dress me now

00:16:11But like

00:16:11You can see

00:16:12She's got a bit of a drinking problem too

00:16:14Yeah well

00:16:17You know

00:16:20I guess

00:16:21I guess my dad had a dick to photograph

00:16:24Hung like a mule supposedly

00:16:27She checked to see if it was genetic

00:16:29Huh

00:16:30Nothing

00:16:31He's just trying to be funny

00:16:32That's all

00:16:33Well leave it to a comedian

00:16:35To try to do a joke

00:16:36Well I gotta go

00:16:42So soon

00:16:43Yeah

00:16:45Yeah

00:16:45Well my wife's gonna get tested

00:16:48Cause when she drinks

00:16:49She gets horny

00:16:51You know what I mean

00:16:52Oh yeah

00:16:53Sure do

00:16:54Unfortunately

00:16:55But thanks for the visual

00:16:56Huh

00:16:57Well I gotta piss

00:17:00Okay

00:17:01You keep going though

00:17:03You keep at it

00:17:04You're funny

00:17:05You're gonna make it

00:17:07Alright thanks man

00:17:08You're gonna make it

00:17:08I appreciate it

00:17:09Alright

00:17:09Thanks brother

00:17:10Alright

00:17:11Every fucking show

00:17:12There's always some guy

00:17:14Some drunk guy

00:17:14Who's gotta come up

00:17:15From the audience

00:17:16And relate to a story

00:17:17You know what I mean

00:17:18Gotta tell you some badass joke

00:17:19Or whatever

00:17:19And every town you go to

00:17:21No matter how bad it is

00:17:22The small of the town

00:17:23The small of the crowd

00:17:24The worse the jokes

00:17:25Yeah and the worse the breath

00:17:27Yeah no shit man

00:17:28My buzz got stronger

00:17:29Off each sentence

00:17:30Before today

00:17:31I was really thinking

00:17:33Is it all worth it

00:17:35Or uh

00:17:35Or should I just pack it in

00:17:37And go uh

00:17:38Go back to work

00:17:39In 40 hours a week

00:17:40You know

00:17:40But uh

00:17:42Now that I got the good work

00:17:43From a man

00:17:44I think I'm gonna stick it out

00:17:46Cause apparently

00:17:47I'm gonna make it

00:17:50So do you always walk

00:17:51To get your coffee

00:17:52In the morning?

00:17:52Yeah I do

00:17:53I like to get coffee

00:17:55Or uh

00:17:56Or breakfast

00:17:57A little something to eat

00:17:58You know

00:17:58And it's hard to get exercise

00:18:00On the road

00:18:00So I like to uh

00:18:01I like to walk

00:18:03As much as I can

00:18:04That sounds like a good idea

00:18:06Yeah yeah

00:18:06Hey

00:18:07Hey man

00:18:08Give me a dollar

00:18:09Come on shit dude

00:18:11It ain't for drugs

00:18:12Or booze or nothing

00:18:13Come on seriously

00:18:13Look at me

00:18:14Fork it over fucker

00:18:17Dude I can't believe

00:18:21You just fucking gave that guy a buck

00:18:22Dude

00:18:22He didn't do anything

00:18:24He didn't even fucking ask politely

00:18:25Yeah did you hear the way he asked though

00:18:27I mean

00:18:28Give me a dollar

00:18:29What am I gonna do

00:18:30Huh?

00:18:31I'm not gonna argue with that

00:18:32Fuck it

00:18:33It's only a dollar

00:18:33Dude it's not the buck man

00:18:35It's the principle of the matter

00:18:36I mean

00:18:36You know

00:18:37He

00:18:37Jesus

00:18:38I mean you gotta make him work

00:18:39For the

00:18:40For this money

00:18:40I mean Jesus

00:18:41What's he gonna do

00:18:42Whittle me a plaque

00:18:42Dude I don't know

00:18:43Make him dance or something

00:18:44Raymond Burr

00:18:45He was so

00:18:46Massive

00:18:47Well

00:18:49Well dare I say

00:18:50Uh

00:18:51Thick

00:18:52Thick

00:18:53Thick

00:18:54Thick is the word

00:18:55We're looking for here

00:18:56Googling

00:18:56Well

00:18:57Googling

00:18:58That's what you were doing

00:19:00And don't forget

00:19:00We met Mr. Burr

00:19:02Lance and I

00:19:03While we were selling

00:19:05Men's furnishing

00:19:06Well he's a huge man

00:19:08For God's sake

00:19:09Uh

00:19:0922 neck

00:19:1138 sleeve

00:19:15And he owned his own island

00:19:17Ray for God's sakes

00:19:19He was his own island

00:19:20Yes

00:19:21Oh

00:19:23And every Friday night

00:19:25We

00:19:26Would all

00:19:27Caravan up to

00:19:28Raymond Burr's house

00:19:29And have dinner

00:19:31Because he was

00:19:32Well he was a gourmet cook

00:19:34Oh

00:19:34He made the best for monkey

00:19:36Ramaki

00:19:40Ramaki

00:19:40To die for

00:19:41And we would

00:19:43Thank you

00:19:43And we would

00:19:44All be up there

00:19:46There you go

00:19:47All of us

00:19:48And we would

00:19:49We would have dinner

00:19:49And then we would put on

00:19:51A little show

00:19:52Much like

00:19:54Well

00:19:54Sort of a gay

00:19:55Our gang

00:19:56He was Darla

00:19:57And I was

00:19:58Alfalfa

00:19:59Oh yes

00:20:00And Raymond Burr

00:20:02Would be there

00:20:02In his apron

00:20:03And for God's sake

00:20:05Not much help

00:20:05Oh no

00:20:06Good ass set

00:20:10Thanks bro

00:20:10Fantastic

00:20:10Hey you had a good set too man

00:20:12Oh thanks man

00:20:13I appreciate that

00:20:14What the fuck

00:20:15Dude isn't that that dude

00:20:16You gave a buck to

00:20:17Holy shit you're right

00:20:18He's drinking a beer

00:20:20Oh hold on

00:20:22Hey

00:20:24Didn't I give you a dollar

00:20:25Should I

00:20:26Hey yeah that's right

00:20:27Thanks man

00:20:28I appreciate that

00:20:28That's cool

00:20:29Yeah but

00:20:29You said you weren't

00:20:31Going to spend it

00:20:31On drugs or booze

00:20:33In your yard

00:20:33Drinking a beer

00:20:34What's up with that

00:20:34No no no

00:20:35I used the buck

00:20:35That you gave me

00:20:36For the cover charge

00:20:37That's cool

00:20:37You know

00:20:38Anyway I wasn't

00:20:39Going to drink

00:20:40But you know

00:20:40The club has a two drink

00:20:41Minimum and everything

00:20:42And you know

00:20:42What am I supposed to do

00:20:44It's not my policy

00:20:44You know so

00:20:46Like you know

00:20:47Anyway you know

00:20:49You're really funny

00:20:50Tonight I gotta tell you

00:20:50That shit about your

00:20:51Parents dressing you

00:20:52Is classic

00:20:53I remember guys

00:20:53Like you in school

00:20:54You know what a

00:20:55Ridiculous fucking

00:20:55Look that is

00:20:56You know

00:20:56So

00:20:57Anyway man

00:21:00Keep it up dude

00:21:01You're going places

00:21:02So did you give it to him

00:21:09Or what

00:21:09No

00:21:10Got me on a technicality

00:21:13Technicality

00:21:14What the fuck

00:21:14Is wrong with you

00:21:15He didn't use the dollar

00:21:17I gave him on the beer

00:21:18He used it on the cover charge

00:21:19And you fell for that

00:21:21Dude

00:21:22Fucking go back over there

00:21:25Dude

00:21:25Alright

00:21:26And fucking

00:21:26Make him do the electric slide

00:21:28Or something

00:21:28Dude

00:21:29I mean dude

00:21:29You guys gotta fucking

00:21:30Work for his money dude

00:21:31Fuck it man

00:21:32It's only a buck

00:21:32Dude it's not the buck

00:21:33It's the principle of the matter

00:21:34You got conned

00:21:35By a guy wearing

00:21:36Nine layers of clothing

00:21:37That's fucking sad

00:21:38No no no

00:21:38It's cool

00:21:39It's cool

00:21:39I got something for my money

00:21:40Oh yeah what'd you get

00:21:41Validation

00:21:42Oh yeah did he relate

00:21:43Yeah

00:21:44You know he did

00:21:44I got two experts

00:21:46Telling me I'm going places

00:21:47You know I don't

00:21:48I really wish

00:21:49I really wish I could live with that

00:21:50But no

00:21:50It's not good

00:21:51It's not good

00:21:52It's not good

00:21:53It's not good

00:21:54Where's he going

00:21:54I don't know

00:21:55So uh

00:21:56I'm thinking of going dancing later

00:21:59Oh

00:22:00You know

00:22:01Find a club or something

00:22:03If you wanted to come with us

00:22:04Oh yeah

00:22:05I'm following you guys

00:22:05So let's do it

00:22:07Yeah

00:22:08Alright

00:22:08Cool

00:22:09Cool

00:22:10You know we don't actually

00:22:11Know where to go

00:22:13So if you have any suggestions

00:22:14Oh I'm

00:22:16His new here is you

00:22:17So whatever you decide

00:22:18Is great

00:22:19Hey so uh

00:22:22Did you get my money's worth

00:22:23Oh more

00:22:24Yeah

00:22:25You made me give him a book too

00:22:28Oh

00:22:29Well I guess you showed him

00:22:30Yeah

00:22:31You guys ready?

00:22:42Champagne

00:22:43Color your eyes

00:22:44What's your sign?

00:22:46Are you hitting on me?

00:22:47Am I hitting on you?

00:22:49No

00:22:49It's for verification of this ID

00:22:51See

00:22:52If this ain't yours

00:22:54You might have the dates memorized

00:22:56But you're not gonna know the guy's sign

00:22:58Smart, huh?

00:23:00Fucking brilliant

00:23:01Uh

00:23:01I'm a Virgo

00:23:03Cool

00:23:08Hot bucks

00:23:09Thanks

00:23:14Do I ever go to the comedy club?

00:23:15Do you ever go to the comedy club?

00:23:17I go every now and then

00:23:18Alright I'll tell you what

00:23:19Four free passes

00:23:20Four free passes?

00:23:22Right there

00:23:22You come down

00:23:23You check us out

00:23:24We're gonna be there

00:23:24Sunday night

00:23:26Tomorrow's the last night

00:23:26We're gonna be there

00:23:27Okay

00:23:27You come down and check us out

00:23:29Yeah we'll be there

00:23:29Me and this guy back here

00:23:30We're gonna be there

00:23:31Okay

00:23:31You come down and check us out

00:23:32But even if you don't go tomorrow

00:23:33Come anytime

00:23:34They're good forever

00:23:35Okay

00:23:35I can go anytime

00:23:36Anytime you want

00:23:37How's that sound?

