- 4/30/2025
Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 4 Episode 5 Beer Bad
Category
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TVTranscript
00:00What are you doing?
00:02Making a choice.
00:05Parker, did I do something wrong?
00:08Didn't you have fun?
00:10Is that all it was?
00:11What else was it supposed to be?
00:13He's manipulative and shallow.
00:17And why doesn't he want me?
00:19Say hi to non-college guy.
00:22Not that I'm mine, but don't non-college guys usually populate the non-campus?
00:27Townie, huh?
00:28That's so normal.
00:55Buffy?
00:56Buffy?
00:57Parker?
00:59Stay down.
01:10Buffy!
01:11Buffy!
01:11Buffy!
01:14Buffy!
01:15Buffy!
01:24Buffy!
01:25Buffy!
01:27Buffy!
01:28Buffy!
01:37Buffy!
01:38Buffy!
01:50Buffy!
01:51Buffy!
01:53Buffy!
01:54Buffy!
01:54After how I've treated you, now I owe you my life.
02:02It's nothing.
02:04It's everything.
02:06You're everything.
02:08And I'm going to do whatever it takes to get you to forgive me.
02:14Do you think one day you might?
02:18No.
02:19I don't know.
02:31These are the things we want.
02:36Simple things.
02:37Comfort.
02:38Sex.
02:39Shelter.
02:39Food.
02:40We always want them, and we want them all the time.
02:44The id doesn't learn.
02:46It doesn't grow up.
02:47It has the ego telling it what it can't have, and it has the superego telling it what it shouldn't want.
02:55But the id works solely out of the pleasure principle.
02:59It wants.
03:01Whatever social skills we've learned, however much we've evolved, the pleasure principle is at work in all of us.
03:10So, how does this conflict with the ego manifest itself in the psyche?
03:15What do we do when we can't have what we want?
03:36Buffy, I don't know what to say.
03:39After how I've treated you, and now I owe you my life.
03:46Can you ever forgive me?
03:48Buffy, I don't know what to say.
03:49I don't know what to say.
03:49I don't know what to say.
03:49I don't know what to say.
03:50I don't know what to say.
03:50I don't know what to say.
03:51I don't know what to say.
03:51I don't know what to say.
03:52I don't know what to say.
03:53I don't know what to say.
03:54I don't know what to say.
03:55I don't know what to say.
03:56I don't know what to say.
03:57I don't know what to say.
03:58I don't know what to say.
03:59I don't know what to say.
04:00I don't know what to say.
04:01I don't know what to say.
04:02I don't know what to say.
04:03I don't know what to say.
04:04I don't know what to say.
05:05Rough day?
05:10Come on, buh. Be a lonely drunk.
05:16Rough day?
05:18Stop flicking at me.
05:21Work with me here.
05:22I'm finally an essential part of your college-y life.
05:26No more looking down on the townie.
05:29I'm the new bartender over at the pub.
05:31Got my lighter, my rag, my empathy face.
05:36Aren't you too young to be a bartender?
05:40Au contraire, mon frère.
05:41Mon frère means brother.
05:43Mon girl frère.
05:46Behold.
05:49I don't believe this is entirely on the up-and-up.
05:53What gives it away?
05:54Looking at it.
05:56Well, no one's gonna see it anyway.
05:58Now I'm the bartender.
06:00I kick people out.
06:01You know there's more to it than wiping and kicking.
06:07Mixing drinks, for instance.
06:09Well, I've seen cocktail.
06:11I can do the hippie-hippie shake.
06:14Well, even if I had a pretend cigarette, I couldn't tell you my pretend problems.
06:19Real ones have clogged up my headspace.
06:22Ooh.
06:23Then unload them right here, baby.
06:27Rough day.
06:29You want to talk about it?
06:32Shutting up now.
06:34I'm pregnant by my stepbrother, who'd rather be with my best friend.
06:38And he's left me with no place to live, no food, except for this bottle of wild turkey, which I drank all of.
