- 4/25/2025
Frasier Season 1 Episode 19 Give Him The Chai R!
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00:00depart from my usual format, because I recently read a book that, well, it truly just knocked my
00:08mental socks off. It's called The Menopausal Male, and its author, the distinguished psychiatric
00:15scholar, Dr. Helmut Brugger, has graciously agreed to join us today from his offices at
00:21the University of Washington, Dr. Brugger, guten tag. I've been an admirer of yours for a long time.
00:31Thank you. I enjoy your show as well. Really? Yes, though I do not in most cases agree with your
00:38analysis. Back to your book. Now, we're all very familiar with the changes that occur in the female
00:48menopause, but your research indicates... Excuse me, Dr. Crane, may I say hello to Ross?
00:57Yes, of course. Hello, Ross. Hello, Dr. Brugger. Yes, your research indicates that the reproductive
01:09imperative is reawakened in later life, when the man is... You have a very sensuous voice.
01:18Thank you. Not you, Ross. Yes, well, back to male menopause. Would you perhaps like to go to a movie
01:29sometime? Maybe grab a bite? Well, that would be very... No, no, thank you very much. Well, our time has just
01:38flown by. Thank you for joining us, Dr. Brugger, and for so vividly proving your point. You will give Ross my
01:45number. Oh, I think Ross has your number.
02:01Oh, hello, Dr. Crane. Hello, Daphne. I hope I haven't come at a bad time. Well, your brother isn't home
02:07from work yet, and your father's out walking Eddie. Oh, darn the luck. I, uh, I stopped by to drop this
02:15off. It's a necklace I bought for Maris. I was hoping to hide it here until her birthday. Well,
02:21I'm sure it would be all right. Mind if I have a peek? Not at all.
02:30My, emeralds. Your practice must be doing awfully well. Who'd have thought the mentally disturbed had this
02:38much money?
02:38Would you like to try it on? Oh, I'd love to. If you don't think Mrs. Crane would mind. Oh,
02:49certainly not. Maris is the soul of generosity. Just last week, she donated all her old cocktail
02:55dresses to a homeless shelter. Oh, let me just get my hair out of the way. There we go. Oh,
03:05dear. Oh, my. Oh, yes. Thank you. Hello, Niles. Whatever are you doing here? I, um, bought an
03:28emerald necklace for Maris, and I needed someplace to hide it for her.
03:35Emeralds. Well, may I see it? Not at the moment, no.
03:46Why not? It's down me blouse. I see. Well, I'm sure Maris will never think of looking for it there.
03:58It slipped down there when I was trying it on. I'll just go extract it.
04:02Just called me Butterfingers. Join a health club, Niles.
04:12Hey, guys. Hey, Dad.
04:14Oh, hi, Dad.
04:15Oh, Niles. What brings you by?
04:17Uh, Maris' birthday. I'm hiding her gift here.
04:20Oh, it's getting that time again, huh? Oh, I guess I'm gonna have to get it something.
04:25Oh, it's too bad. I just got back from the hardware store. It's our great-looking ratchet set.
04:34If there's anything left on her that needs tightening.
04:37Oh, Dad. No, no. Not more duct tape.
04:50Yeah.
04:53I gotta repair a little split in the old throne here.
04:58Uh, you gotta catch these rips earlier. They look like hell.
05:07You know, Dad, instead of repairing this old relic all the time, what am I just bring the Eames down here?
05:11Oh, no. That thing's too fancy for me. I just need a comfortable place to park my fanny.
05:17About Florida.
05:18I heard that.
05:23God, you know, when you think of all the care I put into decorating my home, only to have it marked by this atrocity.
05:31The bottom line is, it is your home. Why don't you just make him get rid of it?
05:35Guess what? It's not as simple as all that. I mean, one would have to find the appropriate moment.
05:40I mean, Dad does have his feelings, and one should consider those.
05:43And he has quite an attachment to this little chair, and you're afraid to stand up to him, aren't you?
05:49Oh, like you're not.
05:52Well, at least I don't have to live with something unattractive.
06:03Oh, Niles, Niles, I'm just having some fun with you.
06:07Actually, I think Maris is rather attractive in a minimalist sort of way.
