Family Guy: The Wildest Suburban Sitcom Ever Made
Family Guy is an animated TV series created by Seth MacFarlane that first aired in 1999 — and somehow survived cancellation not once, but twice (because apparently, America needed more fart jokes and talking dogs). It centers around the Griffin family: Peter, the well-meaning but incredibly dumb father; Lois, the long-suffering wife who could do so much better; their kids Meg (eternally bullied), Chris (Peter 2.0 but with even less brainpower), and Stewie — a British-accented baby genius with violent tendencies and a closet full of weapons.
Oh, and there’s Brian, their alcoholic, liberal, talking dog who writes novels, drives a Prius, and occasionally dates human women.
The show is infamous for its cutaway gags, which are totally unrelated to the plot but always hilariously random — one second they're in the kitchen, and the next Peter is wrestling a dinosaur in ancient Rome because... why not?
What makes Family Guy unique is its blend of:
Satire (nobody is safe: politicians, celebrities, even Disney)
Dark humor (it’ll make you laugh, then wonder if you should’ve)
Pop culture chaos (think Star Wars parodies, '80s references, and musical numbers about diarrhea)
Love it or hate it, Family Guy has become a staple of adult animation, proving that even the weirdest ideas can become TV legends — especially if you throw in a murderous baby and a chicken vendetta that spans decades.
Family Guy is an animated TV series created by Seth MacFarlane that first aired in 1999 — and somehow survived cancellation not once, but twice (because apparently, America needed more fart jokes and talking dogs). It centers around the Griffin family: Peter, the well-meaning but incredibly dumb father; Lois, the long-suffering wife who could do so much better; their kids Meg (eternally bullied), Chris (Peter 2.0 but with even less brainpower), and Stewie — a British-accented baby genius with violent tendencies and a closet full of weapons.
Oh, and there’s Brian, their alcoholic, liberal, talking dog who writes novels, drives a Prius, and occasionally dates human women.
The show is infamous for its cutaway gags, which are totally unrelated to the plot but always hilariously random — one second they're in the kitchen, and the next Peter is wrestling a dinosaur in ancient Rome because... why not?
What makes Family Guy unique is its blend of:
Satire (nobody is safe: politicians, celebrities, even Disney)
Dark humor (it’ll make you laugh, then wonder if you should’ve)
Pop culture chaos (think Star Wars parodies, '80s references, and musical numbers about diarrhea)
Love it or hate it, Family Guy has become a staple of adult animation, proving that even the weirdest ideas can become TV legends — especially if you throw in a murderous baby and a chicken vendetta that spans decades.
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FunTranscript
00:00I am so into girls.
00:02Oh, come on, Meg. You can stop the charade.
00:05My God, you're as transparent as your father was when he pretended to be a Hasidic Jew to get off work.
00:10Good morning, Hebrews and Shebrews.
00:12Okay, now be polite, and for God's sake, don't mention anything about his kid's face.
00:16Brian, please come in.
00:19Can my wife, Stacy, get you anything?
00:21Go to hell, Tom.
00:23Already there, hon.
00:23Yes, well, Mr. Tucker, it seems your son Jake had some vodka at the school dance, and Chris got blamed for it.
00:31This whole situation has just turned his whole life upside down face.
00:39It's no concern of mine if it's turned his life upside down face.
00:43Don't worry, Carol. We're almost there.
00:46Peter, why are we stopped?
00:47Um, yeah, I'll have three cheeseburgers.
00:49Peter, for God's sake, she's having a baby.
00:51Oh, that's right. And a kid's meal.
00:53Oh, my God, Dad.
00:54Where are they going to take me? I'm so scared.
00:58Meg? Meg?
01:04I don't know who you are.
01:06I don't know what you want.
01:07But I have a very particular lack of skills.
01:10I will never be able to find you.
01:13But what I do have is two dollars and a Casio wristwatch.
01:16You can have one of them.
01:19Dracar Noir.
01:21These guys are serious.
01:23Lois, Meg's dead.
01:25Now let's go to Ollie Williams' cooking corner.
01:27What are you making, Ollie?
01:28Eggle!
01:29Thanks, Ollie.
01:29I just want to talk to him.
01:31Why do you have a shotgun?
01:32I just want to talk to him.
01:33Dad, this is ridiculous!
01:35I just want to talk to him.
01:36Put that gun away!
01:36I just want to talk to him.
01:37Wait, what are you doing?
