- 5/12/2025
Takeshis castle
Category
πΉ
FunTranscript
00:00My name is Craig, Commander of the Voices of the North, loyal servant to the true lady's favourite General Lee,
00:08father to a noisy son and two lovely daughters, husband to a gorgeous wife, and I will have my Sarky in this life or the next.
00:19If you should find yourself alone, riding through muddy fields with sludge on your face, do not be troubled, for you are in Takeshi's castle.
00:29And you're already mad.
00:47I've seen things you people wouldn't believe.
00:50Big black balls off the shoulders of contestants, laser beams glittering in the dark near Takeshi's gates.
00:58All those moments will be lost, like teeth in pain. Time to cry.
01:08First up is the Great Wall! On my command! Unleash smells!
01:14Okay, we got a hundred contestants. Only 88 can go through. We're in a movie madness here. Having a movie moment. I'm not sure what that shot was.
01:26Oh, she's going down fast, fast! Oh, are you mad? Are you mad?
01:36Hundred contestants. 88 can go through. A dirty dozen are going out. You've got to climb the wall and be among the first 38. That wall's massive.
01:44That's three foot six inches tall. Silly cow.
01:51Oh, he's got a reindeer on his back. Who killed Bambi?
01:56He's getting over. Team play at work. I think that contestant's giving up. Don't worry.
02:09Don't worry. Slipping through his fingers like the sun's of time, that wall. Well done, Billy Buntas through.
02:22The size of this wall doesn't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world.
02:28Oh, that could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
02:35All the sludge and slurry. Freshly shipped in from the field where they filmed Braveheart. She goes out, but then she's happy.
02:51Steady. Gotta see this again for my ridiculous replay. Dive, dive, dive!
02:58I feel the need for speed. It's skipping stones.
03:06Lovely film music, that is it, John Williams.
03:09Who knows?
03:12The march of the wet brigade here.
03:20Be careful. You don't want to wake up Godzilla.
03:23He's in there somewhere.
03:24Oh, sakes are right. Right into the jungle book.
03:30He's the king of the swingers.
03:33Jungle VIP.
03:36What was all that about?
03:41Good lad, good lad.
03:42Build it and they will come.
03:50There's a Jackie Chan.
03:52Busts his knee open.
03:54Good recovery.
03:56And then he recovers again.
04:00He's going for it this lad.
04:01He's going for it this lad.
04:02In the end, it turns into the Poseidon adventure.
04:07Someone has to rescue him from the water.
04:11Oh! He banged his chest there.
04:15Debbie does dance.
04:17Oh!
04:19You're still in. You're still in. Don't give up.
04:21Oh, no you're not.
04:24He was doing all right.
04:28And then, he just gave up.
04:32Let's see this for my ridiculous replay.
04:35He didn't understand.
04:36He could have had class.
04:38He could have been a contender.
04:40He could have been somebody instead of a bum.
04:42Which is what he is now.
04:44No time for bumming around.
04:4661 to play high rollers.
04:48Stop the press! I want to get off!
04:57Oh dear.
04:59Never mind that.
05:07To me, to you, to me, to you.
05:09You're at the game.
05:10Come on!
05:11Come on!
05:12Come on!
05:13Come on!
05:14Come on!
05:15Come on!
05:17Oh, it's Die Hard!
05:19He tried his best.
05:21But at the end, he died with a vengeance.
05:24Come on!
05:25Come on!
05:27Come on!
05:29Come on!
05:31Come on!
05:33Come on!
05:35Come on!
05:37Come on!
05:38Come on!
05:40Oh!
05:41Banned ahead there.
05:43She'll never have total recall again.
05:50Good game this year.
05:51We get from one side to the other.
05:53Oh, he did it!
05:56Well done!
05:57That's the way you do it.
05:58He's been terminated.
06:13It's the running man.
06:14Can he get through?
06:16Or is he just Terminator 2?
06:20He's doing the road run.
06:22It's Tom and Jerry all over again.
06:25The movie where they speak.
06:28He's gone.
06:30Terminator 2, he became.
06:38All right, lad.
06:39All right, all right.
06:41Calm down, calm down.
