- 5/5/2025
Rachel Bradley takes prisoners in her first standup comedy special release, filmed live at the El Portal Theatre in North Hollywood.
#comedy #standupcomedy #standup
#comedy #standupcomedy #standup
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FunTranscript
00:00:00I
00:00:30Hiya, toots.
00:00:31Hey.
00:00:32Let me ask you something.
00:00:33Why does a cute little cupcake like you want to do a big comedy show like this?
00:00:42Aren't you scared?
00:00:43No.
00:00:44Well, if you get scared out there, come back here and I'll make you feel safe.
00:00:48I'll give you a big man hug.
00:00:50Now I'm scared.
00:00:51It's a little free advice.
00:00:52You'd do better if you didn't wear a bra.
00:00:55You're wearing one.
00:00:57It's a corset.
00:00:59It's French.
00:01:00No, it's not.
00:01:01I could use a sandwich.
00:01:02No, you couldn't.
00:01:04She is funny.
00:01:05Step right up, Alfred.
00:01:07Hey, sexy.
00:01:08Just wanted to wish you good luck tonight.
00:01:10When you're done, come back here.
00:01:11You and I will go out, you know, a little role play.
00:01:14Maybe you'll play the part of Mount Everest.
00:01:16I'll play the part of a Sherpa.
00:01:17And let me tell you something.
00:01:19I'm spending a lot of time down in base camp.
00:01:22Seriously?
00:01:23You're all the same.
00:01:24You got something against dwarves?
00:01:26No.
00:01:27Men.
00:01:28Hmm.
00:01:29You know, you'd be a lot funnier on stage if you didn't wear a bra.
00:01:41Well, let me tell you.
00:01:42You're missing out.
00:01:43Because you know what they say.
00:01:44Once you go small, you'll have a thing in...
00:01:49Rachel!
00:01:50Congratulations on your comedy special.
00:01:51And you know what?
00:01:52You and I should go out.
00:01:53Huh?
00:01:54You and I.
00:01:55I and you should go out and do some stuff.
00:01:56You gotta let me help you take off your bra.
00:01:58Oh, yeah.
00:01:59Ha!
00:02:00Hey!
00:02:01Hey!
00:02:02Hey!
00:02:03and do some stuff.
00:02:04You gotta let me help you take off your bra!
00:02:07Oh, yeah!
00:02:09Hey!
00:02:15Oh!
00:02:25You ready?
00:02:26Yeah.
00:02:27Goes to comedy future, baby.
00:02:29Okay, I could use your advice.
00:02:31Be funny.
00:02:32Is that it?
00:02:33That's it!
00:02:34What do you got?
00:02:35You gotta be funny, man!
00:02:36That's it!
00:02:37Forget it's a man's world.
00:02:38Although I did have to grow a beard because of it.
00:02:41Now I only get the creeps.
00:02:42Hey, gorgeous.
00:02:43Why don't the three of them...
00:02:44No!
00:02:48So, look.
00:02:49Now's your chance for them to give it all back to you tonight.
00:02:52One night.
00:02:54That's it?
00:02:55That's it.
00:02:56Okay.
00:02:57All right.
00:02:58Well, thanks.
00:02:59Rachel, from the heart,
00:03:00always wear a bra.
00:03:02Got it.
00:03:04Please welcome...
00:03:05Rachel Bradley!
00:03:07In 1923, the Equal Rights Amendment was introduced and it said that women were equal to men, which is ridiculous because we're not equal.
00:03:24We're better.
00:03:25Except in pull-ups.
00:03:26And rape.
00:03:27Because you guys are crushing those.
00:03:28And it's not fair because it all comes down to upper body strength.
00:03:31So think about it, you guys.
00:03:32It's been 97 years and it still hasn't been ratified.
00:03:34I blame the Cardassians.
00:03:35It's not fair because it all comes down to upper body strength.
00:03:38So think about it, you guys.
00:03:39It's been 97 years and it still hasn't been ratified.
00:03:40I blame the Kardashians.
00:03:41Because the Kardashians are to women what the KKK was to black people.
00:03:45Poor Kanye.
00:03:46Poor Kanye.
00:03:47And it's not fair.
00:03:48And it's not fair because it all comes down to upper body strength.
00:03:53So think about it, you guys.
00:03:56It's been 97 years and it still hasn't been ratified.
00:04:00I blame the Kardashians.
00:04:02Because the Kardashians are to women what the KKK was to black people.
00:04:08Poor Kanye.
00:04:18So here's how it went down.
00:04:19In 1975, 35 states had ratified the ERA.
00:04:24And a bunch of housewives that didn't want to work and they wanted to drink all day,
00:04:27they came together and they fought against it.
00:04:29And five states pulled their ratification.
00:04:32Which proves that women have 99 problems and bitches are all of them.
00:04:38So by, it's crazy, right?
00:04:43So I know you guys were like, well, what areas would not ratify the ERA?
00:04:47Well, they're the states with a lot of unused libraries and alien abductions.
00:04:54And surprise, toilet babies.
00:05:02I'm giving you guys a history and a geography lesson.
00:05:05Okay.
00:05:06So if the map of the United States was the profile of a naked fat man, all the hot sweaty parts hate women.
00:05:21And that's where I'm from.
00:05:24I'm from the South, born and raised.
00:05:26I love growing up there because I learned great things.
00:05:29I learned things like the quickest way to a man's heart is through faking a pregnancy.
00:05:33And I learned it from good parents, you guys.
00:05:37My dad was a Marine officer during Vietnam.
00:05:40And my mom was a hippie.
00:05:43My mom was a hippie.
00:05:46I was raised by rainbow and Rambo.
00:05:49But my mom was a Southern hippie, you know, like she wanted peace, even if she had to shoot people to get it.
00:05:56And you guys know, hippie movement was all about honesty and truth.
00:06:00Truth that ended up buying my shrink a Tesla.
00:06:04Because I was little and my brother and I were like, hey mom, where do babies come from?
00:06:09And she pulled out medical photos and made us watch a battlefield birth training film.
00:06:15Called push.
00:06:18Hooah.
00:06:21And my brother still can't eat tacos.
00:06:29Earliest conversation I ever remember having with my mom.
00:06:32I was four.
00:06:33Okay, Rachel, come to bed.
00:06:35Three things.
00:06:36Number one, I love you.
00:06:37Number two, Jesus loves you.
00:06:39And number three, your daddy never got circumcised.
00:06:42Sleep tight.
00:06:44I was on vacation three years ago, snowboarding.
00:06:50And my dad calls me and I pick up the phone and my dad's at a 12.
00:06:53Rachel, I'm in the hospital.
00:06:55Oh my God, dad, are you okay?
00:06:57I'm fine, but let's just say that at 67 years of age, I've finally taken off my turtleneck.
00:07:03Hey dad, should I be on your circumcision phone tree?
00:07:16He was on morphine at the time, or as he was calling it, honey from Jesus's TDs.
00:07:18Good parents.
00:07:27My mom was an intellectual.
00:07:30My mom, you know, she was a PhD professor.
00:07:33She went to the Middle East to teach art, of course, because terrorists need happy trees too.
00:07:39And my mom, like, she was such a smart person and so she raised us like that.
00:07:45She actually taught us all to read from the Wall Street Journal.
00:07:48Yes, and so my friends would see monsters in their closet.
00:07:53I saw a bull market in Bernie Madoff.
00:08:01Okay.
00:08:02And Freddie Mercury.
00:08:05Okay, listen, hear me out.
00:08:07Because I accidentally watched the video to Bohemian Rhapsody.
00:08:11And let me just tell you, no five-year-old is prepared for that level of dental aggression.
00:08:17Not everyone is ready for their close-up.
00:08:24My whole family will tell you that I was in my parents' bedroom like three nights a week
00:08:30because Freddie Mercury was in the closet.
00:08:41I was psychic.
00:08:42I did, I had these great parents, you guys.
00:08:47And so they protected me and they helped me not get into crazy stuff like a lot of my friends did.
00:08:53My best friend in high school used to cut herself with a razor.
00:08:57When she was naked, she looked like a harshly graded test paper.
00:09:06Okay, all of you have to stop being pussies.
00:09:12My parents, they were really committed to me turning out to be a good person, you know.
00:09:19And so as most of you have already guessed, they sent me to this really strict Christian school.
00:09:27This school was really strict, you guys.
00:09:29In order to get tenure, you had to have stigmata.
00:09:32The name of the school was Faith Evangelical Bible Church of the Ecclesiastical Brotherhood of the Jesus and Mary Chain.
00:09:45Gang.
00:09:46So strict.
00:09:47My principal held school assembly.
00:09:48Nailed to a cross.
00:09:49I'm in third grade in the back of assembly and this is all I see.
00:09:50All right.
00:09:51One.
00:09:52Two.
00:09:53Jesus was a Jew.
00:09:54Three.
00:09:55Four.
00:09:56He don't like him no more.
00:09:57All right.
00:09:58Shut your prayer holes.
