Category
🎥
Short filmTranscript
00:00:30Oh, God.
00:00:32Hello?
00:00:37Cheryl, we have to talk about our birthday plans.
00:00:40I mean, it's only two days away, and we still haven't decided the perfect way to celebrate.
00:00:44So, I was thinking, maybe we could all take a trip to...
00:00:48Sue, um, I meant to tell you before, but I wanted to be sure.
00:00:52Um, I think I'm gonna spend my birthday with Jake.
00:00:55Uh, I'm gonna lose my virginity to him.
00:00:58You know, I want to surprise him.
00:01:00What? But you can't.
00:01:02I mean, I thought we were going to wait until marriage.
00:01:05Besides, you can't do that to us.
00:01:07You can't break tradition that way.
00:01:09This is bad.
00:01:11You know, I'm gonna tell Lexi.
00:01:13She's gonna be very unhappy about this.
00:01:22Come on, Lexi.
00:01:28Let's go.
00:01:37So, girls, what are we gonna do for our birthday?
00:01:40Sue, we have plenty of time to figure something out.
00:01:45But this is the big one-eight.
00:01:47I mean, every year since our moms met in the hospital, we've done something new and special.
00:01:51But this has to be newer and more special.
00:01:54So, what's something we've never done before?
00:01:57Mushrooms?
00:01:58No, not like that. Like something nice.
00:02:01Like maybe a trip.
00:02:03Like a mushroom trip?
00:02:05No.
00:02:07Sorry, Sue. I have a date.
00:02:10So do I.
00:02:12Sorry, Sue.
00:02:13Don't worry, Sue. We'll figure it out.
00:02:17Oh, flowers. Are these from you?
00:02:19Yeah, sure.
00:02:21Here you go.
00:02:23No card, but I thought I saw one.
00:02:26I didn't know how to put my feelings into words.
00:02:29I guess, um...
00:02:31you still make me nervous.
00:02:34Oh, Jake.
00:02:38I'm sorry.
00:02:40I'm sorry.
00:02:42I'm sorry.
00:02:45Maybe I should come in and hang out for a minute.
00:02:48Uh, no, Jake. Not yet.
00:02:50When we do it, I want it to be really special.
00:02:52The best night of my life.
00:02:54It will be. I promise.
00:02:56It'll always be amazing. With you and me.
00:02:59Together.
00:03:08Jake, no. I have to go. I have to work on my art project.
00:03:12You know, I thought art was going to be a really easy elective,
00:03:15but I guess I should have taken more math.
00:03:18Uh, so you're going to come to my birthday, okay?
00:03:21The Saturday?
00:03:23Of course.
00:03:27Thanks.
00:03:29Okay. Bye.
00:03:32Oh, baby. You're so hot.
00:03:34I'm going to do you so good.
00:03:36Oh, yeah, baby.
00:03:38What was your name again?
00:03:40Rod. Sex guy.
00:03:45Lexi is so upset, she's speechless.
00:03:49Yeah, right. I bet.
00:03:51I bet.
00:03:53I bet.
00:03:55I bet.
00:03:57I bet.
00:03:59Yeah, right. I bet.
00:04:06Cheryl's losing her virginity on Saturday?
00:04:09Oh, no.
00:04:11Do not compute.
00:04:13Want to talk in person ASAP.
00:04:18Oh, hi.
00:04:21When did you get home?
00:04:23So, is it true?
00:04:25Yes, it is.
00:04:27It's the right time, and Jake's the right man.
00:04:30I mean, he's handsome and smart and wealthy,
00:04:35and he has a really bright future ahead of him.
00:04:37So I just think it's the right time.
00:04:40Lexi, tell her.
00:04:42Losing our virginity is one of those milestones we should all face together.
00:04:45On our birthday, yes, but not on this birthday.
00:04:47Like, maybe on our 23rd birthday.
00:04:50Or maybe even, like, our 29th.
00:04:52Eight. Maybe.
00:04:56Listen, guys, I know it's tradition, but...
00:04:59I'm sorry.
00:05:03I know it's tradition, but...
00:05:05I'm sorry.
00:05:11But, Cheryl, Sue is right.
00:05:14We do always do something special on our birthday.
00:05:17Does Jake really have such a tiny little needle dip?
00:05:21It's not Jake. It's the male ideal.
00:05:24Like a Greek god or Sue's dad.
00:05:28Right.
00:05:30Yeah, I guess you're right.
00:05:32I mean, it kind of sucks. I'm not really an artist.
00:05:35Girls, can you just stop changing the subject?
00:05:37The point is, we should all lose our virginities together on the same day.
00:05:41And I'm just not ready yet.
00:05:43I'm waiting for a sign, and then I'll know it's right.
00:05:46Look, I can go either way.
00:05:48I mean, I'm fine with just 69, 79, anal.
00:05:52I don't feel any rush to actually do the deed.
00:05:55Besides, I know it'll never live up to my rabbit anyway.
00:05:59But if you want to do it this year, then maybe we all should.
00:06:04You know, it could be like our big 18th birthday thing.
00:06:10Where are you going at 6.30 in the morning?
00:06:13To church. To pray for you.
00:06:15I want to be first in line.
00:06:17I'm getting this is...
00:06:19Yeah, me too.
00:06:22Okay.
00:06:30Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.
00:06:32It has been four days since my last confession.
00:06:34I accuse myself of the following sins.
00:06:36Mm-hmm.
00:06:38Okay, so I'm really embarrassed to talk about this, but...
00:06:42It's about sex.
00:06:44Mm-hmm.
00:06:46I mean, not me. I've never gone past second base with a guy.
00:06:51I've never even seen a guy's...
00:06:53Well, there was that one time I took the pants off my Ken doll.
00:06:56But I was dressing him up as Jesus,
00:06:58and I wanted to see his thing, but there was nothing there.
00:07:04Okay, so it's about my friends.
00:07:06My best friends.
00:07:08They're going to do something really bad this weekend.
00:07:10Okay. Third base.
00:07:13What? No.
00:07:15Like, sex. Like, intercourse.
00:07:18With boys, they barely even know.
00:07:20I mean, they really need us' intervention, if you know what I mean.
00:07:23All the way. Go all the way.
00:07:26What are you...
00:07:30Ah!
00:07:32How could you do this?
00:07:34You're a bad, bad person.
00:07:38What?
00:07:44Yes. Yes!
00:07:46Run! Run!
00:07:48Home run!
00:07:50Damn it!
00:07:52Fucking Yankees.
00:07:56Sorry.
00:08:17Sue, it is 1 p.m.
00:08:20Would you have a little consideration?
00:08:22I'm trying to sleep.
00:08:24Jeez, can you guys please keep it down?
00:08:27I have an announcement to make.
00:08:29I want to do it.
00:08:31Do you hear me? I want to do it.
00:08:34This weekend.
00:08:36On our birthday.
00:08:38Do what?
00:08:40It. Screw.
00:08:42Screwing, boning, making the beast with two backs.
00:08:45You know, shagging, fucking.
00:08:49You do.
00:08:51But what about all your religious stuff?
