- 20/04/2025
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FunTranscript
00:00The
00:30Morning, Dick.
00:58Morning, Brody.
01:00Morning, ladies.
01:05Ah, for feck's sake.
01:12It's the tour time this week.
01:17You're listening to K.R.A.P.
01:22The Voice of the Village.
01:27What do you think, Father?
01:28Well, I'm not sure that K.R.A.P.
01:31Larry is such a good name.
01:33But you're on the right track.
01:35How about Kilnascally Community Radio?
01:40K.C.R.
01:41I like it.
01:42That's good.
01:43K.C.R. it is.
01:45Right.
01:46What's next?
01:46What about the line-up?
01:47There was a good response to the posters you put up, Father.
01:52Great.
01:54Dieter will do a current affairs program.
01:58Pa Connors will do the morning show.
02:03And Mrs. Gil Hooley is looking after religion.
02:08God in the afternoon, it'll be God.
02:12I shall be doing a slot called Poem of the Day.
02:17That's great.
02:18Yes, yes, yes.
02:19Well, then, we're still after Dan to do a requests program.
02:26Yeah, you know, mixed in with a few film reviews.
02:28Bit of culture.
02:29Dan Glancy, you'd find more culture in a tub of yoghurt.
02:35K.C.R.
02:38Kilnascally Community Radio.
02:45Give it a rest, will you, Larry?
02:51K.C.R.
02:53Kilnascally Community Radio.
02:55Now, that is good.
02:56Will you be on it, Dan?
02:57I know they asked me to do a few programs, all right,
02:59but I don't know if there's media we're looking for now
03:01on my Roger Whittaker albums.
03:03Here's all the Roger Whittaker albums.
03:05Is that right?
03:06You go to this house now of an evening.
03:07You darey be Roger to date.
03:09Dan the DJ, huh?
03:11Dan the DJ, Dan the DJ, Dan the DJ, Dan the DJ.
03:15Dan the DJ, Dan the DJ.
03:18Luders.
03:19You could be the next Larry Watts' name.
03:22Who?
03:22Larry Watts' name.
03:24Larry Cummins?
03:25No, no, Larry Watts' name.
03:28What is his name?
03:29Well, I don't know.
03:30What's his name?
03:31Your man on the radio.
03:33Doesn't he do that just a minute, what you call it?
03:35Oh, Larry Watts' name.
03:38Yes.
03:39I thought you could be right.
03:40I never thought of that.
03:42I suppose I could be the next Larry Watts' name.
03:46What age is Larry Watts' name?
03:48He'd be 86 or 87, anyway.
03:50He's horrid, shook-looking.
03:52Dilly-eyed and dilly-eyed and dilly-eyed and dilly-eyed and dilly-eyed.
03:56There you are, Father.
03:57That's all the gear you need.
03:59All we have to do is connect up everything and it's all systems go.
04:02Thanks, Zig.
04:03And listen, Pat, thanks for all your help.
04:04No bother, Father.
04:05Where did you actually get the equipment?
04:07It was all the back of the van, Father.
04:09Yeah, yeah, I know that, but you know, was it there all the time?
04:12No, Father, I got it after Cousin Martin.
04:14Where did Martin get it?
04:15It was in the back of Martin's van, Father.
04:17But where did he get it?
04:18Of his uncle Tully.
04:20Who had it in the back of his van, right?
04:22No, Father, he doesn't have a van.
04:23He had a horse box.
04:24Pa, who actually owns it?
04:26It's all the haul now, Father, so I suppose you own it then.
04:29Yeah, but I mean...
04:30Pa's great like that.
04:31Generous to a fault.
04:32He is, but I mean like...
04:33So what time are you kicking off, Father?
04:35Oh, yeah, well, you know, Willie Power is going to do the inaugural broadcast and then,
04:38of course, that's after the blessing of the equipment, you know.
04:41Price your house, though, Father.
04:42Will you be going out live, Father, like R.T.?
04:44Oh, yeah, Pa, you know, that's the nature of radio, you know.
04:46Finger on the pulse.
04:48As much as we need a backup power supply, so, Father.
04:51A what, sorry?
04:51A generator, Father.
04:53Ah, no, no, no.
04:54We wouldn't be in that league yet.
04:55I've lovely wanted to back in a van there, Father.
04:56She worked about 3,000 euro.
