Category
📚
LearningTranscript
00:00Sir, I am a celibate. But people around me think it's a huge deal. They would rather
00:09experience the other end of this extreme, which is temptations and urges. They think
00:14abstinence is a minority practice. Why this shift in value system? More importantly, how
00:21can people be tempted towards something they know nothing about?
00:26Going to my main point, I am a 33-year-old celibate. My question is, why is it considered so uncommon
00:33when it seems very natural to me?
00:42Numerically, proportionally, it is something that most people do not practice. So they
00:55do not take it as common because we lead lives that have a lot to do with the body. Therefore,
01:08to most people it appears very natural that life will be spent doing what the body commands
01:20is to do. So that is the only reason people find it uncommon. And to some extent they are
01:30justified because if you just count the numbers, not too many people will be celibates. So to
01:39this extent, yes. But what is to be understood is that it is not between this body and the other body.
01:52The matter, the real question is not between this body and that body. Are these two bodies meeting
02:03meeting or not? A woman's body, a man's body or whatever. It is not a thing between two bodies.
02:09That is not the principal question. The principal question is between me and my body. It is not between
02:20my body and somebody else's body. The question is what is the relationship between me and my body. Who am I
02:30and what is my body to me for? What is my body to me for? If I see that I am in the middle of a war, then my body is for the sake of fighting that war.
02:48If I see that my instrument, my resource, this body, if itself in some very absurd way, my problem, my bondage, then I have to
03:16liberate myself from my instrument so that I can use the instrument as an instrument. Otherwise, the instrument is some kind of handcuff.
03:32If the gun sticks to my hand, if the gun sticks to my hand, is it an instrument anymore? Before I can use the gun as an instrument, first of all, I need to liberate myself from the gun. The body is my gun. And I have to use it for my own purpose. The purpose of the gun is secondary. The gun does require upkeep.
04:00I have to service the gun. I have to service the gun. And there are so many other things that keeping a gun requires. So I have to obviously take care of those things. But I remember first thing that the gun is for me. I am not for the gun.
04:16The body will probably ask for many things because that's how the body is programmed. And I will listen to all those things. I am not sworn into enmity with the body.
04:32So I listen to those things. But the first question is, the more important question is, am I able to use my body constructively at all, creatively at all? Or am I living just to serve the body?
04:48So the body. So the body says, I want to procreate. And one procreates. And an entire sequence follows from there. And then you are servicing the needs and the consequences of the body and bodily action all your life.
05:09So the framework itself needs to change. If the framework is not optimal, then even the best answer within that framework is of little use.
05:30So we will raise our question. We will say, it is not about what others say with respect to me and my body or what others are doing to their own body.
05:46First question is, to what use am I putting this resource? To what use am I putting this resource?
05:57Because one does not live for too long. Probably more than one third of one's life has already been spent. 33. How much of it remains? Probably another 33 useful years at the max.
06:17Great resource is a great resource, this body. Fantastic resource. Is it not? Think of it. Think of the mind. Think of the unique configuration of limbs that we have. Think of the thumbs. Think of how in some ways we are very uniquely positioned among all species.
06:45The question is, the question is, what have we done with this that we have received. So someone comes to me and says, I have been sexually very active.
07:01I will say, don't tell me that because that's of very little interest. Tell me to what use has this body been put to?
07:11What have you been doing with it? What have you been doing with it? That's the real question. Someone says, I like to eat a lot.
07:21All right, you eat a lot. And then what do you do with what you have eaten? That's gone into the body. Then after that.
07:27So, these questions are of secondary importance. The most important question must be remembered. Soon, this body will no more be available. Soon, the opportunity to live in liberation will be gone.
07:51And there is no liberation once the body is no more there. Am I using it in the right way? And the body is all that we have. Remember, please.
08:03Because the mind is the body. The brain is the body. Memory is body. Experience is body. All resources are to the body. All wealth, all possessions are to the body.
08:14So, am I using all this in a wise way? In a wise way? That's the question.
08:27Thank you for answering that. You have basically echoed what my thoughts are. For me, there's been many arguments from other people.
08:36Like, you know, you're keeping yourself from experiencing pleasure by not doing whatever that needs to be done. Am I...
08:44See, there are pleasures of all kinds. They say that there is physical pleasure and that is to be accepted. Yes, there is physical pleasure. And on its own, it does appear quite important.
09:05But the thing is, as this particular species, we are capable of much deeper pleasures. And a lot of those deeper pleasures are impeded by the pursuit of physical pleasure.
09:21Animals, they have principally just this pleasure to turn to. Right? If an animal is to have pleasure, he is not going to write a poem. He will probably look for a mate.
09:40Human beings too, but what about the higher pleasures then. We are not criticizing this very ordinary pleasure. We are asking, where are the higher pleasures? So, that's the question to ask.
09:58Are there higher pleasures in life? Yes, absolutely. To me, joy has always been more important than pleasures of the body.
10:10Which brings me to my next question. Why should I marry? I think it is a very selfish act to select a groom based on his physical appearances, his accolades, his academic achievements, family background, or any such things.
10:28Most fortunately, in this decision, my biggest supporter has been my mother, who raised us as a single parent.
10:35Does it make us crazy that we are not bowing down to societal expectations regarding marriage?
10:41Think of life as a long unending game of tennis mixed doubles.
10:56So, on the other side is the opponent pair. On this side, there is the woman and the man. Let the woman represent all the women. Let the man represent all the men. The two halves of the population, roughly.