06:48That was me being tanked and friendless for you.
06:52Gets my Oscar nod.
06:54You know what?
06:54It's class time.
06:57So you're gonna come by tonight?
06:58To the pub?
07:00Oz from state.
07:04You know, maybe...
07:05Maybe he's just having trouble dealing.
07:08I mean, don't guys sometimes keep the girls they really, really like inside these deep little brain fantasy bubbles where everything's perfect?
07:20I mean, they do that, right?
07:22How's the fugue state coming along?
07:25Parker.
07:27Maybe I'm in his bubble.
07:29And then pretty soon he's gonna realize that he wants more than just bubble Buffy.
07:34And he'll pop me out, and we'll go to dinner, and it could happen, right?
07:42Buffy, that is my best friend.
07:45You need to think about not Parker.
07:47He's no good.
07:49There are men, better men, wherein the mind is stronger than the penis.
07:55Nothing can defeat the penis.
07:58Too loud.
08:02Very unseemly.
08:03I mean, I'm sorry to be so coarse, but I feel strongly about the stinky Parker man.
08:12He can be really sweet.
08:14I'm telling you, I think that he has intimacy problems because of the death of his father.
08:19Not interested.
08:21You got troubles?
08:22Tell him to the bartender.
08:23That's right, because the bartender's always ready to listen.
08:27What?
08:28What?
08:29For the last year, a picture of beer.
08:32Okay.
08:32And you had a rum and coke, and you had a poker's light, and a block on the rocks, and a water.
08:39Is that right?
08:40Do I have to write this down for you?
08:42Gold ale, a glass of ice water, a glass of white wine, and a daiquiri.
08:48Ice water.
08:50Put it on the rocks.
08:51Hold it up.
08:54Go.
08:55Go.
08:55Go.
08:56Go.
08:56Go.
08:57Go.
08:57Go.
08:58Go.
08:59Go.
09:00Go.
09:01Go.
09:02Go.
09:03Go.
09:04Go.
09:05Go.
09:06Go.
09:07Go.
09:08Go.
09:09Go.
09:10Go.
09:11Go.
09:12Go.
09:13Go.
09:14Go.
09:15Go.
09:16Go.
09:19Go.
09:20Go.
09:21Go.
09:22Yeah.
09:23Oh, woah!
09:24Oh, Riley.
09:25So sorry.
09:26See, you know, most people go around.
09:30And I'm not saying you can't tell them through me, I just think the other ways, quickly.
09:35In my defense you do take up a lot of space.
09:39I do.
09:40game. You looking for someone? Uh, I just saw, um, Parker over there. Right. Parker and
09:53his latest conquest. You know, that boy should have his attention span checked. He's kind
09:59of a girl chaser, huh? Sets him up and knocks him down. I guess maybe I'm old fashioned,
10:05but my father always says, if you want to be a gentleman, you don't even care what my
10:12father says. I'm sorry. What? Forget about it. Yeah, I got some people waiting. I'll see
10:22you in class, man.
10:35Rough day? Nah, it's been super. We accepted Melody's pledge and made her an official sister
10:53of Beta Delta Gamma. And our pins arrived today. I designed it myself. You are so sharp. Hey,
11:03Paula, are you keeping this fine bartender from his duty? A man's got to make a living.
11:09It's all right. So, guys and I is a little bit of a celebration. I, I, I, I said it's
11:16all right. I'm due for a break. Oh. So, well, what were you discussing? Maybe we can all
11:24join. Be nice. Ah, forget it. No, no, no. I rudely interrupted. And it sounds like the
11:33two of you were having quite the meeting of minds. Possibly debating the geopolitical
11:39ramifications of bioengineering. You have a take on that?
11:42I've got beer. You want some beer? Uh, yeah. A pitcher of Black Frost. You see, I think
11:55we have a perfect venue here for conducting a little sociometry. A bipolar continuum of
12:01attraction and rejection. Now, given your socioeconomic statuses, I foresee a B rejects A diet.
