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00:00:00You
00:00:30Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey
00:01:00One, two, three, four
00:01:10Yeah, yeah, yeah
00:01:12Yeah, yeah, yeah
00:01:30You're watching the Diamond Zone, America's top adult network, up next.
00:01:59Hey, hey! It's Diamond Jim here, ready to rock your world.
00:02:04Lock the door, throw the tarp on the couch, and get ready. It's time for the Diamond Jim Marathon.
00:02:10Woo!
00:02:12It's a scrapbook of some of my hottest hits, including Cheerleader Debutants 3, Gettin' Wet, Debutant Nurses 9, Missionary, Impossible, and of course, Candy Straper Cutie 14, You've Got Tail.
00:02:27So join all your favorite stars, including Autumn Bliss.
00:02:31Give me a T. Give me an A.
00:02:35Daphne Cheeks.
00:02:37I'm so wet.
00:02:39Suzy Diablo.
00:02:41Submit.
00:02:42And of course, the hottest piece of ass known to mankind, Mammy.
00:02:46I'm all yours.
00:02:48But wait, there's more. Start dialing that phone.
00:02:51Because one of you lucky bastards could take the next winner of one of these bitchin' prizes.
00:02:57How about a leather Marco Lounder, treated with two-stain guard for wipe-away ease?
00:03:02Or a 86 Fiera.
00:03:04Come on.
00:03:05With a clean saline racing package and bumper bra.
00:03:09Come on.
00:03:10And the granddaddy of them all, the vintage Diamond Jim Porn Booth.
00:03:15Signed by me, Diamond Jim.
00:03:17All your dreams come true right here.
00:03:20Hello?
00:03:22Awesome.
00:03:24Uh, meet Lester Watts.
00:03:26W-A-T-T-S.
00:03:29Uh, I'm a boxer's man.
00:03:31Average size, probably, you know, five and seven-eighths inches.
00:03:34But it's really wide.
00:03:36Devastating girth.
00:03:38Last night, or in this morning, and like 20 minutes ago at lunch.
00:03:41And a pack of smokes?
00:03:43If I had to choose, uh, probably nipple clamps over strap-on.
00:03:50Dad?
00:03:53What else do I like?
00:03:56Fuckin' sixth graders!
00:04:00No, no, no, no, that's not what I meant.
00:04:02Hello?
00:04:03I didn't...
00:04:04Hello?
00:04:05Did you...
00:04:06God!
00:04:08God!
00:04:09Hey, man of the hour.
00:04:11What's up?
00:04:12How'd it go?
00:04:13I got it.
00:04:14What?
00:04:15Yeah.
00:04:16You just got it?
00:04:17And it was beautiful.
00:04:19And the guy caved on everything.
00:04:21Huge raise, fat title, sick office.
00:04:24The works.
00:04:25Tracy, how'd she take it when you told her you were leaving her daddy's firm?
00:04:28No, no, I haven't, uh, you know, I haven't told her.
00:04:31Oh, Jesus Christ, man.
00:04:32You're not giving her enough credit.
00:04:34You know, she's a great girl.
00:04:36All right, and she wants what's best for me.
00:04:38Because that is what's best for us, for the Tracy Carl unit.
00:04:41And...
00:04:42Did you just say to me, the Tracy Carl unit?
00:04:48Bro, I've had your back since the bloody asphalt days of third grade dodgeball.
00:04:53Tim Wheatley hit you in the face with a basketball and knocked you out.
00:04:56What did I do?
00:04:57I held him down and I farted in his mouth, Carl.
00:04:59I know, and I appreciate that.
00:05:00I...
00:05:01You know I appreciate that.
00:05:02I know what's best for you.
00:05:03And, and, if I was about to cut my balls off,
00:05:06I hoped that a good friend would stand up and tell me that I'm an asshole.
00:05:09So, Carl, as a friend, you're an asshole.
00:05:12Lester, I promise, everything's going to be okay.
00:05:15All right?
00:05:19It's going to be fine.
00:05:21Are you out of your fucking mind?
00:05:23Leaving Daddy's firm after all he's done for you?
00:05:26For us?
00:05:27Well, yes, I know, but...
00:05:28The wedding.
00:05:29It's a hundred grand.
00:05:31Who's paying?
00:05:32Oh, that's right, Daddy.
00:05:34Honeymoon?
00:05:35Ding!
00:05:36Daddy again?
00:05:37Well, he's very generous.
00:05:38I just don't understand why you'd want to leave anyway.
00:05:40My brothers love it there, and so does Uncle Larry.
00:05:42A mummy comes by every day with a healthy, homemade, nutritious lunch
00:05:45you claim you just love.
00:05:47That is unless you've been lying to me.
00:05:51Hmm?
00:05:53Not a liar, are you, Carl?
00:05:56I am not a liar.
00:05:57I love your mother's cooking.
00:05:58I just think that I...
00:05:59Carl, sweetie, you've just,
00:06:00you've just got to have an open mind about this
00:06:02and realize that leaving Daddy's firm is just simply
00:06:05not going to happen.
00:06:06Okay, baby?
00:06:08End of discussion.
00:06:12Is the feel okay, though?
00:06:14A little cold.
00:06:15Whoops.
00:06:25Mmm.
00:06:26Mmm.
00:06:27Mm-hmm.
00:06:28That's a good choice.
00:06:30You know what?
00:06:31You don't even have to tell me.
00:06:33I want to guess.
00:06:34Is that okay?
00:06:35You sat down eye to eye and you folded
00:06:37like a little bitch, am I wrong?
00:06:39So you got the same title, no raise,
00:06:41shitty office.
00:06:42What'd you call it?
00:06:43The Works.
00:06:45It's Monday morning.
00:06:46Welcome to hell.
00:06:47I mean, why is she so mad at you all the time?
00:06:50I mean, come on, bro.
00:06:52I think you're the one that should be pissed, my friend.
00:06:54I was thinking that maybe
00:06:56I should buy her something, you know,
00:06:58that's special, but also creative.
00:07:02Like get her a retard with a box of crayons
00:07:05with one of them sharpeners so he can sharpen it
00:07:07and then take the shavings and put them all over his face.
00:07:10You're going to hell.
00:07:11Well, you know what?
00:07:12No, I'm not going to hell.
00:07:13Retards love crayons.
00:07:15What are you doing?
00:07:16No, no, no, no, don't be that guy.
00:07:18I'm not calling her, all right?
00:07:19Who are you calling?
00:07:20I'm calling her to decline the job offer.
00:07:22Just don't be rash, okay?
00:07:23You don't have to call right now.
00:07:24Give it the weekend.
00:07:25Why give it the weekend?
00:07:26I mean, what is the point?
00:07:27What's going to happen this weekend?
00:07:28Let's go.
00:07:32Okay.
00:07:39Oh!
00:07:44Um, did you buy this?
00:07:49I don't know.
00:07:51I've been pretty blackout drunk for the last week and a half.
00:07:53Thanks for asking, but no, I feel like I want it.
00:07:55I vaguely remember calling some sweepstakes.
00:07:58I hope I didn't buy this.
00:08:00This thing's priceless.
00:08:01I couldn't afford this.
00:08:02Really?
00:08:03And I'm the one who has to rethink my life.
00:08:05Yeah, you do.
00:08:07Let's plug this sucker in, huh?
00:08:11This is a piece of history, my man.
00:08:13I mean, this is how they kicked it old school.
00:08:14There was no internet back then.
00:08:15Just grab a roll of quarters, get on in, and get your horn on.
00:08:17Hey, thanks for the history lesson.
00:08:18Plug it in, huh?
00:08:23It works.
00:08:24It seems to, yeah.
00:08:25Let's check it out.
00:08:28Come on.
00:08:29It's like a time machine taking you back to porn's glory days.
00:08:32Uh-huh.
00:08:33Why am I longing for those days?
00:08:36This is a vintage Diamond Jim porn booth, okay?
00:08:39You know who Diamond Jim is.
00:08:41No, I don't.
00:08:44Think Spielberg, okay?
00:08:45That's the kind of influence that this man had on porn.
00:08:48I mean, before Diamond Jim, porno was dark and dirty and hairy,
00:08:52and Diamond Jim just changed everything.
00:08:55DJ made porn fun, okay?
00:08:57And fun is something that you are sorely lacking these days.
00:09:00And any fun that's left in you is going to be sucked out by you-know-who.
00:09:03All right.
00:09:04And not from your...
00:09:05Because she doesn't do that.
00:09:06That's inappropriate?
00:09:07She's a lady.
00:09:08Get in the porn booth, Carl, and I'll show you some real ladies.
00:09:10That's great.
00:09:11Yeah.
00:09:14Carl.
00:09:15What?
00:09:16Trust me.
00:09:17Get in the porn booth.
00:09:18I'm not getting in there.
00:09:19It's vintage.
00:09:20That means used.
00:09:21Used means sticky.
00:09:22I'm not getting in there.
00:09:23You don't like sticky?
00:09:24No.
00:09:25You don't mind sitting on the couch?
00:09:26Let's go.
00:09:27Wow.