06:13Oh, forget it. I'm just upset about the chair.
06:19You know, Frasier, there's a perfectly sound psychological basis for getting rid of this chair.
06:25Oh, really? Well, enlighten me, doctor.
06:27With pleasure.
06:29Originally, Dad needed it to bridge the transition from his old apartment to life here with you.
06:34But as with all transitional objects, be they a teddy bear, be they a thumb, be they a blankie, be they a chair...
06:42Stop saying be they!
06:43The point is, there comes a time when the healthy thing is to put these security objects aside and reassert your independence.
06:54Yes, of course.
06:56So what you're saying is that if I should, say, go down to the store and buy Dad a new chair, throw this one in the trash heap...
07:02Indeed, I wouldn't be doing it for me, I'd be doing it for him.
07:06Yes.
07:07And it would be a nice payback for the day he used your blankie to clean his service revolver.
07:13Oh, I'm sorry, our time is up.
07:15Dear God, Frasier, we've stumbled upon Hell's Waiting Room.
07:45All right, now, this is not a moment for the faint of heart.
07:50We're treading a thin line here, Niles.
07:53We've got to find something that complements my decor as well as fulfills Dad's requirements.
07:58Oh, dear God.
08:02Can you imagine anyone would have something like that in their living room?
08:05It looks like someone upholstered it in golf pants.
08:09Excuse me, perhaps you could help us here.
08:12Yeah, perhaps.
08:13We're looking for a chair.
08:14We got him.
08:15Well, wait, wait, wait, wait.
08:17Ideally, we're looking for something with the presence of a Mise van der Rohe and the playful
08:21insouciance of an early Le Corbusier.
08:25This one vibrates.
08:28Yes, well, perhaps you could direct us to your recliners, preferably one in suede.
08:35People seem to like this lazy guy.
08:38Lazy guy?
08:39I wonder what they call the deluxe model.
08:41The hopeless slack ass?
08:50Oh, hey.
08:51Well, what about this one over here?
08:54You know, I hate to admit it, but that would not look altogether hideous in my living room.
08:58Well, have a seat.
08:59This one's got Swedish massage.
09:01No, thank you.
09:02No, no, no.
09:03Go ahead.
09:03I'll try to...
09:04I'll fire it up for you.
09:06That won't be necessary.
09:07I'd like to sit in my chair.
09:09I don't really like to vibrate very much.
09:12No.
09:13Thank you, honey.
09:18It also has shiatsu.
09:21Oh.
09:27I never knew a chair could be this satisfying.
09:32I never knew that anything could.
09:34I want it.
09:37Right, now, as I'm sure it would fit right in with all of Maris' 18th century antiques.
09:41Well, then I'll just rent it in an apartment and visit it on the side.
09:50So, what do you think?
09:51Why don't you have a try yourself?
09:53Well, I don't really think that's necessary.
09:55You see, I'm buying it from my father, and who knows, you know, about other people's tastes.
10:00Something seems like it's not quite just me.
10:02Well, yes, it's true.
10:03Oh, it's...
10:04Oh, oh, mommy!
10:18Eddie?
10:19What is the matter with him?
10:21He saw your father's chair was gone, and he's afraid it means your father's gone, too.
10:26I think he suspects foul play.
10:28Oh, stop it!
10:31If I had stuck Dad's feet into a bucket of cement and thrown him into Puget Sound, you'd have been the tiny little splash that followed him.
10:43Oh, that must be Leo.
10:44Wait till you see this.
10:46Come on.
10:49I have to pray, Mickwick.
10:50All right, now, just be careful now, Leo.
10:52You know, watch the furniture and the walls.
10:54Excuse me, but I happen to be a professional.
10:56I take a lot of pride in my work, and I never...
10:59Oh, how'd that get there?
11:03Hey, look, at least I didn't lose my license this time, right?
11:05All right, all right.
11:06Quickly, quickly.
11:07I'm sure Beavis will start to wonder where you are.
11:10Actually, Leo, as long as you're here, we're having a problem with a leaky faucet in the sink.
11:21And where would that be?
11:23In the kitchen, dear.
11:25Hey, that wasn't a dumb question.
11:26You've got bathrooms, too, don't you?
