How Not to Date Your Neighbor Full Movie
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00:00:00See? I told you it looked better here, didn't I?
00:00:08Yeah, yeah, you're right.
00:00:10Of course I'm right. I know what's best for you, baby.
00:00:19Alright, let's work. Gotta go.
00:00:21Oh, okay.
00:00:23What?
00:00:25Oh, um, nothing. It's just...
00:00:28I thought you said you took the day off so you could help me move in.
00:00:31Well, you know if I don't work, then I don't get paid.
00:00:34And if I don't get paid, how am I supposed to afford those fancy dinners I take you out on?
00:00:38Right.
00:00:39Speaking of...
00:00:41As of next week, we'll have been dating a whole year.
00:00:45Maybe we could do something.
00:00:47Well, we've been going out on dates for about a year.
00:00:51That's what I said.
00:00:53Well, that's not exactly what you said.
00:00:55I mean, you're not looking for anything serious, right?
00:00:58What?
00:01:00Well, I mean...
00:01:02I mean, I'm trying to start my business, and you're waiting on a phone call from the library.
00:01:06I think that we're good as is.
00:01:09I mean, we don't have to put a label on anything, right, babe?
00:01:14Yeah, right. Yeah.
00:01:17Okay, well, I gotta go, so I will see you later.
00:01:23Bye.
00:01:32Adam!
00:01:37Oh, shit.
00:01:42Perfect.
00:01:44Wonderful.
00:01:54Okay.
00:02:01Ma'am, I need you to stop what you're doing and put your hands in the air.
00:02:05Hands above your head.
00:02:07What the hell?
00:02:08Ma'am, if you don't cooperate, I'm gonna be forced to grab you.
00:02:10No, no, no, wait, wait. I'm not breaking in. This is my apartment. I live here.
00:02:13Strike three.
00:02:14What are you doing? Oh, my God!
00:02:17I'm arresting you for breaking and entering.
00:02:19Oh, my God! This is my apartment, you lunatic!
00:02:22I live here!
00:02:23Well, do you have documentation to prove that?
00:02:25Yeah, check my phone. The lease is in my email.
00:02:28All right, we'll see about that.
00:02:30Email, huh?
00:02:32Where do I look?
00:02:33What do you mean? It's right at the top.
00:02:35Huh.
00:02:37Oh, would you look at that?
00:02:38Yeah. Okay, can you uncuff me now, please?
00:02:41Oh, my God.
00:02:49For the record, credit card works better.
00:02:59Welcome home.
00:03:01Who are you?
00:03:02Jake, apartment D.
00:03:05Nice to meet you, neighbor.
00:03:07And you are?
00:03:10Noel.
00:03:11Pleasure, Noel.
00:03:12Well, if you need a cup of sugar or a gag gel free card, you know where to find me.
00:03:17How about an apology?
00:03:19For what?
00:03:21Protecting and serving, that's kind of my job.
00:03:24Oh, so your job is being an impulsive asshole who goes around cuffing innocent people?
00:03:38See you around, neighbor.
00:03:39You wish, asshole.
00:03:48Jerk.
00:03:49Who the hell does he think he is?
00:03:51You're under arrest.
00:03:53I live here.
00:04:01Hi, I'm Shelly.
00:04:02Jakey, I'm so glad you answered.
00:04:04I just wanted to check in with you.
00:04:06I miss you. It's been so long.
00:04:08I miss you too, Aunt Shelly.
00:04:09Jake, I know these past few years have been hard for you, but your parents wouldn't want you to live this way.
00:04:14You're practically a recluse at this point.
00:04:17I'm fine, Aunt Shelly, really.
00:04:19How about I come by?
00:04:20I can bring this lovely woman you need to meet.
00:04:22She's the daughter of my friend from swim aerobics.
00:04:25No, don't do that.
00:04:26I'm actually seeing someone.
00:04:29You are?
00:04:31Yeah, I didn't want to say anything.
00:04:33Didn't know if it was serious, but she just moved in.
00:04:37So, no need to set me up.
00:04:39Well, I can't wait to meet her.
00:04:41I'll pop by sometime.
00:04:42No, don't do that.
00:04:43She's shy.
00:04:44Nonsense.
00:04:55Aunt Shelly, I have to go.