00:23:37Great

00:23:37Sound good?

00:23:39Yeah

00:23:39Thank you

00:23:39Wait, wait, wait

00:23:40What?

00:23:41You forgot to pay the cover charge

00:23:42It's five bucks

00:23:43What are you talking about?

00:23:44I thought, you know

00:23:44Oh, all you thought

00:23:47You know

00:23:48I see how it is

00:23:50You give somebody a gift

00:23:52But there's strings attached

00:23:54You know

00:23:55I don't want your fucking free passes

00:23:57Because they're not really free, are they?

00:23:59Hey, um

00:24:08We're filming a documentary here

00:24:11And if you let us in

00:24:12We'll put you in the movie

00:24:13Do we?

00:24:14Yeah

00:24:14You put me in the movie

00:24:15Yeah

00:24:15Okay

00:24:16Okay

00:24:17I love you, baby

00:24:30Straight right through and through

00:24:32I love you in spite of all of the crazy things you do

00:24:37Well, running around and drinking

00:24:39Staying out all night

00:24:41Well, it don't take a lot of thinking

00:24:44I figure that ain't right

00:24:46Oh, I never get enough

00:24:49Like a fire who can burn me up

00:24:51What are you guys doing?

00:24:53Um, we're making a documentary film

00:24:55Oh, really?

00:24:56What about

00:24:56This guy right here is a comedian

00:24:58Oh, really?

00:24:59Is that right?

00:24:59Yeah

00:25:00Yeah

00:25:00So you're filming now?

00:25:03We're filming right here

00:25:04We thought, you know

00:25:05He did a show here in town

00:25:07Oh, yeah

00:25:07No, that's great, actually

00:25:09I'll be

00:25:10Very quiet

00:25:11Okay

00:25:12You try to get out of your way

00:25:13You know, whatever

00:25:14But, you know

00:25:14If the camera shit happened

00:25:15Across my face

00:25:17And we're very photogenic

00:25:18Great

00:25:19Very natural

00:25:20Fantastic

00:25:22Let me know

00:25:23If you like me each another round

00:25:24Okay

00:25:24Great

00:25:25Thank you

00:25:26Thanks

00:25:27So where do we go next?

00:25:30Um, well

00:25:33See, Tuesday we've got to be in Sacramento

00:25:35But, uh, Monday

00:25:38We've got a little one night

00:25:39Or someplace in between

00:25:40It's just, uh

00:25:40You know, I don't even know the name of it

00:25:42You don't sound happy about it

00:25:44Nah, it's cool

00:25:46It's cool

00:25:47I mean, why do you even do it?

00:25:50You know

00:25:50Well, you know

00:25:52The lady who books it

00:25:53She heard we're going to be out in this area

00:25:55So, uh, you know

00:25:57So she asked me to do it

00:25:58And I just, you know

00:25:59I figure we're going to be out here

00:26:02It's a little extra cash

00:26:03It's on the way

00:26:04You know

00:26:05What the hell

00:26:05Right

00:26:06You know

00:26:06It's an awful gig

00:26:07But

00:26:08A lot of, uh, owners

00:26:11Or bookers

00:26:13Will just book you right off that recommendation

00:26:14Wow

00:26:15That's how I get into a lot of clubs

00:26:17You're back soon

00:26:22Didn't find no one to dance with?

00:26:24No, I did

00:26:25I got slapped

00:26:26You did

00:26:27Turn on the charm early

00:26:30Huh?

00:26:31I just, you know

00:26:32I just didn't want the same thing to happen

00:26:33Again, like I did the other night, you know

00:26:36So

00:26:37What'd you do?

00:26:39You

00:26:39Grabbed her crotch

00:26:41And checked for a penis?

00:26:43Yeah, right

00:26:44I just, uh

00:26:46Asked her if she was a woman

00:26:49You just asked her if she was a woman?

00:26:53Yeah

00:26:53You just came out and asked her

00:26:55If she was a woman?

00:26:57Yeah

00:26:57Did she look like she could be a man?

00:27:01Not really

00:27:02But

00:27:02And again, neither did Nikki

00:27:03What did she look like?

00:27:08She's alright looking

00:27:09I guess she's attractive

00:27:10But

00:27:11There she is

00:27:13You're an asshole

00:27:14Let's go in, Casanova

00:27:22Way to pick up the chicks, huh?

00:27:26Hi, I'm Sean

00:27:27Are you a man?

00:27:28Fuck you

00:27:29That's all the line that gets me in bed

00:27:31God, I can dance

00:27:32Oh

00:27:32I, uh, I taught dancing

00:27:35At Arthur Murray Dance School

00:27:37In Sioux City, Iowa

00:27:39True

00:27:40And I taught Dear Abby

00:27:41And her lovely sister

00:27:43What is that other nosy bitch?

00:27:45Ann Landers

00:27:46Ann Landers

00:27:47Oh, oh

00:27:48And, well

00:27:49And I taught them how to dance in Sioux City, Iowa

00:27:50Oh

00:27:51Good God, Sioux City

00:27:53Try being artistic

00:27:54In, in that

00:27:55Uh, oh

00:27:57In Iowa

00:27:58For God's sake

00:27:58Oh

00:27:59Sweet Jesus

00:28:00Well, it was years and years ago

00:28:02Got a call from the NBC people today

00:28:05Well, it's great

00:28:06Was it an audition?

00:28:09No, actually

00:28:10I had an audition about a month ago

00:28:11For a new sitcom

00:28:12So did you hear bad news about it?

00:28:17Or

00:28:17Yeah

00:28:18Apparently I'm too witty

00:28:21Too witty?

00:28:23Mm-hmm

00:28:23Hmm

00:28:24Yep

00:28:24They said that intelligent comedy was last season

00:28:27They like my physical stuff, but, um

00:28:30They don't anticipate physical comedy coming back into fashion

00:28:34For another year or two

00:28:36That's insane

00:28:39I mean, if you're funny, you're funny, right?

00:28:43I mean

00:28:43Yep

00:28:44To everybody but the people who count

00:28:46So what did they say?

00:28:48It wasn't a fashion

00:28:49Impressionists

00:28:53What about impressionists?

00:28:56Nothing

00:28:56It's just

00:28:57I just

00:28:57I got a call from the NBC today

00:28:59And they told me that

00:29:00That my brand of comedy

00:29:01Was out of fashion

00:29:03And that impressionists are in

00:29:05God damn it

00:29:07What?

00:29:08Yeah

00:29:09I just fucking went out

00:29:10And spent like

00:29:10Two thousand dollars worth of

00:29:11Like

00:29:12You know

00:29:12On toys

00:29:13And I went to the toy stores

00:29:14And novelty shops

00:29:15And all these like

00:29:16You know

00:29:16Secondhand stores

00:29:18You know

00:29:18Buying stuff to assemble

00:29:20And turn it into my prop comic act

00:29:22And now you're telling me it's worthless

00:29:23Don't worry about it, man

00:29:24I mean

00:29:24It's just

00:29:25You know

00:29:25I don't know why you care

00:29:26It's just one guy's opinion

00:29:27And it'll probably change next week anyway

00:29:30Yeah, you're probably right

00:29:32Shit

00:29:33What am I gonna do

00:29:34Let it go to waste

00:29:35I mean

00:29:35Look out at the car out there, man

00:29:37I got like

00:29:38A trunk full of shit

00:29:40Strapped to the roof

00:29:41Fuck man

00:29:46I don't fucking know, right

00:29:47We're in there for like

00:29:47Fucking half an hour

00:29:48We're eating some breakfast

00:29:49Come out

00:29:50All my shit is gone

00:29:51Fucking my

00:29:51Still my whole fucking act

00:29:53Has been stolen

00:29:53Man, this is worse than doing a set

00:29:55In front of Troy Mills

00:29:56At least he only steals

00:29:57A couple jokes

00:29:58I wonder

00:29:59Maybe let's have a potato head

00:30:01Alright guys

00:30:02Here's the deal

00:30:03What exactly was missing from the trunk

00:30:04Fucking everything, man

00:30:06I fucking

00:30:06I spent out like fucking what

00:30:07Twenty-five hundred fucking dollars

00:30:08With the shit this morning

00:30:09Alright

00:30:10Every fucking thing I had

00:30:11My whole life savings

00:30:12Was in that fucking trunk

00:30:13Alright

00:30:13Now I got fucking nothing

00:30:14Everything was in there

00:30:15Okay

00:30:15You're a comedian

00:30:16Well maybe you should rely on

00:30:17Rely on wit

00:30:18Not so much props

00:30:19Look man

00:30:20I was fucking becoming a prop comic

00:30:21So I didn't need to rely on wit

00:30:23You obviously don't understand the business

00:30:25So, you know

00:30:26Alright, well here's the deal

00:30:27Please stick to being a cop

00:30:28Oh here's the deal

00:30:29We're not gonna put roadblocks up

00:30:31All over the city

00:30:32To find guys with stolen wigs

00:30:33And five-wheeled bicycles

00:30:34What the fuck are you gonna do then

00:30:36This is my fucking life savings, man

00:30:37I understand that

00:30:38But we're not gonna block

00:30:39The whole road down for you

00:30:40I mean we'll do what we can

00:30:41To try to find it

00:30:42And if we do we'll call you

00:30:42But here's a little advice

00:30:44If you're gonna be a comedian

00:30:44Maybe you should write

00:30:45Some really good material

00:30:46It's just an idea

00:30:47Cause then if this stuff happens

00:30:49You can at least rely on your wit

00:30:50Alright

00:30:51Alright, whatever

00:30:52Thanks

00:30:52Talk to you later

00:30:53Fucking comedy advice

00:30:55From Johnny Law

00:30:56Now we know why they call him

00:30:57Ironside

00:30:58Oh, oh

00:30:58Roll him on in

00:31:00Oh, that's the Bronx theme song

00:31:04Is it

00:31:05Boom

00:31:07Shit like this always happens

00:31:09It does

00:31:09That's why, you know

00:31:10I hate to drive anymore

00:31:11I never drive

00:31:12And I fly as much as I possibly can

00:31:14I wouldn't have fucking done me any good

00:31:15Anyway

00:31:16Fucking

00:31:16This shit always happens

00:31:17You're right, man

00:31:19You're right

00:31:20I mean bad luck follows you around

00:31:21Like B.O. at a Grateful Dead concert

00:31:23All I'm saying is that

00:31:27I wanted a punk band

00:31:29I would never sell out

00:31:30You know what I mean?

00:31:31I mean

00:31:31I mean that's

00:31:32That's what punk's about

00:31:33It's about

00:31:34You know

00:31:35It's about the scene

00:31:36I mean it's about saying

00:31:37Fuck corporate rock

00:31:39And how can you say

00:31:39Fuck corporate rock

00:31:40And then sign like a big

00:31:42Three album deal

00:31:43With like Atlantic

00:31:44Or some big record label

00:31:45Like that

00:31:45You know what?

