- 3.6.2025
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00:00Let's see, Lorraine.
00:15What do the spirits have in store for you today?
00:19What? I'm seeing something.
00:21Is it a man?
00:22Well, I'll be darned.
00:23It is.
00:24Oh.
00:27Do you know a...
00:29Bill?
00:30No.
00:31How about a Bob?
00:32No.
00:33Jack?
00:33No.
00:34Mike?
00:34No.
00:35You don't know anybody named Mike?
00:36No.
00:40Girl, you gotta get out of the house more.
00:43Lucky for you, I'm running a special on love motions this week.
00:47Oh.
00:48Now, for only $99.95, you can get my special deluxe love kit guaranteed to give you a lifetime
00:55of matrimonial bliss with a man of your dreams.
00:58Oh, I'll take it.
00:59Oh, smart girl.
01:02And, uh, wouldn't it be worth an extra 20 bucks for him to be faithful?
01:08Definitely.
01:08Definitely.
01:08Now, what you do, Miss Wiesner, is you drink this little bottle of love potion, then you
01:16get naked, and you dance around this little red candle like crazy until you work up a real
01:21good sweat.
01:22You're not a pretty picture.
01:30Oh, Renfield, don't be so catty.
01:32What?
01:33Oh, I was just talking to the cat.
01:35Oh.
01:35Um, anyway, you do this every night until Mr. Right windsurps into your life.
01:42Oh, Elvira, how can I ever thank you?
01:45Next time, bring cash.
01:53Hello?
01:55Hello?
01:57I'm back.
02:00Come in.
02:01Careful of the step.
02:09Minerva?
02:10What the heck are you doing with that shopping cart?
02:12Oh, don't worry, dear.
02:14I'll send it right back to the store.
02:17Minerva, what if I always told you about exposing yourself?
02:20Oh, dear.
02:21Did I tuck my skirt into my pantyhose again?
02:27No.
02:27I mean exposing your witchcraft.
02:29Oh.
02:30Come on.
02:31You know the rules.
02:32As long as you don't do it in public, you can do it as much as you like.
02:35Or until you need glasses.
02:38Oops.
02:39Too late.
02:40You shut up, you furballer.
02:42I'll have you neutered again.
02:46Oh, Elvira, I hate living in the closet.
02:50Look, I don't like it any better than you do.
02:53But I'm sick and tired of pulling up steaks just to keep from getting burned at one.
02:59Besides, I like living here in Manhattan.
03:02Oh, yes.
03:04Glamorous Manhattan.
03:06When you told me we were moving to Manhattan, I thought,
03:09Broadway, Times Square.
03:11But no.
03:12You meant Manhattan, Kansas.
03:15The little apple.
03:17The city that always sleeps.
03:20The main thing is that nobody's caught on to the fact that we're witches,
03:23and I'd like to keep it that way.
03:24Okay?
03:28Well, it's not as if we were Siegfried and Roy.
03:33I mean, we can only do a few harmless parlor tricks,
03:36moving shopping carts, fixing parking meters, switching price codes.
03:40You can switch price codes?
03:41Of course.
03:42Look, I got this family-sized jar of chunky peanut butter for only 25 cents.
03:49Did you get my shaving cream?
03:51I knew I forgot something.
03:53Oh, great.
03:54I'll just spread this on my legs and let the rats chew off the hairs.
03:58Now, can you please take this shopping cart back to the store?
04:03Well, can't I at least ride in it, Minerva?
04:07I'll push it.
04:08I'll push it.
04:10Oh, Minnie.
04:12Bring back some kitty litter, or you'll be sorry.
04:14Sorry.
04:18This machine does everything.
04:20Dried fruits, jalapenos, bridge mix, and pressed meats.
04:23But this five...
04:24Look at that, Renfield.
04:25A five-tray electric food dehydrator.
04:27Imagine, we could make hundreds of pounds of beef jerkin'.
04:32Stop, I'm grueling.
04:36Switch it back to Sharon, the fat lady.
04:42Get the door!
04:46I'm coming, I'm coming.
04:48Hold your horseshoes.
04:52Hey there, pretty lady.
04:54Renfield.
04:55Did we order a hunky stud muffin from the home shopping club?
05:01Who is that?
05:05Excuse me, but which one of you is a psychic?
05:07I am.
