Hattie

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00:00:00You

00:00:17This is the life

00:00:19Baby

00:00:32This is the life

00:00:49So

00:00:52Hello

00:00:56I'm not on set. I'm so sorry. I've had

00:01:01Do you think you could send a car for me?

00:01:06My driver seems to have

00:01:12Gone

00:01:17Thank you so much

00:01:1921

00:01:22And wait a smile

00:01:25When you

00:01:27And

00:01:57That isn't yardly

00:02:04Great isn't what it smells like

00:02:18Yeah, I rather think I do you are sacked as my assistant again

00:02:23Oh

00:02:26No more than usual

00:02:29Right first to the top is Emperor of the world

00:02:43Don't worry

00:02:46Oh, we're a bird down dear tragedy, but turkey test if you don't

00:02:56Is there enough to think boys say yes to reassure me

00:03:04Loaves and fishes love loaves and fishes

00:03:16The answer

00:03:22Carrots done. We await your command

00:03:27And that's what's reset ready Eddie go flow

00:03:32I'm a late

00:03:34Little bit drunk yet

00:03:36Sweetheart take Joanie's coat upstairs. Thank you

00:03:40Do you want a hand?

00:03:42Oh

00:03:46Any more slosh ah

00:03:49John the measurer my husband

00:03:52Open of course you've met haven't you? It's Geron isn't it charming name? I'd love it to have you here and Merry Christmas

00:04:00Thank you, oh very kind of you are they getting restless joy to tell one of my queasy making stories

00:04:07We're ready

00:04:09How I could imagine I choose to save my life I

00:04:14Know he's dear isn't he?

00:04:23Merry Christmas one

00:04:30She's single and you can talk to her about anything. Oh

00:04:36You all look so

00:04:39I

00:04:41Like to propose a toast to dear Hattie

00:04:47The Christmas fairy

00:04:49Oh

00:05:07No photos oh

00:05:11I say how's the harvest luckily? I'm not planning on having any more children

00:05:1999% for arms at the Dean sisters Academy of ballet and theatrical dance. Oh you are robbed

00:05:26Are you ready? Oh? Yes right take it away?

00:05:49Oh

00:06:19John

00:06:36John

00:06:49Oh

00:07:07Bruce are you awake?

00:07:15I'm entertaining

00:07:19Typical babysitter

00:07:21He's hiding under the bed afraid of the police

00:07:24right

00:07:26Well, I'll leave you to it then

00:07:49Oh

00:07:58You awake chicken you want to get up with mommy have a naughty late night

00:08:19I

00:08:31You're right, I'm fine

00:08:37What's the matter nothing it's one of those days silly really

00:08:49I

00:08:51The flying winch broke I was left sort of dangling above the stage no

00:09:01Humiliating oh you poor thing tending to be a

00:09:04stupid great fairy

00:09:06You're a fine actress Hattie. You don't have to do this rubbish. I know my casting John. I'm the silly frigid fat girl

00:09:13You're the nation's favorite silly frigid back

00:09:16Oh

00:09:17There was a call for you um something about leukemia. I'm not quite sure what there's a do they want me to be guest of honor

00:09:28Sorry

00:09:30Just being a drama queen

00:09:34Do you need to do lines

00:09:37Like to help if I can you know I can't manage them without you

00:09:42It's a job scene mm-hmm. I'll be Sid

00:09:46ha

00:09:48You don't believe me anyway, of course I believe you Charlie. You're not clever enough to think up an excuse that good

00:09:53I'm only saying I'm sorry

00:09:55Unreasonable of me to sit around here moping expecting you to take me out once a year Charlie blimey

00:10:00I wouldn't say you've been unreasonable pig, but you don't have to worry about me now Charlie

00:10:03I'm going to get a job amazingly you've put in another couple of Charlies. She only says it'll be other fucking life

00:10:10Get a job

00:10:13What can you do we'll have to see won't we Charlie

00:10:25My star has plummeted the public have deserted. I don't know how I did that

00:10:30I've been running these fundraisers for years, and I have never ever easy mistake done. I'm organized

00:10:35I was in the pay call

00:10:37Everybody's misread March, but he

00:10:40You've taken it never such good power. I'd be livid

00:10:43That's because I'm a much nicer person than you Ron

00:10:47I've had to find a local volunteer to drive you home

00:10:50I'm sorry again. I'm mortified miss Jake's is he sober. I'm fairly sure he is

00:10:59That's him John Schofield

00:11:01I

00:11:05Better lock up. I'll see you next month. Yes, bye Rowan

00:11:14Let me guess

00:11:16Ron's fault

00:11:18Luckily he's only a fundraiser for leukemia. He's not actually responsible for finding a cure. I'm John I

00:11:26Know you are everybody does

00:11:29Are you all right here or

00:11:32You need to sit in the back like the Queen

00:11:35I'd need six months notice to squeeze my behind in there

00:11:43It was fascination

00:11:50You're not a getaway driver are you do all sorts sometimes these deliveries for dealers

00:11:57That's why I'm in this it's not yours

00:12:07So it's Jake's

00:12:10Why do you put yourself there?