00:31:46I mean it's like

00:31:46It's like a rabbi

00:31:47Converting to Catholicism

00:31:49Because somebody gave a couple of million

00:31:50You know

00:31:51All I'm saying is

00:31:51Be true to your convictions

00:31:53You know what I mean?

00:31:54If you really believe something

00:31:54Believe it

00:31:55And if you do be true to your convictions

00:31:56That's all I'm saying

00:31:57I know

00:31:57I agree with you

00:31:58But

00:31:59I got a question for you

00:32:02What?

00:32:03How come you keep changing your act?

00:32:06Change your act into something you're not

00:32:08Just so you can make it big

00:32:10Isn't that kind of like selling out?

00:32:13I'm not in the book yet

00:32:14Sean, come on

00:32:16Hurry up

00:32:17Let's get going

00:32:17I'm coming

00:32:18I'm coming

00:32:18I'm almost ready

00:32:21I'm just going to put my shoes

00:32:22What's the big rush tonight?

00:32:25It's just

00:32:25I hear weird things about this club owner, Jared

00:32:28He's got specific ideas about the way he wants things to be run here

00:32:31So since I never worked for him before

00:32:34I just want him to get there and make a good first impression

00:32:36Hey, besides, he says

00:32:40John said he's going to open up two more clubs

00:32:43So there's a good guy to be in with

00:32:44Two more, really?

00:32:46Yeah

00:32:46Where at?

00:32:47I think he said

00:32:48Arizona and Texas

00:32:51But he said he overheard him saying something about San Jose too

00:32:55So it's anybody's guess

00:32:57That's cool

00:32:59Alright, I'm ready

00:33:01Ready to go?

00:33:02Yeah

00:33:02Alright, cool

00:33:03Okay

00:33:05Ready?

00:33:09Yes

00:33:09Okay

00:33:10Alright, I got the keys

00:33:12Hey, do you know what you're going to be doing tonight?

00:33:15Uh, yeah, I guess I'm you

00:33:16Yeah

00:33:17Excuse me

00:33:19Bartender

00:33:21Can I talk to you for a second, huh?

00:33:23I don't want to be rude

00:33:23I don't want to get in your face

00:33:24Nothing like that, you know

00:33:25But

00:33:25I specifically ordered

00:33:27A margarita blended

00:33:29No salt, huh?

00:33:31And the salt on the rim

00:33:32No, no, no

00:33:33Yes, there is

00:33:34Fucking salt right there

00:33:35I fucking taste the salt

00:33:37You're the fucking salt right there, huh?

00:33:38You salted a little bit

00:33:40Yes, you

00:33:40No

00:33:41Yes, you did

00:33:42Huh?

00:33:43You fucking ordered it for somebody else?

00:33:45I think I'm the only guy here, huh?

00:33:46You see somebody else ordering a margarita, you fucking prick?

00:33:49Huh?

00:33:49Hey

00:33:50Bill, my friend Bill's going to get something to drink

00:33:53You better not fuck up his order

00:33:53What do you want, Bill?

00:33:54You want something to drink?

00:33:55I'm not going to drink, you see

00:33:56Because I'm thinking

00:33:57This time I'm going to have something like a little

00:33:59A jello shot, maybe

00:34:01Just a jello shot

00:34:02Can I get a little tipsy without getting all full up with the water?

00:34:05You know what I'm saying?

00:34:10The fuck is wrong with you, huh?

00:34:12Hey, Chris, you're drinking with us, right?

00:34:13You're going to drink with us?

00:34:15No

00:34:15I'm not drinking again

00:34:17We've gone out three nights in a row

00:34:18Every night I've got to take a fucking cab

00:34:20I'd be damned if I'm going to get in a cab

00:34:22With those fucking assholes again

00:34:24The fucking Nazi cab drivers are crazy

00:34:25Hey, man, you were awesome tonight, huh?

00:34:30Thanks, man

00:34:30Yeah, I didn't know you could do all those voices

00:34:32I mean, no, no one does, man

00:34:34I, I

00:34:35I can always do it

00:34:37I just never did that stuff

00:34:38Really?

00:34:38I didn't want to be known as like a hacker

00:34:40Impressionist or nothing like that

00:34:41No, man, that's funny

00:34:43That is some really funny shit

00:34:44You should definitely keep that

00:34:46That's a strong closer

00:34:47Oh, you think so?

00:34:48Mm-hmm, definitely

00:34:49Oh, cool

00:34:50That was good, man

00:34:50Did you get a chance to talk to Jared?

00:34:53Uh, not yet, no

00:34:54No, he said he was going to come in here and talk to me, though

00:34:57Oh, yeah?

00:34:58So, mm-hmm

00:34:59He was in the middle of something

00:35:00I don't know how he couldn't have been happy, though, man

00:35:02He fucking, you tore that crowd up tonight

00:35:04Yeah?

00:35:04Yeah, he'd have to be stoked

00:35:05Hope so

00:35:07All right

00:35:12You have Jared's ears

00:35:16Sean, would you excuse us, please?

00:35:22Yeah, sure

00:35:22Rich, have a seat

00:35:24And Sean

00:35:26Yeah?

00:35:27I like what I heard tonight

00:35:29I see potential

00:35:30Now, we'll talk later

00:35:31Oh, thank you

00:35:32I definitely will use you in my clubs

00:35:35When I open the new ones in the future

00:35:37Thanks

00:35:39Sounds great

00:35:41Rich, I...

00:35:45What can I say?

00:35:50John told me you were funny

00:35:51And I can honestly say he was right

00:35:53I just have one question

00:35:58Ask away

00:36:01What's your point?

00:36:04I've been a bartender for 13 years

00:36:07Actually, actually 14 years

00:36:09And, uh, working in a comedy club is a little bit different than working in, like, dance clubs

00:36:14You know, because at a dance club

00:36:15The bar is where it's happening

00:36:17You know what I mean?

00:36:17People come to the bar

00:36:18They're yelling and screaming

00:36:20They're partying

00:36:20Throwing money around

00:36:22They buy the drinks from me

00:36:23They tip me

00:36:24And that's the way

00:36:25I could pull in, like, two bills a night

00:36:26Here, it's not so much, you know

00:36:28I gotta depend on the, uh

00:36:30On the waitresses to tip me out

00:36:32And, uh

00:36:33You know, a lot of them got kids

00:36:36They're single moms

00:36:37And, you know

00:36:37What's gonna happen there?

00:36:40Julie, how many kids you got?

00:36:42None

00:36:43Shut up

00:36:45I like to get to know a lot of the comics come around here

00:36:48They're pretty cool, you know

00:36:49Figure, like, one of them will make it big

00:36:52And come back and get me

00:36:52You know, sweep me off my feet

00:36:53We'll get married and move to, like

00:36:55Probably L.A.

00:36:58Yeah, we'd probably go to L.A.

00:36:59That's where the movie stars live

00:37:00You know, we could buy, like

00:37:01Like, a big truck

00:37:02With, like, big monster tires

00:37:04And a roll bar

00:37:05We'd totally live it up

00:37:07Jared decided to take me under his wing

00:37:08And, uh

00:37:09Mold me into a great comedian

00:37:11I mean

00:37:11Who's a better authority on, uh

00:37:13Comedy than, uh

00:37:14Jared

00:37:14He's been in the business, what

00:37:15Twenty-five years

00:37:17Anyway

00:37:18He also told me to, uh

00:37:19Change my name

00:37:20Make it into something funny

00:37:22So, you know

00:37:23He said

00:37:23If you sound funny

00:37:24People are gonna think you're funny

00:37:26And I figured, uh

00:37:28Bill Hilarity

00:37:29Boom

00:37:29What's funnier than hilarity?

00:37:31I mean

00:37:31Hilarity means funny, right?

00:37:33Funny's good

00:37:33Yes

00:37:34Yes

00:37:34Funny is good

00:37:35But

00:37:36I require

00:37:38A little extra

00:37:39From my headliners

00:37:40I want to see a message

00:37:42I want them to give something

00:37:45To the audience

00:37:46I gave them what they wanted, right?

00:37:48I gave them laughter

00:37:50No

00:37:51No

00:37:52No

00:37:55Yes

00:37:57The thing that pisses me off about this job

00:37:59Is the comedians

00:38:00They don't tip

00:38:01You know, generally

00:38:02They're like

00:38:03Hey, I'm the comedian

00:38:04I'm gonna pay you for the drinks

00:38:05You know, they take that attitude with me

00:38:07And that really kind of pisses me off

00:38:09You know, because they should tip

00:38:10Because we don't really make the money

00:38:12I'd like to be a bartender

00:38:13That'd be cool

00:38:13You know, make the drinks

00:38:15That'd be cool

00:38:16Because I'm really creative

00:38:17I could do that, yeah

00:38:18Like, taste them

00:38:20And like, test them out

00:38:20And like, make up new drinks

00:38:22Because see, the other night

00:38:23I was at home

00:38:23And my roommate

00:38:25Drank all the rest of my beer

00:38:26So I was mixing together

00:38:27Whatever I had

00:38:28Like vodka

00:38:30And tequila

00:38:30Kahlua

00:38:31Little grenadine

00:38:32It was pretty good

00:38:34Alright, but while I was making it

00:38:36I was making macaroni and cheese for dinner

00:38:38And I ripped open that little

00:38:39Powdered cheese packet, you know

00:38:41And I spilled some in my drink

00:38:43And I wasn't gonna get rid of my drink

00:38:45Because that's all I had, you know

00:38:46So I stirred it up

00:38:50And I drank it

00:38:51It was pretty good, you know

00:38:52Yeah, the cheesy whore

00:38:54I'm the one in charge here, really

00:38:56I'm the guy making the drinks

00:38:57I'm in charge of the comedy juice

00:38:59I'm pushing it out there

00:39:00If I make weak drinks

00:39:01It's gonna be a weak show

00:39:03If I make strong drinks

00:39:04It's gonna be a strong show

00:39:05And that's what I tell these fuckers

00:39:06When they don't tip me

00:39:07This could be one of those

00:39:08Like, theme drinks

00:39:09Like a blowjob

00:39:10Or like, sex on a beach, you know

00:39:11And you could have like a ritual

00:39:13That you'd have to go through

00:39:14The bartender would set the drink up

00:39:16In front of you

00:39:17And you'd have to say something like

00:39:18Where's my fucking sandwich, bitch?

00:39:21Nobody gathered around here

00:39:22And even if there was people here

00:39:23You're not supposed to talk

00:39:25Because there's a fucking genius

00:39:26On the stage

00:39:26You know what I mean?

00:39:27Rich, when you get up on that stage

00:39:28Did you grab that microphone?