05:09I have to excuse my aunt.
05:11She's getting senile.
05:12I was going to put her in one of those homes,
05:14but you know how they mistreat the elderly.
05:17Okay, you can have him.
05:20I had the insurance salesman.
05:21So, you must be Elvira.
05:29No, I must be dreaming.
05:35And you are?
05:38Chip.
05:38Chip Taylor.
05:40Oh, Chip as in potato.
05:45Bet I can't eat just one.
05:47Walk this way.
06:01Dr. Dini, sailor.
06:08Hmm, let's see.
06:09Oh, Chip.
06:12I see big things in your future.
06:19Really?
06:21Yes.
06:22Would you like to see more?
06:25Yes, ma'am.
06:28But, but actually, uh,
06:29what I really came here for was, uh,
06:32friends of mine told me that you sell love potions,
06:34and, uh, I'd like to buy one.
06:36How much is it?
06:37I don't know.
06:39How about if I just
06:40lip-wrestle you for it?
06:47Minerva, I've got the door!
06:52Hold that thought, Chip.
06:54Right between your knees.
07:02Oh, put me down for two boxes of chocolate mint
07:05and one vanilla cream.
07:06Thanks!
07:12I thought you didn't have to pay
07:13till you got the cookies.
07:15Myra,
07:16I can see that you're busy, uh...
07:18Busy?
07:19Whatever gave you that idea?
07:23I'm completely free!
07:24At least for the first three minutes.
07:28Uh,
07:28how about if I just come back tonight?
07:31Oh, tonight.
07:33Groovy.
07:34Yeah, I'll come back tonight,
07:35and I'll give you my happy hour special.
07:38Two.
07:39For the prize I want.
07:44Are you still here?
07:46What do you want?
07:47My name is Paige Grayson.
07:49Yeah, so?
07:51I'm your niece.
07:53On my knees?
07:54I ain't getting on my knees for no Girl Scout.
07:56No, no, no.
08:00I'm your niece.
08:02On Elvira!
08:04Minerva!
08:11Minerva!
08:12Oh, I'll have one chocolate mint
08:14and two golden nut clusters.
08:18Minerva,
08:19this young lady in the clunky shoes
08:20seems to think she's related to us.
08:23You must be Paige.
08:25Oh, darling.
08:26I'm your great-aunt Minerva.
08:28Oh!
08:30Let me look at you.
08:32Oh, my, how you've grown.
08:35But you've never seen me before.
08:38Well, I'm assuming
08:39you used to be much smaller, didn't you?
08:43Wait a sec.
08:44Wait a sec.
08:45Who is she?
08:46She's Elvin's child.
08:49But my brother never told me
08:50he had any kids.
08:51He didn't know it himself.
08:54He died before she was born.
08:57Her mother disappeared a few years ago
08:59in a mysterious boating accident
09:00in the Bermuda Triangle.
09:03Poor dear Paige.
09:05She was raised by nuns
09:06on a remote island
09:07off the coast of Maine.
09:12Now she's come to stay with us.
09:15Well, that just explains everything.
09:16It wasn't until I turned 18
09:21that the sisters warned, uh,
09:24told me about you.
09:27This is the first time
09:28I've ever been away
09:29from boarding school.
09:31Oh, so that's a uniform.
09:34Oh, thank God.
09:35I thought you just had
09:35really bad taste.
09:36The sisters taught us
09:41not to dress in a way
09:42that could tempt men to sin.
09:44Well, let that be a lesson
09:45to you, dear.
09:47Never take fashion tips
09:48from a nun.
09:54Mother Superior
09:55would never approve
09:56of that outfit.
09:59Hey,
09:59opportunity only gives you
10:01knockers once.
10:01Oh, Paige, darling,
10:07come.
10:07Sit down
10:08and tell us
10:09all about yourself.
10:11Yes,
10:11what do you like to do
10:12for fun?
10:14Well,
10:15I like to clean.
10:19Well,
10:20then this place
10:20ought to be
10:20one big non-stop party
10:22for you, girl.
10:24I hope so.
10:25I've always dreamed
10:26of having a happy,
10:28normal family life.
10:30Sunday drives,
10:32playing Scrabble
10:32by the fire,
10:34setting up a lemonade
10:35stand in the front yard.
