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Archie 5
  • 5/22/2025
Transcript
00:00That's as close as I can get to spiders.
00:02That's, um, that's it.
00:04This is pepperoni.
00:08It's just a candle going up.
00:10Banana fertilizer.
00:12This is good.
00:14This is really good. Why?
00:16Because it's speeding up the growth of the leaves.
00:18Is it though? Because you're just putting
00:20banana on it and then the potassium
00:22will go brown and it'll just be
00:24left there like little bits and blocks on the plant.
00:26Dandruff or lice? Lice or dandruff?
00:28Just to make them shiny and that's it.
00:30Okay.
00:32I guess.
00:34Oh, let's put onion in your hair!
00:36I wouldn't do this.
00:38This is just the onion episode.
00:40Two weeks later, you're still smelling this.
00:44I solved my lice problem.
00:46I solved my lice problem and
00:48instead got an onion problem.
00:50Oh gosh. It's been three weeks.
00:52Hi, my name's
00:54Jess and I'm addicted to onions.
00:56Two onions. My DNA is
00:58partially onion.
01:00That is nice.
01:02That is so cool.
01:04I want to do this.
01:06I will use that in my future.
01:08I see that in my future.
01:10That's a good pick up line. I see you in my future.
01:12I'm a prophet. I see you in my future.
01:14I'm a precog.
01:16They mix the banana with the face.
01:18And then he does it like that.
01:20Oh yeah! Let's
01:22put it everywhere.
01:24So it's good for what? For acne? For knees?
01:26For knees. It's specifically good for your knees.
01:28Oh gosh.
01:30She doesn't look good.
01:32Are you okay? You don't look okay.
01:34Hold on. I'll bring you some onions.
01:36You were right! No!
01:38You're everything.
01:40You missed out on the potato and the lemon.
01:42So this is the trinity.
01:44The trifecta.
01:46Star anise.
01:48It probably works.
01:50They cut before she drank it because she didn't drink it.
01:54Alright!
01:56Clean in with some lemons.
01:58Lemon and baking soda, I guess.
02:00Okay, so you just didn't even drink that part.
02:04Got an old rusted pair of scissors.
02:06Alright, what's it gonna do?
02:08Wait, no!
02:10No way!
02:11Does that actually work?
02:12That looks fake.
02:13That looks definitely fake a little bit.
02:14I think it's not.
02:15Yeah?
02:16Yeah, I think it could be.
02:17Place your bets, gentlemen!
02:19So we need to dry it!
02:20Oh my god.
02:21They have a lemon.
02:22Cinnamon, sugar.
02:23Look at that!
02:24You know what?
02:25Wrap it in some tin foil.
02:26That looks kinda cool.
02:27Put it on the fire.
02:28So it's like lemon tea.
02:30It's probably really good for your throat.
02:31It's good.
02:32Like if you have a sore throat.
02:33What's she doing?
02:34Some potatoes.
02:35Oh, giving me Irish...
02:37Famine flashbacks.
02:41Alright!
02:42I hope she cleaned that.
02:43Yeah.
02:44Nope!
02:45Why?
02:47Why clean it?
02:48And then now they're peeled.
02:49Look at that.
02:50Whoa!
02:51Dang!
02:52It looks good.
02:53I didn't know your boss could go that high.
02:55Sorry.
02:56Whoa!
02:57Oh!
02:58It went in your nose.
02:59And out of her ear.
03:00Not in her ear.
03:01What did they have to do with five minute grams?
03:03It's just scary, right?
03:04That's a sponge.
03:05Is that avocado?
03:06Oh no, that's...
03:07That's lemon.
03:08Or avocado.
03:09Avocado.
03:10Avocado.
03:11Avocado.
03:12Avocado?
03:13What?
03:14What?
03:15What?
03:16Yes, it's avocado!
03:17Yes, it's avocado!
03:18Doodle.
03:19Oh.
03:20So you should remove the bone.
03:22The pit.
03:23Remove the bone of the avocado.
03:25The spine.
03:26Ah!
03:27Get out of here!
03:28What?
03:29I hate spiders.
03:30I also hate spiders.
03:31I hate...
03:32I hate spiders.
03:33Even though they're actually good for everyone.
03:34Because mosquitoes are good.
03:35I only like Spider-Man.
03:36That's as close as I get to spiders.
03:38That's...
03:39That's it.
03:40Disrespectful.
03:41No, they're good.
03:43They get rid of the mosquitoes that want to suck your blood and give you diseases.
03:48We need to try that, by the way.
03:50Yes!
03:51Full of iron for cooking!
