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  • 6/2/2025
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Category

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Fun
Transcript
00:00Transcribed by ESO, translated by —
00:30Transcribed by ESO, translated by —
01:00Transcribed by —
01:30— I hear he's pretty good here, especially for Wagner. — Daddy! Daddy! — Poppy!
01:33I've had the most delicious idea, so I thought we should do a joint visit to the R&C. It's one of my favourite charities. It's so wonderful!
01:40Your Majesty!
01:46Ma'am, I am sorry. I was hoping to borrow the Prince of Wales.
01:48Ma'am, I am sorry. I was hoping to borrow the Prince of Wales.
01:54Four hours of Wagner, Abigail.
01:55Yes, ma'am. And while I can appreciate the lure, I have just received a call from Sister Assumpter at the Innocence Housing Project.
02:02Oh, yeah.
02:03We were trying to find a convenient time for the Prince to visit the homeless shelter without attracting any press attention, and she felt that tonight was the perfect opportunity.
02:11Sister Assumpter?
02:12Yes, ma'am. She was really pinning her hopes on the Prince of Wales' appearance.
02:17Yes.
02:18And Prince George, as well, ma'am. It is a very worthy charity, ma'am.
02:23Yeah.
02:27I'll break it to the King.
02:29Thank you, ma'am.
02:30Is there a problem?
02:31Well, darling, it seems it's not such a...
02:36Sister Assumpter, complete bloody genius.
02:40I knew you should get us out of it. You're a star.
02:43Yes, ma'am.
02:44Well, don't give us the look. It's opera. It's a fat bird singing the same line over and over.
02:50I've arranged for a change of clothes to be in the car. I assume you're going to the club afterwards.
02:54Yeah, it's gonna be massive. Well, hang on. Does that mean we actually have to go to the shelter?
02:58Yes, sir. You have to be a prince for a whole half hour.
03:01Look, get in.
03:04You're not cross with me, really.
03:06Not at all, sir. Helping you shirk your responsibilities is what I was born to do.
03:11Hm.
03:14No problem.
03:19Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
03:22Sod this for a game of billiard.
03:24Let's move on to...
03:25Yeah, yeah.
03:26Tequila!
03:27Tequila!
03:28I'm going for a slash. You sort it out.
03:30So, who fends the late night tour of the palace?
03:33Hello? Hello? No, no, sorry. I can't hear you.
03:43All right, sorry about that. Go on.
03:46Yes, sir.
03:48Yes. Yes, I understand.
03:52You okay, Peter?
03:53You need to come with me, sir.
03:54Why?
03:55I'll explain in the car.
03:56No, tell me.
03:57Who was that?
03:58That was the deputy assistant commissioner.
04:01So what?
04:02Well, it's Tower Bridge.
04:03I'm very, very sorry.
04:17Your Majesty.
04:25Get everyone out of here.
04:27He's at the back door.
04:29Come on, everybody.
04:30Move!
04:31Out of the way, please.
04:32Out of the way, please.
04:33Out of the way.
04:34Let's go!
04:36The King!
04:37Time of death.
04:3822.33.
04:40Hang on, George.
04:41Where's two of them travel separately?
04:43Let's go.
04:44Ah!
04:45Ah!
04:46Ah!
04:47Ah!
04:49Ah!
04:50Ah!
04:51Ah!
04:52Ah!
04:53Ah!
04:54Ah!
04:55Ah!
04:56Ah!
04:57Ah!
04:58Ah!
04:59Ah!
05:00Ah!
05:01Ah!
05:02Ah!
05:03Ah!
06:04Sir.
06:10Sir.
06:14Your Majesty.
06:25Ian, is it?
06:26Yes, I'm very sorry.
06:29Majesty.
06:31The, um, Prime Minister is on his way to offer his support and pledge his fidelity.
06:37Torture the controller and the Lord Chamberlain and arrangements for the funeral are underway.
06:42We'll have your father's body brought here tonight and then move to St. James.
06:46Books of condolence will be set up on the Mall, Kensington, Victoria.
06:49Okay, where's my mother?
06:50The Queen's on her way.
06:51All of your family should be here within the hour, sir.
06:52Your Majesty.
06:54Look, can you get me a Red Bull or just a Coke or something?
06:56Right away, sir.
