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Justsayin

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00:00everything i ate today as a woman with eating disorder trying not to

00:16eat well hello guys welcome back to another video so this video today is just going to be me

00:33recording um what i eat um as somebody dealing with uh and uh yeah that's about it so i'll just

00:43show you like kind of like a food diary diary for me i guess um yeah i'm not actually breaking out

00:49a sweat it is 43.5 degrees celsius right now here in kuwait and um normally just coming to the car

00:54i would be sweating and just dying of heat i think i'm adapting to the heat like which is so awesome

00:59because um i wouldn't want to walk around for hours outside in it but just just being able to stand

01:04even being outside is a big thing for me so because the summers can be very harsh so all right so um

01:11first up i'm gonna head to hardy's and get my favorite food fixation right now it is the um

01:16santa fe meal i just love the santa fe chicken meal with the santa fe sauce you already know

01:23uh the last time i ate was indian food at like midnight last night so i've been fasting for like

01:31about 14 hours now so

01:33um i haven't eaten anything this will be my first thing

01:37all right so yalla let's go

01:40all right let's uh dig in i know my hijab is like peeking out there but

01:48anyways

01:49someday i'll learn so i have a large i got a large meal just so i can have a large

01:56diet coke because that's what i really want

02:00and it's gonna you're gonna hear the um the ac i know

02:04so we have here oh some hot fries oh my gosh these are so hot

02:13okay so for you guys this looks just like i'm just going to get a fast meal

02:21no brain work involved and actually there's so much as a like person with bed so much internal

02:29turmoil going through my head like guilt initially like okay i should i be eating this

02:34but that very mindset of like this is bad will cause a negative chain reaction and

02:42like a cycle of like okay i've messed up my whole day

02:46might as well just eat everything in sight instead of like what i'm trying to do is like

02:53not binge eat so i'm allowing myself to just kind of eat like

02:58what i want within reason like i'm not going to go eat like

03:02a huge chocolate brownie sundae with like extra fudge

03:06maybe have a few bites but

03:08um because when i tell myself no like that

03:12and i'm too restrictive it's just it doesn't work for me so

03:18so far i've been

03:20two or three nights i know two for sure two or three nights

03:28completely eating free and for me that is like a huge feat because

03:35when i'm in

03:37the cycle of like

03:40i feel like i'll never be able to get out of it because like how am i going to stop

03:44and um i had a really bad stomach ache the other day and it kind of forced me to stop

03:50i you know unfortunately that came to that but

03:53and i let my body rest like i just like i guess

03:58without my own control intermittent fast to give my body a rest and that got rid of my stomach ache

04:03i felt a lot better you know that like skinny hungry feel you get when you don't eat

04:08i'm trying to like enjoy my food

04:16not eat too fast

04:19let's have some um

04:21burger

04:23chicken sandwich sorry

04:26it even says it i think it says it on the bag

04:30oh no

04:31santa fe chicken this is my favorite

04:34it's a spicy chicken patty

04:37wrapped in a paper that makes it taste better for some reason

04:42i don't know

04:43psychosomatic thing

04:44lettuce tomato and santa fe sauce

04:48and i get an extra side of santa fe sauce to like dip it in

04:53and to dip my fries in

04:54dip

04:56there you go

04:58beauty bite

04:58i should just like taking my time to like savor it

05:18and honestly it's not so much what i've been eating normally

05:25when i'm hungry throughout the day

05:28it's all the extra

05:30that's really damaging

05:32all that extra

05:33you know

05:34thousands of calories in like one sitting

05:39above what you eat

05:42throughout the day

05:44and if i eliminate that i know i'm going to initially lose

05:48some weight automatically

05:49it's really hot

05:58this is like the gnashy replacement

06:03santa fe sauce is like

06:06some compared to a chipotle mayo

06:08but it doesn't taste like

06:09it tastes more like a

06:11a cajun

06:12type of sauce

06:14i don't know

06:17it's really good

06:17whatever it is

06:19so that's what i'm trying to do

06:28i find if i

06:34get into my cravings

06:36even if just

06:37a little bit

06:38of each thing i'm craving

06:40like when i had ice cream last night

06:42i just had like one scoop

06:43you know

06:45that kind of thing

06:45i had indian food

06:48but i just ate

06:49till i was like satisfied with it

06:50and then i didn't eat

06:52till later today

06:53so i'm just trying to make like little

06:55mindful choices like that

06:57so yeah

06:58so i've eaten out

07:00so i've eaten fast food

07:02for this meal

07:03so i'm gonna go to the grocery store

07:06and try to

07:08make something for dinner

07:10later tonight

07:10so yes

07:12all right guys

07:14i'm gonna finish my meal

07:15and i'll see you guys

07:17for the next one

07:18bye

07:18so i actually just ate

07:22salas leftovers

07:23as my second meal

07:27quote unquote

07:28there was a lot left over

07:30a breast chicken breast

07:31and a lot of rice

07:32so i pretty much just ate

07:35the rest of the half of his

07:36bukhari chicken and rice

07:38waste not want not

07:40right

07:41and the last thing

07:42i ate

07:43was some wheat crackers

07:45four wheat crackers

07:46in this packet

07:47and some

07:48crunchy peanut butter

07:50that has no sugar

07:51so i'll see y'all tomorrow

07:53so thanks for watching

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