00:09:59all right one two jesus was a jew three four he don't like him no more
00:10:09all right shut your prayer holes all you condemned sinners grades k through three
00:10:16i want to tell you guys we have a new exercise program it's called prelates
00:10:24for those of you that don't believe in exercise you may attend pontius pilates
00:10:30okay well some of you need to read the bible clearly
00:10:37first order of business let me check my notes
00:10:41oh y'all we are no longer gonna hold a third grade talent show thanks to rachel bradley's
00:10:50rousing rendition of sexual healing
00:10:57i have never seen anyone make the sign of the cross by doing the upside down splits
00:11:04pray for her
00:11:06next thing we're going to hand out another copy of the dress code please try and remember
00:11:10that shorts are not allowed because it starts with exposed knees and then it leads to exposed
00:11:15vgs and weenies and that's in ecclesiastes
00:11:22don't look it up
00:11:24we don't need you to read because people are dangerous when they read and besides we take
00:11:30creative license with the bible we took the bible flipped it and reversed it
00:11:34okay well hell we made jesus white didn't we
00:11:42because who's gonna trust a brown guy in long robes that looks like he could blow up a 747 am i right
00:11:52by the way i don't want to scare you children but if you wear shorts you might get aids
00:12:01and look little timmy this is what i want to say about aids because you keep asking me over and over
00:12:09you know you're like you know what about them innocent babies in africa and this is what i'm
00:12:13going to tell you about aids it's a disease for sinners i don't care how you got it whether you
00:12:17had a blood transfusion or you had your heinie hotbox by a homo
00:12:20innocent babies my dingle and dangle do y'all know how evil you would have to be as a baby to get aids
00:12:29clap with me i can't make the noise
00:12:38clap with me i can feel the spirit moving in this room tonight
00:12:44i think that this is an important time to bring up my weekly announcement that men were doing just
00:12:52perfectly fine until he was force-fed an apple by a woman of course eve the original yoko uno
00:13:00final order of business
00:13:07oh y'all listen contrary to the overwhelming number of comment cards we have received
00:13:16we are not going to serve wine instead of grape juice at communion this sunday
00:13:20and y'all keep saying but jesus turned water into wine well listen i know that that happened
00:13:26but wine leads to aids
00:13:28or even worse it leads to dancing
00:13:33oh yeah you know because dancing sure that's fine if you don't mind spending eternity shaking
00:13:40your nasty parts on the scalding hot coals of the devil's discotheque snorting satan's cocaine
00:13:44and having your rear end diddle by beelzebub
00:13:46now let us pray in the beloved baby jesus name he who taught us to love to forgive so that we could
00:13:56bastardize that into believing that we are better than everyone else
00:13:59can somebody get a claw hammer and get me down i got a 12 30 with my divorce attorney
00:14:10because jesus hung with hookers and i was made in his image
00:14:18i want to be really clear about that because some of you are like ha i very much believe in jesus what
00:14:32i don't believe in are the helmet-headed hypocrites that are peddling his product for personal profit
00:14:37that's my problem
00:14:39and by the way 99 percent of evangelicals hate that bit
00:14:47and a hundred percent of them are in my family
00:14:50do you know what i think the biggest problem for women right now is
00:14:57it is not men
00:14:58it always blows my mind when people go men
00:15:01especially when a guy says men
00:15:03no it's not men if you think it's men i'll hold a little seminar in the lobby after the show
00:15:09it'll last 22 seconds i'll teach you how to bake a chicken and how to do this hand motion and we'll go home
00:15:14and men are thrilled look at all of them they're they're like yes
00:15:20why have you not taught this seminar sooner
00:15:22biggest problem for women is not men it's other women
00:15:27isn't it because women are brutal to each other aren't we holy we are awful like did you hate me when i walked out
00:15:37oh
00:15:41because i hated you
00:15:44women be honest we rarely are but pretend to be honest
00:15:50we don't automatically like other women do we
00:15:55no
00:15:56if you want another woman to like you you have to earn that
00:16:00or pound five bottles of pinot noir
00:16:03then we're in our jammies we're crying we're instagram stalking our exes
00:16:11we're awkwardly making out
00:16:14i think women we're kind of a mess because of that because we don't support each other
00:16:20and we're jealous of each other do you guys know what i really believe
00:16:23if women could just come together we could run the entire world
00:16:29except if you look throughout history whenever women have stood up for ourselves
00:16:40and we fought for our rights we haven't been respected for that have we
00:16:43no they make fun of us they don't believe us they call us names like bitch or even worse
00:16:49that nasty c word
00:16:51crazy
00:16:54followed by the phrase just like your mother
00:17:00oh my god
00:17:03okay all of you need couples counseling
00:17:08but did you hear that women we don't like that do we crazy just like your mother
00:17:15no woman wants to be like her mother
00:17:17that bitch is crazy
00:17:20you guys i swore i would never be anything like my mom
00:17:29so i only lived with men who still lived with theirs
00:17:33oh my god i pickaxed my way to the top of the asshole appellation
00:17:39vodka was my sherpa
00:17:42i did i actually i proved my mom wrong i uh joined weight watchers for four years
00:17:51um well no i actually just dated a guy that told me i was fat
00:17:55what weight loss with no membership dues why are you owing that
00:18:01this guy was a baseball player um he had a 280 batting average on the field and a 880 on my windshield
00:18:08he had this really moving philosophy about life if you love something set it on fire
00:18:17and he inspired me to take xanax
00:18:22because i found out that xanax is great in a bad relationship
00:18:28xanax is just asshole whiteout
00:18:30last fight that i had with this guy was brutal
00:18:35and it was because i thought that meth binge was a bad excuse for missing christmas
00:18:41and new year's
00:18:44and march
00:18:46and we're fighting right and he's mad and he pushes me down as usual
00:18:54and he's standing over me and he screams you're crazy
00:18:57exactly like your mother
00:18:59and i stood up off the ihop bathroom floor
00:19:04and i wipe the urine infused maple syrup from my sequin hot pants
00:19:10and i kneed him so hard in the crotch
00:19:14he blew a bubble
00:19:17look i'm not condoning that a woman ever kick you in the balls
00:19:30i'm just reminding her that she can
00:19:33such a weird time for women
00:19:42i think it's such a cool thing that we're in right now
00:19:45like the whole me too movement you guys
00:19:48harvey weinstein
00:19:49louis ck
00:19:50do you know what blows my mind
00:19:53is that women we are actually called the weaker sex and yet somehow every day we find the strength to not jerk off in front of complete strangers
00:20:05the struggle is real
00:20:16check this out did you guys realize that women of all colors all of us in this room
00:20:25did not get the right to vote or own land until 50 years after black men
00:20:31yes that's because white men realize that people they'd enslave for 400 years would be easier
00:20:37to reason with
00:20:44we can't get offended though can we ladies because we're busy aren't we
00:20:48yes we are too busy to have rights
00:20:51we're busy being baby makers and ball breakers and cock teases and gold diggers and arm candy and eye candy and strippers named candy
00:21:00i hate strippers no offense
00:21:08you know why because strippers make me look lazy
00:21:13because i'm like you want me to put on high heels and then climb a pole
00:21:19and dirty bounce you for a dollar
00:21:23no
00:21:29oh how about i sit on your couch while you rub my feet and bring me vodka
00:21:35and not the cheap crap my daddy didn't abandon me
00:21:43here's your dollar
00:21:48i sometimes hear myself when i'm up here i know i'm a little bit militant i'm my mom made me this way
00:21:57my mom made me everything that i am today the good stuff i did the bad stuff on my own
00:22:00and i remember from the time i was a little girl it was so important to my mom that i knew that i was an alpha chick
00:22:07and she always told me that what that meant
00:22:09was that an alpha chick would stand up for herself and she would stand for other women
00:22:14and she would stand that whole time in five inch heels
00:22:17and guys if you're wondering if you're with an alpha chick if you live in seventy percent fear
00:22:24yeah
00:22:30oh no man like my mom was like that because my mom was raised by another alpha chick my mom was raised by my grandma jean
00:22:42my grandma jean is 86 years old and that's an age where you have some replacement parts
00:22:49and a perm that could stop bullets
00:22:53you know my grandma lives in a small town in north carolina where i'm from and she went and got her eyebrows tattooed on
00:23:02but they're crooked
00:23:06and now she always looks suspicious
00:23:11she is suspicious
00:23:16do you guys know anyone in their 80s or 90s
00:23:19oh my god they are suspicious of everything aren't they
00:23:22and i thought about it i get it because at 86 you can't even trust a fart
00:23:2786 and southern when she talks she sounds like a banjo
00:23:40that's been sucking whippets
00:23:42you know like a yamaha but racist
00:23:47my god tell me you guys have these old people in your families
00:23:53that will just say anything
00:23:56right like they're fun to hang out with but you might get shot
00:24:01i think these people have lived a lifetime and they finally retire and they have won at life
00:24:08and they realize that their prize for winning is death
00:24:11and they know that you're gonna throw them in a box
00:24:15dress them like a drag queen and steal their flat screen
00:24:18these old people aren't incontinent they just decided
00:24:24you guys are picturing those you're like damn it
00:24:32that's my grandma jean i'm hanging out with her in north carolina like about three summers ago
00:24:40turns to me out of dead silence and goes
00:24:43hey honey you know them people
00:24:45and i'm super l.a white and guilty so i looked for them people