00:09:28Carl, trust me.
00:09:35Hey, get lit.
00:09:41Wow, somebody had a real thing for nurses.
00:09:43They're nice people.
00:09:45Okay, Carl, they're helpers.
00:09:49Holy shit, sorority surprise?
00:09:51That's insane.
00:09:52No way.
00:09:53No, no, no, no, no.
00:09:54Why?
00:09:55I never have.
00:09:56It's Diamond Jim's experimental masterpiece.
00:09:58It was an epic, days in the making,
00:10:00only to disappear off the face of the planet.
00:10:02Some people say Diamond Jim went insane trying to finish it.
00:10:05Other people say it was the two scoops of cocaine
00:10:07he put on his Raisin Bran every morning.
00:10:09But here it is.
00:10:10Hey, bud, pick your flick.
00:10:12There's a little smile on your face.
00:10:14I bet it will.
00:10:16All right, let's get it on.
00:10:20Whoa.
00:10:25Stop it.
00:10:26What is happening?
00:10:27Why is it happening?
00:10:28When will it stop?
00:10:29Stop it!
00:10:30Shit!
00:10:31Dude, bail!
00:10:34No!
00:10:49Whoa, that was intense.
00:10:51Are you okay?
00:10:52I think so.
00:10:54Man, where are we?
00:10:56Carl!
00:10:57Carl!
00:11:04Freeze!
00:11:05Put your hands up.
00:11:06I said freeze!
00:11:07Get your hands up.
00:11:09You want us to freeze or get our hands up?
00:11:11Shut up, punk.
00:11:12Brittany, Frisco.
00:11:20I think we have a concealed weapon here.
00:11:22Is that booze I smell on your breath?
00:11:25I'm sorry, officer.
00:11:26We did not do anything wrong here.
00:11:29Oh, yeah?
00:11:30Ow!
00:11:31Delicious jaywalking sound with intent.
00:11:34Made up.
00:11:35No, really, officer.
00:11:36How do I know you?
00:11:37And you, too.
00:11:38College?
00:11:39I mean, I didn't really go to college.
00:11:40I used to deal weed there.
00:11:41I didn't really deal weed there, but I'm just saying.
00:11:42How do I know you?
00:11:43A.A.?
00:11:44Silence!
00:11:45Oh, my God!
00:11:47Ah!
00:11:48Ah!
00:11:49Ah!
00:11:50Ah!
00:11:55Are those regulation uniforms?
00:11:58Please head down south.
00:11:59Please head down south.
00:12:00Detective Kenneth, strip search in room one.
00:12:03What?
00:12:26You want a cocktail or walk the block?
00:12:28Because Rod Cannon has got the numbers on you.
00:12:31And good.
00:12:38I get it.
00:12:39That's the book on you, huh?
00:12:41That's the book on you?
00:12:42Smart guy talking the talk?
00:12:44Well, listen up, and you better listen good.
00:12:46You better check wise and sing the rumble.
00:12:49Or before you know it, you might find yourself
00:12:51on the rub-out highway to Nowheresville.
00:12:59That was the gun, son.
00:13:02You don't want to see the cannon.
00:13:07Get this dumb mug out of my sight.
00:13:15We have a wet spill in the supply closet.
00:13:18Attention, janitorial.
00:13:20We have a wet spill.
00:13:23Well, well.
00:13:26What do we have here?
00:13:29Just another piece of meat.
00:13:33I...
00:13:41Another outburst like that,
00:13:44and I will send you straight to the hole.
00:13:48Wait, wait.
00:13:50Just listen, okay?
00:13:52All I know is I'm hanging out with my buddy
00:13:54and the next thing you know, there's this light
00:13:56and then there's sound.
00:13:58And then we slam into the ground, okay?
00:14:01There was cops.
00:14:02Titty cops.
00:14:05And then they kicked me in the balls and they maced me.
00:14:08And now I'm here.
00:14:09That's all I know.
00:14:10You think I haven't heard that one before, do you?
00:14:24Huh?
00:14:32Officers Amanda and Shawna to the first floor
00:14:36for prisoner release.
00:14:40You better get used to it, bitches.
00:14:44You're the fucking bitch.
00:14:46Bitch?
00:14:47Stop being stupid, bitch.
00:14:49What did you make me, bitch?
00:14:51Bitch!
00:14:55Don't hurt her.
00:15:00Wait a minute.
00:15:03Have we met somewhere before or something?
00:15:06I don't know.
00:15:07I see punks like you every day.
00:15:13Oh my God.
00:15:15You're...
00:15:18Susie, Susie Diablo.
00:15:21Look.
00:15:23We can either do this the easy way
00:15:26or we can do it the hard way.
00:15:31Wait a minute.
00:15:32I know the answer to this.
00:15:33I know the next line.
00:15:35Yes?
00:15:36Could it get any harder?
00:15:38Oh yeah.
00:15:43I think it just did.
00:15:46Didn't go.
00:15:52Oh.
00:16:11You guys want a...
00:16:12because it's open.
00:16:14No, we're good.
00:16:18You're good.
00:16:19Yeah.
00:16:23Oh.
00:16:26One way or another,
00:16:28you're going to tell me what I want to know.
00:16:30Even if I have to suck it out of you.
00:16:33Oh, I'm not talking.
00:16:35I'm not talking.
00:16:37You can't get me to talk.
00:16:39Hey, Lester.
00:16:40Oh my God!
00:16:41What is he doing here?
00:16:43Baby, it's okay.
00:16:44That's my boy.
00:16:45You understand.
00:16:46She needs information.
00:16:47I can explain.
00:16:48Yeah, well, that's great.
00:16:49Explain later.
00:16:50Come on, come on.
00:16:51You can't get away.
00:16:52I'll talk you down until I get what I want.
00:16:58Let's go, let's go, let's go.
00:17:00Come on.
00:17:01Excuse me.
00:17:14Oh my God.
00:17:21Huh?
00:17:42This way.
00:17:43One, two, three, four.
00:17:52This is all my fault.
00:17:54Don't sweat it, sister.
00:17:56We're going to track house to house.
00:17:58We're going to bag those plugs
00:18:00before the blue plate hits the counter.
00:18:02Yeah?
00:18:03Oh, yeah.
00:18:13Can it, chippy.
00:18:15Can it.
00:18:17Rod's always here for the taking.
00:18:19You know that.
00:18:20But with these punks, these mugs,
00:18:22these goofaloofadoofs loose in my engine,
00:18:25it's track one for trouble time.
00:18:28Okay.
00:18:30I think.
00:18:31Okay.
00:18:41Oh my God, my T-shirt is so wet.
00:18:45Oh my God, it's so cold.
00:18:48Look.
00:18:49Now I'm way wetter than you are.
00:18:52Now I'm wetter.
00:18:53Woo, girls.
00:18:54Now you're both wet.
00:18:56All right, let's take a vote.
00:18:58Yes, Miss Liz.
00:19:00Who's wetter, Brandy or Mandy?
00:19:03Oh, me.
00:19:04Oh, I'm wet.
00:19:10Oh, you're the wettest.
00:19:13Have you ever seen anything like this?
00:19:16Yes.
00:19:17Yes, my friend, I have.
00:19:20This is the opening scene of Dirty Talking Coeds.
00:19:23All right, that's enough of the jokes.
00:19:25I'm serious, all right?
00:19:26Bro, this is not a joke.
00:19:28And I don't even know how to be more serious.
00:19:31And like, wow, this is definitely
00:19:33the wettest I've ever been.
00:19:35Excuse me.
00:19:36Oh, you're so wet.
00:19:38Like, wow.
00:19:40Like, wow, this is definitely
00:19:42the wettest I've ever been.
00:19:45What?
00:19:49Yeah, that chick back at the police station,
00:19:51her name is Susie Diablo.
00:19:53She's a porn star.
00:19:54She's a black belt in S&M.
00:19:56She's nothing but trouble.
00:19:57And this girl?
00:19:58All right, girls.
00:20:00Her name is Autumn Bliss.
00:20:03She's the den mother here at Tri-Pi Sorority.
00:20:06She keeps the girls in line,
00:20:07dirty little hussies.
00:20:10And her?
00:20:11That there is Daphne Cheeks, the blonde one.
00:20:13She's a water sports specialist,
00:20:14if you know what I'm saying.
00:20:15It's one of my personal favorites.
00:20:17And in five, four, three, two...
00:20:25That is Bambi Cummings.
00:20:30She is the best of the best, Carl.
00:20:33I'll take that, Bambi.
00:20:34Thanks.
00:20:37Hi, girls.
00:20:39Hi, Bambi.
00:20:41Hi, Bambi.
00:20:43End of story.
00:20:47Carl, I think we have to seriously consider
00:20:50the possibility that we died back there,
00:20:52we got electrocuted in that booth,
00:20:54and now we somehow made it to heaven.
00:20:58Praise Jesus.
00:21:00No, no, this is just a bad, drunk dream,
00:21:03and any minute I am gonna wake up
00:21:06and everything will be the way it was.
00:21:08Well, not exactly.
00:21:10Diamond jam.