06:57From tomorrow, you'll receive ambassadors and high commissioners from the Commonwealth.
07:01There are also calls.
07:02The President of the United States has run.
07:04Oh, God, I don't, I don't want...
07:05It's okay.
07:05You don't have to speak to any of them tonight.
07:07Any of them?
07:08Who?
07:08Well, the usual.
07:09His Holiness the Pope, the Archbishop of Canterbury, of course.
07:12The President of the French Republic.
07:13All right, I just need a slash.
07:35Right.
07:36What's next?
07:43The Prime Minister.
07:59Your Majesty, I am so sorry.
08:02Your father was a great man.
08:03Yeah, he was something else.
08:05He used to always...
08:07Prime Minister, you ready?
08:29Do you swear to be faithful and bear true allegiance to His Majesty the King,
08:33His heirs and successors, according to law, so help you well?
08:36You all right?
08:41Just about.
08:43He seems okay.
08:44Yeah.
08:45He'll be, er...
08:46Yeah.
08:48So, who's just become the King's page of the back stairs then, eh?
08:51I don't know.
08:52But I have a sneaking feeling he's now talking to the King's valet.
08:57Very sad.
08:58Awful.
08:59Just awful.
09:06Hey, um, Johnny, right?
09:16Jimmy, sir.
09:17Yeah.
09:17I think we could, er, all do with a drink.
09:20Of course, sir.
09:20Make sure there's stiff ones.
09:21Oh, yeah.
09:22Well, the nation mourns the royal family gets blasted.
09:24Brilliant.
09:25Treble for her.
09:26As much as you can get in the glass and go easy on the tonic.
09:29Are you sure you don't want a bit of puff, George?
09:30Maybe something a bit stronger?
09:31Now, now.
09:32Poppy.
09:32Don't call me that.
09:33Daddy called you Poppy.
09:34Exactly.
09:35James.
09:36Yes, ma'am.
09:37Lime, not lemon.
09:38Yes, ma'am.
09:38I'm sorry.
09:39Are we going to talk about this at all?
09:41Am I the only one that's a little bit worried?
09:44Rich?
09:45King?
09:46Actually, I'd prefer a white wine, something dry.
09:48Mummy, for God's sake.
09:51I'm sorry.
09:51I love my brother.
09:52Yeah.
09:53I love my brother.
09:54But surely we're all just a little bit worried about this, are we not?
09:58I mean, rich opening Parliament.
10:00Rich visiting Australia.
10:02Well, we'll have to look after him.
10:06Yes, darling.
10:07And you'll have to get used to a little less time in the spotlight.
10:11Excuse me.
10:12James, why are you still here?
10:16Now, let's see if we can all remember how to behave, shall we?
10:20I want some olives.
10:22I want some bloody olives.
10:24And no one ever asked me what I think about anything.
10:35No, no.
10:43Well, my darling boy, it's all yours, no?
10:46No.
10:50It'll be enough.
10:57How long have you been queuing?
10:58Eight hours.
10:58Eight hours.
11:00And you've been all the way from Dari.
11:01We did, yes.
11:02Well, I'm sure my father would have been deeply talented.
11:04You should be the queen.
11:05I'm sorry?
11:06You should be queen.
11:07Me?
11:07Queen?
11:08Yes, ma'am.
11:08Oh, I'm sure my brother will make a wonderful king.
11:11But you're the oldest, the best one.
11:12That's very kind of you to say so.
11:21Thank you very much.
11:24Wasn't expecting you.
11:25You don't have to do this.
11:26I can do this alone.
11:27No, Ian's right.
11:28I should.
11:30You talk to mummy.
11:31She seems weird.
11:32Not out here.
11:33Even if Mike doesn't pick us up, they'll have lit readers on us.
11:35Yes, of course.
11:37Look, I'll do all this.
11:38You can get out of here.
11:39No, I don't mind.
11:41I've quite enjoyed it.
11:41No, no, go on.
11:43Have a break.
11:48Thank you very much.
11:51Thank you for coming.
11:52Thank you very much.
11:58Nice hat.
12:09I've tried to get you an appointment with your brother.
12:14His Majesty's page is getting back to me.
12:19He's going to help himself to your favorite charities.
12:21He's going to pull rank, shove you aside.