00:24:49and plus i drink vodka so i have the blood clot response of old faithful
00:24:54and i go yeah and she goes you know them people what do they like to be called
00:25:01oriental chinamen
00:25:03you know they cannot drive but they sure can paint a pretty toe
00:25:09while he's painting her toes
00:25:16and don't get these old people computers or ipads because you will become tech support
00:25:26and these old people wake up at 3 a.m. for their bowel bonanza
00:25:31grandma got an ipad i regret the day i'm tech support
00:25:35she wakes me up the first time two o'clock in the morning our time
00:25:39and she's already at a 12 i'm asleep and she's like
00:25:42honey i need your help i cannot get on my whiffy
00:25:45you gotta help me i'm trying to watch a cooking show it's called two girls one cup
00:25:51because my cousin is an asshole
00:25:59i think like all of us in here everybody responds
00:26:09about when i say do you have these crazy old people in your family
00:26:12and if you think about it we really do think that they're crazy
00:26:16but they're also kind of badasses because it's a different generation than we are right
00:26:19my grandparents were married for 55 years
00:26:24isn't that crazy
00:26:25because back then you didn't divorce them you shot them
00:26:30and he died three years ago
00:26:34she didn't shoot him
00:26:36according to the court documents
00:26:39he had dementia
00:26:46this was the moment you guys i really got my grandma's heart
00:26:49i went to her because i felt sorry for her you know i was like i felt pity
00:26:52and i said grandma i'm so sorry how do you even live with that
00:26:56you know that you have to take care of his every need and his bodily function
00:26:59and everything for the last three years of his life
00:27:01and this woman looked me dead in the eye with a little twinkle
00:27:05and she goes
00:27:05eh so for the last three years he thought i was art garfunkel
00:27:09it's the home perm
00:27:12we got 52 amazing years out of that
00:27:18and i thought how freaking cool is that perspective
00:27:21because we don't think like that anymore
00:27:23we don't notice the good
00:27:24we only notice the bad
00:27:25and i started thinking
00:27:26my grandparents have been teaching me lessons like that my whole life
00:27:29even after he got dementia
00:27:31my grandfather taught me that if you walk into an applebee's
00:27:34and you tell them that your shoes are about to explode
00:27:36you will get a table right away
00:27:43even the week that he died my grandma called me she was so excited
00:27:48because he saw her climbing one of those little ladders to change a light bulb
00:27:52he stopped her
00:27:53you guys he could barely stand up at this point
00:27:56and he climbed that ladder while she held it
00:27:58and he changed that light bulb for her
00:28:00and that taught me true love
00:28:03and how many old people it takes to screw in a light bulb
00:28:06i think one of the hardest things i've ever had to go through was last summer
00:28:17i had to go to north carolina
00:28:18and i had to visit grandma jean's grave for the very first time
00:28:22with grandma jean
00:28:25are old people doing this here
00:28:28okay you guys don't know about this
00:28:32old people are putting up their headstones early and decorating them
00:28:36it's like elderly scrapbooking
00:28:38it has her name
00:28:42her birth year
00:28:43a dash
00:28:44and coming soon
00:28:47she wanted me to take her picture with it
00:28:52for her christmas card
00:28:58think about that you guys
00:29:0755 years with someone
00:29:08we don't we don't do that anymore right
00:29:10like 55 years what would that take
00:29:12you know my grandma gave my grandfather
00:29:14her heart her soul her life her love
00:29:17one time she gave him an enema
00:29:18i told you guys she will just say anything
00:29:23so she told me all about that
00:29:25at dinner last thanksgiving
00:29:26yeah i reacted that way
00:29:31i was like ha
00:29:31why would you do that
00:29:34an enema should not be a team building effort
00:29:36we can cut this
00:29:40but this stool is so short
00:29:42i went to sit and i went
00:29:45that was crazy right
00:29:57like 55 years it blows my mind
00:29:59so my grandma she gave him an enema
00:30:01i found out about it at dinner last thanksgiving
00:30:03and um
00:30:05grandma was sitting right here
00:30:11and she started to tell me the story
00:30:12and she said that my grandfather was having what she called a prostate scare
00:30:18and i don't know what that means
00:30:21because it sounds like something that happens on cell block c at midnight
00:30:26so he goes to the doctor with this prostate scare
00:30:33first thing that the doctor tells him is that he should go home and do an enema
00:30:36and obviously he thought i should invite some people
00:30:39so i'm at the thanksgiving table
00:30:43my whole family's there
00:30:44my grandma's right here
00:30:45and i'm right there to her right
00:30:46and she just launches into the story
00:30:47like i'm not vomiting turkey into my napkin
00:30:50so i'm sitting on the edge of the bathtub
00:30:54and your papa is on all fours
00:30:56right in front of me
00:30:57got his hiney hole just pointed at me
00:30:59and i didn't have my glasses
00:31:05at my age this is like trying to thread a needle
00:31:12so i pulled out my douche bottle
00:31:23and i don't know what she means
00:31:27because to my generation
00:31:28douche is an insult
00:31:30not an insert
00:31:31apparently my grandfather didn't like it either
00:31:36because she said in that moment
00:31:37he turns around
00:31:38he sees this cannon coming at him
00:31:40and he goes
00:31:41hey you're not putting that anywhere near my rear end
00:31:44show some respect
00:31:46i was in the coast guard
00:31:47and it worked
00:31:52and so they separate
00:31:53she has to find a tool suitable for a seaman
00:31:56some of you are five years old like i am
00:32:04and they come back together
00:32:08and you guys i knew in this moment
00:32:10that i was going to put this on stage
00:32:12even though she still doesn't really know
00:32:13that i do comedy about her at all
00:32:15and i said grandma what did you find that you could use
00:32:19and she goes a turkey baster
00:32:21what's your first question
00:32:26i go grandma a turkey baster
00:32:28or the turkey baster
00:32:31totally ignores me
00:32:38so i'm back on the edge of the bathtub
00:32:40and your backup papa back on all fours
00:32:43right in front of me
00:32:44he got his turret locked and loaded
00:32:45ready to go
00:32:46and this time unfortunately
00:32:48i had my glasses
00:32:49so i could see it very well
00:32:51and i could see because he was nervous
00:32:54it's tight
00:32:55it was so tight
00:32:59it looks like his arms are crossed
00:33:01so i knew i had to relax him
00:33:06to get it in
00:33:06so i took the baster and i started making airplane noises
00:33:10and it worked it made him laugh
00:33:16and now he's laughing and i'm laughing
00:33:18but the problem is now his hiney hole is going
00:33:21i'm winkie winkie winkie winkie winkie winkie winkie i looked away in terror i looked back and still going winkie winkie winkie winkie winkie so i went for it i put it in winkie winkie winkie it popped out
00:33:37i picked it up this time i was determined i held it in i held it winky it popped out
00:33:43I held it.
00:33:44Wiggy, it popped out.
00:33:47I made a homemade party blower.
00:33:57A lot of you came in here tonight
00:34:00thinking
00:34:02that you know what true love is.
00:34:11But you were wrong.
00:34:13Because that, people,
00:34:16that is true love.
00:34:23And why I'm a vegan.
00:34:29It was growing up with that level of love, you guys,
00:34:32that I could see that, you know,
00:34:34I wanted that.
00:34:35And that's why I think I ended up
00:34:38on that IHOP bathroom floor that night
00:34:40because I just wanted love, right?
00:34:41And I had this whole moment
00:34:43when he screamed at me,
00:34:45you're crazy like your mom.
00:34:46And I realized, oh my God,
00:34:47I was giving him power over me
00:34:50because I thought the worst thing in the world
00:34:53would be to be like my mom.
00:34:56And I saw myself.
00:34:58I'm like, oh my God,
00:34:59you are in hot pants,
00:35:01go-go boots,
00:35:02holding a vibrating hairbrush
00:35:04because you're on Molly
00:35:05at a pancake house at 3 a.m.
00:35:09Your mother is a beautiful artist
00:35:12who's a department chair
00:35:14and a full professor in the Middle East
00:35:17and she's changing the lives
00:35:18of young women in the Middle East.
00:35:20And I realized it
00:35:23and I just got it right then
00:35:25and I pushed him down
00:35:26for the very first time
00:35:28and the very last time
00:35:30and I stood over him
00:35:31and I said,
00:35:32I'm crazy just like my mother?
00:35:35And he goes, yeah.
00:35:37And I said, thank you.
00:35:39Highest compliment you've ever paid me.
00:35:46And then I kicked him in the balls again.
00:35:48But I did it classy
00:35:52like my mama taught me.
00:35:58Do you guys ever look back on your lives
00:36:00and you're just amazed
00:36:01that you're not dead?
00:36:03I was so wild.
00:36:04I just kind of gave you a window
00:36:06into who Rachel really was back then.
00:36:08I'm so, I was so wild.
00:36:09I'm just amazed that I'm not dead.
00:36:11My mom always said,
00:36:13Rachel, Jesus protects idiots,
00:36:15fools and retards.
00:36:16So you're covered.
00:36:18When she said that to me,
00:36:22I had another moment
00:36:23and I went, wow,
00:36:24you will just say anything.
00:36:28You're exactly like your mother.
00:36:34And my mom held up
00:36:35these three fingers
00:36:37and went, read between the lines.
00:36:39And I thought, damn,
00:36:42she even makes an insult
00:36:44a math problem.
00:36:48It was bad.
00:36:49Went through a bad time.
00:36:50My parents got divorced
00:36:51when I was a teenager.
00:36:53My parents, you know,
00:36:54it's obvious, right?
00:36:54A hippie and a soldier.
00:36:56My parents cannot be together.
00:36:58They are diabetes and feet.
00:37:00And so you guys know,
00:37:08your parents get divorced
00:37:09when you're a teenager.
00:37:11That's like a starting gun
00:37:12for psychosis.
00:37:13And so in 2001,
00:37:14I overdosed on GHB,
00:37:16the date rape drug.
00:37:19I date raped myself.
00:37:23Don't applaud that.
00:37:24But in my defense,
00:37:27I was asking for it.
00:37:31So my parents were like, no.
00:37:33And so they made me move
00:37:35to a backwoods redneck hellhole.
00:37:37The name of the place
00:37:38was Uncertain Texas.
00:37:41You already know it, don't you?