11:28None that you'll be going anywhere near.
11:32Dr. Crane, it's lovely.
11:35Well, I thought the other one was nice, but this is smashing.
11:39Well, try it out, try it out.
11:41And it has a little surprise.
11:45This is comfy.
11:47Although it's a little on the soft side, I prefer...
11:53Hello.
11:57Oh, this is enough to make me give up my search for a meaningful relationship.
12:08Oh, quick, quick, Dad, Dad, get out, get out, get out, get out.
12:11Oh, all right, just like a man.
12:14Now you've had your fun, you don't care where I am.
12:22Hey there.
12:23Hi, Dad, I've got a little surprise for you.
12:30What's that?
12:31It's your new easy chair.
12:35Well, what do you know about Dad?
12:40Where's my old chair?
12:41It's down in the star space.
12:43Come on, try this one out.
12:44Oh, look, I appreciate this, Frasier, but that...
12:48It really isn't me.
12:50Dad, Dad, you haven't even sat in it yet.
12:52Come on, come on, come on, down, Martin Green.
12:55Come on.
13:09That's disgusting.
13:10No, no, look, Frasier, I'm sorry, but, you know, I'm a creature, a habit, and I think
13:19I'd rather have my old chair back.
13:21Oh, Dad, but why?
13:23I mean, this chair's a lot more comfortable than the old one, and it's therapeutic as well.
13:27No, you know, I just never cared for leather, you know?
13:30You stick to it in the hot weather, you can't sit in it in your shorts, you know, it makes
13:35my back sweat.
13:37Black's hot.
13:38I, I, I, I'm sorry, I just couldn't get used to it in this chair.
13:41All right, Dad, fine.
13:43The important thing is that you lived with it for a full 15 seconds.
13:47Leo!
13:50Leo, we need you to bring Mr. Crane's chair back in here.
13:53Uh, no can do, fish and chips.
13:55Someone took it.
13:57What?
13:57Are you saying that someone broke into my storage space and stole my father's chair?
14:02Your storage space.
14:04Well, that's why I told you to put it.
14:05You did put it there, didn't you?
14:07Oh, man, not another day like last Tuesday.
14:11Where's my chair, Leo?
14:13I took it down to the dumpster and someone snagged it.
14:15It's pretty bitchin', you know, I almost kept it myself.
14:17You threw my chair away.
14:19Are you happy now?
14:20It's gone.
14:20Listen, Leo, you have got to find that chair.
14:22I don't care what you have to do.
14:23Comb the entire building.
14:24Search the neighborhood.
14:25Just find my father's chair.
14:27Get the chair.
14:28Get the chair.
14:29Find the chair.
14:30What am I, the building lackey?
14:31Yes!
14:32Oh, okay.
14:37Well, if no one's going to want this, we can put it in my room.
14:48Maybe later.
14:49You two talk it over.
14:50Well, this couldn't have worked out any better for you, could it?
14:54You've been trying to get rid of that chair from the day I moved in here.
14:57Dad, you could at least show a little gratitude.
15:00I didn't do this for me.
15:01I did it for you.
15:02Like hell.
15:03Jesus, you're acting like I lost the chair on purpose.
15:06Hey, let me tell you something.
15:09That chair was the only thing that made me feel comfortable in this house.
15:12It made me feel that maybe this was my home, too.
15:15Oh, baloney.
15:17Ever since you got here, all I'm trying to do is make you comfortable.
15:20I don't even know why I bothered.
15:21I mean, everybody knows that Martin Crane doesn't like calfskin.
15:25He prefers duct tape.
15:29And food crumbs.
15:32There we are.
15:33And let's have a little dribble of beer while we're at it.
15:36Why not?
15:36There.
15:37That's delightful.
15:38Oh, and let's not forget to top it all off, just the slightest bit of dog hair.
15:49I suppose you're going to be thrown out of here by the dumpster next.
15:52Oh, Dad, I don't know why you're carrying on this way.
15:55We are, after all, talking about a 25-year-old broken-down chair.
15:58If you don't like this chair, I'll get you another one.
16:00Any chair you want.
16:01Really?
16:03All right, I'll tell you what chair I want.