00:39:30You're the leader

00:39:31They're looking to you

00:39:34For guidance

00:39:35Comedy's not about humor

00:39:40Or laughter

00:39:41Or any of that superficial bullshit

00:39:43That people tell you it's about

00:39:44I'm still working on my jokes

00:39:46I don't get a lot of laughs

00:39:47Jared says that's okay

00:39:50He says comedy's not about laughter

00:39:52I think I'm pretty good for a beginner

00:39:54I'm not telling you how to do your act

00:39:56Okay?

00:39:57And I'm not telling you

00:39:57That I'm not going to book you in the future

00:39:59Because I like you

00:40:01All I'm saying is

00:40:03You need to work on a message

00:40:05I know what I'm talking about

00:40:08I've been around a long time

00:40:10I know a lot of people

00:40:11I have a lot of connections

00:40:13I've got a lot of people sitcoms

00:40:16A lot

00:40:17And I can do it again if

00:40:19I truly believe in that person

00:40:22Your style of comedy's in right now

00:40:25That intelligent physical

00:40:26If I wasn't doing this

00:40:28I'll be honest with you

00:40:29I'd probably be a comedian myself

00:40:30Because

00:40:31I'm a funny fuck

00:40:32You know what I mean?

00:40:35I'm

00:40:35Twice as funny as the jerks that get up here

00:40:37But

00:40:39That comic lifestyle thing

00:40:41That doesn't make it with me

00:40:42You know

00:40:43Stretching from gig to gig

00:40:44No pun

00:40:45They don't make any money

00:40:46They can make any money

00:40:47You ever seen the way these guys dress?

00:40:49They're like fucking dirt poor

00:40:50And I like to live my life

00:40:52You know

00:40:52I have a certain standard

00:40:53That I like to live by

00:40:54You know

00:40:55I've got a good car

00:40:56My apartment

00:40:57But

00:40:58I could be a comedian if I wanted to

00:41:00I've got a lot of funny shit, man

00:41:02Like the other night

00:41:03This guy comes

00:41:03This guy comes up to the bar

00:41:05And he says

00:41:06He goes

00:41:06I like sex on the beast

00:41:09And I said

00:41:10You're going to have to get her permission

00:41:12On that one, buddy

00:41:13I can like give you permission for that

00:41:15Anyway

00:41:17That's just

00:41:18It's just an idea

00:41:19For a joke

00:41:20But

00:41:20I got hundreds of fucking funny jokes like that

00:41:24Personally

00:41:25I think you're exactly what the networks are looking for right now

00:41:28What I'm saying here is

00:41:30That when my audiences leave my club

00:41:33Okay

00:41:34Not only do I want them to think

00:41:36Yay, I had a great time

00:41:37But I want them to be able to

00:41:39To believe that they

00:41:40They left there

00:41:41With something special

00:41:42They were able to take something special home with them

00:41:45Have you tried selling t-shirts?

00:41:49I'm working on this bit about the spotted owl

00:41:51I'm saving that for when I'm a headliner

00:41:53He says it's all about the message

00:41:55Jared knows

00:41:56You see

00:42:03You see

00:42:05Run at a comedy club

00:42:07It's not all about

00:42:08Filling seats

00:42:08Selling drinks

00:42:09And booking acts

00:42:10I'm sort of like a surrogate father

00:42:14To some of these young comics

00:42:15That come in here

00:42:16This club is

00:42:17It's like a home away from home

00:42:19You know

00:42:20And like a good father

00:42:21I want my comedians to do something with their lives

00:42:24To really make an impact on society

00:42:26To give back to the world

00:42:28You know why?

00:42:29Because that's what comedy is all about

00:42:30It's about love

00:42:32It's about caring

00:42:34It's

00:42:34Wait a minute

00:42:36I'm not done here

00:42:37I'm making a point

00:42:37Hey, where the hell are you going?

00:42:39Hey

00:42:39Who knows more about comedy than Jared?

00:42:42You prick

00:42:43So can he really get you a sitcom?

00:42:46I don't know

00:42:48That's what he says

00:42:49I don't know

00:42:51He knows a lot of people

00:42:52He's been in business a while

00:42:53But this is Sacramento

00:42:55It's not exactly LA

00:42:57So

00:42:58Could be on the level

00:43:00But it could just be like a big ego trip for him too

00:43:03But

00:43:05He wants me to do a little spiel at the end

00:43:07I'll do it

00:43:09This club tastes pretty well

00:43:10And he's getting such a crowd

00:43:11So

00:43:12Fuck it

00:43:13Who are you calling?

00:43:14Uh

00:43:15Jim Phillips

00:43:16Comedy contact

00:43:17Really?

00:43:18Yeah

00:43:18You know him?

00:43:19Yeah

00:43:19You work for him?

00:43:20Nah

00:43:20I've been trying to get in here for like a fucking year man

00:43:22Just get to run around

00:43:23Really?

00:43:26He loves me

00:43:26Take him in the phone

00:43:27Really?

00:43:28Yeah

00:43:28Yes

00:43:33Jim please

00:43:34Rich Burns

00:43:35Hello

00:43:37Hey Jim

00:43:38What's up?

00:43:39It's Rich

00:43:40How you doing?

00:43:41Good

00:43:42Good

00:43:42Yeah

00:43:43Oh I know

00:43:45Yeah

00:43:45I'm going to be there in

00:43:46In March

00:43:48Right?

00:43:50Yep

00:43:50March 17th

00:43:51Right

00:43:51Excellent

00:43:52Look I was wondering

00:43:53If you uh

00:43:55If you have

00:43:56Do you have a feature for that week?

00:43:59Oh really?

00:44:00Really?

00:44:02I was thinking

00:44:02I was

00:44:03Well

00:44:03I was going to ask if I could bring my own

00:44:05Sean Payne

00:44:07Oh yeah he's good

00:44:09He's good

00:44:10Oh well I've been going on uh

00:44:13Three weeks with him now

00:44:14Yeah

00:44:16No he's

00:44:16He's rocking the room

00:44:17Definitely

00:44:18Okay

00:44:20He's right here

00:44:21Hold on

00:44:22Do you have um

00:44:23Second week of April?

00:44:25April?

00:44:25Yeah

00:44:26Yeah

00:44:28Yeah he does

00:44:32Alright

00:44:34Alright excellent

00:44:35Thanks Jim

00:44:36Um

00:44:37Yeah I'll see you soon

00:44:38Okay I will

00:44:38Bye bye

00:44:39You're in

00:44:42Second week of April

00:44:43No shit

00:44:43Yeah

00:44:44I tried to get us to work together

00:44:45But you know

00:44:46We had it filled so

00:44:47That easy

00:44:48Dude

00:44:49It's some of the ass dude

00:44:50Thanks man

00:44:51No problem

00:44:52Well um

00:44:53I want to thank you all for coming out

00:44:55And uh

00:44:57I hope you had a good time

00:44:59Cause really

00:45:00That's what it's all about

00:45:01Good times

00:45:03And good laughs

00:45:04Right

00:45:06I mean they say uh

00:45:08Laughter is the best medicine

00:45:09And uh

00:45:11And laughter is

00:45:12A cure all

00:45:13Both physically and mentally

00:45:15You know

00:45:16And

00:45:16If I

00:45:18Could make just one of you laugh

00:45:21And brighten up your day

00:45:24Then I've done my job

00:45:26And all I ask for you in return

00:45:31Is that you

00:45:34Go out

00:45:36And brighten up someone else's day

00:45:39By either

00:45:41By either

00:45:41Telling them a joke

00:45:42Or

00:45:43Or giving them a compliment

00:45:44Make someone smile

00:45:47Because if

00:45:49If everyone can just make

00:45:52One person smile

00:45:54Or put laughter on

00:45:56Another person's lips

00:45:58Then we can

00:46:01Heal this torn nation

00:46:03And answer

00:46:06Rodney King's question

00:46:08Yes

00:46:11We can all get along

00:46:14You know what's up

00:46:18You know

00:46:18What the hell was that bullshit

00:46:21I had nothing

00:46:23See I had once all his headliners

00:46:27To have a message

00:46:28Message

00:46:30Yeah

00:46:30You're stupid huh

00:46:32It's his fuck club man

00:46:34Yeah

00:46:35I don't know

00:46:37Do you think anyone bought it?

00:46:40Not a one

00:46:41I didn't think so

00:46:43I was sort of screwing around

00:46:46Just to show how stupid I'd look

00:46:47You know

00:46:47Who doesn't think I was mocking him?

00:46:52That was beautiful

00:46:54Absolutely brilliant

00:46:56Did I tell you

00:46:57Or did I tell you

00:46:58You gotta trust Jared huh?

00:47:00I've been in this business

00:47:02Too long to be wrong baby

00:47:03Hey

00:47:04I tell you what

00:47:05Take note of your friend here

00:47:06If you ever want to be a headliner

00:47:07He's good

00:47:09Fucking

00:47:11I'm beautiful

00:47:11Sean?

00:47:17Hey

00:47:18Hey

00:47:18What's happening?

00:47:20I didn't think you made it

00:47:23Yeah

00:47:24I came in a little late

00:47:25But

00:47:25You know

00:47:26I only missed like two minutes

00:47:27Of your act

00:47:28Wow

00:47:28You look great

00:47:29You look really great

00:47:30Oh

00:47:31This is Cheryl

00:47:32By the way

00:47:32Cheryl

00:47:33The one year documentary

00:47:34And this is Gary Crew

00:47:35Hi

00:47:36And this is the other comic

00:47:37Rich

00:47:38Hi

00:47:39This is Alyssa

00:47:41I'm sorry

00:47:41My sister

00:47:41Alyssa

00:47:42Oh hi

00:47:43You look nothing like Sean

00:47:45Thank God

00:47:46I know

00:47:47I know

00:47:47Well we're not really related

00:47:48Oh you're not?

00:47:50No

00:47:50Are you like stepbrother and sister?

00:47:53Kind of

00:47:54It's a long story

00:47:56Maybe I'll tell you about it later

00:47:57You know

00:47:57Actually you know

00:47:58I live here in Sac

00:47:59Maybe we can get together

00:48:00Later on in the week

00:48:01And hang out or something

00:48:02I thought you were really funny

00:48:04Oh really?

00:48:05Sure

00:48:07That'd be great

00:48:08Yeah

00:48:08Go get a cup of coffee

00:48:10Or something

00:48:10Yeah

00:48:11So you never told me

00:48:12You had a sister

00:48:13Yeah I didn't know

00:48:14That I was supposed to be

00:48:15Your own personal

00:48:16Chuck fucking glory

00:48:17Hey man

00:48:18I'm not picking up

00:48:20On your sister

00:48:20Jesus Christ

00:48:21Sean

00:48:22We're just talking

00:48:23I'm sorry

00:48:24I'm just

00:48:25Overreacted I guess

00:48:28I just had this kind of

00:48:29Thought of my sister

00:48:30Dating a comic

00:48:32I don't know

00:48:35Just

00:48:35I don't know

00:48:36It's stupid

00:48:37Rich isn't like

00:48:38You?

