determined woman takes a job as a blind writer’s assistant, using her position to exact revenge and weave a cruel trap around her unsuspecting employer.
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Short filmTranscript
00:01:00To be honest, I don't know all that much about art, but I did see your TV shows. I thought
00:01:21they were bloody good. I'm a librarian by profession. I have been now for 17 years,
00:01:30so naturally I'm familiar with your books. And not just because I've been stamping them
00:01:36out. I have a degree in history of fine art. Edinburgh University. I studied under Berners.
00:01:48Roger Berners. You know him? Well, I've read all your books. I especially like the one
00:02:01on Rembrandt. An amanuensis. What the hell's that?
00:02:53Who is it? Jane Ryder, you were expecting me?
00:03:18Push the door. Come in. That's it. Close it behind you. Come in. Sorry, I'm a few minutes late.
00:03:32Come in, come in. Close the door, would you? Just throw your coat anywhere. No problem.
00:03:38I'll sit here, shall I? And perhaps you would like to sit there? Feel free to smoke. Oh,
00:03:46perhaps you'd like one of mine? No, thank you. I'm sorry, did my nonchalantly pulling it from
00:03:51my pocket put you off? No, not at all. I'm never quite sure what is the height of elegance
00:03:57or vulgarity. It's just that I don't smoke. So shall we start? Yes, please. I'm curious to
00:04:13know why you answered my advertisement. You must have known I was expecting a man. No,
00:04:19you didn't specify that. No, I didn't specify very much, did I? No. You'd obviously heard
00:04:26of me. Of course. I've read everything you've ever written. When I was at the Royal College
00:04:32of Art, you were kind of like a god to me. Aha! Go on, go on. Sorry, I'm not usually this dithery.
00:04:44I don't exactly know what I'm supposed to say next. How old are you? Thirty-eight. Your
00:04:52job? On the telephone you said something about stocks and shares. I work at one of the big
00:04:57banks in London. What happened to art school? Suppose I just didn't have it. Aha! So you've
00:05:05no idea what this job of mine entails? No, not at all. So, now we come to the nub. How
00:05:14good are your powers of observation? What? You heard me. How good are you at observing
00:05:19things and accurately describing what you've observed? I suppose, like most people, I consider
00:05:28that my powers of observation are quite good. All right. Describe yourself to me. My face.
00:05:35Do you consider yourself beautiful? I suppose if I'm honest, I'm considered attractive,
00:05:41I suppose. And? And I have high cheekbones, bluish grey eyes, full lips, blonde hair.
00:05:53Bespectacled? No. I'm sorry. Describe my face. Don't tell me that you have nothing to say.
00:06:06I know better than that. Let me tell you at once, Jane Ryder, you're worse than useless
00:06:14to me if you cannot, or indeed will not, describe my face. Okay. Your face looks as though it
00:06:26has been badly scarred in some kind of an accident. On your forehead and your right
00:06:33cheek you have these sort of bumps and bulges with red lines and a sort of a greyish-white
00:06:42colour. The bottom half and left side of your face look perfectly normal and I can't describe
00:06:49your eyes because you have on dark glasses. Of course. Careless of me. Cat got your tongue?
00:07:06You have no eyes. Yes, I have no eyes. And I don't wear glass ones because I think that
00:07:15would be over-egging an already rather lumpy pudding. Congratulations, though. Oh, though
00:07:21I might have preferred that you described it with a little less gusto, although I did
00:07:25goad you into it, didn't I? I'm sorry. No, no, no, no. You did exactly what I asked you
00:07:30to do. And here is a first edition of Thackeray's Vanity Fair. And this ashtray I bought in
00:07:52Los Angeles because it reminded me of one of David Hockney's swimming pools. Yes, I see what you mean.
00:08:19I'm such a ham. Shall we go next door? It's rather more cosy. No problem. No, this way.
00:08:39You'll come in. Please sit down. Thank you. Just so that you know, I lost my eyes and
00:08:49half of my face in Thailand four years ago. My car skidded off the road. I went through
00:08:54the windscreen. The whole thing burst into flames. Oh, I'm sorry. Well, there we are.
00:08:59The good thing, of course, about having no eyes is that you never have to see what you
00:09:03look like without them. Of course, I still can feel these bumps and bulges that you so
00:09:08vividly describe and the two empty eye sockets. I didn't want anything to do with the modern
00:09:17world. I had no newspapers, television, radio. I came here and went to ground. So all this
00:09:25belonged to you? To my family, yes. I haven't lived here since I was a boy. It's magnificent.
00:09:32It's a monstrosity. Anyway, enough chit-chat. I expect you'd like to know what this is about.
00:09:37I have an idea. Is it that you want to write a book? Exactly, Jane. One last book. My re-entry
00:09:43to the world of the living. Of course, I'm going to need an amanuensis. It couldn't be
00:09:48my eyes, my fingers. I see. Now, you are currently unattached? Yes, I'm single. Well, I would
00:09:54expect you to live here throughout. Seven days a week if you are so minded. Five if
00:09:59you want to spend your weekends in London. You may choose your own bedroom. Heaven knows
00:10:03how many there are. I certainly don't. Have as many as you like. In case you're wondering,
00:10:07I am offering you the job. Perhaps you'd like time to think about it. No, it's just that
00:10:13we haven't spoken about money. Of course, remuneration. I would be prepared to pay you
00:10:17three thousand pounds per month. Does that sound reasonable? Sounds extremely generous.
00:10:22Plus board and lodging, of course. A year should do it. Then yes. Excellent. I know
00:10:29we'll work famously together. What exquisitely manicured fingernails. Thank you, Sir Paul.
00:10:40Not at all. I can still pay an attractive woman a compliment. And please, not Sir Paul.
00:10:46Paul will do very nicely. Just Paul. Paul. Now, there's something you ought to know.
00:10:52I am not looking for a nursemaid. I have a housekeeper, Mrs Kilbride. She's a Glaswegian,
00:10:59poor soul. She does all the cooking and cleaning. There's one other thing. It's rather embarrassing.
00:11:10I have a terrific fear of the dark. It is rather extraordinary for a blind man to fear
00:11:17the dark, but there we are. I'm also dreadfully claustrophobic. I'd be claustrophobic in
00:11:25the universe. That is claustrophobic. It's no laughing matter. Oh, I didn't mean to...
00:11:32No, no, I know, I know, I know, I know. I insist on the lights being switched on in
00:11:37this house at exactly the same time as they would be in any normal house. Right.
00:11:57Also, I sleep with the nightlight on. Pathetic, I know. I promise not to leave you in the dark.
00:12:02Thank you. Is that it? No, I walk downstairs backwards. I walk downstairs backwards. It's perfectly
00:12:09logical if you think about it. Should I lose my footing, I will not tumble headlong. There's one more thing
00:12:15I should like to know about you. I asked you earlier to describe yourself. I'd like to check how
00:12:24accurate that description was. I'm sorry.
00:12:57Yeah.
00:13:27Only the west wing is heated. Everything else under dust sheets. For how long? All four years.
00:14:57Ah Jane, there you are. Dinner will be served shortly. All settled in? Yes. Good. Have you set up
00:15:17your computer in the library? Yes. It's a Mac, I hope that's okay. Oh. Most people use PCs. Oh, isn't it?