00:08:53And what about your sign from heaven?
00:08:56Oh, I got a sign. At church.
00:08:58Really?
00:09:00Well, okay, great.
00:09:02We're all in then.
00:09:04So we'll have a big pool party, and we'll do it there.
00:09:07Right?
00:09:09Right.
00:09:11I'll start making the shopping list.
00:09:15Okay.
00:09:21Hey, Frank.
00:09:23Hi, Sue.
00:09:25Guys, we didn't invite Frank to the party.
00:09:27I don't know. Do you think he'd even have fun?
00:09:29Yeah, he's blind.
00:09:31Blind people can do everything regular people can do.
00:09:37We'll be back.
00:09:39Hey.
00:09:41I was wondering, we're throwing this party tomorrow night.
00:09:44It's for our birthday. Do you want to come?
00:09:46Do you think he can see up my short?
00:10:00Well, the house looks done.
00:10:02Tomorrow's the big day.
00:10:04We finally turn 18.
00:10:06And finally lose our virginity.
00:10:08Well, we better get our beady sleep,
00:10:10because the party starts tomorrow at 2.
00:10:12So, okay, we know who Cheryl's going to do it with.
00:10:14Jake.
00:10:16And I'll probably do that guy, Rod.
00:10:18But Sue, who are you going to pick to pop your chain?
00:10:20It's easy.
00:10:22I've known for the past six years, ever since catechism.
00:10:26What the fuck is catechism?
00:10:28I think it's a baby panda wrapped in peanut butter.
00:10:38My soulmate.
00:10:42Chris?
00:10:44Sue, you, um,
00:10:46might want to think about picking a backup.
00:10:48I mean...
00:10:50What? No, Chris is perfect.
00:10:52He played Jesus in Jesus Christ Superstar last year at camp.
00:10:54Plus, his name's Chris. It's a sign.
00:10:56Sue, the only sign
00:10:58is that Chris has a major case of gay face.
00:11:02What? He does not.
00:11:04Anyway, there's no such thing as gay face.
00:11:06He looks just like Justin Bieber.
00:11:08With a little bit of Zac Efron
00:11:10Just a hint of Ryan Seacrest.
00:11:12Who the fuck's Ryan Seacrest?
00:11:14Look, Chris is my soulmate.
00:11:18Okay, well, sweet dreams.
00:11:20See you in the morning.
00:11:28I knew it would happen someday.
00:11:30I just didn't expect it to happen so soon.
00:11:40You're so perfect.
00:12:10You're so perfect.
00:12:34I knew that's what I look like.
00:12:40I knew that's what I look like.
00:12:52Too bad no one could ever compare to you.
00:12:54Too bad no one could ever compare to you.
00:13:10Tomorrow's the day.
00:13:24Tomorrow's the day.
00:13:30Oh my gosh.
00:13:32They're coming.
00:13:34Lexi, Cheryl, hurry!
00:13:38Ew, why?
00:13:40It's for Jake to unwrap me.
00:13:42It's gonna be really sexy.
00:13:44I'm gonna sweat.
00:13:46You're gonna die of asphyxiation.
00:13:48It's gonna be really sexy.
00:13:50It's stupid. Just screw him.
00:13:52Come on. Who hurt you as a child?
00:13:54Oh, Christ.
00:13:56Can I wrap your mouth, too?
00:13:58Anyway, what guys want is someone who's sexy,
00:14:00not someone they can just have sex with.
00:14:02You're an idiot.
00:14:04A very smooth, plastic-wrapped idiot.
00:14:08Guys, seriously, come on. Hurry up.
00:14:14Oh, what a cool bracelet!
00:14:16I love it!
00:14:18Um...
00:14:20Can you put that down, though?
00:14:22It's very fragile.
00:14:28Those are your anal beads, right?
00:14:30Yeah.
00:14:50What is that?
00:14:52Whoa!
00:14:54Oh, we're gonna have some fun.
00:14:56Oh, Attack of the Wet T-shirts.
00:14:58Nice!
00:15:06Happy birthday, Lex.
00:15:10Oh, Joanna, we said no gifts.
00:15:12That is lip poison
00:15:14to plump your lips,
00:15:16but be careful, it stings.
00:15:18And this is edible massage oil.
00:15:20Oh, how did you know?
00:15:22I mean, I'm gonna use both of these tonight.
00:15:30Oh, sir, such a cutie.
00:15:32Please don't touch my service dog.
00:15:34All right, sorry.
00:15:36Are you okay now?
00:15:38Yeah, I'm fine, thank you.
00:15:44Jake!
00:15:46Hey, Ben.
00:15:48Happy birthday.
00:15:50Oh, you didn't have to give me anything.
00:15:52What?
00:15:54You want a beer?
00:15:58No.
00:16:02Oh, hon.
00:16:06I have your present here.
00:16:08I'll give it to you later,
00:16:10when the time's right.
00:16:12You didn't have to get me anything.
00:16:14And I have a present for you
00:16:16that I want you to unwrap later.
00:16:20Hey, Ralph,
00:16:22we need you to settle this bet over here real quick.
00:16:24What bet?
00:16:28All right, this is my man right here.
00:16:30Hey.
00:16:32How you doing?
00:16:34Hi.
00:16:36Check it out.
00:16:38Dare me?
00:16:44Woo-hoo!
00:16:52Look at that.
00:16:56Oh, dude, look at those.
00:16:58Are those real?
00:17:00Have you guys seen Cheryl?
00:17:02Hey!
00:17:04Hey!
00:17:06Move!
00:17:08Oh, all right, okay.
00:17:10I'll see you guys later.
00:17:12Go do some push-ups or something.
00:17:1420 bucks says by the end of the day
00:17:16I will be motorboating those titties.
00:17:18They're fake anyways.
00:17:20Who cares?
00:17:22Okay.
00:17:26Oh, dude, dude.
00:17:28I'm blind, you fucking asshole.
00:17:30Sue, no, it's your birthday.
00:17:32Here, let me.
00:17:34Joanna, no, just go enjoy the party.
00:17:36Come on.
00:17:38I win.
00:17:40Hey.
00:17:42Do my lips look any plumper?
00:17:44I put this stuff on, but I can't really feel anything yet.
00:17:46Have you guys seen Jake?
00:17:48I haven't seen him anywhere.
00:17:50He just, like, disappeared.
00:18:00Are these real?
00:18:02Of course they are.
00:18:04How come I've never met you before?
00:18:06I don't know, maybe he's gonna be around.
00:18:08Ryan, have you seen Jake?
00:18:10Um, I think he's around or something.
00:18:12Maybe upstairs, I don't know.
00:18:14Oh.
00:18:16Maybe he went to go get my birthday present.
00:18:18That's probably where he went.
00:18:24Liquid courage?
00:18:26Yeah.
00:18:28Atta girl.
00:18:32Vodka cranberry?
00:18:34Shirley Temple.
00:18:36Well, I guess it's now or never.
00:18:38I'd go meet Rod.
00:18:40Sue, are you okay?
00:18:42Sue, relax.
00:18:44They're just lies.