04:58I got her off a van there, owed me a few bob.
05:00I could let it off to you, Father, for 12.50.
05:03Pa, I wouldn't have had anything like that.
05:04How much have you, Father?
05:07Nothing, actually, Pa.
05:08Ah, she's lovely, Father.
05:09Look at her now.
05:10She ticks over like a mouse's heart.
05:11Oh, you wouldn't have a dead's trouble with her, Father.
05:13Look, since your sentence is in it there, I'll go at you for 2.50.
05:162.50?
05:17Done.
05:17Right, come on, Dick.
05:18Give me a hand out of the bag of the van there, sir.
05:21You have to rob me there, Father.
05:22You have to rob me.
05:23You did well there, Father.
05:26What?
05:28Lord, bless this radio station.
05:31No.
05:32Lord, for the programmes we are about to receive.
05:36Oh, we're ready now, Father.
05:40Great.
05:40Excellent.
05:46You all right, Father?
05:48All set.
05:491, 2, 2, 2.
05:501, 2, 2, 2.
05:51Testing, 2, 2.
05:52Is this whopping, Dick?
05:53Is it?
05:532, 1, 2, 2.
05:55Oh, mother of God.
06:02Now, that's not good.
06:03you're very welcome this afternoon
06:05this is Councillor Willie Power
06:07the power to
06:08KCR Radio
06:11broadcasting live
06:14from downtown
06:16Kilna Scully
06:18KCR Radio
06:21the voice
06:23of the village
06:24what are you doing
06:27what do you mean what am I doing
06:28what are you doing
06:29I'm doing Jingle
06:30Jingle
06:31I'll give you Jingle
06:33come on sit down
06:42this is lying stop it
06:44sit down
06:45sit down
06:46we'd like to apologise
06:52to our listeners out there for that small
06:54technical hitch but we're back on the
06:56airwaves now again and we're here
06:58at the official launch of the Kilna Scully Radio
07:00station and the inaugural blessing
07:02be done by Father Philip Eno
07:03yes
07:04dear lord
07:08dear lord
07:11bless the station
07:13keep it safe
07:15and of course bless the equipment
07:17oh my god
07:30Lallycocks, I bloody brand you!
07:47Oh, jeez.
07:51That is good.
07:53Stop it!
07:54No!
07:54No!
07:57Stop it!
08:00It's not as bad as you think, Father.
08:09Conor's cousin, Mikey, has a sound desk in the back of the van.
08:12He's on his way.
08:13So we'll have you back in the air in a matter of minutes.
08:15Great, great.
08:18Gerda Ryan, why didn't you use the radio?
08:21Excuse me, Father.
08:22Yeah.
08:24Father, could I have a word, please?
08:26To be honest, though, Mrs. Scalooly...
08:27I just leaned the running order.
08:28Yeah, and?
08:29I noticed that God in the afternoon is now on at 11 o'clock at night.
08:34Yeah, well, we were hoping that Dan Clancy would do the afternoon slot.
08:37You'll just have to find another name for your programme.
08:39Such as?
08:40I don't know.
08:44Night and deity.
08:46Very good.
08:47I am not, as you well know, Father, in the habit of repeating myself.
08:52But I fail to see why a man of the cloth should relegate the Lord's word to the last thing at night.
08:58The Lord works in mysterious ways, Mrs. Scalooly.
09:00Very mysterious.
09:04Good morning, Mrs. Scalooly.
09:06Father.
09:07Theo.
09:07Father, I've just seen the schedule.
09:10And?
09:10The poem of the day.
09:12It has a five-minute slot.
09:14Yes, well, you know, if it's too long, Theo, we can play a bit of music.
09:17Too long?
09:19I need eight hours.
09:21Eight hours?
09:22Well, six if I read fast.
09:25You must be joking me, Theo.
09:27Paradise Lost is not a joke, Father.
09:31It is an epic poem.
09:33Yeah, well, you know, you have to lose it or break it up into manageable chunks.
09:37It is one of the classic poems of the English language, Father.
09:42It is not a bar of chocolate.
09:45Five minutes.
09:46That's all there is.
09:47Tears such as angels weep, burst forth.
09:54Yeah, that's about the right length.
09:55Excuse me, pal.
09:57Sorry, Theo.
10:00I'm not joking, you fella.
10:01If Larry Cummins does one more jingle, I'll brain him properly.