00:37:43The people that lived there
00:37:44were very uncertain
00:37:45about dental floss
00:37:48and the Emancipation Proclamation.
00:37:52I was a girl in the South, right?
00:37:55And so I had two choices.
00:37:57Number one,
00:37:58I could squeeze out
00:37:59future illiterate food stamp redeemers.
00:38:04Then spend my days
00:38:10trying to repack
00:38:11the deployed parachute
00:38:12my vagina had become.
00:38:22Or I could stay single,
00:38:25stay sane,
00:38:26and go for a blood alcohol content
00:38:28with a third decimal point.
00:38:31Yes.
00:38:32I'm a dreamer.
00:38:33So I enrolled
00:38:34in a Baptist university.
00:38:37Because Baptist universities
00:38:38are just undercover
00:38:39alcoholic boot camps.
00:38:41Because Baptists pretend
00:38:42they don't drink
00:38:43like Scientologists
00:38:44pretend they're not gay.
00:38:45So I was 19 years old
00:38:52at the time
00:38:52and so I found
00:38:53this bar
00:38:53that would serve me
00:38:54in my high class taste.
00:38:57Boone's Farm.
00:38:59A double deuce
00:39:00of Colt 45.
00:39:02Or a Zima
00:39:03with a Jolly Rancher
00:39:04dropped in.
00:39:06That's the one.
00:39:07Yes.
00:39:08This place
00:39:09was Cinderblock
00:39:10Gator Swamp.
00:39:11It was a
00:39:11Harper Lee
00:39:12Wet Dream.
00:39:12Oh, not a lot of reading
00:39:16just like in Uncertain.
00:39:20This place
00:39:21it really was
00:39:21it had a bartender
00:39:22named Heather
00:39:23and Heather
00:39:24was never
00:39:25not pregnant.
00:39:28But she always
00:39:29had a Marlboro
00:39:30a Michelob
00:39:31and a court date.
00:39:34So the first time
00:39:35I met her
00:39:35she was pregnant
00:39:36and I was like
00:39:37oh my god
00:39:38congratulations.
00:39:40For what?
00:39:41For the miracle
00:39:43of the baby Jesus
00:39:44trying desperately
00:39:45to claw his way
00:39:46out of your
00:39:47toxic uterus.
00:39:50Oh
00:39:50little baby
00:39:51junior
00:39:52junior
00:39:52junior
00:39:52junior
00:39:53junior
00:39:53you want it.
00:40:01I don't want it
00:40:02because I'm pretty sure
00:40:03you're brewing
00:40:04a little flipper baby.
00:40:07You should learn
00:40:08to sew
00:40:08because Target
00:40:09doesn't carry
00:40:10one-legged onesies.
00:40:11Don't you
00:40:17ooh me
00:40:17I checked
00:40:18for her baby
00:40:18shower.
00:40:25So I walked in
00:40:26on this particular
00:40:27night with these
00:40:27three steroid
00:40:28inflated baseball
00:40:29players.
00:40:30First thing we
00:40:30notice when we
00:40:31walk in is that
00:40:32there's a new group
00:40:32of people inside
00:40:33drinking which
00:40:34was weird because
00:40:34the Rocket Club
00:40:35didn't put out
00:40:36Groupons.
00:40:36The only new
00:40:37drinkers that came
00:40:38into the Rocket Club
00:40:39came against their
00:40:40will because they
00:40:40were in the womb.
00:40:47We're looking at
00:40:48this group of people
00:40:49and one of the guys
00:40:50really stood out
00:40:50because he was
00:40:51massive you guys.
00:40:52He was like
00:40:53seven foot
00:40:54uncertain.
00:40:55covered in tattoos
00:40:58that were obviously
00:40:59self-done
00:41:00because they were
00:41:00backwards.
00:41:03You know the guy
00:41:04that had to become
00:41:04a white supremacist
00:41:05because his tattoos
00:41:06are so badly
00:41:07misspelled
00:41:07they look like
00:41:08German?
00:41:11He had a red
00:41:12mullet.
00:41:16Perm.
00:41:16It was parole
00:41:20hearing in the front
00:41:21jail release
00:41:22par-tay
00:41:23in the back.
00:41:25His name
00:41:26was Bam Bam
00:41:27the third
00:41:29and Bam Bam
00:41:32fixated on me
00:41:33like a glitter
00:41:34bass boat.
00:41:37Wouldn't leave
00:41:38me alone
00:41:39and so
00:41:39I notice
00:41:41that the ball
00:41:41players are scared
00:41:42because he's
00:41:43following me
00:41:44so I get scared
00:41:45because the ball
00:41:46players are on
00:41:47steroids
00:41:47Bam Bam
00:41:48is prison jacked.
00:41:50Steroids do not
00:41:51help in a fight
00:41:52they are just
00:41:52like Viagra
00:41:53the swell
00:41:54is misleading
00:41:55and when it
00:42:03wears off
00:42:04women feel
00:42:04sorry for you.
00:42:09So we know
00:42:10we have to sneak
00:42:11out and so
00:42:11we do
00:42:11we sneak out
00:42:12the front
00:42:12we go into
00:42:13the parking lot
00:42:14but he follows
00:42:14us because
00:42:15to an inbred
00:42:16fear
00:42:16smells like
00:42:17barbecue
00:42:17we go out
00:42:20to the parking
00:42:21lot
00:42:21he comes out
00:42:22there
00:42:22he doesn't
00:42:22come alone
00:42:23he brings
00:42:24a guy
00:42:24with him
00:42:24named Crazy
00:42:26Ray
00:42:26Crazy Ray
00:42:27was four
00:42:28foot eight
00:42:29six three
00:42:31in his
00:42:31clan hat
00:42:32and Bam Bam
00:42:35was calling
00:42:36him
00:42:37daddy
00:42:38oh yeah
00:42:40their gene
00:42:40pull was a
00:42:41septic tank
00:42:42weird
00:42:44weird
00:42:44thing about
00:42:44crazy Ray
00:42:45I remember
00:42:45was that
00:42:46his left
00:42:46eye
00:42:47just stared
00:42:48right at
00:42:48me
00:42:48while the
00:42:49right one
00:42:50furiously
00:42:51spun
00:42:52around
00:42:52it was
00:42:53weed on
00:42:54the left
00:42:55PCP
00:42:56partay
00:42:56on the
00:42:57right
00:42:57they're trying
00:42:59to scare us
00:43:00right
00:43:00and so
00:43:01they open up
00:43:01a trunk
00:43:02of an 88
00:43:03Trans Am
00:43:03and they show
00:43:04us a bunch
00:43:04of guns
00:43:05because in
00:43:06Texas a Trans Am
00:43:07is just a
00:43:07weapon vending
00:43:08machine
00:43:09and I'm
00:43:10looking at
00:43:11these inbred
00:43:12idiots
00:43:12thinking
00:43:13holy crap
00:43:14we don't
00:43:15need stricter
00:43:15gun control
00:43:16we need
00:43:17stricter
00:43:17birth control
00:43:18still trying
00:43:25to scare us
00:43:26so then
00:43:26he invites
00:43:27us to
00:43:28a KKK
00:43:28meeting
00:43:29I was already
00:43:31a smartass
00:43:31so I asked
00:43:32him for
00:43:32a pamphlet
00:43:33and he
00:43:35gave me
00:43:36one
00:43:37now I'm
00:43:39terrified
00:43:39a bigot
00:43:40that's also
00:43:40literate
00:43:41holy crap
00:43:42so our
00:43:43friend Duke
00:43:43grabs his
00:43:44truck
00:43:44we jump
00:43:45into it
00:43:45while it's
00:43:46moving
00:43:46we skid
00:43:47in the
00:43:48gravel
00:43:48we almost
00:43:49hit
00:43:49Bam Bam
00:43:50who punches
00:43:51the hood
00:43:51of the
00:43:51truck
00:43:51and leaves
00:43:52a huge
00:43:52dent
00:43:53in the
00:43:53shape
00:43:53of a
00:43:53rebel
00:43:54flag
00:43:54we take
00:43:57off
00:43:57they jump
00:43:57into this
00:43:58Trans Am
00:43:58they take
00:43:59off after
00:43:59us
00:43:59now we're
00:44:00in a
00:44:00Dukes of
00:44:00Hazard
00:44:01hot
00:44:01pursuit
00:44:01dust
00:44:02is flying
00:44:03banjo
00:44:03music is
00:44:04playing
00:44:04and suddenly
00:44:05Ray Ray
00:44:05and them
00:44:05ballless
00:44:06ball boys
00:44:07was in a
00:44:07heap of
00:44:09trouble
00:44:09now uncertain
00:44:18does not
00:44:19have street
00:44:20lights
00:44:20because the
00:44:21state of
00:44:22Texas
00:44:22promotes
00:44:23natural
00:44:23selection
00:44:24so we
00:44:29pull off
00:44:30we kill
00:44:30our
00:44:31lights