00:21:12In the flesh, my friend.
00:21:14And please, call me DJ.
00:21:16DJ, please, tell me this is some sort of dream or something.
00:21:19Or are we dead?
00:21:21Well, the answer's yes and no.
00:21:22Told you.
00:21:24See, it's like this.
00:21:25On the one hand,
00:21:26you've taken on an alternative form of existence,
00:21:29which could be construed as some sort of a dreamlike state,
00:21:31but on the other hand, since you physically traveled here,
00:21:33you no longer exist back home,
00:21:35so technically you're considered dead.
00:21:36Yes!
00:21:37But not really,
00:21:38because you're here and you're alive.
00:21:40Huh?
00:21:41So wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:21:43Are you saying that we have traveled
00:21:47to some sort of alternate porno flick dimension?
00:21:51Or perhaps, if you will, a porno-ville?
00:21:55Well, if it looks like porno and smells like porno.
00:21:58It must be porno!
00:22:00Oh, yes!
00:22:02Thank you, thank you, thank you.
00:22:04No, no, no, no, no.
00:22:05No, this is not happening.
00:22:06Oh, it's happening, Carl.
00:22:08You see, you were brought here for a reason.
00:22:11And like any great journey,
00:22:14the true adventure is figuring that reason out.
00:22:17Or something.
00:22:18Cool, I love meaningful journeys.
00:22:20If you could just do me a favor and point me in the direction
00:22:23of one of those dimension-altering porn booths,
00:22:26and I'll just make my way home.
00:22:28You don't punch a ticket home
00:22:30until you complete the journey.
00:22:32No fast-forwarding.
00:22:34You dig, son?
00:22:36Now, here are the rules.
00:22:37Listen up.
00:22:38Yeah.
00:22:39There are none!
00:22:40Ha, ha, ha!
00:22:41Shut the fuck up.
00:22:43Wait, now, hang on.
00:22:45Is there one?
00:22:48Shit, I don't remember.
00:22:49Hey, do whatever the hell you want.
00:22:51It gets better, huh?
00:22:52But, boys, piece of advice.
00:22:55Just keep it simple.
00:22:59Oh, he's gone.
00:23:01Frick.
00:23:02Okay, so we can't hide out here in the open, then.
00:23:05Hey, we can hide up there.
00:23:07They have an attic up there that they never use.
00:23:09How do you know?
00:23:10Because in Co-Ed Cupcakes 9,
00:23:12the girls have a seance with a vibrating Ouija board
00:23:14that they think is haunted by a ghost with a 20-inch long
00:23:17that they call the Cockness Monster
00:23:19that lives in the attic that they never use.
00:23:21Oh, I should have been a better friend to you, huh?
00:23:24Yeah.
00:23:25Great.
00:23:26All right, fine.
00:23:27Let's go.
00:23:28Okay, but first,
00:23:29we have to hide here for five more minutes.
00:23:31Why?
00:23:32They're about to have an orgy, bro.
00:23:36Fine.
00:23:37Let's go.
00:23:48Huh?
00:23:49This is hilarious.
00:23:54Look at this.
00:23:55What?
00:23:56Check this out.
00:23:57Oh, holy shit.
00:24:00Why do they need all this dessert?
00:24:02I don't understand.
00:24:16God, that was fun.
00:24:17I know.
00:24:18But the party has just begun,
00:24:20because look at what I have for us.
00:24:27Ah!
00:24:30Any chocolate to go with that?
00:24:32Yeah.
00:24:34Ooh, it's nice and cold.
00:24:39Don't forget the cherries, girls.
00:24:41We won't miss this!
00:24:51Yummy.
00:24:57Hey.
00:24:58No, no, no, no, no, no.
00:25:00We gotta go.
00:25:01We gotta go.
00:25:02We forgot the cherries.
00:25:03Let's go.
00:25:04Come on.
00:25:05We gotta go.
00:25:06They forgot the cherries.
00:25:07We gotta go.
00:25:08Compose!
00:25:09Compose.
00:25:10I don't want to go over there.
00:25:11Okay.
00:25:12But I want a picture.
00:25:13Mom.
00:25:14Mom, Dad.
00:25:15Hey, Mom.
00:25:16Mom.
00:25:17Mom!
00:25:18Mom!
00:25:19Mom!
00:25:20Mom!
00:25:21Mom!
00:25:22Mom!
00:25:23Mom!
00:25:24Mom!
00:25:25Mom!
00:25:26Mom!
00:25:27Mom!
00:25:28Mom!
00:25:29Mom!
00:25:30Mom!
00:25:31Mom!
00:25:32Mom!
00:25:33Mom!
00:25:34Mom!
00:25:35Mom!
00:25:36Mom!
00:25:37Mom!
00:25:38Mom!
00:25:39But I always take showers.
00:25:46Oh yeah, I forgot.
00:25:55You're silly.
00:26:02You can change in here if you want.
00:26:04Ooh, um, how about we meet in the shower?
00:26:07Okay.
00:26:08Okay.
00:26:09Hmm.
00:26:10Hmm.
00:26:11Hmm.
00:26:12Hmm.
00:26:13Hmm.
00:26:14Hmm.
00:26:15Hmm.
00:26:16Hmm.
00:26:17Hmm.
00:26:18Hmm.
00:26:19Hmm.
00:26:20Hmm.
00:26:21Hmm.
00:26:22Hmm.
00:26:23Hmm.
00:26:24Hmm.
00:26:25Hmm.
00:26:26Hmm.
00:26:27Hmm.
00:26:28Hmm.
00:26:29Hmm.
00:26:30Hmm.
00:26:31Hmm.
00:26:32Hmm.
00:26:33Hmm.
00:26:34Hmm.
00:26:35Hmm.
00:26:36Hmm.
00:26:37Hmm.
00:26:38Hmm.
00:26:39Hmm.
00:26:40Hmm.
00:26:41Hmm.
00:26:42Hmm.
00:26:43Hmm.
00:26:44Hmm.
00:26:45Hmm.
00:26:46Hmm.
00:26:47Hmm.
00:26:48Hmm.
00:26:49Hmm.
00:26:50Hmm.
00:26:52Hmm.
00:26:53Hmm.
00:26:54Hmm.
00:26:55Hmm.
00:26:56Hmm.
00:26:57Hmm.
00:26:58Hmm.
00:26:59Hmm.
00:27:00Hmm.
00:27:01Hmm.
00:27:02Hmm.
00:27:03Hmm.
00:27:04Hmm.
00:27:05Hmm.
00:27:06Hmm.
00:27:07Hmm.
00:27:08Hmm.
00:27:09Hmm.
00:27:10Hmm.
00:27:11Hmm.
00:27:12Hmm.
00:27:13Hmm.
00:27:14Hmm.
00:27:15Hmm.
00:27:16Hmm.
00:27:17Hmm.
00:27:18Hmm.
00:27:19Hmm.
00:27:20Hmm.
00:27:21Hmm.
00:27:22Hmm.
00:27:23Hmm.
00:27:24Hmm.
00:27:25Hmm.
00:27:26Hmm.
00:27:27Hmm.
00:27:28Hmm.
00:27:29Hmm.
00:27:30Hmm.
00:27:31Hmm.
00:27:32Hmm.
00:27:33Hmm.
00:27:34Hmm.
00:27:35Hmm.
00:27:36Hmm.
00:27:37Hmm.
00:27:38Hmm.
00:27:39Hmm.
00:27:40Hmm.
00:27:41Hmm.
00:27:42Hmm.
00:27:43Hmm.
00:27:44Hmm.
00:27:45Hmm.
00:27:46Hmm.
00:27:47Hmm.
00:27:48Hmm.
00:27:49in a booth, a movie booth, but it's not a movie booth.
00:27:52It's a time portal dimension-jumping mission.
00:27:56You sure you want to hear this?
00:27:57Oh, I'm quite sure, mm-hmm.
00:28:02Quality control, ma'am.
00:28:04Uh, I have been inspecting these items.
00:28:08Ugh.
00:28:10I'm afraid I'm gonna have to seize them all.
00:28:12What?
00:28:14Even Mr. Boo-Boo?
00:28:16Oh, especially Mr. Boo-Boo.
00:28:18Oh, so you're from outer space?
00:28:23Uh, no, not exactly.
00:28:25Are you gonna eat me?
00:28:27I'm not gonna, no.
00:28:28No, I'm not gonna do anything to you.
00:28:29I-I just, I-I need to go home.
00:28:32Oh, gee, mister.
00:28:35Are you absolutely positive you have to take all of them?
00:28:38Absolutely sure.
00:28:39Well, are you sure there's nothing I could do
00:28:43to change your mind?
00:28:47Well, I, uh...
00:28:53I'm sure that, uh...
00:28:56I, uh...
00:28:58I think maybe...
00:29:00Ah!
00:29:02Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
00:29:04Ah!
00:29:06Ah! Ah! Ah!
00:29:08Ah!
00:29:10Ah!
00:29:12Ah!
00:29:14Ah!
00:29:16Ah!
00:29:18Ah!
00:29:20Ah!