16:04I want the chair I was sitting in when I watched Neil Armstrong take his first step on the moon.
16:11And when the U.S. hockey team beat the Russians in the 80 Olympics.
16:16I want the chair I was sitting in the night you called me to tell me I had a grandson.
16:22I want the chair I was in all those nights when your mother used to wake me up with a kiss
16:26after I'd fallen asleep in front of the television.
16:30You know, I still fall asleep in it.
16:32And every once in a while, when I wake up, I still expect your mother to be there ready to lead me off to bed.
16:46Oh, never mind.
16:49It's only the chair.
16:53Come on, Eddie.
16:53Come on, Eddie.
16:53Hey, Frayge.
17:02How was your weekend?
17:03Hellish.
17:04Great.
17:05So let me tell you what happened to me.
17:07See, I had this most incredible date Saturday night.
17:10It was really hot.
17:12So Sunday, I'm driving home.
17:14Sunday?
17:15I told you it was hot.
17:17So anyway, my car breaks down right in front of this church, and all the people are just coming out after their show.
17:24No, service.
17:25What?
17:26Churches don't have shows.
17:27They have services.
17:29Can I finish my story?
17:31All right.
17:31All right.
17:32So, I walk up to the minister.
17:34Is that all right?
17:35And I ask him if I can use his phone.
17:38And he tells me my sweater's on Inside Out.
17:43One thing led to another, and we have a date tonight.
17:46Ministers aren't celibate, are they?
17:50Not that I don't love a challenge.
17:51You know, Roz, maybe you should take a sick day sometime calling to the show yourself.
18:02You're on the air.
18:05Good afternoon, Seattle.
18:07This is Dr. Fraser Crane.
18:09Now, before I take my first caller, I'd like to make a personal appeal.
18:15Last Saturday, my father's chair was taken from in front of the Elliott Bay Towers.
18:21And it's a runny, split pea green and mud-brown striped recliner with the occasional spot of stuffing popping out from underneath a strip of duct tape.
18:35As incredible as this may seem, I'm offering a handsome reward for its safe return.
18:44And now, Roz, who's on line one?
18:46It's John.
18:46So remember, Stephanie, a little emotional flexibility is a good thing.
18:51Just as the mighty oak snaps and falls in a windstorm, so the weeping willow bends and lives to see another day.
19:02Thank you for your call.
19:04So, Roz, any update on the chair?
19:07Oh, yeah.
19:08The calls have been pouring in.
19:09Really?
19:10And what are they?
19:11Well, so far, it's been spotted at the top of the Space Needle in the Governor's Mansion.
19:17And a man in Lake Stevens said he saw it flying over his house, but he thought it was just a spaceship from a tacky planet.
19:27Funny stuff, people.
19:28Well, let's just go to commercial break so you all can chuckle through these words from Yukon Lumber.
19:35In greats.
19:40I dedicate my life to clearing away their psychic debris, and this is how they repay me.
19:45Uh-huh.
19:46Uh-huh.
19:46I got it.
19:47He'll be there just as soon as the show's over.
19:49Thank you so much.
19:49What is it?
19:50Frazier, I found the chair.
19:51Oh, great.
19:52Oh, thank God.
19:53By tonight, my dad will be safely back in his beer-stained, flea-infested, duct-taped recliner,
20:00adjusting his shorts with one hand and cheering on Jean-Claude Van Damme with the other.
20:06Yes, it's quite a little piece of heaven I've carved out for myself, isn't it?
20:23Okay.
20:25Okay, that was nice.
20:29Um, but let's just remember there is a very fine line between good acting and hamming it up.
20:36Let's try it again.
20:37Oh, excuse me.
20:38Mrs. Warren, I can't find my mustache.
20:41I can't remember any of my lines, Mrs. Warren.
20:43Look, I'm really nervous.
20:45Me too.
20:46Okay, people, people, can I have you all over here for a second?
20:50Uh, Mrs. Warren, could have done it.
20:52This isn't Broadway.
20:58It's junior high.
21:00There's no reason at all to be nervous.
21:03We're just going to go out there tonight in front of family and friends and have some fun, okay?
21:10Okay.
21:11One more thing goes wrong, I'm going to have to take my own life.