00:18:46Okay, nothing to be scared of, seriously.
00:18:48You're gonna be fine.
00:18:50Is Chris here?
00:18:52Wow.
00:18:56Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:18:58No, he does not have gay face.
00:19:00I'm gonna prove it to you.
00:19:02I'm gonna do it.
00:19:08Wow, it's even worse in person, isn't it?
00:19:10No, he does not have gay face.
00:19:12I'm gonna prove it to you.
00:19:14I'm gonna do it.
00:19:16I'm gonna do this.
00:19:18Good luck.
00:19:20Oh, my God.
00:19:22Hey, you can do this.
00:19:24Just act like a slut.
00:19:28Just pretend.
00:19:30Good luck, Sue.
00:19:38Yeah, my favorite chapter is Psalm and Glory.
00:19:40Chris.
00:19:42Hi.
00:19:44Can I talk to you?
00:19:46In private?
00:19:48Yeah.
00:20:00Hey, Lexi.
00:20:02Hey, Lexi.
00:20:04What?
00:20:06Chris, you're so sexy.
00:20:08Ever since you played Jesus at camp,
00:20:10I've just...
00:20:12I've known that we were meant to be together.
00:20:14And I really want to...
00:20:18Sue, what are you doing?
00:20:20Is that wrong?
00:20:22Sue, what's gotten into you?
00:20:24Nothing. I'm sorry. I don't know how to do this.
00:20:26Sue.
00:20:28Sue, Sue, Sue.
00:20:30I understand
00:20:32these urges.
00:20:34And, you know,
00:20:36I like you, too.
00:20:38Really? You do?
00:20:40I do. I really do.
00:20:42I like you, too.
00:20:44Really? You do?
00:20:46I do. I really do.
00:20:48It's just...
00:20:50I've devoted a lot of my life
00:20:52to one certain man.
00:20:54Right.
00:20:56Lexi said you were...
00:20:58Jesus.
00:21:00Oh, that man.
00:21:02Of course. What did you think?
00:21:04Oh, nothing.
00:21:06So we can still do this, then?
00:21:08Oh, Sue.
00:21:10You know,
00:21:12for me,
00:21:14when I think about that man
00:21:16who died for our sins,
00:21:18when I think about him
00:21:20up there on that cross,
00:21:22so helpless, yet so...
00:21:24muscular,
00:21:26with his strong
00:21:28thighs
00:21:30crossed over each other
00:21:32so delicately
00:21:34beneath that ragged
00:21:36loincloth,
00:21:38growing so hot,
00:21:40so sweaty under that hot,
00:21:42hot sun,
00:21:44I just feel such
00:21:46compassion.
00:21:48I think about those things, too.
00:21:50So you understand why
00:21:52I can't do this?
00:21:54Not really.
00:21:56I just find it too hard.
00:21:58It is to give in to
00:22:00carnal pleasure when
00:22:02he sacrificed so much for us.
00:22:04So...
00:22:12I'm gonna go out there, right?
00:22:14Yeah, we're gonna totally throw these on.
00:22:16Whoa!
00:22:18Have you seen Jake?
00:22:20Uh, no. No.
00:22:22All right.
00:22:24Okay.
00:22:26All right, focus, focus, focus.
00:22:34Oh, there he is.
00:22:38Oh, he got me the puppy that I wanted.
00:22:40Oh, he got me the puppy that I wanted.
00:22:54How could he?
00:23:00Sue, what happened? Did you guys do it?
00:23:02Sue?
00:23:04He doesn't want me.
00:23:06Because he's gay.
00:23:08He's not. He just really loves Jesus.
00:23:10Oh, come on, Sue.
00:23:12The only reason you even liked him
00:23:14is because you knew he was never a real possibility
00:23:16for you?
00:23:18Look, the only way
00:23:20you're gonna find out what kind of man you really want
00:23:22is to know what kind of woman you really are
00:23:24deep inside.
00:23:26What?
00:23:28Come with me.
00:23:30Where?
00:23:32To meet your dark side.
00:23:38Out.
00:23:40Everyone out.
00:23:50Sue, it's time for you and your vagina
00:23:52to meet face-to-face.
00:24:04I really can't.
00:24:06I really don't think I can do this.
00:24:08I'm not letting you out until you look.
00:24:14I'm not letting you out until you look.
00:24:18Sue?
00:24:20Can you see it?
00:24:22Sue?
00:24:26I'm almost...
00:24:28I'm almost there.
00:24:32Oh!
00:24:34What?
00:24:36What? Sue, what happened?
00:24:38What did you see?
00:24:40A raccoon?
00:24:42What?
00:24:44You overshot it. Aim the mirror further up.
00:24:52I can't. Please don't make me do that again.
00:24:54Okay, fine. Fine.
00:24:56I didn't want to do this,
00:24:58but you leave me no choice.
00:25:00What?
00:25:02You have at least one orgasm.
00:25:04Honestly, I don't know how you expected
00:25:06to ever have sex with someone else
00:25:08when you've never even had it with yourself.
00:25:10This really has to be your first step.
00:25:12Lex, I'm waiting.
00:25:14Coming.
00:25:16Sue, my black vibrator is somewhere in the top drawer.
00:25:18Just find it and use it.
00:25:20Wait. What does a black vibrator look like?
00:25:22It's black. It vibrates.
00:25:24Come on, Rod.
00:25:26Let's go to Sue's room.
00:25:28And don't come back
00:25:30for another orgasm.
00:25:42Hey, cutie! Cutie!
00:25:48Bullseye!
00:25:50Oh, yeah!
00:25:54Bang. Bang.
00:25:56Bang.
00:25:58Good boy. Straighten up.
00:26:00Good boy. Good boy.
00:26:02He knows over 100 commands.
00:26:06I'm sorry. I can't see anything.
00:26:08That is not funny, Cheryl.
00:26:10What a bitch.
00:26:12Fortunately, when you're blind, you get used to things like that.
00:26:28Clear.
00:26:42Oh, shit.
00:26:48What's wrong with this thing?
00:26:50Nice shot.
00:26:52Direct hit.
00:26:58Oh, shit.
00:27:06Cheryl, what is wrong?
00:27:08Lexi, it's Jake.
00:27:10He was getting a blowjob
00:27:12by some pink-eared girl.
00:27:14For sure?
00:27:16I mean, I know I've been putting off having sex with him,
00:27:18so maybe it's my fault.
00:27:20That's no excuse. He's a dirtbag.
00:27:22How dare he?
00:27:24No, it's awful.
00:27:26I'm not gonna marry him.
00:27:32It's a text.
00:27:34It's from him. I can't bear myself to read it.
00:27:36Okay.
00:27:38He's looking for you.
00:27:40He wants to give you your birthday gift.
00:27:42Oh, I can't face him.
00:27:44I have to go. I'm going.
00:27:46No, you can't just leave.
00:27:48Well, I can't stay and just pretend like nothing happened.
00:27:50I mean, maybe I should confront him.
00:27:52No. He'll either deny it or admit
00:27:54it. Either way, it's bullshit.
00:27:56I see only one option.