00:29:22Ooh!
00:29:24And where did you land here?
00:29:27Uh, I don't know.
00:29:29I mean, there was an alley, and, um...
00:29:31And then we got arrested.
00:29:32I mean, everything was just happening so fast.
00:29:34I don't really...
00:29:35It looks like things aren't slowing down anytime soon.
00:29:38Ah!
00:29:47Ah!
00:29:49Oh, no, that's that guy.
00:29:50That's that crazy detective guy with the toothpick.
00:29:52And I don't know what he's saying.
00:29:54Yeah, that's Detective Rod Cannon.
00:29:55He always gets his man.
00:29:57You guys got to hide.
00:29:58You gonna help us?
00:29:59Of course, silly.
00:30:01Oh, thanks.
00:30:03Ah!
00:30:07Ah!
00:30:08Daphne, you got to hide these two, and quick.
00:30:10Rod is here.
00:30:12Rod Cannon?
00:30:13The long slong of the law, Rod Cannon?
00:30:16Did he interrogate you?
00:30:19Yeah, kind of.
00:30:21Oh, shit, bro!
00:30:23Ah!
00:30:24We do not want to be caught by Rod.
00:30:27He always gets his man, if you know what I mean.
00:30:31I usually don't know what you mean,
00:30:33and it's no exception right now, so...
00:30:36Ahem.
00:30:43Well, if it isn't Rod Cannon.
00:30:49Afternoon, Miss Bliss.
00:30:51What can I do for you today, Detective?
00:30:53Official business.
00:30:54Rod, you know boys aren't allowed upstairs without an escort.
00:31:00Like I said, sweetie, it's official.
00:31:06Ahem.
00:31:10He's coming.
00:31:26Open up, police.
00:31:28Hey, guys. What's up?
00:31:30Ahem.
00:31:32Step aside, please.
00:31:33I need to have a look-see.
00:31:35In there.
00:31:37Cool.
00:31:38Something wrong?
00:31:40Less confidential.
00:31:42Hmm.
00:31:44Awesome.
00:31:46Have fun.
00:31:47Okay.
00:31:54So, you girls seen anything out of the ordinary?
00:31:59Hmm.
00:32:02Ha, ha, ha.
00:32:05Something funny?
00:32:07No.
00:32:09Rod, is there something we should be worried about?
00:32:14I'm a working man, Cupcake.
00:32:16So that's Detective Cannon to you.
00:32:19And please, I'm the one asking the questions here, miss.
00:32:21You understand?
00:32:23Not at all.
00:32:25How long you had this for?
00:32:27I don't know how to do it.
00:32:30How long do you want me to have had it for?
00:32:34Oh.
00:32:40Oh.
00:32:42Rod, are you going to tell us what's going on or not?
00:32:44Nothing I can't handle.
00:32:46Just a couple hoods on the lam. You know me.
00:32:50I always get my man.
00:32:52Smash a window.
00:33:00Whoa.
00:33:02One, two, three.
00:33:18You hear something?
00:33:20Oh.
00:33:21No.
00:33:22What?
00:33:23Did you hear something?
00:33:25No.
00:33:30All right.
00:33:31Guess my work here is done.
00:33:35Thanks, Rod. We already have your number.
00:33:38Jesus Christ.
00:33:40Oh, my God.
00:33:42Ow.
00:33:43Ow.
00:33:44Oh, my God.
00:33:45We have to get you guys to the hospital.
00:33:47No, no. We don't need doctors.
00:33:49Yes, and besides, there's lots of crazy gadgets there.
00:33:52Maybe one of them can help you get home.
00:33:54Oh, okay. Thank you. That's nice.
00:33:57Okay.
00:33:58Let me just do my hair first, my hospital hair.
00:34:00Hospital hair. Okay.
00:34:04What's happening?
00:34:05Wouldn't you say you're risking quite a bit for this mysterious stranger?
00:34:09Oh, you know me.
00:34:11I'm always a sucker for the new guy.
00:34:14Aw.
00:34:15Jeez.
00:34:17Boy, Carl is just so sweet and helpless.
00:34:20I mean, look at them.
00:34:22Aw.
00:34:25So, every day these palookas ride the streets is an embarrassment.
00:34:31An embarrassment not only to me, but to the entire department.
00:34:34No one, and I mean no one, makes a clean sneak from the clubhouse and walks.
00:34:39Not on my watch. Not on my watch.
00:34:42Sir, I've just landed a tip.
00:34:45No, not that.
00:34:47They've been spotted at the hospital.
00:34:49Diablo, slant the hospital.
00:34:51Dick Lance, hit the campus.
00:34:53I want these hoods back by nightfall or their will be held to pay.
00:34:57Get out of here. Come on. Move. Let's see movement.
00:34:59Let's move. Let's move. Let's move.
00:35:01Other way. Other way. Go.
00:35:06The pink zone is for unloading over.
00:35:12I've got a contorted labor. I need 600 gallons of toxin magoo in here.
00:35:16Hoods on for what? Where'd you study medicine?
00:35:19This one here's got a humerus erectus and it's, yeah, it's huge.
00:35:30Doctor, are they going to be okay?
00:35:32Right now it doesn't look good.
00:35:34But you sure as hell do.
00:35:36Is there anything that I can do?
00:35:38Well, I'm sure I can think of something.
00:35:41Okay.
00:35:43All deliveries for Dr. Jellyfinger, please use the rear entry.
00:35:50Carl, what are you doing?
00:35:52Look, I have to get out of here. I can't waste my time with this.
00:35:54I've got to find the portal. I've got to get home.
00:35:56Let's just grab Lester and we'll go, okay?
00:35:58I can't.
00:35:59Oh. Yeah.
00:36:00I have to go to cheerleading practice.
00:36:02Tryouts are tomorrow.
00:36:04And besides, we can't arouse any suspicions.
00:36:08Yeah. No, I understand. I mean, you've already done so much.
00:36:11But I still want to help.
00:36:13After you find Lester, come back to the Pie House
00:36:16and Daphne and I will find you guys a place to hide.
00:36:18Right. Okay.
00:36:20Thanks, Bambi.
00:36:21Sure thing.
00:36:23And good luck.
00:36:30Uh, Dan, good luck to you. Thank you.
00:36:33To you as well.
00:36:45Where are they?
00:36:48Oh.
00:36:52Oh.
00:36:59Hey, girls.
00:37:01Do you want to get it on with me?
00:37:03Do you want to do it?
00:37:05Are you ready for your sponge bath?
00:37:07Uh, yeah.
00:37:14Ah, now turn over.
00:37:17Okay.
00:37:18We always start with the back.
00:37:21But don't worry.
00:37:23We always finish with the front.
00:37:28Oh, yeah. Are you excited?
00:37:30Not really.
00:37:32Not really.
00:37:34Yeah, get down in the crack there.
00:37:40Dr. Bushwood, please prepare for an injection.
00:37:43Dr. Bushwood, prepare for a big injection.
00:37:49Hush.
00:37:54Wow, that looked painful.
00:37:56Hello, Lestie.
00:37:58Dr. Dick Blow, call gynecology's dad.
00:38:02Ooh, baby.
00:38:04Looks like I'm all strapped in.
00:38:06It wasn't very nice running out of milk like that.
00:38:09Oh, well, it's all about timing, baby.
00:38:12And look, I'm not going anywhere,
00:38:14so I guess now is the time, if you know what I'm saying.
00:38:20What's that thing?
00:38:25Uh...
00:38:27I assure you, this indeed will hurt.
00:38:30Wait, wait, wait.
00:38:32You mean, like, role-play hurt?
00:38:34Mm-mm.
00:38:35Or, honest to God, hurt?
00:38:38Yeah.
00:38:40W-w-w-wait, no, no, no, you don't want to do that.
00:38:43Yes?
00:38:45Dr. Jellyfinger? Dr. Jellyfinger?
00:38:47Dr. Jellyfinger?
00:38:48Oh, no, that's not my...
00:38:49Your patient is waiting.
00:38:50I don't have patients.
00:38:52What if I told you...
00:38:57What if I told you that I'm a virgin?
00:39:03Oh, fuck it, I'm stalling. Get it over with.
00:39:07Oh!
00:39:09Ah!
00:39:10Ah!
00:39:11Ah!
00:39:12Ah!
00:39:14No.
00:39:16Okay.
00:39:17No.
00:39:19Doctor, so good to see you.
00:39:22So, um, what, uh...
00:39:26seems to be the problem?
00:39:29It's my nipples.
00:39:32They taste funny.
00:39:37Okay.
00:39:39Would you excuse me for...
00:39:44Ah!
00:39:47Oh, weird!
00:39:49Ah!
00:39:51Carl, help me!
00:39:53Ah!
00:39:58Hey, hey, hey.
00:39:59You don't ever say a word about this.
00:40:01I don't know what you're talking about.
00:40:03Good, nothing.
00:40:06Let's go!
00:40:08My legs!
00:40:13Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that's where we landed.
00:40:15That's where we landed, that's where we dropped.
00:40:17I don't care, let's go, she's coming!
