- 6/6/2025
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LearningTranscript
00:00So when we enter a college, being a student, there is an open environment in the college
00:11where we can freely mingle with the people of opposite gender.
00:17Now when one is away from the family and they are yearning for some intimacy, it is quite
00:27common in our generation that people engage in casual physical intimacy.
00:35So is it, according to you, is it right?
00:40Is premarital sex or this casual physical relations right or not?
00:49The question is based on a few assumptions, Chetna.
00:56You have asked about premarital sex.
01:02If the centre of the question is marital, then why not begin with post-marital sex?
01:15That is something that you have taken as granted.
01:21Do you see the assumption implicit in your question?
01:27You are saying post-marital is okay so I don't even need to question that.
01:33I am questioning only premarital.
01:37Let's begin with post-marital rather.
01:39So you are asking me is premarital sex okay?
01:43I am asking you is post-marital sex okay?
01:45Okay?
01:46Please tell me.
01:47What?
01:48What?
01:49What?
01:50What?
01:51Depends.
01:52Depends.
01:53That's answer.
01:54Depends.
01:55Depends.
01:56Depends.
01:57Depends.
01:58Is post-marital sex okay?
01:59Depends on the people who are engaging in.
02:05The same thing applies to premarital also.
02:12Even in post-marital sex there can be a lot of violence, a lot of exploitation.
02:18You know of that right?
02:21Even the law admits that now.
02:25That the wife indeed can approach for a legal redressal.
02:29There can be marital rape.
02:36Just as there can be the worst kind of sexual encounter after marriage, equally there can
02:45be a very bad kind of sexual encounter before marriage.
02:50Does not matter.
02:52The marital world does not matter.
02:55What matters is the quality of the encounter.
02:58What is the mind like?
03:03What is the quality of the union of these two people?
03:11And if two people are not meeting in actual love, then it doesn't matter.
03:25It doesn't matter whether the thing is post-marital or premarital.
03:29It is simply just abominable.
03:36So do not approve the cultural prejudices to easily chetana.
03:46In India we have boys and girls who preserve their chastity and then literally hand it over
04:00to a stranger.
04:01Post-marriage.
04:02Equally we have boys and girls who just go for casual flings while at college.
04:16And they just bring each other down in all this.
04:22Don't you see all that happening in not only in the metro cities now, it's happening everywhere.
04:30And it doesn't happen, it doesn't even wait for the college days to come.
04:38It now begins in class 8th, class 6th.
04:42The Nibba Nibbi affair as you call it these days.
04:46So a class 6 girl would say with that one, that he's my boy.
04:53And the boy belongs to class 7.
04:55The boy says that's my girl.
04:58And together these two are even trying to have some kind of physical thing.
05:02That's just an abuse of the body, is that not?
05:10You do not know who you are.
05:11You do not know what life is.
05:13You do not know what relationship means.
05:16You do not know what to relate to the other for.
05:21And you are just trying to emulate something you saw on the screen.
05:26Something that the adults were doing and you want to copy that.
05:31All that is so nonsensical.
05:35Equally what is happening after the marriage is just so life degrading.
05:43It's just that what happens after marriage is approved by law and religion and society.
05:52So we don't want to talk about that.
05:55We say it is legal.
05:57We even say it is sacred because it is sanctioned by religion.
06:03The priests or the Malvis or the… they were present when the ceremony took place.
06:14So now even if they have the worst quality of physical encounters as husband and wife,
06:20all that is okay.
06:21That is possible.
06:26You know, even the government resists a lot.
06:36When the court says that marital rape has to be taken as a crime.
06:41The government says if you turn that into a law then the family system will collapse.
06:49They do not know what they are admitting.
06:52Otherwise why will the family system be threatened if you make marital rape a punishable crime?
07:03But they are saying no, no, no.
07:06Don't turn marital rape into a legal crime.
07:10Otherwise the family system will collapse.
07:14Look at what that implies.
07:17Families are built on…
07:22It's not even about the family system.
07:24It's about the quality of individuals.
07:27We are not raising conscious individuals.
07:31An unconscious man, an unconscious woman, they reach the age of 25 or 30 or sometimes just
07:3918 or 20.
07:42And they get into that nuptial arrangement.
07:49The sacred woes and the ceremonies.
07:54And they are declared husband and wife.
07:57What is this?
07:58An exercise in unconsciousness.
08:01Nobody knows really what is going on.
08:04Since everybody does that, since it has been traditionally happening, so we too will do this.
08:09And after that we will have sex.
08:12What will be the quality of that union?
08:18So it's not about whether the whole thing is happening before or after marriage.
08:24The question is, what is the level of consciousness of these two people?
08:29We want an awakened society.
08:32We want a spiritually literate society.
08:38And then you will not need to tell the man and the woman what to do in life.
08:46They will know the decisions to make.
08:48They will know the partner to choose.
08:50They will know what the body means.