00:27:58I'm leaving.
00:28:00Revenge sex.
00:28:02What? What does that even mean?
00:28:04It means you find a guy, you screw his brains out,
00:28:06and you let Jake catch you.
00:28:10Revenge sex.
00:28:12What? What does that even mean?
00:28:14It means you find a guy, you screw his brains out,
00:28:16and you let Jake catch you.
00:28:18But he... I mean, he doesn't even care.
00:28:20He doesn't even care about me.
00:28:22He's just into other girls.
00:28:24Trust me. He'll care.
00:28:26Seriously, this is the worst thing you could do to him.
00:28:28To his ego.
00:28:30To screw someone else when you've never even had sex
00:28:32with him.
00:28:34Especially if it's with someone smarter, better looking,
00:28:36and with a bigger dick.
00:28:38No, I couldn't.
00:28:40Plus, I mean, there's
00:28:42no one smarter and better looking.
00:28:44Eric.
00:28:46He's perfect. Eric Hall?
00:28:48Are you kidding?
00:28:50He wouldn't even be into me. He likes your type.
00:28:52Really? And what type is that?
00:28:54He's slutty.
00:28:56Yeah. Trust me,
00:28:58he's amazing. I fooled around with him once.
00:29:00He has this great tongue, right?
00:29:02Oh, no. I could never fool around with
00:29:04somebody you've fooled around with.
00:29:06Okay, then. Fine. We will find someone else.
00:29:08Someone that I haven't
00:29:10fooled around with.
00:29:14Okay, what does it matter
00:29:16that I fooled around with him? I mean, it's like you're not gonna
00:29:18marry the guy.
00:29:20No, I just couldn't do it. Fine.
00:29:22If you want to live the rest of your life
00:29:24knowing that you had one chance to do the right thing
00:29:26to make your boyfriend feel like a total
00:29:28worthless piece of garbage and possibly
00:29:30even scar him with the rest of his existence
00:29:32and you chose not to do it,
00:29:34go ahead. But honestly,
00:29:36I don't know how you'll be able to live with yourself.
00:29:38I don't know.
00:29:42But honestly, I don't know how you'll be able to live
00:29:44with yourself.
00:29:46I don't know.
00:29:48Trust me. It's going to work.
00:29:54I will intercept Jake
00:29:56and get him upstairs.
00:29:58Hi, Cheryl.
00:30:00Okay, enough chit-chat.
00:30:02Oh, no.
00:30:04Hey.
00:30:12Hey.
00:30:14Happy birthday.
00:30:16Thanks.
00:30:34Have you guys seen Jake?
00:30:40So,
00:30:42happy birthday.
00:30:46Do you know that most people think that the
00:30:48happy birthday song was from Britain?
00:30:50But it's actually from us, US.
00:30:52America?
00:30:56United States?
00:30:58I know where we live.
00:31:00Right.
00:31:02I know where we live.
00:31:04Right.
00:31:08I know where we live.
00:31:10Right.
00:31:16Hey, Jesus, Eric, are you going to make your move or not?
00:31:18Oh, you want me to move?
00:31:20Yeah, no, I can totally move.
00:31:22No, you're fine.
00:31:33Jake!
00:31:37So, Eric, do you want to do it or not?
00:31:39Oh, I'm sorry.
00:31:41It? What, um...
00:31:43It. Like,
00:31:45monkey bone in and, like,
00:31:47pigs in a blanket
00:31:49get real nasty.
00:31:51Oh, oh, you mean, like,
00:31:53uh, right now?
00:31:55I mean, well,
00:31:57yeah, you know, the sooner the better.
00:31:59Yeah, sure.
00:32:01I mean, yeah, of course.
00:32:03I just never realized that you...
00:32:05I mean...
00:32:07Whew.
00:32:09Uh...
00:32:11It's just...
00:32:13You're so...
00:32:15You're so beautiful.
00:32:17Okay, um...
00:32:19Uh, no kissing.
00:32:21Right, um,
00:32:23of course. Sorry.
00:32:27So, um...
00:32:29Do you want to unwrap me?
00:32:31Oh, wow.
00:32:33Uh, you wrapped up like a Hot Pocket
00:32:35or a leftover macaroni and cheese.
00:32:37Now that you're leftover, you're not.
00:32:39Uh, you're fresh.
00:32:43Now that you're leftover, you're not.
00:32:45Uh, you're fresh.
00:32:47Organic.
00:32:49Yep.
00:32:51So the wrap.
00:32:53Right.
00:32:55Um, where's the, uh...
00:32:57It's, uh, the end is...
00:32:59The edge is, like, right over here.
00:33:01Oh, oh, yeah, here it is. I see it.
00:33:03Um, let me just, uh...
00:33:05Ow, ow, ow.
00:33:07Oh, sorry. Sorry, sorry.
00:33:09It's okay.
00:33:11Do it again.
00:33:13Sorry, I, uh, I bit my nails,
00:33:15so it's a little difficult to...
00:33:17You know what? Let me just lay you on the bed.
00:33:19Okay.
00:33:21Uh...
00:33:23Let me just see.
00:33:25Oh, here it is. I got it.
00:33:27All right, just, um, pull it.
00:33:29Let me just...
00:33:31Ah!
00:33:33Oh, jeez. Uh, Cheryl, are you...
00:33:35Are you okay?
00:33:37Uh...
00:33:39Hey, Cheryl, are you okay?
00:33:41Oh, jeez.
00:33:43Here.
00:33:45Here.
00:33:47Here.
00:33:49Here.
00:33:53Well, that was stupid.
00:33:55Yeah.
00:34:01How you doing tonight?
00:34:03Having a good time?
00:34:05Jake, I think I saw
00:34:07Cheryl upstairs.
00:34:09What? I can't hear you.
00:34:11Give me another beer.
00:34:13Chips are so damn salty.
00:34:15Jake!
00:34:17Upstairs. Yeah.
00:34:19Hold on. I'll take a piss.
00:34:21How much beer?
00:34:35Ah!
00:34:37Ah!
00:34:39Ah!
00:34:41Ah!
00:34:45Ah!
00:34:53Finally.
00:34:55I, uh, I'm just getting the blinds.
00:34:57Oh, no, no, no, no!
00:34:59Don't worry about it.
00:35:01What?
00:35:03I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:35:05Oh.
00:35:07Well, okay.
00:35:09Okay.
00:35:15Finally, I uh, let me just get the blinds.
00:35:24Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, um, don't, don't worry about it.
00:35:28What?
00:35:29I mean, I want us to be able to see each other.
00:35:32Oh, well, okay.
00:35:36Okay.
00:35:37Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
00:35:44yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
00:35:48yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
00:35:51yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
00:35:53yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
00:35:54yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
00:35:55yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:36:09Yes.
00:36:11Oh!
00:36:12Ah!
00:36:13Ah!
00:36:14Ah!
00:36:15What are you doing?
00:36:23Ah, I think it's time, you know, to do it.
00:36:30Um, not yet.
00:36:32More foreplay.
00:36:33Huh?
00:36:34Oh!
00:36:35Oh!