00:40:19With that thing, let's go!
00:40:21Come on!
00:40:23Um...
00:40:26Okay.
00:40:27It's still there.
00:40:29Look, I'm...
00:40:30Don't touch me!
00:40:31Look, I'm...
00:40:32I don't...
00:40:33I'll only count to three, okay?
00:40:35Keep them closed.
00:40:37One...
00:40:39Ah!
00:40:41Ah!
00:40:43Ah!
00:40:45You never say a word about this, ever!
00:40:47No.
00:40:48Ever!
00:40:49No, never, absolutely.
00:40:50I would not do that.
00:40:54Go, go, go, go, go!
00:40:57Gave you the slip, huh?
00:40:59Let me tell you something, Missy.
00:41:01I want those twists bar-bound ASAP.
00:41:05If not, it's your badge.
00:41:08Got me, sister?
00:41:10Move it.
00:41:18So, why don't you tell me something about yourself?
00:41:20Okay.
00:41:21All right.
00:41:23I'm 21 years old, and I'm a Capricorn.
00:41:25I'm 5'7", 110 pounds.
00:41:27My measurements are 34C, 24, 34.
00:41:30My turn-ons include candlelight dinners,
00:41:32guys who make me laugh, and long bubble baths.
00:41:34And my goal in life is to make the world smile.
00:41:37But you know what?
00:41:40Lately, I've been having these thoughts, new thoughts.
00:41:43I just think that there must be more to life than sex.
00:41:47Gosh, I mean, it's always been about sex.
00:41:51Gosh, I mean, it's always sex.
00:41:54Just sex, sex, sex.
00:41:57It seems like there might be something missing.
00:42:01Yeah, like love, perhaps.
00:42:04Love? What do you mean?
00:42:07Well, you know, love.
00:42:09When you have sex with someone that you love, the sex is better.
00:42:12Okay, so I'm supposed to have sex with the people that I love?
00:42:16Yeah, absolutely.
00:42:18But how do you know if you're falling in love?
00:42:20Well, that is the great mystery.
00:42:23Maybe it's something that you catch in a person's eye that touches you,
00:42:28or maybe it's the way that that person treats you,
00:42:32the way that they understand, they listen.
00:42:35Let's make love right now.
00:42:39What? You want to make love now?
00:42:43I gotta go to the bathroom.
00:42:45What? You don't love me?
00:42:47No, it's not that. I just, you know, I should...
00:42:49Well, two seconds. Give me two seconds.
00:42:51Okay.
00:42:54So I found myself outside of San Antone around about midnight on a cold January eve.
00:42:59I was shacked up on an old Pentecostal church with Ruby Jo Greenberg.
00:43:02He was on foot now with old Chief Redclaw.
00:43:04He's out of Missoula way.
00:43:06Makes his living trading arrowheads for fire water and mescaline south of the border.
00:43:10He carries around a dream catcher.
00:43:12You want to take a bath and fuck?
00:43:16Yeah, okay.
00:43:18Okay.
00:43:20Some people say that it's not cheating if you're in a different state,
00:43:24so I don't really see how it can be cheating if you're in a different fucking dimension.
00:43:30You need to lighten up, bro.
00:43:32Come on.
00:43:33All right, here. Carl, here's what you do, all right?
00:43:36You go back in there and you man up.
00:43:39You know, I think you need to realize something.
00:43:42This is not a joke, all right?
00:43:44If we don't figure out what's what, we might be doomed here forever.
00:43:47I think you might be overreacting just a little bit.
00:43:51I mean, sure, things aren't going our way right now,
00:43:53but as soon as we work out the kinks, come on, everything's going to be great.
00:43:55Look, it's just, you know, I have a life to get back to, you know, a real life.
00:43:59And, uh, wait a minute.
00:44:01You and I have a dog together.
00:44:03Charlie.
00:44:06Charlie, yeah.
00:44:08Okay.
00:44:10But I'm going to tell you what.
00:44:12If I give all this up, you have got to promise me right now
00:44:15that when you get back, you will at least try and make some changes in your life.
00:44:18I'm sorry. Wait. What does that mean?
00:44:20I don't want you going back and living your same shitty life, Carl.
00:44:24Wait a minute. I have a shitty life?
00:44:26You have the shittiest life, yes.
00:44:28You're about to marry a woman who's not going to let you be you.
00:44:31Not only that, she's turned you into a bitch!
00:44:34You're a little bitch!
00:44:35She took him, she owns him, and now you're a bitch.
00:44:38I don't even know you anymore.
00:44:39Woah! Woah! Woah! Woah! Woah!
00:44:47Woah.
00:44:52Come here.
00:44:57Alright, so where should we look for the, uh, the way to...
00:44:59Woah! I'll tell you what. I've got a million ideas all brewing right up here.
00:45:03I can't wait to get working on them ASAP.
00:45:04But first, you're going to have to, uh, you're going to have to let me take a bath.
00:45:09With Daphne. She's ready to rock.
00:45:11So, if I can get you to leave the bathroom, it'd be really great.
00:45:14Okay. So, first thing tomorrow, then?
00:45:16Oh, yeah. Totally. Tomorrow. Perfect. Looking forward to it.
00:45:18Have fun.
00:45:19Okay!
00:45:22Carl, that was the longest two seconds of my life.
00:45:27This is about right.
00:45:30Ugh.
00:45:35Hello, puppy. I hope you brought some ice.
00:45:39Why would I need ice?
00:45:56Hey, wait here.
00:46:00Ugh!
00:46:14Oh! Oh!
00:46:17I forgot.
00:46:19You're a tri-pie.
00:46:21You pledged in Dirty Talking Co-Ed's 11. I knew that.
00:46:24So stupid.
00:46:30I don't know what you're saying to me. I don't speak that language.
00:46:35Ha, ha, ha, bitch! Yeah, Carl!
00:46:38Oh.
00:46:39Oh, my God. What is going on?
00:46:42That is the woman from the hospital who, um...
00:46:44Whoa, whoa, whoa. She what? I don't know her.
00:46:48Who, um, who hurt Lester.
00:46:51What a bitch. She puked on my face.
00:46:54Oh.
00:46:56You need to find another place to hide.
00:46:58Well, where?
00:47:07All the places that Bambi could think of for us to hide.
00:47:10Hey, do I have puke in my eyebrow?
00:47:12No, I got all of it, I think.
00:47:14Lock it.
00:47:17How they doing?
00:47:19Everything okay?
00:47:21Look, you know, Bambi is really going out of her way to help us.
00:47:24And, by the way, so is Daphne.
00:47:27I just, you know, I just think we should make it easy on them.
00:47:30Not get them in any more trouble.
00:47:32You cocksucker. I knew it. You're into her, aren't you?
00:47:36She's cute, but, uh, you know, she's not even real.
00:47:40First of all, Bambi Cummings is the hottest of the hot, Carl.
00:47:43She is, like, microwave lasagna hot.
00:47:46And secondly, she wants you. And I don't know why.
00:47:48I mean, it's retarded to me. There's a million swinging dicks here.
00:47:50She could have anyone she wants, and she's chosen you.
00:47:54Bambi Cummings is real.
00:47:56She's real enough to touch, she's real enough to squeeze,
00:47:59and she's real enough to put her shit on the line for us, okay?
00:48:02That's real.
00:48:11Good night, Carl. I love you.
00:48:12I love you, too.
00:48:13Shh. Maidens say it.
00:48:25Are we in a good mood today?
00:48:27I know. I just feel so... I don't know, you know?
00:48:31Is it Carl?
00:48:34You know about Carl?
00:48:36Of course, sweetie. Daphne told me.
00:48:38Oh, doesn't he sound like a cutie?
00:48:40Oh, he is. It's just I've never felt like this before.
00:48:44I think I'm in love.
00:48:47Love? Wow. What does that feel like?
00:48:51Oh, well, um, at first, I can't get him out of my mind, you know?
00:48:55And then I get this pit in my stomach,
00:48:57and my heart's just pumping really hard,
00:48:59and it's hard for me to breathe,
00:49:01and then I get this headache.
00:49:03It's just so awesome, you know?
00:49:06Wow.
00:49:08That's exactly how I felt after my first double penetration.
00:49:12You know what they say. You never forget your first.
00:49:15I know.
00:49:17You know what they say. You never forget your first.
00:49:20I know.
00:49:22Oh, baby.
00:49:24Ah!
00:49:46It's not here.
00:49:48What's not?
00:49:50What you looking for, Carl?
00:49:52Can you just please tell me where the portal is
00:49:56so that I can get out of here?
00:49:58How about if I give you a hint, Carl?
00:50:00Okay. Yeah, please, give me a hint.
00:50:03Your way home's not through something you can touch,
00:50:06but rather something you can feel.
00:50:11Okay. Okay, DJ.
00:50:13Um, so if you're not gonna show me how to get home,
00:50:16maybe you could give me some actual useful information, you know,
00:50:19about, uh, Rod.
00:50:21Why? Why is he chasing us all over town?
00:50:24Because that's his job.
00:50:26Rod's a cop.
00:50:28That's what cops do.