01:38It is not his fault!
01:39I just want to shoot him.
01:40I just want to talk to him.
01:40You can't shoot him!
01:42Wait, what?
01:43What are you doing?
01:44All right, Brian, I'm going to go up to the upper level and run this wire down through the wall.
01:47Grab your walkie.
01:48I'll call you when I get up there.
01:49Okay.
01:51Brian, pick up.
01:52Over.
01:52What?
01:53Brian, please say over when you finish talking.
01:55Over.
01:56What?
01:57Over.
01:57Do you see the wire yet?
01:58Over.
01:59No.
01:59No what?
02:02Over.
02:02No.
02:03Over.
02:03Okay, I'm going to start feeding it through.
02:05Over.
02:05Wait, if you haven't started feeding it, why'd you ask me if I could see it?
02:09Didn't copy that.
02:10Over.
02:10I said, why'd you ask me if I could see it if you haven't started feeding it?
02:13Over.
02:14Oh, that's better.
02:15I can hear you now.
02:15Over.
02:16Do you see it yet?
02:16Over.
02:17You know, you're a jackass.
02:18For the record, I don't want to hang out with you anymore when this is over.
02:21When this is what, Brian?
02:22Over.
02:22I said, I don't want to hang out with you anymore when this is over.
02:25When this is what?
02:26You've got to finish your sentence.
02:27Over.
02:28That's it.
02:28My sentence is over.
02:29Your sentence is what, Brian?
02:30Over.
02:30My sentence is...
02:31Wait a minute.
02:32I have to say over even if the sentence ends with the word over?
02:34Ends with the word what, Brian?
02:36Over.
02:36Oh, I see the wire.
02:37You see the wire what?
02:38Over.
02:39Over.
02:39Oh, somebody hasn't heard the news.
02:42News?
02:42What news?
02:43What's the most wonderful thing that could happen to this family?
02:46Hmm.
02:50Man, I wonder if I'm one of those secret assassins who doesn't even know it, but I'm a highly trained
02:54killing machine.
02:55Well, I could test that by attacking you.
02:57If you repel my attack, maybe that means you're a secret assassin.
03:01Good idea.
03:03I don't...
03:04I don't think I'm a secret assassin.
03:06Why would they make you president?
03:08Well, maybe it's because I can recite all 50 states in a quarter of a second.
03:13Ah!
03:13Peter, that was just a loud yelping noise.
03:16Ugh.
03:16You know, later we're going to have to take one of those forced happiness family photos
03:20that come in the restaurant's tacky frame.
03:23Why are you so fucking negative all the time?
03:26Okay, this is one of our favorites.
03:28Hope it's one of yours.
03:28Don't go breakin' my hat.
03:38I couldn't get my hat.
03:43Oh honey, if I get press race.
03:47Baby, you're not hurt.
03:48Don't go breakin' my hat.
03:56You'll take the weight off.
04:00Hey, what the hell?
04:01Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
04:02Is there a problem?
04:03Huh?
04:03You wanna go?
04:04You wanna go?
04:05Go?
04:05What are you talking about?
04:06I'm talking about go.
04:07That's what I'm talking about.
04:08First one's on the house.
04:10I got things to do.
04:10Oh, where do you think you're going?
04:12I'm going downstairs.
04:13Oh, there's a toll in the hole now.
04:14Ten bucks.
04:15Look, can I?
04:16I just?
04:18Stewie?
04:19Look?
04:21Come on?
04:22I?
04:24Just?
04:25You?
04:26This is?
04:28Can I?
04:29I'm just messin' with you, man.
04:31You can do whatever you want.
04:32I was just kiddin' you.
04:34Why are you so serious?
04:36Right, go Carter.
04:37Get some!
04:38Get some!
04:39Hey, Joe, that's like right in my fucking ear.
04:41It was so nice of you to come, Peter.
04:43You're so considerate.
04:44Ah, it was nothin'.
04:45It was nothin'.
04:45It was nothin'.
05:11Mama, may I have cookie?
05:15No, Diabito.
05:16Roll back to kitchen.
05:17Awww.
05:17No, Diabito.
05:23No, Diabito.
05:25Roll back to kitchen.
05:26No way, those guys have a TV in their car.
05:36Peter, watch the road.
05:39Lois, get off my back, will ya?
05:53I'm tryin' to watch TV.
05:54I swear to God, sometimes I think your head's screwed on backwards.