00:15:27If what you're used to is a big Mac, then a big Mac is what you must have. Where is Mrs. Gilbride?
00:15:35She knows I like to be served at 7.30 promptly. What time is it? 22. She's probably late because of you.
00:15:44And she serves straight onto the table, do you mind? Of course not. Ah, here she is. Dear Mrs. Gilbride.
00:15:53We were wondering what had become of you. Well, I'm sorry, but I'm no use to doing for two. I've had to change
00:16:02my whole way of thinking. Well, I'm sure you coped admirably. Well, seeing as it's a special evening,
00:16:09I made your favourite steak and kidney pudding. Ah, but everything you cook is my favourite.
00:16:14Here, I must ride out. Thank you. And don't you fret. I know Sir Paul's only pulling my leg. I know how he talks
00:16:22about my cooking behind my back. He's just got to like it or lump it. Sir Paul didn't say anything.
00:16:28Oh yes, he did. We go back a long ways, him and me. Don't we, you? Don't do that, you know I don't like it.
00:16:36Have we both been served? It's all there on the table. Good, Jane will call you when we're done.
00:16:41Don't you let him bully you, Miss Ryder, or else he'll become unbearable. Wheeshed woman, off with you.
00:16:53Poor Mrs. Gilbride. In the tragedy that is my life, she's cast herself in the role of comic relief.
00:17:00Now I have to teach you the clock method. I have in front of me, I know steak and kidney pudding,
00:17:06probably roast potatoes and either Brussels sprouts or peas. Sprouts. Yeah, dependable Mrs. Gilbride.
00:17:15Now I know what's there, but I don't know where it is. So. Let me see if I have it.
00:17:21Potatoes at twelve, steak pie at three and Brussels sprouts at nine. Well done, Jane, well done.
00:17:29No problem. Would you like some salt or pepper? Neither, thank you. No problem. Okay, bread? No, thank you.
00:17:35No problem. And please, can we have no more no problems, please. It's a modern cliche that I absolutely abhor,
00:17:44it's what I came down here to get away from, all that. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I wasn't being rude, I've just been frank.
00:17:52Frankness is essential, you know, between collaborators. So now is the time to iron out any little wrinkles.
00:17:58So if there's anything that I do or say which irritates you, then. Now that you mention it, there is. There is?
00:18:06Well, well, well. What? Poor. Poor? Yes, the word poor. I'm sorry, I don't follow.
00:18:14Well, just a moment ago you referred to Mrs. Gilbride as poor Mrs. Gilbride. Did I?
00:18:19I've just never been able to stomach the word poor. It seems patronizing. I've offended you.
00:18:30No, no, not at all. I'm not offended. No, merely surprised. I didn't know I did it. If I had an eyebrow, I'd be raising it now.
00:18:38I shouldn't have spoken. No, no, no, not at all. I asked you and you spoke. Are there any other hang-ups that I ought to know about?
00:18:46No. Did I say something funny? What? You're smiling. Did I say something funny?
00:18:54You can hear me smile. I can hear you think.
00:18:57Bon appétit.
00:19:19What would you like me to call it?
00:19:21The what?
00:19:22What would you like me to call it?
00:19:24The what?
00:19:25The document. I ought to give the document a name.
00:19:30Does your testament have a title?
00:19:32Oh, I see. I was thinking of calling it a closed book.
00:19:36Oh, I like that.
00:19:38Do you? It is rather neat, isn't it?
00:19:40I'll call it book for short, okay?
00:19:43Oh, will you?
00:19:48So how do we go about this?
00:19:51Well, it's not going to be easy because I need time to adjust because I'm not, you know...
00:19:55Of course.
00:19:59So why don't you just keep typing, no matter how confused it seems, and then we can clean it up afterwards.
00:20:05Sounds good.
00:20:06All right. So shall we start?
00:20:08Yes.
00:20:09Right.
00:20:13I'm blind.
00:20:15I realise that.
00:20:16No, no, that's the first sentence.
00:20:18Oh, I'm sorry.
00:20:20Sorry.
00:20:21What's that?
00:20:22Sorry.
00:20:23I'm blind. Full stop.
00:20:25Well, of course, full stop. As I said, it was a sentence, didn't I?
00:20:28Don't bother me with punctuation. Just use your instinct.
00:20:31Well, hopefully your education.
00:20:33Right. Sorry.
00:20:39Ready when you are.
00:20:40No, no, don't keep prompting me.
00:20:43When I know what it is I want to say, you'll be the first to be told.
00:20:47Sorry.
00:20:48And don't keep fucking saying sorry every two seconds. It drives me fucking bananas.
00:21:02And now it's my turn to say sorry. I humbly apologise. I'm deeply sorry.
00:21:06I'm so sorry. I should never have spoken like that. Please forgive me.
00:21:09Don't worry about it. I know this must be awkward for you.
00:21:12Thank you. Thank you very much.
00:21:15So I'll start again.
00:21:17Yes.
00:21:19I'm blind. I have no sight.
00:21:23Equally, I have no eyes.
00:21:27Thus, I am a freak.
00:21:30Blindness is freakish, is surreal.
00:21:34Excuse me. Do you want both is freakish and is surreal?
00:21:38Yes. Is freakish, is surreal. Full stop.
00:21:42Blindness is freakish, is surreal.
00:21:44Oh, God, this is absolute garbage. What am I talking about?
00:21:46This won't do at all. This is absolute bloody nonsense.
00:21:48Look, it's all right. It's all right.
00:21:50Just you keep typing. Don't worry about my complaints.
00:21:54All right.
00:21:56Blindness is freakish, is surreal.
00:21:59Even more surreal is that having been dispossessed...
00:22:06..of not only my sight but my eyes...
00:22:10..not only of my sight but of my eyes.
00:22:21..of my sight but of my eyes.
00:22:25Work from 9 to 12.30, lunch.
00:22:28Revisions from 2.30 to 6.00.
00:22:31Dinner at 7.30, always.
00:22:34Followed by a walk around the gardens or else into the village.
00:22:37Right. Now, Jane, there is absolutely nothing
00:22:39to shepherding a blind man around.
00:22:41Just link your arm in mine. That's it.
00:22:44Good. Just a little tighter. That's it. Nice and snug.
00:22:47Yes, don't be alarmed.
00:22:49This is as intimate as we're ever likely to get.
00:22:52Now, if we approach something that I should know about,
00:22:54like the curb, just exert a little pressure.
00:22:57Like this?
00:22:58Well, perhaps not quite as tight as that.
00:23:00Just like reining in a horse. Do you ride?
00:23:02No, sorry.
00:23:03Right, well, use your imagination.
00:23:05Right. Village. Clockwise, I think.
00:23:17Mrs Kilbride arrives at 7.30am and leaves after serving dinner.
00:23:22Saturday after lunch. Doesn't come on Sunday.
00:23:26The house is alarmed.
00:23:36GLASS CLINKS
00:23:57Chin-chin. Chin-chin.
00:24:00GLASS CLINKS
00:24:03You know, having you here is the best thing
00:24:06that's happened to me for a very long time.
00:24:09Well, thank you, Paul. I appreciate that.
00:24:11How about you? Have you enjoyed it, to be honest?