00:50:30They chase people around.
00:50:32That's what it is. I mean, it's like Bambi.
00:50:34Bambi? Bambi's gonna be the hottest damn sorority cheerleader there ever was.
00:50:38Sexy.
00:50:40I-I so want to kick your ass right now.
00:50:42I mean, I don't know if I could, but you're not helping me.
00:50:44You want to throw?
00:50:47You want me to go Cobra on you?
00:50:48If you must.
00:50:49I'll take you down.
00:50:50Show me some feeling!
00:50:51I'm feeling.
00:50:52That's your adventure.
00:50:53I'll choose my own adventure, all right?
00:50:54Feeling!
00:50:55That's all I'm saying.
00:50:56Stop.
00:50:57Bang!
00:50:58Don't.
00:50:59That hurt.
00:51:00Whack!
00:51:01Come on.
00:51:02Oh, my God, land sharp.
00:51:03What?
00:51:04What a dick.
00:51:17I am so excited about tryouts.
00:51:19I'd do anything to get to the school.
00:51:21Me, too.
00:51:22There's absolutely nothing I wouldn't do.
00:51:26I just heard that they're short one judge
00:51:28and they might cancel tryouts.
00:51:30No!
00:51:34Now, listen, sister.
00:51:35You want to play ball or what?
00:51:37Yeah.
00:51:41Hold on, cupcake.
00:51:44You want the alligator,
00:51:45you're going to have to spill the beans.
00:51:47No, I promise.
00:51:48Maybe I wouldn't tell.
00:51:49Okay.
00:51:50No, no, no.
00:51:51Okay.
00:51:52Geez.
00:51:53Okay.
00:51:54On campus.
00:51:55Girls' locker room.
00:51:57Hey, hey, hey.
00:51:59Cool your jets, chippy.
00:52:04I got the jump.
00:52:06Valley campus.
00:52:07Girls' locker room.
00:52:09Okay.
00:52:10I got the jump.
00:52:11Valley campus.
00:52:12Girls' locker room.
00:52:13Over.
00:52:14All right, let's chill.
00:52:22Well, if he doesn't show up,
00:52:24we're going to have to cancel.
00:52:26Aww.
00:52:32Hey, sorry I'm late.
00:52:34Car trouble.
00:52:36Let's get it on!
00:52:41Yeah, yeah, yeah
00:52:44Yeah, yeah, yeah
00:52:48Yeah, yeah, yeah
00:52:51Yeah, yeah, yeah
00:52:54She's a beauty
00:52:58She's a queen
00:53:02Don't wake me up now
00:53:05This must be a dream
00:53:09Yeah, yeah, yeah
00:53:13Yeah, yeah, yeah
00:53:16Yeah, yeah, yeah
00:53:21Bring it down, bring it down now
00:53:29Yeah, yeah, yeah
00:53:39Yeah, yeah, yeah
00:53:41By the power vested in me
00:53:43as the coolest and best-looking judge in the Valley,
00:53:47I hereby announce this year's cheer captain
00:53:50as Bambi Cummings!
00:53:54Thanks, Lester.
00:53:56Yeah!
00:54:07There he is!
00:54:10Come on, you idiots!
00:54:18Open it, open it, open it, open it, open it!
00:54:20The big guys, they're coming. Open it!
00:54:22Uh...
00:54:24Uh-oh, key broke.
00:54:26Oh, God!
00:54:33Oh, word.
00:54:37Come on.
00:54:44Ha, ha, ha.
00:54:46Boobies.
00:54:53We're gonna fix this.
00:54:55Come on.
00:55:04His name is Busta.
00:55:06Busta Nutt.
00:55:08Wannabe rapper turned porn star.
00:55:10Directed a few low-budget videos for some no-named emcees.
00:55:14Hooked up with Diamond Jim, and voila, a franchise was born.
00:55:18Okay, how does that help us get home?
00:55:20Dude's got a whole collection of old-school video-style games
00:55:23in the basement downstairs, Carl.
00:55:26Booth-style games.
00:55:28Feel me?
00:55:30Yes, okay, good, good, good, good.
00:55:34Really?
00:55:36Follow my lead.
00:55:39Yo, yo.
00:55:41Oh!
00:55:51Back the fuck up, bitch.
00:55:53What the fuck?
00:55:55Summer Eve. Hey!
00:55:57You... you know me.
00:55:59It's me. Look at my...
00:56:02Rumpa? Huh?
00:56:04Rumpa.
00:56:06Rumpa-thumper.
00:56:08Check this out.
00:56:11With the pop and the bang, bang.
00:56:13Click back and the thumb up to the...
00:56:15You know what?
00:56:19There, and would you like a little bit of...
00:56:24All right, Rumpa, my brother.
00:56:26That's right, and this is my boy, PB&J.
00:56:28We call him Hot Carl. He likes it when girls poop on him.
00:56:31Tell her.
00:56:33I like it when girls poop on me.
00:56:36Very sick fuck, but we fit in here,
00:56:38so, girl, we just listen to music,
00:56:40saw the girls, saw we come down,
00:56:42see what's crackling. Do I get a plus one?
00:56:44Come on in.
00:56:47Thanks, girl.
00:56:49I love your work.
00:56:52âȘ To the club, to the club
00:56:54âȘ Shorty, get it on the floor, slow it down
00:56:56âȘ Now shake it, move your hips all around
00:56:58âȘ Drop them down, don't break it, feel a flow
00:57:00âȘ Get low, touch your toes, let it come and take it back
00:57:02âȘ Start over, let me see you see you do it like that
00:57:04âȘ Like that, like that, like that, like that
00:57:06âȘ Like that, like that, like that, like that
00:57:09Ooh, I'm stimulated.
00:57:11And discombobulated.
00:57:13I'm gonna get all y'all pregnant tonight.
00:57:15Ooh!
00:57:17I'm gonna leave it in.
00:57:19Girl, you love that, huh?
00:57:21That's him right there. That's him.
00:57:23Look at the pimp. That's Buster. Buster Nutt.
00:57:25I love you because you never judged me
00:57:27on the fact that I was uncircumcised.
00:57:29I love that about you.
00:57:31And you know my dick got a leg warmer on it.
00:57:33You still love Daddy.
00:57:37He's a mad player, a motherfucking maxima.
00:57:39Okay, can you just stop with that?
00:57:41Stop. And where's the thing?
00:57:43Oh, word, sorry.
00:57:45Yeah, the time machine portal thingamabob.
00:57:47It's behind that over there VIP down the stairs.
00:57:49Oh, you.
00:57:51Oh, my God, is that Carl?
00:57:55And why is he going over there?
00:57:57Oh, maybe that's where his spaceship is.
00:58:03Bam!
00:58:07Hey, sugar.
00:58:09Hi. Hi.
00:58:11Want to party?
00:58:13Uh, yeah, okay, we'll party.
00:58:15Okay.
00:58:27Okay.
00:58:29You both look great.
00:58:31Bye.
00:58:33Excuse me.
00:58:37Bam Bam!
00:58:39What's wrong?
00:58:41Where are these?
00:58:43We're out of here.
00:58:51Here's your drink.
00:58:53May I?
00:58:55Ah, yes.
00:58:57You want some?
00:58:59Yeah.
00:59:01Oh, it's warm.
00:59:03Yeah.
00:59:05Oh, my God.
00:59:11Shit, man, I said,
00:59:13what, motherfucker, you crazy?
00:59:15I stuck my plow cup right up in this pork shank for sure.
00:59:17Shit.
00:59:19Hey, don't motherfucker
00:59:21spit it like my brother Rompa.
00:59:23What the hell, no.
00:59:25This came out her ass, too.
00:59:27Did it?
00:59:29Yeah.
00:59:31I'm smoking crack.
00:59:33Literally.
00:59:35Excuse me.
00:59:39I don't want them.
00:59:41Hey.
00:59:43Yo, my boy.
00:59:45Bitches suck this motherfucker's dick.
00:59:47Do it.
00:59:49Yo, dog.
00:59:51Give him some car wash.
00:59:53Yo, look over here, my dog.
00:59:59Uh, hey, school man.
01:00:01He's a motherfucking turd in a punch bowl.
01:00:03Little crack ass.
01:00:05But he's my boy.
01:00:09Just be right back, okay?
01:00:11Save my spot.
01:00:13Tap, tap.
01:00:15You better go get that motherfucker.
01:00:17Holy shit.
01:00:19Here it is.
01:00:21All right.
01:00:23Well, go ahead and get in.
01:00:27You're not coming.
01:00:29I love you, but I struck the lottery here, bro.
01:00:31I belong here.
01:00:41If this thing works, you can ride it back anytime you want.
01:00:43And who knows, maybe even sometimes
01:00:45I'll come for holidays.
01:00:47Like Kwanzaa.
01:00:51All right.
01:00:53Bye.
01:00:55Bye.
01:00:57Bye.
01:01:03There we go.
01:01:05Holy shit, it works.
01:01:07All right.
01:01:09What the fuck is this?
01:01:15It looks like some kind of video game
01:01:17where you have to use the cock to shoot all the titties.
