GROWING up, Siera was raised as a girl - and there were no early signs that suggested that was not the case. But when she had not had a menstrual cycle by 16 years old, Siera's mom Kelly took her to see the doctor. Investigations showed that Siera "had a uterus, but it was really small" and where her "ovaries should have been, they weren't developing" either. Eventually, she was diagnosed as intersex - meaning she had the "XY chromosomes" usually associated with males, but was born with female physical characteristics. Siera also learned that she was infertile - so she has known since her teens that she will be unable to have her own biological children. She initially struggled to come to terms with her newly discovered identity, as she told Truly: "I feel like starting out, to me, intersex meant: 'This is taboo, I don't want to tell anyone about it.'" Now aged 27, Siera has opened up about the fact that she is technically "both male and female" and is now comfortable in her own body. Still, dating is one aspect of her life that has been more challenging - she has often had to navigate invasive questions from potential partners and is always aware that she will need to disclose her infertility at some stage. So with blind date Stephanie meeting Siera at a local bar today, will she choose to break the news on their first date? And if she does, how will Stephanie react when she finds out?
Category
🗞
NewsTranscript
00:00I am both male and female. I have XY chromosomes but I'm a woman. At 16 years
00:06old I hadn't started puberty and so when I went to see the doctor I learned I was
00:10intersex. When the doctors explained to us that they found no ovaries it was
00:15kind of a shock. I knew from a young age that I wouldn't be able to have kids but
00:20that didn't really stress me out too much until I started dating. Today I'm
00:25going on a blind date and I'm nervous to see what my date will think about my
00:29being intersex. So is having kids like something you see for yourself in your
00:33future? This is basically how I get my estrogen. It's just a standard birth
00:43control pill that I take. I actually get four packs each time I get it so that I
00:50just get a period every three months. Basically with my condition I'm pretty
00:56much in menopause if I don't take it. Growing up people didn't know I was
01:01intersex because externally the doctors considered me a girl. By the time I was
01:0716 I hadn't gotten a period or started going through puberty and so we had to
01:12go to my pediatrician to kind of see what was going on. They saw that I had a
01:17uterus but it was really small because it wasn't developing and where my ovaries
01:23should have been they weren't developing as well and so that's why I wasn't
01:26getting any estrogen that would trigger that puberty. It was really awkward
01:32because everybody's already gone through puberty and I'm like buying my first
01:36bras in late high school and just learning how to use tampons and pads. I
01:42definitely felt a little different. I feel like why am I younger than everyone
01:47else physically? Like why have I not matured in that way? And it was just weird.
01:52I feel like starting out to me intersex meant this is taboo. I don't want to tell
02:00anyone about it. I just had a lot of anxiety around it. In the past couple of
02:06years I feel like it was kind of exciting because it just made sense like oh I'm not
02:10just this or that. I'm different and that was okay with me. Looking in the mirror
02:17now I feel like I've definitely come into my own. I'm still growing but like
02:22overall I just feel more confident in myself.
02:28Since openly identifying as intersex it's something I'm really proud of. Hey!
02:34How's it going? Good. How about you? Good. I am six feet tall. I wear size 11 shoes. I can
02:42palm a women's basketball. It kind of just reshaped my view of all things gender
02:46and how that's looked at in society. So basically I want to create like a
02:52wildlife habitat for all the butterflies. I'm creating a space where all of these
02:57butterflies can transform and come into their own which is kind of similar to me
03:02like I have to take my hormones my estrogen in order to go through
03:06puberty and like just become a full-blown adult. These tiny little ones are the
03:10aster. My mom supported me through the whole process by being the one who's
03:14taken me to my doctor's appointment, my surgeries, caring for me in the aftermath
03:20of those surgeries. She's always been there for me. When the doctors explained to
03:24us that they found no ovaries it was kind of a shock and then it's the first thing
03:30that you said before I could even kind of put everything together or think about
03:35it you said oh gosh I guess I'm just not gonna be able to have babies. For you to
03:39be that age that's the first thing for you to think about that's kind of
03:43heartbreaking you know. I knew from a young age that I wouldn't be able to have
03:48kids. I'm sad for my mom not being able to have like grandchildren from me but it
03:53didn't really stress me out too much until I started dating later in college. When I
03:59was still dating men I would worry about telling the person and if it would
04:02impact how they felt about me and if they would want to continue pursuing a
04:07relationship with me just based on the fact that I can't have kids naturally.
04:11It's definitely changed a lot now that I'm dating women I can be open about it
04:15and feel comfortable with it. So I'm going on a blind date today. I want to see if
04:22you can help me pick out my outfit. When I go on dates with people and I let them
04:25know about me being intersex I would hope that they are just open-minded and
04:31curious and hopefully that's something that wouldn't inhibit them from wanting
04:36to continue to get to know me. This top white jacket okay cute. So how do you
04:45think they'll feel once you explain that you're intersex? I feel like they're already
04:50dating women so they're a little more open-minded than the average person.
04:54What Sierra is actually searching for is love and a person that is like her
04:59kind-hearted and compassionate. As she's developed into a young adult I feel
05:05like she's also learning more about her intersex and she's wanting other people
05:10to listen. Okay. Well look at you! Oh my gosh you look so good! I hope that she finds the person to be
05:22interesting and open to listening and being positive with Sierra. Have fun! Thank you!
05:29Good luck! Yep I'll see you in a little bit. Have fun!
05:34I definitely get nervous about blind dates. I get nervous about dates in general.
05:38Especially with women. I'm scared. They're beautiful.
05:41Hi! Can I do like a mojito? I'll do a mark. Oh that sounds good actually. That's it. You can try mine.
05:58Were you nervous about today? Perfect. So am I. Yeah. I still am. Have you been on a blind date before?
06:04I've never been on a blind date before. I'm pleased. I don't feel like I've gotten too many questions from
06:14dates about being intersex because I feel like most of the time people don't really even know
06:19what to ask. I don't necessarily feel obligated to tell people right away but I'm definitely open
06:27to bringing it up naturally if it comes up. How has dating been for you? It's been all right. I've only had
06:33like one longer term relationship like with women wise because I figured out I was into women pretty
06:40late in life. It was kind of like this overall journey I was going on because I also learned that
06:47I was intersex at a later age. I don't know if you've heard of that before. I have but I haven't
06:52met anyone that's intersex. I was 16 when I first realized like I couldn't have kids and stuff.
06:57Oh okay. I was going to ask that too. Is having kids like something you see for yourself in your future?
07:03I've been pretty unsure about it. Sometimes I'm leaning towards no and then other times I'm like
07:08oh I think it would be cool to be have a family. What about you? I'm the same. Are you? Yeah. Yeah I
07:14think a family sounds cute. So how do you feel about like dating an intersex person? Like does it
07:19make you feel weird or put you off or like do you think you're comfortable with something like that?
07:23I don't think it puts me off at all. I would definitely be interested in dating someone that's
07:27intersex. I don't think it's a big deal. I think the day went really well. She was really nice and
07:34chill. I felt like we had a good conversation. I definitely would be open to dating intersex people
07:39in the future. Like I think it's just something that makes them unique but I think we're we're
07:43going to have a second date. Yeah. I think if people understood intersex more I feel like people would
07:50be more understanding and realize it's just who we are. Biological sex isn't binary and I'm living
07:57proof of that and I'm proud of who I am.