00:12:13So thank you for how you did it when you were getting in the car

00:12:17I've seen you do on the box. I'm doing very well. Thank you. You are driving me. You don't need to do it

00:12:25You're

00:12:27Anyone can see you're lovely a

00:12:30Proper lovely person. Oh good, and you're beautiful. I've got a nice face. You're beautiful

00:12:41Sorry

00:12:44But I was like being well known

00:12:47Pain in the backside, I'm guessing cheeky sods like me tell you stuff you don't know where there are compensations

00:12:53People are mostly very kind

00:12:57And I get to do evenings like this charity, yes

00:13:02What do you bother?

00:13:04Because I want to I want to give something back

00:13:09All right, I do it for purely selfish reasons. I'm completely selfish happy. It's not what I would say

00:13:15Well, why do you do it then driving a complete stranger home at such short notice? What's in it for you?

00:13:23My boy leukemia, oh

00:13:29Christ I'm so sorry

00:13:34When how is he now?

00:13:41He died

00:13:45John I'm so sorry

00:13:49That is

00:13:52That's terrible and so wrong and

00:13:58You poor poor man

00:14:03I'm sorry. I've got to of course you

00:14:05Yeah

00:14:20What does his name

00:14:23John

00:14:26Little John

00:14:29He was four

00:14:33When did he die

00:14:36I

00:14:39Nearly a year ago. I

00:14:42Haven't

00:14:44No, I haven't dealt with it well who would

00:14:49No, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything don't be it doesn't help anything

00:14:56I'm so sorry for the brief and scheduled stop. I

00:15:01Shall now get you home. Yes

00:15:04Take me home, please

00:15:21Well, it was lovely to meet you John, thank you very much

00:15:33I

00:15:46Perfectly fine from here. Thank you

00:15:54I kiss you bassination

00:16:03To

00:16:34I

00:16:36Mixed up over dates

00:16:41You know

00:16:43I've just met the most extraordinary man. Have you he drove me back?

00:16:50His son died of leukemia

00:16:53dear and

00:16:55he um

00:16:57Why is he extraordinary?

00:16:59I

00:17:05Suppose I just felt sorry for him what he'd been through

00:17:11Drink

00:17:13I'm going to bed. It's barely nine. Is it shattered?

00:17:19He's bruising

00:17:29Oh

00:17:44You fade but I have a true love of the dogs. Hmm

00:17:52What's going on

00:17:56Tell me to grow up

00:17:59You are grown-up

00:18:01Tell me to be more grown-up Hattie

00:18:08No, no

00:18:11Oh

00:18:23So we're cutting the other lines, yes, it's just the way starting our business set up seen anyway

00:18:28But all we're left with is a load of leering. I mean Esme hasn't even got a lot. Oh, she's full of herself today

00:18:34Don't be the shop steward on my account. I'm perfectly happy scuttling

00:18:38Okay, you're the boss thank you for reminding everyone how to yes, I am on tight positions everyone

00:18:49And away we go action right may I see your legs, please

00:18:58You've got the job next please

00:19:08You've got the job cut great. Let's go again big close-up on the bust. How's all mine?

00:19:26Hey there you with the stars in your

00:19:38Sorts of delicious things and carry on cabbing every day except Tuesday when I'm doing sites and Friday when I'm in the shop

00:19:46Wednesday evening

00:19:48spastics Thursday

00:19:50radio recording

00:19:54And tonight

00:19:56Tonight is leukemia. Haven't you already done that? They got the wrong date darling. Oh la la big guns as well

00:20:05Is that a compliment I hear?

00:20:07Well, you do look very lovely day. Well, thank you. My darling boys

00:20:13That'll be your driver

00:20:20Just a tick

00:20:24Eve does mistakes

00:20:27Red

00:20:29How are you but down if I'm honest, of course you are

00:20:34You'll have to tell me all about it on the journey definitely will mistake

00:20:52And away we go

00:21:04I

00:21:11Want you to get out there and grab all the business from under their smug male noses

00:21:17I don't care how you do it within reason

00:21:21Just get the fares in your cab

00:21:26In the back of the cab dear with you in the front

00:21:30Any questions

00:21:32Suppose if we have a male passenger and he tries to start something then use this

00:21:36What's that a starting handle and there's nothing better for stopping something?