00:05:03What are you doing in here?
00:05:04I heard screaming. I thought you were in trouble.
00:05:06So it's okay for you to break in, but not me?
00:05:08Listen, I only came to help, but clearly you don't need me, so I'll just leave.
00:05:12Wait, no, no, no, wait, wait, wait.
00:05:14There's a spider.
00:05:22Is that what all the fuss was about?
00:05:26Yeah, I just can't.
00:05:28Here, I'll escort him out.
00:05:42The spider now lives in a tree outside your window.
00:05:47I thought you were going to...
00:05:52Cheers.
00:05:57Look, I'm sorry about earlier.
00:05:59Honestly, I thought you were trying to rob the place, and my training kicked in.
00:06:07Yeah, true.
00:06:10You were right, though. I was being an asshole.
00:06:13Usually, when I'm cuffing the innocent, it's consensual.
00:06:22You're cute when you're flustered.
00:06:24I'm not. I'm not flustered.
00:06:28You sure about that?
00:06:37Um, I'm seeing someone.
00:06:39Congratulations.
00:06:41Okay, yeah, so stop flirting.
00:06:43Me? Flirting?
00:06:45I'm just being friendly.
00:06:47Oh, we're friends now.
00:06:49I would say so, yeah.
00:06:51I saved your ass twice in less than 24 hours.
00:06:53Oh my god, however can I repay you? You want a loan? A kidney?
00:06:57Actually...
00:06:58Seriously? That was a joke.
00:07:00Would you pretend to be my girlfriend?
00:07:03What?
00:07:06Look, um, my aunt's coming to town, and I might have accidentally told her I'm seeing someone.
00:07:13So you lied.
00:07:14Potato patata.
00:07:17So what do you say?
00:07:18I just told you I'm seeing someone, and you're a complete stranger. Why would I do this?
00:07:21But I'm not a stranger, though. I'm your neighbor.
00:07:25You're friendly.
00:07:26Handsome.
00:07:28Charming.
00:07:30Charitable.
00:07:31Lock-picking.
00:07:32Lock-picking.
00:07:34Lock-picking, yeah.
00:07:39Look, you would really be doing me a solid.
00:07:41It's a long story about my aunt.
00:07:43She's really worried about me.
00:07:45She thinks I've given up on love or whatever.
00:07:47Have you?
00:07:50Well, that's not the point.
00:07:52Look, I just want to give her peace of mind.
00:07:55All you have to do is come over for one dinner, tell one little white lie, and that's it.
00:08:01You're not hurting anyone.
00:08:03Please.
00:08:04You'd be making a really wonderful woman very happy.
00:08:08She's like a second mother to me.
00:08:10I don't want to disappoint her.
00:08:12One dinner?
00:08:14One dinner.
00:08:19Fine.
00:08:21Great.
00:08:25Am I interrupting something?
00:08:28Adam, um, no, this is, um, this is my neighbor, Jake.
00:08:32Yeah, he was, um, helping me with a spider.
00:08:35Babe, I told you a million times, just kill it.
00:08:39If you need help, you can call me.
00:08:44Well, I should probably go.
00:08:47That's a good idea, Jake.
00:08:54I'll see you later, Noah.
00:08:57Bye.
00:09:18Hey, Taylor.
00:09:19Reynolds.
00:09:22Reynolds today.
00:09:23Why so formal?
00:09:24I reviewed your closing numbers, and they're not where they should be.
00:09:26We need you getting through more cases per month.
00:09:28I'm working as fast as I can, boss.
00:09:31No, you're fixating all your time on this robbery case.
00:09:35And the chief told you to lay off it.
00:09:39It's not just one robbery case.
00:09:41There's a string of them, and I'm sure they're all connected.
00:09:43And proving that would make you feel like the big hero.
00:09:46It's not about my damn ego, Taylor, it's about justice.
00:09:48Well, I can't run a department that doesn't meet quota.
00:09:55Are you sure you're not singling me out for any particular reason?
00:09:58Excuse me?
00:10:00Are you implying something, Officer Reynolds?
00:10:02Am I implying anything at all?
00:10:06That's what I thought.
00:10:08Now get back to work.
00:10:25Oh my god, Jake, I am so sorry.