00:24:16Yes. It's been as interesting as I hoped it would be.
00:24:19Mm. Good.
00:24:21We have worked well together, I think.
00:24:23Yeah, we have.
00:24:25So, what's today?
00:24:26It's Friday.
00:24:27So, off to London tomorrow?
00:24:29Yep. To see the boyfriend, hm?
00:24:31There's no boyfriend, but I do have to get into town.
00:24:34Mm-hm.
00:24:36We did say that I would spend my weekends in London.
00:24:39Oh, absolutely, absolutely.
00:24:41I was just wondering something. Wondering what?
00:24:43Well, if you had an hour or so to spare...
00:24:45I probably will.
00:24:47Well, then, there's a little reconnoitering job
00:24:49that I'd like you to do for me.
00:24:51If you did it at the weekend,
00:24:53then that would mean you didn't have to go up to London again in the week.
00:24:56What would it involve?
00:24:58Well, there's a painting, a self-portrait,
00:25:00by Rembrandt in the National Gallery,
00:25:02and I just happen to think that it's the best portrait ever,
00:25:05and I'd like to write about it next week.
00:25:08So, what I want is a detailed description of the picture.
00:25:13Perhaps a postcard.
00:25:15I think you could get one at the souvenir shop.
00:25:18Actually, actually, what would be best of all would be a jigsaw.
00:25:23A jigsaw puzzle?
00:25:25Yes, they have them of some of the paintings.
00:25:27I know they have the Holbein Ambassadors
00:25:30and the Sierra de Bethes.
00:25:32You know that one?
00:25:34Of course.
00:25:36I don't expect they'd have the Rembrandt.
00:25:40I mean, who would want a jigsaw of a bulbous-nosed old codger in a smock?
00:25:46But only if it wouldn't spoil your weekend, of course.
00:25:50I've got errands to do anyway.
00:25:52So, when shall I see you?
00:25:54I'll be back Sunday night, but late, so don't wait up for me.
00:25:57I shan't.
00:26:00With a shake of his poor little head he replied...
00:26:10Hello?
00:26:18Hello, is someone there?
00:26:21Hello?
00:26:29Is someone there?
00:26:34Hello?
00:26:39Hello?
00:26:50Hello?
00:27:08Morning, Paul.
00:27:09Morning.
00:27:10Sleep well?
00:27:11No, I didn't.
00:27:13Sorry, I hope I didn't wake you coming in.
00:27:16When did you come in?
00:27:18Just after midnight.
00:27:19Had dinner with a friend at Bayswater, then I drove straight down.
00:27:21You couldn't have been here around 11?
00:27:2311 last night.
00:27:25Well, of course last night.
00:27:26What the hell other night could it possibly be?
00:27:28Don't bite my head off.
00:27:29I told you not to wait up.
00:27:30I didn't wait up.
00:27:32I'm sorry.
00:27:33I'm sorry, Jane.
00:27:34I had a rather eerie experience.
00:27:37What happened?
00:27:41Probably my imagination.
00:27:43How did you get on in town?
00:27:48I got the postcard.
00:27:50Oh.
00:27:51And a puzzle.
00:27:52Oh.
00:27:53Oh, well done you.
00:27:55Very good.
00:27:57I was imagining you were going to have to snip bits out of the postcard.
00:28:00I don't follow.
00:28:02Well, what I want you to do is assemble the jigsaw but leaving out the eyes.
00:28:07You see, I have this theory that what distinguishes a truly great self-portrait is how the eyes are painted.
00:28:14There's something that may or may not work.
00:28:17You may have some for the cover.
00:28:19Where's my coffee?
00:28:20Mrs. Kilbride!
00:28:21Coffee is straight ahead at 12, but Mrs. Kilbride's already left.
00:28:26Left where?
00:28:27What do you mean left?
00:28:28I told her to take the week off.
00:28:29You what?
00:28:30I told her to take the week off.
00:28:32Joe was sick with the flu and he had it bad, so I...
00:28:35Well, I think that's all very well, but I'm not angry.
00:28:37But it's just I really ought to be consulted before you make that sort of decision.
00:28:42I didn't want to wake you.
00:28:43Well, couldn't it have waited until I was awake?
00:28:47Are you saying that I was wrong to tell her not to come in?
00:28:50No, no, no, no. I'd probably have done the same thing myself.
00:28:52It's just that I might have thought twice before burning my boats, our boats.
00:28:58If it's meals you're worried about, I'm happy to cook for the both of us.
00:29:02Really?
00:29:03I'm not a bad cook, you know.
00:29:05Oh.
00:29:07Oh, well, it might be a rather nice change from Mrs. Kilbride's perennial stodge.
00:29:13Are you sure you want to cook every day for a week?
00:29:15Sure, I enjoy cooking.
00:29:18Well, thank you very much.
00:29:21Before we start, I'd like you to make a telephone call for me, please.
00:29:25Sure. Where's the phone?
00:29:37Why on earth is it shut away like that?
00:29:39Well, as I told you, I hate modern gadgetry.
00:29:42I have to have a telephone, but I don't have to look at it, if you see what I mean.
00:29:46Who am I to call?
00:29:47Oh, my agent.
00:29:49We've rather lost touch over the years. I'd like to tell him about the book.
00:29:53His name is Andrew Bowles, and it's 020-7631-3341.
00:30:03What did I just say? What number did I give you?
00:30:06020-7631-3341.
00:30:10That's right. Oh, don't tell him it's me. I'd like it to be a surprise.
00:30:13How am I supposed to say that it is?
00:30:15Well, try not to say anything, just...
00:30:17Ringing.
00:30:19Yes, Andrew Bowles, please.
00:30:24Hello, I'd like to speak with Andrew Bowles.
00:30:27He is.
00:30:29Can you tell me for how long?
00:30:32I see.
00:30:34No, no, I'll try back when he's...
00:30:36Yeah, thank you. Bye-bye.
00:30:41Out?
00:30:42Away.
00:30:43Lovely agent.
00:30:45Where the hell is he?
00:30:47Touring through Asia and then back through the States.
00:30:49I guess he won't be back till the end of the month.
00:30:51Ah, oh, well, at least the book will have a real existence by then.
00:30:56Once a month, the gardeners arrive on the 25th,
00:31:00which leaves just two weeks, not long.
00:31:15Proving that with my eyes closed,
00:31:18I continue to see, even if one of my eyes is closed,
00:31:22I continue to see, even if what I see...
00:31:28Even if what I see...
00:31:31is...
00:31:34nothing at all.
00:31:38Right, that'll do for now, I think.
00:31:42Are you pleased with it?
00:31:44Well, I may tear it all off at the end of the day.
00:31:47What?
00:31:48No, I'm joking, I'm joking.
00:31:50I'll make the coffee, hmm?
00:31:52Maybe something stronger, a glass of wine?
00:31:55Oh, no, a writer never drinks, Jane.
00:31:59That would be as dangerous as drinking and driving.
00:32:01Drinking and writing.
00:32:03What about Charles Bukowski?
00:32:05Charles Bukowski? Rubbish.
00:32:07Hemingway?
00:32:09Is that the kind of writer you think I am, hmm?
00:32:12Hard-boiled, gussied, liquor-swinging, hmm?