21:18Well, if I could just have a word with you.
21:20I'm sorry.
21:21In 45 minutes, the curtain goes up on a very shaky production of Ten Little Indians.
21:25Ten Little Indians?
21:27I thought I recognized the mise-en-scene.
21:29You know, I did this play years ago.
21:31On the contrary, Major, many a psychotic killer would appear to be quite normal.
21:38You see, you can never suspect that underneath that calm exterior, there lies the heart of a maniac.
21:46Ha ha.
21:47Happens to be true, by the way.
21:52Who are you?
21:53Oh, I'm Dr. Frasier Crane.
21:58From the radio.
21:59Oh, KACL talk.
22:01Well, never mind.
22:02Listen, someone told me that my chair would be here, and sure enough, here it is, so I'll just get this out of your hair if I pay.
22:08Oh, ha, excuse me, but that doesn't go anywhere.
22:11Right now, this chair is the most entertaining thing on stage.
22:15Well, I'm sure that's quite true, but it's...
22:17Ow!
22:18Ah!
22:19Oh, don't worry about it, honey.
22:21Just run along to the nurse's office.
22:23I'm sure you'll be fine.
22:24They'll have you back here in no time.
22:26I am so sick of being positive.
22:29Yes, but you see, you don't understand.
22:31This chair belongs to my father, and I must return it to him if it isn't...
22:35Sir, you can have your chair back in two weeks.
22:39You don't understand.
22:40I'm in a very difficult position here.
22:42Difficult?
22:43You want difficult.
22:46I have a set that's falling apart.
22:48Leading man whose voice changed at precisely three o'clock this afternoon.
22:53And my name is spelled wrong in the program!
22:59See what I did there, Pomeroy?
23:00That's the kind of anger I need from you in the accusation scene.
23:06Please listen, I'll give you $200, you can get yourself a new chair.
23:09Forget it.
23:10Listen, Mrs. Warren, I realize that you're in an untenable position here, but I'm speaking
23:14to you now from the heart.
23:15You see, by putting this chair into the trash, I have wounded my father.
23:19I realize it's just a chair to you, but to him it is a treasure trove of life memories
23:24that I have thoughtlessly discarded because I didn't like the way it looked in my living
23:29room.
23:29I have sacrificed heart and soul for form and function.
23:33Believe me, I am terribly ashamed of myself for that.
23:36This chair is the last best chance to forge any kind of meaningful relationship with the
23:40only father I'll ever have.
23:47People, were you all listening to that?
23:49Because you can learn a lot from this man.
23:55That speech he just gave is a perfect example of the kind of hammy overacting I don't want
24:01to see out of any of you for this entire ride.
24:04Now, just hold on for a minute.
24:05Mrs. Warren.
24:06What is it, Joey?
24:07Bobby McDuff just threw up backstage.
24:10Perfect.
24:11My Dr. Armstrong has opening night jitters.
24:14No, it's not jitters.
24:15It's stomach flu.
24:16He's in the nurse's office.
24:18Oh, well, what else can you do?
24:19You'll have to cancel the performance.
24:21Too bad.
24:21I'll just take this along with you.
24:23I can't cancel.
24:25I have 300 parents in their cars already.
24:27Well, I'm sure somehow the American theater will survive.
24:31Can't do the show without Dr. Armstrong.
24:33He's too important to the plot.
24:35I know.
24:35That's the part I played.
24:36You play Dr. Armstrong?
24:40Well, yes.
24:41Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
24:42You're not thinking.
24:45How badly do you want your chair?
24:47I'm sorry.
24:48It's out of the question.
24:50You know, it'd be a real shame if something happened to this chair.
24:57But it's been years.
25:01I mean, I hardly can remember any of the lines.
25:04Then you'll fit right in.
25:36Hey, baby, I hear the blues are calling.
25:46Tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
25:49Oh, my.
25:51And maybe I seem a bit confused.
25:55Yeah, maybe.
25:56But I got your pay.
25:57Ha, ha, ha, ha.
26:00But I don't know what to do with those tossed salads and scrambled eggs.
26:06They're calling again.
26:12Scrambled eggs all over my face.
26:15What is a boy to do?
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