10:37Oh,
10:37and you can be
10:38June Cleaver
10:39and Minerva can be Ward
10:40and I'll be the beaver.
10:48Oh,
10:49Minerva,
10:49she's way too straight
10:50to be one of us.
10:51You're right.
10:52Sometimes the gift
10:53can skip a generation.
10:55We'd better find out.
10:56Okay,
10:56but remember,
10:57be subtle.
10:59Subtle
10:59is my middle name.
11:01So,
11:04Paige,
11:04when did you
11:04consummate your union
11:05with the incubus?
11:09Minerva said
11:10she always gets constipated
11:12when she rides the bus.
11:16Minerva,
11:16remind me to make you
11:17that appointment
11:18with Dr. Kevorkian.
11:23So,
11:23Paige,
11:24you know,
11:24my brother
11:25was quite gifted.
11:27Surely,
11:28you must have inherited
11:29some of his
11:29talents.
11:32Yes,
11:33I did.
11:36I can speak Latin
11:37and play the accordion.
11:40Where?
11:40Our Lady of Perpetual Polka?
11:42Uh,
11:44listen,
11:44Paige,
11:44why don't you
11:45just run on upstairs
11:46and take a nice,
11:47long,
11:48hot bath?
11:49All right.
11:50Uh,
11:51if she floats,
11:52she's a witch.
11:53If she drowns,
11:55our troubles are over.
12:00Officer Taylor
12:01is here to see you.
12:03Show him in.
12:06Officer Taylor reporting.
12:07Thank you,
12:09Maxine.
12:09That will be all.
12:11Uh-huh.
12:17Hey there,
12:18pretty lady.
12:18Don't you
12:19pretty lady me.
12:21Ooh,
12:22chip.
12:23As in potato?
12:25But I can't eat
12:25just one.
12:28Well,
12:28I guess I don't have
12:29to ask if the wire worked.
12:30Officer Taylor,
12:31in case you forgot,
12:32your assignment
12:33was to nail her.
12:34Believe me,
12:38there is nothing
12:38I'd rather do.
12:41Chia,
12:42I don't want you
12:42going back in there
12:43alone.
12:45That love potion
12:46she sold
12:46Lori and Wiesner
12:47put her in the hospital.
12:49What if she drugs you
12:50and
12:50takes advantage
12:52of you?
12:55Yeah.
12:56I mean,
12:57that.
12:58Yeah,
12:58that would be terrible.
13:00You just remember,
13:01Chippy.
13:02I'm gonna be listening
13:03to everything
13:03that goes on tonight.
13:05And if you're not
13:06out of there
13:07by 10 o'clock,
13:08I'm sending
13:09in the SWAT team.
13:16Come on,
13:16carpet.
13:17Say-ya.
13:17Oh.
13:26Oh,
13:27going somewhere,
13:28dear?
13:28Oh.
13:33It's very funny.
13:35I've got a date
13:36with Chip tonight
13:36and I plan
13:37on getting rug burns
13:38on every square inch
13:39of my body.
13:42Okay.
13:43I finished
13:44cleaning the oven,
13:45but I'm still waiting
13:46for the freezer
13:46to defrost.
13:48Oh,
13:48you can finish that
13:49later,
13:50Cinderella.
13:50Right now,
13:51you and Aunt Minerva
13:53are going out
13:53to have some fun.
13:55So just run on upstairs
13:56and change clothes.
13:57I did.
14:02Oh,
14:02yeah,
14:03the rubber gloves
14:04are a nice touch.
14:06Let's see.
14:08There must be
14:08lots of fun things
14:09for you guys
14:09to do in this town.
14:11Look,
14:12the future farmers
14:13of the Flatlands
14:14are having a cakewalk
14:15and corn shucking contest.
14:17That sounds like fun.
14:19Well,
14:20actually,
14:20I'm rather tired.
14:22Why don't you go
14:23shuck yourself,
14:24dear?
14:24Minerva.
14:30Okay,
14:31okay.
14:32Come,
14:32child.
14:33We are going
14:33to paint the town
14:34gray.
14:36And Minerva
14:36takes me
14:38on the adjective
14:39in front of age pay.
14:41Yeah,
14:42gray.
14:54Andrei.
15:16Hi.
15:17Oh,
15:18Chip,
15:19I wasn't expecting
15:20you so soon.
15:21And look at me.