03:52Yeah, we need to try that.
03:53Nice.
03:54That's full.
03:55Ugh.
03:56Just, you know, imagine you don't have a stove and you just...
03:58Don't match your banana like that.
03:59Iron the potatoes.
04:00Oof.
04:03Fly paper!
04:04Oh, fly paper!
04:05That's smart!
04:06That's nice!
04:07Yeah.
04:08You should burn her.
04:09Oh.
04:10Okay, how you solve this problem?
04:11Everything can be solved with onions!
04:13I'm dying!
04:14Give me an onion!
04:15Yes, an onion!
04:16You will live!
04:17I feel so much better now.
04:19Oh, gosh.
04:20And it's done!
04:21Look at that!
04:22Onion does wonders.
04:23Let's see.
04:24Oh, it's a talking sponge!
04:25Nom, nom, nom, nom!
04:26Let's put a lemon in there!
04:27Everyone knows sponge's favorite food is lemon.
04:28Oh, no!
04:29Eww!
04:30Okay, that's just suggestive.
04:31Right?
04:32No!
04:33Oh!
04:34Oh!
04:35Oh!
04:36Oh!
04:37Oh!
04:38Oh!
04:39Oh!
04:40Oh!
04:41Oh!
04:42Oh!
04:43Stop!
04:44Stained your clothes!
04:45What the lipstick!
04:46I can't watch this!
04:47Okay, very good!
04:48That is done!
04:49Excellent!
04:50Nice!
04:51Oh, I just think you're reading your book in the place.
04:52Oh, no!
04:53A bunch of flies all over the place?
04:54A bunch of flies.
04:55That's true, though.
04:56Whenever you're trying to enjoy my life, flies...
04:57What is this?!
04:58Onion.
04:59I hope she's on a date.
05:01Yeah.
05:02Just open up your car boot, get a lemon...
05:04Onion.
05:05And she was, like, so pleasant.
05:08It's like, oh, I smell like onions.
05:09So nice.
05:10Yeah.
05:11No one likes to smell like onion.
05:12Maybe she does.
05:13Okay.
05:14Well...
05:15Condensed milk.
05:16Condensed milk is probably the grossest creation of the human time.
05:18Are you serious?
05:19It's so nasty.
05:20It's like the best creation ever!
05:21No, so listen, I have this...
05:22Have you ever boiled it?
05:23I have.
05:24It's awful.
05:25I had this friend when we were younger.
05:26He used to just eat it out of the tin.
05:28He would eat condensed milk.
05:29I would eat it out of the tin.
05:30It's amazing!
05:31It's like 5 billion calories per bite.
05:32Yes, I know.
05:33I know.
05:34I know.
05:35That's really, really yummy.
05:37I'd love to eat your feet banana.
05:39What?!
05:40It's like a whiff of wine.
05:42This is giving me so uncomfortable vibes right now.
05:45And banana sucks.
05:46Very nice.
05:47Banana split.
05:48Why would you keep it on?
05:50Why would you keep it on?!
05:51Why would you keep it on?!
05:54I just got really bad banana vibes there.
05:56Bad banana vibes!
06:00Alright, she's going to freeze it, isn't she?
06:02Yeah.
06:03I guess so.
06:04Oh!
06:05Smart!
06:06That's smart!
06:07Yes!
06:08Little onion soup.
06:09Excellent!
06:10Good job!
06:11Good job!
06:12Okay, so we got apples with some bugs on them.
06:14Apple ants.
06:15We're going to cure the apples from the bug infestation.
06:17Just drop them.
06:18Lemon.
06:19That had nothing.
06:20Oh, wait.
06:21Oh.
06:22Oh.
06:23I feel like that does nothing because the fire isn't on the list.
06:26Yeah, exactly.
06:27What do they do to those bananas?
06:29Look at that.
06:30That's how they get ripe nice.
06:31Nice and ripped.
06:33Oh!
06:34Oh!
06:35Eww!
06:36Onions!
06:37Onions!
06:38Why?!
06:40So you smell nice.
06:43It looks good, but smell nothing.
06:45It's still there.
06:46It's still there.
06:47It's so bad.
06:48Why?!
06:49Perfectly good lemon ruins for that.
06:51Oh, gosh.
06:52Yeah.
06:53Okay, so...
06:54Because I plant stuff with my feet and bananas.
06:57That's the new trend.
06:59Remember to stick your toe in a banana.
07:01Yeah!
07:02Makes it grow faster.
07:03Oh, no.
07:04Okay, you got really yellow toenails.
07:06Oh, no.
