- 5/3/2025
Podcast
Category
😹
FunTranscript
00:00this is a tweet and a quote to you a g-wagon just dropped my girl off she said it was a bolt
00:13sorry stop no bro that's a bio that's a bio i can't i can't believe that
00:33i don't know why that's so funny to me a g-wagon just dropped my girl off she said it was a bolt
00:51the audacity brother quote tweet we will spend the whole night requesting and canceling until
00:58she gets the same bolt for me hundred rags percent i'm sweating from that wow fam show me the driver
01:06fact show me that send him a tip facts send him a five-star review and a tip right now show me
01:12a g-wagon dropped my girl off a g-wagon that's a real man your girl's been spending the evening
01:21with a real man and he dropped it to her doorstep yeah she's got no time for you she's got no time
01:28normal i knew you were gonna ask all right she said oh it's a bolt she the lie was already there
01:34a bolt a boat exact even about she doesn't even she doesn't rate you enough to even entertain
01:41the whole thing the whole it's a bolt sharp sharp he's my new man a g-wagon the audacity i actually
01:48can't believe it i couldn't be confronted with that in my humble picket fence yeah i'm looking
01:53through the thing and a g-wagon pulls up tinted out oh i can't see who's inside you see her hop
01:59out yeah hop out and just like thanks front seat offs oh francy offs yeah and she skips back in the
02:06yard no no i'm i'm putting the padlock on the thing i'm putting the chain yeah yeah yeah she'll burst
02:11and she'll see my eyes yeah g-wagon yeah who's that babes don't be stupid it's a bolt yeah request it
02:20again yeah request it again request it or you're not getting back into this yard i promise you yeah
02:24yeah yeah yeah because he can afford a yard for you clearly it's clearly wagon clearly you don't need
02:28this that's 300 racks mini mini um so this one acts as if you're my girl yeah just reply to what i'm
02:35saying say this all right babe hmm breathe in
02:42breathe out it's over
02:54wow
02:56you were here for a second i was literally
03:02pardon
03:05pardon you can never play with me like that am i a toy to you breathe in breathe out what's it
03:17all about it's over it's over nah nah nah nah nah nah nah oh fuck that's sweet in me oh jesus
03:27white people can identify 500 dog breeds but we get two black co-workers mixed up
03:32bro oh fam did i ever tell you did i ever tell you bruv we were in a team meeting one time at my job
03:42sweating and we had this arsehole manager bruv you know we had to go get this get in this huddle and
03:47it was me and one of a black i've definitely told you i can't stop laughing
03:50fan he got us all together yeah and there's me and one of a black guy yeah he looked nothing like
03:58me dreads yeah dreads yeah dreads everything man said it we're doing the we're doing the
04:04the manager's meeting yeah go through he's talking talking talking how about my man goes name's neil
04:09waist man he goes guys guys guys pointed at me and then goes cool run-ins
04:14he did what he said guys guys guys cool run-ins he got their attention yeah attention of the whole
04:24office and said oh wait guys guys guys quick quick jumping quick quick before they move
04:28cool run-ins before they separate cool run-ins cool run-ins ah
04:34r is the r i will be speaking bro bro what nah you've never told me that i couldn't repeat it
04:45because obviously the next answer is so when was his funeral because i stood there i was like
04:52i can't yeah i can't do anything because i need this job cool run-ins
04:59yo quick before they separate quick joke quick cool run-ins brother
05:07what did the other brother say or do if we lost each other we looked at each other
05:13one of them ones just held it like running i need this p we both need this p wow you've never told
05:19me that other brother's called michael he got sacked like a week later i'm surprised he didn't
05:21come finally or just top him up oh my goodness that's um that's treacherous this one is more of
05:28like a paragraph so i'll just read it out as like a mini story type of thing i remember i took this
05:33girl out once um to a nice little restaurant called ruth chris the little birds died ordering drinks
05:39appetizers steak shrimp salmon and goldfish mind you i only had three don't don't don't don't just
05:46don't just don't i don't understand sorry i just don't know where they're serving goldfish but we'll keep
05:52it moving we'll keep it moving i didn't even say the gut my tonsils are sweating just don't yeah
05:59yeah yeah yeah i don't know where they're selling that it's haram that's all i know uh salmon and
06:04goldfish mind you all i had was 350 dollars and my car was on e my car was on e on a brenting
06:11no i'm a suffering man i'm a suffering so i'm sitting there eating my caesar salad getting nervous
06:20about who um about the bill so i said who the fuck is eating all of this food she said oh i'm gonna take
06:26some home for my roommate i went to the bathroom and never came back right fast forward five years
06:32today we got introduced to our new supervisor i look up and there she is stood there staring at me
06:38and said hey steven well i guess i'll be on indeed tonight
06:45indeed raw
06:50yes brother indeed yeah yeah that's wow roller coaster of events it is thing is it's as soon
06:58as she says that hey steven same with the bible tank i'm jumping straight in there who are you what