12:23And he's never shown any interest in any of this.
12:27I'm sorry, ma'am.
12:28I'm out of line.
12:29Oh, no.
12:30You're frustrated.
12:32Ma'am, may I speak frankly?
12:34Of course.
12:36You should be queen.
12:37You should.
12:39You're the oldest child, the most able, charismatic.
12:41The hardest working is what your father would have wanted.
12:43But Simon, my brother is king.
12:45Yes, but if people could only see how obviously wrong he is
12:49and how you are so...
12:55You know how I'll always be loyal to my king.
13:03And how I could never, ever do anything to hurt my brother.
13:16So that accounts for sections C, D, and E.
13:19Good.
13:21Oh, hang on.
13:22What about the Duke of Blexley?
13:23Ah, yes.
13:25Next.
13:25Blexley or Blexley?
13:26Blexley.
13:27The coronation.
13:29Now, I don't want to tread on the Earl Marshal's toes.
13:32And it is, of course, eight months away.
13:34So why don't we discuss it another time?
13:39Yes, sir.
13:41After the funeral, we shall move you into your new apartments.
13:45I believe they're removing your father's belongings now.
13:48What?
13:49It all has to be archived, sir.
13:50You're touching his stuff?
13:51It will be sent to Windsor.
13:53These are important historical documents.
13:55No, they're my father's.
14:17Stay down.
14:19Everybody out.
14:21You missed it.
14:23You missed it.
14:24You missed it.
14:24You missed it.
14:51Go away.
15:00Ian sent you to sweep me up.
15:02It's all I'm good for.
15:06Where's the family?
15:08They've all returned to Windsor.
15:10Your mother needed some attention.
15:12All right, well, I'm going to Windsor, then.
15:13Yes, sir.
15:14I'll make sure a car takes you there just as soon as you've seen the ambassador.
15:17Yeah, yeah, all right.
15:18I get it.
15:21I'm sorry.
15:25When my mother died, it hit...
15:27It hit me much harder than I ever admitted.
15:32I didn't know that.
15:32I'm sorry.
15:34How are you now?
15:35Well, I smile a lot, but inside I'm in bits, so...
15:39I'm very sorry for your loss.
15:44Thank you, sir.
15:48Who knows that we skipped the homeless shelter and went straight to the club?
15:51No one who'll tell.
15:55Would you give me five minutes?
15:57I'll do everything I'm meant to.
15:57Just five minutes.
15:59Of course, sir.
16:12Hey, it's me.
16:13I'm really sorry about your father.
16:15Yeah, look, can you get over here?
16:16I'm not sure that can happen.
16:17I know.
16:18Well, I'll make it happen.
16:20Please.
16:22Abby!
16:23Hi, Abby.
16:24Oh, hey, Simon.
16:25Hi.
16:26Fancy a drink?
16:28Bit busy, mate.
16:29Oh, I see.
16:30Too busy for me now.
16:31Oh, well, there's some funeral in Westminster Abbey tomorrow morning,
16:34but apart from that, yeah, the diary's completely empty.
16:36Oh, come on.
16:36Everyone's moping around, and you look like you could do with a break.
16:38I've got a meeting on the outside.
16:40Sorry.
16:40Hot date.
16:42Don't start getting all cute now I work for the King.
16:45So you think I'm cute?
16:46Bye-bye.
16:47No, seriously, we should talk.
16:49About how Princess Eleanor could help over lunch.
16:51Suddenly really, really busy.
16:54Working dinner?
16:55No.
17:07Nice and discreet.
17:08Aye.
17:10Congratulations.
17:13Relax.
17:14No one's interested in you.
17:16Not yet.
17:17I was thinking champagne.
17:18OK.
17:18I mean, a book about the drunken Prince of Wales will always do good business, but what's
17:23a non-expose on the King?
17:25Our book is going to be mega.
17:27Yeah.
17:28You're quiet.
17:29Oh, it's just a bit mental in there.
17:34The Lady Clarks keep bursting into tears.
17:36The Lady Clarks.
17:37Oh, I love it.
17:39Are they as upset as the page of the presents and the keeper of the privy purse?
17:44Our order is a bottle.
17:46What you're doing, it's amazing.
17:48It's brave, and it's...
17:50You're shining a light on the monarchy.