00:44:31they don't
00:44:31see us
00:44:32they keep
00:44:32going past
00:44:33where they
00:44:34were headed
00:44:34is an
00:44:35S curve
00:44:35over railroad
00:44:36tracks
00:44:36where you
00:44:37make a
00:44:37hard left
00:44:38and a
00:44:38hard right
00:44:39so it's
00:44:39a swastika
00:44:40curve
00:44:40but we
00:44:45lost them
00:44:46so we
00:44:47go home
00:44:47not long
00:44:48after I
00:44:48got home
00:44:49that night
00:44:49my
00:44:49stepsister
00:44:50at the
00:44:50time
00:44:51comes home
00:44:51and she
00:44:51is flipping
00:44:52out
00:44:52she came
00:44:53home
00:44:53from a
00:44:54Presbyterian
00:44:54speed date
00:44:55and she
00:44:56the least
00:44:59exciting of
00:45:00all speed
00:45:00dating
00:45:00she did
00:45:04she came
00:45:04home
00:45:04her name
00:45:05was
00:45:05Candace
00:45:05she was
00:45:05freaking
00:45:06out
00:45:06and she
00:45:07said that
00:45:07on her
00:45:07way home
00:45:08she saw
00:45:08a car
00:45:09on fire
00:45:10by the
00:45:11swastika
00:45:11curve
00:45:12and I
00:45:14had the
00:45:14brilliant
00:45:15deductive
00:45:16reasoning
00:45:16of a
00:45:1819 year
00:45:19old girl
00:45:19so I
00:45:21deduced
00:45:22that had
00:45:23nothing to
00:45:24do with
00:45:24me
00:45:25like I
00:45:29had almost
00:45:30lost my
00:45:30life that
00:45:31night
00:45:31the reason
00:45:32why we
00:45:32were so
00:45:32scared
00:45:33is because
00:45:34we found
00:45:34out before
00:45:35we ran
00:45:36out that
00:45:36they were
00:45:37there
00:45:37celebrating
00:45:39getting off
00:45:39on a
00:45:40technicality
00:45:41on charges
00:45:42of murder
00:45:42and rape
00:45:43and it
00:45:43was in
00:45:44that order
00:45:45they're not
00:45:51here
00:45:52and so I
00:45:56knew even
00:45:56as a young
00:45:57girl I was
00:45:57like god I
00:45:58almost died
00:45:59and I
00:45:59vowed in
00:46:00that moment
00:46:00that I
00:46:01would never
00:46:01go back
00:46:02to the
00:46:02rocket
00:46:02club
00:46:03so the
00:46:04next night
00:46:05I walked
00:46:05back into
00:46:05the rocket
00:46:06club
00:46:06because Zima
00:46:08is a
00:46:09jealous
00:46:09mistress
00:46:10I walk
00:46:14in with
00:46:15the same
00:46:15guys
00:46:16and the
00:46:16people that
00:46:17are hanging
00:46:17out in
00:46:17there are
00:46:18looking at
00:46:18us suddenly
00:46:18like we're
00:46:19freaks which
00:46:19is kind
00:46:20of ironic
00:46:20because they
00:46:21look like
00:46:21they play
00:46:22the hokey
00:46:22pokey
00:46:22with a
00:46:22wood chipper
00:46:23they just
00:46:32kept putting
00:46:32it in
00:46:33they didn't
00:46:33get it
00:46:33back out
00:46:34I beeline
00:46:38for
00:46:39Preggers
00:46:39McGregors
00:46:40who was
00:46:41holding
00:46:42her newborn
00:46:43baby
00:46:43who was
00:46:44holding
00:46:45her
00:46:45Michelob
00:46:46she gave
00:46:48birth to
00:46:49a cup
00:46:49holder
00:46:50and I
00:46:52go up
00:46:52to her
00:46:52and she's
00:46:53flicking
00:46:53her
00:46:53Virginia
00:46:54Slim
00:46:54ash
00:46:55into a
00:46:55save the
00:46:56children
00:46:56collection
00:46:57jar
00:46:57which she
00:46:58always did
00:46:59but I
00:47:00noticed that
00:47:00someone had
00:47:01taped a
00:47:01Polaroid
00:47:02of crazy
00:47:03Ray and
00:47:03Bam Bam
00:47:04and I
00:47:05go
00:47:05Heather
00:47:06what's
00:47:06going on
00:47:07are you
00:47:07okay
00:47:07she just
00:47:08goes off
00:47:09she's like
00:47:10you think
00:47:11you're so
00:47:11fancy
00:47:12with your
00:47:13teeth
00:47:15you want
00:47:18to know
00:47:18what happened
00:47:18to my
00:47:19future baby
00:47:19daddy
00:47:20last night
00:47:20I'll tell
00:47:21you
00:47:21they took
00:47:21off after
00:47:22you
00:47:22they hit
00:47:23that
00:47:23swastika
00:47:24curve
00:47:24they never
00:47:24turned left
00:47:25and they
00:47:25got that
00:47:26Trans Am
00:47:26airborne
00:47:27and not
00:47:27in no
00:47:28good
00:47:28Burt Reynolds
00:47:29kind of
00:47:29way
00:47:30car hit
00:47:32a tree
00:47:32it set
00:47:32on fire
00:47:33paramedics
00:47:34showed up
00:47:34crazy
00:47:35Ray was
00:47:35still inside
00:47:36burning
00:47:36eyeballs
00:47:38still a
00:47:38spinning
00:47:39oh
00:47:41Bam Bam
00:47:42well
00:47:42cause his
00:47:43head stuck
00:47:43out them
00:47:44T-tops
00:47:44he got
00:47:45decapitated
00:47:46right where
00:47:49his
00:47:49party
00:47:50ended
00:47:50now legend
00:47:59has it
00:48:00that there
00:48:02were four
00:48:03teenagers
00:48:03involved
00:48:04in the
00:48:05death
00:48:05of these
00:48:06murdering
00:48:06rapists
00:48:07but who
00:48:08they are
00:48:09to this
00:48:10day
00:48:11remains
00:48:12uncertain
00:48:16what I do
00:48:25know
00:48:26is that
00:48:26in the
00:48:26midst
00:48:27of the
00:48:27silence
00:48:27of that
00:48:28dark
00:48:28night
00:48:28in the
00:48:29swamp
00:48:29a large
00:48:30man's
00:48:30head
00:48:31rolled
00:48:31down
00:48:31the
00:48:31street
00:48:32bam
00:48:33bam
00:48:34bam
00:48:35bam
00:48:36bam
00:48:37had to
00:48:44get out
00:48:44of there
00:48:44it was
00:48:45a little
00:48:45thank you
00:48:46one guy
00:48:47it was
00:48:47a little
00:48:48break
00:48:48and I
00:48:50had to
00:48:50get out
00:48:50of there
00:48:51and so
00:48:51I went
00:48:51to East
00:48:52Texas
00:48:52Baptist
00:48:53University
00:48:54for two
00:48:54years
00:48:55and then
00:48:55I transferred
00:48:56to LSU
00:48:57and I
00:48:59ended up
00:48:59graduating
00:49:00with two
00:49:00degrees
00:49:01in English
00:49:01and criminal
00:49:02justice
00:49:03and then
00:49:07I moved
00:49:08to Los
00:49:09Angeles
00:49:09to become
00:49:10an actress
00:49:10which made
00:49:13my dad
00:49:14become a
00:49:14cutter
00:49:14he was like
00:49:17criminal justice
00:49:18degree that
00:49:18took nine
00:49:19years
00:49:20and now
00:49:21she tells
00:49:21jokes to
00:49:22drunk
00:49:22people
00:49:23and everyone
00:49:25knows
00:49:25girls aren't
00:49:26funny
00:49:27oh he
00:49:29didn't use
00:49:30razors
00:49:30he used
00:49:31my canceled
00:49:31tuition
00:49:32checks
00:49:32he was
00:49:35recycling
00:49:36so I came
00:49:38out to LA
00:49:38and I think
00:49:39most of us
00:49:39are transplants
00:49:40like we
00:49:41come out
00:49:41here and
00:49:41we have
00:49:42this dream
00:49:42because of
00:49:43movies
00:49:43of what
00:49:43Hollywood
00:49:44is like
00:49:44I thought
00:49:45it was
00:49:45going to
00:49:45be movie
00:49:46premieres
00:49:47and red
00:49:47carpet
00:49:47and I
00:49:48date a
00:49:48guy with
00:49:49a house
00:49:49he couldn't
00:49:50tow away
00:49:51and that's
00:49:54not what
00:49:55it was
00:49:55like when
00:49:55I got
00:49:56out here
00:49:56you don't
00:49:56get movie
00:49:57auditions
00:49:57right away
00:49:58you get
00:49:58commercial
00:49:59auditions
00:49:59here were
00:50:00my first
00:50:00three
00:50:01life-changing
00:50:02auditions
00:50:03Metamucil
00:50:04Emodium
00:50:06and Tampax
00:50:08oh yes baby
00:50:10in less than
00:50:11three months
00:50:12there was a
00:50:12new queen
00:50:13of excretions
00:50:14in town
00:50:15so I told you
00:50:17what my dream
00:50:18looked like
00:50:19here was my
00:50:19reality
00:50:20hey Rebecca
00:50:21I constipated