00:36:36Oh!
00:36:37Ah!
00:36:38Oh!
00:36:39So good!
00:36:40It's so good.
00:36:42Oh.
00:36:44Yep.
00:36:45Oh, my jaw.
00:36:47Jaw, jaw, jaw.
00:36:48What?
00:36:49What?
00:36:49What?
00:36:50Ow.
00:36:50Ow.
00:36:51Oh.
00:36:51Ah, dear.
00:36:53Lock jaw.
00:36:54Lock jaw.
00:36:54Is that even a thing?
00:36:57I don't know.
00:36:59Ah.
00:37:00Are you OK?
00:37:04No, no, no, no.
00:37:05It's, uh, it's fine.
00:37:07I'm just, uh, embarrassed.
00:37:09It's probably TMJ, or fracture, or swollen.
00:37:15You sure you're OK?
00:37:17Yeah, yeah.
00:37:18I'm fine.
00:37:19OK, great.
00:37:19Have fun.
00:37:20Oh.
00:37:26Now.
00:37:27Now.
00:37:27Let's do it now.
00:37:28No, not yet.
00:37:28Not yet.
00:37:32All right, I'm going to come.
00:37:33I'm going to come.
00:37:33Are you ready?
00:37:34No, not yet.
00:37:34Not yet.
00:37:35No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
00:37:37No, no, no, not yet.
00:37:38Lexi.
00:37:38Lexi.
00:37:39Oh.
00:37:39Oh.
00:37:43Oh, no.
00:37:43No, no, no, not yet.
00:37:44Lexi.
00:37:45Lexi.
00:37:45Oh.
00:37:46Oh.
00:37:48No means no.
00:37:49Huh?
00:37:50Oh, I'm so sorry.
00:37:51I'm sorry.
00:37:52I'm sorry.
00:37:52It's been a really long time, and I just,
00:37:54I haven't masqueraded for anything.
00:37:59Uh-oh.
00:38:02Oh, hey, Jake.
00:38:05How you doing?
00:38:07How's it going?
00:38:08Good.
00:38:09Eric?
00:38:10Come.
00:38:11Eric, help me.
00:38:12I'm blind.
00:38:13I can't see anything.
00:38:15Excuse me.
00:38:19Cheryl's in here.
00:38:24What's up, bro?
00:38:26What the fuck is that?
00:38:29Hey, wait.
00:38:31Lex, babe, still waiting.
00:38:38Oh, I'm sorry.
00:38:40I can't see.
00:38:40I'm blind.
00:38:43Damn it.
00:38:44I'm going to say something to that bitch.
00:38:47Hey, you.
00:38:49You better stop making fun of the blind,
00:38:51or I'm going to teach you a lesson.
00:38:53Ow!
00:38:55I'm so sorry.
00:38:57I'll never make fun of the blind again.
00:38:59Ah!
00:39:00Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
00:39:03What the hell's going on?
00:39:18Meow.
00:39:19Oh.
00:39:20What the hell?
00:39:22I can't imagine.
00:39:23Oh, man, no more water balloons.
00:39:25This party's ass.
00:39:26Yeah.
00:39:31This just isn't working out.
00:39:34Nothing.
00:39:35What's the big deal about these vibrators anyway?
00:39:40I'm a character, man.
00:39:41Watch this.
00:39:42Spark it up.
00:39:44All right.
00:39:44Yes.
00:39:48Oh, man.
00:39:49I love this game.
00:39:50Where's the controllers?
00:39:51We got to put it here.
00:39:52Here, here, here.
00:39:53OK, let me find another one.
00:39:55Whoa!
00:39:57Look at this.
00:39:59Oh, my god.
00:40:01Pew, pew, pew.
00:40:02Oh, man.
00:40:03Get that thing away.
00:40:04Jesus.
00:40:10Hey, dude.
00:40:11Nice shot.
00:40:13Wasn't me.
00:40:19Whoa, whoa.
00:40:20Nice.
00:40:22Are you sitting on it or something?
00:40:25Hey, you found the grenade launcher.
00:40:27Nice, nice.
00:40:39Do you have the extra controller?
00:40:42Do you have the extra controller?
00:40:54Whoa!
00:40:57You are the controller.
00:40:58No, I just, I didn't.
00:41:01I swear.
00:41:12All right, all right.
00:41:14Hey, hey, Sue.
00:41:15What's going on, man?
00:41:19It's OK.
00:41:20Hey, Sue.
00:41:31Hey, didn't you hear me calling you?
00:41:33Yeah, I just needed to, um.
00:41:36Oh, sure.
00:41:38Listen, Sue.
00:41:40I was rethinking what I said earlier.
00:41:42You were?
00:41:44You mean?
00:41:46Yeah.
00:41:50So you think we should give it a try?
00:41:53Can we go get a drink?
00:41:57Wow, um, your toilet's really, uh, you.
00:42:02Do you know what?
00:42:03I gotta go.
00:42:04Um, happy birthday.
00:42:05Uh, no, Chris.
00:42:06No, that wasn't.
00:42:07I didn't.
00:42:08Oh, God, never mind.
00:42:21This was the worst idea ever.
00:42:24Never going to have sex.
00:42:26Ow.
00:42:39Hello?
00:42:40A little attention here.
00:42:42Oh, yeah.
00:42:43Sorry.
00:42:48Lex, don't be selfish.
00:42:51Oh, right.
00:42:52Sorry.
00:43:03Oh, my God.
00:43:04Oh, my God.
00:43:05Oh, my God.
00:43:06Oh, my God.
00:43:08Oh.
00:43:11Ugh.
00:43:12Jeez.
00:43:13Who invented this stupid position anyway?
00:43:16Too much fucking multitasking.
00:43:18Screw it.
00:43:28Oh.
00:43:29Ha ha ha.
00:43:38Ha ha ha.
00:43:41Ha ha ha.
00:43:49Oh.
00:43:50Oh.
00:43:51Oh.
00:43:52Oh.
00:43:53Oh.
00:43:54Oh.
00:43:55Oh.
00:43:56Oh.
00:43:57Oh.
00:43:58Oh.
00:43:59No.
00:44:00That was bad.
00:44:01That was so bad.
00:44:07setting
00:44:15Joanna, do you know a guy named JJ?
00:44:20I think that guy's name starts with a J.
00:44:25Hey, does your name start with a J?
00:44:29Yes, it does.
00:44:31So, you're JJ?
00:44:33Uh-uh.
00:44:34Oh.
00:44:37Yes, I'm completely consumed.
00:44:38Freeze at the knees.
00:44:39Oh.
00:44:56Hello.
00:44:57Welcome to 1-900-Confess.
00:44:59Would you like a priest or a nun today?
00:45:01A nun.
00:45:02Please punch in your credit card number.
00:45:08Please hold.
00:45:09Oh, thank goodness.
00:45:141-900-Confession.
00:45:15How may I be of service?
00:45:17It's been one day since my last confession.
00:45:19I accuse myself of the following sins.
00:45:21One day.
00:45:29Is that too long?
00:45:30I would have come this morning, but it's my 18th birthday.