17:51You know, when you walked in and you looked a bit quiet, I thought, oh, God, she's got
17:56cold feet, and then I thought, shit, she wants more money.
17:59Yeah?
17:59Jimmy!
18:17Jimmy, wake up.
18:19Ruby, for God's sake...
18:21I've run out of gin.
18:23And it's your turn.
18:24I'm asleep.
18:25Bugger off.
18:28Ruby!
18:28Well, you hid a stash somewhere downstairs after the deal with the English cricket team.
18:35Hey, Jimmy.
18:37Nice pants.
18:41I'm sorry, Miranda.
18:42I shouldn't have called you in.
18:43It was just a wobble, and I'm fine.
18:45And everything's going to be just great.
18:49If someone just said, get ready, it'll happen in a year's time, a week even, it's just...
18:56I just don't feel like a king.
19:03Get up.
19:06Hmm?
19:06Go on, get up.
19:08Go sit there.
19:09Go on.
19:12Go on.
19:29There.
19:31You're king.
19:36See?
19:37See?
19:45It's easy.
19:49Nothing to it.
19:52It's like falling off a very posh log.
19:55Hmm.
19:55Hmm.
19:57Hmm.
20:28Oh. My. God.
20:38Jimmy, I'm the tiniest detail from here.
20:41They were just kisses.
20:42Who was she?
20:43All I saw was her back.
20:45She had dark hair, nice eyes for a girl.
20:49Did he say what she sounded like?
20:51Did she say anything?
20:52I think her mouth was full at the time.
20:55Jimmy's not telling me everything, I bet.
20:56I don't think they were just kissing.
21:01Ridiculous.
21:02And money would have heard long before you said it right.
21:06We don't know everything.
21:07Especially not these days.
21:09Excuse me?
21:10We all love Queen Charlotte, of course.
21:13But now we've got a new king.
21:15So maybe you and she don't know everything these days.
21:20Do you?
21:20There is no way His Majesty would do anything like that.
21:24Oh, darling boy.
21:25You're new.
21:27When you have my experience, you'll find it all comes to you.
21:30It's like a sixth sense.
21:32Yeah, but...
21:32Are you sure?
21:35Apparently, he was in the poodle position.
21:38No, because I'm the bloody valet.
21:40And he tells me everything.
21:42Not everything.
21:43Not the fact they did it four times.
21:45Wicky, who's the lucky girl?
21:47I don't know, mate.
21:47But apparently she gets a train.
21:49What?
21:50There's Jimmy now.
21:51No, Jimmy.
21:51What?
21:51The sun have a palace insider who claims that last night His Majesty and a mystery woman
22:03were bonking each other's brains out non-stop for seven hours.
22:07Did nearly every position in the Kama Sutra on the bloody throne.
22:13I mean...
22:14I'm going to find this palace insider and break the bloody legs.
22:22There goes the honeymoon period.
22:24I was not.
22:25It's a lie.
22:26Am I really so stupid I'd do it in the bloody throne room?
22:29Sometimes the crazier the story, the more people buy it.
22:32I take it there was a young lady, sir.
22:36They're delaying the splash because of the funeral, but they won't wait long.
22:39We need to prepare a strongly worded denial.
22:41Why bother to deny it?
22:43It's beneath us.
22:43Ian, it's the first story they have about him as king.
22:46It sets the tone.
22:47So does manipulating the press.
22:48Once we start spinning...
22:49Do you know what they're going to say?
22:50It's going to be vicious.
22:51Something like what a right royal dick or royal member gets a new job.
22:56Bonking them palace.
22:57Yay.
22:57Thank you, Abigail.
22:58Crown Jewel's got a fresh polish.
23:00My penis, Mirabolus.
23:01Oh, for God's sake, will we please remember where we are?
23:04Oh, the sun won't.
23:06Sir, we need to spike the story and find whoever leaked this.
23:11We could give them the girl.
23:13The girl that was with you, and they go after her.
23:19She becomes the story.
23:20No.
23:21May I ask who the young lady is?
23:23No.
23:23And don't even think about trying to find out, or I'll bury you.
23:26I need to prepare for my father's funeral.
23:37Oh, man.
23:38Why are you laughing?
23:41We're meant to be paying our respects to Daddy, and our brother's already cocking it up.