01:01:19Well, looks like you're screwed.
01:01:21Should we go back upstairs?
01:01:23You said this was gonna work!
01:01:25Make it work!
01:01:29Sorry, you died.
01:01:39Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
01:01:49Yeah, yeah.
01:01:51One more. Let's go!
01:01:53Let's go.
01:02:03Freeze!
01:02:13What kind of bitch-ass motherfuckers
01:02:15you think we are?
01:02:17You think those are motherfucking guns?
01:02:19This here's a motherfucking gun!
01:02:23Ain't that right, my man?
01:02:25What the...
01:02:27You ain't no motherfucking romper.
01:02:29I...
01:02:31It was... Check that out!
01:02:35You motherfuckers!
01:02:37Don't come around here!
01:02:39I'll beat the Grizzly Adam shit out of you!
01:02:41You Andy Griffith-looking motherfucker,
01:02:43get to dancing again.
01:02:49You're on your own.
01:02:51Don't look at me! Don't look at me!
01:02:55So I know that didn't go so well.
01:02:59Didn't go so well?
01:03:01No, check it out. I've got the... Don't give me that look.
01:03:03I've got the cure, Carl.
01:03:05We got our way out of here.
01:03:07Two words.
01:03:09Babysitter orgy.
01:03:11Oh, my God!
01:03:13There's a house down here that I recognized from earlier.
01:03:15I knew I recognized it, but...
01:03:17Oh, my God, I'm trapped here forever with you.
01:03:19You say that like it's a bad thing.
01:03:23I should have never listened to you.
01:03:25You work in a liquor store.
01:03:29And now you've dragged me
01:03:31into your porn-fueled world.
01:03:37You're the biggest loser I know.
01:03:41I deserve this, really.
01:03:43So thanks.
01:03:45Is that right? Yeah.
01:03:47Boo-hoo!
01:03:49Yeah, oh, I'm Carl.
01:03:51Oh, there's too many boobies.
01:03:53How could you do this to me, Lester?
01:03:55How could you bring me to the greatest place on the Earth?
01:03:57You know what? What about me?
01:03:59I should be getting laid two at a time,
01:04:01twice a day, but no.
01:04:03I gotta deal with your whining ass all the time.
01:04:05Oh, I'm sorry.
01:04:07Yeah, I'm the one who gets kicked in the balls
01:04:09over and over and over, and I'm laying in my own puke,
01:04:11and then that thing at the hospital...
01:04:13You don't say a word, but don't tell nobody.
01:04:17You know what? To hell with you.
01:04:19To hell with me? Yes. To hell with me.
01:04:21Straight to hell. Right. To hell with you, okay?
01:04:23No, you. Double. I got...
01:04:25These are all for you, all right?
01:04:27Go. Get laid. Enjoy.
01:04:29Enjoy. I will.
01:04:37You're a baby. Come on.
01:04:41Hey.
01:04:47Shh.
01:04:53Oh.
01:04:55Did I order a pizza?
01:04:57Gee, maybe I got the wrong house.
01:04:59What kind of pizza is it?
01:05:01Extra large sausage
01:05:03and giant meatballs.
01:05:05Mmm. Sounds yummy.
01:05:17Mmm.
01:05:23I'm taking your car, pizza boy.
01:05:25That's my word.
01:05:31Watch where you're...
01:05:33You know what? Fuck you.
01:05:35Ha-ha. Nothing's ruining my night.
01:05:39Goodnight, miss Lance.
01:05:43Hey, Bambi.
01:05:45It's me.
01:05:51What's wrong?
01:05:53How could you?
01:05:55Uh...
01:05:57How could I what?
01:05:59I thought you were different.
01:06:01What are you talking about?
01:06:03I saw you tonight.
01:06:05With those girls.
01:06:07With which girls?
01:06:09So now you're gonna lie to me?
01:06:11Oh, no. Those girls...
01:06:13No, no, no. I can explain.
01:06:15No, I don't want to hear it.
01:06:17I saw what I saw, and that's that.
01:06:19No, Bambi, really. It is not what you think.
01:06:21No, Carl. You hurt me.
01:06:23And I don't ever want to see you again.
01:06:25And to think
01:06:27I ever loved you, Carl.
01:06:37Thank you, God.
01:06:39Oh, my God!
01:06:41Did you, like, order a pizza?
01:06:43You didn't?
01:06:45Who cares?
01:06:47I'm, like, totally starving.
01:06:49Oh.
01:06:51But we don't have any money.
01:06:53Oh, my God. Is there, like, any other way
01:06:55we could pay you?
01:06:57I'm sure we could think of something.
01:07:03That was just inside for a second.
01:07:05Don't sell yourself short, stud muffin.
01:07:07You are harder than Chinese math.
01:07:09That's sweet, tits.
01:07:11But seriously, who steals a pizza cart?
01:07:13I'm kicking a hunch.
01:07:15Now, go pin your diapers on
01:07:17and dangle.
01:07:21Breaker, breaker.
01:07:23Dust out the chopper squad.
01:07:25I got the buzz on the hoppy.
01:07:27Roger.
01:07:29It's called
01:07:31the nervous game.
01:07:33Oh, my God. I'm, like, so scared.
01:07:35Stop.
01:07:37Seriously.
01:07:39So what you do is you put one hand
01:07:41on each other.
01:07:43Not yet.
01:07:45Starting with each other's heads.
01:07:47Then you move slowly down,
01:07:49pausing to ask,
01:07:51are you nervous?
01:07:53And if the answer's no,
01:07:55then you keep moving.
01:07:57And the game doesn't stop
01:07:59until someone says,
01:08:01that makes me nervous.
01:08:03But what if nothing makes me nervous?
01:08:05Going and going and going and going.
01:08:07Okay.
01:08:09Let's start.
01:08:25Are you nervous?
01:08:27No. Are you nervous?
01:08:29No.
01:08:31Are you nervous?
01:08:33No.
01:08:37Are you nervous?
01:08:41No.
01:08:45Are you nervous?
01:08:49Did you guys hear something?
01:08:53Now you're making me nervous.
01:08:55Oh!
01:08:57Oh!
01:08:59Oh!
01:09:03Where is your boyfriend?
01:09:05It's not my boyfriend.
01:09:07Hello? Anybody at home?
01:09:11I am the pool boy.
01:09:13And I have come to clean your pool.
01:09:15Oh, and it's so dirty.
01:09:17So dirty.
01:09:37Wait!
01:09:39We don't even have a pool.
01:09:47We don't have a pool.
01:10:17Fuck this place, Carl!
01:10:47Oh, come on, Bamblers.
01:10:49DJ's parties always cheer you up.
01:10:51Put on a happy face.
01:10:55Oh, you did the right thing
01:10:57by getting rid of that car.
01:10:59No, I think I made a horrible mistake.
01:11:01I miss him so much, it hurts.
01:11:03I wonder what he's doing right now.
01:11:09Oh, God, so that's it, huh?
01:11:11Yep.
01:11:13Well, what's the plan?
01:11:23Bambi!
01:11:25Daphne, come over here, you sweet things.
01:11:27Uh-oh.
01:11:29Why the long puss, sweet cheeks?
01:11:31She'll be fine.
01:11:33She just needs to relax.
01:11:35Well, you came to the right place.
01:11:37You're going to have a good time.
01:11:39You're going to have a good time.
01:11:41Relax.
01:11:43Well, you came to the right place.
01:11:45Excuse me, sweetie.
01:11:47Come on, now.
01:11:49Sit down.
01:11:51You tell DJ what's going on.
01:11:53Well, there's this boy that I met,
01:11:55and I treated him bad,
01:11:57and now I feel bad.
01:11:59That's so sad.
01:12:11Fuck!
01:12:41Oh, no.
01:13:05Oh, God.
01:13:07Great, excellent.
01:13:09What's this?
01:13:11Oh, this one, too.
01:13:13Oh, that's nice.
01:13:15Okay, give it up, kinks,
01:13:17or else you're both going to get the broad trick.
01:13:19What's that?
01:13:21I don't know what that is.
01:13:23I don't know.
01:13:25Do it, try it.
01:13:27Sleeve!
01:13:29It's not working.
01:13:31Oh, yeah.
01:13:33Oh, yeah.
01:13:35Come on, come on.
01:13:37Okay.
01:13:45Ha, off me, bitch.
01:13:47No.
01:13:49Okay, now he's sleeping.
01:13:51Not today, rock cannon!
01:13:57Get him, Paul!
01:14:03Oh!
01:14:05Oh!
01:14:07Oh!
01:14:09The headband!
01:14:11There!
01:14:13What the hell is going on?
01:14:15I am about to red light
01:14:17these hotheads back to the hoot scout!
01:14:19Well, just stuff it, Rod.
01:14:21DJ, we just want to go home.
01:14:23Yeah, I mean, we can't figure out
01:14:25why we're here, and by the way,
01:14:27none of us learned a damn thing.
01:14:29Is that right?
01:14:31That's right.
01:14:33So you guys just want to give up the journey,
01:14:35is that right?
01:14:37Exactly, yeah.
