Comedian Mark Normand on The John DeBella Show

Beasley Digital

Transcript

00:00The man who seems to bring more snow into the forecast than Santa Claus, ladies and

00:18gentlemen.

00:19Is that right?

00:20Oh yeah.

00:21Oh yeah.

00:22Mark Norman is here.

00:23Good morning, sir.

00:24Hey, it's mostly dandruff.

00:25Is that what it is?

00:26Well, I think the first time you were on with us, the show got canceled because we had

00:32like 22 inches of snow.

00:34That's right.

00:35And now there's snow in the forecast for tomorrow morning, but nothing to really worry about.

00:38Oh, is that right?

00:39Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:40It's nothing.

00:41God, I hate God.

00:44Yeah, I was here for that crazy snowstorm.

00:47Everything got canceled.

00:48Everything got shut down.

00:49I'm standing here walking around Rittenhouse Square like Will Smith in, what's that one?

00:54Miami.

00:55Wild West.

00:56No, the end of the world.

00:57Oh God, yeah.

00:58What was that?

00:59It was him and his dog, right?

01:00Yeah.

01:01In Times Square.

01:02I am legend.

01:03I am legend.

01:04Yes, except I wasn't black, buff, or rich.

01:07And I didn't have a dog.

01:09But yeah, I went on Tinder and boy, did I clean up.

01:12I remember this.

01:13I remember this.

01:14That's right.

01:15My God.

01:16I remember this theory that the easiest women in America, and you're a man who's on the

01:19road a lot.

01:20Yes.

01:21That the easiest women in America are in Philadelphia.

01:23Oh, these girls are whores.

01:25Yeah.

01:26I love it.

01:27I mean, the women here, they're tough as nails.

01:30They want to get some too, and they're smart.

01:33I don't know.

01:34I think it's something about the Philly lady who just kind of goes after what she wants

01:39too.

01:40And yeah, I cleaned up.

01:41I'd say Florida's got some skanks.

01:43But something about Philly.

01:45Robert Kraft let us know that last week.

01:47Oh, yeah.

01:48That's right.

01:49I always say, why not just get Tom Brady to kiss you for free?

01:53For what, he pays them.

01:54Yeah, right.

01:55Exactly.

01:57Now, I never realized you were from New Orleans.

01:59Born and raised.

02:00Right.

02:01But you sound like a New Orleans.

02:02We were talking about this earlier.

02:04New Orleans folks tend to have this accent that sounds like they're almost from Brooklyn.

02:08Yeah.

02:09Like, if you ever listen to Harry Connick talk, he sounds like he's from Brooklyn.

02:12Definitely.

02:13But you don't have that at all.

02:15No.

02:16A southern accent wouldn't work for this face and this attitude and all that.

02:20So I got rid of it early, and I was a bedwetter.

02:23And also, when I was a kid, I told my mom.

02:25This is how checked out my parents are.

02:27I told my mom, hey, I like comedy.

02:28So she goes, oh, you like comedy?

02:30And she gave me a stack of Marx Brothers VHSs.

02:33Right, right.

02:34And I remember watching them all and loving it, and I think I took a little from that.

02:38All right.

02:39Well, you know, it's nice that you had parental reinforcement for your career.

02:42Yeah.

02:43I'd be like, hey, what about SNL?

02:44They're like, what's that?

02:45They were stuck in the past.

02:47Yeah, they still believe in segregation.

02:49But they're way behind.

02:52They don't have internet or anything.

02:54They can use dial-up.

02:56Now, did you go to college?

02:59I did.

03:00I went to University of New Orleans, failed out, got kicked out of my fraternity for drinking

03:04too much, which is hard to do.

03:08And yeah, then I went to Baton Rouge Community College, got my grades back up, and then finished

03:13at Louisiana State University.

03:16Wow.

03:17And from what I understand, though, you won't be tindering while you're here because there's

03:22a girl in your life?

03:24No, no.

03:25I fell in love with a prostitute.

03:27Okay.

03:28No.

03:29Yeah, I met a nice lady, and yeah, things are going all right.

03:33Yeah?

03:34Yeah.

03:35Down to one labia.

03:37Majora, not menorah.

03:40I don't like the Jews.

03:42No.

03:43No.

03:44No.

03:45But yeah, yeah.

03:47It's weird now because my gal is like seven years my junior.

03:52Nice.

03:53Nice.

03:54So she's 14.

03:55Oh my god.

03:56Not nice.

03:57Joking.

03:58It's a comedy show.

03:59They'll screw you for anything now.

04:01They want to get you.

04:02God, I hate these people.

04:03But no references.

04:06They'll be like, hey, you seen Back to the Future?

04:08What's that?

04:09What's that?

04:10Yeah.

04:11Who?

04:12I mean, I can't get any jokes out because she doesn't know what anything is.

04:16It's brutal.

04:17It's killing me.

04:18Yeah, it's like our interns.

04:19Oh yeah.

04:20I hate it.

04:21You know it's coming.

04:22You know it's coming.

04:23Oh, this twerp in here.

04:24Yeah.

04:25What's he, 11?

04:26Yeah.

04:27Last week, he confused two bands.

04:29All right?

04:30He was talking to people on the phones and he confused two bands.

04:32All right?

04:33One was Are You a Speedwagon?

04:35Yeah.

04:36Right?

04:37And then the other one was Rice Cake.

04:40Rice Cake?

04:41Yeah.

04:42That's a band?

04:43No.

04:44White Snake is what...

04:45Oh, man.

04:47Wow.

04:49Wow.

04:50That is quite a leap.

04:52Rice Cake.

04:53Right, that's right.

04:54And Are You a Speedwagon?

04:55Are you?

04:56Oh, I didn't even catch that one.

04:57Are you a Speedwagon?

04:58Yeah.

04:59Wow.

05:00That sounds like a gay thing.

05:01Are you a Speedwagon?

05:02No matter what I say to this man, it comes back to sex in some way, shape, or form.

05:07Sex off an app.

05:08Yeah.

05:09Check out Grindr for that one.

05:10I think it's like, I'm 35, and I grew up in 1983, and I'm aware of the Beatles.

05:16Sure.

05:17I'm aware of old movies, and Cool Hand Luke, and stuff from the 60s, and this and that,

05:23and the 50s.

05:24So I went back.

05:25Why can't they go back a little and learn?

05:27Well, because there's so much going on online.

05:30I guess that's right.

05:31That's it.

05:32Now they know about Tyga, and Cardi B, and all this other stuff that I don't care about.

05:38It is good to see you again, sir.

05:39You too.

05:40That was fun.

05:41And we'll do our best to keep the snow out of your way.

05:43God love ya, and I'll get some head and shoulders.

05:45It's John DiBella.

05:47I like you when you go wild.

05:49Philadelphia's classic rock, 102.9 MGK.

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