06:47You was it.
06:49He was a bit psycho there.
06:54I thought I wouldn't want to see him in the shower.
06:58Oh, he's in a catch-22 situation.
07:03He's gone back for his keys.
07:07All right, try again.
07:11It's catch-22-2.
07:14I know they never made it, but they could.
07:16It's going back again.
07:23It's stretching the story if they go for a third time shortly.
07:27Catch-22-3.
07:30I'll be black and blue.
07:32I'll be back again.
07:33I'll be back again.
07:34I'll be back again.
07:36I'm going back again.
07:37I'll be back then.
07:38Is that a sushi port?
07:39This isn't a sushi port.
07:40General Lee, touching on the shoulder, could be love story.
07:47Oh!
07:50After all that, let's see this to my ridiculous replay.
07:53That's another fine mesh you've gotten yourself into.
07:57Let's not rest on our lollies and be too hardy on him.
08:01Because with the remaining 52, it's time to swing in sling, swing, fling.
08:06Well done, lad!
08:10Oh!
08:13He swooped like that pterodactyl in Jason, the Argonauts.
08:17He got the ball, couldn't put it in the pot.
08:21Never mind, white men can't jump.
08:24What about Japanese women?
08:28She's a basket case now.
08:32They might be giants!
08:34This one's a fake.
08:40Gets turned into a black and white minstrel by the black-hearted god.
08:47Oh, hey, it's Dumbo!
08:49Come on, Dumbo!
08:52You swag it!
08:57He's got a long memory.
08:58He'll remember this for the rest of his life.
09:00Chucks away!
09:01Yes!
09:02Come on!
09:03Yes!
09:04In the pots!
09:05Yes!
09:06Yes!
09:07Come on!
09:08Yes!
09:09In the pots!
09:11Oh, no!
09:12He misses it!
09:13They're parachuting at the sky like Patrick Swayze!
09:14In point break!
09:15I was gonna say Dirty Dancing!
09:16But he's the Dirty Dancer!
09:17Get him out of the water!
09:18He's gonna drown!
09:19Get him out of the water!
09:20He's gonna drown!
09:21This guy's from the Village People movie!
09:22I bet he wishes he was in the Navy!
09:24He's wet enough!
09:25like Patrick Swayze in point break! I was gonna say Dirty Dancer but he's the
09:32Dirty Dancer! Get him out of the water, he's going to drown!
09:39This guy's from the Village People movie.
09:47I bet he wishes he was in the Navy, he's wet enough.
09:55She misses the ball, she took her eye off it.
09:59Let's see this for my ridiculous replay, I tell you her voice screeched higher and further
10:05than anybody in a confusing place would dare to dream!
10:11Get busy living or go watch in part two!
10:15That's coming up, crossing the bridge over the River Wye.
10:19We're catching ball in fields of glory.
10:23And it's too fast and too furious and the gauntlet!
10:27And the famous man used to say,
10:29I'm black.
10:33Do you feel lucky?
10:35Well do you punk?
10:37Then go ahead, make my breakfast!
10:39It's bridge ball!
10:45You've gotta get across the bridge over the River Wye!
10:49Carrying the golden snitch!
10:51So lovingly created by J.K. Rowling!
10:55The Harry Potter fame!
10:57Come on lad, be a wizard, get back up!
10:59Come on lad, be a wizard, get back up!
11:05Good lad!
11:07What is that?
11:09Harry Potter 2!
11:11The Chamber of Canon!
11:13Oh no!
11:15Look at that one in the spuds, it's like Rocky out there!
11:19He's taking blows to the head and body!
11:23Some below the belt, just around the gunnels!
11:27Oh, caught the ball!
11:29Well done!
11:35Come on lad!
11:36Oh no!
11:37He couldn't do it!
11:39This guy's got the body, isn't it?
11:49Look at him!
11:51Owners him it's called!
11:53Get back there Jim, you dimwit!
11:59Well, that pretty little number here.
12:03Crouching tiger.
12:05Is she a hidden dragon?
12:07Not spelt her breath.
12:11It's a tiger on the general's back.
12:15Does he think he's born free?