00:50:23and the thing
00:50:25that most
00:50:26offended me
00:50:26about that
00:50:27is my
00:50:28name is
00:50:28Rachel
00:50:29so I
00:50:33got
00:50:33after my
00:50:34hopes and
00:50:34dreams had
00:50:35been
00:50:35Hindenburg'd
00:50:37I got my
00:50:39first real
00:50:39audition
00:50:40and it was
00:50:41for a company
00:50:42called
00:50:42Orangina
00:50:43which is
00:50:44what Trump
00:50:45calls his
00:50:45penis
00:50:46I like
00:50:54that joke
00:50:54it's a joke
00:50:55about an
00:50:56orange penis
00:50:56and you guys
00:50:57are like
00:50:57half of it
00:50:58just split the
00:50:58audience
00:50:59right down
00:51:00the middle
00:51:00like could we
00:51:01not love him
00:51:02or hate him
00:51:02come together
00:51:03in this room
00:51:04in this moment
00:51:05and all agree
00:51:05that we know
00:51:06that he has
00:51:07a tiny
00:51:07orange penis
00:51:08I'm doing
00:51:14the Lord's
00:51:14work
00:51:15I'm bringing
00:51:15the world
00:51:15together
00:51:16do you guys
00:51:18know what
00:51:18Orangina is
00:51:19nowhere else
00:51:22I work
00:51:22does anyone
00:51:23say yes
00:51:24of course
00:51:24in LA
00:51:24if you don't
00:51:26know
00:51:26Orangina
00:51:27it's like
00:51:27a really
00:51:27pretentious
00:51:28Pepsi
00:51:28it's like
00:51:29orange Pepsi
00:51:31except for
00:51:31Belgian
00:51:32man bun
00:51:32yoga instructors
00:51:33and drop
00:51:34crotch capris
00:51:35eating avocado
00:51:36toast made
00:51:36by their
00:51:37non-binary
00:51:37life partner
00:51:38so like
00:51:40every dude
00:51:41in this room
00:51:42and in LA
00:51:43but I was
00:51:46stoked
00:51:46because it was
00:51:47like the first
00:51:48audition that I
00:51:48got that didn't
00:51:49have anything
00:51:49to do with
00:51:50leakage
00:51:50you know
00:51:51and I had
00:51:54this agent
00:51:55at the time
00:51:55and she was
00:51:56this angry
00:51:57drunk
00:51:57chain smoking
00:51:58Russian
00:51:59could have
00:52:00just said
00:52:00Russian
00:52:01she calls
00:52:04me up
00:52:04and she
00:52:04tells me
00:52:05that she
00:52:05just saw
00:52:05a non-union
00:52:06non-speaking
00:52:08role
00:52:08as a deer
00:52:09yeah
00:52:11I was like
00:52:12wow
00:52:12you're my
00:52:13agent
00:52:13and you
00:52:14just saw
00:52:14a no-pay
00:52:15mute version
00:52:16of the dumbest
00:52:17animal on the
00:52:18planet earth
00:52:18and you
00:52:19thought of me
00:52:20oh thank you
00:52:23the audition
00:52:26the audition was
00:52:26the very next
00:52:27morning
00:52:27I was so
00:52:28excited
00:52:28I got up
00:52:29and I got
00:52:29dressed like
00:52:30I always do
00:52:30for auditions
00:52:31I put on a
00:52:31skirt that
00:52:32barely cleared
00:52:33my taint
00:52:33you know
00:52:35slutty but
00:52:36still deer
00:52:37like
00:52:37oh my god
00:52:39every time I
00:52:40get dressed
00:52:42for an audition
00:52:42a hooker gets
00:52:43her wings
00:52:44and I walk
00:52:52into this
00:52:52audition
00:52:52high
00:52:53stepping
00:52:53because I
00:52:54just moved
00:52:54from where
00:52:55I'm from
00:52:56in the south
00:52:56from North
00:52:56Carolina
00:52:57and where
00:52:59I'm from
00:52:59in North
00:52:59Carolina
00:53:00I'm a 10
00:53:02you know
00:53:02let me
00:53:03let me tell you
00:53:09who I come
00:53:09from people
00:53:10I had an
00:53:11Aunt Sally
00:53:12who was
00:53:12embalmed
00:53:13with a dip
00:53:14in her lip
00:53:14I also
00:53:20had an
00:53:20Aunt Janice
00:53:21who used
00:53:21to sit
00:53:22and peel
00:53:22and eat
00:53:23sticks of
00:53:24margarine
00:53:24like a
00:53:24banana
00:53:25now do you
00:53:28see why
00:53:28I felt
00:53:29cocky
00:53:30so I'm
00:53:34like doing
00:53:34the pimp
00:53:35walk
00:53:35I'm like
00:53:36whatever
00:53:36this is
00:53:37I got
00:53:37this audition
00:53:38nobody
00:53:39can compare
00:53:39to me
00:53:40I haven't
00:53:41been in LA
00:53:41long enough
00:53:42I walk
00:53:42into the
00:53:42audition
00:53:43room
00:53:43and it's
00:53:44filled
00:53:44with 45
00:53:45other hopeful
00:53:46deer sluts
00:53:47and they're
00:53:49exactly like
00:53:50me
00:53:50except they
00:53:51are in even
00:53:52shorter skirts
00:53:53their skirts
00:53:54were so short
00:53:54when the wind
00:53:55blew
00:53:55their vaginas
00:53:56sounded like
00:53:57a jug
00:53:57band
00:53:58can I get a
00:54:1219 year old
00:54:13up here
00:54:14I need a
00:54:14soprano
00:54:15I am in
00:54:20this waiting
00:54:20room with
00:54:21women
00:54:21if you've
00:54:22been in LA
00:54:23long enough
00:54:23and you're in
00:54:24the business
00:54:24you know
00:54:25these women
00:54:26the ones
00:54:27that hate
00:54:27you for
00:54:28absolutely
00:54:28no reason
00:54:29whatsoever
00:54:30and they're
00:54:31always really
00:54:32skinny
00:54:32and I think
00:54:33they're bitchy
00:54:34because they're
00:54:34hungry
00:54:35because they're
00:54:36all on the
00:54:36Bataan
00:54:37death march
00:54:37diet
00:54:38and the
00:54:40trap a
00:54:40husband
00:54:41diet
00:54:41and they're
00:54:42all trying
00:54:43to claim
00:54:43their territory
00:54:44so they're
00:54:44looking me
00:54:45dead in the
00:54:46eye
00:54:46but they're
00:54:46violently
00:54:47doing
00:54:47kegels
00:54:48I am
00:54:57sitting there
00:54:58you guys
00:54:58and I am
00:54:59just avoiding
00:54:59the hateful
00:55:00stares of
00:55:01the twat
00:55:01squad
00:55:02and I am
00:55:04just focusing
00:55:04on being
00:55:05the best
00:55:06ho dear
00:55:06that I could
00:55:07possibly be
00:55:08and they
00:55:10call me
00:55:10first
00:55:11they didn't
00:55:11call me
00:55:12they called
00:55:12Rebecca
00:55:12but it's
00:55:13the first
00:55:13time ever
00:55:13I was like
00:55:14I am
00:55:15Rebecca
00:55:15yes
00:55:16take me
00:55:16Jesus
00:55:17get me
00:55:17away
00:55:17from these
00:55:18bitches
00:55:18here I
00:55:19come
00:55:19I hit
00:55:20the audition
00:55:21room
00:55:21and it's
00:55:21just one
00:55:22other dude
00:55:22the casting
00:55:23director
00:55:23first thing
00:55:24he asked
00:55:24me to do
00:55:24is to
00:55:25take off
00:55:25my shirt
00:55:26and so
00:55:27I did
00:55:28because I'm
00:55:28a woman
00:55:29because women
00:55:29have always
00:55:30had to show
00:55:3130% more
00:55:32skin
00:55:33to get paid
00:55:3430% less
00:55:35but I did it
00:55:45I'm a whore
00:55:45I wanted the
00:55:46job so I
00:55:46took off
00:55:47my shirt
00:55:47he goes
00:55:48great
00:55:49Rebecca
00:55:49I want
00:55:50you to
00:55:50walk
00:55:50back and
00:55:51forth
00:55:51in front
00:55:51of the
00:55:51camera
00:55:51in a bikini
00:55:52while you're
00:55:52drinking
00:55:53orangina
00:55:53from a
00:55:53straw
00:55:54you know
00:55:54like a
00:55:55deer
00:55:55so I'm
00:55:59doing it
00:56:00but I am
00:56:00a woman
00:56:01in a bikini
00:56:01on camera
00:56:02so I am
00:56:02sucking in
00:56:03so hard
00:56:03I could
00:56:04chew gum
00:56:04with my
00:56:04butthole
00:56:05I'm like
00:56:05and he
00:56:10stops me
00:56:10he goes
00:56:11okay
00:56:11we can
00:56:11not do
00:56:11that
00:56:12anymore
00:56:12just stand
00:56:14right here
00:56:15right in front
00:56:15of the camera
00:56:16we need to
00:56:16make sure
00:56:17that you