05:57I mean, do you have any idea?
05:58Oh!
05:59Ah!
05:59Ah!
06:00Ah!
06:00Ah!
06:01Ah!
06:02Ah!
06:03Ah!
06:04Ah!
06:05Ah!
06:06Ah!
06:07Ah!
06:08Ah!
06:09Ah!
06:10Ah!
06:11Ah!
06:12Ah!
06:13Ah!
06:14Ah!
06:15Ah!
06:16Ah!
06:17Ah!
06:18Ah!
06:19Ah!
06:20She go to kiss him, to wake him up!
06:22What?
06:23I'm not gonna kiss you!
06:24Stewie can't hear you!
06:25He's not awake!
06:26Only a kiss will wake him up!
06:28I better get Meg!
06:29Ooh- ooh, oooh!
06:30Where am I?
06:31Oh, she's a beautiful little girl, Glenn!
06:33Have you given her a name yet?
06:35Huh?
06:35Yeah, I named her Anna Lee, but...
06:37I'm probably just gonna call her Annal for short.
06:38That's funny!
06:39Thank you!
06:40When she gets back from the bathroom...
06:41none of you say anything about cancer!
06:43No, I'm serious!
06:44I really enjoy spending time with this woman...
06:46and I don't want you ruining it for me!
06:48Okay, okay.
06:48Yes, we got it.
06:50Lois, you didn't have to go through all this trouble.
06:52It's like a whole Thanksgiving dinner.
06:55Oh, it's no problem.
06:56Jess, we're happy to have you.
06:58Chris, pass me a turkey leg, would you?
07:00I prefer the limbs.
07:02I got a limb for ma.
07:05Let's stop talking about the food, all right?
07:08Anyone seen any good movies lately?
07:10I saw that new Tom Hanks movie.
07:12Oh, man, I love every Tom Hanks movie, except the Terminal.
07:16You know, there's nothing worse than when you're flipping channels
07:17and you're like, oh, God, it's Terminal.
07:19Don't say it's Terminal.
07:21God, what have I done to deserve this?
07:23Why does it have to be Terminal?
07:25Sir, I will tell you a great Tom Hanks movie.
07:28Catch me if you can, sir.
07:30You have literally never called Peter Sir.
07:33Well, I've never told you that I can't throw a boomerang, but it's true.
07:42See? I told you.
07:44At least I don't have cancer like your girlfriend.
07:46That's it.
07:47Sal?
07:47What's everyone going to get?
07:49Hey, Chris, watch.
07:50I bet she orders the eggplant parmesan like it's something fancy.
07:53I'm thinking the eggplant parmesan.
07:56It'll be like we're in Italy.
07:58Ha!
07:58Our family should wear uniforms with basic bitches across the front.
08:02What's wrong with eggplant parmesan?
08:04Nothing.
08:05I was just making a joke.
08:06Stewie and I do it all the time.
08:07Stewie is a baby.
08:09Peter, your seatbelt back here doesn't work right.
08:11What's going to happen to you that hasn't already happened?
08:13Now go live to Asian reporter Trisha Takanaa for a look at how locals are dealing with the imminent disaster.
08:19Trisha?
08:20Diane, I'm hearing...
08:21I had horrible acne.
08:24Stephanie, I had to wear a back brace and to make things worse, only one of my boobs had come in.
08:29I had to resort to fill in the empty side of my bra with a pop-o-matic from the board game Trouble.
08:36The other kids were cruel and would call me horrible names.
08:39Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
08:41Look, it's Schooley Lois.
08:42What a freak.
08:43I just ate a sandwich, so I'm waiting 20 minutes to swim.
08:46But the worst bully of them all was Stephanie.
08:49Hey, Lois, watch your step.
08:51Your shoe's untied.
08:52Ah!
08:52Ah!
08:54Ah!
08:54Ah!
08:55Ah!
08:55Ah!
08:55Ah!
08:56No one even tried to help.
08:58What a loser!
08:59Walk much?
09:0018 more minutes.
09:01I would have drowned if it wasn't for the buoyancy of the pop-o-matic.
09:05Ah!
09:06Ah!
09:06Ah!
09:07Ah!
09:07Ah!
09:08Ah!
09:08Ah!
09:09Stephanie never even apologized.
09:11And junior high trauma is something you don't recover from.
09:14Yeah, my gym teacher drove me home without his pants on.
09:17But your story sounds bad, too.