12:11I'm sorry. Let me clarify. You see, we are the future of this country, and you keep the
12:22bowl of peanuts full. We are what these girls want. And, uh, four glasses.
12:30How's that I see some ID? Kid, you're not getting a drop until I'm satisfied that...
12:37Just give him a beer.
12:39Nice. Buffy? Rough day? You want to tell me about it?
13:07It's just... It's just... Parker's problem with intimacy turns out to be that he can't get
13:17enough of it. And I know it. I knew what he was. If he were tied and gagged and left in a cave
13:29that vampires happen to frequent, it wouldn't really be like I killed him, really.
13:36Buffy. I'm a slut. No. Idiot. No. You gotta stop being so hot on your...
13:43Hey! Sorry. So sorry. I'm better. This is out. Do not go anywhere.
13:54Oh! Oh! I am so sorry. I just... I seem to be bumping into people today. I can't imagine
14:16anybody minding. You're not thinking of leaving, are you? Because we have a very strict policy
14:24against you leaving. At least until you've had a drink. Yeah. What my friend's just saying
14:31is you shouldn't be sat in alone right now. I mean, you're a very beautiful girl who should
14:38be covered with men. And could we be those men? It's on us.
14:46It's on us.
14:47It's on us.
14:48It's on us.
14:53It's on us.
15:16Hey, you got a table.
15:24I had to kill a man.
15:26Well, it's a really good table.
15:30I copied out my notes for Sykes and you were so elsewhere this morning.
15:35Thanks.
15:36It's really pretty simple stuff, you know, just...
15:41What's the matter?
15:44I don't know.
15:44I don't know.
15:48There's something.
16:01I'll take you up above ground
16:12Oh, I feel over by
16:22Newly in my...
16:31We could go back to your place.
16:33I could make you soup.
16:38Oh, that's okay. I'm fine. Thanks.
16:41Do you know her?
16:57Veruca?
16:58Veruca?
16:58No.
16:59I know they're a drummer in school
17:01But I've never heard them play
17:03Out of my head
17:07Out of my head
17:11Into him
17:16To distance my myself
17:19I'll take you up above ground
17:30Overfield
17:40The thing that the modern-day pundits fail to realize
17:46is that all the socioeconomic and psychological problems
17:51inherent in modern society can be solved
17:54by the judicious application of way too much beer.
18:00Black Frost is the only beer.
18:03My mother always said beer is evil.
18:06Evil, good.
18:08These are moral absolutes that predate the fermentation of malt and fine hops.
18:14See, where was I?
18:20I'm really not sure.
18:22Well, Thomas Aquinas...
18:24Oh, there'll be no Thomas Aquinas at this table.
18:28Keep your theology of providence to yourself, fat boy.
18:31I was just drawing a parallel between beer.
18:34Had the earliest morality developed under the influence of beer,
18:38there would be no good or evil.
18:40There would be kind of nice and pretty cool.
18:44Everything would be different.
18:48You guys really love to hear yourself speak, don't you?
18:52All right, we're losing her, guys.
18:54Say something interesting.
18:55Well, tell us about yourself.
18:57Yeah, what do you like?
18:59Well, I don't hate this for a start.
19:03Yep.
19:06Nice.
19:09My name's Veruca.
19:11I'm in a band.
19:12Oh, I'm Oz.
19:14I'm in a band, too.
19:16Oh, and this is Will.
19:18Oh, how funny.
19:20Groupie.
19:22Groupie.
19:25Bob, have you heard of this Veruca check?
19:27Dresses like Faith, voice like an albatross?
19:32TV is a good thing.
19:35Bright colors.
19:38Music.
19:40Tiny little people.
19:42What have you done with Buffy?
19:50I'm suffering the afterness of a bad night of badness.
19:58You didn't?
19:59Not with Parker again?