12:17Oh, go on you can do it!
12:19You can, you can!
12:21Oh!
12:23Well done!
12:25She's made it surely!
12:27Don't call me surely!
12:29Airplane!
12:31See what I did there?
12:33Come on then!
12:35Oh dear!
12:37Well done!
12:39It's gunfight at the OK Corral!
12:41He's run out of bullets!
12:43It's dodge city from now on in!
12:45Oh no!
12:47He's fallen unlucky!
12:49Good try lad!
12:51What's up?
12:53What's up?
12:55What's up?
12:57What's up?
12:59What's up?
13:01Oh no!
13:03He's fallen unlucky!
13:05Good try lad!
13:07Good try lad!
13:09Good try lad!
13:11Good try lad!
13:13Good try lad!
13:15Good try lad!
13:17Oh well he dropped the ball!
13:19Mike Bassett England manager very unhappy!
13:23He's showing his backside to the camera!
13:35He's been seen in lots of movies!
13:37Especially Charlie's Angels where Cameron Diaz had a little wiggle!
13:41Didn't mind that meself!
13:43Woah!
13:49Yes!
13:51He's coming back for more!
13:55Is he mad?
13:57Is he mad?
13:59Is he mad?
14:03You got something!
14:05It's the lad!
14:07Bring!
14:11He takes it on the head!
14:15He's going through!
14:17He deserves to!
14:19He produced!
14:21Can this chap direct?
14:23Has he got a sense of direction?
14:25He's got no sense of balance!
14:27From the look of him though, he thinks greed is good!
14:29It cuts through and encapsulates the essence of the Japanese spirit!
14:33Greed for money!
14:35Greed for power!
14:37Never mind show me the money!
14:39What about show me the funny!
14:41This is my ridiculous replay!
14:43Unfortunate for this contestant!
14:45Shaken and stared!
14:47Shaken and stared!
14:49No more martinis for him!
14:5123 to play catch it!
14:53This is a bit like speed too!
14:55Oh, you're not quite so bad!
14:57And Sandra Bullock's not getting the paycheck!
14:59Gotta catch this thing!
15:01Before it goes off in your hand!
15:03Yes!
15:05Well done!
15:07Build it when they will come!
15:09Come on!
15:11Catch it!
15:13Catch it!
15:15It's like a melee!
15:17It's like a melee!
15:19It goes off in your hand!
15:21It goes off in your hand!
15:23Yes!
15:24Well done!
15:25Build it when they will come!
15:27Build it when they will come!
15:29Come on!
15:31Come on!
15:33Catch it!
15:35Catch it!
15:41It's like a melee!
15:43Easy!
15:45Sorry girl!
15:47He loves his baseball!
15:49That chap there!
15:50He can't off!
15:51It's it!
15:52He's happy!
15:53Look at him!
15:54I got it!
15:55I've caught it!
15:56Don't get caught!
15:57Trainspotting mate!
15:58You have to keep your eye out!
15:59It's like a melee!
16:00It's like a melee!
16:01Easy!
16:02He loves his baseball!
16:03That chap there!
16:04He can't off!
16:05It's it!
16:06He's happy!
16:07Look at him!
16:08I got it!
16:09I've caught it!
16:10I've caught it!
16:11Don't get caught!
16:12You have to keep your eye on the ball!
16:14Oh!
16:15Oh!
16:16Oh!
16:17That's a clock for Linda Lovelace of course!
16:19I got it!
16:20Dad!
16:21Ask your dad!
16:22Dad!
16:23Ah!
16:24Well held!
16:25Well held!
16:26Let's see this again for my ridiculous replay!
16:29I find he was so excited he could barely keep still!
16:33Or hold a thought in his head!
16:35I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel!
16:38A free man at the start of a long journey!
16:41Whose conclusion is the gauntlet!
16:42Hold on!
16:43Hold on!
16:44Hold on!
16:45You got it!
16:46You got it!
16:47Hey!
16:48It was decreed too dangerous by the Broadcast and Standards Commission in Japan!
16:53In the scrap for quite a while!
16:56In the end they just thought...
16:58What the heck?
16:59Come on!