00:21:43right

00:21:44any of your cabs girls

00:21:47Well

00:21:49Here goes flow. I

00:21:52Hope I'm doing the right thing. Can't you great, but we haven't finished yet girl. This thing goes on

00:21:57There's no point doing the whole scene without the rest of the cars darling, come on

00:22:02There's other things we can shoot while we're waiting for them

00:22:07It's nice to have a job where I keep my top on even in this weather jobs with clothes can't be knocked dear

00:22:13Would it be nice to have had a line though? I wonder why he dropped me from that scene

00:22:18Fewer the lines the better. Isn't that right? Esma? Don't start is all right for you. I'm only teasing. Are you serious?

00:22:25Yes, I am. I'm sick of this fatty old lady shit. I'm sick of learning lines

00:22:29And I'm sick of resenting too few lines the digs are directors. The auditions are waiting

00:22:35I'd imagine the fucking public. I won't have a word said against the fucking things. I'm joking

00:22:41This is the last job for me. I've had it

00:22:43I

00:22:54I'm sorry to

00:22:56Mind if I don't join you

00:22:59But he was coming

00:23:01It's charity work

00:23:04So I'll go through some dates. Oh

00:23:07We'll manage without you somehow mother superior

00:23:10He's a bit of all right I did charity work if they were all like that

00:23:17You don't believe it do you you're the only one with a touch of strumpet in the house

00:23:32You're surprisingly easy to find I'm very difficult to me

00:23:36I

00:23:38Can you stop doing that as a favor to me why would I do you any favors?

00:23:46You know

00:23:47I'm not really used to chasing women

00:23:50I'm not being big-headed. I

00:23:53Just don't have to

00:23:56So this is me being chased is it no

00:24:03This is you being hunted

00:24:07In the middle

00:24:13I'm on your trail

00:24:17It don't

00:24:22In the middle of the key

00:24:31You

00:24:36In the middle

00:24:50Thought I had you noisy eyes as you're asking

00:24:57Thanks

00:25:00I

00:25:01Offered me the part

00:25:03Congratulations

00:25:04That's lovely. I knew they would be strong

00:25:08Say no

00:25:09If you do another prissy buttoned up little Clark, you'll be playing until you die

00:25:16It's good money. We've got plenty of money. I think

00:25:20Enough for you to say no. Yeah

00:25:24Yes, maybe you're right

00:25:26We

00:25:29Spend too much time apart as it is at least the carry-ons are local

00:25:35Let's only do work when it's worth it

00:25:38It's nothing else in the pipeline

00:25:40Good to feel scared bit shaky. That's what you signed up for

00:25:48I was filming

00:25:52I've had an unusual day

00:25:57Really?

00:25:59Yes, that's what's so wonderful about filming isn't it really is different every day

00:26:07Thank you for your advice as always you really are so very wise

00:26:26Are you coming out

00:26:29I'm waiting. Why did you buy me underwear? I

00:26:36Like taking it off. I'm surprised you found any my size

00:26:44Show me

00:26:57I don't act just stand

00:27:03Stand just

00:27:06Just stand

00:27:08I

00:27:23Like to take that off

00:27:25In the middle

00:27:36It's an interesting sort of life

00:27:39Perfumers having an interesting life dirty bugger. I

00:27:44Imagine being an actor might be fun. These are souls see a woman can do one thing. That's all she ever does. I

00:27:52Quite like this part when you're not a hospital Harry didn't and I'm not bonkers hardly stretching us are they

00:27:59You'll always work you

00:28:01Get some Bob's I shall miss it you would I'm never gonna stop

00:28:06Well, you won't have to people like you they like you stop it. I mean people you have a public I haven't

00:28:13They'll stick with you to

00:28:15This shit balls. They're up like this dick

00:28:18You British never forgive people who like a lot of sex

00:28:28I'll treasure that. Thank you

00:28:48Oh

00:29:15Yes, your friend is here

00:29:17He's with the boys in the garden what friend a chap from the charity

00:29:22John I

00:29:24Really should remember that name shouldn't I? Yeah, it's a lovely chap

00:29:39No

00:29:41The ref course I am Robbie. Oh, this is refuse. Oh this I am get in girl

00:29:51Those girls are far too small

00:30:05Robin go and help Kimbo. Yeah, go help you

00:30:07What are you doing I came about that important thing

00:30:15And ice lads, yes, thank you blokes. All right, too. I know

00:30:21So I've left my wife

00:30:27Did she say

00:30:29No, don't tell me

00:30:31Did you mention me? No, it's not neat

00:30:34It's dead in the water. She knew it

00:30:38We're not fleeing

00:30:40You're the most

00:30:43beautiful

00:30:45Sexy funny

00:30:48Brilliant

00:30:50I want to touch you all the time

00:30:53You think I've got such a low opinion of myself that telling me I'm beautiful is going to make me throw my life away