00:48:39Yeah

00:48:39Pretty much

00:48:40Sorry man

00:48:41No offense

00:48:42It's alright

00:48:44I don't know

00:48:45Get us some drinks

00:48:47Or something

00:48:48I'll go with you

00:48:49Why don't you guys

00:48:50Do you mind talking

00:48:51Yeah

00:48:51That's fine

00:48:52So how is that thing

00:48:54You two related

00:48:55His dad was gonna marry

00:48:56My mom

00:48:57And we lived together

00:49:00For about five years

00:49:01Or so in high school

00:49:02And then his dad

00:49:04Cheated on my mom

00:49:05And they broke up

00:49:07But during that time

00:49:08We called each other

00:49:09Brother and sister

00:49:10Because I had

00:49:11Two other friends

00:49:12Named Sean

00:49:13And a cousin named Sean

00:49:14So when I would say

00:49:16Sean

00:49:17People would say

00:49:17Sean who?

00:49:19Sean Andrews

00:49:20Sean McNamara

00:49:21Your cousin

00:49:22Or your brother

00:49:22So it just became

00:49:23My brother

00:49:24Right

00:49:25And then after

00:49:25Our parents broke up

00:49:27We just kept calling

00:49:28Each other brother

00:49:28And sister

00:49:29I guess it's because

00:49:31We're the same age

00:49:32You know

00:49:33We developed a tight bond

00:49:34Or something

00:49:35So have you always

00:49:35Been close

00:49:36Even from the beginning?

00:49:37No

00:49:38Not at all

00:49:39At first

00:49:40He would always try

00:49:41To get with me

00:49:42You know

00:49:42And

00:49:43You know

00:49:44When I think about it now

00:49:45It's really kind of gross

00:49:46You know

00:49:47It seems so incestuous now

00:49:49So you're saying

00:49:51That Sean picked up on you?

00:49:53Yeah

00:49:53Like when we'd watch

00:49:55A scary movie

00:49:56Or something

00:49:56He'd act all scared

00:49:58And then try to cuddle up to me

00:49:59And then sometimes

00:50:01You know

00:50:02He would say

00:50:02That he couldn't sleep

00:50:03And he'd want to come

00:50:04Into my room

00:50:05And sleep with me

00:50:05In my bed

00:50:06And even when we got older

00:50:09You know

00:50:10He always

00:50:11Always had to hug me

00:50:12And they were long hugs too

00:50:13Come to think of it

00:50:14He still does it

00:50:15But you never thought about it

00:50:17I mean

00:50:18Even before you

00:50:19Consider yourself related

00:50:21Oh no

00:50:21No way

00:50:23I mean

00:50:23He was

00:50:24He was gross

00:50:25I mean

00:50:25When we first met

00:50:27He was so white trash

00:50:28You know

00:50:29He and his dad

00:50:30They're from the mountains

00:50:31I'm from Los Gatos

00:50:33You know

00:50:34We're just

00:50:35A totally different

00:50:36Class of people

00:50:37You know

00:50:38Not to sound snobby

00:50:39Or anything

00:50:39That's just the way it was

00:50:41You know

00:50:42And

00:50:43You should have seen his clothes

00:50:44I mean

00:50:45So

00:50:46Thrift store

00:50:47And I'm not talking

00:50:48Like retro cool

00:50:49Thrift store

00:50:49I'm talking

00:50:51Goodwill

00:50:51Thrift store

00:50:52You know

00:50:53Wrangler

00:50:53Oh yeah

00:50:54Totally dirty

00:50:55Smelly

00:50:55Yeah

00:50:56Stinky

00:50:56You know

00:50:57Like his couch

00:50:58Yeah

00:50:58But

00:50:58Luckily

00:51:00You know

00:51:00Under my guidance

00:51:01He's completely changed

00:51:03You know

00:51:03I've washed

00:51:04The white trash

00:51:05Completely out of him

00:51:06Hey uh

00:51:09I met a chick

00:51:10We're going to a strip club

00:51:11You guys want to go with

00:51:11So do you get the run around a lot

00:51:14What are you kidding me

00:51:16Yeah

00:51:16Check this out

00:51:17Comedy club

00:51:35Yeah

00:51:36Can I speak to Brad please

00:51:37Uh

00:51:38Hold on a moment

00:51:39Sir

00:51:41May someone be calling

00:51:41Yeah

00:51:42This is Sean Payne

00:51:43Hold on

00:51:44Mr. Payne

00:51:48What's this regarding

00:51:48Yes

00:51:49I sent him a tape

00:51:50And I was just calling

00:51:51To check up

00:51:52Okay

00:51:53Hold on again

00:51:54Sir

00:51:57Mr. Johnson's in a meeting

00:51:58Right now

00:51:58Can I have him return

00:51:59Your call please

00:52:00Uh

00:52:01No thanks

00:52:01I'll just hold

00:52:01Sir

00:52:03He's in a meeting

00:52:04It could be ours

00:52:05That's fine

00:52:05I'm on my parents phone

00:52:07Hold on

00:52:09Sir

00:52:13Mr. Johnson must have

00:52:14Stepped out for a moment

00:52:15I'll need to take that message

00:52:16And have him return your call

00:52:17You know

00:52:18Actually you know what

00:52:18I can

00:52:18I'll tell you where I can

00:52:19Where you can find him

00:52:20He's uh

00:52:21In a fucking meeting

00:52:21You're never going to work there

00:52:25I know

00:52:25I don't even want to work there anymore

00:52:27Man

00:52:27It's like fucking

00:52:28You know

00:52:28Someday I'll work there

00:52:30You know

00:52:31He'll be calling me

00:52:32And I'll work there

00:52:32For triple money

00:52:33Fucking bastard

00:52:35Sid

00:52:36Do you still have to put up

00:52:37With that stuff too

00:52:38To a certain extent

00:52:40Yeah

00:52:41I mean

00:52:42I can get a lot more

00:52:43Recommendations now

00:52:44But

00:52:44You know

00:52:46I mean

00:52:46Unless you're a household name

00:52:47And you've been on the biggies

00:52:48Like Carson or Leno

00:52:50Letterman

00:52:50The Mo Show

00:52:51Or you have your own HBO special

00:52:53And you've still got to prove to them

00:52:55That you're good

00:52:56Right

00:52:56I

00:52:57Was on the star search of its day

00:52:59The Ted Mack amateur hour

00:53:00Oh

00:53:01Yes

00:53:02Lovely

00:53:02And I

00:53:03Well

00:53:04I would put on

00:53:05Mother's dress

00:53:06And

00:53:06Oh

00:53:07Mother

00:53:07Lovely

00:53:09Lovely

00:53:09Lovely person

00:53:10Wonderful human being

00:53:11Dare I say

00:53:13True

00:53:14Candidate

00:53:15For sainthood

00:53:16God bless us all

00:53:17We have a

00:53:21Homeless problem in LA

00:53:23But

00:53:23Thank you

00:53:24A lot of people say

00:53:25It's a homeless problem

00:53:26I don't like to call it a problem

00:53:27I

00:53:28I

00:53:28Hi

00:53:29Oh hi

00:53:29So I hear you're the

00:53:31Chick who's doing

00:53:32The documentary on Rich

00:53:34Yeah

00:53:35Yeah

00:53:35That's me

00:53:36I'm

00:53:36I'm the chick

00:53:37I

00:53:38I didn't mean

00:53:39Oh no

00:53:41I'm Todd

00:53:42Hi

00:53:42How's it going

00:53:43I'm Todd Adams

00:53:43Hi Cheryl

00:53:43Nice to meet you

00:53:44I'm a comic too

00:53:45I'm from Sacra Tomeno

00:53:46Great

00:53:47Oh cool

00:53:48Are you just starting out

00:53:48No

00:53:50No I'm a pro

00:53:51I've been doing this years

00:53:52Yeah

00:53:53I'm just taking a little time off

00:53:54You know

00:53:55I've gotten a little too much work lately

00:53:57And figured

00:53:58You know

00:53:59I'm surprised you haven't heard of me

00:54:01Yeah

00:54:01I

00:54:01You know

00:54:02I do shows

00:54:03All the time

00:54:04Well

00:54:04No I'm no comedy aficionado

00:54:07Well you know

00:54:09We can't all be

00:54:09Is that

00:54:10Is that

00:54:11Yeah

00:54:11So uh

00:54:13That's like Mighty Mouse

00:54:14Why Rich?

00:54:14No no baby

00:54:15That's the new story

00:54:16Well why not Rich

00:54:19Is there something wrong with him or something?

00:54:20Well

00:54:20No

00:54:21I mean

00:54:21You know

00:54:22You're not really big into originality

00:54:24He's one of the most original comics I've ever seen

00:54:27I mean you know

00:54:28I think his material's hilarious

00:54:29And I've been in the movie

00:54:31Listen I'm

00:54:31I'm not bagging on him

00:54:32Okay

00:54:32He's a buddy of mine

00:54:33I'm just saying

00:54:34You know

00:54:35Most of the jokes

00:54:36Most of the ones that are really working for him

00:54:38I kind of helped him with

00:54:40Yeah

00:54:40I'd say I

00:54:41I'd say I wrote about half the act

00:54:43Yeah

00:54:44The punchlines

00:54:45Really?

00:54:47Wow

00:54:47So you're saying that

00:54:49That he stole material from you?

00:54:51No

00:54:51I'm not saying stole

00:54:53I'm just saying

00:54:54Borrowed

00:54:56Have you ever smoked so much pot?

00:54:58Like that

00:54:58You actually

00:54:59That joke right there?

00:55:01Yeah

00:55:02Yeah it was crap

00:55:03Before I helped him out with it

00:55:04He ran it by me

00:55:06And I you know

00:55:06Threw him a line or two

00:55:08And he

00:55:08He slipped me some chump change for it

00:55:11Really?

00:55:11Yeah

00:55:11Wow

00:55:12You wrote that punchline

00:55:14Don't say anything to him

00:55:15Because a lot of times

00:55:16When a comic buys a joke

00:55:17You know

00:55:18They get testy about it

00:55:20They want everyone to think they wrote it

00:55:22So

00:55:22Yeah

00:55:24Don't

00:55:24Try not to

00:55:25Bring it out

00:55:26That's very very

00:55:27You know for riches sake

00:55:28Yeah

00:55:28I mean

00:55:29Wow

00:55:30I don't know what to say

00:55:31That's

00:55:32That's

00:55:32Interesting

00:55:32I'd love to see you sometime

00:55:34Oh lucky you

00:55:36I'm coming by tomorrow night

00:55:37Oh really?

00:55:38Yeah I'm gonna do a little

00:55:39A little set

00:55:40So you're gonna be around?