00:10:28You know, this building has gotten a lot more interesting since you moved in.
00:10:31Are you okay?
00:10:33I'm fine. Seriously, I'm fine.
00:10:38Um, I can get the coffee out.
00:10:40Don't worry about me.
00:10:42No, please, please, let me help. I'm really sorry.
00:10:45Just, uh, yeah, come to my apartment. It'll just take a few minutes.
00:10:51Whatever you say.
00:10:53Okay.
00:11:01You know, I can just bring this over to you after if you want to, you know, get changed.
00:11:07In this magic you're working? I don't think so.
00:11:11It's just baking soda, white vinegar, and water. Works every time.
00:11:18You work at a dry cleaners or something?
00:11:20No.
00:11:22I work in a bookstore.
00:11:24You know, the one down on Main Street?
00:11:26How do you like it?
00:11:28Um, it's not exactly my dream, but, uh, it's close, I guess.
00:11:33What's the dream?
00:11:35I just got my MLIS degree to be a librarian.
00:11:39I want to be an archivist.
00:11:41Research how to print children's books at a university library.
00:11:45Specific.
00:11:48How do you get a job like that?
00:11:51Turns out it's not easy. Hence the bookstore.
00:12:00Wow.
00:12:02If you ever change your mind about careers, you have an excellent future in stain removal.
00:12:07You're flirting again.
00:12:10Can't a friend compliment another friend?
00:12:18I think that's your door.
00:12:20Jake! Are you home?
00:12:24I should go.
00:12:29Thanks again.
00:12:48What are you doing here?
00:12:50Where were you? Why are you shirtless?
00:12:52Don't worry about it. What are you doing here?
00:12:54I wanted to apologize for earlier.
00:12:56I know you had a rough day, and like I said, I can't keep you on that robbery case without the chief's permission,
00:13:02but maybe I can help take your mind off of it, you know? The way I used to.
00:13:10Taylor, we can't do this.
00:13:13Sure we can. We have. Many times.
00:13:27Nothing strange. We tried.
00:13:32We're alright for each other. I can't give you what you want.
00:13:36You don't want me?
00:13:39I don't know what I want, Taylor.
00:13:43I never do.
00:13:47You're an asshole.
00:13:49I'm just being honest.
00:13:50Those are not mutually exclusive traits.
00:13:52You know, you can't close yourself off forever, Jake.
00:13:55One of these days you're going to wake up and realize just how lonely you are.
00:14:00Look, Taylor, I'm sorry. I really am.
00:14:04I hope we can still be professional about all this.
00:14:07Look, I know you don't want a relationship, Jake Reynolds, but I will be the girl that changes your mind.
00:14:13Just you watch.
00:14:31Hello, Mr. Saunders.
00:14:33Noelle, I need you to dust the top of the bookshelves today.
00:14:36Yes, sir.
00:14:41What an excellent use of my time and talent.
00:14:58Hi.
00:14:59Sorry.
00:15:00I just meant to take my over shirt off.
00:15:04Would you mind putting me in the direction of...
00:15:06Health and fitness?
00:15:08Back right.
00:15:12I was actually looking for Toni Morrison.
00:15:15But it's good to know.
00:15:17I come off as totally insufferable.
00:15:19Oh my god.
00:15:20I'm so sorry.
00:15:22I assumed.
00:15:24Has anyone ever told you not to judge a book by its cover?
00:15:30Toni Morrison is right there.
00:15:32Thank you. I appreciate it.
00:15:35I'll go this way.
00:15:36Oh, sorry. Okay.
00:15:40Hey, what's up, babe?
00:15:42I got the book that you wanted.
00:15:45Alright.
00:16:01Hey.
00:16:15Hello?
00:16:16Hey, sorry. I know you're at work, but...
00:16:19I just heard from the university...
00:16:20I'm sorry, Noelle.
00:16:22I can't talk right now. I'm busy.
00:16:24Right, yeah.
00:16:25Okay, but maybe we could get a drink after work or something.
00:16:29I think it's going to be a late night.
00:16:31Rain check?
00:16:35Oh my god. I'm definitely getting a drink.
00:16:41Oh, fuck.
00:16:53Oh, fuck.
00:16:55Okay.
00:16:59Okay.
00:17:04Seriously?