23:45It's just another story for the comics.
23:48Half the country will be thinking, what a lucky bastard.
23:50Yeah, and the other half will want to burn us at the stake.
23:52That's witches, sweetheart.
23:54They cut our heads off.
23:56With Eleanor, you'd probably have to do both.
23:58Am I the only one?
24:01Am I the only bloody one?
24:03Come on, then.
24:20Come on, then.
24:50Izzy, you come and stand next to me. Eleanor, what place is with him?
24:56You're going to be okay?
24:59Great. Don't worry about the public or the two billion people watching on TV.
25:04We're right beside you. You just think about Daddy.
25:20The king is dead. Long live the king.
25:50You know, I was always scared of him.
25:54Some twat is probably going to tell me that I'm in denial, but I'm not going to miss him at all.
26:01Just scared the pants off me.
26:05You'll be like that.
26:06Oh, shut up.
26:07Rich, people have been scared of you since you started shaving.
26:10I'm not like him.
26:21Well, you certainly proved that last night.
26:24Let's do a round next week. Pop up to Scotland, do 18, and then get some jet skis.
26:32Like we did that time. God, do you remember?
26:34When you nearly killed that old fisherman, I thought we were going to get strung up.
26:40Whatever happens, whether we denied or not, they'll run the story. Yeah?
26:48Yes, sir.
26:49Today, they all stared at me, walking behind his coffin.
26:51And when the story breaks, they'll just think...
26:54Okay.
26:58I want to show the people who I really am.
27:00Show them I'm not just a kid who just shags around,
27:02and I want to do that in a live television interview.
27:05No hiding, no secrets.
27:06We'll get them to ask me what happened last night so I can break the story in my own way.
27:10Explain it and stop the sun having exclusive.
27:12Now, look, I know this is risky, but I want to do this.
27:16I want it to happen, and you're going to make it happen.
27:19Oh, great. Well, that's thanks.
27:26Thanks for the vote of confidence.
27:27Yes, but, sir, it, er...
27:29Does it have to be live?
27:32Of course it has to be bloody live.
27:35Jonty?
27:36I'm worried it'll backfire.
27:37Oh, yeah, because I have never faced a camera, never talked to the press.
27:40Well, not without the chance to cut or re-edit.
27:42That... that's the point.
27:44All right.
27:46Your Majesty, is it true that you've had sex with over 300 women?
27:49On which tour? New York or Madrid?
27:52No, no, I'm just...
27:54Oh, come on, that's for you.
27:56It's a joke.
27:58You can't joke when it's live.
27:59They'll ask about your girlfriend.
28:00Yeah, fine.
28:01About screwing her on the throne?
28:02I wasn't.
28:03Well, you'll want to say what, but you were just holding hands?
28:06You think they'll let you do that?
28:07I'll deal with it.
28:08They'll dig up all those old stories about you,
28:10make you explain yourself over and over,
28:11and they'll find some new ones, too.
28:12Well, bring it on.
28:13They'll compare you to your father,
28:15make you look like a kid.
28:17They'll make you lose your temper, make you say things...
28:18Jonty!
28:19I'll brief you night and day,
28:20do mock interviews, ask all sorts of questions,
28:23but please, sir, please,
28:26don't risk it.
28:27I want to.
28:27Jonty's right.
28:28No, he's not.
28:29With respect...
28:30Shut up, Ian, for God's sake!
28:32I know what I'm doing.
28:33I can handle these people,
28:34and I won't just suddenly...
28:37lose it.
28:38Oh, shit!
28:43I won't,
28:45and I'll be fine.
28:56Abigail,
28:57what do you think?
28:58I think you'll be brilliant, sir.
29:07Well, there we are, then.
29:10Brilliant.
29:12Brilliant!
29:13We're letting His Majesty the King discuss his sex life
29:16on live television with a complete stranger,
29:19and you think it's brilliant?
29:19What was I supposed to say?
29:21He needed me to support him.
29:22I had to say that.
29:26And...
29:26you never know.
29:29You never know.
29:30I'd better talk to the Prime Minister.
29:37He is going to love it.
29:45Mum?
29:49Tell me everything.
29:56Hello?
29:57Hello?
29:57Hello, Tiger.
30:02We're here to shoot your governor.