00:45:33Go on.
00:45:34Uh, OK.
00:45:35Well, I've been touching myself inappropriately.
00:45:38Well, actually, I didn't.
00:45:39A washing machine did.
00:45:40What's her problem?
00:45:42A washing machine touched her.
00:45:45Well, you know, I sat on a washing machine and, well.
00:45:49All right, freak.
00:45:50Time's up.
00:45:51What?
00:45:52But what do I do?
00:45:53Just unplug the thing.
00:45:54No, but I think I might have had an orgasm.
00:45:57Well, then be happy.
00:45:59You found the perfect man.
00:46:01I'm serious.
00:46:02Look, honey, you seem like a nice young lady,
00:46:04so I'll tell you this.
00:46:07Masturbation isn't a sin.
00:46:10No contusions?
00:46:12You broke no covenant with God.
00:46:14It's not in the Bible.
00:46:16So the washing machine could touch me anytime?
00:46:19Like morning, afternoon, night?
00:46:22Yes, and other things can touch you.
00:46:25Accidental masturbation is not a sin.
00:46:27Neither is intentional masturbation.
00:46:31Huh.
00:46:32God's pretty cool that way.
00:46:34He sure is.
00:46:35Now run along.
00:46:39Wow.
00:46:40How do you know all that?
00:46:42Because I'm a nun.
00:46:44Now eat my pussy, bitch.
00:46:46Huh.
00:46:47Accidental masturbation.
00:46:49Who'd have thunk?
00:46:50Who'd have thunk?
00:46:59Revenge sex.
00:47:00What a stupid fucking idea.
00:47:03God, I'm getting out of here.
00:47:06Yeah, I admit it.
00:47:08I've got no game.
00:47:10I guess I just get it.
00:47:11I mean, I guess I don't feel good enough.
00:47:16Fucking douchebag.
00:47:18Damn it.
00:47:20Now I have to get laid if it's the last thing I do.
00:47:22You go, girl.
00:47:24What?
00:47:26What are you doing here?
00:47:28We needed some place private.
00:47:30But hey, listen.
00:47:32If you're serious about getting laid.
00:47:33Yeah?
00:47:34If you want someone great.
00:47:36I mean, really, the best ever.
00:47:39No offense.
00:47:41Frank.
00:47:42The blind guy.
00:47:43Really?
00:47:45I'm telling you, he's amazing.
00:47:48I had food sex with him a few weeks ago.
00:47:50It was like nothing I've ever experienced before.
00:47:53It was like we used all our senses.
00:47:56Everything.
00:47:59If you're interested, I'll set it up.
00:48:02All right.
00:48:09What about him?
00:48:10Jeremy.
00:48:12Yeah, I know Jeremy.
00:48:14I think I fooled around with him once.
00:48:16I don't know his last name, though.
00:48:19It's Jones.
00:48:20Jeremy Jones.
00:48:22This all makes sense.
00:48:24Excuse me.
00:48:26Jeremy.
00:48:27Hi.
00:48:28Hey.
00:48:29Who was on the phone?
00:48:30Oh, that's my new girlfriend.
00:48:32You'll meet her.
00:48:33She'll be here in like an hour.
00:48:34Wait, you have a girlfriend?
00:48:47Oh, hi.
00:48:49Hi, Frank.
00:48:50Sit.
00:48:55Oh, you meant, you meant the dog.
00:48:59Relax.
00:49:01You need to relax and calm down.
00:49:13Oh, I'm relaxed.
00:49:14I'm fine.
00:49:15Why are you biting your nail?
00:49:17I'm not.
00:49:21How did you know that?
00:49:24Corner.
00:49:28Sit.
00:49:30Roll over.
00:49:34Oh, you mean me.
00:49:37Roll over.
00:49:41Oh, you mean me.
00:49:43Oh, you mean me.
00:49:45Oh, how do you, how do you want me to...
00:49:48Just lie down.
00:50:00Oh.
00:50:01I shouldn't even be doing this, but considering it a teachable moment.
00:50:06Okay.
00:50:09Oh.
00:50:11See me with your hands.
00:50:16All right.
00:50:24You know, I should really, I have a boyfriend and I shouldn't be doing this.
00:50:27Really.
00:50:41Mmm, peanut butter.
00:50:57Frank, Frank.
00:50:58Oh.
00:51:02Oh, Frank.
00:51:10Oh, Frank.
00:51:27Yo, man.
00:51:28Dude, give me a chip.
00:51:29My chips, homeboy.
00:51:31Dude, give me a chip, man.
00:51:32My chips.
00:51:33Dude.
00:51:34My chip.
00:51:35Dude, give me a chip.
00:51:36My chips.
00:51:38Guys, why are you making such a mess?
00:51:41Sorry.
00:51:49It's just a case of accidental masturbation.
00:51:51That's all.
00:51:56Come on, let me do this.
00:51:57Go ahead.
00:51:58I got it.
00:51:59I got it.
00:52:00No, really, please.
00:52:01I want to help.
00:52:02Please.
00:52:04Okay, everybody out.
00:52:06Leave.
00:52:07I have to vacuum.
00:52:20You're not even getting the chips.
00:52:22They're over here.
00:52:24I just, I see some dust over here, so.
00:52:29It's just, there's so much dust on this floor.
00:52:33It's just a dirty floor.
00:52:35Such a dirty, dirty floor.
00:52:57Okay.
00:52:58Oh.
00:52:59Oh, all right.
00:53:01I think I got all that.
00:53:02I'm just going to, I'll see you.
00:53:14Frankie.
00:53:16Oh my, oh.
00:53:17What was that?
00:53:18What?
00:53:20Oh, man, we got a smoky, smoky heat.
00:53:25Stop.
00:53:26Frank, stop teasing Frank.
00:53:28Oh, I'm trapped in a box.
00:53:29I'm sorry, man.
00:53:30We're just looking for a place to finish this roach.
00:53:32Oh, I heard something.
00:53:33Do you want to join us?
00:53:34Uh, no.
00:53:35Come on.
00:53:36You got to do it.
00:53:37Come on.
00:53:38Seriously, guys, I need to go back.
00:53:39Where's your dog, man?
00:53:40Dude, what's it like being blinded?
00:53:41It's trippy.
00:53:46Frank?
00:53:48Frank, are we going to do something soon?
00:53:52Bro, you are too funny.
00:53:56Thanks, man.
00:53:57Oh, this is some good stuff.
00:53:59I haven't smoked since junior high.
00:54:01Dude, I haven't stopped smoking since junior high.
00:54:04Wait, wait, wait.
00:54:05I feel like I was supposed to be doing something.
00:54:09Damn, I really can't remember.
00:54:11This is some good shit.
00:54:26Oh, no.
00:54:27You're the devil.
00:54:28No more.
00:54:32J.J., I mean, Jeremy,
00:54:34you have to remember that amazing time we had together, don't you?
00:54:38Please.
00:54:39Lex, I can't.
00:54:42I mean, I got a girlfriend.
00:54:43I really like this girl.
00:54:45Fine.