00:30:59Yes

00:31:00Yes

00:31:03I know this is

00:31:05I

00:31:07Can't face the scandal. I

00:31:10Thought you might appreciate a little support

00:31:13You're a gent John

00:31:18Shouldn't you be going home now John cheers I would if I had one

00:31:22Staying out mates wife's kicked us out. You must stay here

00:31:27There's always somebody on the sofa. I insist that's uh

00:31:31Thanks, yeah, I really should say yes they do it's all right, isn't it Addy

00:31:41But I won't the rain sustainer mates I don't upset

00:32:00Oh

00:32:10Let's try it again without the line

00:32:15Please hurry up. I meant to be on set in two minutes

00:32:25Now it's the party

00:32:27Chief is the film

00:32:29Jolly enough apart from the vows not to do another one

00:32:34It's good to know they're there if you need them

00:32:36They'll go on as long as they make a few quid I expect

00:32:40Did you get the note no Bruce is moving out oh

00:32:46No, he's going to live with Clive

00:32:50House will feel so empty

00:32:52Yeah

00:32:53I'd be quite nice to have the place to ourselves for a while. Do you think?

00:32:57We always have a lodger so much more lively

00:33:03What about John

00:33:05Who lovely John Schofield you asked him before I had the wife trouble chappy. Yes, it is him awfully nice

00:33:13Then again, but

00:33:17Nothing it's just do you think he'd fit here

00:33:21They're a doddle to live with

00:33:23And it might be good to have someone around for when you're filming yes, I'm not quite useful. Oh, I don't know

00:33:30No, just just us perhaps we should think about it. Yes

00:33:38Well, maybe you could have a trial period

00:33:45I'm sure Hattie would like to have been here. She really is awfully busy

00:33:53Yeah

00:33:59As you can see everything's here I think

00:34:02Do you have to get up early?

00:34:04Sometimes what is it you do? I'm an entrepreneur

00:34:08hmm

00:34:10Businessman hey, well, I'll leave you to settle in I have to go out now. So do you make yourself at home?

00:34:23I

00:34:35Want a little sweetness down in my soul I could stand some love

00:34:44So bad

00:34:47I feel so funny. I feel so sad

00:34:56I want a little steam on my clothes

00:35:04Hello

00:35:05Who you?

00:35:07I'm John

00:35:09I'm moving in Bruce. I'm moving out. Ah

00:35:12Ah

00:35:14Just learning my way around Bruce you look like someone who knows his way around already John

00:35:22I

00:35:38Can't avoid being caught I that's the first place

00:35:52Stop what should we cook? I really wouldn't know how to cook

00:36:07Well, hello charming gentleman

00:36:11My my my and before you chain me to one of my many cookers darling

00:36:17I

00:36:19Hello John

00:36:21Welcome to one. I hope yes

00:36:25welcome to 67 and

00:36:28Now you must excuse me. I have work to do

00:36:31soufflés to construct

00:36:47Ah

00:36:51Top up nice mate

00:37:17Why are you sitting there? I don't care where I sit

00:37:47I

00:38:10Game of cards anyone

00:38:17Spoke to Howard today

00:38:19Still hasn't found anyone for that con man. So I suggested you that's very sweet of you

00:38:24We didn't have to suggest me for every part. You know, I don't I

00:38:28Only suggest you for the ones you'd be good at which is a lot. Thank you

00:38:36Do you think it's going to work out

00:38:39John hmm

00:38:41It was a bit spare of the

00:38:44What do you think

00:38:45He's a nice shot of energy that's got to be good for a home hasn't it? Yeah. Oh, yes. Yeah

00:38:51But it's not seamless though. Is it he's good for the boys

00:38:55Yeah, I suppose it might be. Oh

00:38:59I don't know. It might be a mistake. We said we'd see if you want him to go then

00:39:08Trial period new force bit of a

00:39:12little that

00:39:16Good night, honey

00:39:20Night

00:39:45I

00:40:15I

00:40:45I

00:41:15I

00:41:32You're gonna be late

00:41:35By mom hi darling. Wow. Bye dad

00:41:46You

00:41:56Two eggs John hmm

00:42:01Yeah, no you might have to develop a system so many John

00:42:10And take us for Johnny

00:42:16Well, we could always have exactly the same thing

00:42:19Do you think we have the same taste?

00:42:21It's not things like what?