10:04Thanks very much, Willie.
10:05You know, the function of this radio station is to bring people together.
10:10Not to inspire them to brain each other.
10:12Sorry, fella.
10:13All right.
10:13Well, I will brain him.
10:14You know, all I seem to have done is to set people against each other.
10:19Pears, we're adding that up, Father.
10:20You'll be back up in two minutes.
10:22Thanks, Dick.
10:23Right, I have to go, fella.
10:24Ah, no, Willie.
10:25Council me to go to the fella.
10:26Ah, no, come back, Willie.
10:27Come on.
10:28You'll have to get someone else to launch your station for you.
10:30Ah, Willie.
10:31Sorry, fella.
10:33Ah, Willie.
10:35What have I got myself into?
10:37Dear Lord, please send me a sign.
10:41Any sign.
10:42Here's your sign, Father.
10:43I made it for the radio.
10:44Oh, great.
10:45Thanks, Simi.
10:46That's really, that's really thoughtful.
10:49How are you, Father?
10:50We're here for the afternoon show.
10:51We brought Roger.
10:53Roger?
10:53Whittaker.
10:54Roger Whittaker.
10:57Bit cutting edge there, lads, eh?
10:59Maybe he's earlier stuff, Father, but not since the Mexican whistler.
11:02Come on, lads.
11:03Hello, hello, hello, is it on?
11:13Is it on at all, Dick, is it?
11:14Oh, f***?
11:15Oh, f***, f***.
11:16There he comes down.
11:17Right.
11:19You listen to the smooth sounds of KCR.
11:23Kill the Scully Community Radio.
11:26Putting the unity back into the community.
11:28And you'll listen to Dan the Man on the afternoon request show.
11:34If you want to say hello to a loved one, call us.
11:37And our beautiful assistant, Timmy Higgins, who's just after jotted down our first request now.
11:42And our first request is from Noni Goggins, who's seriously 111.
11:48Well done, Noni.
11:51And I'll tell you something, Noni.
11:53If I was 111, I'd take it seriously, too.
11:58So we're going to play a request for you, Noni.
12:00This is Cliff Richard, and congratulations.
12:05Then the other speed.
12:09Well done, Dan.
12:10We're well and truly large now, huh?
12:11Do you want me to do a jingle for you, Dan?
12:15No, thanks, Larry.
12:21I've just received a note from my assistant to say that Noni Goggins is not seriously 111.
12:28She is, in fact, seriously ill.
12:30And as it happens, her family are travelling to be by her bedside as we speak.
12:35We'd like to send our apologies out to Noni and all concerned from all here at KCR.
12:40And we'd like to play this request for you, Noni, a tune by Roger Whittaker called The Last Farewell.
12:46You unadulterated Luder.
12:56In future, when you're right in the nose, make sure someone can be able to read us.
13:00Luder.
13:00Hello?
13:02Hello?
13:03KTR Radio.
13:04Yes.
13:05Dead.
13:06Okay, keep listening.
13:07Bye.
13:08We've just had a phone call from the family of the aforementioned Noni Goggins to say that Noni Goggins has passed away after a long illness.
13:28Yes.
13:30Feck it, ages.
13:32Poor old Noni.
13:36So now this next song is dedicated to the memory of the late Noni Goggins in the hope that this gesture may bring some comfort to our grieving family.
13:44Congratulations.
13:46Congratulations.
13:47KCR Radio.
13:50KCR Radio.
14:02Good morning, Kilda Scully.
14:05You're listening to Kilda Scully Community Radio and we're here with the outside broadcast with Pastor Joseph Vernon O'Connor, myself.
14:11And we're about to give you the weather report for today, lads, and I don't know what I'm out here, I'm looking ahead and there's going to be a cracker of a day and I'd say it'll stay like that all day long.
14:20We also have our talk for today, something I often say to Mary in the mornings, how come when the doorbell rings in the caravans that the dogs who always think is for them?
14:29Now, think about it.
14:30We have a man in the line here, lads, who's going to help us with our crossword puzzle for today.
14:33Hello, sir.
14:34How are you, Pa?
14:35Our crossword puzzle for today, sir, is the postman's bag is missing.
14:38How many letters, Pa?
14:40How many letters, sir?
14:42How many letters, sir?
14:43How many letters, sir?
14:44KC O'Connor.