07:03do you mean your friends what do you mean your housemate yeah fat what do you mean i'll pick
07:09it up where we left off five years later what do you actually mean your housemate this is your new
07:14supervisor shelly this is the team oh hey steven what do you mean you're bringing stuff home for
07:19your housemate bro what does that even mean why do you think i love stuff i'm a goldfish let's talk about
07:26that first and foremost who orders goldfish steak lobster and goldfish for your housemate how dare you
07:34of course i left you of course and any of anyone else in here would as well facts i work in a shop
07:41you know what my salary is saying it's been five years and you've come straight in as my supervisor
07:46i don't have prospects i had to dip a fax i had to dip jesus oh what do you expect from
07:54literally what do you expect this is relative yeah told this girl i didn't have a car she saved me in
08:01her phone as legs i've seen that one wow even funny brother legs people take public transport you know
08:11it's calm it's calm i told this girl i don't have a car she saved me in her phone as legs that's not
08:16even okay wild one legs mr don't have a vehicle mr not knowing what 10 and 2 means wow wow legs
08:28that's uncalled for legs 11 11 11 that's uncalled for nah i can't i can't i just can't deal with stuff
08:37like that i'm sorry no i couldn't be treated i can't be spoken to like i'm speaking of slight
08:41tangent uh jay told me about this thing the other day it's so frustrating because there's nothing
08:48there's nothing mandem these days can do to retaliate without admitting their bank account
08:52was empty and if your bank account's empty in apparently in 2023 if a bank account if you're
08:57if you've got a set of balls on you and your bank account's empty you don't have a voice in here
09:02okay so he was telling me about he saw this post yeah about a girl saying what she expects in a
09:08relationship and a man okay she basically uh i'm gonna i'm paraphrasing okay okay but she said
09:13basically like i want three holidays a year i want my man to make x amount i think it was like 650k a
09:19year minimum are we talking dollars or pounds dollars i think still what do you mean you hope so
09:24that's still like 500 i mean it's like four something three something it's like four something
09:29um it's high fam is it not let me check 650 in dollars to pounds 650 000 oh is it that close now
09:41oh mad hang on hang on hang on yeah mine i checked 650 650 000 to pounds why does it keep going to
09:52fucking just do 65 keep going to 65 650 000 in pounds 532 532 say less ain't no one making 532
10:08532 yeah yeah say less so anyway she said i want a man who makes 650 yeah a year yeah i want um
10:16three holidays a year i want two kids both from surrogate mothers because i'm not trying to get
10:21pregnant i'm not trying to do pregnancy twice both from surrogate mothers and um what is it both
10:28inside got mothers three holidays a year 650k a year out and two nannies one for inside one for outside
10:33oh my goodness um and then she said in the in the caption
10:38any basically any guy that's commenting in here you're broke you're just sour and broke no
10:47you're just sour and broke and then all the girls in the comments were like facts facts and the thing
10:52is is like it's actually kind of true it's not but like just on a persona thing yeah if you've got
11:00energy and time to be in the comments cussing and fighting your case you're broke you are
11:05yeah yeah yeah this vexing but that doesn't mean i can't speak yeah yeah big man you're just here
11:12because you're broke yeah but i'm allowed to speak yeah why i'm allowed a voice yeah i'm a right to
11:17speak the man i'm looking for is not in these comments yeah yeah yeah you're broke it's annoying
11:22bro if you can't be broke in 2023 it's actually upsetting you actually can't be it's upsetting
11:29because why are you talking you're broke you're just tell me you're broke that's the answer to
11:32everything just tell me you're broke just tell me you're broke sorry i don't have change sorry i
11:37just don't have change for you today stop annoying me wow do you remember that one of course do you
11:45remember that one sorry i don't have change
11:50sorry i don't have change while gone babe sorry i've got no change yeah that's you're broke
11:55um legs where's your car are you walking to or from your car i don't see you all from
12:03because i just saw you get out of waterloo station big man so you can't be talking to me oh
12:10so if you're in none of these things exist in my life offs oh but
12:15fat it's not even funny it's not even fair it's not fair is the thing it's not fair it could be funny
12:20it's just not fair and that's 650 ain't no one making that that's unrealistic i saw a thing
12:26never doubt i can't remember if i spoke about it already um but i saw a thing the other day it was
12:29like a guy was going around it was in the uk asking like um to be in the top one percent of earners
12:35yeah how much money do you think you have to make okay everyone was like a million two million five
12:41million some guy said top one percent in the uk in the uk to be in the top one percent of earners in
12:46the uk how much do you think that is and then um yeah i don't think it's even that much that high
12:52fat yeah take it guess what do you think it is i think it's like you're a sensible human being
12:55and you people were saying like a milli some people say a couple minutes some guys said a billion oh