00:42:27Eggs

00:42:31There is that

00:42:39I won't hurt him or the boys

00:42:43I can't keep having sex above his head. Very good. Very good. Exceptionally good sex

00:42:52Tell him it's run his course

00:42:57Couldn't face life without him. Sorry

00:43:02And I want the boys to need him they prefer me

00:43:07He's theirs and he's my husband

00:43:11It's very dear very dear

00:43:23Thank you, thank you

00:43:29Cheers my dear

00:43:40Much gin horse strength. He always does something wrong so that he won't be asked to do it again. Does that work pretty much?

00:43:51When he was quite young he realized he'd have an easier life if he pretended to know fuck all about it

00:44:08Are you sleeping with him?

00:44:10Is it obvious?

00:44:12You haven't tried to pair me off with him

00:44:14And Bruce dropped to him. No naughty boy

00:44:18Does John know doesn't really notice things like that. He's pretty hard

00:44:26Oh

00:44:28Terrible mistake moving him in I thought it would contain things stop the press from sticking their noses in

00:44:37It's just mess ahead

00:44:39Time to sling it up boom

00:44:42near Lado

00:44:44Come clean to your old man

00:44:46It's only a bit of sex

00:44:48marriages survive

00:44:50John's had lapses we both have

00:44:53This is

00:44:55Utterly different. I know this was a dish but so's John

00:45:00He's charming

00:45:02It's got lovely legs

00:45:04And you both in the biz to you get caught having it off with some bloke ten years younger than you moving him in

00:45:10They'll crucify me. I know

00:45:15It's not that I don't care I have to work I have to but

00:45:24Him

00:45:26Me you could have anyone you want it makes me reckless

00:45:32Everything else is irrelevant my work my marriage how I look

00:45:35I don't want to give him up

00:45:57Anyone for a topper

00:46:05If you

00:46:13Steal him away from you

00:46:16Oh

00:46:32John no, what are you doing up? Did I wake you would you like a glass?

00:46:37Let's go back to bed

00:46:39Hmm, let's go back to bed

00:46:44I

00:47:07Have a really wonderful time

00:47:09They're lucky to have you

00:47:11Week seems to be a long time to be away for just a cough and a spit

00:47:15You'll make it more I'm single name and they realize how witty you are. Thank you. I'll ring you

00:47:28Can't stand longer boys your trial period starts now. What do you want to do first?

00:47:41I

00:47:46Turned sorry

00:47:58This is it girl, let's sort this now

00:48:12I

00:48:20Forgot my book I wasn't trying to of course you weren't Oh

00:48:27John I apologize that must have been utterly miserable for you a terrible shock. He's no fucking good. You know, he's going to hurt you

00:48:34That's not your concern. I know what a remarkable woman you are. I don't think he does

00:48:39Thing I wouldn't do this to you for someone who didn't love me I

00:48:48Wanted to tell you I just couldn't find them

00:48:54I've been such a coward. I do understand that

00:49:02The boys

00:49:04Our family friends our work we're Patty and John we fit rather well I

00:49:13Thought we did we did we do I haven't stopped loving you

00:49:23You're pausing

00:49:29Made a hash, haven't I? I

00:49:31I

00:49:33Don't want to leave you I can't imagine not being your husband, please don't go I

00:49:40Don't want you to go I

00:49:45Want you to stay

00:49:51Thank you, I'll stay

00:50:02I obviously I'm going now

00:50:16Let me fetch your book

00:50:24Well, I've got his book and

00:50:28He doesn't want to leave oh

00:50:32Can't he read the sign I want you to leave either. Well, what why?

00:50:40Because I'm married to him

00:50:45If I threw him away I could do the same to you and I won't do it

00:50:49He's a lovely clever man

00:50:52A lovely clever man. I

00:50:57Want to look after him

00:51:00Stay with him for now anyway

00:51:04All right, let me have a word

00:51:06I

00:51:21Might prick

00:51:23That's really not for me to say you treat me like one

00:51:27Sorry, please explain. I don't understand what you're talking about. Why won't you move out?

00:51:32Because this is my home and my wife and family live here and so does your wife's lover

00:51:38Where your balls?

00:51:40Well, they're not in my brain

00:51:42Now I know you're looking for some kind of a fight, but I really think it should be incredibly vulgar, don't you?

00:51:48We're clearly going to be living in the same house. So you may as well try to rub along. Don't you?

00:51:52Oh never understand posh people

00:51:55Is this normal for you?

00:51:57I'd really would like to know how it ends

00:52:07You're not the first you know, I've weathered the storm before now if you don't mind I have a horror of being late

00:52:15If you don't mind I have a horror of being late

00:52:26Nothing's changed. Yes, it has he knows now he knew anyway

00:52:33Let's try and live with it. Look so as bad as him

00:52:38I wondered what you saw in him

00:52:40I know now

00:52:42You're the bloody sign

00:52:45John, please

00:52:58While i'm far away from you, my baby

00:53:04I know it's hard for you, my baby

00:53:09Me

00:53:24No, i'm afraid he's away filming at the moment, can I take a minute?