20:00No.
20:02With four really smart guys.
20:06Four?
20:08Oh.
20:10Oh.
20:11Oh, Buffy, are you okay?
20:16Do you want to talk about it?
20:20I went to see Xander.
20:24I saw Parker.
20:27Then came beer.
20:31Then group sex?
20:34Got her face?
20:35No.
20:37Just lots and lots of beer.
20:41It's nice.
20:44Foamy.
20:46Comforting.
20:48It's beer.
20:51Drowning your troubles over Parker.
20:55Mind-frying man.
20:58He deserves a torturous and slow death by spider bites.
21:03Well, for today, we'll just have to throw spitballs at his neck in class.
21:11Okay.
21:11Okay.
21:21But getting dressed would be fun, too.
21:24Next class, we'll be moving on to personality types and disorders.
21:36For those of you who have done the reading, you already know.
21:40Yes?
21:42She read the reading.
21:43Well, she'll have some time on her hands.
21:50As I was saying, we won't be able to cover it all in class, but that doesn't mean it isn't worth knowing, and it doesn't mean it won't be on the midterm.
21:59Now, if I've been unclear in any way, speak now.
22:06Buffy!
22:06Good.
22:07Now, before you go, make sure you get the paper machine from the TA.
22:12Based on that, choose three essay drawings and hand them to me at the start of the class on Monday.
22:18The beginning.
22:19The end.
22:20How would you do it?
22:20Are you there?
22:21Yeah.
22:21You're there.
22:22The end.
22:23The end.
22:28The end.
22:32The end.
22:32The end.
22:33The end.
22:38But I was looking at the end.
22:43The end.
22:44The end.
22:45It's good.
23:14No more, but it's good.
23:18Yeah.
23:21Follow me.
23:22You should come to our class and big thinking.
23:26It's good.
23:30Yeah.
23:34Boy, I'm having the worst day.
23:38You got a light?
23:44I like girls.
23:47You stupid.
23:50Are you stupid?
23:51No, you stupid.
23:55Smelly head.
23:57Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
24:02Oh, ha, ha, ha.
24:05Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
24:16Willow.
24:18Hey.
24:18i tried calling yeah i've been at the library
24:25how are you feeling what do you mean well you weren't in class again oh yeah i was practicing
24:33hey shy's playing again tonight shy yeah veruca's man and they asked me to sit in with him
24:41it'd be kind of cool if you were there two veruca shows in two nights you sure you want to share
24:50your groupie i think i'm just gonna study because of the fun
24:55yeah i guess i could see how it'd be dull for you
25:01see ya
25:09yeah
25:12he's stupid
25:21no you stupid
25:25no you
25:28you
25:38hey
25:48like it
26:04it's time to go home buffy
26:08want more singing
26:10want more beer
26:12well i've cut you off
26:14did it hurt
26:18out you go
26:20oh
26:22oh
26:23oh
26:24oh
26:26oh
26:28bad bad bad beer
26:29what the hell am i saying buffy
26:33go home
26:35and go to bed
26:37say
26:39say bye
26:41bye
26:43bye
26:45bye
26:47hey
26:55hey
26:57where'd girl go
26:59go
27:07oh
27:09oh
27:11hey
27:21uh
27:23did you want something
27:35yes
27:36yes
27:37i want to give you a piece of my mind
27:39i'm tired of you men in your
27:43madness
27:45puffy's
27:46puffy's really hurting right now
27:47in fact
27:49she's like she's in need of a big mental tidy
27:53parker
27:55why don't you do this
27:57why don't you do this to her
27:59i don't get what you mean
28:00what did i do
28:01she shared something very intimate with you
28:05and you act like it's nothing more than a bag of
28:09some kind of snack food
28:13willow
28:15i'm not sure i need to explain my actions here
28:19but if that's what you want
28:21yes followed by an admission of undeniable guilt but gone
28:31some relationships center on a deep emotional tie
28:37or a loyal friendship or something
28:40but most are just two people passing through life