30:14Right, we do 15 minutes here,
30:15then you can talk me through
30:16how we're going to sell hospital cuts
30:18to the Guardian.
30:21Oi, Miranda!
30:23Coming or not?
30:23I know you're advising him as best you can, Ian,
30:31but this is still a pretty bloody lousy idea.
30:34His Majesty knows his own mind.
30:36We all know how loyal you are, Ian.
30:38I just don't want to be the PM
30:39who watched the monarchy hang itself
30:40and didn't try to warn them.
30:41From a press point of view,
30:42this is horrific.
30:44Thanks.
30:45Live.
30:46Anyway, who is this dim tart
30:48he's supposed to be shagging?
30:49Katie, you're enjoying us a little too much.
30:52I know it's just a newspaper headline,
30:54but if he buggers this up tonight,
30:55he might never regain the nation's confidence.
30:58I mean, he'd always be tricky, dicky...
31:00Yeah, we've been there.
31:01I bet you have.
31:03How difficult is it for him and his bird
31:05to tie a knot in it,
31:06keep it in their pants?
31:09Who've they got to interview him?
31:11Joanna Woodward.
31:11Oh, shit.
31:12Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
31:13Talk him out of it.
31:14She hit me alive last time.
31:16We have been working on questions.
31:17She flayed the skin off my back.
31:18The thing is determined.
31:19You know, she made Gaddafi cry.
31:21Can't you go with the BBC?
31:23I mean, get somebody sold.
31:23With ITV, we have some measure of control.
31:27If they play dirty,
31:28they're below the chance
31:29of ever getting his Christmas broadcast.
31:31You think you're going to make it till Christmas?
31:34Good luck, Ian.
31:35We'll certainly be watching.
31:36Won't be Miranda.
31:38It's quite nice in here, isn't it?
31:40You wait.
31:50Not bad.
31:51Tell you what, though.
31:53When I worked on the Bond,
31:55we shot in the Grand Palace, Bangkok.
31:57Now, that's impressive.
32:02Yeah, don't look all right.
32:03Yeah.
32:07Do you have time for your sister, sir?
32:09Yeah, go on.
32:10Yeah.
32:14All right, just give us a minute, would you, Nick?
32:21No, don't.
32:21Not when we're alone.
32:22Oh, Rich.
32:23You're king whether we're alone or not.
32:25Yeah, tell me about it.
32:26Oh, good luck.
32:28Come here.
32:29Are you all set?
32:31Yeah.
32:31Yeah, that's good.
32:32Good.
32:33And they've briefed you properly.
32:34Going live can be a minefield.
32:36Yeah, all right.
32:37All right, touchy.
32:38There's a reason you came by.
32:40I'm on in ten minutes.
32:41There is.
32:44Mummy's worried about you.
32:48She doesn't think you're up to it.
32:49What?
32:49She said that.
32:50Well, um, you know, she never actually says anything unless it's laced in arsenic.
32:55We're the only ones who know what it's like to be the circus, to face the cameras alone, to uphold our daddy's memory.
33:09Did he ever hurt car?
33:12You were so much closer to him than me.
33:13Did he ever say...
33:14No, no, no.
33:14I forget about him.
33:16Well, I should have been there.
33:17Oh, Rich.
33:18You were visiting a homeless centre.
33:19You can hardly beat yourself up the right back, can you?
33:21No, I didn't.
33:21George and I just buggered off to the club and...
33:26Do you really think I'm going to screw this up?
33:30No.
33:31No.
33:32I just wish you'd spoken to me first.
33:34You know I'll always be here to pick you up, don't you?
33:42Hmm?
33:48Yeah, basically a power shop, a building like this.
33:52What do you expect?
33:53I think your boss would put his hand in his pocket to fix it, though.
34:01Hello.
34:02Hello.
34:04Hello.
34:04Uh, this is going to be great.
34:07I've spoken to Joanna.
34:07I know.
34:07Johnty, enough now.
34:09I'm ready.
34:09Yes, sir.
34:11Joanna.
34:13Your Majesty.
34:14You have some reputation.
34:15So do you, sir.
34:17Shall we...
34:18Absolutely.
34:28Are you going to beat me up, Joanna?
34:30No.
34:32I'm a softie.
34:33Five, four, three.