00:53:29Hello

00:53:39I

00:53:44Am not turning my life upside down for some bolter some idiot who runs away at the first

00:53:55How could you do that I didn't leave you apparently I can't

00:54:09Have you been stay down mates, I need to clear my brain

00:54:18I love you

00:54:21I accept the situation john can stay

00:54:32I'll be your little secret kept inside out of sight

00:54:39But

00:54:41I've got one condition

00:55:04You ever think i've moved everything it's yours

00:55:07If I haven't

00:55:10Banging the floor

00:55:15I'll let you sit

00:55:36I

00:55:45Was filming it's good enough

00:55:54This is going to work, isn't it

00:55:58If we all try jolly hard I really wanted to

00:56:04So do I

00:56:07John is upstairs

00:56:22All right, boys start again pass it to me, okay, here we go

00:56:26one carrot

00:56:28Eric's written a lovely script very funny. Oh good. I'd like to read it four carrots. So what is this game?

00:56:36It's carrots

00:56:40Now you say five carrots five carrot

00:56:46Five carrots a rod. Yeah pass it. Yeah

00:56:55I don't think i'm a natural carrot player

00:56:58I don't know. I thought you did pretty well. I start again. All right

00:57:03one carrot

00:57:05Two carats three carats four carat five carats six carat

00:57:12I hate seeing him so unhappy. He's too vague to be unhappy. Well, that's no help

00:57:20He seems same as usual

00:57:22What do you want me to say? I want you to say everything's going to be all right. I'm fine with it

00:57:28Myself, but

00:57:29It is a bit perverted, isn't it?

00:57:32Three of us in the same house

00:57:35It's practical. I like him

00:57:38I don't want to see him with an ussy face, but

00:57:42I want him to go

00:57:46At some distant point in the future

00:57:49Yeah

00:57:57Everything's gonna be all right. Stop it. No, no, no serious now. Look at me. Look at me. I'm serious

00:58:05Everything everything

00:58:08Is gonna be all right

00:58:20So

00:58:31You've been acting different i've been told

00:58:49My

00:59:20Oh

00:59:22Oh

00:59:49Morning how did you sleep?

00:59:52Like a child

00:59:58Morning darling

01:00:02What's up with you sulky pants, uh, nothing throws him he's all right, aren't you old chap just pretending to be grumpy are you

01:00:12Robin

01:00:15No, he's fine there's nothing i'm sure

01:00:22Oh

01:00:27Oh eric, don't upset yourself have supper go along well

01:00:32We're as good as he is. I'll tell you that ask auntie edith for my defense medal. Oh eric

01:00:40Tiddles, where are you?

01:00:43Come on tiddles

01:00:47Eric is tiddles in there with you

01:00:50No

01:00:51We're having soup

01:00:54Why don't you do it keep your hand? Oh, you're good keep at it

01:00:58Well, it is my bag as it were it's fine

01:01:03Carry on john

01:01:06That cat has to go

01:01:09Oh, but eric is only a kitten

01:01:12I'm, sorry hat. It's too much tomorrow

01:01:16I'm going to find a good home for him

01:01:19But he's got a good home here in that case i'll find a good home for me

01:01:28Oh eric

01:01:32It's good

01:01:49So

01:01:59There's nowhere else i'd rather be

01:02:10Good

01:02:19So

01:02:21Dinner's ready

01:02:27It's my responsibility

01:02:29It's my fault. He seems the same to me you cheer him up

01:02:33Can't you take him out to a jazz club or something? He doesn't seem unhappy

01:02:39Caught him looking at wedding photos the other day. Is that proof of mortal despair? It's very unjoined

01:02:45Oh

01:02:48He goes out i won't say where

01:02:51drinking too much

01:02:54I saw him in the phone box the other day. I mean, what can you ring from home?

01:02:57Sounds like he's got a woman. Well, he can ring her from here

01:03:01I'd like him to have one of those

01:03:04And she'd be very lucky

01:03:06He's worth having he really is

01:03:16Thank you, darling that was delicious it's a pleasure

01:03:21Are you going jane? Yes

01:03:23It's wonderful to see you again

01:03:26Have you had a lovely evening? Of course. How could I not with hat?

01:03:31Well, I hope to see you again soon yes, so do I

01:03:45Oh

01:03:57Why is john coming it's only a sex I don't know

01:04:05Why are you coming? Oh, I haven't seen eric for I just thought I would you might

01:04:11Are you driving as long as you both sit in the back and I get to wear a cap

01:04:23You're late I have never been late for work in my life young man, come on

01:04:29What's that man

01:04:31What the big stupid face?