00:54:46It's just so sad because I'm wearing this
00:54:49couple-of-years-old dress.
00:54:52It's just so sad because I'm wearing this
00:54:55couple-of-years-old bra,
00:54:57and I also have on crotchless panties
00:55:00with just a little string of pearl in front
00:55:03for extra stimulation.
00:55:10We've got like 30 minutes before she gets here.
00:55:12Perfect.
00:55:17Before she gets here.
00:55:18Perfect.
00:55:23Hurry.
00:55:28Do it.
00:55:29Let's do it.
00:55:30Fuck me.
00:55:31Fuck me now.
00:55:36What?
00:55:37What's wrong?
00:55:38I can't.
00:55:39I can't get it in.
00:55:41Try down there.
00:55:42It's like desert down there.
00:55:44It's sandpaper.
00:55:46Okay, I get the picture.
00:55:48Just try it again.
00:55:50No.
00:55:51Why is this happening?
00:55:53We fooled around before.
00:55:55I was dripping wet.
00:55:56I came like four times, remember?
00:55:58Just do what you did then.
00:55:59Come on.
00:56:00I already did my thing.
00:56:01I already tried.
00:56:04What?
00:56:05What is different this time?
00:56:07I don't know.
00:56:08Last time...
00:56:12I honestly don't even know what you're talking about.
00:56:14What?
00:56:16You're not JJ?
00:56:19But your name is Jeremy Jones.
00:56:21How can you not be JJ?
00:56:23Who the hell is this JJ?
00:56:26Where are you going?
00:56:27We're not done here.
00:56:29I can still do this.
00:56:30I just need a little bit of foreplay.
00:56:31I can do this.
00:56:32I don't need JJ.
00:56:33I don't need anyone else.
00:56:35We can do this.
00:56:37Go team.
00:56:41What?
00:56:42Just keep going.
00:56:43Keep going.
00:56:48Shit.
00:56:58Where's Jeremy?
00:57:01We were just...
00:57:04Hey babe.
00:57:05Just working out.
00:57:10How could you, you bastard?
00:57:14You might want to...
00:57:16What?
00:57:18What?
00:57:22Mariella!
00:57:24Mariella!
00:57:25You know those aren't mine.
00:57:27At least not all of them.
00:57:30What is wrong with you?
00:57:35What is wrong with you?
00:57:38You used to be so pure.
00:57:40Well, no more.
00:57:41That's it.
00:57:43Really, that's the last one.
00:58:14Cheryl?
00:58:19What is it?
00:58:20What are you doing down here?
00:58:22Waiting for everyone to leave so I can sneak out and get far, far away from here.
00:58:26What?
00:58:27Why?
00:58:28Nothing.
00:58:29Just this blind guy and his dog and...
00:58:32Honey, it's going to be okay.
00:58:35No, it's not okay.
00:58:38God.
00:58:39And you know whose fault it is?
00:58:40I'm sorry.
00:58:41It's Jake's.
00:58:42Jake's fault.
00:58:43That blind, cheating bastard.
00:58:46Yes.
00:58:47He is such a dickwad.
00:58:48You need to confront him.
00:58:50Yeah.
00:58:51Yeah, I need to confront him.
00:58:52I mean, it's my birthday.
00:58:54And where is he anyway?
00:58:55Like, why isn't he hanging out with me?
00:58:57You know, you just call him here and give him a big piece of your mind.
00:59:00Yeah, a big piece.
00:59:01A big old chunk of my mind.
00:59:04A big piece of it.
00:59:05Yeah.
00:59:06You know, you might want to...
00:59:09You need to look hot while you break up with him.
00:59:11Yeah, you're right.
00:59:13Why am I wearing a sheet anyway?
00:59:14I don't know.
00:59:21I'm sorry.
00:59:22I'm sorry.
00:59:24I get shy around beautiful women like you.
00:59:28I got no game.
00:59:36It's not important.
00:59:42It's not important.
00:59:48Hey, um...
00:59:49Eric, I can't talk right now.
00:59:51No, no, no. I really need to talk to you.
00:59:53Really, Eric. I can't right now.
00:59:55No, no, no.
00:59:56I just wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier.
00:59:59And I'm just embarrassed and I don't want to make it up to you.
01:00:02Eric, really?
01:00:03I don't care. It's fine.
01:00:05No, but I do.
01:00:06I mean, I do. I care.
01:00:09I haven't known how to tell you.
01:00:11Maybe because, I don't know, I'm a little shy.
01:00:14But I was wondering, or hoping,
01:00:17that we could go out sometime.
01:00:20Soon.
01:00:21Because I'm going to be leaving for a little while
01:00:23and it would be nice to go out before...
01:00:25Really?
01:00:26Eric, you're shy.
01:00:27You have no game.
01:00:29No, not really.
01:00:32Yeah, no, I can't do this. Sorry.
01:00:38Okay. Alright.
01:00:40I, uh...
01:00:43Happy birthday, then.
01:00:55I'm sorry. I was trying to kiss your...
01:01:05Wow.
01:01:17Here I come, baby.
01:01:19Get ready for your big birthday surprise.
01:01:24Oh, Eric, stop.
01:01:25Um, we can't do this.
01:01:27Oh, God, Danny, not again.
01:01:28Oh, no, um...
01:01:29Honey, happy...
01:01:32The fuck is this?
01:01:34Who the hell are you, dude?
01:01:35Okay, guys, don't.
01:01:39Cheryl?
01:01:41Baby?
01:01:42What is this?
01:01:44Oh, geez, Cheryl.
01:01:45You're...
01:01:47I've been looking for you all night and you've been...
01:01:50Oh, man, no wonder I couldn't find you.
01:01:52You couldn't find me?
01:01:54What about all those girls' vaginas you were in
01:01:56or your penis getting sucked?
01:01:59Cheryl, honey.
01:02:00No, no.
01:02:01You can work this out.
01:02:02Baby, I love you.
01:02:03Jake, no. You have to go.
01:02:05Baby, I'll be faithful from now on, please.
01:02:06No.
01:02:07I promise.
01:02:08No, Jake, I can't do this.
01:02:09I'm sorry.
01:02:11Cheryl, come on.
01:02:12No, Jake, please, just go.
01:02:13Please, baby, come on.
01:02:14Just go. I'm sorry.
01:02:15You're a heartless bitch!
01:02:17How could you do...
01:02:18Yay!
01:02:19You did it.
01:02:20I'm so proud of you.
01:02:21You got your revenge sex.
01:02:23You've left him a mere shell of a man.
01:02:25Revenge sex?
01:02:28It's really not what it sounds like at all.
01:02:31Right.
01:02:33That'll make sense now.
01:02:35Wow, I feel really stupid.
01:02:38Eric, I'm really... I'm really sorry.
01:02:41Cheryl, I really liked you.
01:02:44And you used me.
01:02:46Eric, please don't go.
01:02:47Please, Eric!
01:02:50Aren't you happy?
01:02:53Well, no, that's not exactly how it's supposed to feel like.
01:02:56You mean the sex?
01:02:57Was it...
01:02:58No, we didn't quite do it.