11:19They play alongside. That's what they are supposed to do on the court called life. They play alongside.
11:28They fight alongside each other. Occasionally, you will see some high fives.
11:35They are not supposed to start marrying each other on the court. That's not what the court is for.
11:44You are not going to see a wedding ceremony, Wimbledon Centre Court.
11:53Both of you are not looking towards each other. You are looking at the opponents. You are coordinating with each other as fellow soldiers, as comrades.
12:06That ought to be the relationship between the two genders. We fight shoulder to shoulder.
12:18We march alongside each other and we coordinate so that we can beat the enemy.
12:24If you marry each other, then you become each other's enemy. How will you beat the enemy on that side of the net?
12:39Think of a small army, battlefield, consisting of both men and women.
12:48Do they start marrying there on the battlefield? Do they start raising kids on the battlefield?
12:57Please understand the times we are living in. Please understand the condition of the planet today.
13:05It's war. And men and women, the right relationship between them is that they ought to be fellow soldiers in fighting the war.
13:18Fellow soldiers are friendly to each other. They take care of each other. They don't distract each other.
13:24And marrying and marrying and raising a family, all that is consumption of vital energy, energy that should have gone towards fighting the enemy.
13:39Energy that should have ideally gone into fighting the enemy is going towards fulfilling each other's demands
13:49and catering to each other's emotional whims and all of that is an integral part of the marriage package. Is it not?
13:58You now belong to me. You own me. I possess you.
14:04You should understand things even before I speak something out.
14:10Meaningless trivia. Hollow gossip. Endless wastage of time.
14:23And the enemy is celebrating. Ace after ace.
14:29And these two lie huddled in a corner celebrating the honeymoon.
14:33Six zero, six zero, six zero, six zero.
14:41Even a normal service is ace. Because there is nobody to return the serve.
14:46The fellow is lying unconscious.
14:54Instead of the racket he has the partner's body in his hands.
15:00This analogy is not too far-fetched, is it?
15:11They'll say no, but life is not a battle and life is not about facing somebody on a court.
15:18It is.
15:20I'm saying look at the world we are inhabiting today.
15:25It's a war.
15:32It's not just that you are losing the war if you let vital energy dissipate.
15:39It's also an injustice to the other one, the partner.
15:44The partner too deserves if not to win then at least to give a solid fight.
15:53You are distracting the partner from fighting his battle properly.
15:59He will become occupied with you rather than the right things in life.
16:05A lot of people will find this very unacceptable.
16:11They'll say what do you mean by right things in life?
16:13This is the right thing in life.
16:15Like a proper man, get a wife, raise kids.
16:18I beg to differ.
16:24I do not see how this is the purpose of life.
16:29Get a wife, raise kids.
16:34Any Tom Dick Harry can do that.
16:37And by Tom Dick Harry I do not even particularly mean humans.
16:40One of my rabbits is Tom.
16:44That cat is Dick.
16:46That dog out there is Harry.
16:49Even they raise families.
16:53What's so special about doing all that that you call that as the purpose of life?
16:58And if someone doesn't do that then you frown at him or her.
17:04Nothing against the family.
17:08Provided the two persons are like partners on the court.
17:21Assisting each other towards the victory.
17:25Not just caressing and fondling each other and smooching on the court.
17:29That's so ugly.
17:31The crowd will boo them out.
17:34You need to concentrate there, right?
17:38You need to concentrate.
17:41On the ball.
17:42On the right ball.
17:51You don't need to concentrate on your partner.
17:54Your partner should be a very passive presence.
18:00Dependable.
18:01Yet not a distraction.
18:11Are you getting it?
18:13And such a partner mind you need not be of the opposite gender.
18:16Marriage.
18:18Is a social construct.
18:20It is not an existential obligation.
18:21You find it serves your existential needs.
18:33Go ahead.
18:34Marry.
18:36But do not take it as one of the unavoidables in life.
18:41Man and woman flying a fighter plane.
18:48With the mission to bomb the enemy territory.
18:51And they start making out in the cockpit.
18:53Let's say the plane is a four-seater.
19:03Some priest is also accompanying them.
19:05And now he says I need fire to make you go round it.
19:10So they crash the plane and there is a lot of fire.
19:16The enemy rejoices.
19:18Be together.
19:20Fly the plane.
19:22Fly the plane.
19:24Bomb the damn enemy.
19:27That's love.
19:29Is it not?
19:30Or do you have to really keep pecking at each other in the cockpit?
19:31Peck, peck, peck, peck, peck, peck, peck, peck, peck, peck, peck, peck, peck, peck, peck.
19:49This is exactly my thought process.
19:52Ideally, two people should not be together because of their selfish interests.
19:57Rather as two companions marching towards the same goal.
20:01But people think it's an unreasonable expectation.
20:06If it's impossible, it's impossible. Fine.
20:09I'm not waiting for someone to come my way.
20:13If someone incidentally comes, it's beautiful.
20:15If someone doesn't come, I still have a lot of things to do.
20:19Who is sitting here waiting for a Mr. Special to arrive one particular day?
20:26If it happens, it happens.
20:29Same thing for sex. If it happens, it happens.
20:32One is not waiting for it.
20:34If it happens, one doesn't stop it.
20:37If it doesn't happen, one doesn't force it.
20:39Because one has far more important things to take care of.
20:42That's all.
20:46Thank you very much, Ajayi.
20:49Namaste.