00:32:16I'll make the coffee.
00:32:31Paul, you look so elegant.
00:32:33Oh, well, so few occasions to which one may rise.
00:32:38Do you mind?
00:32:39Oh, sorry.
00:32:40I forgot we were outside of your comfort zone.
00:32:43Ah, you're wearing heels.
00:32:45Yes.
00:32:46How elegant.
00:32:47What colour is your gown?
00:32:49Red.
00:32:50Oh, splendid.
00:32:51Chair straight ahead of 12.
00:32:53Thank you, 12, very good.
00:32:55Perhaps another log on the fire.
00:32:57One can't heat this bloody mausoleum.
00:32:59Sure.
00:33:14Careful, your plate's hot.
00:33:17Ah, this is definitely not Cuisine Kilbride.
00:33:22Pheasant at 12, sautéed potatoes at three,
00:33:26and French beans at eight.
00:33:28Right, thank you.
00:33:38Is this the...
00:33:39Is this the Chambord Moussini?
00:33:41Good.
00:33:42Hope you don't mind.
00:33:43You said I could raid your cellar.
00:33:45Good choice.
00:33:47Is this the 1990?
00:33:48Right again.
00:33:50To us.
00:33:51To us.
00:33:55No eyes, but a hell of a nose.
00:34:04Now...
00:34:07Mmm, delicious.
00:34:09Thanks.
00:34:10It's been a long time since I've cooked for two.
00:34:12Oh, why?
00:34:14Sorry?
00:34:15Why has it been so long since you've cooked for two?
00:34:19Well, I think I...
00:34:22I live alone.
00:34:24Yes, but why?
00:34:26I mean, you're young, you're beautiful, so you told me.
00:34:30Why would you not want to be married?
00:34:33Does there have to be an answer to that?
00:34:35Well, I think there does.
00:34:37Well, I don't know what it is.
00:34:40Hmm?
00:34:41Don't you like men?
00:34:43You mean, am I a lesbian?
00:34:45Well, it makes absolutely no difference to me.
00:34:48But here you are, you know, in my house.
00:34:50I know nothing whatever about you.
00:34:53I may be a freak, but I'm as nosy as anyone else.
00:34:57No, Paul, I'm not a lesbian.
00:35:00No, Paul, I'm not a lesbian.
00:35:08You're not married, are you?
00:35:10No!
00:35:12Well, you asked me if I was a lesbian.
00:35:16All right.
00:35:18I still...
00:35:20I still find it difficult to believe
00:35:23that a young and beautiful woman would want to remain single.
00:35:27I mean, don't you want to have babies or anything?
00:35:30Can we please change the subject?
00:35:32Yes, of course. Yes.
00:35:35But should you ever want to talk, I'm happy to listen.
00:35:38Thank you. That's very kind of you.
00:35:42This is really extremely good.
00:35:45Hmm. How's the bread sauce?
00:35:48Very good. Very good.
00:35:50It's quite an unusual flavour, but excellent.
00:35:57HE WHISPERS
00:36:28HE CONTINUES WHISPERING
00:36:31Hello?
00:36:33Hello? Is someone there?
00:36:36Hello?
00:36:38Is someone...? Jane!
00:36:41Jane!
00:36:43Jane, will you come here?
00:36:46What's the matter?
00:36:48Jane, you can come in.
00:36:50Come in?
00:36:52It doesn't fucking matter. I'm 110 years old, for God's sake.
00:36:55No-one's gotten into the house. I locked the front door myself.
00:36:58What about the back door? It hasn't been open all day.
00:37:01What happened? I thought I heard someone turn the light off.
00:37:04It is on, isn't it? Yes, of course it is, Paul.
00:37:09Listen, I've heard that blind people can become overly sensitised,
00:37:14that their senses become hyper... hypertrophied.
00:37:19Is that the word? That's the word.
00:37:21Well, isn't it possible that you...
00:37:25..your senses have become so strong that you're hearing things,
00:37:28perfectly natural things, and you end up making too much of them?
00:37:31It's possible, yes, it's possible.
00:37:34Would you like me to stay?
00:37:36Oh, that's most kind of you.
00:37:39No, this can't be pleasant for you. No, thank you, thank you.
00:37:42What you need is a good night's sleep.
00:37:44Indeed I do.
00:37:46Yes.
00:37:48HE WHISPERS
00:37:51HE SINGS IN ITALIAN
00:38:22DOORBELL RINGS
00:38:25Jane?
00:38:27Oh, no, it's me, Sir Paul. It's Mrs Kilbride.
00:38:30Oh, hello. I thought you were having the week off.
00:38:33I know, but I forgot my sewing basket
00:38:35and I wanted to see for myself if everything was running smooth.
00:38:38Like, Jane's a nice enough lass, I suppose,
00:38:41but I cannae see her being that handy round the house.
00:38:44So I thought I'd just pop over before either of you got up.
00:38:47I see. What time is it?
00:38:49Oh, it's just gone seven.
00:38:52Did you not hear the church clock?
00:38:54If I heard the church clock, would I be asking what bloody time it was?
00:38:59Someone got out of bed the wrong time this morning.
00:39:02What are you doing up so early anyways?
00:39:04Long as I've known you, you'd like to lie in.
00:39:06No, just another bad night.
00:39:08You're not sleeping properly.
00:39:10No. How's Joe?
00:39:12Oh, Sir Paul, I'm that worried.
00:39:14I've never seen him so peely-wily.
00:39:16Oh, dear, dear. I'm sure he's just a bit...
00:39:18I'm sure he's just a very bad bout of flu.
00:39:21Is there any coffee?
00:39:23Oh, give it time.
00:39:25The water's not boiling yet.
00:39:27No, it's boiling.
00:39:29I don't know what you're talking about.
00:39:31You cannae see it anyways.
00:39:33No, sorry, no, I was miles away.
00:39:35Obviously.
00:39:37Would you like something hot for breakfast?
00:39:39Scrambled eggs?
00:39:41No, no, just toast.
00:39:43There you go.
00:39:46Now, I was remembering a little girl.
00:39:50We were bathing together somewhere on the Suffolk coast.
00:39:54While she was bathing, I...
00:39:56I was dipping my toes in the water.
00:39:59I said, it's freezing.
00:40:01And she said, no, no, it's boiling.
00:40:05Isn't that adorable?
00:40:09I said, how can it be boiling?
00:40:11There aren't any bubbles.
00:40:14She was too far away to hear me.
00:40:17You bathing?
00:40:19That's hard to believe.
00:40:21I wasn't always the gargoyle you see now.
00:40:25Jane not up yet?
00:40:27No.
00:40:31I was poking around next door
00:40:33and I saw that jigsaw on the table all joined up.
00:40:36Oh, oh, really? It's finished?
00:40:38Oh, good, excellent.
00:40:41Something to do with your book, is it?
00:40:43Yes. I hope this is coffee.
00:40:46Here's your toast.
00:40:48Thank you, thank you, thank you very much.
00:40:51So what's it supposed to be?
00:40:53What?
00:40:54The jigsaw.
00:40:56Well, you've got eyes, haven't you?
00:40:58I know, but what's that funny thing between them?
00:41:01Well, how's it any guess? I'd say it was your nose.