00:55:41I sure will

00:55:42Be here

00:55:43Get ready to

00:55:43Get blown away

00:55:44Okay

00:55:45Alright

00:55:45Yeah

00:55:46Well it was nice meeting you

00:55:47Nice meeting you Todd Adams

00:55:48It's like uh

00:55:51Hey

00:55:51You suck

00:55:53Dick

00:55:54Uh excuse me

00:55:58Sorry I didn't

00:55:59I suck dick

00:56:00Well I'm sorry

00:56:02I don't know what your boyfriend told you here

00:56:04But I've never seen him before

00:56:05So uh

00:56:06Hey we're not gay dude

00:56:08And I said

00:56:09You suck

00:56:10Dick

00:56:11Cause dick is short for rich right?

00:56:16Wouldn't that mean

00:56:16Dick?

00:56:19Hey my father's name was Dick

00:56:21And they used to call me Little Dick

00:56:25My friends used to call

00:56:26My friends used to call up

00:56:27And my mom would say

00:56:28Oh do you want to speak to

00:56:29The Big Dick or Little Dick?

00:56:32And the other thing

00:56:33I mean

00:56:33It's tough like

00:56:35When uh

00:56:35You know

00:56:36Meeting girls

00:56:38It's tough when your name's Dick

00:56:39But remember my last name's Burns

00:56:40You know

00:56:41What am I supposed to do?

00:56:42Welcome

00:56:42How you doing?

00:56:44Dick Burns

00:56:44See you know

00:56:46About five years ago

00:56:47We started

00:56:48It's taken off

00:56:48Done pretty well

00:56:49Made a little money

00:56:50Had a lot of fun

00:56:51Right?

00:56:52Hey aren't you Dre Simms?

00:56:53Yes

00:56:53Hosted hip hop comedy showcase right?

00:56:55Yes I am

00:56:55Oh damn

00:56:56I'm a huge fan of your show man

00:56:58Thank you very much man

00:56:59I saw your set

00:56:59It was alright

00:57:00It was alright

00:57:01Oh that's cool man

00:57:02I'm such a fan

00:57:02I swear

00:57:03I love your show man

00:57:04Sit down

00:57:04Oh really?

00:57:05Oh cool man

00:57:05Cause I uh

00:57:06Oh shit sorry about that man

00:57:07I didn't really get all over you there

00:57:08So what's the deal with this guy Todd Adams?

00:57:12Todd Adams?

00:57:13Yeah

00:57:13Thank you

00:57:15Well he said that you were using his material

00:57:18Or you

00:57:18What?

00:57:20I was using

00:57:21He said that I was using his material?

00:57:24Well yeah

00:57:25I mean something like that

00:57:26Like you bought his jokes

00:57:27Or you bought his material

00:57:28I bought

00:57:29Yeah

00:57:30My material from Todd Adams

00:57:32He made a big point of saying it

00:57:34Yeah

00:57:34I was wondering

00:57:35Um

00:57:36What it takes

00:57:37To actually like get on the show

00:57:39I'd like to get on the show if I could

00:57:40Um

00:57:40You understand

00:57:41That it's a black show?

00:57:42Oh yeah

00:57:43Yeah yeah

00:57:43And you realize

00:57:45You're white

00:57:46Yeah

00:57:48Yeah what's the problem?

00:57:49Uh

00:57:50It's a black show

00:57:51Like the Apollo

00:57:53Right

00:57:53Black audiences

00:57:54Right

00:57:55Coming to see

00:57:55Black comics

00:57:57Yeah but I work black rooms all the time

00:57:59They love me

00:57:59Black audiences love me

00:58:00I kick ass in the black rooms

00:58:01I gotta tell you man

00:58:02I've had a few white people on before man

00:58:04They suck man

00:58:05They don't uh

00:58:06They don't do very well

00:58:07Yeah but dude

00:58:08I can do it you know why

00:58:08Cause I'll tell you something

00:58:09Cause I know like no color lines

00:58:12Okay

00:58:13I don't know no color lines

00:58:14And I don't even think

00:58:15To be honest with you

00:58:16That color has anything to do with pigmentation

00:58:18Okay

00:58:19So wait

00:58:19If color has nothing to do with pigmentation

00:58:22What is color?

00:58:24It's about what you have to say man

00:58:26It's like well you know

00:58:27Who you are

00:58:28What's your point is

00:58:29What's your message

00:58:30To all the people

00:58:30That's what it's about

00:58:31Your message

00:58:32Yeah

00:58:33Right

00:58:33So you've been talking to Jared right?

00:58:35Man I'm serious man

00:58:36I'm totally serious

00:58:37Cause no no

00:58:37Look dude

00:58:38I can do a good

00:58:38I can do a black

00:58:39Okay

00:58:40Black comedy

00:58:40Alright

00:58:41From a white perspective

00:58:42Black comedy

00:58:45From a white perspective

00:58:46Yeah man

00:58:47I speak of bonics

00:58:48Okay wait

00:58:48Okay

00:58:49I'll tell you what

00:58:50I'm gonna give you my card

00:58:51Alright

00:58:52We're having auditions

00:58:53All around the country

00:58:53You know

00:58:54And we'll be back here

00:58:55In about six months

00:58:56And I'll get you an audition

00:58:57For next season

00:58:57Really?

00:58:58For reals?

00:58:58Yes

00:58:59For reals

00:58:59YBT

00:59:00Now come on

00:59:01Dude that's killer man

00:59:02That sounds so killer

00:59:03I'm gonna be in touch

00:59:04Don't

00:59:04Don't say killer

00:59:05No

00:59:06Alright

00:59:07Word

00:59:08Word

00:59:10Huh?

00:59:10Alright cool

00:59:11Thanks man

00:59:11I'll call you

00:59:12Alright

00:59:12Six months

00:59:13I'll call you

00:59:14Six months

00:59:14Alright

00:59:15No sooner

00:59:16Cool

00:59:16Alright

00:59:17That guy

00:59:18He opened for me

00:59:20At a one nighter

00:59:21In Montana

00:59:21He's been waiting

00:59:23He's been asking me

00:59:24To take him on the road

00:59:25With me

00:59:26This

00:59:27Shit he

00:59:28He lives here

00:59:30And he can't even

00:59:30Get into this club

00:59:31Well actually

00:59:32He said he was gonna

00:59:33Be here tomorrow night

00:59:34And I should totally

00:59:34Check out the show

00:59:35He's doing a guest set

00:59:38Yeah

00:59:38No shit

00:59:40Oh man

00:59:42I am gonna give him

00:59:43So much shit

00:59:44No you know what

00:59:45I'm there yet

00:59:46I don't even have to

00:59:47He's gonna hang himself

00:59:48Up there

00:59:48What's that?

00:59:50Talking about Todd Adams

00:59:52You know him?

00:59:53That guy?

00:59:53Oh he's at the bar earlier?

00:59:55Not funny right?

00:59:56No he sucks

00:59:57Yeah I know

00:59:58Yeah

00:59:58No he told Cheryl

01:00:01That I buy my material

01:00:03From him

01:00:04Yeah

01:00:04No way

01:00:05Only the best jokes

01:00:06He said

01:00:06What a fucking idiot

01:00:07I know man

01:00:08He's doing a guest set

01:00:09Here tomorrow night

01:00:09Dude you're gonna beat his ass

01:00:11Or what?

01:00:11I'd beat his ass

01:00:11Dude you gotta do

01:00:12No you know what?

01:00:13Let me beat him

01:00:13Let me do it

01:00:14Cause I fucking

01:00:14Motherfucker

01:00:15Non funny

01:00:16Motherfucker

01:00:17What?

01:00:18What?

01:00:18First

01:00:19I'm gonna let him do it with the set

01:00:21He'll fucking beat his own ass

01:00:24Yeah

01:00:24Did I

01:00:25I saw you talking to

01:00:27Dre Simms over there

01:00:30What's that about?

01:00:31I don't know

01:00:32I was just talking to him about

01:00:33To get an audition for

01:00:35Hip Hop Comedy Showcase

01:00:36Why?

01:00:40I mean why?

01:00:41Dude have you seen that show?

01:00:42Have you seen the people on that show dude?

01:00:43Yeah

01:00:43They all do the same act

01:00:46Yeah exactly

01:00:47And they get the

01:00:47Like TV show with the ass

01:00:48Okay I mean

01:00:49Everybody that's been on that

01:00:50Is now working in like

01:00:51Sitcom

01:00:52Or movies

01:00:53Or something

01:00:54Dude

01:00:54I'm thinking that's my calling

01:00:55Yeah but

01:00:57Sean

01:00:57You forget one minor thing

01:01:00You're white

01:01:02They don't like white people

01:01:04On that show

01:01:05No dude

01:01:05That's not true

01:01:06They just don't

01:01:07Relate

01:01:08To what most white comics

01:01:10Are talking about

01:01:10That's the problem

01:01:11Uh huh

01:01:12I'm gonna do a whole different set

01:01:14Okay

01:01:14I'm gonna do black comedy

01:01:16Alright

01:01:17From a white perspective

01:01:19Black comedy

01:01:21From a white perspective

01:01:22That's a high concept there

01:01:23Yeah

01:01:23And what are you gonna

01:01:25Talk about growing up in the hood?

01:01:27You're from Los Gatos

01:01:28California

01:01:29Vanilla Latte

01:01:30What do you

01:01:31Could you possibly relate to?

01:01:32Dude

01:01:33You said it yourself

01:01:34Okay

01:01:34They all do the same act

01:01:35Right?

01:01:36All I gotta do

01:01:37Is watch some of the tapes

01:01:39Watch the show

01:01:39Then all I gotta do

01:01:41Is like take all the niggas

01:01:42And change it to like

01:01:44Crackers

01:01:44Or honkies

01:01:45I'm fucking set

01:01:46Well good luck man

01:01:49You got a set of balls on you

01:01:50Anyway

01:01:50I'll tell you that

01:01:51Maybe it'll work

01:01:53Damn straight

01:01:54Wow

01:01:55Dude

01:01:56Dude

01:01:56I had to tell you

01:01:58That pot shit

01:02:00Was so fucking great

01:02:02It was so fucking true man

01:02:05I can't believe you don't smoke pot no more man

01:02:11You're fucking lying

01:02:13You're a closet toker

01:02:17And it's 420 dude

01:02:18Ha ha

01:02:19Really

01:02:20Hey

01:02:21I got some kind bud loaded in my bong right now in the parking lot

01:02:26That's fired up bro

01:02:28Oh thanks but I really did quit

01:02:32Pot smokers don't quit

01:02:34They graduate

01:02:36I'm just giving you shit bro

01:02:40You really

01:02:41You actually

01:02:42You drive around with

01:02:43With a bong

01:02:43Actually

01:02:45It's a water pipe

01:02:47I work at one of those head shops

01:02:49And it's illegal for us to call it a bong

01:02:52That's why when you go in there

01:02:53They always say it's for tobacco

01:02:55Really

01:02:57No shit

01:02:58Yeah

01:02:58Cause like

01:02:59Pot's like

01:03:00Fucking illegal

01:03:02You know

01:03:02Really

01:03:03Uh huh

01:03:04Thanks man

01:03:06Thank you bro

01:03:07Yeah

01:03:07Dude

01:03:13Is that thing on bro?