01:04:34Hello, eric. Hello hattie

01:04:36How are you?

01:04:38Let's have some light may we

01:04:44We have a big surprise because tonight

01:04:48patty jakes

01:04:49This is your life

01:04:51You're kidding. Of course. I'm not kidding. Of course hidden away here tonight are all sorts of lovely surprises. You come with me

01:05:00Now there's nothing to worry about walk this way. Oh, amen, they don't come duller than me

01:05:06Right, you knew about this

01:05:15Why didn't you tell me well, it's not as if you can appear is it so what do I do?

01:05:20I'm, sure we can find you a dressing room or something to wait in

01:05:23Just remember it's a shame

01:05:26a big pile of poncy

01:05:30Shelby's shite

01:05:32I'm a man john I am

01:05:35Me

01:05:37Yes. Well, this is hattie's working world

01:05:40It means an awful lot to her and i'm sure she'd appreciate it greatly if you didn't make a scene

01:05:44Hello boys now. We've got to hide from mummy. So quick. Follow me

01:06:05So

01:06:15Good evening, and thank you

01:06:17Our program this evening comes from the bbc television theater in london

01:06:22Now a half an hour ago the foyer to this theater was empty

01:06:26But we knew that two famous stars were going to walk through this theater on their way to a recording

01:06:32Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you the incomparable the wonderful hattie jakes

01:06:38Yes

01:07:00A rather shaken hattie jakes I might tell you

01:07:03Thank you

01:07:04And here to start our story one of the most eminent names in show business

01:07:09Star of the small screen who plays hattie's identical twin brother eric sykes

01:07:21Who's your friend

01:07:28Thank you

01:07:30Your divisional director in the red cross society who's here again to see you tonight miss vivian caplo

01:07:41Celebrated actor and chairman of the players theater. Mr. Leonard sacks

01:07:46Yes

01:07:57You left a deep impression on a young actress playing opposite you shirley eaton

01:08:08Founder of london's mermaid theater bernard miles

01:08:12You

01:08:14And in that year 1950 you married well-known actor john lemesire

01:08:36So there's never a dull moment with hattie no there isn't really

01:08:41I would though I

01:08:43I would like to say that

01:08:46I'm eternally grateful for the way she runs the home

01:08:51Looks after the children

01:08:54Looks after me

01:08:57Home comes first, I think I write and say

01:09:02But for someone who's so very busy all the time and so very much in the public eye all the time

01:09:11To do these things is very difficult

01:09:16And a jolly neat trick

01:09:20Thank you, john

01:09:22Me

01:09:41A jolly neat

01:09:44Trick

01:09:47A jolly neat trick you shut up john. You're beginning to be a bore john

01:09:52me

01:09:53that was oh, I felt such a fraud such a

01:09:58I can't

01:10:00Oh, it was ghastly. I did suspect you wouldn't like it, but I thought you wouldn't want to miss it if you see what I mean

01:10:09Did you know about it no

01:10:13There is no other woman is there

01:10:15Sorry, all these secret phone calls. It's all been to do with this, isn't it? Yes

01:10:20I'd rather hoped you'd fallen in love

01:10:25There is no one else

01:10:29John what are we gonna do with you? I don't suspect you have to do anything

01:10:36Come on let's go and get a drink

01:10:50Whoa

01:10:58This is ready

01:11:01So good

01:11:18Come on

01:11:28As they'll ever be

01:11:31All right, let's go super joe

01:11:36Oh, it's so lovely to see you all make room for joanie

01:11:43What the kitchen skibby's allowed to eat with us

01:11:47She is so much more than that. Thanks her

01:11:51In fact, if this is nasty, then it's all her fault

01:11:55I'll despise what she says

01:11:58the cook

01:12:00Oh bless you all

01:12:04Now tuck in and be jolly

01:12:20Sweet dreams

01:12:23And you waited all night to find that out well, it seemed rude to ask her to unveil any earlier but

01:12:29You don't expect a mustache, do you?

01:12:33Adventures in greece. Yes. He's impossible. Yes. He is. No, I would have thought I was eminently possible

01:12:44Oh, I should go oh no don't stay no, it's late i'll show you that

01:12:52Bye lovely joan. Thank you. I'll see you soon

01:12:56Thank you

01:12:58Well, goodbye james, bye joan

01:13:02Thank you

01:13:07That went well, you should grab that one really do you think so

01:13:11You'll never meet anyone as perfect for you

01:13:14I thought I had grab her

01:13:17Well, I wouldn't know how to go about it

01:13:19Oh, let's make a plan then. No, no, no, you don't have to please. Come on sit down. Oh

01:13:26I'll write it down and you follow my instructions. This is completely unnecessary

01:13:32First step number one

01:13:36Feed her up. I'll pencil that in at five or six shall I?