00:41:04Oh, yes, yes.
00:41:07No, I mean that funny thing in the jigsaw.
00:41:10What funny thing?
00:41:12Well, it's lying on the floor between the two men.
00:41:17What two men?
00:41:26Now, look at this.
00:41:28Look at it and tell me what you see.
00:41:31Well, there's these two men.
00:41:33How are they dressed?
00:41:36Like in olden times.
00:41:39The one of them looks a bit like Henry VIII,
00:41:42except he's a bit thinner, and the other could be a priest.
00:41:46Right, and this thing you're talking about, what is it?
00:41:50Well, that's just it.
00:41:52I don't know, I tell you.
00:41:54It's not like anything you can get a grip on.
00:41:57It sort of looks all squashed and stretched.
00:42:03Squashed and stretched?
00:42:05Uh-huh.
00:42:07Could it be a skull?
00:42:09A skull? No, never.
00:42:11Are you positive?
00:42:13Absolutely.
00:42:15Take my finger and place it in the centre of the thing.
00:42:19Your finger?
00:42:21Yes, take my finger.
00:42:23Place it on the centre of the...
00:42:25Is it in the middle?
00:42:27Uh-huh.
00:42:29Right, now let go.
00:42:33Now, bring your eyes to where the tip of my finger is, here,
00:42:39and look back at the thing.
00:42:44You there?
00:42:46Uh-huh.
00:42:48What do you see?
00:42:52Oh, my God, it is a skull.
00:42:56Oh, my God, it is a skull.
00:43:02Thank you very much.
00:43:04Thank you, that's all I wanted to know.
00:43:07Thank you, Mrs Gilbride.
00:43:10MUSIC PLAYS
00:43:23Morning, Paul. Morning.
00:43:25Sleep well?
00:43:27Not bad, you.
00:43:29So-so.
00:43:31I used to find you down here before me.
00:43:33No. You know I'm not.
00:43:35You been up long?
00:43:37About an hour. It was such a lovely morning, I thought it was silly to stay in bed.
00:43:41It's raining.
00:43:43What does that matter if you're blind?
00:43:48You must be dying for your coffee. I'll go put on the kettle.
00:43:51Do you want some...?
00:43:53What?
00:43:55Well, there's a pot already there.
00:43:59Did you make it yourself?
00:44:01Me? I'm totally helpless, as you know.
00:44:03No, if you want to thank someone, thank Mrs Gilbride.
00:44:06Mrs Gilbride was here?
00:44:08Yes, yes. She said she'd forgotten her sewing basket,
00:44:11but I suspect she just wants a little snoop around.
00:44:14Displaced woman syndrome, I think.
00:44:17Did she find anything not to her liking?
00:44:19Well, I'm not sure. We chatted about this and that.
00:44:21Mostly about the jigsaw.
00:44:24I was going to tell you.
00:44:26Oh, really? What were you going to tell me?
00:44:28Paul, you have to believe me.
00:44:30You deceived a blind man. It's a wicked thing to do.
00:44:33Well, if you...
00:44:35I don't know what you expected to gain from this.
00:44:37If you would just listen to me, I was looking for the jigsaw.
00:44:40What, the Holbein ambassadors?
00:44:42Mrs Gilbride told you.
00:44:44Mrs Gilbride doesn't know that it would have been a Holbein or a whore's arse.
00:44:46Then how did you know?
00:44:48Because a jigsaw is in Braille, didn't you know?
00:44:50I felt it with my sensitive little fingertips.
00:44:52Did you?
00:44:54Oh, don't be a silly cow.
00:44:56Paul, listen, OK, you were right.
00:44:58There was no Rembrandt's jigsaw at the National Gallery,
00:45:00so I don't know why, but I bought the Holbein instead,
00:45:02but I had no intention of passing it off as a Rembrandt.
00:45:04But then I came home, and I told you I got a jigsaw,
00:45:07and you thought it was the Rembrandt,
00:45:09and so I didn't have the heart to tell you otherwise, because...
00:45:12But I asked you. I asked you what it was like without the eyes,
00:45:16and you said that it was dramatic, but it diminished the painting.
00:45:20And I wrote about that! I wrote about it!
00:45:23I know. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
00:45:25I didn't know what else to do, and it was stupid of me, OK?
00:45:28It was stupid, stupid, stupid.
00:45:30But I was just trying to please you!
00:45:40I'm at a loss.
00:45:49You want me to leave?
00:45:55Then you do want me to go.
00:46:01No, wait, wait, wait.
00:46:07Can I trust you, Jane?
00:46:09Paul, I...
00:46:11Can I trust you never, never to humiliate me like that again?
00:46:16It was never my intention, I assure you.
00:46:21Look me in the eye
00:46:23and tell me that I can trust you.
00:46:29You can trust me.
00:46:33Again.
00:46:35You can trust me.
00:46:51Right.
00:46:53One more thing.
00:46:55Get rid of the jigsaw.
00:46:57Not just from the table, but out of the house!
00:47:03I'll never mention it again.
00:47:05I won't forget it, but I'll never mention it again.
00:47:59Oh, God!
00:48:01No! No, no!
00:48:03Oh, no, no!
00:48:05Oh!
00:48:07Oh, no!
00:48:09Oh, Jesus!
00:48:12Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:48:16Oh!
00:48:19No.
00:48:21Oh, no.
00:48:23Oh, God.
00:48:48What's that terrible racket?
00:48:51Jane? Jane?
00:48:54Yes, Paul. Sorry, what?
00:48:56There was this excruciating noise.
00:48:59Did you turn it off?
00:49:01Yes, sorry.
00:49:03Right.
00:49:04Where's it coming from?
00:49:06I bought a little portable radio, didn't I tell you?
00:49:09No.
00:49:10Oh, well, I did.
00:49:11Does it have to be so excruciatingly loud?
00:49:13I'm sorry, I thought it was a little loud.
00:49:15Does it have to be so excruciatingly loud?
00:49:17I'm sorry, I thought you were in the bath.
00:49:19No.
00:49:21What was it?
00:49:23Madonna. She's a singer.
00:49:25I know who Madonna is. Not a dinosaur.
00:49:28I actually once met the woman
00:49:30at some grizzly dew at Buckingham Palace.
00:49:32You two hit it off?
00:49:34Well, you could say our meeting was a semi-success.
00:49:36She hung on my every other word.
00:49:40This time I don't hear you smile.
00:49:42I'm sorry, I'm just trying to get my head around
00:49:44the idea of you and Madonna together.
00:49:46It's kind of a mind-boggler.
00:49:47Ah, yes.
00:49:48Would you like to pull the hem of my garment?
00:49:50No, thank you. Just the same.
00:49:52Would you like some coffee?
00:49:54Please.
00:49:56Well, you must have been quite shocked
00:49:59to hear about her death.
00:50:01Whose death?
00:50:02Madonna's.
00:50:04Madonna's dead?
00:50:06Oh, you didn't know, did you?
00:50:08No, of course I obviously didn't know.
00:50:10What did she die of?
00:50:12She was murdered.
00:50:13Murdered?
00:50:15Of course you wouldn't have heard about it.
00:50:17Yeah, it happened just like a year ago.
00:50:19She was gunned down by some druggie
00:50:21outside the Groucho Club.