01:14:39Well,
01:14:41if that's what you really want...
01:14:43That's exactly, yes, positive.
01:14:45Okay, then just do as I say.
01:14:47Cup your balls, give them a squeeze,
01:14:49and say, there's no place like home.
01:14:51There's no place like home.
01:14:53There's no place like home.
01:15:01There's no place like home.
01:15:03There's no place like home.
01:15:05Ha ha!
01:15:07You're a dick!
01:15:09I hate this guy so much!
01:15:11Ah, the booze right up there!
01:15:15Just step inside and off you go!
01:15:17Go.
01:15:19Hold the phone.
01:15:21What the fuck?
01:15:23Are you just gonna kick these trouble boys' skip out?
01:15:25Will you shut up, Rod?
01:15:27Seriously, what crime do these guys
01:15:29ever commit, anyway?
01:15:31Well, I mean, I'm not sure specifically.
01:15:33I mean, I'm gonna, you know, check the statues and everything
01:15:35when I get a chance.
01:15:37Yeah, why don't you do that, Rod?
01:15:39Why don't you check the statues?
01:15:41You're the sire's cop on the force!
01:15:43And, Rod, you're fired.
01:15:45Excuse me?
01:15:47Ha!
01:15:51Oh.
01:15:53What are you guys waiting for?
01:15:59Come on.
01:16:07Come on.
01:16:09Let's go.
01:16:21Aww.
01:16:23I guess you learned something
01:16:25important here after all.
01:16:27Well, I did, DJ.
01:16:29I learned what true love really is.
01:16:31Oh, Jesus.
01:16:35I love you, Carl.
01:16:37I love you, baby.
01:16:39What happened?
01:16:41What'd you do to my friend,
01:16:43Diamond Jim?
01:16:45Ah!
01:16:51Bambi?
01:16:57Bambi?
01:16:59So, then I remember.
01:17:01It hits me. Whang. The one rule
01:17:03in this land.
01:17:05You can't fall in love.
01:17:07DJ, that's so unfair. I love him.
01:17:09Oh, Jesus Christ.
01:17:11In this land,
01:17:13you can't have that feeling.
01:17:15Okay, I'm sorry.
01:17:17Yeah, that's tough, sweetie.
01:17:19Tough break. Hey, listen,
01:17:21it's been really great getting to know you all.
01:17:23Hey, uh, Lester? Are you sure
01:17:25that you really, really want to go?
01:17:27Yeah, bro.
01:17:29I think I learned my lesson.
01:17:31What was that?
01:17:33This place is not what I expected it to be, okay?
01:17:35My nuts can't take anymore.
01:17:37I don't mean in a good way.
01:17:39Well, there's one more thing
01:17:41that you should know before you go.
01:17:43Oh, yeah. Diamond Jim, what's that?
01:17:45Lester,
01:17:47I am your father.
01:17:51What?
01:17:55That's my son!
01:17:57Prince of the Valley!
01:18:05Carl!
01:18:07Where the hell have you been?
01:18:09It's been two days, and do you know what that means?
01:18:11That means it's Sunday,
01:18:13and do you know what Sunday is?
01:18:15Sunday is food-tasting day
01:18:17at the club with my parents.
01:18:19What the fuck happened to your ceiling?
01:18:21Uh, I had to take...
01:18:23You know what? No, no, no.
01:18:25I don't want to know, because right now
01:18:27we're going to go to the club,
01:18:29we're going to meet my parents,
01:18:31and we're going to have a nice time, okay?
01:18:33And tomorrow you will explain everything.
01:18:35Okay. So go get changed.
01:18:37Chop-chop.
01:18:39No.
01:18:43No.
01:18:45What did you say?
01:18:51I said no.
01:18:53No? Oh.
01:18:55No to what?
01:18:57No to everything.
01:18:59No to picking up your parents,
01:19:01and, uh,
01:19:03no to going to the food-tasting
01:19:05at the club, and also
01:19:07no to ever explaining
01:19:09anything to you!
01:19:11You know what? You are going to regret this, mister.
01:19:13Oh. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
01:19:15Are you sure? Are you sure?
01:19:17Do I look like I'm going to regret it? Yes!
01:19:19Are you sure? Yes! Look closer!
01:19:21Get the hell out of here! Go!
01:19:31DJ, isn't there anything you can do?
01:19:33I mean, I know the rule, but can't you make
01:19:35an exception just this once? Bambi,
01:19:37you know, you've always been my favorite,
01:19:39and I would do anything in the world to make you happy.
01:19:41Then please help me. Please.
01:19:43Oh, come on, DJ.
01:19:45Do our girl right.
01:19:49Well,
01:19:51let's just see what the Deej can do.
01:19:53All right?
01:19:55All right.
01:19:57Thank you. Thank you.
01:19:59There he is.
01:20:01He's coming out of it.
01:20:03Hey, son.
01:20:05How you doing? You're here.
01:20:07You're back. Good to have you. You're the prince of the valley.
01:20:09How you like your life?
01:20:15I love you, Dad.
01:20:17Are you sure you still want to go?
01:20:25No! No!
01:20:27No!
01:20:31Oh, my God!
01:20:33I never liked him anyway.
01:20:35Ah!
01:20:57You're watching the Diamond Zone,
01:20:59America's top adult network.
01:21:01Up next...
01:21:11What?
01:21:15What do you mean you can't pay me?
01:21:17I've cleaned the pool,
01:21:19though.
01:21:23Oh, okay.
01:21:25How are your pipes plumbed?
01:21:31Hold this.
01:21:33Are you ready for your deposition?
01:21:35Shh!
01:21:37That's right, baby.
01:21:41And now, a special delivery just for you.
01:21:43The hottest piece of ass
01:21:45this side of Mississippi.
01:21:47Miss Bambi Cummings.
01:21:49No. No.
01:21:51No.
01:21:55No.
01:22:13Oh!
01:22:15Oh!
01:22:17Ah!
01:22:25Bambi?
01:22:35Bambi, is that you?
01:22:37Yeah, it's really me.
01:22:39But how?
01:22:41When your journey ended, it turned out mine had just begun.
01:22:43Your journey?
01:22:45Yeah, see, Carl, you came into my life
01:22:47and showed me what I was looking for.
01:22:49And then DJ told me if I wanted true love,
01:22:51I'd have to go after it myself.
01:22:53So you gave up your...
01:22:55your life there to be with me?
01:22:57Carl, I'd do anything to be with you.
01:23:01Anything.
01:23:03Anything.
01:23:11Ha-ha!
01:23:13See, Carl?
01:23:15I told you I'd always have your back.
01:23:17That's right, buddy.
01:23:19Since third grade dodgeball.
01:23:21Lester, what are you doing?
01:23:23What am I doing?
01:23:25I'm just having the time of my life,
01:23:27two at a time, twice a day.
01:23:31Looks like you have your hands full, too, Carl.
01:23:33Yeah.
01:23:35Thanks, man.
01:23:37The pleasure's all mine.
01:23:39See you at Kwanzaa, buddy.
01:23:41Yeah, I'll see you at Kwanzaa.
01:23:45You know, they say I'm the best of the best.
01:23:47Mm-hmm.
01:23:49I think you can handle me.
01:23:51Thanks, baby.
01:24:19Oh, baby
01:24:21Won't you get with me
01:24:25And everything I see
01:24:27I think of you and me
01:24:29Oh, baby
01:24:31Won't you get with me
01:24:33Uh-huh, yeah
01:24:35You can be my lady
01:24:37There's nothing that we can't do
01:24:39Come and look me deep
01:24:41In the eyes
01:24:43Don't give me
01:24:45The runaround
01:24:47Won't you get with you
01:24:49Even if it takes all night
01:24:51That's right, yeah
01:24:53And everywhere I go
01:24:55I can't stop thinking of you
01:24:57Oh, baby
01:24:59Won't you get with me
01:25:03And everything I see
01:25:05I think of you and me
01:25:07Oh, baby
01:25:09Won't you get with me
01:25:11Uh-huh, yeah
01:25:13You've been such a big part
01:25:15Of my life
01:25:17I don't know what to say
01:25:19I don't know why
01:25:21I keep coming back for more
01:25:25But you gotta show me
01:25:27What this love is for
01:25:33Won't you get with you
01:25:35Won't you get with you
01:25:37Won't you get with me
01:25:39Won't you get with me
01:25:41Ain't gonna take no
01:25:43And you're gonna take over the town
01:25:46And you're gonna be my baby
01:25:49I'm gonna be a girl like you
01:25:51And everywhere I go
01:25:54I can't stop thinking of you
01:25:56Oh baby, won't you get with me?
01:26:01And everything I see
01:26:03I think of you and me
01:26:06Oh baby, won't you get with me?
01:26:10And everywhere I go
01:26:13I can't stop thinking of you
01:26:15Oh baby, won't you get with me?
01:26:20And everything I see
01:26:22I think of you and me
01:26:25Oh baby, won't you get with me?
01:26:40Oh baby, won't you get with me?
01:26:48Choke on him, punk.
01:26:52Choke.