Mark Gatiss scenes as Leonard Boynton in Poirot: Appointment with Death (2009) S11E04
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TVTranscript
00:00I'm too fancy.
00:02Americans, do you know how to arrive?
00:06I'm the greatest, silly little man.
00:13Do you know who I am?
00:17I am the son of Lord Boynton.
00:25Thank you, sir.
00:30Bloody shampons.
00:34Typical.
00:36If you...
00:40Ah, excellent.
00:46There you are.
00:48It's Leonard.
00:50Boynton.
00:52Your steps are...
00:53How good of you to come, Mr. Boynton.
00:55Carol, my vitamins.
00:57Now, Mother? Clearly.
00:59Jenny, you look like you're suffering from consumption.
01:07You think they're a rum crew?
01:09Wait till you meet the archaeologist's husband.
01:11Although he's not actually psychotic, more just old-fashioned bonkers.
01:17Theodore Gerard.
01:19We have met.
01:21Bond's doctor.
01:23I advised him a case in Edinburgh.
01:25Just have a beard?
01:27Yes, of course.
01:28The Bond's doctor.
01:29I recognize you, monsieur.
01:31Of course, it's all a sham.
01:32The real object of the exercise is a reconciliation of his offspring and hers.
01:41Happy families among the tombs.
01:43They urge this harmony.
01:44Where Lady Boynton is, the music of the spheres is curiously like nails down a blackboard.
01:49Now, you must excuse me, my personal disorder.
01:53I can't help sticking my stupid face down the lion's throat.
02:01Do you mind if I do where you're from?
02:02It's just...
02:03...
02:05Oh my god.
02:06I'm sorry.
02:08I'm sorry.
02:09I'll see you around.
02:10Oh my god.
02:11He's afraid.
02:12He's afraid.
02:13No, no, no.
02:14Hurry up.
02:15Hurry up.
02:16Hurry up.
02:18Hurry up.
02:19Hurry up.
02:20Hurry up.
02:21Hurry up.
02:22Hurry up.
02:23Hurry up.
02:27Woah.
02:30Woah!
02:31Whoo! Looks like Lord Boynton's expedition's created quite a stir-
02:34What and what-not.
02:36The Honourable Leonard,
02:38the Sabbath was running his father's house in Dorset and knowing...
02:41You once said, father.
02:44The swans around the Middle East looking for the head of John the Baptist.
02:47As for the Polish nuns, you could live a heebie-jeebies, personally.
02:51What happened? What happened?
03:01Why did I stop? Why did I stop?
03:04No problem, no, no, no problem.
03:06Don't be afraid. No problem.
03:08Why did I stop? Why did I stop?
03:11What's the problem?
03:12Abdullah, Muhammad!
03:21What's he doing?
03:23No problem.
03:24No problem.
03:26Or perhaps there is a problem.
03:51Hmm. What are we here, I wonder? A mobile toll booth?
04:09Dame Celia Westholm.
04:12Sorry to hold up the bus, everybody. Camel was on load. I had to go back.
04:15Has Pointe made any significant progress? Does anybody know?
04:45Welcome, welcome, welcome. Did you have a nice journey? I know, it's ghastly, isn't it? Hello, little blossoms.
04:59Hot showers and cold beer for everyone. Even you, nanny, you raving old dips of maniac.
05:06Leonard, dear boy. Ah, my child, Brian.
05:19Dinner's in the pavilion at eight. Everyone's invited. Come along, Raymond.
05:26Utter bonanza of crippled personalities. I'd have paid extra for this.
05:30We're having a little extra for this.
05:32Unplugged
06:00Let's go.
06:30Make yourself useful, Leonard. Good man.
06:53Coming along.
06:55That blind chap down in the Arab camp,
06:58every night I hear him tell a variation on the same story.
07:02I've heard it all over Syria.
07:05The daughter of Herodias brought John the Baptist's severed head to this land.
07:11She buried it where the river meets the mountain.
07:16Now, I've been...
07:18Well, you shall come on the expedition today.
07:21If I have an attack on the way to the river,
07:23I'll most probably die.
07:26And the obvious solution is to remain here all day with Lady Boynton.
07:31You'd better come with us.
07:32Not a difficult decision.
07:33The sun is up.
07:35I shall spend today observing from the platform.
07:38Good idea, Poppet.
07:40Cracking view of the Casbah.
07:42You can keep a beady one on Leonard and myself.