00:50:23It was front-page news.
00:50:25Well, I don't see the front
00:50:27or indeed any other page.
00:50:29Madonna dead?
00:50:31My God, I'm really rather sorry
00:50:33in a strange sort of way.
00:50:35You were a fan?
00:50:36Don't be grotesque.
00:50:37It's just that I didn't know
00:50:39and that makes me feel stupid
00:50:41I'm not supposed to believe
00:50:42that a blind man has to be stupid.
00:50:44Well, if you're afraid of feeling out of touch
00:50:46I'm happy to read the paper to you.
00:50:48Really?
00:50:49Do you have one?
00:50:50Yeah, sure.
00:50:51Then read it.
00:50:52Now?
00:50:53No, I just want the headlines.
00:50:55There's been an atrocity in Baghdad.
00:50:57It would be news if there wasn't
00:50:59an atrocity in Baghdad.
00:51:01O.J. Simpson committed...
00:51:03Good riddance.
00:51:05Next.
00:51:07Donald Trump has become a Muslim.
00:51:09Never heard of it.
00:51:10Next.
00:51:14Princess Diana was sighted in Bhutan.
00:51:18What?
00:51:19Princess Diana was sighted in Bhutan.
00:51:21No kidding?
00:51:23No.
00:51:24Apparently a group of American tourists
00:51:27spotted Princess Diana
00:51:29hovering over a temple in Bhutan.
00:51:31Her hands cupped together in prayer
00:51:35she graciously smiled and then slowly drifted away.
00:51:39That's what it says.
00:51:41What an utter tripe.
00:51:43Complete fucking garbage.
00:51:46Well, if that's what they think is fit to print
00:51:48I'm almost glad I'm blind.
00:51:50Maybe not.
00:51:55Hold on, Paul.
00:52:04Hello?
00:52:06Oh, long time no see.
00:52:08Who is it?
00:52:09It's Mrs. Kilbride.
00:52:11Not too bad considering.
00:52:13And you?
00:52:14When do we get you back?
00:52:16Oh.
00:52:18Oh.
00:52:19Well, I see.
00:52:20How is he?
00:52:22Oh.
00:52:23No, no, no, no.
00:52:25Mrs. Kilbride, I'm so sorry to hear that
00:52:27but if you have to stay with Joe as long as possible...
00:52:31Is there anything I can do?
00:52:33That was Sir Paulie.
00:52:34Did you hear that?
00:52:35Yes, of course, Mrs. Kilbride.
00:52:37No, don't worry about it.
00:52:39We'll speak when you have time.
00:52:41Give Joe my very best.
00:52:43And mine.
00:52:44That was Sir Paulie.
00:52:45Yes.
00:52:46Okay.
00:52:47Bye-bye.
00:52:50Is this serious?
00:52:52She's afraid it might be lung cancer.
00:52:54Oh, my God.
00:52:56Well, Joe, you know, he's a 60 a day man.
00:53:03I realize this means we're going to be on our own
00:53:06for longer than we expected.
00:53:07Yeah, well, are you all right with the cooking?
00:53:10Well, it hasn't interfered so far, has it?
00:53:12No, no, no, indeed.
00:53:14God knows what I'd do if you weren't here.
00:53:21But I am here, Paul.
00:53:23Yes.
00:53:25Yes, you are.
00:53:28I really feel quite sorry for Mrs. Kilbride.
00:53:32But now that means I have the freedom of the whole house.
00:54:03Who is it?
00:54:05Oh, I'm from the Conservative Party Association.
00:54:09Never seen a blind man before?
00:54:11Oh, yes, lots.
00:54:12Lots?
00:54:13I didn't ask for that.
00:54:14All right, come to the point.
00:54:15Oh, well, I'm from the Conservative Party Association
00:54:18and we're having a by-election in a few days.
00:54:21What do you mean?
00:54:22You dragged me all the way to the door
00:54:24to tell me of some wretched by-election.
00:54:26Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:54:27Obviously, I really didn't realize the situation.
00:54:29Oh, wait, wait, wait.
00:54:30There's something you can do for me.
00:54:32Yes, I can't.
00:54:33Come in.
00:54:34I'm going to catch my death standing here.
00:54:35Oh, well, I'd love to.
00:54:36Come in.
00:54:37Close the door.
00:54:39Just for a few minutes, then.
00:54:40Yes, of course.
00:54:41Absolutely.
00:54:42This way, please.
00:54:48Do come in.
00:54:50Please close the door.
00:54:52Oh.
00:54:55This is a lovely house.
00:54:58This is a lovely room.
00:55:00Yes, this is where I work.
00:55:02We call this the library.
00:55:04It's lovely.
00:55:05I work here with my amanuensis.
00:55:07Excuse me.
00:55:16Now, tell me, this Conservative Party of yours...
00:55:20Yes?
00:55:21Do they have computers?
00:55:23Oh, yes.
00:55:24Oh, good, good.
00:55:25Do you see this computer here?
00:55:27Yes.
00:55:29Do you know how to operate it?
00:55:31Well, I think so.
00:55:33It's not the same model as the one...
00:55:35But you can operate it?
00:55:37Yes, yes, of course.
00:55:38Good.
00:55:39What exactly is it you want of me?
00:55:41Well, what I'd like...
00:55:43Oh, so good.
00:55:44What is the perfume you're wearing?
00:55:47Oh, it's called Spectacular by Joan Collins.
00:55:51Ah, it has a pungent fragrance of mixturation to it.
00:55:55You can look it up when you get home.
00:55:57Now, this computer, can you switch it on?
00:56:00Just switch it on?
00:56:02Yes, I'm alone in the house, you see,
00:56:04so you'll be doing me a great favour.
00:56:06Now would be excellent, thank you.
00:56:08Well, I presume it's all plugged in.
00:56:10Yes, seems to be.
00:56:12It ought to just switch on here.
00:56:16Yes, yes, that's it.
00:56:18It's on?
00:56:19Yes, on.
00:56:20So I'm going to be on my way out.
00:56:22Oh, one more thing, if I may.
00:56:24Ah, excuse me, excuse me.
00:56:25You're hurting me.
00:56:26I'm so sorry.
00:56:27I'm so sorry.
00:56:28I do apologise.
00:56:29It was not my intention.
00:56:30All right.
00:56:31Please sit down.
00:56:32You know, I'm terribly busy.
00:56:34For the merest of moments, please.
00:56:37I'd be so grateful.
00:56:39Can't be for long.
00:56:43What do you see?
00:56:45What?
00:56:46On the screen.
00:56:47What's on the screen?
00:56:49Just a list of documents.
00:56:51Is there one called Book?
00:56:53Yes.
00:56:55Would you open it, please?
00:56:57Ah, well, you know, I really feel that I...
00:56:59No, but please, please, there's nothing to fear.
00:57:01It's just not...
00:57:07Yes, it's open.
00:57:09Would you read it, please?
00:57:11What, all of it?
00:57:12No, no, just the first few lines.
00:57:16Ahem.
00:57:17I am blind.
00:57:19I have no sight.
00:57:21Equally, I have no eyes.
00:57:23I am thus a...
00:57:25Freak.
00:57:26Please don't be embarrassed.
00:57:27A freak.