14:45Congratulations and celebrations
14:49I want the world to know me grannies after dyin'.
14:53Shut up, you luder, ya.
14:56Jaxie.
14:58You look like the cat that got the cream.
15:00What are you sneering about?
15:01Isn't it this way to hear this now?
15:03Kilda Scully's new radio station got off to an explosive start yesterday
15:08yesterday when father filipino blew up the transmitter seconds after the station took to
15:13the air unfortunately the station second coming a few minutes later was less dramatic and lasted
15:19longer the first show featured dan the man cleansing in a display of broadcasting incompetence
15:28which would have been funny if it hadn't involved the recently deceased noni goggins whose demise
15:33was greeted by fanfares from the hapless dj thanks for that jacksy dan's verbal diarrhea and sleep
15:40inducing music was surely the kiss of death the new station dan the man is one man who shouldn't
15:46give up the day job that's enough jacksy that's all that's in it if they don't find out about the day
15:52job you could be in right trouble i don't have a day job and i don't have the runs either who wrote
15:57that rubbish the ballet bugle enough said that fella wouldn't write a good word about anybody
16:03what's on the wireless anyways sure i don't know i don't do the afternoons
16:12will you turn down that old rubbish jacksy it's hard enough to listen to that even when it's playing
16:16properly i am not listeners as you well know in the habit of repeating myself but i apologize for
16:26that glitch now listeners i don't often get excited but today i'm in heaven that's heaven ruined
16:35anyway for him in front of me with his flute in his hand is martine oag park father othula one who will be
16:46accompanied by sissy cullen on her accordion oh yeah throw around a pint here jacksy will you and if that
16:53wasn't enough my special guest today is irish dancing legend paul jean islamy
17:01well take it away boys and girls
17:20there's no doubt about it but pagin is good yeah
17:22it's fabulous isn't it yes sir oh a double jing teal i don't believe it a double jing teal
17:39what about my penance
17:47how's it
17:50paste
17:52pagin only me who else
17:56don't be able to click
18:08I tell you, it's great to see Pogging back dancing on the radio, where he belongs.
18:23You have to hand it to Father Philip. The radio station is a great success.
18:27Success for who? He has been nearly ruined.
18:31There wasn't a sinner here last night, all at home glued to the feckin' wireless.
18:35It'll be the same tonight. He's tearing the parish apart.
18:38That's what he's doing.
18:47You're tuned to KCR Radio, and this is Garetti, the Night Nurse.
18:52If you're having a problem with your partner in the bedroom, on the couch, in the back of the car, on the kitchen table,
18:59why not give the Night Nurse a call now? We can see what we can do.
19:04In a moment, we'll have Theo Wigmore with the poem of the day,
19:06but first, here's Roger Whittaker.
19:11We're running out of tunes, Garetti.
19:13I told you the crowd round here would be slow to ring in with their problems.
19:16We've been on the air for three hours and not a peep.
19:19We might just have to bring the mountain to Mohammed.
19:22Are you right, Theo?
19:24Classic literature cannot be just shoved into any old slot.
19:29Don't tip me, Theo.
19:32Five minutes.
19:35Now, listeners, sit back and relax for the next five minutes.
19:39We have Theo Wigmore and the poem of the day.
19:42The Wireless by Theo Wigmore.
19:46The wireless dial is turned and tuned.
19:50A favourite rhyme is heard being proved.
19:54A classic poem is thereby ruined.
19:58Turn off the wireless and on the telly.
20:01That was Theo Wigmore with the short poem of the day.
20:09Thank you, Theo.
20:11Theo, of course, will be back with us tomorrow night at the same time.
20:14Or maybe not.
20:18We're going to a short commercial break
20:20and we'll be right back with our first caller of the evening.
20:24Get your phone and dial me here at the station.
20:26But I don't have a problem.
20:28Well, pick the first one out of the magazine.
20:30Quick, we're back, we're back.
20:34You're listening to Gretty the Night Nurse now on KCR.
20:38Here to solve your love problems.
20:40We have our first caller on the line.
20:42Hello, caller.
20:44Hello.
20:45Hello, caller. Welcome to the show.
20:47Thanks.
20:48I'm a bit nervous.
20:50That's all right, darling.
20:52I'm going to call you Angela, even though it's not your real name.
20:55I know you can use my real name.
20:56No, that won't be necessary.