00:56:17can do
00:56:17big facial
00:56:18expressions
00:56:18because you're
00:56:19also going
00:56:19to have
00:56:19to wear
00:56:20a face
00:56:20mask
00:56:21as a deer
00:56:21and I
00:56:22thought
00:56:22oh my god
00:56:23I got this
00:56:24I can be
00:56:25stupid
00:56:25I have
00:56:26no self
00:56:26steam
00:56:27I gave
00:56:27that up
00:56:28three adult
00:56:28diaper
00:56:29auditions
00:56:29ago
00:56:30whatever
00:56:31this man
00:56:32throws at
00:56:32me
00:56:33I got
00:56:33it
00:56:33he goes
00:56:34great
00:56:34Rebecca
00:56:34do
00:56:35happy
00:56:35and I'm
00:56:35like
00:56:36damn it
00:56:37because happy
00:56:39is hard
00:56:40because I
00:56:41have dated
00:56:41men
00:56:42I'm like
00:56:47big happy
00:56:47here I go
00:56:48daddy
00:56:48and I
00:56:49go
00:56:49I'll never
00:56:51forget this
00:56:52the guy
00:56:52goes
00:56:53one word
00:56:53disturbing
00:56:55he goes
00:56:59let's move
00:56:59on
00:56:59now I
00:57:00want you
00:57:00to do
00:57:00sad
00:57:01and instantly
00:57:02I'm stoked
00:57:03because sad
00:57:03that's what
00:57:04I do
00:57:05I'm a woman
00:57:06born in the
00:57:07south
00:57:07who became
00:57:08a comedian
00:57:08with southern
00:57:09baptist
00:57:10and native
00:57:10american
00:57:11ancestry
00:57:12I have been
00:57:12method acting
00:57:13sadness
00:57:14my entire
00:57:14life
00:57:15my tender
00:57:17username
00:57:18is trail
00:57:18of tears
00:57:19no I
00:57:26am
00:57:26I'm half
00:57:27native
00:57:27american
00:57:28and half
00:57:28british
00:57:29I haven't
00:57:29traced my
00:57:29genealogy
00:57:30because
00:57:30I think
00:57:31I know
00:57:32how that
00:57:32went
00:57:32down
00:57:32so I
00:57:38do
00:57:39sad
00:57:39masterfully
00:57:41and he
00:57:42goes
00:57:42great
00:57:42Rebecca
00:57:43now I
00:57:44want you
00:57:44to do
00:57:45your
00:57:45oh
00:57:45face
00:57:46do you
00:57:49guys know
00:57:49what that
00:57:49is
00:57:50does
00:57:51everyone
00:57:51know
00:57:52what that
00:57:52is
00:57:52you dirty
00:57:54bunch
00:57:54of sluts
00:57:55all of
00:57:56you
00:57:56I didn't
00:57:58know what
00:57:58it was
00:57:58I told
00:57:59you
00:57:59small
00:58:00town
00:58:00very
00:58:00religious
00:58:01shame
00:58:01based
00:58:02upbringing
00:58:02even
00:58:03now
00:58:03when I
00:58:03have
00:58:03consensual
00:58:04sex
00:58:04I
00:58:05call
00:58:05the
00:58:05cops
00:58:06on
00:58:09speed
00:58:10dial
00:58:10not
00:58:12only
00:58:12did I
00:58:13not
00:58:13know
00:58:13what
00:58:14it
00:58:14was
00:58:14I
00:58:14thought
00:58:15the
00:58:15man
00:58:15must
00:58:15have
00:58:16said
00:58:16do
00:58:17your
00:58:17old
00:58:18face
00:58:19I
00:58:22was
00:58:22like
00:58:22okay
00:58:22I've
00:58:23been
00:58:23acting
00:58:24for
00:58:242.5
00:58:25months
00:58:25I
00:58:26got
00:58:26this
00:58:26and
00:58:27I
00:58:27pictured
00:58:27an
00:58:28old
00:58:28man
00:58:28with
00:58:29no
00:58:29teeth
00:58:29and
00:58:30osteoporosis
00:58:31and
00:58:32he's
00:58:33on a
00:58:33cane
00:58:33and
00:58:34he's
00:58:34expecting
00:58:35a
00:58:35sexy
00:58:35orgasmic
00:58:36dare
00:58:36and
00:58:36I'm
00:58:37like
00:58:37I'm
00:58:37about
00:58:37to
00:58:37ram
00:58:38old
00:58:38face
00:58:38right
00:58:38up
00:58:39your
00:58:39camera
00:58:39and
00:58:40I
00:58:40look
00:58:40back
00:58:41at
00:58:41him
00:58:41and
00:58:42he
00:58:42goes
00:58:42do
00:58:42your
00:58:42old
00:58:43face
00:58:43and
00:58:43I
00:58:45and
00:58:55the
00:58:56man
00:58:56looked
00:58:57stunt
00:58:58and
00:59:01he
00:59:01goes
00:59:02oh
00:59:03and
00:59:05I
00:59:05go
00:59:05yes
00:59:06he
00:59:08goes
00:59:08no
00:59:09and
00:59:11I
00:59:11go
00:59:11oh
00:59:11and
00:59:12he
00:59:12goes
00:59:12I'm
00:59:12sorry
00:59:13I
00:59:13just
00:59:13asked
00:59:14you
00:59:14to
00:59:14do
00:59:14your
00:59:15oh
00:59:15face
00:59:16and
00:59:16I
00:59:16go
00:59:16oh
00:59:18except
00:59:20I
00:59:20still
00:59:21don't
00:59:21know
00:59:21what
00:59:22it
00:59:22is
00:59:22and
00:59:24I
00:59:24thought
00:59:25about
00:59:25it
00:59:25I'm
00:59:26super
00:59:26literal
00:59:26right
00:59:27criminal
00:59:27justice
00:59:28major
00:59:28and
00:59:28I
00:59:28thought
00:59:28oh
00:59:29face
00:59:29oh
00:59:30my
00:59:30god
00:59:31I'm
00:59:31clear
00:59:31now
00:59:32this
00:59:32man
00:59:32wanted
00:59:33me
00:59:33to
00:59:33do
00:59:33the
00:59:33face
00:59:34of
00:59:34Macaulay
00:59:34Culkin
00:59:35in
00:59:35Home Alone
00:59:36now
00:59:40we're
00:59:40on
00:59:41the
00:59:41same
00:59:41page
00:59:42and
00:59:44he
00:59:44goes
00:59:44great
00:59:45Rebecca
00:59:45let's
00:59:46forget
00:59:46that
00:59:46happened
00:59:47give
00:59:47me
00:59:47your
00:59:47best
00:59:48oh
00:59:48face
00:59:48still
00:59:49expecting
00:59:50an
00:59:50orgasming
00:59:50deer
00:59:51and
00:59:51I
00:59:51look
00:59:52back
00:59:52at
00:59:52him
00:59:52and
00:59:52I
00:59:53go
00:59:53the
01:00:05dude's
01:00:05face
01:00:06just
01:00:06fell
01:00:06like
01:00:08he
01:00:08had
01:00:08Bell's
01:00:09palsy
01:00:10he
01:00:10just
01:00:10goes
01:00:10like
01:00:13he
01:00:13wanted
01:00:13to
01:00:13be
01:00:14away
01:00:14from
01:00:14me
01:00:15and
01:00:16he
01:00:16just
01:00:16goes
01:00:16no
01:00:17and
01:00:19it
01:00:19was
01:00:19one
01:00:19of
01:00:19those
01:00:19really
01:00:20profound
01:00:20notes
01:00:21you
01:00:21know
01:00:21like
01:00:21I
01:00:21knew
01:00:22it
01:00:22wasn't
01:00:22just
01:00:22about
01:00:23my
01:00:23audition
01:00:23but
01:00:24about
01:00:24moving
01:00:24to
01:00:25LA
01:00:25and
01:00:25becoming
01:00:25an
01:00:25actress
01:00:26and
01:00:26procreating
01:00:27and
01:00:27breathing
01:00:28and
01:00:31he
01:00:31says
01:00:31thank
01:00:32you
01:00:32and
01:00:32that
01:00:32speak
01:00:33everybody
01:00:33in here
01:00:34knows
01:00:34for
01:00:34this
01:00:34audition
01:00:35is
01:00:35over
01:00:35and
01:00:35I'm
01:00:35surprised
01:00:36because
01:00:36I
01:00:36thought
01:00:36I
01:00:36was
01:00:36riding
01:00:37the
01:00:37wave
01:00:37I
01:00:38pick
01:00:38up
01:00:39my
01:00:39shirt
01:00:39I
01:00:40do
01:00:40the
01:00:40walk
01:00:40of
01:00:40shame
01:00:41out
01:00:42of
01:00:42the
01:00:42audition
01:00:42room
01:00:43and
01:00:44right
01:00:44as
01:00:44I
01:00:44go
01:00:44through
01:00:45the
01:00:45door
01:00:45and
01:00:46right
01:00:47before
01:00:47it
01:00:47clicks
01:00:47shut
01:00:48I
01:00:53stood
01:00:57there
01:00:58for
01:00:58a
01:00:58moment
01:00:58alone
01:00:59in
01:00:59LA
01:00:59like
01:00:59wow
01:01:00right
01:01:00wow
01:01:01I
01:01:03nailed
01:01:03it
01:01:04oh
01:01:05oh
01:01:07yeah
01:01:08I
01:01:10knew
01:01:11he was
01:01:11calling
01:01:11Europe
01:01:12he was
01:01:12high-fiving
01:01:13himself
01:01:13they
01:01:14have
01:01:14found
01:01:14her
01:01:15and
01:01:15I
01:01:15was
01:01:15feeling
01:01:16extra
01:01:16cocky
01:01:16I
01:01:16go
01:01:17back
01:01:17by
01:01:17the
01:01:17Bambi
01:01:18bitches
01:01:18I
01:01:18look
01:01:18them
01:01:19back
01:01:19in
01:01:19the
01:01:19eye
01:01:19this
01:01:20time
01:01:20with
01:01:20no
01:01:20fear
01:01:21and
01:01:21I
01:01:21go
01:01:21and
01:01:28I
01:01:28go
01:01:28home