00:17:07Oh, come on.
00:17:17You're welcome.
00:17:20Why are you in my apartment?
00:17:22I'm trying to break in again.
00:17:24Actually, this is my apartment.
00:17:27Because I'm really tired. I cannot entertain right now.
00:17:30I know. We're going to get you home.
00:17:32I am home.
00:17:34Not quite.
00:17:36Can I take it to your place?
00:17:41I don't know.
00:17:43I don't know.
00:17:45I don't know.
00:17:48You smell good.
00:17:50Thanks.
00:17:52Come on, let's go.
00:17:53Where are you going?
00:17:55I got you.
00:17:57Oh my god. You're really strong.
00:18:00I try.
00:18:09Noelle, this is my apartment.
00:18:13You can stay here tonight, though.
00:18:17My hero.
00:18:19Okay. Okay. Okay.
00:18:23None of that.
00:18:25You don't want to kiss me?
00:18:27You don't like me?
00:18:31I do want to kiss you.
00:18:34But not right now.
00:18:36Why not?
00:18:39Well, because you're extremely drunk.
00:18:41And also, you have a boyfriend.
00:18:44I don't have a boyfriend.
00:18:47Please don't boyfriend me.
00:18:50What about that guy I met?
00:19:09Good night, Noelle.
00:19:13Good night.
00:19:43Good night.
00:20:13Good night.
00:20:29You've been really doing some great work.
00:20:31You should be proud.
00:20:32Keep it up.
00:20:33Damn it.
00:20:36What's got you so worked up?
00:20:38Nothing. It's nothing.
00:20:40Seriously, Jake, that case wasn't assigned to you.
00:20:42There was another robbery on Main Street.
00:20:44They've got to be connected, Taylor.
00:20:48Let me take a look.
00:20:55Did you check for prints on that banister?
00:20:57No, just the front door.
00:20:59I mean, they might match the ones from last week.
00:21:02Good catch, Taylor.
00:21:04I'll guess when we're on the prints.
00:21:08I'll do it.
00:21:10You get back to your caseload.
00:21:13Is this punishment for the other night?
00:21:15Punishment? We'll be reporting you to the Chief.
00:21:17Now get back to work, Reynolds.
00:21:19You're assigned work.
00:21:31Who is it?
00:21:34It's me.
00:21:36Come on in.
00:21:39Hey.
00:21:41Hey. How are you feeling?
00:21:44So, I'm just coming by to say that I'm sorry about last night.
00:21:49Don't worry about it.
00:21:52Yeah, I'm honestly not sure how I even got into your apartment,
00:21:55but thank you for letting me sleep on your couch.
00:21:59Anytime.
00:22:00For the record, I did try to get you back to your own apartment.
00:22:03Oh, my God. That was a mess.
00:22:06Thanks for throwing me out.
00:22:09Actually, you were kind of cute.
00:22:14No. Oh, God. No way. No.
00:22:17So, you don't remember anything?
00:22:24No. No. God, isn't that embarrassing?
00:22:28Okay, so, um, I'm going to retreat to my apartment in shame now. Bye.
00:22:34Hey, I'm making burgers.
00:22:38Want one?
00:22:40Really?
00:22:42They're good hangover food.
00:22:51Yeah, that's amazing.
00:22:53It tastes just like the ones my mom used to make when I was a kid.
00:22:56She a good cook?
00:22:58Yeah, she was.
00:23:00I'm sorry.
00:23:02No, it's okay.
00:23:04I mean, she passed about ten years ago, but before she got sick,
00:23:07she loved cooking.
00:23:09Burgers, yes, but she also made this pound cake
00:23:12and put this amazing fruit compote on it.
00:23:14Nah.
00:23:16I'm sorry.
00:23:17I tend to ramble, as you probably noticed.
00:23:20I'm just impressed you can talk about all this.
00:23:25It was a long time ago.
00:23:27It took a while, but, um,
00:23:30I like talking about her.
00:23:32Makes me feel like she's still here.
00:23:38I, um, lost both of my parents as well.
00:23:43Both of them?
00:23:46Yeah, I don't talk about it much.
00:23:50You can tell me.
00:23:52If you want.
00:23:55It's, uh, kind of a...
00:23:59heavy story.