12:59somebody's saying 500k 700k top one percent top one percent of earners in the uk i would probably
13:06say something around the realm of maybe 125 103. oh fair 103 000 a year you're the top one percent
13:14really yep wow yep say less obviously we're in the top 0.1
13:22i'm playing but yeah fam 650 532 yeah delusional she's delusional no one's making that seen that
13:31money before no one's making that unless you're an athlete oh an athlete yeah yeah yeah you're not
13:37making that yeah yeah yeah and if i'm an athlete i ain't got time for these requests i got time for
13:41you and your twitter yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah let alone anything else yeah yeah yeah yeah
13:44i'm seeking upper echelon things yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but this is interesting we'll get back
13:49on to the thing but this is interesting i actually had an interesting conversation with someone about
13:52this yeah because i was intrigued from like a female perspective yeah yeah yeah um and it's interesting
13:58in terms of like
14:01what i feel like the disconnect between men and women is when it comes to that kind of thing because in
14:08terms of like the automatic the automatic response to this is from my experience the automatic response
14:15to a guy like begrudging that kind of like request is not that and like the automatic response from a
14:22female is like you're broke and if you had the money you wouldn't that would never be your demeanor yeah
14:29because the demand i'm looking for can hear all this stuff and he's securing us and he's like
14:34financially like well off enough that this is an issue to him so he would be like yeah minor do it
14:39but it's like what i think what females miss is that like that's not it's not that he's broke it's the
14:45fact that like guys are very much who are you like guys need to want to do it guys want to want to like
14:56throw stuff at that girl yeah facts facts they want to like they want that like they want to feel like
15:01she does everything for me i love her i love her she does this for me she does that for me she does
15:07this for me she takes care of all my needs she is like a provider to me like she's the mother of
15:12my kids you're telling me you're not even trying to hold them you're telling me you want a nanny for
15:17inside and outside and obviously with all this i'm assuming you want a cleaner i'm assuming we've got
15:22a cook yeah so what are you doing bringing to this table why do i want yeah what what do i want to do for
15:28you nothing nothing you're just asking for about yeah you just look good yeah so what else like what
15:34why what makes me want to do it it's not about whether i can or can't it's like what makes me
15:39want to do it because like you're just saying and there's plenty of other women that will like
15:43earn that where they they're not coming in here saying i want this i want that one that it's just
15:47like i just want to care for you i want to love you i'm looking to care for you and the man's like
15:53say less i'm gonna do it up for you oh we're staying on holiday i'm gonna do the most of you
15:57yeah yeah yeah so i feel like there's always a disconnect because like yeah the women are always
16:01like well if your attitude is disgruntled then you're broke and it's like i'm not broke but i i
16:07don't know you yeah i deserve a voice in this yeah i deserve a voice in this platform yeah so allow me
16:14to speak yeah literally allow me to speak oh yeah yeah the bonus is actually horrible it's a it's a
16:19it's such an easy like stab for women oh you're just broke yeah but you're broke so and there's
16:25annoyed because you're broke there's literally nothing else you can say because unless and then
16:29you get to the point where you open up your app like i will show you my account and she'll be like
16:34oh here we go here we go do you know how many accounts i've seen stop don't embarrass yourself
16:39do you know how many accounts i've seen don't embarrass yourself there's not a number in there
16:42that you can show her that will shut her up yeah there is there actually isn't a number in
16:46there that you can show her because you start looking at your account thing is this enough
16:50yeah yeah is this enough do i actually have enough yeah you're looking in there there's like
16:55i don't even know there's 14 bags in there and you're like i think she might laugh at this
17:00and you start thinking well if i move my savings over
17:04i can hold at least a 20 yeah yeah if there's a humble 20 she might believe i've got multiple accounts
17:08yeah yeah yeah yeah oh god yeah yeah yeah yeah if i bring if i drapes for the monzo
17:15she doesn't understand there's an overdraft in there as well that counts the overdraft counts
17:21it's gonna spring it up yeah we're talking 25 now yeah yeah yeah so yeah there's literally not
17:25a number in there you could show her because even if it's 100 it's not a mil it's the fact
17:29and if it's not if it's a mil it's not 10 i've seen the accounts you're boring me
17:33yeah you're boring me you're boring me oh anyway yeah you have to be a footballer
17:37fam you have to be an athlete there's no other exception you have to be an athlete
17:40all right um this one sweeted me if you're single this is definitely targeting at guys yeah if you're
17:47single stay single i know people out here apologizing for taking naps
17:52that's an unfortunate reality in a lot of relationships i'm so sorry sorry i missed