01:03:16Yeah

01:03:17Hey man

01:03:22Can you do like that squiggly thing to my face like on cops?

01:03:25Because

01:03:26If my boss sees this I'm fucked

01:03:28And

01:03:28If

01:03:29My parole

01:03:30Six months

01:03:31I have to keep a job

01:03:32Fuck

01:03:34I'm out of here

01:03:35Good luck bro

01:03:36You're going places

01:03:37Thanks man

01:03:38So

01:03:39Do you guys always come out to see Rich?

01:03:41Oh yeah

01:03:42We come here all the time

01:03:43And this is the first time we've been here twice in one week though

01:03:46This Rich Burns guy is hysterical

01:03:48We love Dick

01:03:49Dick rocks

01:03:50We love Dick

01:03:51The good news is

01:03:53Jared has decided to give you five minutes of his stage time

01:03:56Great

01:03:57You'll be wearing that

01:03:58Yeah

01:03:59Pretty cool huh

01:04:00So

01:04:02Five minutes means you're off the stage by 8.20

01:04:05Not

01:04:058.21

01:04:06Not 8.19

01:04:088.20

01:04:08Understood?

01:04:09Got it

01:04:098.20

01:04:10Alright

01:04:10No problem

01:04:11You're going to watch my magic?

01:04:14I'll be watching

01:04:15Cool

01:04:15Cause I'm going to kick some ass

01:04:17Pay attention

01:04:18Okay

01:04:21We'll see

01:04:23I keep going for bail

01:04:28Pretty good

01:04:29Yeah absolutely

01:04:31So how's it going y'all?

01:04:32I'm Todd Adams

01:04:33You doing pretty good?

01:04:35Yeah

01:04:35Yeah good

01:04:36So I'm a comic

01:04:38I'm from Sacramento's

01:04:40The Freshmaker

01:04:41The Freshmaker

01:04:44Yeah

01:04:45Alright

01:04:46So uh

01:04:47Been traveling around quite a bit

01:04:49You know uh

01:04:50Trying to uh

01:04:52Watch a little TV

01:04:53A little bit of the Yan Can Cook

01:04:55What's the deal with that motherfucker anyway?

01:04:57Didn't my dad shoot him at the house?

01:04:58Dude he's got like five minutes

01:04:59When's he going to get to his set?

01:05:00Come on

01:05:00Yan Can get me a soda

01:05:02This is his set

01:05:03You know what I'm talking about mister

01:05:04Right?

01:05:05Yeah

01:05:06He knows

01:05:06So I'm uh

01:05:08I'm taking a shit

01:05:09Right?

01:05:09And it's not one of the nice chunky ones

01:05:12One of the easy ones

01:05:13That uh

01:05:14You're going to use

01:05:15Less than half a roll

01:05:16I'm talking about a wet one

01:05:18You know where it's like

01:05:19Going down

01:05:20And splashing on my butt

01:05:21You know

01:05:22Sir

01:05:22Yeah you feel me on that

01:05:24My dad ladies and gentlemen

01:05:25I can't

01:05:25I told

01:05:26I specifically

01:05:27Told him

01:05:28Five minutes

01:05:29You heard

01:05:30You heard me say five minutes

01:05:30Right?

01:05:31Five minutes

01:05:32And I've been giving him the light now

01:05:33For like two minutes

01:05:34That's seven minutes

01:05:36And uh

01:05:37You know what it is?

01:05:37He's inconsiderate

01:05:38He is oblivious to his actions

01:05:40And he's inconsiderate

01:05:41And I'm

01:05:42Hygiene products

01:05:43For men

01:05:43Seven minutes

01:05:44That is intolerable

01:05:45You know maybe something clever

01:05:46Like balls anew

01:05:48You ever uh

01:05:49You ever drink

01:05:49And uh

01:05:51You know you wake up the next day

01:05:52With injuries

01:05:53You know like a broken hand

01:05:54From beating your kids

01:05:56Beat your kids

01:05:58Is what I'm getting at

01:05:59You know what I'm saying?

01:06:01Be a lot less trouble in the world

01:06:02If people just uh

01:06:03Keep the spanking going

01:06:05And I'm not just talking about

01:06:06Me and the neighbor

01:06:07You didn't see the other lights

01:06:09Yeah that's right

01:06:09You off

01:06:10You off

01:06:11Oh this

01:06:12Oh

01:06:13Oh

01:06:13Hey

01:06:14He's never gonna work

01:06:16In my club again

01:06:17How about it for Dirty Saki?

01:06:18Because I specifically told him

01:06:20Five minutes

01:06:20What is it?

01:06:21What is it?

01:06:21Ten minutes

01:06:22I've told him already

01:06:24Oh yes

01:06:25Light him

01:06:29So uh

01:06:31This is Dirty Saki's impression

01:06:33Of Jack Nicholson

01:06:34Okay everybody ready?

01:06:35Dirty Saki

01:06:36Doing Jack Nicholson

01:06:39You know who Jack Nicholson is sir?

01:06:41Yeah

01:06:42Okay well here we go

01:06:43Here's Saki

01:06:46Sean

01:06:48Get him off my stage

01:06:50Get him

01:06:52Off Jared's stage

01:06:53Don't wait

01:06:54Don't you have an MC for this or what?

01:06:56Here's Saki

01:06:57Do an impression

01:06:58Of him

01:06:58I have him

01:06:59On a very important project

01:07:01He cannot be

01:07:02Interrupted right now

01:07:03I don't care what you say

01:07:06Just get him off the friggin stage

01:07:07Okay?