01:03:00Oh.
01:03:01You know, I couldn't seem to do it either.
01:03:03Really?
01:03:04I just never found the right guy.
01:03:05Or guys.
01:03:07Anyway, we better get downstairs.
01:03:09People are starting to leave.
01:03:11I wonder how Sue did.
01:03:23I can't believe she dumped me, man.
01:03:24This is bullshit!
01:03:30Suck it!
01:03:32Get out of here!
01:03:34Yeah!
01:03:35He has good hair, though.
01:03:40Don't you puke on me.
01:03:42And don't puke on my car either.
01:03:56Oh, Sue, are you all right?
01:03:59Was it from sex?
01:04:01Did you pop your cork?
01:04:02I don't think so.
01:04:03Not with a guy, anyway.
01:04:05Oh, don't ask.
01:04:06Every possible object.
01:04:09It's like every mechanical thing.
01:04:10It was like Transformers.
01:04:12They just all became vibrators.
01:04:15I told you.
01:04:16It's addicting.
01:04:19So what about Chris?
01:04:20Well, last time I saw him, he was running away for dear life.
01:04:23I told you he was gay.
01:04:25Well, I think I'm just all cramp.
01:04:29Oh, I think it's broken.
01:04:31So wait.
01:04:33None of us cashed an RV card.
01:04:39Oh, Joanna, you're so sweet.
01:04:42So I was going to go grab some food.
01:04:44Can I go?
01:04:45No, thank you.
01:04:46I think I should finish up here.
01:04:49Did you ever find that guy you were looking for?
01:04:51No.
01:04:53I don't know.
01:04:54For some reason, I just realized he needs to be my first.
01:04:58Or something.
01:05:00Why, do you know him?
01:05:01Sort of.
01:05:02Oh.
01:05:03Well, hey, if you happen to run into him,
01:05:05tell him I'd like to see him again.
01:05:13Love him.
01:05:14Shut it.
01:05:15You want to do it with him?
01:05:16I don't want to hear it from you.
01:05:17You want to get married?
01:05:18You want to do it?
01:05:19Zip it.
01:05:20All right, all right.
01:05:28I'm sorry.
01:05:45Um, no.
01:05:47No way.
01:05:54Ugh.
01:05:58Ugh.
01:06:03Oh, well.
01:06:04There's always next year.
01:06:26It's you.
01:06:28I've been waiting for you, J.J.
01:06:33Joanna.
01:06:58Joanna!
01:06:59Joanna!
01:07:00Joanna!
01:07:01Joanna!
01:07:02Joanna!
01:07:03Joanna!
01:07:04Joanna!
01:07:05Joanna!
01:07:06Joanna!
01:07:07Joanna!
01:07:08Joanna!
01:07:09Joanna!
01:07:10Joanna!
01:07:11Joanna!
01:07:12Joanna!
01:07:13Joanna!
01:07:14Joanna!
01:07:15Joanna!
01:07:16Joanna!
01:07:17Joanna!
01:07:18Joanna!
01:07:19Joanna!
01:07:20Joanna!
01:07:21Joanna!
01:07:22Joanna!
01:07:23Joanna!
01:07:24Joanna!
01:07:25Joanna!
01:07:26Joanna!
01:07:27Joanna!
01:07:28Joanna!
01:07:29Joanna!
01:07:30Joanna!
01:07:31Joanna!
01:07:33Wow.
01:07:34That's amazing.
01:07:38Yeah, I didn't know I had it in me.
01:07:41I guess something inspired me.
01:07:44You really captured his expression and his eyes.
01:07:47Yeah, even that little cowlick he has in his hair.
01:07:52Who's?
01:07:53Eric's.
01:07:54It's him, right?
01:07:58Oh.
01:08:00Yeah.
01:08:02I have to go see him.
01:08:07Well, I think you know what we should do.
01:08:191-900-CONFESS.
01:08:23Sister Therese?
01:08:24Yeah, hun?
01:08:26There was a problem with your credit card.
01:08:28I just need the last three numbers in the back.
01:08:30Oh, sure.
01:08:32It's 2-7-1.
01:08:35Sister, I know this isn't a confession,
01:08:36but can I ask your opinion on something?
01:08:40Do you think if you do something bad
01:08:41that God will forgive you?
01:08:44Take you back?
01:08:45Sure, hun.
01:08:46Why not?
01:08:48As long as you're on the right path.
01:08:51Well, how do you know if you're on that path?
01:08:53I always look for some kind of sign from the universe.
01:08:57Something to let me know that it's all gonna be okay.
01:09:01Sister, can I get up now?
01:09:04I really gotta pee.
01:09:06No, hush your trap!
01:09:09Okay, honey, I really need to get back to work,
01:09:11but call back any time.
01:09:13I will.
01:09:15Thanks.
01:09:19Sister?
01:09:20Shut up, or I'll punish you hard, you cheap fucker!
01:09:22Ma!
01:09:38Eric, wait!
01:09:42Cheryl?
01:09:45Eric, look, I am so sorry about everything.
01:09:50I was trying to have revenge sex with you.
01:09:53At the beginning, but then at the end, I wasn't.
01:09:56I just didn't wanna do that with you.
01:09:59The revenge part, not the sex part.
01:10:03I do wanna go out with you.
01:10:07And I didn't realize that until this morning.
01:10:11I mean, you're a completely different guy than Jake is,
01:10:13and he's all over these pink hair.
01:10:14Eric!
01:10:16Come on, we gotta get going.
01:10:18Oh, wow.
01:10:20This is my sister, Tina.
01:10:22Tina, Cheryl.
01:10:25Hi, nice to meet you.
01:10:30So, do you mind if I call you in a few days,
01:10:34when I get back?
01:10:36Yeah, sure.
01:10:42Oh, sorry, no kissing, right?
01:10:45No kissing.
01:10:46Oh.
01:10:50Oh.
01:11:03Hey, did you ever get those flowers I sent you?
01:11:08I don't even care that you hooked up with Lexi.
01:11:10Wait, what?
01:11:11I never did that.
01:11:14I mean, you don't have to lie about it.
01:11:15She told me all about your pierced tongue.
01:11:21She must have me mixed up with someone else.
01:11:25I wonder who it was.
01:11:45At least this birthday's over.
01:11:51What?
01:11:58Dear Lord, please forgive me.
01:12:02I mean, if you could just, I don't know,
01:12:04like, send me a sign?
01:12:20Excuse me, excuse me, do you know where the church is?
01:12:39It's on Fountain Street.
01:12:40Yeah, that's the church I go to, or used to go to.
01:12:46It's straight up that way and then left.
01:12:50You're more than welcome to come with me if you'd like.
01:12:53Oh, um, I don't know.
01:12:56Well, that's pretty powerful.
01:13:03Oh, 250 horsepower, 225 pounds of torque.
01:13:11Like I said, you're more than welcome to hop on.
01:13:15I don't think so, but thanks.
01:13:17What's your name?
01:13:19Oh, what's yours?
01:13:21Jesus.
01:13:23Really?
01:13:24Si.
01:13:27Maybe I could use a ride.