28:45enriching or aggravating each other's lives briefly
28:50go on
28:54just for one night
28:57can't two people who feel an attraction come together and
29:01create something wonderful
29:04and then go back to their lives the next day better for it but never
29:07over analyzing it or
29:10wanting it to be more than it was
29:16i have
29:18she should too
29:23people like buffy and me
29:27assume that intimacy means
29:30to friendship and respect
29:34people shouldn't have to ask first or you can be eyeing other prospects tomorrow
29:39people shouldn't have to preface casual sex with
29:44just so you know i'll never grow any older with you
29:46it takes the fire out of it
30:00maybe
30:01willow
30:06willow i don't regret what happened
30:11or what we did
30:14but i am sorry that buffy's hurting and if i misled her i'm sorry for that too i didn't mean to
30:19i'm impressed that you care so much about her
30:26you're a good friend
30:32your good friend
30:33all right time to pay up and
30:49go home guys
31:01go home
31:10let's see i'll take this one
31:12and this one
31:14and this one
31:15you know i've always had a problem calculating the tip and you guys being so dapper of brain
31:24maybe you can help me out
31:25okay
31:29great
31:30see if your bill comes to 38 dollars and generally people tip what approximately
31:3930 percent that makes your tip what
31:51you are so smart
31:55this is so the right amount
31:59somebody didn't have their fiber today
32:01hey you all right in there
32:12buddy
32:31oh god
32:37let's get out of here
32:53oh
33:01hey easy we're cool
33:29oh god
33:43fight her angry
33:54jack
33:55jack
33:57we got a problem
33:59the guys they
34:01they're
34:04some of your patrons are turning into cave men
34:07they had it coming
34:27help to hire me
34:38they had it coming
34:40in the cave
34:43in the cave
34:46in the cave
34:46in the cave
34:48they got so much
34:49I've been taking abuse from snot-nosed kids for 20 years.
35:07I mean, they're always coming in here with their snotty attitudes, drinking their fruity
35:12little micro-brews, and spouting out some philosophy like it means a damn thing, thinking
35:18they're different than us.
35:20They are now.
35:22They ain't.
35:23That's the great thing about beer, it makes all men the same.
35:26Why are we talking about beer?
35:28The guys are...
35:33The beer.
35:35Neat, huh?
35:36My brother-in-law's a warlock, he showed me how to do this.
35:39No!
35:40No neat!
35:41I served them that beer.
35:43I served Buffy that beer.
35:47Uh, how much beer would you say a person would need to consume before they seriously
35:51start questing for fire?
35:53Relax, it'll wear off in a day or so.
35:55In a day or so, someone can get killed.
36:02You're a bad, bad man.
36:03You're a bad, bad man.
36:04You're a bad, bad man.
36:09Okay.
36:10I need a rain, bad man.
36:11You're a bad man.
36:16Go ahead.
36:36I didn't see him.
36:43Is he okay?
37:06Oh, oh, oh!
37:18Well, I cut her off before the others.
37:20I don't think she has much to drink.
37:22I can't believe you served Buffy that beer.
37:24I didn't know it was evil.
37:25You knew it was beer.
37:27Well, excuse me, mister.
37:28I spent the 60s in an electric Kool-Aid funky Satan groove.
37:32It was the early 70s, and you should know better.
37:34I'm not the dad of her.
37:35Buffy's a grown-up.
37:37He's intelligent enough to...
37:41Parker, bad.
38:01I don't mean this in a bragging way,
38:03but I do get to know a lot of women.
38:09Well, getting to know people is good.
38:15But I haven't found the one yet.
38:19I've yet to find a girl that I can just, you know, sit with,
38:26feeling totally at ease, spewing whatever's on my mind,
38:30or even sit with comfortably in silence.
38:34Willow, can I tell you something kind of private?
38:43Okay.