00:57:29Ahem.
00:57:31I am thus a freak.
00:57:33For blindness is freakish, is surreal.
00:57:37Is surreal.
00:57:38Thank you, that's enough.
00:57:40Well, glad to have been nice.
00:57:42Everything seems to be in order.
00:57:44Sorry?
00:57:45No, no, I think I'm having a nagging anxiety.
00:57:48Would you mind switching it off?
00:57:50Thank you very much.
00:57:51You've read it very nicely.
00:57:52Oh, thank you.
00:57:53Can I go now?
00:57:54Of course.
00:57:55I mean, I have a lot of other constituents to see and...
00:57:57Certainly.
00:57:58Yes.
00:57:59I take it you are a Conservative?
00:58:01I've never voted in my life.
00:58:03Oh, really?
00:58:05You might have told me before.
00:58:07You've done a blind man a very good turn.
00:58:09Well, we're not the Girl Guides, you know.
00:58:11Oh, yes, you are.
00:58:12So I can't count on your vote, then?
00:58:13Absolutely not.
00:58:14Oh, can I just...
00:58:15Oh, ow, ow.
00:58:16Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:58:17I'm so sorry.
00:58:18I'm so sorry.
00:58:19Madonna was murdered, wasn't she?
00:58:23Who?
00:58:24Madonna.
00:58:26The woman whose photo is always in the paper?
00:58:28Well, I'm hardly likely to know that, am I?
00:58:34But she was murdered, wasn't she?
00:58:36Yes, yes, yes.
00:58:38And O.J. Simpson committed...
00:58:40Oh, absolutely.
00:58:42Absolutely.
00:58:43Oh, don't worry.
00:58:44It's really...
00:58:46Not to worry.
00:58:48Thank you so much.
00:58:49Goodbye.
00:58:50What about Donald Trump?
00:58:51Is it true that he became a Muslim?
00:58:55What was he before?
00:58:58A Roman Catholic?
00:59:00Or was he one of these Scientologists or something?
00:59:02Damn.
00:59:03Bloody cow.
00:59:10God, I don't know.
00:59:30F***ing b******.
00:59:33F***ing b******.
00:59:35What the f***?
00:59:41What happened?
00:59:44Oh, this f***ing bloody latch thing doesn't work.
00:59:48This thing swings open and I walk into it.
00:59:51Bloody...
00:59:53Has it happened a lot?
00:59:55A few times.
00:59:57You're crazy.
00:59:58What?
00:59:59You're crazy not to have it repaired.
01:00:01Something like that I could fix in about ten minutes.
01:00:04Really?
01:00:05Yeah. You want me to?
01:00:07Yeah, well, why don't you? That's very sweet of you.
01:00:10Okay.
01:00:12Ready to get to work?
01:00:13Yes, today we're going to go on a bit of a jaunt. Oxford.
01:00:17Any particular part of Oxford?
01:00:19Yes, Hertford, my old college. Reckie for the book.
01:00:22So you're finally ready to start dealing with the past.
01:00:25Yes, why do you ask?
01:00:27No particular reason.
01:00:29Let me know when you want to start.
01:00:45Bastard.
01:01:02So this is my old college.
01:01:04I haven't been here for 40 years.
01:01:06Have they torn it down and put up a plastic one?
01:01:09No.
01:01:10Is that any good?
01:01:12All right, onward to our very own bridge of sighs,
01:01:15which should be here somewhere.
01:01:18Are we in the other corner?
01:01:20Yes, kerb.
01:01:21Kerb?
01:01:22Mm-hm.
01:01:23Where?
01:01:24To the left.
01:01:25Oh, I see, right.
01:01:27Right, now...
01:01:29In the middle of this bridge,
01:01:32there should be a coat of arms of some kind.
01:01:35Can you describe it?
01:01:37There's two cherubs holding aloft a crest,
01:01:41a stag surrounded by stars,
01:01:43two other stags' heads and a crown on top.
01:01:46All right.
01:01:47That's vaguely what I remember us being.
01:01:50All right, now, next door...
01:01:52Next door?
01:01:53Yes.
01:01:54Next door, there should be a coat of arms.
01:01:58There should be a...
01:02:02Is that a child?
01:02:03Yes.
01:02:04Or a little girl?
01:02:05Mm-hm.
01:02:06Ah, nice.
01:02:07What is she wearing?
01:02:09A big woolly coat and a pink hat.
01:02:11With a bobble?
01:02:12Yes.
01:02:13Oh, good, lovely.
01:02:15Mittens?
01:02:17Yes, why?
01:02:18I just think it's very sweet,
01:02:20mittens dangling down under their sleeves.
01:02:22And now, this house...
01:02:24There's a few of them.
01:02:26I dare say.
01:02:28This one was lived in by someone famous.
01:02:31Someone...
01:02:32No, Halley, Halley.
01:02:34Halley of Comet fame.
01:02:36Are we here?
01:02:37Yes.
01:02:38Yes.
01:02:39I might have discovered Halley's Comet,
01:02:41but it's dedicated to a James Watt.
01:02:43James Watt?
01:02:44Inventor of the steam engine.
01:02:46But Watt was a Scot.
01:02:47So what?
01:02:48Are you sure? It's Watt.
01:02:50Sorry, Paul.
01:02:51No, no, no.
01:02:52It's not really that important.
01:02:54Never mind.
01:02:56Paul?
01:02:57Paul, are you awake?
01:02:59Yes, what is it?
01:03:01I'm going shopping.
01:03:02You need anything?
01:03:03No, no.
01:03:04See you later.
01:03:06Okay.
01:03:08He still seems uneasy about Oxford.
01:03:11Something tells me it's now or never.
01:03:14Something tells me it's now or never.
01:03:44S**t.
01:03:46S**t.
01:04:14S**t.
01:04:35S**t.
01:04:44S**t.
01:04:54What are you doing?
01:04:56I don't know.
01:04:58I don't know.
01:05:00I've done this before, so I'll just tell you what they are.
01:05:03Right.
01:05:05Six, three, one.
01:05:07Three, three.
01:05:09Four.
01:05:11One.
01:05:14Mr. Bowles.
01:05:16Andrew Bowles, please.
01:05:18What is the matter regarding?
01:05:20It's personal.
01:05:22Just put me through, please.
01:05:24I'm sorry, caller, but I'm afraid I'll have to...
01:05:27I can assure you that Andrew will want to speak to me if you just put me through.
01:05:33Nevertheless, before I can disturb Mr. Bowles, I have to know...
01:05:37As I have said, Mr. Bowles will take the call.
01:05:40He knows me.
01:05:42Just please, madam, stop f**king about.
01:05:46Who shall I say is calling?
01:05:48It is none of your f**king business who's calling.
01:05:50Just put me bloody well through.
01:05:53Hold the line, please, caller.
01:05:57Hello, Andrew.
01:05:59Good Lord, it is you.
01:06:01Paul, how are you?
01:06:05I really can't believe it's you.
01:06:07And you haven't changed a bit, you old devil.
01:06:09I'm sure you'd like to know I have one extremely distraught secretary on my hands.
01:06:13Oh, why, I was nothing more than my sweet, reasonable self.
01:06:16Yeah, I bet.
01:06:18Anyway, the important thing is here you are after all these years.