34:37Good evening and welcome to Buckingham Palace.
34:42I'm Joanna Woodward and tonight it is my great honour to talk to one of the most famous men
34:47on the planet, whether for his role as monarch or for his ability to drink 13 flaming sambukas
34:54in an evening.
34:56I'm talking, of course, about his majesty, King Richard.
34:59Well, darling.
34:59Come on, sir!
35:06Now, you insisted on this interview being filmed live.
35:10Why is that?
35:10Uh, well, Joanna, I felt it was important to give people a better sense of their new king.
35:14And I wanted to do it live to show that I'm not trying to spin my image or manipulate what I say.
35:20Well, I'm sure...
35:21Not in our day, ma'am.
35:22And I say that's a wonderfully brave and open gesture.
35:27Good man.
35:28Good man.
35:28Is it true that you spiked a News of the World story that claimed that you'd been begging your sister,
35:35Princess Eleanor, to become queen in your place?
35:38Oh, gosh.
35:42I, I, uh, I'm sure the News of the World have some wonderful tales,
35:45but I can promise you the last thing my sister wants is to be queen.
35:49So, now, what would you say to, um, a single mother of four living on a tough housing estate,
35:54what would she make of your performance tonight?
35:57Oh, Joanna, I think it's a little unfair.
35:59This isn't a performance.
36:01But she must see you.
36:02She must hear everything you've been saying.
36:04Like, for instance, that you only cost each taxpayer the equivalent of a Kit Kat.
36:09But she's still broke and you're still living in luxury.
36:13Uh, well, I would try and explain that, um, just as...
36:16Ian.
36:16Uh, a judge...
36:17You're holding my hand.
36:19...and he represents the law, so...
36:21Oh, sorry, sorry.
36:22...people in this palace, which is owned by the people, not me.
36:26And I do it because I represent the crown.
36:28When did you discover this sudden devotion to the people?
36:32Uh, when my father died.
36:33Your father's death didn't stop you bringing your lover into the palace in the boot of a car,
36:37or then having sex with her in the throne room, did it?
36:40No, uh, I have to confess, I do still have a love life.
36:43Um, however, salacious you wish to make the details.
36:46And who is she?
36:48And I am learning, uh, single man, or not,
36:52that my, uh, behaviour has to change.
36:57By the way, what is a Kit Kat?
36:58Oh, he's shooting, Johnny!
37:01Come on!
37:02Come on!
37:03Come on!
37:03That's my line!
37:05He stole my line!
37:06Who?
37:07Come on, John!
37:07I'm serious!
37:09Oh, you could charm the nation, sir.
37:12Oh, Joanna, you should be careful.
37:13You're in danger of being nice to me.
37:15What would you say to a quite rational argument in defence of the monarchy,
37:20that it's a necessary figurehead?
37:23Wouldn't you say that people are right when they say that...
37:26May I speak to the producer, please?
37:27Tell them it's Clara's house.
37:28And be the choice of the people.
37:30Well, no, I don't agree.
37:31And, well, this is a political matter and something that I can't get involved in.
37:34Great answer.
37:38So, who wrote your script for tonight?
37:40Oh, Joanna, come on.
37:41This is a live interview.
37:42We both know it's live.
37:42Come on.
37:43We know the real you.
37:45Caught with your pants down.
37:46A bottle in one hand and the crown jewels in the other.
37:50I'm sorry.
37:50I'm sure you're not used to being spoken to like this by your servants.
37:53I don't have any servants.
37:55Footmen, then.
37:56Butlers, valets, pages, reporters, a whole entourage.
38:00Come on.
38:01I thought we were being open.
38:03No spin, you said.
38:04My image is spun every day by tabloid gossip.
38:06Every story about you is untrue.
38:08No.
38:08No, not all.
38:09So, which ones are true, then?
38:12Your Majesty.
38:14Come on, sir.
38:14So, which of these nasty press stories about you gives us the real you?
38:24Which of these stories, which do you think would have upset your father the most?
38:30What did your father think of you?
38:34I never, I never got the chance to ask him.
38:37Because you weren't there when he died.
38:43You were out at a nightclub while your sister and mother did.
38:47What do you think you want?
38:48Just the truth.
38:48No, no.
38:50You want...
38:51You want me to be both common and royal.