17:00What are you got?
17:01You rebelling against something?
17:05What are you rebelling against?
17:07What are you got?
17:09What are you got?
17:10Ohhhhhhh!
17:11Botched!
17:12Bruised!
17:13Beaten!
17:14He's in trouble!
17:16Put it!
17:17Put it!
17:18Put it!
17:19Put it!
17:20Put it!
17:21Put it!
17:22Put it!
17:23Put it!
17:24Put it!
17:25Put it!
17:26Put it!
17:27Put it!
17:28It's like the temple of doom out there will he raid the tomb?
17:38It looks like he's getting close, but where's Kate Capshaw when you need her?
17:47In the end, it's just as a drink
17:52Oh, the front page. He's going at the game. It's Captain Caveman or is it Fred Flintstone? No! It's Animal!
18:11Into the drink
18:13Get out of the way, will you?
18:18Big boy just bounced off his head
18:20But he managed to stay on his feet
18:24Past the space hoppers
18:27Onto the swing bridge
18:30Oh, well ducked
18:35Hey, you lucky ducker
18:37Oh, it's Tarzan now
18:41Yes!
18:44You know you've got it, lad
18:47You've got what it takes
18:49You are the best
18:51Simply
18:52He's moving like he's in chariots of fire
19:03He wants to be careful, no one puts him out
19:08Oh, he caught him with a backdraft there
19:12But he's still doing
19:14George of the jungle
19:16Well done, young man
19:20Doing well
19:23Doing well
19:23I love the music playing
19:31It's a bit like Trumpton the movie
19:33It's a bit like Trumpton the movie
19:34Oh, well missed
19:41Oh, he's doing well this lad
19:45Moving with speed
19:47Oh, no!
19:49Oh, it all ends in tears.
19:55It's an unrequited love story for him.
19:59But he's glad he missed that.
20:02It's like an earthquake.
20:04That was a terrible film.
20:09Stop that turning.
20:10Motor can't be that strong.
20:14He was with a high jump there.
20:16And it's turning to Mrs. Dirtfire.
20:19Because he's a sheep.
20:21And she hasn't got a hairy chest like Robert Williams has.
20:25And a hairy back.
20:27And she is so much hair.
20:33Which is a great 60s musical.
20:35Lots of naked people in.
20:37I'll ask you that again.
20:40Come on, you can make it.
20:42Everybody's kung fu fighting.
20:46Come on, grasshopper, you can do it.
20:50Don't come short.
20:53Ends up in deep.
20:55Let's see this again for my ridiculous replay.
20:58Playing this game is like a box of chocolates.
21:01You never know what you're going to get.
21:03Especially with animals involved.
21:07Tell you what, it's furious flashback time.
21:09So say hello to my little friend.
21:11These are all political prisoners from Kuva.
21:14Oh, he bounced off.
21:24Oh, he bounced off.
21:26Oh, he wasic.
21:29But now you cashy heads want to know how the story ends.
21:34Only a famous showdown will do.
21:37And what could be more spurious
21:38than to challenge the count himself in the great car park.
21:43Six to try.
21:48Come on.
21:54Come on, count.
21:58You know you want it.
22:00From the beds.
22:01Oh, go.
22:02And here they are in their dinky dodgins.
22:09Like extras from Flash Gordon.
22:11He's like an extra from Flash Gordon.
22:18Different film.
22:19You've got to keep your ring from being penetrated here.
22:24You've got to keep your ring from being penetrated here.
22:26You've got to keep your ring from being penetrated here.
22:28You've got to keep your ring from being penetrated here.
22:30I'll go ahead and hit it.
22:31I'll hit it.
22:34It could have been a movie.
22:36No winners this time on Takeshi's castle.
22:39Here's a thought.
22:41To play is to suffer.
22:42To avoid suffering, one must not play.
22:45But then one suffers from not playing.
22:46Therefore, to play is to suffer.
22:48Not to play is to suffer.
22:49And to suffer is to suffer.
22:51To be happy is to play.
22:52To be happy then is to suffer.
22:53But suffering makes one unhappy.
22:55Therefore, to be unhappy.
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