01:06:21I can't quite get over it.
01:06:23It has been a long time, Andrew.
01:06:25Paul, I did try to contact you. I hope you know that.
01:06:28I mean, I tried to call you several times, even just after...
01:06:30Yes, of course, I do know, and I'm sorry I didn't take that call,
01:06:34but, well, you can imagine.
01:06:37Of course I can imagine.
01:06:39But I want you to know that I have thought about you a lot these last four years.
01:06:42Thank you. I appreciate it.
01:06:44And Susan's dying to see you again.
01:06:46Well, she may think she's dying to see me, but I'm not a British either.
01:06:50You never were, old boy.
01:06:53Listen, I don't suppose that the reason you're calling is because there's another book in the pipeline?
01:06:59Actually, yes, I am. My autobiography.
01:07:02Well, that's marvellous news.
01:07:04Well, don't get too carried away. I've only just started it.
01:07:08You've already started?
01:07:09Of course.
01:07:10Paul, I'm hurt.
01:07:13Oh, come on.
01:07:15No, no, really, I'm hurt.
01:07:17I mean, why is it only now that I'm hearing about this new masterpiece?
01:07:20Well, I did try to call you about three weeks ago.
01:07:23So why didn't we talk?
01:07:25You were away.
01:07:26What? Out of the office?
01:07:28No, out of the country.
01:07:29I mean, I haven't been out of the country since the Frankfurt Book Fair last year.
01:07:33Oh, really?
01:07:34And what about your trip to Asia?
01:07:36Paul, I have never been to Asia.
01:07:39What?
01:07:40Never.
01:07:43Paul, what is it?
01:07:47Paul, what's that sound I'm hearing?
01:07:49It's the sound of scales falling from my sockets.
01:07:53Scales?
01:07:55I'm going to go now, Andrew.
01:07:57Paul, what's going on? I mean, suddenly you seem...
01:08:00I'm going now, Andrew. Don't call me. I'll call you.
01:08:03Paul, wait.
01:08:04Goodbye. Goodbye.
01:09:00Bye.
01:09:30Bye.
01:09:44Get what you wanted?
01:09:46Eventually.
01:09:49Did you bump into that wardrobe again?
01:09:51Yes, I bloody well did. I can't imagine how it came to be open.
01:09:56Want a cup of coffee?
01:09:58Not unless you're having one.
01:09:59I got one in Chipping Camden.
01:10:01Ah, Chipping Camden.
01:10:05Something the matter, Paul?
01:10:10Who are you?
01:10:13Why do you ask?
01:10:15Well, I spoke to Andrew.
01:10:17Who?
01:10:18Andrew, my agent, remember?
01:10:20Seems he never quite got to Asia.
01:10:23And you told him all about me?
01:10:25No, I didn't, actually. I could have, but I wanted to know what this was all about.
01:10:32It makes me feel sick.
01:10:34What does?
01:10:36That I feel sorry for you.
01:10:39Do you? Why?
01:10:40Because now you truly are blind.
01:10:42What?
01:10:44Make yourself at home, Jane.
01:10:46Don't forget the semi-colon, Jane.
01:10:48I can hear you smile, Jane.
01:10:50Who the fuck do you think you are, huh?
01:10:53God! God, what the hell?
01:10:55Shut up!
01:10:56God, I can't fucking stand the sound of your voice.
01:10:59If you swear to say another word, I will stick my fingers down your throat and rip it out!
01:11:23Who the hell are you?
01:11:25I'm Jane Ryder.
01:11:27Renault.
01:11:30Mrs. Ralph Renault.
01:11:33Remember Ralph?
01:11:35Killed himself?
01:11:40You do remember.
01:11:43Somehow I didn't think that you would.
01:11:46Of course, you've destroyed a lot of people.
01:11:48Somehow I didn't think that you would.
01:11:51Of course, you've destroyed a lot of careers in your life, but not so many lives, right?
01:11:55I mean, you haven't actually left a trail of corpses behind you, have you?
01:12:02No.
01:12:03I think Ralph was special.
01:12:08That's probably what you hated about him the most.
01:12:11I mean, what an incredible honor it was for him to have his first major show at such a young age at Tate Gallery.
01:12:20Ingenious, surreal, disturbing.
01:12:24Except for you, of course.
01:12:27Then again, you hated everybody.
01:12:30For you, the history of art ended with Rembrandt.
01:12:35I told Ralph a good review from you would have been the kiss of death.
01:12:39No, no, just stop it.
01:12:40Are you deaf as well as blind? I told you, shut up!
01:12:44Why was it enough for you to just destroy his career, huh?
01:12:49And why did you have to destroy it?
01:12:52Do you remember what you wrote?
01:12:54No, no.
01:12:55Child abuse by proxy.
01:12:57No, I didn't, I absolutely didn't, I absolutely did not.
01:12:59You might not have used those libelous words, but that's exactly what you insinuated.
01:13:02That he painted little girls because he couldn't f**k them.
01:13:05No, that is absolutely outrageous.
01:13:07Shut up!
01:13:08And Ralph, they confiscated his computer because they were looking for c**t.
01:13:12I can't be responsible.
01:13:13My beautiful, brilliant Ralph killed himself because of a review that took you, what, ten minutes to write?
01:13:21What?
01:13:23And then you moved on.
01:13:26But I couldn't.
01:13:28I read your books, I watched you on TV.
01:13:32I read all of your columns in the paper.
01:13:35You were a star, Paul.
01:13:37A national treasure.
01:13:39And then one day I read, famous art critic in car accident.
01:13:43And you know what's so strange? You'd think that I would have been thrilled, right?
01:13:47But it wasn't what I call revenge.
01:13:49It might have been good enough for Guy, but it wasn't good enough for me.
01:13:52Except for you vanished.
01:13:53I couldn't find you, I didn't know where you were, what you were doing.
01:13:56You disappeared until I saw your ad in the Times.
01:13:59And then I realized that somehow I had to destroy you, Paul, the way you destroyed Ralph.
01:14:04I did a terrible thing to you which can't be undone, but I'm a wealthy man, I'm a wealthy man.
01:14:13I'm just curious, you know.
01:14:17Your mouth is covered and you have no eyes, but I can still see fear in your face.
01:14:24And one day I realized this wardrobe.
01:14:28You walked into it today, you've walked into it before.
01:14:31Even Mrs. Kilbride knows about your wardrobe door.
01:14:34And you walked into it from one of those silly silk ties that you always wear.
01:14:38And you got locked in.
01:14:40Paul and I was in London, it was my weekend off, and you were locked in.
01:14:44Like you'd be locked in the pages of a closed book.
01:15:02DOOR CREAKS
01:15:05DOOR CREAKS
01:15:08DOOR CREAKS
01:15:11DOOR CREAKS
01:15:14DOOR CREAKS
01:15:17DOOR CREAKS
01:15:20DOOR CREAKS
01:15:23DOOR CREAKS
01:15:26DOOR CREAKS
01:15:29DOOR CREAKS
01:15:32DOOR CREAKS
01:15:35DOOR CREAKS
01:15:38DOOR CREAKS
01:15:41LOCKS CLANG
01:15:45DOOR CREAKS
01:15:50BETTY GASPS
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