38:56You want me to lead you as head of state and then trip up so you can stuff me on the cover of Heat magazine.
39:01I love getting drunk, okay?
39:04I love it.
39:05Clubbing, dancing, all of it.
39:07I've tried drugs.
39:09I make a fool out of myself most of the time.
39:11And I've hurt people just to bury stories about me.
39:14I am ashamed and terrified.
39:15I'll never live up to my father's standards.
39:17I just want to hide.
39:18Get drunk again.
39:20Scream from the roof.
39:21And most days I feel like a little boy, a fool.
39:24But I love my country.
39:26And whether it's in Cardiff, or in Edinburgh, or just driving over the Pennines, I have this incredible buzz.
39:33I couldn't be more proud.
39:34And I hope one day I can repay the favour.
39:41Your Majesty.
39:43Thank you for your candour.
39:51That was all right, wasn't it?
39:58Train wreck, all right?
40:00Sky ran a pole straight afterwards.
40:02Asked the question, will Richard make a good king?
40:0553% said yes.
40:08So we're not dead yet?
40:10Not yet, sir.
40:14I know I've always treated you like...
40:18You know, always getting me in and out of parties and stuff.
40:22Stuff.
40:25Quite a lot of stuff, wasn't there?
40:27Your Majesty.
40:29You were fantastic.
40:32Oh my God, I was glued to my seat. Wasn't there, Simon? I was glued.
40:35Yes, ma'am. Congratulations, Your Majesty.
40:38I'll try and book in to see you soon. And well done again. Wow.
40:43Thanks, darling.
40:46Only 53% said yes.
40:48So 47% already on our side.
40:50I need to find the lover. He's very protective of her.
40:52How do you get on with Abigail?
40:54How do you get on with Abigail?
40:55Very well.
40:56Hmm. He's got a soft spot for her.
40:58She'll be the one with the secrets. Go for her.
41:00Yes, ma'am.
41:01He's not...
41:03She's not the lover, is she?
41:04Of course, Simon.
41:06We don't do stuff. You are funny.
41:08I need you around.
41:14You're straight with me, Honest.
41:18If I'm going to have a chance in hell, then I'll need you with me.
41:22You'll be there, right?
41:25Yes, sir.
41:27Good.
41:27Good.
41:57Good.
42:30Neil.
42:30Mr. Roberts, hello.
42:33I thought you'd be up there with him.
42:34No, I wanted to spend some time with you.
42:37Did I ever tell you that I once had a drunken snog with Felicity Knight?
42:43Of the Sun?
42:45Now, if I was Felicity, I'd have been grooming you for some time.
42:48Casual meeting by accident in a bar.
42:51Then tickets for a club.
42:53A film premiere.
42:56All, because you're mates.
42:57champagne every time you meet and then the offer just the truth a chance to
43:05tell his side of things never meant to be a betrayal the way she put it she
43:14already knew about the stuff with him and the girl it was only when I tried to
43:18correct her that I realized she was bluffing and that I'd given it to her on a plate
43:23I was trying to explain that he was stressed and that he's human and that
43:31he's gonna be a wonderful king I'm so ashamed yeah first thing you're not
43:38gonna tell anyone about this but you're gonna let Felicity know that you're up
43:41for selling other stories to her but I'll tell you what to say and when okay so
43:47yes sir that way you get to keep your job but if I ever do need the inside
43:53track on what his majesty's planning or thinking you'll be happy to tell me
43:59won't you Neil
44:17oh
44:19oh
44:23oh
44:25oh
44:27oh
44:31oh
44:33oh
44:35oh
44:37oh
44:39oh
44:41oh
44:43oh
44:45oh
44:47ok
44:49there is
44:51ladies and gentlemen the man the myth my bloody brother oh
44:53come on in come in it's lager o'clock
44:55we're saving up the empty bottles to throw at the pipe her at dawn
44:57Hey did you get my text mate
44:59i just wanted to say i thought it was absolutely hilarious
45:03It's not standing in the doorway like a bloody page. Come on in, you fool.
45:08No, I just wanted to check you were OK.
45:10Of course I'm OK. I'm George.
45:22You all right?
45:24Yeah.
45:29Hey, Rich, now you're the big man, any chance of giving me Scotland?
45:33Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
46:03And I'll see you next time.