07:07Lemon them up.
07:08Lemon them up.
07:09Lemon them up.
07:10Okay.
07:11Done!
07:12And that's it.
07:13All you gotta do.
07:14And you got a nice little armpit there.
07:16Put some lemon on it.
07:17And...
07:18And nothing is too...
07:19And then use the lemons inside.
07:20And then make a nice little armpit lemon smoothie.
07:21Let me just...
07:22Okay, let's just put it in.
07:25Yum!
07:26It's when someone that you don't like comes over for dinner.
07:29Yeah.
07:30So you're just like...
07:31Yeah.
07:32There we go.
07:33Little lemon exfoliation.
07:34That's a good wash.
07:35It's a good scrub.
07:36Done.
07:37Okay, so we got some oats.
07:38Some bananas.
07:39This looks like my breakfast so far.
07:40And an onion.
07:41And an onion!
07:42That looks delicious.
07:43What is onion?
07:44There's no onion this time.
07:45We're saved.
07:46We're saved.
07:47Okay, so what are they...
07:48Are they gonna bake it?
07:49Face mask.
07:50They're gonna make cookies out of it or something.
07:51Are they?
07:52Yes!
07:53Seriously?
07:54Yes.
07:55Nice.
07:56Nice.
07:57Nice.
07:58Nice.
07:59Nice.
08:00Nice.
08:01Nice.
08:02Nice.
08:03Nice.
08:04Beautiful.
08:05That's actually really beautiful.
08:06Oh!
08:07Okay, breaking the glass.
08:08Yep.
08:09Don't pick it up with your hands.
08:11Yes!
08:12Oh, yes!
08:13Just pick it up with your onion.
08:14What?
08:15This can stack there.
08:17And then take a bite.
08:19Why you would bite the onion without...
08:23You know, even it would be without the glass.
08:25What are you talking about?
08:26I always have a nice little onion before breakfast.
08:28Okay, you need to show us.
08:29No, but that reminds me, when I was a kid, I once picked up a jar of jam and I dropped
08:35it on the floor because I wanted some jam.
08:36Okay.
08:37And I started picking up the pieces of glass with jam in it.
08:39Okay.
08:40And I was chewing on the glass.
08:41So...
08:42My mom saw me like halfway through me eating this jam.
08:44Freaked out.
08:45Freaked out.
08:46Started digging glass out of my mouth.
08:48Gosh.
08:49I didn't have one cut.
08:50Oh, wow.
08:51What are you talking about?
08:52I didn't have one cut.
08:53She pulled out glass from my mouth as a baby.
08:54Didn't have one cut.
08:55She cut her fingers.
08:56Are you by any chance from Smallville?
08:58I am from Smallville.
08:59My name is Clark Kent.
09:02No way.
09:04No way.
09:05Whoa.
09:06I just happen to have some green stuff right here.
09:09Can you just hold it for me, please?
09:11Ah!
09:12You freaked me out with your scream words.
09:16Oh, good stuff.
09:17Okay.
09:18So, more avacadoos.
09:19Avacadoos.
09:20And avacadoos!
09:21I don't know why that was funny, but...
09:25They're sending us subliminal messages.
09:28Okay.
09:29Is that cocoa powder?
09:30Cocoa powder.
09:31Oh!
09:32So, it's like you can bake vegan things with that, I'm pretty sure.
09:35Exactly.
09:36Yes!
09:37Look at that.
09:38Vegan Nutella.
09:39That actually looks good.
09:40That actually looks so good.
09:41That looks so good.
09:42I'm pretty sure that just is Nutella.
09:43Most probably.
09:44Oh!
09:45Onion juice.
09:46Alright.
09:47I would put that in a little water gun and spray it to people, guys.
09:52Evil!
09:53Evil!
09:54I love it.
09:55Don't do it with us.
09:56Dr. Evil in here.
09:57Okay.
09:58Okay.
09:59So, wipe your face.
10:00Actually, lemon is great.
10:01Also, for mosquitoes.
10:02If you have mosquitoes, but you don't have any spray for them, you can put lemon on yourself.
10:07Okay.
10:08And although it's a little sticky.
10:09It is a bit sticky.
10:10Ew!
10:11Ew!
10:12Ew!
10:14Ew!
10:15Ew!
10:16That reminds me of some seaweed.
10:17Ew!
10:18Ew!
10:19Ew!
10:20Ew!
10:21Ew!
10:23Ew!
10:24Ew!
10:25Ew!
10:29Ew!
10:30Ew!
10:35Ew!
10:36Ew!
10:38Ew!
10:39Ew!

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