38:45I mean, I feel you've shown me a perspective I hadn't really thought much about before.
38:52What is it you wanted to tell me?
38:56Just that I've enjoyed talking with you here tonight.
39:08Me too.
39:11I mean, with you.
39:16You know, I'm wondering something about you.
39:21What?
39:23Just how gullible do you think I am?
39:29I mean, with your gentle eyes and your shy smile and your ability to talk openly only to me.
39:37You're unbelievable.
39:41What?
39:42This isn't sharing.
39:44This isn't connecting.
39:46It's the pleasure principle.
39:49That's right.
39:50I got your number in, boy.
39:52Only thing you're thinking about is how long before you can jump on my bones.
39:57Look, if you think that I'm...
39:59I mean, you men.
40:00It's all about the sex.
40:03Find a woman, drag her to your den,
40:04and do whatever's necessary just as long as you get the sex.
40:08I tell you, men haven't changed since the dawn of time.
40:18See?
40:32Fascinating, really.
40:34The TV is off.
41:02Want...
41:04Want...
41:05Want...
41:06People.
41:07Well, she doesn't appear to be in any immediate danger.
41:11Maybe you should stay with her.
41:17Boys smell nice.
41:21Or perhaps you should be left alone.
41:23Yeah, I think we need to track down the fun boys somewhat pronto.
41:28Jack said the effects of the beer would wear off.
41:30Beer?
41:31Buffy want beer.
41:33Buffy want beer.
41:35You can't have beer.
41:46Want...
41:47Beer.
41:49Giles, don't make Cave Slayer unhappy.
41:55Buffy strong.
41:56Yes.
41:57Buffy's strong.
41:58Yes.
41:59Buffy's strong.
42:00Buffy get beer.
42:01Buffy get...
42:02Ow!
42:03Ow!
42:04Giles!
42:05I'm fine.
42:06Giles!
42:07I'm fine.
42:08Just get her.
42:15Which way?
42:16Um...
42:17Check down there.
42:18We have to find her before someone gets hurt.
42:20He gets hurt.
42:41Woman.
42:46Man!
42:47Woman!
42:52Woman!
42:56Oh, ah, ah!
43:10Oh, oh, ah!
43:12Oh, umas, umas!
43:14Ah!
43:15Oh, my God.
43:46Buffy!
43:52Aha!
43:55Can't find the beer. Good.
43:59Freshman girl not able to hold the beer. Shouldn't have it. Get into trouble.
44:06Hey, hey, we're good.
44:09Remember the boy?
44:11Boys smell nice, yeah?
44:13Is there any part of Buffy still in there?
44:23Oh, no.
44:30Fire's bad.
44:31Fire's bad.
44:32Fire's bad.
44:34Fire's bad.
44:35Fire's bad.
44:36Fire's bad.
44:37Fire's bad.
44:38Fire's bad.
44:39Fire's bad.
44:40Fire's bad.
44:41Fire's bad.
44:42Fire's bad.
44:43Fire's bad.
44:44Fire's bad.
44:45Fire's bad.
44:46Fire's bad.
44:47Fire's bad.
44:48Fire's bad.
44:48Fire's bad.
44:49Fire's bad.
44:50Fire's bad.
44:51Fire's bad.
44:51Fire's bad.
44:52Fire's bad.
44:53Fire's bad.
44:54Fire's bad.
44:55Fire's bad.
44:56Fire's bad.
44:56Fire's bad.
44:57Fire's bad.
44:58Fire's bad.
44:59Oh, my God.
45:29Oh, my God.
45:59Oh, my God.
46:29Oh, my God.
46:59Oh, my God.
47:29Oh, my God.
47:59Oh, my God.
48:29Oh, my God.
48:59Oh, my God.
49:29Oh, my God.
49:59Oh, my God.
50:29Oh, my God.
50:59Oh, my God.
51:29Oh, my God.
51:59Oh, my God.
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49:06
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