01:01:29I
01:01:30get
01:01:30home
01:01:31and
01:01:31I
01:01:31was
01:01:32living
01:01:32with
01:01:32this
01:01:32comic
01:01:33at
01:01:33the
01:01:33time
01:01:34and
01:01:34we
01:01:34had
01:01:35a
01:01:35gig
01:01:35together
01:01:35that
01:01:35night
01:01:36at
01:01:36Flappers
01:01:36and
01:01:37Burbank
01:01:38and
01:01:38he's
01:01:42in the
01:01:42shower
01:01:42getting
01:01:43ready
01:01:43and
01:01:44he's
01:01:44naked
01:01:44looking
01:01:45like
01:01:45a
01:01:45sexy
01:01:45buck
01:01:46one
01:01:48point
01:01:48you
01:01:52guys
01:01:52I
01:01:52ended
01:01:52up
01:01:52marrying
01:01:53that
01:01:53guy
01:01:53is
01:01:54that
01:01:54crazy
01:01:54that
01:01:54I
01:01:55got
01:01:55married
01:01:56I
01:01:56know
01:01:57I
01:01:58know
01:01:58it's
01:01:59so
01:01:59beautiful
01:02:00I
01:02:01got
01:02:01married
01:02:02because
01:02:02I
01:02:02was
01:02:03tired
01:02:03of
01:02:03finishing
01:02:04my
01:02:04own
01:02:05sentences
01:02:05he
01:02:16sees
01:02:17me
01:02:17come
01:02:17in
01:02:17he's
01:02:17in
01:02:17the
01:02:18business
01:02:18right
01:02:18and
01:02:18I'm
01:02:18new
01:02:19at
01:02:19it
01:02:19and
01:02:19he
01:02:19leans
01:02:19out
01:02:19he's
01:02:20excited
01:02:20like
01:02:20a
01:02:20proud
01:02:21papa
01:02:21and
01:02:21he
01:02:21goes
01:02:21babe
01:02:22oh
01:02:22my
01:02:22god
01:02:23how
01:02:23did
01:02:23it
01:02:23go
01:02:23and
01:02:23I
01:02:23was
01:02:23like
01:02:23it
01:02:24was
01:02:24amazing
01:02:24and
01:02:25he
01:02:25goes
01:02:25well
01:02:25tell
01:02:25me
01:02:26about
01:02:26it
01:02:26and
01:02:26I
01:02:26said
01:02:26well
01:02:26they
01:02:27asked
01:02:27me
01:02:27to
01:02:27do
01:02:27my
01:02:28old
01:02:28face
01:02:28and
01:02:28he
01:02:28instantly
01:02:29gets
01:02:29angry
01:02:30and
01:02:30I
01:02:30don't
01:02:30know
01:02:30why
01:02:31and
01:02:31he
01:02:31goes
01:02:31that
01:02:31is
01:02:31such
01:02:32crap
01:02:32they
01:02:33would
01:02:33never
01:02:33ask
01:02:34a
01:02:34man
01:02:34to
01:02:34do
01:02:34his
01:02:34old
01:02:34face
01:02:35and
01:02:35I
01:02:35go
01:02:35I
01:02:35know
01:02:36why
01:02:36would
01:02:37they
01:02:37steal
01:02:37from
01:02:38Macaulay Culkin
01:02:39in
01:02:39Home Alone
01:02:40and
01:02:45now
01:02:45my
01:02:45boyfriend
01:02:46had
01:02:46the
01:02:47casting
01:02:47director's
01:02:48face
01:02:48and
01:02:56I
01:02:56don't
01:02:56know
01:02:57why
01:02:57and
01:02:58he
01:02:59leans
01:02:59back
01:02:59out of
01:02:59the
01:03:00shower
01:03:00and
01:03:00he
01:03:00goes
01:03:00what
01:03:01did
01:03:04you
01:03:04do
01:03:05like
01:03:08you
01:03:08know
01:03:08to
01:03:08be
01:03:09concerned
01:03:09I've
01:03:10been
01:03:10doing
01:03:10this
01:03:102.5
01:03:11months
01:03:11I
01:03:11know
01:03:12what
01:03:12I'm
01:03:12well
01:03:12actually
01:03:13at
01:03:13first
01:03:13I
01:03:13did
01:03:14think
01:03:14that
01:03:14he
01:03:14said
01:03:14do
01:03:14your
01:03:14old
01:03:15face
01:03:15so
01:03:15at
01:03:15first
01:03:16I
01:03:16went
01:03:16but
01:03:19then
01:03:19I
01:03:19realized
01:03:20that
01:03:20he
01:03:20said
01:03:20old
01:03:21face
01:03:21so
01:03:21then
01:03:21I
01:03:21went
01:03:22I
01:03:25got
01:03:25it
01:03:25wrong
01:03:25the
01:03:26first
01:03:26time
01:03:27have
01:03:34you
01:03:34guys
01:03:34ever
01:03:34seen
01:03:35a
01:03:35naked
01:03:35man
01:03:36laughing
01:03:36so
01:03:39hard
01:03:39he is
01:03:40curled
01:03:41in the fetal
01:03:42position
01:03:42on the
01:03:43floor
01:03:43of the
01:03:43shower
01:03:44he is
01:03:44holding
01:03:45tears
01:03:45are
01:03:45streaming
01:03:46down
01:03:47his
01:03:47face
01:03:47parts
01:03:48of him
01:03:49jiggling
01:03:49long
01:03:50after
01:03:50he
01:03:50stopped
01:03:51laughing
01:03:51it
01:03:53was
01:03:53the
01:03:53only
01:03:54time
01:03:54I
01:03:54was
01:03:54fine
01:03:55with
01:03:55him
01:03:55peeing
01:03:55in
01:03:56the
01:03:56shower
01:03:56laughing
01:03:58and
01:04:00he
01:04:00coughed
01:04:01out
01:04:01the
01:04:01sentence
01:04:02that
01:04:02will
01:04:02haunt
01:04:02me
01:04:03for
01:04:03the
01:04:03rest
01:04:04of
01:04:04my
01:04:04life
01:04:05he
01:04:05goes
01:04:06he
01:04:06wanted
01:04:07you
01:04:07to
01:04:08do
01:04:08your
01:04:09orgasm
01:04:10face
01:04:11you
01:04:12freaking
01:04:13idiot
01:04:13laughing
01:04:14laughing
01:04:15and
01:04:17you
01:04:17looked
01:04:17that
01:04:18man
01:04:18right
01:04:18in
01:04:19the
01:04:19eye
01:04:19on
01:04:21camera
01:04:21and
01:04:22you
01:04:22went
01:04:23and
01:04:31somewhere
01:04:32out
01:04:32there
01:04:32is
01:04:32my
01:04:33career
01:04:33snuff
01:04:33film
01:04:34I
01:04:37watched
01:04:37this
01:04:38man
01:04:38holding
01:04:39on
01:04:39to
01:04:39his
01:04:40own
01:04:40naked
01:04:40body
01:04:41because
01:04:41he's
01:04:41laughing
01:04:42so
01:04:42hard
01:04:43at
01:04:43me
01:04:44and
01:04:44I
01:04:44looked
01:04:45at
01:04:45him
01:04:45for
01:04:45a
01:04:45minute
01:04:46and
01:04:46I
01:04:46go
01:04:46oh
01:04:46my
01:04:47gosh
01:04:48you're
01:04:49exactly
01:04:50like
01:04:50my
01:04:50mother
01:04:51and
01:04:57I
01:04:57married
01:04:58her
01:04:59and
01:05:03he
01:05:03stood
01:05:04up
01:05:04tears
01:05:05still
01:05:05coming
01:05:06down
01:05:06his
01:05:06face
01:05:07and
01:05:07he
01:05:07got
01:05:07it
01:05:07and
01:05:08he
01:05:08goes
01:05:08I'm
01:05:09just
01:05:09like
01:05:09your
01:05:09mother
01:05:10and
01:05:10I
01:05:10went
01:05:10yes
01:05:11and
01:05:11he
01:05:11goes
01:05:12thank
01:05:12you
01:05:13highest
01:05:13compliment
01:05:14you've
01:05:14ever
01:05:15paid
01:05:15me
01:05:15thank
01:05:16you
01:05:16guys
01:05:16so
01:05:17much
01:05:17to
01:05:26all
01:05:27the
01:05:27women
01:05:27that
01:05:28make
01:05:28this
01:05:28possible
01:05:29that
01:05:29support
01:05:30me
01:05:30and
01:05:30inspire
01:05:31me
01:05:31every
01:05:31day
01:05:32get
01:05:32your
01:05:33butts
01:05:33up
01:05:33here
01:05:33and
01:05:34take
01:05:34this
01:05:34credit
01:05:35right
01:05:35now
01:05:35Janine
01:05:41Mahogany
01:05:42everybody
01:05:42speed
01:05:43it
01:05:43up
01:05:43Kelly
01:05:48Carla
01:05:55Shauna
01:05:57Jill
01:05:59go
01:06:06this
01:06:07way
01:06:07you
01:06:10guys
01:06:11nothing
01:06:11gets
01:06:11done
01:06:12without
01:06:12a
01:06:13community
01:06:13and
01:06:13these
01:06:14women
01:06:14inspire
01:06:15me
01:06:15every
01:06:15day
01:06:15and
01:06:15they
01:06:16make
01:06:16this
01:06:16all
01:06:16possible
01:06:17but
01:06:17more
01:06:17than
01:06:17anything
01:06:18to
01:06:18the
01:06:18original
01:06:19alpha
01:06:19chick
01:06:19who
01:06:20cannot
01:06:20be
01:06:20here
01:06:20tonight
01:06:21but
01:06:21she
01:06:21would
01:06:21kill
01:06:22to
01:06:22be
01:06:22here
01:06:22my
01:06:23mama
01:06:23thank
01:06:29you
01:06:29guys
01:06:29give
01:06:30it
01:06:30up
01:06:30for
01:06:30them
01:06:30one
01:06:31more
01:06:31time
01:06:31thank
01:06:33you
01:06:33so
01:06:34much
01:06:34for
01:06:34coming
01:06:34out
01:06:35tonight
01:06:59so
01:07:01you
01:07:16you
01:07:16you
01:07:22you
01:07:24you
01:07:25you
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