01:07:07Alright

01:07:08Come on

01:07:08Go

01:07:09Alright

01:07:10So uh yeah

01:07:12How about a hand

01:07:13For your waitstaff

01:07:14Everybody

01:07:15Aren't your waitstaff

01:07:16Working

01:07:17Yeah I'll tell you something

01:07:18One of these girls

01:07:19Is going to have a kid

01:07:20I've decided

01:07:22Plenty of time

01:07:25So uh

01:07:26I uh

01:07:28Travel around the country a lot

01:07:29Been over to uh

01:07:30Wyoming

01:07:31Boy those people are stupid

01:07:33I uh

01:07:34I was thinking about

01:07:36Hey Todd Adams

01:07:36Ladies and gentlemen

01:07:37Give it up for Todd

01:07:38Now let's hear it for Todd

01:07:39Yeah how about it

01:07:40For me

01:07:40Yeah everybody

01:07:41Hey what do you think

01:07:41So uh

01:07:42Come on man

01:07:43So how about those Asian drivers

01:07:45Huh

01:07:46Jesus Christo

01:07:47If I see another

01:07:48Slanny in my rear view

01:07:50People

01:07:50You know what I'm talking about

01:07:52It's just

01:07:52You know

01:07:53They're always there

01:07:54They can't really

01:07:55Hey so folks

01:07:55Thanks a lot

01:07:56I'm Todd Adams

01:07:57Tip your way

01:07:57Whoa

01:07:59Whoa

01:08:00Hey

01:08:01What the hell was that

01:08:02What was what

01:08:04What the fuck are you doing up there

01:08:05I said five minutes

01:08:07Did I say five minutes

01:08:08You said five minutes

01:08:09See I said five minutes

01:08:10And you did ten minutes

01:08:11I had to have your ass

01:08:12Dragged off the friggin stage

01:08:14What the fuck are you doing

01:08:15Well I figured you know

01:08:16Since I was killing

01:08:17You were killing

01:08:19You were killing me

01:08:20What audience were you performing in front of

01:08:22You were killing my business

01:08:23Look pal

01:08:24When I say five minutes

01:08:26I mean five minutes

01:08:27Five minutes

01:08:28Period

01:08:29You're never gonna work here

01:08:31Ever

01:08:31I never wanna see you

01:08:33In my club again

01:08:33Now get the fuck out of here

01:08:35Hey

01:08:38The door's that way

01:08:39I gotta get my stuff

01:08:41Out of the green room

01:08:42Oh you gotta get your stuff

01:08:44Hey I tell you what

01:08:45I'll give you five minutes

01:08:46Can you do five minutes

01:08:48That'd be really good

01:08:49Come on

01:08:51I tell you what

01:08:51I'll give you a light at four

01:08:52See I still got the light

01:08:54See

01:08:54Can you see it now

01:08:55Is it close enough

01:08:56What do you think

01:08:57I was trying to do

01:08:58Land a fucking plane

01:08:59Hey buddy

01:09:03It was a nice day

01:09:04Hey thanks man

01:09:05Sure

01:09:06Hey you know that joke

01:09:06About Yen Ken Cook

01:09:08Can I buy that outfit

01:09:09Did you get paid

01:09:14Yeah you

01:09:15Yeah

01:09:16Yeah

01:09:17Um

01:09:19I'll say

01:09:21What time

01:09:21What time's your plane

01:09:22Taking off tomorrow

01:09:23Early

01:09:24Like uh

01:09:26Like eight o'clock

01:09:27I think

01:09:28I gotta check

01:09:28When I get back

01:09:28To the condo

01:09:29You gonna need a ride

01:09:31Back to the airport

01:09:32Or something

01:09:32Cause I'm taking off

01:09:33Early in the morning

01:09:33So if you need a ride

01:09:34You know

01:09:35Um

01:09:35No I think so

01:09:36But uh

01:09:37Jared said

01:09:37He'd give me a ride

01:09:38Oh really

01:09:39Oh that's cool

01:09:40Um

01:09:41Yeah I think

01:09:43I don't know

01:09:43I'm thinking about

01:09:44Uh

01:09:44What are you gonna do

01:09:45Are you gonna

01:09:45Hang out

01:09:46Are you going back

01:09:47To the condo right now

01:09:47Or what's going on

01:09:48I

01:09:50I think I'm gonna bail

01:09:52Oh really

01:09:52I think yeah

01:09:53I think I'm gonna get packed

01:09:54And go to bed

01:09:55Oh that's cool

01:09:56Yeah

01:09:57I'm thinking about

01:09:59I don't know

01:10:01Hanging out for a little while

01:10:03Oh yeah

01:10:03Blowing my check

01:10:04You know

01:10:04Something like that

01:10:05I don't know

01:10:05Have fun

01:10:06Yeah thanks man

01:10:07Hey um

01:10:08Hey did

01:10:09I was gonna ask you

01:10:10Did Jared

01:10:10Did Jared give you a week

01:10:11Back here

01:10:12Already

01:10:13It's only a call next week

01:10:14Oh really

01:10:14Yeah

01:10:15He loves me now

01:10:16Oh really

01:10:16That's cool

01:10:17Yeah

01:10:17He uh

01:10:18He said he's gonna put a call

01:10:19Into his friend at the Mo Show

01:10:20Oh really

01:10:20Does he actually know

01:10:21People at the Mo Show

01:10:22Or what

01:10:22I don't know

01:10:24That's what he says

01:10:24Really

01:10:24Find out

01:10:26Well good luck with that man

01:10:27I hope that goes for you

01:10:28Thanks man

01:10:29Give me a call

01:10:29When you get back

01:10:30Oh I will

01:10:30Hang out or something

01:10:31Yeah definitely

01:10:32Thank you

01:10:33Thanks again

01:10:34Sure

01:10:34Hey you two uh

01:10:36Drive home safely okay

01:10:38Okay

01:10:38Bye

01:10:39Bye

01:10:40Hey we'll see you man

01:10:40Alright buddy

01:10:41So uh

01:10:44So uh

01:10:46What do you think of me now

01:10:48Oh

01:10:48Funny

01:10:50Interesting

01:10:51Stimulating

01:10:53Yeah

01:10:54But you still don't have a chance

01:10:57I figured you know

01:11:00What the hell right

01:11:01I mean probably last time

01:11:02I'm gonna see you right

01:11:03I might as well at least try

01:11:03I probably would have been

01:11:05Strangely disappointed

01:11:06If you hadn't so

01:11:07Well in that case

01:11:08How about like you know

01:11:09How about like goodbye hug

01:11:10Something like that

01:11:10Oh god no no

01:11:11Your sister

01:11:12She might be jealous

01:11:14The whole

01:11:15Oh really

01:11:16Yeah

01:11:17I kind of knew who she liked

01:11:18What'd she say

01:11:19So how are things

01:11:21Since I last saw you

01:11:22Good

01:11:23I uh

01:11:24I got a spot on the Mo Show

01:11:25You did

01:11:26I did

01:11:26Oh my god

01:11:27Congratulations

01:11:27Thank you

01:11:28So when is it happening

01:11:30Um two weeks from Thursday

01:11:31I'll be there

01:11:33Thanks you guys

01:11:35But wait there's more

01:11:35I got one for you

01:11:36What's this right here

01:11:37Huh

01:11:37Kate Moss clothes hanger

01:11:39Right there

01:11:40That's right

01:11:41I found this floating

01:11:42Out in the ocean

01:11:42Out there

01:11:42You know what kind of wood

01:11:43That is right there

01:11:43Sir right there

01:11:44What kind of wood

01:11:44It's a Natalie wood

01:11:45So speaking of Sean

01:11:48Have you seen or heard

01:11:49From him since Sacramento

01:11:50Uh yeah

01:11:52Actually he called me yesterday

01:11:53He uh

01:11:54He's gonna be back up

01:11:55At Jared's next week

01:11:56For the comedy

01:11:57Hip hop showcase audition

01:11:59Wow

01:12:00I'm gonna go

01:12:00You are?

01:12:01Yeah

01:12:01Do you wanna go?

01:12:03Yeah

01:12:03Alright everybody

01:12:06I want y'all to kick on back

01:12:07And relax

01:12:08And enjoy this next young man

01:12:09Coming up to the stage right now

01:12:11From Los Gatos California

01:12:12Show your love

01:12:13For Sean Payne

01:12:14What's up

01:12:16What's up

01:12:16How you guys doing

01:12:17What's going on

01:12:18Hip hop comedy showcase

01:12:20I pull down my pants

01:12:21And bitch is like

01:12:22God damn

01:12:22Man that's the whitest brother

01:12:24I have ever seen

01:12:26You know what I mean

01:12:26And they'll be like

01:12:27They're looking at me

01:12:27And they're like

01:12:28Damn man

01:12:29This guy

01:12:29He's got like

01:12:30More white meat

01:12:31Than Thanksgiving

01:12:31I could stay in the pussy

01:12:33For days man

01:12:34He stay in the pussy

01:12:34No cause we have to

01:12:36You know what I mean

01:12:36Cause we ain't got that big shit

01:12:38That y'all got

01:12:38You know what I mean

01:12:39So we gotta stay in there

01:12:40We gotta stay there

01:12:40For like three four days

01:12:41You know

01:12:41And you know we invented

01:12:43Oral sex too right

01:12:44You know that

01:12:44You know the brothers

01:12:45Don't be doing that shit

01:12:46We invented that shit

01:12:47I make a picnic out of it

01:12:48You know

01:12:49I take a bib and shit

01:12:50I'm all up in that motherfucker

01:12:51You know what I'm talking about

01:12:51I just get down

01:12:52I just get dirty

01:12:54You know what I'm talking about

01:12:54But there really is

01:12:55Hey I cannot believe

01:12:56He's actually doing this

01:12:57You know what I mean

01:12:58You can see it in like

01:12:59In like the cars we drive

01:13:00Yeah

01:13:01Cause like a white guy

01:13:03I mean

01:13:03Cracker drive like a little

01:13:04Old economy car

01:13:05Right

01:13:06It's small

01:13:07You know

01:13:08It gets good gas mileage

01:13:09Goes long

01:13:10Home one tank

01:13:11You know what I'm talking about

01:13:11But a brother drive

01:13:13A big ass motherfucking caddy

01:13:14You know what I'm talking about

01:13:15I mean it's like

01:13:16Just big

01:13:17I mean this ain't made

01:13:18For the daily commute right

01:13:19It's big and flashy

01:13:20It's like yo check this shit out

01:13:21Right

01:13:22I mean they just be

01:13:22It's like the fucking joy ride

01:13:24It's the pleasure shit

01:13:25Right

01:13:25They just rolling

01:13:26You know what I'm talking about

01:13:26Cause I mean think about it man

01:13:27I mean nigga don't give a fuck

01:13:29About no ozone

01:13:30Right

01:13:30I mean nigga be blasting holes

01:13:32Up in that motherfucker

01:13:33Yo man

01:13:34What'd you say

01:13:35Oh shit

01:13:37A few days later

01:13:39It was Richard's turn

01:13:39On national television

01:13:40Anyway thank you for your time

01:13:42And I've been Rich Burns

01:13:44Have a good night

01:13:45All right

01:13:46Rich Burns

01:13:47Very funny stuff

01:13:48Ladies and gentlemen

01:13:49Come on over man

01:13:50Very funny stuff

01:13:51All right

01:13:53Good job

01:13:57Very funny

01:13:57Thank you

01:13:58Thanks Mel

01:13:59You know believe it or not

01:14:00I saw a couple years ago

01:14:02At a club in Hollywood

01:14:03I don't remember the name of the club though

01:14:05Oh really

01:14:07Well I guess I must have left

01:14:09A pretty good impression on you then

01:14:11Actually you did

01:14:14Thanks

01:14:14Thanks Mel

01:14:15Yeah I've been working hard

01:14:16Well how long have you been doing comedy

01:14:18Just like three minutes

01:14:22That's okay

01:14:23No I mean

01:14:24In your entire career

01:14:26Oh

01:14:27Like ten years or so

01:14:30Ten years

01:14:31Yeah

01:14:31Wow

01:14:32Well you know what they say

01:14:33There's no such thing as an overnight success

01:14:36So you still enjoy doing the road

01:14:39The traveling

01:14:39The people

01:14:40Or have you gotten sick of it by now

01:14:42Oh no

01:14:43No I love it

01:14:44I love it

01:14:45I do

01:14:45I mean

01:14:45Sure it can be tedious

01:14:47On the road at times

01:14:48But you know

01:14:49I mean I've got the greatest job in the world

01:14:51I get to travel around

01:14:53And make people happy

01:14:55You know

01:14:55I mean

01:14:56What more can I ask for

01:14:58Well you do a fine job at it

01:15:00And please keep it up

01:15:02Thanks Mel

01:15:03Ladies and gentlemen

01:15:04Rich Byrne

01:15:05So there you have it

01:15:08The life of a stand up comic

01:15:10Some may end up on the road for life

01:15:12For some that road leads to mega stardom

01:15:14Others may eventually turn off the road

01:15:17And some may never find the road at all

01:15:19But for those who truly love what they do

01:15:21There is no better life

01:15:23I'm Cheryl Larson

01:15:25And as they say in the clubs

01:15:27Thank you for supporting live comedy

01:15:29Good night

01:15:30I love you

01:15:43I love you

01:15:44I love you

01:15:48It's quite upon the present

01:15:49Thank you

01:15:50They're running round and drinking

01:15:53Staying out all night

01:15:56It's gonna take a lot of thinking

01:15:58Figure that ain't right

01:16:00Oh

01:16:01And I'll never forget it

01:16:03It's like fire

01:16:04You burn me up

01:16:06You burn me up

01:16:07Girl I'll follow the flame

01:16:10Burn me up

01:16:12You're a love I cannot take

01:16:15And I'll never forget it

01:16:17It's like fire

01:16:19You burn me up

01:16:20Woo

01:16:20All my kids keep telling me

01:16:37Be packed out of home

01:16:38Find yourself another

01:16:41Who will build a happy home

01:16:43And I'll have my heart

01:16:45Tell them

01:16:46Get away with that really bad

01:16:48You're a firecracker

01:16:50I'm no mental fact

01:16:53But for all

01:16:54And I'll never forget it

01:16:55Like fire

01:16:57You burn me up

01:16:58You burn me up

01:17:00Girl I'm all the flame

01:17:02Burn me up

01:17:05You're a love I cannot take

01:17:07Oh

01:17:08And I'll never forget it

01:17:09Like fire

01:17:11You burn me up

01:17:12Ray

01:17:14Yes

01:17:15I think we need to get back to Richie

01:17:17This is about Richie

01:17:20I think he's brilliant

01:17:22I think he has a wonderful stage presence

01:17:25And I also think he has a warmth

01:17:28And a charisma that

01:17:29It's just unstoppable

01:17:31God, what would you know

01:17:33About charisma

01:17:35You know, he's not even

01:17:38A handsome man-child

01:17:39He's got the teeth of Thai power

01:17:41And

01:17:42And, well

01:17:43What do you know

01:17:46You have no taste

01:17:47Obviously

01:17:48Look at what I crawl into

01:17:50Next to every night

01:17:51Oh, please

01:17:52I was the one

01:17:53Who took you in

01:17:54I

01:17:55I had a thing

01:17:56For a wounded animal

01:17:58You

01:18:02Well

01:18:02This is coming from a man

01:18:04There's nothing about show business

01:18:05What do you know about show business?

01:18:06Nothing

01:18:07You know nothing

01:18:07About show business

01:18:08But La Caja Full was a documentary

01:18:10You

01:18:11You

01:18:12You

01:18:12God damn

01:18:13Festering old

01:18:14Snatch

01:18:15Well

01:18:16God damn

01:18:16Well

01:18:18To you

01:18:18Stop here, camera

01:18:20I'm

01:18:21I'm finished

01:18:22Over

01:18:24Over

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