00:24:02Hey, it's alright.
00:24:19Thanks for cooking.
00:24:22Anytime.
00:24:24Um...
00:24:26Would your, um...
00:24:28Would your pretty friend be okay with us having dinner?
00:24:32I didn't realize you met Taylor.
00:24:34Um, yeah, no, I saw her in the hallway the other day.
00:24:38Um, she's beautiful.
00:24:40Yeah.
00:24:41Is she your girlfriend?
00:24:44No, she isn't my girlfriend.
00:24:46We just work together.
00:24:47Oh, okay.
00:24:50We were friends with benefits.
00:24:54But that was a long time ago.
00:25:03What about your guy friend?
00:25:06Oh, Adam?
00:25:08I gotta say, I don't love the way he speaks to you.
00:25:12Is he always so...
00:25:14Protective?
00:25:15I was gonna say controlling.
00:25:17Controlling?
00:25:18Especially for someone who isn't your boyfriend?
00:25:24Yeah.
00:25:25It's complicated.
00:25:32What was that?
00:25:38First pipe!
00:25:39Oh my god!
00:25:40Get some towels!
00:25:43Yeah, it was crazy.
00:25:44The super says there won't be water or power for like at least a week, maybe two.
00:25:48Jeez, that sucks.
00:25:50Do you need a place to stay?
00:25:52Yeah, yeah, no, that would be great, Adam.
00:25:54A buddy of mine from work, he has a guest house.
00:25:56I'll give you his contact info.
00:25:59Right, right, thanks.
00:26:01Of course, babe.
00:26:02I told you you could call me anytime you need help.
00:26:14I soaked up most of the water, but they're gonna need to completely rip out most of your plumbing.
00:26:18Can't catch a break, huh?
00:26:21Do you have some place to go?
00:26:24Yeah, I'll figure it out. Don't worry about me.
00:26:27I'm definitely gonna worry about you. You can't stay here.
00:26:30No, I'll be fine.
00:26:32Look, I don't want to be weird, but I have a second bedroom.
00:26:37Do you want to stay with me?
00:26:39Really?
00:26:41What are friends for?
00:26:47Here we are.
00:26:50I really hope I'm not imposing.
00:26:53Not at all. Seriously, make yourself at home. The place is all yours.
00:26:57Bathroom's right down the hall.
00:27:00Do you have everything you need?
00:27:04Yes, thank you.
00:27:09I can't believe you're coming to my rescue yet again.
00:27:23I know.
00:27:26Good night, Jake.
00:27:30Oh, sorry. I thought you were sleeping.
00:27:33All good. Need anything?
00:27:36Oh, yeah, I just wanted a glass of water.
00:27:39Want a beer, dude?
00:27:42Eh, why not?
00:28:00What are you reading?
00:28:03Case files. It's been a string of burglaries. Hopper House.
00:28:08That's what we call it when a burglary happens when the home or business is occupied.
00:28:12This one actually happened at a clothing store on Main Street.
00:28:16Not too far away from where you work.
00:28:18Oh, jeez.
00:28:20I really want to catch this guy before someone gets hurt.
00:28:23What are you gonna do if you catch him?
00:28:26In the act, I mean.
00:28:29In the act?
00:28:32Here, let me show you.
00:28:35Okay.
00:28:40If you're being attacked, the first thing you need to do is stay calm.
00:28:44Now, let's say your attacker has a gun.
00:28:50In that situation,
00:28:55you're gonna want to do two things.
00:28:59First thing, wait for an opening,
00:29:02and then get him off balance.
00:29:07Good. That was really good.
00:29:09Yeah?
00:29:11Yeah. You're a quick learner.
00:29:13Oh, you're a good teacher.
00:29:17Sorry, I'm probably crushing you.
00:29:20I don't mind.
00:29:24Right, right.
00:29:26Mr. Complicated.
00:29:33Yes, thank you for the lesson.
00:29:35It's good.
00:29:36Okay, weirdo.
00:29:39You want another beer?
00:29:41Oh, no, I'm pretty tired.
00:29:44I think I'm gonna go read a book in bed.
00:29:46Sure.
00:29:48Okay, goodbye. Good night.
00:29:55Good night.
00:30:03Cheeky!