08:52They will understand where lust comes from.
08:57They will know the purpose of life.
09:00They will also know the meaning of attachment.
09:06Then they will know what to avoid.
09:07They will also know what to get into.
09:13So we have to educate our youngsters, not regulate them.
09:38You need to mentor them, not police them.
09:46Guiding someone is one thing.
09:51Throwing light on someone's path is one thing.
10:00And dictating somebody's life and path is something totally different, right?
10:09Throw light on their way.
10:12And give light to their eyes.
10:18And the rest, they will decide on their own.
10:25And they have to.
10:26Otherwise it's a disgrace if you have to handhold a young man or a young woman.
10:40To be young is to no more be a kid, right?
10:44So maturity is the hallmark of youth.
10:50If a young person is not mature enough to make the basic decisions in life, then the
10:57society is answerable.
11:01What kind of youth has the society raised?
11:04What was the quality of education?
11:08What kind of influence did the environment have on the consciousness of that young person?
11:24So enable them, empower them.
11:34Not condition them, not dictate them, liberate, not dictate.
11:47And liberation is the best help, the best service and the foremost indicator of love.
11:58If you love someone, give them wings, give them light, give them wings, give them self-knowledge,
12:09and then they will fly on their own.
12:21All this is not sounding convincing, is it?
12:24It is.
12:25So you said two things.
12:29In the previous question, you said that body identification is the root cause of most of
12:36the evils in the world and in myself as well.
12:43And body identification is strengthened by identifying myself as the gender.
12:52So I want to understand this a bit more.
13:03Where does sex come from?
13:05From birth, right?
13:06When the kid takes birth, you immediately mark M or F. So you get it from there.
13:15It's in the body.
13:16And then the gender role that you are provided, that comes from the sex.
13:23If you are a girl, you will have pink toys.
13:31Even the paint on the walls of baby girl rooms, that's pink.
13:41So that's how your gender identity develops.
13:44Pink fans and dolls and soft toys to play with.
13:54No guns, no tanks.
14:00We know of these stereotypes, right?
14:05Boys get police cars to play with.
14:12Girls get dolls and frocks to play with.
14:19So that's how this thing develops and the basis is the sex that you are born with at the time
14:28of birth.
14:30It's a sticky thing that carries on from there.
14:42The very language is so sex centric, is it not?
14:48You don't address a person just as a person.
14:50You say he, she, aya, I.
14:59As if the person is nothing, sans the gender.
15:08You don't want to conceal the gender in any way.
15:10You don't want to think of the person as consciousness.
15:13You are constantly thinking of that person as the body.
15:17So if the body is female, the person will be addressed in one way.
15:21If the body is male, the person is addressed in some other way.
15:24Can you imagine the kind of effect it will be having on the mind?
15:30Then language is built in a way that is constantly turning you body centric.
15:39You are just sitting reading a book.
15:41And when you are immersed in a book, you are no more a girl.
15:46You are just pure consciousness engaging with the author.
15:51Engaging with knowledge.
15:52Right?
15:53You are sitting immersed in a girl.
15:58And someone comes and says, what are you reading?
16:02What have you been reminded of?
16:05What have you been reminded of?
16:06You have been reminded of your gender.
16:09See what language has done.
16:11It has turned you into a woman.
16:13You were the consciousness and you have been made a body.
16:20So that's the principle battle you have to fight in life.
16:29To identify first of all with consciousness rather than the body.
16:36The body is just a fact.
16:39The body is not your reality.
16:41And the body is not at all your destination.
16:45The body is something that biology, prakrati has given you.
16:50It's an irreversible fact.
16:52I am born a woman.
16:54But that's something I start out with.
17:00That's not something I want to end at.
17:06The body can at most be my beginning point.
17:10It cannot be my destination.
17:12And I cannot decide my beginning point.
17:14You do not decide your chromosomes.
17:16You are born a woman.
17:18You had no say in that.
17:19That's okay.
17:21But you have all the say over what you want to be in life.
17:31And what you want to be is something very gender neutral.
17:37You have to be liberated in life.
17:41And liberation has no gender.
17:44Liberation is when you transcend your gender.
17:50Right?
17:51Truth has no gender.
17:57The sky has no gender.
18:01Freedom has no gender.
18:03That's where you have to reach.
18:06So you begin as a woman.
18:09But you have to reach the sky.
18:11You have to transcend your gender.
18:15That's the purpose of life.
18:26Incidentally, you know,
18:34the word beauty comes to my mind.
18:38You know who is the most beautiful woman?
18:42A woman who has transcended her woman-ness.
18:48A woman who lives by her feminine traits,
18:53her hormones and the rest of it and the social conditioning,
18:58just cannot be beautiful.
19:02At most, she can be physically attractive.
19:07But a truly beautiful woman is someone who has transcended
19:12the sex and the gender identity.
19:15That's when you have beauty.
19:16The same applies to men as well.
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