20:58You may not want people to know who you are.
21:00What?
21:03Oh, right.
21:07So, tell the night nurse your problem.
21:11Well, Gretty.
21:11Thank God.
21:12Turn it up there, Timmy.
21:14Come on.
21:14This could be good.
21:17What's your problem, caller?
21:18My granny is a drug fiend.
21:21What?
21:22I'm afraid of the dark.
21:24I'm afraid of the dark.
21:25Where do you want this, boss?
21:26Shh.
21:26I'm afraid of the dark.
21:27Listen to this, man.
21:28Is that it?
21:29What do you mean, is that it?
21:31Look, I'm not sure I'm comfortable about this.
21:33It feels a bit like I'm being bullied.
21:35Oh, bullied.
21:37So you've been bullied.
21:39Is that our station, Mrs. Kenholy?
21:41Is this man bullying you?
21:42Yes, father.
21:44No.
21:45I mean, yes.
21:47I think.
21:48Are you having an affair with this man, Angela?
21:50Yes.
21:52Yes, I am, Gretty.
21:54And is your lover from the parish?
21:58Yes, Gretty.
22:00Now, that is good.
22:02And this man, is he married?
22:06Erm, no.
22:09What?
22:10I mean, yes.
22:12Does this man love you, Angela?
22:14Passionately.
22:15Tell me more about this man.
22:17He used to be a woman.
22:19What?
22:23Iser.
22:24He used to be a woman-izer.
22:26And?
22:27And?
22:28And?
22:30And get messages from beyond the grave.
22:32Let's go back to the bullying, Angela.
22:34Tell me more about that.
22:35He's been bullying me into leaving my husband and running away with him.
22:41I've made up my mind.
22:43Thanks, Gretty.
22:45Up until now, I didn't have the strength to be with him.
22:49I wasn't able to look into my six children's eyes and say goodbye.
22:54What?
22:56Twelve children?
22:57What?
22:58You're ready.
22:59And you know what?
23:00Chief Jindal.
23:01I'm going to walk into Jacksie's tonight, take him by the hand and leave for a better life.
23:08Thank you, Angela.
23:10I think we have a caller on line two.
23:12Hello, caller.
23:13Who have we here?
23:14Hello, Gretty.
23:15I hope you don't mind if I do not use my name.
23:18What do you want, Dieter?
23:19I can understand how Angela feels.
23:22When I am alone in the house, I too am afraid of the dark.
23:24Oh, just leave the feckin' lights on.
23:27Good night.
23:28Well, that's all from me.
23:30And remember, there are seven deadly sins.
23:32One for every day of the week.
23:34So have a lovely week.
23:36Good night.
23:40Sorry.
23:41I got a bit carried away there.
23:43It's all right.
23:44There was probably no one listening anyway.
23:49That's me finished for the week, Father.
23:51Great, great, thanks.
23:52You going somewhere, Father?
23:53No.
23:54No, no.
23:55You've got your coat on.
23:57Yeah, well, I'm actually thinking of going to Jaxie's.
24:00Me too.
24:02Right.
24:02Come on.
24:09Jaxie, could I have another glass of lager, please?
24:12And a sweet sherry when you get a chance, thanks.
24:15Just a minute, Father.
24:17I thought the radio station would have dented this place, Father, but no hope.
24:22No chance.
24:23No hope.
24:23That's it.
24:24Hello, Father.
24:30There you are, ladies.
24:31Two G&Ts on the house.
24:34Thank you, Jaxie.
24:35That was a fairly exciting programme you had, Garetti.
24:38That's live radio for you, Sergeant.
24:40I was very impressed, Garetti.
24:42You made her feel at ease, you know, like she was talking to a friend.
24:45A woman's intuition, Father.
24:47You know, I probably shouldn't say this, but I thought that the collar was actually, you know, a little bit touched.
24:52Sorry, Father.
24:53Well, it's certainly united the parish, Father.
24:57Do you think she'll turn up?
24:59Do you think she'll turn up?
25:00I doubt it, Mrs. Gillooley.
25:02Get that into it, it's you around.
25:04I'm not sure I feel comfortable about this.
25:07It feels a bit like I'm being bullied.
25:09I'm not sure.
25:10What?
25:11What?
25:12What?
25:13I'm a fantastic.
25:16Friday.
25:17Happy days!
25:47Happy days!
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