15:22I'm a mess.
15:23I think you look
15:26pretty cute.
15:28Oh,
15:28bet you say
15:29that to all the ghouls.
15:32Sit down
15:33and make yourself
15:34comfortable.
15:36Oops.
15:39Can I get you
15:40a
15:41beverage?
15:43Oh,
15:44you mean a drink?
15:45Oh,
15:45sure.
15:46Well,
15:47how about that
15:47love potion?
15:48Oh,
15:49Chip,
15:49chip,
15:50chip,
15:50chip,
15:50chip,
15:50chip,
15:50chip.
15:51Why?
15:52Why would a
15:53handsome stud
15:54like you
15:54need a love potion?
15:56Well,
15:57sometimes I have,
15:58uh,
15:59you know,
15:59a problem.
16:01Oh,
16:02problem.
16:04Oh,
16:05that kind
16:05of problem.
16:07Oh,
16:07well,
16:08I think we could
16:08fix that
16:09with a little
16:09physical therapy.
16:13That would be
16:14great,
16:14but,
16:15uh,
16:15how about
16:16the love potion
16:16first?
16:16Well,
16:18okay,
16:19I'll get the
16:20potion.
16:21Then you
16:21get the
16:22notion.
16:23Ow!
16:33I wonder if this
16:34is gonna be
16:34strong enough.
16:35I don't know
16:36how big
16:37his problem is.
16:41I know.
16:41I'll just
16:45add a little
16:45extra starch.
16:51Here we are.
16:52A nice
16:53big drink.
16:58Thanks,
16:58Elvira.
16:59What do I owe you?
17:00Oh,
17:01it's on me.
17:03And after you
17:03drink it,
17:04you will be,
17:05too.
17:05Oh,
17:05I'm afraid I'm
17:09gonna have to
17:09take it to go.
17:10you see,
17:10uh,
17:11I have a date.
17:12A date?
17:13Uh,
17:13Chip,
17:14no,
17:14uh,
17:15let me see
17:15your hand.
17:16Oh,
17:17oh,
17:17no,
17:17Chip,
17:17she's all
17:18wrong for you.
17:18I mean,
17:18she's all,
17:19she's all sweaty
17:20and wrinkled
17:21and calloused.
17:23Take my advice.
17:25Drop her.
17:26Drop her like
17:26a hot potato,
17:27Chip.
17:32You're making
17:33it awful hard
17:33on me,
17:34but I've
17:37really gotta go.
17:38Uh,
17:39have the potion
17:39back,
17:40please?
17:40No.
17:41Why should I,
17:42you two-timer?
17:43Give me that.
17:43No.
17:44Give me that.
17:44No.
17:45Give me that.
17:45Ah!
17:48Ah!
17:54Chip!
17:55Chip,
17:55are you okay?
17:56Chip!
17:59Gosh,
17:59he's hard
18:00as a rock.
18:02Well,
18:03wasn't that
18:03the whole point?
18:06Wait a minute,
18:07what's this?
18:07Timber!
18:13Oh,
18:14my God,
18:15Zilla,
18:15he's a policeman.
18:17What am I gonna do
18:17with a big,
18:18stiff cop?
18:20I beg your pardon?
18:23Oh,
18:24oh,
18:24my God,
18:24they're back.
18:25I can't let
18:26Paige see
18:26a ship like this.
18:27Oh,
18:27oh,
18:28oh,
18:28oh,
18:29oh,
18:29oh,
18:29oh,
18:30oh,
18:30oh,
18:30oh,
18:31oh,
18:31oh,
18:31oh,
18:32oh,
18:32oh,
18:33oh,
18:33oh,
18:34oh,
18:34oh,
18:35oh,
18:35oh,
18:36oh,
18:36hi.
18:39Hi,
18:40you're back early.
18:41They ran out of cakes.
18:42Aunt Minerva won them all.
18:44It was incredible.
18:46Just beginner's luck.
18:48There's more in the car.
18:49Minerva,
18:50look at this.
18:52It's Chip.
18:53My love potion
18:54turned him stiff
18:55as a board.
18:56Well,
18:56wasn't that
18:57the whole point?
18:59He's an undercover cop.
19:02Oh,
19:02my goodness,
19:03you could get the chair
19:04for turning him
19:05into a table.