00:30:05Aunt Shelly, what are you doing here?
00:30:07I told you I'd pop by.
00:30:10You must be the girlfriend.
00:30:16That's me.
00:30:17Oh, I'm so happy to meet you.
00:30:19I thought my nephew was gonna be alone forever.
00:30:23It's all right, Aunt Shelly. Let her breathe.
00:30:25Of course, of course. Silly me.
00:30:27Please, Aunt Shelly, take a seat.
00:30:30Can I get you a cup of coffee?
00:30:31Yes, please, dear.
00:30:33Hopefully your lovely girlfriend's manners
00:30:35will rub off on you, young man.
00:30:37Believe me, I'm working on it.
00:30:39I like her already.
00:30:49So, Noelle, I want to know everything.
00:30:52What do you do, sweetie?
00:30:53I work in a bookstore.
00:30:55Don't be modest, babe.
00:30:56She has her MLS degree.
00:30:58That's so impressive.
00:31:00I'm looking for jobs at university libraries.
00:31:03I want to make a real contribution to my field.
00:31:05Ever since my favorite book went out of print when I was a kid,
00:31:08I've just been obsessed with researching and archiving.
00:31:11You don't have to explain it to me.
00:31:12Practically the whole family's in academia.
00:31:15You should have seen Jake's parents' library.
00:31:18It was enormous.
00:31:19What was the book called?
00:31:21My Sardine.
00:31:22I've been looking for it for a long time,
00:31:24but it's impossible to find.
00:31:26I love that book.
00:31:27I used to read it to Liam Oliver all the time when he was growing up.
00:31:31That's Jake's cousin, my son.
00:31:33You'll meet him at the wedding.
00:31:35Wedding?
00:31:37Jake, you didn't tell her about the wedding?
00:31:40Okay, well, this has been a very nice visit,
00:31:43but we have to go to work, so...
00:31:45Oh, of course.
00:31:46I'll see you after then.
00:31:47We can do dinner.
00:31:49What do you mean?
00:31:50Well, obviously I'm staying over.
00:31:53I came all this way.
00:31:54I'm going to stay a few nights with my nephew.
00:31:57Oh, don't worry.
00:31:58I won't crowd you lovebirds.
00:32:11This is fine, right?
00:32:13Yeah.
00:32:15She needs the spare bedroom, so...
00:32:21We can make a barrier.
00:32:34Great, yeah.
00:32:51So you think we convinced her?
00:32:53Yeah, definitely.
00:32:55Lucky you.
00:32:56Didn't even have to kiss me.
00:32:58It wasn't so bad the last time.
00:33:00Last time?
00:33:04Yeah, it's just...
00:33:07Okay, I don't know how to tell you this.
00:33:10That night you came over really drunk.
00:33:13You kind of grabbed my face and kissed me.
00:33:16Oh, my God.
00:33:17Only for a second, though.
00:33:18Then I pulled away.
00:33:19I didn't want to take advantage of you.
00:33:21It sounds like I took advantage of you.
00:33:23No, it's totally fine.
00:33:25I'm so embarrassed.
00:33:27Hey, don't be.
00:33:30I liked it.
00:33:33You did?
00:33:49Um...
00:33:52It's okay, right?
00:34:09No.
00:34:10No, um...
00:34:11No, stop.
00:34:14Just hold on, um...
00:34:19I really like you.
00:34:21It's, um...
00:34:22Oh, my God.
00:34:23No, I'm not rejecting you.
00:34:24I'm not.
00:34:27I like you a lot.
00:34:28You're smart, you're funny, and...
00:34:31I'm really attracted to you.
00:34:32What?
00:34:34It's just that, uh...
00:34:37I got a lot of complicated going on right now.
00:34:39And I don't want to mislead you.
00:34:42So I just want to be clear.
00:34:45If you're looking for something casual,
00:34:47I'm your guy, but...
00:34:50I can't give you anything else.
00:34:56Fuck.
00:35:01Why does this always happen?
00:35:04What?
00:35:07Men like me enough to want to be with me,
00:35:09but never to commit to me.
00:35:11No, that's not it, I swear.
00:35:12Oh, let me guess.
00:35:13It's not you, it's me.
00:35:17Yeah, they always say that, too.
00:35:25Good night, Jean.