01:13:40Number one is invite her to dinner. Oh just like that. Yes

01:13:45In fact, number one is ring her up

01:13:49Number two is invite her out to dinner during conversation

01:13:52Well, what should we talk about just be charming you can do that without my writing it down

01:13:57I can't do anything without you

01:14:05Did you walk jennifer to her car yeah, i'll see you in bed

01:14:15Number three buy her a huge bunch of flowers

01:14:22Where was she parked he throw don't start

01:14:28What was I supposed to think they're starting

01:14:36This is such a bird's room

01:14:40There's a man here now, we should redecorate

01:14:46Whatever you want

01:14:52We'd never be mates me and you

01:14:59It's all or nothing

01:15:02That scares me

01:15:22So

01:15:28Uh, you don't have to knock

01:15:32Well, um, I thought you might like to know the plan worked

01:15:37And you won't believe this but

01:15:40I've made a decision

01:15:44That's marvelous news i'm so pleased for both of you joan has found me a place

01:15:52Yeah

01:15:55Calls for a drink

01:16:13So who's gonna bet first i'm batting first i've got the bat boys boys come and sit down

01:16:22So

01:16:26Uh, we've got something to tell you we're going to have to ask you both to be very grown up

01:16:37Mommy and daddy are going to get a divorce

01:16:44You know what that is, don't you

01:16:47Yeah

01:16:51Daddy's going to move out into a flat of his own. It's very near only two tube stops

01:16:58Will john still live here

01:17:03Yes

01:17:10I've got you both pet knives

01:17:17So

01:17:19I thought you're such big boys now, you know how to treat them carefully

01:17:25Don't you love each other anymore? Oh, yes always

01:17:32Very very much

01:17:35So

01:17:44There's a wine merchant and they do deliveries and he can eat here some nights and i'll cook too

01:17:50You won't starve or be lonely

01:17:54You do worry about him

01:17:56I know

01:17:57You don't have to

01:17:59Your job now, no, I didn't mean that I meant there's nothing to worry about everything will be fine

01:18:06Will you be

01:18:09I'm ready

01:18:11And someone will employ me eventually

01:18:14I hope

01:18:17Boys want to say good night

01:18:21It's what I want the public will no doubt despise me but it is what I want

01:18:29Thank you

01:18:39All right fuck off

01:18:49On the count of monty cristo

01:18:53The secret hidden in the castle

01:18:56Don't worry I haven't read it

01:18:59You're not a bit of rough

01:19:01This was going to look like the divorce call

01:19:03Yes

01:19:05You'll be all right though, won't you?

01:19:07Why wouldn't I be?

01:19:09I'm eric sykes's sister. I don't have sex

01:19:18When the divorce is filed

01:19:20I'll be the adulterer and you'll be the fancy man

01:19:24They'll never forgive me and they'll hate you

01:19:28I'll be hated for you

01:19:32I'll be mr. Jake's i'll be anything

01:19:38I'm your man

01:19:41Yes, you are my man

01:19:53So

01:20:03So, what do you think

01:20:09I don't know what to say just say yes

01:20:14You'll be the scarlet woman only to the press to the court i'll be the guilty party

01:20:21I wanted to be the scarlet woman

01:20:26No one need ever know about you and john

01:20:29So

01:20:32Generous of you actually it was the solicitor's idea

01:20:37What do you think it's your decision yes you decide

01:20:50I've been through this sort of thing for quite some time

01:21:10That went rather well, don't you think?

01:21:12Yeah

01:21:14It's a good divorce

01:21:16I heard one reporter say course she had to be a thin bird

01:21:20Yeah

01:21:24Joan stop it

01:21:28I'm eternally grateful

01:21:31It's official

01:21:33I steal husbands

01:21:35Typical thin bird

01:21:41Our home is your home

01:21:44Really I want to see you both all the time

01:21:48I love you both so much

01:21:57Oh, they're still out there we'll go first

01:22:00So

01:22:15Thank you whatever for

01:22:20For ending our lovely marriage so beautifully

01:22:27Goodbye my love

01:22:31Bye

01:22:36I'll see you soon. Eddie

01:22:52I don't feel like I deserve this but maybe you don't

01:23:00I suppose I should go first

01:23:05I'll get the car

01:23:30Foreign

01:24:01So

01:24:25Your baby loves you now

01:24:28So don't make him blue now

01:24:33You'd better start being true now i'm telling you why because

01:24:41If you break his heart

01:24:44Somebody's gonna come along and he'll steal him away from you

01:24:52Somebody like me

01:24:57You

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