07:45You assist with the digging, monsieur.
07:47Oh, I would assist with digging the drains
07:50if the alternative were enforced social intercourse
07:53with my father's ghastly ten-ton wife.
07:56You won't come down to the river?
07:58I can hear the gears grinding in the old cerebellum.
08:23Not really.
08:24I was just wondering how Lady Boynton managed to negotiate that ladder affair.
08:30It's pretty vertiginous.
08:32Would it kill you to call her mother?
08:35For me.
08:38Stepmother would do.
08:42God, it's hot.
08:44Yes, it is.
08:46Perhaps you would be kind enough
08:47to take the lady in question a glass of water.
08:51Father, look, I'm sorry,
08:52but are you genuinely blind
08:54to the way she treats
08:55everyone except you?
09:00Now.
09:12I say,
09:14would you like a drink?
09:16Can we get you anything at all
09:19to drink?
09:23Like a bucket of strychnine?
09:33Stay these buckets away from me.
09:37Perfectly well.
09:40Lie down.
09:40Doctor, what do we do?
09:49What was it?
09:50What did he say?
09:52He said,
09:52bugger off.
09:53Oh.
09:55Right you are.
09:56Can do.
09:57Or you.
10:00You stay.
10:01Continue with the digging, monsieur?
10:26I am given to understand
10:28it's what Lady Boynton
10:29would have wanted.
10:31You are, I think,
10:33pleased to forgive me,
10:36somewhere in this area,
10:37the southern room?
10:37Yes, Poirot.
10:38Do you think you could
10:39postpone your interrogation
10:40of the obvious murder suspect
10:42so he can arrange some necessities
10:44for his distressed father?
10:45Thank you so much.
10:46Oh, I understand
10:52you're looking for a chisel.
10:53Yes?
10:55Fill your boots.
11:08Monsieur?
11:09Merci.
11:10Look, Poirot,
11:11sorry to be so standoffish.
11:13A bit grim,
11:16seeing one's father cry.
11:17Right.
11:18Monsieur,
11:18vous en prie, monsieur.
11:20What do you want to do?
11:21I should like, monsieur,
11:22for you to tell me
11:23if you spoke to your stepmother
11:24yesterday afternoon
11:25and if so, when?
11:27Uh, we spoke
11:28about one o'clock,
11:31the hottest part of the day.
11:33Bon.
11:33She'd been perched up there
11:35like some evil great pudding
11:37ever since you lot set off.
11:41I say we spoke.
11:43I spoke.
11:45She ignored me.
11:47Nothing unusual about that.
11:49Can we get you anything at all?
11:50To drink?
11:52You know how it was.
11:54I mustn't disturb her
11:55when she was taking the son,
11:57but God help you
11:59if you're neglected to do so.
12:01Monsieur?
12:02Oui?
12:02We found this syringe.
12:03Ah.
12:04Where was this discovered?
12:06In the tent occupied
12:07by the old lady.
12:08Hmm?
12:08The nanny.
12:12Merci.
12:12What the hell was that?
12:35I don't know.
12:36I don't know.
12:36I don't know.
12:40You can't do what I'm moving.
12:42No.
12:43Where did it come from?
12:46It's gotta be something.
12:47I don't know.
12:48I can't have a stop.
12:51Over there.
12:59Get on the side.
13:00It's okay.
13:02You men.
13:08There we are.
13:17Don't let anyone leave.
13:19Oh, God, here comes that ghastly little Belgian, wringing his hands like the cowman come to collect his Christmas box.
13:35He's being respectful, Father.
13:36He's being a damn nuisance.
13:39Monsieur, come for a nightcap among the bereaved?
13:44Merci, Lord Boynton.
13:47Come, ma'am.
13:49Oh, for God's sake, sit down, Poirot.
13:54You're giving me indigestion hovering like that.
13:57Merci.
14:02I suppose it is quite proper that I should be questioned.
14:05I was on the spot at the time, and I imagine I inherit my wife's estate, so...
14:10And the estate of Lady Boynton, of what does this principally consist?
14:15Oh, God knows.
14:16I never had charge of the money.
14:17Leonora just subbed the digging as it went along.
14:21Do you know, Leonard?
14:22Raymond would have a clearer idea of value, but it must add up to a few quid.
14:28You disagree, monsieur?
14:29Since we have been in Syria, there has been the financial collapse, catastrophe.