19:05You gotta do something
19:07to loosen him up.
19:09Well,
19:09um,
19:10how about a martini
19:11and a massage?
19:13Well,
19:14maybe later,
19:14but I know
19:15I think we ought
19:15to do something
19:16about Shep.
19:18Wait a minute.
19:19Let me see.
19:21Reverse
19:22the spell
19:23from this lovely
19:24madam.
19:25I command
19:26thee now
19:27up
19:28and at him.
19:30It's working.
19:31It's working.
19:33Uh-oh.
19:34I think
19:34I put
19:34too much
19:35up
19:35in his
19:35atom.
19:37Boy,
19:38I know
19:38the refrigerator's
19:39finished
19:39and frosty
19:40so I'll have
19:40some place
19:40to put these.
19:44Uh,
19:45what are you doing?
19:47Oh,
19:47just a little
19:48redecorating.
19:49Really?
19:50here,
19:51Aunt Minerva.
19:52Devil's food.
19:53My favorite.
19:58How do you
19:58explain this?
20:01Oh,
20:01Paige,
20:02you know how
20:02I like
20:03to pick up men?
20:06I don't want
20:07to believe it,
20:07but it's true.
20:09Both of you,
20:09you're witches.
20:11Witches?
20:12Us?
20:12It's no use.
20:23She's on to us.
20:25Okay,
20:25what are you
20:25going to do?
20:26Turn us in?
20:27No,
20:28I just don't
20:29want any part
20:29of this.
20:30I'm leaving.
20:32Well,
20:32break out
20:33the champagne
20:33and little friskies.
20:35That's enough
20:35out of you,
20:36you nasty
20:36old cat.
20:38Paige,
20:39you heard
20:40Renfield talk?
20:41Yes.
20:42So?
20:43Only a witch
20:44can hear
20:44animals' thoughts.
20:46Paige,
20:47you're one of us.
20:49No,
20:50no,
20:50I'm not like you.
20:51I want to be normal
20:52like everybody else.
20:53I hate being different.
20:55But what's wrong
20:56with being different?
20:58Look where
20:58it's gotten me.
21:01You know,
21:02what I meant
21:02to say is
21:03you're the only
21:04you you have
21:05and if you're
21:06not going to be you,
21:07well,
21:08who is going
21:09to be you?
21:11Who?
21:12I don't know.
21:13I was just
21:14trying to make
21:14you feel better.
21:17I wouldn't be
21:18trying if I
21:18didn't really care.
21:19And we do,
21:20dear.
21:21Very,
21:22very much.
21:25Attention,
21:26this is
21:26District Attorney
21:27Lindsay Olsen-Royver.
21:31It's the cops!
21:32I'm out of here.
21:33Ciao.
21:34Come out of here!
21:36If Officer
21:36District Taylor
21:37does not come out
21:38in one minute,
21:39we're coming in
21:39after him!
21:42Come and get me,
21:44you dirty coppers!
21:46Minerva,
21:47what is the matter
21:47with you?
21:48Nothing.
21:49I just always
21:50wanted to say that.
21:53You see what I mean?
21:55Using witchcraft
21:56causes nothing
21:56but trouble.
21:58Minerva,
21:59take Paige
21:59and sneak out
22:00the secret tunnel.
22:01I'm turning
22:02myself in.
22:04Into what?
22:06Already there!
22:07Just remember,
22:08Paige,
22:09I'm not just
22:10doing this for you,
22:11but for our kind
22:12everywhere.
22:13And all the other
22:15freaks and misfits
22:16who dare to be
22:17different.
22:18Because if I have
22:19to live in a world
22:20where everybody
22:21is forced to be
22:21the same,
22:23well, they may as well
22:24just lock me away
22:25because I'll already
22:27be living
22:28in prison.
22:31It's just you and me
22:34and maybe
22:35if the music is right
22:38I'll meet you tomorrow
22:39so late at night
22:41and we'll go
22:42and dance and baby
22:43then you'll see
22:44how the magic's
22:46in the music
22:46and the music's
22:47in me, yeah.
22:50Do you believe
22:51in magic?
22:54Yeah.
22:55Believe in the magic
22:57of the younger soul.
22:59Believe in the magic
23:00that can set you free.
23:06Oh,
23:07talk about the magic
23:10Do you believe
23:12in magic?
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