17:59your call i was sleeping swear sleeping with who with who is the question what's got you so tired
18:08what's got you so tired in the middle of the day it's 4pm while i'm at work and you're at home
18:12coincidence bum you're a bum bum why are you tired you should be actively looking for jobs you should be
18:17at the job center you're taking naps you can't be tired at four oh you can't be tired at four james
18:22yeah because i've been up since six and i'm alert so what's got you so tired
18:28who is she and where is she babe i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry that's just
18:32palpitations you don't need that's palpitations you don't need of course not bloody hell
18:39my girl wanted a dog for christmas so i cheated on her simple straightforward
18:42that is simple and straightforward simple and straightforward she wanted a dog for christmas
18:47so i cheated on her wow i remember one time i told a girl her rudeness wasn't attractive and
18:53she said genuine question what makes you think i'm looking to attract you message sent me to sleep
19:02bro
19:04genuine genuine question i couldn't see the genuine question pop up and then the three dots
19:09yeah she's gonna ask me what the is she gonna ask me what makes you think i'm trying to attract
19:14you yeah that i obviously wouldn't reply yeah i obviously because there's no point yeah i'm
19:20locking my phone and i'm just gonna i'm gonna go into the coziest sleep i've had because i don't
19:23want to wake up a young apnea and that's it that's mad that's mad women can be so vicious oh
19:33straight to the point and it's so quick
19:34that has to be i refuse to believe it's a joke because it's so quick sometimes
19:40genuine question genuine question what makes you think i'm trying to attract you
19:43of all people you do you think the love of my life he'll be getting rudeness from me
19:49never do you think man that i'm attracted to get rudeness from me never
19:54common denominator never
19:56don't look at me like that trash anyway scheme scheme i would love my phone in her mouth
20:05scheme um what do you put on first when getting dressed reply my shirt reply okay winnie the poon
20:17bro you can't live like that your shirt we've said this bear times just app
20:21just shirt doesn't make sense that's disgusting
20:27was meant to go on a vacation in june and even and even though i liked him i had to cancel
20:32because i kept on having nightmares of him stealing my passport and leaving me stranded
20:37wow and leaving me stranded you know what what kind of dream is that this
20:50bitch has got trust issues wow vacation he's gonna steal my passport i can't go
20:58i just can't go maybe stop looking for holidays i'm scared i'm scared i'm scared of what flying
21:04now i'm just so terrified that you're gonna steal my passport and leave me there stranded leave me for
21:08dead i'm gonna look at my phone blocker yeah 100 but you're chatting you're not you're not the one
21:13you're not you're honestly you're not the one yeah yeah yeah yeah all right i've got a few more all
21:17right sell us yeah
21:20fucking hell east london is a scary place this man stuck his middle fingers up at his reflection in
21:26the train door
21:30it was close imagine saying i stepped when we was in we was in east london the other day
21:34it wasn't strafford strafford the other day i was coming to link you do you remember
21:39walking past one of the shops and they've got a window angled wrong okay so as i'm walking past it
21:44it i see someone walking towards me okay so i'm there they're there the shop's here i'm walking
21:51walking walking in my peripheral i can see someone walking here yeah i step back it was me
21:58it was me
22:00yeah because the mirror wasn't angled right it was angled like here
22:04i step back because it was getting closer and closer and closer
22:07it was me bro like a dog seen himself yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i've never felt so embarrassed
22:16that's hilarious never felt so embarrassed it was me
22:20why the fuck is he getting so close
22:25bury my personal space bro thanks hilarious all right a couple more
22:30a wax lady was definitely playing with my pussy today but whatever reply why do people still wax when
22:36you can get laser four times and be done forever reply because the wax lady plays with pussy she just
22:42said so
22:45oh that's crazy that is crazy just a little cool what's going on never never never never never
22:52never never never never oh that's mad all right last one why do gay guys shoot their shots so aggressively
22:58man um quote tweet son slow jams was playing at my job and one day this giant guy staring me in my
23:05eyes and sung twister's verse word for word i ran away
23:12twister's verse slow jams slow down baby i can do it that fast but i know somebody who can
23:20twister i don't even remember i didn't even remember how that verse went
23:23wow let me get your sheet sweat listening to key sweat staring at you
23:42let me get your sheets wet listening to key sweat going as man big guy just stared him down
23:50i said yeah you know no wonder he ran away no wonder he let me get your sheets
23:54where listening to keys i couldn't have another man look at me in the eyes and told me that
24:01where's the wet coming from
24:03where's the wet coming from you're gonna make this your pussy is that what you're telling me
24:09you're gonna make this your pussy big man step back step back oh god
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