14:35The Pierce Holding Company is utterly disintegrated.
14:40It seems that the death of Lady Boynton was not enough.
14:42It also seems that she has been obliterated from the earth.
14:48It may surprise you to know, Mr. Poirot, that I am not unaware that Lady Boynton was not universally adored.
14:54Like many women who know their own mind, she found it all too easy to make enemies.
14:59She did not make an enemy of me.
15:03I loved her.
15:05I am not ashamed to say so.
15:08To you, or to my son.
15:18Was it necessary to air that observation in quite that way?
15:22The methods of Poirot, monsieur, cannot always be irreable.
15:36Madame, excusez-moi, Dame Celia, were you acquainted with Lady Boynton before encountering her at the tomb?
15:43Well, I'd seen her about.
15:46And where had you seen her, madame?
15:48Lady Boynton was pointed out to me by a man at a party,
15:53who then proceeded to tell me rather a lot about her, about the way in particular...
15:57this case, mes amis, it is full of the red fish.
16:00This case, mes amis, is full of the red fish.
16:17This case, mes amis, it is full of the red fish.
16:27Herrings, possibly?
16:29Merci.
16:30There's so many diversions, so many distractions.
16:36Attend well to Poirot as he pierce them away like the skin of an onion.
16:40Oh, herrings, onions.
16:42Do get a rigolo, and there's a good fellow.
16:45Lord Boynton, your wife, she funded your expeditions as you went along.
16:50How much more efficient it would be to have the money all at once, no?
16:54Well, there is no money.
16:56Non, vraiment, monsieur, for you, non, there never has been.
16:59For the running of Boynton Hall,
17:01Aloha is for you always most arduous.
17:05Lady Boynton, she was always most munificent to your father,
17:09but never towards his son.
17:10You can stare at me significantly as long as you like, monsieur.
17:16I've done nothing wrong.
17:18Tell to Poirot what was in the bag.
17:21What bag?
17:23What did you agree to purchase from the Ragged Arrow boy?
17:27I remember the boy.
17:29I don't remember what rubbish he was flogging.
17:31Unfortunately, Poirot, he does.
17:34And from it, he extracted this.
17:52Voila.
17:52Voila what?
17:53Well, it's a tooth.
18:00D'être précis.
18:02It is a molar taken from the upper Joris and John.
18:06You will observe that it bears the traces of the filling of gold.
18:11For this skull,
18:13it was supposed to masquerade as the skull of Jean de Baptiste.
18:17But in fact, it is as you say, monsieur Lennard.
18:20What the devil are you talking about, man?
18:25This wasn't purchased from a hawker and planted.
18:29This is untouched.
18:31This entire sample was exhumed a situ in tacto.
18:39Forgive me, Poirot, but you're driveling utter bilge.
18:42Pompous little bilge.
18:44As my father has explained, this object was discovered undisturbed.
18:50It's a perfect fit.
18:58I don't understand.
19:00All your life, father.
19:06Traipsing about the Middle East,
19:08time after time,
19:10finding absolutely nothing of significance.
19:13I wanted it to end.
19:16You dear, deluded, stupid man.
19:20I never expected your wife's bloody money.
19:22I never wanted it.
19:23I wanted you to be free of this need.
19:28To find what you've been looking for.
19:37Do you mind if I step out for a while?
19:39I'll come with you.
19:40No, no.
19:42I simply wish to be alone for a moment.
19:45Is that permitted?
19:46Do you mind if I step out for a while?
19:47I'll come with you, sir.
19:48I'll come with you, sir.
20:07My first given name is ambiguous in terms of gender.
20:12The spelling is different, but it's also a girl's name.
20:16As a child, I found that tiresome.
20:20I would suggest that...
20:23Hello.
20:25Poirot has one more red herring left to fry,
20:30and it is a fish most substantial.
20:34The coronal, mes amis, he is not a policeman,
20:37but he's retained by the foreign office.
20:40His mission in Syria was to uncover and destroy
20:42the trafficking of female slaves,
20:44the abduction...
20:46The key to the murder of Lady Boynton.
20:55It is not who, it is when.
20:59Dame Celia, do you have any children?
21:02No, I do not.
21:04I urge you to reconsider your answer, mother.
21:07A junior maid?
21:08Oui, c'est ça.
21:10A servant of the lowest position,
21:11whose duty it is to scr-
21:33Yeah.